Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[ boys laughing ]

You ever fart and sneeze at the same time?

You ever barf up

something you didn't eat?

I once barfed a whole shrimp.

Once I barfed so hard,

I pulled a bean out of my nose.

Oh!

That was gross. Bet that was slimy.

Oh.

You know when you're sick

and you're waiting to suck it down?

You could hawk one of those 10 feet.

No. It's better to blow them

out your nose.

It's better to suck.

Those aren't the best loogeys.

My cousin hawked a loogey

from the Empire State Building.

Killed a lady. He's in prison.

In prison for snot.

Boom! Boom!

[ laughter ]

Okay, you guys, come on.

We place here in the time capsule--

The sacred shoe box.

Okay, in the sacred shoe box--

the things we do not understand--

to be opened again

when all the mysteries of the universe

have been revealed to us.

Who's first? Kevin.

I found it in my mom's secret drawer

in this plastic box.

I know what this is.

It goes in the bathtub drain.

It's a diaphragm.

It prevents the passage of sperm

into the uterus.

How do you know?

I saw it on Nightline.

I'm telling you, Frank,

it's for the bathtub.

I think it's a travel drinking cup.

She'll never miss it.

Don't drink out of it.

Yeah.

FRANK: Brad.

I found it in my sister's room.

I believe it's some kind of weapon.

A picture of my dead mother.

Why put it in?

My dad keeps her pictures in the attic

and says she looked like Grace Kelly.

Who's Grace Kelly?

She was a famous clown.

She was a princess, and also.

I don't know what it's like

to have a mother.

We could tell you.

You can't tell somebody something like that.

BRAD: Have you ever noticed

that girls don't fart?

It looks like a boob.

Yeah. Make them fly around.

Got you.

My boobs are bigger than yours.

Try to catch my boob.

You've got a mosquito-bite boob.

Why don't girls spit?

They're hiding something.

The rules have changed.

It's a battle of the sexes,

and believe me, we are way behind.

[ rap music playing ]

♪ You know you make me Want to shout ♪

♪ Put my hands up and shout

♪ Look, my heart's jumping

Uh!

♪ Come on now and shout

Shit.

I can't dance.

[ whistling ]

You see this, Frank?

This little seedling represents

an entire species of marsh grass.

If it lives, the wetlands survive,

the Mortlake turtle can return,

and the glossy ibis

won't lose another nesting place.

Dad, we'll be late for school.

Hey, hey, look at this.

Ha, ha!

You won a prize?

Yeah.

What is that?

Homework.

They're assigning Cosmopolitan as homework?

No. They assigned this.

You can't relate that to the real world.

Like how?

Like was mom a virgin

when you married her?

Are you studying, religion?

Sex. Tell me.

No.

That's good coffee. Fresh-brewed?

Instant.

Do you have to have sex?

This can't be instant.

We ran out of beans.

What base is a kiss?

Where is the birth canal?

You never have to have sex.

The birth canal is there.

You shouldn't have sex unless you're in love.

Why not?

It's about not having babies

with people you don't know.

There's a spot on a woman you can touch

to drive her completely insane.

I don't think the magazine's a good idea.

In my experience, there is no such place.

Dad.

when I grow up,

do I have to have hair all over?

You saw your sister naked?

Sort of.

I was in the laundry basket.

Hey, Stacey.

Hi, Brad.

I saw you in the drugstore.

You were buying gum.

Are you going to the dance?

I'm thinking of going to it.

Can I wear your jacket today, Brad?

What do you want for it?

I want to take you

to the closet and.

No way. You're so bad.

[ bell rings ]

What did you say?

Told her what I wanted.

She's not that kind of girl.

All girls are that kind of girl.

She didn't used to be a girl.

Hey, guys.

What are we looking at?

WOMAN: Oh. Oh. Oh, mmm.

What's that?

Oh, God. Oh, yes. Oh!

Think it's an elbow.

What's it doing with that other elbow?

Doesn't look like anything

I ever want to do.

Ah! Ah!

Will you stop cleaning?

Why do you do that?

My dad demands order and sanitation.

I know a place where the girls

are naked all the time,

where guys can see naked girls

Twenty four hours a day--

for anyone with guts and 100 bucks.

I don't believe it.

What are you talking about?

The city.

We're not allowed to go.

In the city, there are no rules.

Everything is available

for a price.

Luckily our needs are small.

What are our needs?

To see a woman naked.

♪ The best things In life are free ♪

♪ But you can give them To the birds and bees ♪

♪ I need money

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

Let me see the money.

♪ Your love gives me Such a thrill ♪

♪ But your love Don't pay my bills ♪

♪ I need money

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

♪ That's what I want

All right!

[ cheering ]

Keep it moving.

Come on. Come on. Give me the money.

Keep it running smoothly.

Looks beautiful on you. Thank you.

KEVIN: That's a lot of milk money.

BRAD: Some things are important.

What do you need this money for anyway?

We're going to buy a pros--

--thetic leg for his dog.

His dog lost his leg.

♪ Ya-hoo!

Ha, ha, ha!

Woo!

Woo-hoo!

What did you tell your dad?

I'm at Kevin's house.

BRAD: I said I'm at Frank's house.

Is the city big?

Huge!

Lots of naked ladies.

Ha, ha, ha!

If I had my own naked lady,

I'd never leave my room.

You got the money?

We've got everything.

Ha, ha, ha! Woo!

Ha, ha, ha!

Hey!

♪ Everybody wants to be Closer to free ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, yeah, everybody one Everybody two ♪

♪ Everybody three

♪ Everybody needs to touch You know, now and then ♪

♪ And everybody wants A good, good friend ♪

Ah.

Oh, no.

♪ Closer to free

♪ Ooh-ah

I want to go back.

[ humming the William Tell Overture ]

[ beep beep ]

Hey, the footpath's for virgins.

We are virgins.

Hey, not for long.

If you get killed, I'm going home.

Oh, beautiful.

Oh, my God. Do you believe this?

This woman gave birth

to her own head.

It sang to her.

Wow.

Wow.

Cash, where are you going?

Don't ask me that.

Never ask me that!

Okay I'm sorry. I just forgot.

Jeez.

[ Door slams ]

Guys, come here.

Whoa.

WOMAN: Yeah. You ready?

WOMAN: Yeah, I am.

This will be tough.

How do we tell the prostitutes?

How do we know we're not asking

a math teacher?

We've got to try it.

They need to see the money.

Excuse me, Miss.

Uh, Ma'am--

Get out of my way.

Excuse me,

are you a prostitute?

What?

Will you take your clothes off for $103.62?

Uh!

Ooh.

Thanks, Kevin.

What?

What did I do?

[ horns honk ]

All right?

Pssst.

Guys.

You guys need some help?

You talking to us?

Yeah.

We want to see a naked lady.

Do you have money?

$103.62.

Really?

That will do it.

Come on.

Hurry up. Come on. Come on.

Where?

There are naked women in here?

Guys, you got to trust me.

Why should we trust you?

I got a gun.

WOMAN: Okay, open up, big boy.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Okay, backpacks. Come on. Do it. Do it now.

I'm full. I'm full.

He's got a gun.

Get down.

Stay.

Stay.

Uh!

You okay?

ALL: Yeah.

Get us out of here!

Wait a minute, son of a bitch!

I want my money!

Oh, goddamn it!

ALL: Aw.

You all right?

ALL: Yeah.

How am I going to get home?

I'll get in such trouble.

Us, too.

Shit.

Well, I'm out of here.

You'd better go.

Do you need any help, ma'am?

Ma'am?

No, thanks.

Are you sure you don't need something?

I need 100 bucks,

or I'm going to get smacked.

You got that?

Yes, I do.

You can have it. You saved my life.

What are you doing with all that money?

We wanted to see a naked lady.

You know what?

Why don't you take that money

and go home?

I wish I could,

but it means a lot to my friends.

We just want to look.

How much looking?

As much as money could buy.

Okay.

Thank you.

Mm-hm.

Pull your shirts over your heads.

You first.

Show me yours, and I'll show you mine.

Your armpits. Come on.

Come on.

Okay, you're not dangerously hairy.

We're not hairy at all.

So, what's your name?

V.

KEVIN: Like the letter?

What's it stand for?

What's your name?

Kevin.

I'm Frank.

Brad.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Oh, God.

Come on. Come on.

Excuse me.

What do we do now?

BRAD: Just ask her to.

You see many hookers?

No. This is our first one.

Why do you have a picture of Grace Kelly?

I'd like to be like her.

Without your clothes, is it cold?

Depends on the room.

I dream that I'm naked at school

and I have to get home.

I do, too.

The last time, an alligator chased me.

You ever get that one?

No.

Are you married?

Boy, you ask a lot of questions.

The meter's ticking.

She's on the bed.

Do you want this on the bed?

I'll stand.

I meant me, not you.

On the bed.

Bed.

Okay. Come here.

Do you want the lights on or off?

Is she naked yet?

I can't see.

BRAD: You turned off the lights.

All set?

What's the matter?

I'm being a gentleman.

Gentlemen bring enough for everybody.

This is the greatest moment of my life.

Okay. That's it. Time's up.

Any questions?

After sex, you smoke.

It's a rule.

Anybody have any matches?

BOTH: No.

I feel it now. We're different.

How?

We're men.

Yeah. Men without bikes.

Oh, boy.

Walter, Walter, look.

Don't worry.

Your cut's waiting for you.

[ knock on door ]

Relax. Relax.

Look, I tell you what.

Ow.

If you don't get your dough, kill me.

Ahem.

What do I look like, huh?

A Laundromat? A slot machine?

'Cause I am not a slot machine.

You are a slot machine.

Sorry.

What? I hurt your feelings?

No.

You don't got no feelings.

Yes, I do.

I'm a person with feelings.

Oh. Oh, you're a person now.

She's not a person,

is she, Betty?

Yeah. She sort of is.

Who needs you?

If you were a person,

you could do whatever you want.

Ow.

You do whatever I tell you to do.

Isn't that right, Betty?

Yeah.

I am a person.

I do what I want. I take what I want.

Everybody answers to somebody.

You answer to Waltzer.

Waltzer answers to Jerry the Pope.

Oh, you think so, huh?

V: Yeah.

Waltzer steals from Jerry.

I steal from Waltzer.

They think this is their turf.

This belongs to me.

Yeah, you're the man, Cash.

Yeah, that's right.

[ horn honks ]

[ honk honk ]

And the man's got to go out.

Don't either of youse two move

until I get back.

I am a person. I'm a human being.

Tell the asshole I'm borrowing his car.

You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can.

Didn't you learn

not to play in the rain?

♪ Some days are dry Some days are leaky ♪

♪ Some days come clean Other days are sneaky ♪

♪ Some days take less But most days take more ♪

♪ Some days are better Than others ♪

♪ Some days you wake up With her complaining ♪

Bye. Thanks.

Thank you.

See you guys.

♪ Some days have a grin

♪ Some days You hear a voice ♪

This is where you live?

Yep. The yellow house over there.

FRANK: Do you like it?

Yeah. It's okay.

It was nice meeting you.

Likewise.

You're very well-behaved.

Thanks.

Veronica.

Virginia?

West Virginia.

Bye.

I never really looked.

I didn't see anything.

[ bicycle bell rings ]

Come on, Bentley.

Hey, dad.

WOMAN: Come on, Amanda.

Hurry, girls.

Your hair looks funny. Ha, ha, ha!

CHILD: Dad!

Hey!

Looks like TV.

[ car doesn't start ]

Can I use your phone?

The phone's over here.

Where are your parents?

I only have one, a father.

He's in the Tanahpaya wetlands.

This was all once wetlands.

He's trying to save the last five acres,

but he won't.

No money.

He teaches science by day

and tries to save the wetlands by night.

I admire but pity him.

You pity him?

Well, yeah.

His goals aren't realistic.

[ horn honks ]

That's him.

Maybe he shouldn't find me here.

Why not?

He's seen girls before.

Hey, dad.

Dad, look over there.

It's a girl.

DAD: I know.

What do you say?

Thank you?

To her. To her.

Dad, this is V.

FRANK: V, this is dad.

Hello.

Hello. Dad.

What's she doing here?

Her car broke down.

But who is she?

She's, uh.

she's Brad's new math tutor.

She gave me a ride home.

Then her car wouldn't start.

[ car doesn't start ]

You know what it is?

It's not the starter.

Tom. Larry.

Wow!

Frank was telling me what you do.

Really?

Do you enjoy it?

Enjoy it?

Sometimes.

You can move around--

change of scenery, meet new people.

I never thought of it that way.

You seem like a real "people" person.

Outgoing. Not like me.

No?

Thanks.

I bet you're good at it.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Am I glad to hear you say that.

It's the one subject

he's having trouble with.

Could you fit him in?

Him?

Frank.

Frank? Are you kidding?

At his age?

If he doesn't learn now,

he's never going to.

I'd teach him myself,

but I'm out of practice. Aah!

Ow! Um.

You should never have to practice.

Easy for you to say.

You're a professional.

If us laymen don't use it, we lose it.

Well, how long has it been--

you know, since you. used it?

I use it a little bit every day--

the bank, the grocery store--

but it's probably been

10, 15 years since I was any good at it.

It doesn't come up that often.

Maybe it's the neighborhood.

Tom. Larry.

Wow!

[ Car doesn't start ]

Well, it's not the battery.

In the morning, I'll check the fuel line,

the alternator, the pump.

It could be worn-down plugs.

I'll replace them in the morning.

Could I give you a ride home?

Um, no. I can walk.

What do you think?

Can you help him?

I'd rather do something for you.

What could you do for me?

Well, it seems like

you've forgotten just about everything.

I remember the basics.

I'm not concerned about myself.

It's Frank I'm worried about.

It's not that important to me anymore.

Ha, ha!

Poor man.

♪ I was born To make you happy ♪

♪ Think you're Just my style ♪

♪ Everywhere I go

♪ Telling everyone I know

♪ Baby, I love To see you smile ♪

♪ Don't wanna Take a trip to China ♪

♪ Don't wanna Sail up the Nile ♪

♪ Wouldn't wanna Get too far ♪

♪ From where you are

♪ 'Cause I love To see you smile ♪

[ low whistle ]

STACEY: Look at her.

Oh, my God.

Her top is so low.

And her skirt is so high.

That is bad.

It is.

It's very, very bad.

Are you, uh, what I think you are?

I'm not the public health nurse.

Would you, uh, like company?

Yes, I would.

Hi, Andy.

MAN: Hi, boss.

Hi.

Did you hear that?

That was bad.

That was very, very bad.

Want a date?

That's not going to work.

That's Reverend Whitehead.

God doesn't let him do that.

I got you ice cream. You're probably hungry.

What are you doing here?

Where are you going to sleep?

In a hotel, if you'll let me make some money.

You shouldn't be doing this.

What are you, some child missionary?

Sort of.

I did have an idea about the sleeping thing.

Hi, Frank.

She spoke to me.

I speak to her. She never speaks to me.

Hey, Frank. Going to the dance?

I can't dance.

Me, neither.

Aren't you going to introduce us?

I'm Frank's father's sister, Aunt V.

Frank and I are very close, aren't we?

We've got to be going. See you.

STACEY: Look at the way she walks.

That is bad.

That is very, very bad.

Are you running away?

No! What are you doing?

I'm organizing a fund raiser.

Again?

There's only two weeks

before they bulldoze my 5 acres.

Who will you invite?

I don't know.

Thanks, pal.

Frank?

You know G? "G"?

The math tutor.

Yeah?

She's a Grace Kelly.

Yeah.

Ha, ha, ha!

Light.

Reading material.

Hey.

Dinner, with everything.

Oh, great.

And, pajamas.

Okay.

Turn around.

Why?

I'm changing, and you don't have any money.

This is sweet.

It was my mom's.

Won't she miss it?

She died before I was born.

I think that's impossible.

She died exactly when I was born, to the minute.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You can turn around now.

What's this?

Did some rich guy give it to you?

No.

Oh, did your mom give it to you

to remember her by?

No. I stole it.

Oh.

Too bad it's empty.

Too bad you don't have a guy for it--

a guy with a house, a job, a car,

credit cards.

and a son.

What you're doing is not going to work.

What am I doing?

You want me to date your dad.

No, I don't.

I want you to marry my dad.

Let me explain.

I never mix business with pleasure.

I'm not talking about pleasure.

I'm talking about marriage.

But people like your dad

don't marry women like me.

I told him what you did,

and he didn't mind.

I told the truth.

Really?

I think the truth gets you in trouble.

Know what you should do?

Find your dad a nice woman from town.

They don't understand him.

I don't understand him!

He spends all his time

wading around cataloguing plants.

Well, good night.

Use the can if you need anything.

The can?

Looks like a boob.

Hello, V?

V?

V, this is Frank.

in the can.

This is V!

My dad thinks you look like Grace Kelly.

Good night.

Good night, Frank.

FRANK: I'm telling you,

she slept in the tree house!

You're full of shit.

A "C"! My dad will kill me.

What's wrong with a "C"?

Her car broke down. She's there now!

She's going to tell!

She's not there.

I'll bet a zillion dollars.

Name your price.

Your leather jacket.

Oh, thank God! A "D"!

What?

No, I'd rather bet a zillion dollars.

Look, if she's not there,

I'll be your slave for life!

These are excellent terms, Brad.

You're toast.

Oh, no!

Ha, ha! He got an "F"!

Your understanding

of the female reproductive cycle

is simply not satisfactory.

I'm giving you a second chance,

by assigning an oral presentation.

Oral, as in from the mouth?

That's exactly right.

An oral presentation on the material,

with visual aids,

due by the end of the week.

What kind of visual aids?

TV REPORTER: Well, trash day

in the red-light district took on new meaning

as one local resident made a grisly discovery.

He found among the trash cans

the dead body of an unidentified white male.

The body, when examined by paramedics,

showed signs of what police are calling

"ritualistic mutilation."

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Authorities wouldn't elaborate on the mutilation

or release the victim's name,

but speculation is that the killing was related

to drugs and prostitution.

Importer and reputed mob boss Jerry the Pope

denied allegations that moneys

from local prostitution operations

were being funneled through his corporation.

[ ring ]

Hello?

Betty, I'm watching the news. What happened?

Um.

Cash stole from Waltzer,

so Waltzer cut his heart out.

I guess he wasn't a person after all.

V.

Cash said that you took the money.

That's not true.

I-I believe you,

but, um,

you got to tell Waltzer in person.

[ mouthing ]

Um,

tell me where you are.

I'll come to you.

V?

Oh, shit.

Got to get out of here. Okay.

[ car doesn't start ]

Oh!

Excuse me!

Sorry. Excuse me.

Thank you.

Who do I need to find? What am I doing?

Dad, dad. Find dad.

Um, excuse me. I'm looking for Frank's father.

Uh, he's a teacher here.

Oh! What's the goddamn name?

His name is, um.

Tom.

Tom. That's his name.

STUDENT: Hey, Tom, over here!

TOM: Now feel the edges.

That's one way to tell. Sedges have edges!

If you look at this soil under a microscope,

you could see thousands of years of evolution!

Thanks, Mr. Wheeler.

You're welcome, Nate.

Mr. Wheeler, is this toadflax?

No, that's impatiens capensis, or touch-me-not.

Guys! I found a touch-me-not!

Untouched, here in the middle

of suburban uniformity, you can find.

A tiny wilderness.

Dad! Hey, dad! Whoa!

I need to talk to you for a second.

STUDENT: He has a daughter?

You have to fix my car.

I planned to, after school.

I can't wait that long.

I need to leave town, right now.

Lady, we all do!

Are you late for an appointment with a client?

Are you a religious fanatic or something?

No. Why?

Because you're just the most

understanding man I've ever met.

Thank you.

Wow, look at this place.

What is this?

This is the Tanahpaya wetlands--

what's left of it.

This is the place that you're trying to save.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

TOM: You think so?

V: Yeah.

Why would anybody want to ruin this?

Well.

Look!

BOTH: A glossy ibis!

I watch a lot of documentaries on TV.

You know, maybe I don't have to leave.

I mean, it's so safe here.

Nobody knows about this place

except you.

and me.

Just you.

and me.

And the 20 of us.

[ laughter ]

I-I could fix your car at 4:00.

Okay.

Can you manage on foot?

Yeah. I have this.

I have this old bike here.

Hey, hey! That's my bike!

Oh! Ha, ha!

Bye.

It's her car.

It's her car! Oh!

What are you doing?

I'm taking a bath.

Why?

Because my boss had his heart ripped out.

Some bad people are after me, so I'm staying.

I've seen The Brady Bunch.

Nothing bad happens to you people.

I told you.

She'll tell our parents!

If my dad finds out, I'm dead!

She's not going to tell!

She's going to marry my dad.

Marry her? Marry her? He can't marry her!

No one can marry her!

When people marry, they tell everything!

She'll tell. They all tell!

Kevin! Listen to me.

If she tells, we'll say it's Frank.

Fine.

Brad!

You're wearing my jacket.

I thought we bet a zillion dollars.

We need to get a few things straight.

Dad isn't home. Relax.

You can stay in my tree fort

and play in the house when dad's at work.

No smoking, no swearing,

and no letting dad know you're staying here.

and don't take your clothes off for money.

Ha, ha, ha! Anything else?

Yeah.

I need some help with my homework.

What's the subject?

How long do you want me to wait?

Till you're more mature.

A sexual relationship

is a very precious thing.

I was talking about dinner. It's getting cold.

Oh.

I knew that.

Ready?

Yeah.

BOTH: Ready, set, go.

Ah, beat you!

Ha, ha, ha!

Who was a faster eater, you or mom?

We never raced.

What kind of microwave dinners did she like?

We cooked real food.

Do you miss real food?

I've never eaten it.

[ bell rings ]

All right, everybody! Sit down.

Okay, come on.

Let's get started. Time!

Sit down.

Ohh!

Look at that!

BRAD: Look! Do you believe it?

He's wearing the jacket!

Frank, are you ready to begin your report?

No, not yet.

[ ring ]

Owen Meany Junior High.

Just a moment.

Mrs. Fetch,

please report to the office.

You have a phone call.

Uh, Frank, don't do anything until I get back.

Of course!

Let's get started.

On what?

Get started on what?

He looks so cool.

What is he doing?

What's he doing?

Hello.

Aaah!

Hello.

Hello?

The line is dead.

This is a woman.

[ cheers and whistles ]

These are her breasts.

[ cheers and giggling ]

They serve an important biological function

in child-rearing,

as both a food source.

and headrest.

[ cheers and laughter ]

Size and shape of breasts may vary

from person to person,

but number is constant-- one, two.

Whoo!

Please.

[ gasp ]

MRS. FETCH: Children! Children!

Who wants to go on?

Children, unlock this door!

I didn't want to do this. It's the assignment.

These.

are the ovaries.

Oh! Oh.

Oh!

That's where the eggs are.

Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs,

eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs.

Each ovary is connected to a fallopian tube.

MRS. FETCH: Frank!

Uh, which swings down like a little freeway.

MRS. FETCH: Open this door now!

Leading to the uterus, that fist-sized baby motel,

which is roughly here.

What?

Tickles.

Sorry. Wait. Where was I?

Uterus.

Excuse me?

Baby motel!

Oh, right, which brings us to.

intercourse!

Whoaah!

May I have a volunteer from the class?

[ Applause and cheering ]

FRANK: Here's something. What do you think?

Mmm.

Okay, how about this one?

This is nice.

I don't know.

I-I don't think

that I should wear her clothes.

V?

Yeah?

Is there a place you can touch

to make a woman completely insane?

Where did you hear that?

A magazine.

Um, well.

Don't count on it.

Okay.

How about this one?

Like it?

Know what I like about you?

Every time I think of you, you appear.

Mmm.

If you're not rushing to see a client

No.

Not in this dress.

Could we have dinner?

Yes. Really?

Yes. Yes!

Okay.

I'm just going to change.

Vicky? No.

Valerie?

Virginia?

No.

West Virginia?

Hmm?

He asked me out!

He's changing right now.

I saw.

He's ironing like crazy.

Why are you dolled up?

I'm not!

Are you coming?

Gross! I have my own life, thanks.

Is that cologne you're wearing?

No.

Are you going on a date?

No.

Just practicing being cool,

in case I run into Stacey.

Oh. Do you have something to give her?

Is that a rule?

No, but it should be.

Girls and gifts.

Kind of the same word.

I can't take this.

Why not?

I'm not giving this to anyone.

I'll keep it with me always.

Yeah?

Thanks.

You're welcome.

I never had time to be lonely.

I had Frank,

and I buried myself in my work.

Other than Frank,

the wetlands mean everything to me.

Look, honey. It's Frank's dad.

I wonder who that is.

She's a hooker.

Oh, honey! Shh.

I can't believe I'm saying all this.

Why?

I'm normally not like this,

not at ease with new people.

No? Neither am I.

In my line of work, that's a problem.

How do you deal with it?

Well, let's see.

When I'm with someone new, I pretend like

I'm with someone I love.

That helps me get through.

[ crash ]

Oh!

I don't think I've ever met

a more dedicated teacher.

I don't think anyone's ever

looked at what I do that way.

Why? Because you don't do it in the classroom?

You know, you're an amazing man.

Right now,

with me.

What?

Are you pretending?

Pretending?

That you're with someone else,

someone you love.

No. I don't have to pretend with you.

Mmm.

Holly, isn't that your little friend's dad?

Yeah.MOTHER: Who is he with?

It's his sister.

I-I feel a, a strong,

almost mammalian pull towards you.

Hey.

You mean, like how the moon

pulls the tides?

Yes.

Yes, just like that.

DAD: Don't you mean his sister-in-law?

No. It's his sister.

I think that's sweet.

They must be an affectionate family.

You two could learn something

about how close

a brother and sister can be.

No one's said that before.

Say it again.

What?

The mammal word.

Mammalian.

Yes, that's it.

What does that mean?

Mammals are warm-blooded creatures.

Warm?

Very warm.

Yes?

Yes.

Very, very warm?

There's no way I'm doing that.

BOTH: We should go.

Um, where?

Well, we're-we're going to be late.

Oh.

We have reservations.

Yeah.

Tom! Judy.

Hank.

Kevin.

V!

You know this woman, son?

Not like we know each other,

Mr. Smith.

You, know her, father?

Uh, no! No, no.

You must be confusing me with someone else.

I may forget names

but never a face.

My name is V, the letter.

Your husband and I

did business together once.

Oh! Yes, of course!

Business!

I'm sorry. Of course.

Uh, V is a, um, dance instructor.

She taught me to dance.

You teach dance and tutor math?

Isn't that wonderful?

We should all go dancing sometime.

JUDY: Let's do it soon.

V could teach us some things.

Uh, she can't!

Um, she's retired.

It was really nice to see you. Bye.

Ha, ha, ha!

What--

Well, it's a small--

V.

V!

[ engine won't start ]

TOM: Stop that!

Stop it. What are you doing?

I thought you fixed it.

What's wrong with you?

I thought things were different.

What happened?

I don't understand.

That's why I'm leaving!

Let me take you.

Do you know where I live?

I have no idea.

Do you want to see it? Follow me.

Why are we climbing this tree?

May I ask why you're living

in my son's tree house?

Take off your pants first.

Why do I have to?

Men are better listeners

when they're not wearing pants,

and I don't want you

to be able to get away.

Fine. I'm taking off my pants.

This better be good.

Nobody's treated me like you do.

Like how?

Like a person.

How do others treat you?

Like a hooker.

Why would they do that?

Because I am a hooker.

What do you mean, exactly?

Frank said he told you.

What?

I'm a prostitute!

Men pay me to have sex with them.

Then why are you teaching math?

I don't teach math!

Frank said you're a tutor!

Frank said you didn't care

that I'm a hooker.

He bought me a hooker?

He didn't buy me for you!

What a relief!

I'm to marry you.

You said I looked like Grace Kelly.

Who said?

Frank. He probably lied about that, too.

No, he didn't.

I-I did say that.

I thought you were different and understanding.

That would explain

why you looked at me that way.

That was because you looked at me that way.

What way?

Like I was somebody.

You are somebody.

We're both somebodies.

How do you open--

I'm an adult-somebody teacher.

You're an adult-somebody hooker

I'm supposed to marry.

You should have told me.

You always say, it's not what you do,

it's who you are.

But there's a difference--

There was no "but."

I know you're trying to help.

She's the right woman.

What's so right about her?

I took this magazine test,

"Are you your mate's perfect woman?"

She scores 98%,

losing one because she's a stranger

and one because your relationship is a lie.

You only lose one?

It says it's unimportant.

What's more important?

If she's a grownup, has a job,

is independent, good with money, funny--

she doesn't swear anymore--

she watches cartoons,

likes ice cream,

and fits into mom's clothes.

I knew that dress looked familiar.

She likes you, dad!

That's the best part.

Where did you learn to be like this?

From you.

So,

what does the magazine say?

What should I do?

Call her.

On what?

V?

V?

She's not picking up.

V!

Ah! Jeez!

V, don't go!

I thought you were my friend, but you're not.

You're a liar.

[ door opens ]

I want to talk to you.

Stay away from me.

I should be angry. I was deceived.

I am not angry!

I just want to leave.

I don't like suburbs.

Car doesn't work.

Keep it! It isn't mine.

[ crying ]

[ lid slams ]

It's a diaphragm.

It's a locket.

Somebody's empty locket.

It's kind of sad.

It's my locket. I gave it to him.

He said he would keep it forever.

Ah!

It's a picture of his mom.

I didn't even know he had this.

She doesn't look at all like Grace Kelly.

Neither do I, for that matter.

You do to me.

I don't want to have sex with you, you know.

I don't want to have sex with you, either.

TOM: I never really thought

that she looked like Grace Kelly.

It was just a quality that she had,

a feeling.

It became a game with Frank and me,

who did or didn't have this quality.

It was so hard for me

to talk about her.

It was the only way

I could let Frank know about her.

Tell me how you met.

We knew each other in high school.

Actually, it was junior high school.

I remember the first time I saw her.

Yeah?

Yeah.

She was leaning on the kitchen counter,

talking on the telephone.

We were at a dance.

A dance.

I never went to a dance.

Why not?

Because I left home when I was 14.

Missed my whole life.

If I'm the first,

this might hurt a bit.

Are you trying to be funny?

I'm not talking about sex.

What are you talking about?

I want to make love.

Eve. Eve.

Eve is my real name.

I-I changed it

because it sounded too biblical,

so I took off the Es.

This hurts.

[ snoring ]

[ thump ]

Ow! Ouch. Damn it.

Yes, hello.

Uh, did you have somebody in mind, sir?

I have someone in mind. V.

V? Uh, we don't know where she is.

That's bullshit!

That's bullshit.

I saw her tonight in Middleton.

You saw her in Middleton?

Middleton? What address?

Um, he hung up.

Oh, he hung up.

She shouldn't be hard to find.

[ teakettle whistling ]

[ V giggles ]

BOTH: Good morning, Frank.

Did I miss something?

V and I have been in the wetlands

collecting samples since dawn.

I have to get something

out of the garbage.

You looking for this?

I'm sorry I lied,

but you said the truth

gets you in trouble.

Yeah.

Are you staying?

For a while.

As my mom?

No, not as your mom.

Well, then, as what?

Um, as a friend of the family.

That'll do.

Good. Come on.

There's just one more thing.

[ music playing ]

Now, I want you

to just watch my feet

and listen to the music,

Okay?

See? Now you try it.

Move your feet.

I said, move your feet, Frank!

I am!

Okay

New deal.

Um.

Don't move your feet, Okay?

Just sway your hips from side to side.

No! That's how it all starts.

What?

Sex. I've decided it's an evil scheme.

What can you do?

Something where you touch somebody

and move at the same time.

I can thumb-wrestle.

Okay. That's good. That's a start.

Watch out. I'm pretty good.

One, two, three, four,

now we start the thumb war.

♪ Has a history Plays tricks ♪

♪ She's a real deceiver

I got you.

No, you didn't!

Got you!

♪ Made me a true believer

Ha, ha, ha!

Come on.

Yeah!

♪ A true believer

Frank.

Whoa!

Frank!

You're dancing.

You're dancing, dude.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Nice day, isn't it?

Sour cream and onion.

Um, popsicles.

Sure. Pretzels?

Yeah.

Oh, fluff.

Hi. How are you?

Great.

Very good.

Good.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Have you seen this woman? It's important.

Take your time. I've got all day.

No, I can't say as I have. Sorry.

I beg your pardon--

Mom, can I have the new Cosmo, please?

My mom, she's the greatest.

Where are we going?

You're going home.

I'm getting out of here.

He didn't even recognize you.

He doesn't know

my dad can't fix cars.

I'm not staying, Frank.

[ drill whirring ]

So this is what it's like.

What do you mean?

To have a mom.

You look cool, Frank.

You look very, very cool.

Tonight, Stacey will think

you look very cool, too.

V, don't go.

It'll be fun. Come on, keep up.

[ Banging ]Oh, shit!

Frank! V!

Frank! V!

I found out what's wrong with the car!

Frank! Frank!

V?

Frank?

Where is everybody?

[ tires squealing ]

[ horn honks ]

♪ Over the mountain

♪ Across the sea

♪ There's a girl A-waiting for me ♪

♪ Across all the rivers Beyond every cloud ♪

♪ She's passing me

♪ Blowing loud

♪ Over the mountain

♪ A girl

♪ Waits for me

♪ There on the sand

♪ Every blade of grass

♪ Please tell the wind

What happened to you?

I stopped washing completely.

♪ Over the mountain

♪ A girl waits

You smell.

I will no longer be my father's dupe.

You don't look so good yourself. What's up?

Lots of things.

And Stacey loves Brad,

which makes me feel like I can't breathe.

It would be different if V were here.

Really?

You think so, huh?

What would you do if V were here?

I'd ask her to dance.

♪ My love waits

Prove it.

♪ For me

♪ Into each dark

♪ And starry night

♪ Oh, what a mystery

♪ That's sealed so tight

♪ Over the mountain

♪ A girl

Frank, I couldn't leave without saying goodbye.

Want to dance?

I thought you didn't know how.

I don't.

What do you do here if you can't dance?

I thumb-wrestle.

Look, sweetie.

It's your dance instructor.

Oh.

♪ I had a cat Named Way Out Willie ♪

♪ He got a cool little chick Named Rockin' Millie ♪

Oh, yes.

♪ He walks, and he strolls And he Suzie Qs ♪

♪ And do that crazy Hand jive, too ♪

♪ Hand jive

♪ Hand jive

♪ Hand jive

♪ Doin' that crazy hand jive

She's very good, isn't she?

Hmm? Yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

♪ "You and that hand jive Have got to go" ♪

♪ Willie said

"Papa, don't you put me down" ♪

He can dance.

He can dance really well.

♪ Hand jive, hand jive

She's a math tutor.

Can she solve multivariable equations?

What are the odds of finding another woman

with that body and those skills?

♪ Come on

♪ My love must be A kind of blind love ♪

Here comes my jacket.

I think he likes you.

Think he does?

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Would you like this?

♪ Shoo-bop shoo-bop

♪ Shoo-bop shoo-bop

Would you like to dance?

♪ Shoo-bop shoo-bop

♪ Oh, shoo-bop shoo-bop

♪ Are the stars out tonight? ♪

♪ Shoo-bop shoo-bop

Did I miss something?

♪ I don't know If it's cloudy or bright ♪

♪ I only have eyes

♪ For you

Mine.

[ tires squealing ]

Wait right here. Don't move.

Waltzer, what are you going to do?

I'm going to the sock hop--

whatever that is.

I have something important to tell you.

You don't want me to leave?

Right. I don't want you to leave,

but there's something else, too.

You've got nerve--

bringing a slut like this into our school.

♪ I don't know if

Oh!

[ screaming ]

You turned my son into a pig.

Yeah, but he's a happy pig.

There are children here!

There are children here!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

I'm happy to see you, V.

Yeah, it's a real gun.

Hey!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I'd ask you to dance,

but you got the last geezer in trouble.

You thought you could take my money.

Well, you thought wrong!

I wouldn't steal from you.

Whoa! Uh!

You think I'm stupid or something?

No.

Cash steals from me. He hides 250 grand.

I hated Cash.

My money pays for your life in the suburbs.

I wouldn't do anything like that.

Give me your best shot.

Ooh! Uh!

Now, here's the best part.

Are you listening?

One, I kill Cash. I kill you.

I get my money.

I love happy endings.

Money in the car?

"Money in the--"

It's still there.

[ alarm ringing ]

[ all screaming ]

Come on! Come on!

Mister, I know a shortcut!

WALTZER: I don't like fire.

Come on! This way! Over here!

Thanks, sonny Jim.

Oh, my God. It's a closet.

Yes!

I don't like closets! Oh, it's dark in here!

Uh! Uh!

Uh! Uh!

Come on!

[ horn honks ]

There it is! Go!

Little bastards!

Who's driving?

Whoa! Whoa! Frank.

Frank, you let me drive.

Let's go!

Yes!

There's no bloody fire!

Get out of the bloody way!

Get out! Come on!

Get out of the bloody way!

[ whistling ]

What the bloody hell happened, huh?

Well, some very small person took the car,

but I broke a nail, which is--

I'll break your bloody neck!

Get in there!

You're not worth the price of a bullet.

Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, yes, I am.

[ tires squeal ]

You're not. Am too.

Not. Am too.

Shut up! You're not!

V: Slower!

I can't reach the pedals and steer.

I've got some major cruise control.

I'll do the pedals.

Good idea.

No! Let me drive!

You can't drive from there!

Look out!

Aah!

[ horns honk ]

Oh! Oh! The sidewalk!

Sidewalk?

Oh, people!

[ screaming ]

[ horn honks ]

That was part of the car!

Brake! Brake! Gas!

[ horn honks ]

Aah! Brake!

Gas! Gas! He's coming!

[ horn honking ]

Aah! Oh, my God! Jesus!

Aah!

It's the pimp mobile!

Gas! Gas!

[ screaming ]

All right! I see it!

Aah!

Wait! Left! Left!

Um, um, um, um--

Right! Left!

Whoa!

Uh, that thing on the car is gone.

Do we need it?

Let me drive!

You broke the car!

Go right!

[ engine revs ]

You lost the steering wheel?

Who's smoking?

It's the car!

[ horns honk ]

[ all screaming ]

That mad friggin' tart!

[ ding ding ]

Sounds like a train.

It is a train!

Well, what's it doing?

[ Ding ding ]

Oh, nothing.

Oh, my God!

Brad, we'll never make it!

No, Brad, go! Go! We'll make it! Faster!

Brake!

Make up your minds!

[ horn honking ]

Aah!

All right!

Brake!

Gas!

My God!

Did we make it? What happened?

Fire!

It's a fire! Get out!

Get out!

BETTY: Ow! You big jerk!

You could have killed me!

Jesus!

She's going to blow!

Get out!

Go! Go!

Get away! Get out!

Help get him out!

Get him out!

They're children, you big dope!

Uh!

Oh, God, they blew up my bloody money!

[ sirens ]

When I find her,

I'm going to rip her face off!

Get in the car! Shut up!

Just get in there.

Oh, she's gone. She's gone.

Oh, shut up!

Cork your bloody beak.

Frank!

Dad! Dad!

Oh!

Are you okay?

Yeah. We blew up the car.

Open her up!

You boys all right?

[ both ] Yeah.

Was V with you?

She was with us.

Did she get out?

Yeah, she got out.

Well, where is she? Where is she?

Dad! Dad, she's gone.

She's gone, dad.

[ Police radio ]

[ doorbell rings ]

This way.

Thank you.

I want out.

You'd be taking money out of my pocket.

Waltzer's taking out

a lot more than I ever put in.

I'm saving you a fortune, Jerry.

I mean, let me go, please.

Goodbye, my child.

Thank you.

Um, what about Waltzer?

After today,

Waltzer doesn't exist anymore.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my God!

Ha, ha, ha!

[ siren ]

Nice chains, Mr. Wheeler.

My dad's in therapy, Mr. Wheeler. Thanks.

Dad, please, you lost.

You've been here for two days.

The paper didn't even show up.

If you unchain yourself,

nobody's pressing charges.

Please, dad.

If we unchain you, you're going to jail.

When this place goes,

part of me goes with it

a part of all of us.

I'll go to jail.

Okay, We're ready to go.

Tom, you're under arrest.

Dad!

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say will be used against you.

If you cannot afford one,

an attorney will be appointed.

Do you understand?

Forget it, Charlie.

He's got the right

to do any damn thing he pleases.

What's going on here?

What is that?

A deed.

It's the deed to the wetlands in my name.

Wha--

Somebody bought the Tanahpaya wetlands

in my name.

Who did this?

She did it.

V!

Oh, V!

Mmm.

Tom, I'm happy for you.

All right, boys, let's go home.

Does this mean you're staying?

Come on. I'll have to talk to your dad.

Wow!

This is so cool.

Well, you guys take care of yourselves.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You should have spent your money on yourself.

I did. I bought a few things.

This is for you and me.

The glossy ibis has to have a home.

Thanks.

Tell me I'm worth waiting for.

You're worth much more than that.

Ha, ha, ha!

[ car starts ]

Well, where are you going?

How will we find you?

Um, you know that ice cream parlor?

Yeah.

You know, the one where you first kissed me?

Yeah.

I bought it.

You're staying here?

Uh-huh. Here?

You know what?

There is a place you can touch a woman

that'll drive her crazy.

Where?

Her heart.

[ engine starts ]

See ya.

I have a hair.

Ha, ha, ha!

I have a hair!

♪ This heart was almost taken ♪

♪ This heart had love overflowin' ♪

♪ This heart was reawakened When you came along ♪

♪ This heart

♪ This heart was born Feet runnin' ♪

♪ This heart Saw your porch light on ♪

♪ This heart hit the sidewalk ♪

♪ Wonderin' why you Left it on ♪

♪ This heart Was stranded in the winter ♪

♪ Was stuck out in a blizzard In its summer clothes ♪

♪ This heart knows When love comes ♪

♪ And when it goes

♪ This heart Hears the telephone ringin' ♪

♪ This heart's gonna Let it go ♪

♪ 'Cause this heart

Knows the bells she's hearin' ♪

♪ Aren't the telephone

♪ This heart Has heard your laughter ♪

♪ This heart has learned How to smile ♪

♪ This heart Will be your true believer ♪

♪ If you stay awhile

♪ This heart Was stranded in the winter ♪

♪ Was stuck out in a blizzard In its summer clothes ♪

♪ This heart knows When love comes ♪

♪ And when it goes

♪ This heart, this heart This heart ♪

♪ This heart This heart, this heart ♪

♪ This heart, this heart This heart ♪

♪ This heart This heart, this heart ♪

♪ This heart Was stranded in the winter ♪

♪ Was stuck out in a blizzard In its summer clothes ♪

♪ This heart knows When love comes ♪

♪ And when it goes

♪ This heart Hears the telephone ringin' ♪

♪ This heart's gonna Let it go ♪

♪ 'Cause this heart

Knows the bells she's hearin' ♪

♪ Aren't the telephone

♪ This heart Has heard your laughter ♪

♪ This heart has learned How to smile ♪

♪ This heart Will be your true believer ♪

♪ If you stay awhile

♪ This heart, this heart This heart ♪

♪ This heart This heart, this heart ♪

♪ This heart, this heart This heart ♪