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- Torgo.
What were you doing, Torgo?
- Nothing, I.
- Torgo, oh, Torgo.
- Stay back, evil wenches.
- Run, Torgo, run.
- Think you can outrun us, Torgo?
- Get away from me.
Stay back!
Stay back.
- Aw.
Poor, Torgo.
- Is he dead?
- Not yet.
- Is he dead now?
- Now he is.
Poor Torgo.
- Poor Torgo.
- Yes.
Poor, poor Torgo.
- I'm just saying.
It's not the worst movie I have ever seen.
- You've seen something worse than Sharknado?
- Sharknado 2.
- Or Three.
- Sequels are a whole separate subject.
- At least Sharknado was fun, what about Love Actually?
- Objection, that's a Christmas movie.
You have to wait until at least October
to have that argument.
- Okay, then I'm going with The Room.
- I don't think I've seen that.
- Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna have to apologize in advance
for our next movie night.
- As if either of them actually
watch the movie night movie.
- I heard that.
- You know I used to have friends
that enjoyed watching good movies.
I miss that.
- Can we put the top up?
- No.
- Sorry.
- Look, Clara, we love you.
We wouldn't be taking you out of town
this weekend if we didn't.
But we brought my car for a reason.
- That reason is to enjoy the very special appearance
of the glowing orb in our sky.
- But I'm cold.
- No problem.
Hey, face-hugger twins, there should be a cardigan
back there somewhere.
- No, oh, yeah.
- That is one ugly sweater.
- Just pass it up.
- Is that for those hipster parties?
- Hey, I like those.
- It's for my mom, she gets cold easily too.
- Great, now I'm a middle-aged librarian.
- Here, want me to turn the heat on?
- You want my jacket?
- No, sorry, it's okay.
- Weren't you wearing that?
- Um.
- You can come back here and sit with us.
- No, that's okay.
- Shit.
- Everyone, this would be a really great time
to turn off your smart ass switch, okay?
Hello, officers.
How are you doing today?
- Not too bad.
I'm Sheriff Jennings and this is Deputy Georgia.
I see you have a tail light out.
- Oh, wow.
I'm sorry, sir, that's.
We left town in kind of a hurry,
and I didn't think to check over the car.
- That's too bad.
- Can't you give us a break, officer?
- Well, all right, all right.
You look like good kids.
- Thank you, sir.
- We sure do appreciate it.
- You kids aren't from around here are you?
- No, we're down from Portland
to treat my friend here to a five-star vacation
at a luxury resort.
- Vacations are fun.
- And this one should be great.
- What a blast.
- Guys.
- What, we're not doing anything.
- Well, whatever it is that you're not doing,
go don't do it somewhere else.
There's no luxury resort around here that I know of.
- Oh, well, the GPS said that.
- You know it'll be dark around soon
and I hate to think of you kids
being lost out here all night.
There's a real nice Ramada back in town.
Maybe you should think about staying there.
- Thank you for the suggestion,
but we have already paid for our rooms
so we better just--
- Are you sure now?
It'll be dark soon.
- We cannot afford to waste the money.
- All right, remember, no tail light, have it fixed.
- Thank you, sir, we sure will!
Is it just me or did that get weird?
- I'm pretty sure I read that sound
travels further at night.
- You're thinking of underwater.
Sound travels farther underwater.
- But we hear trains at night from the house
and we never hear 'em during the day.
- Okay, guys, don't freak out, but I'm a little lost.
- I thought you were using your phone mappy thing.
- I was, but my phone lost signal about 20 minutes ago.
- What?
- Mine's out of range as well.
- Yeah, mine too, huh.
- How can there not be any service?
There's supposed to be service everywhere.
Don't they have satellites and stuff?
And why would you keep driving if you
don't know where you're going?
- Last time I looked it said that the lodge
wasn't much further.
I thought I could just wing it,
and there would be signs and stuff.
We should have been there by now.
There's not a good place to turn around,
but there might be a spot just a bit back.
- Hey, wait a minute, look!
- Ah, you just missed the turn is all.
- That wasn't there before.
- You've been driving for a while.
You must have just missed it.
- No, I have been looking for the turn
ever since my phone went out.
Look at that sign, I would have noticed that.
For the past 10 minutes, it was just the one road
with no turns.
- Well, it's not like the road just
appeared out of nowhere.
- No, she's right.
I've been sitting here looking out the window this way.
There was not a road or a sign there a minute ago.
We were just here.
And I didn't see a thing, did you guys?
- Honestly, no.
- We really weren't looking at the scenery
outside the car.
- Ew.
- Look, now that we have a friendly sign
with an arrow on it why don't we just follow it?
What's the worse that could happen?
- Murder hippies.
- Murder hippies!
That's an oxymoron.
- You're an oxymoron.
- Death by irony is the worst kind.
- Me peeing in my pants if we don't find a bathroom soon
will be really bad.
- Let's just go find this place
and even if it's not the right Valley Lodge
at least they'll have a bathroom
and maybe they can give us directions.
- Fine.
- Debbie.
Debbie!
Wake up, sweetheart, it's time for school!
You know, it's so beautiful out today.
I think we should have a little picnic on the way home.
Just you and me and Pepe!
What?
Daddy?
Honey, you're so silly.
You never had a daddy.
It's just us, it's always been just us.
You and me.
We take care of ourselves.
We take care of each other.
Mommy loves you so much.
See how I take care of you?
We're so happy, just us!
Always.
Just us.
There.
That's better, baby.
- Is this it?
- The sign pointed this way.
- This place looks like shit.
- Sounds like the perfect place for my vacation then.
- No, way, it's cute.
It's like a grand old farmhouse.
- Just like Amityville Horror.
- The Amityville house was actually nice.
- Pat, what have you done to us?
- Hey, Airbnb has never failed me before.
- The listing did say it was supposed to be rustic.
- What is that?
- Maybe that's like the groundskeeper or something.
- Oh God, I hope not.
- He's got a crazy staff.
- No, that's like a walking stick.
He's got a disability or something.
- No way, look at the way his pants bulge out.
- You would notice his bulge.
- No, look, he's like a faun out of Narnia.
He's got full-on goat legs.
- Hey, don't make fun of the guy with the disability!
- I'm not.
- Wow, he's wearing coveralls with a suit jacket.
It's like formal garage wear.
- Is it lost on everyone that the dude from Deliverance
just walked out of the place we're supposed to be staying at
for our luxury resort vacation?
- Well, this certainly cannot be the place.
We should go up and ask directions.
- Oh, Master, I invoke thee.
Oh, Master, I invoke thee.
I implore you to guide and protect us,
and bring us to the will of Manos.
- Excuse me, hello.
Excuse me, sir.
- I am Torgo.
- Torgo?
Me Jay.
She Nicki.
She--
What? - Stop.
- Uh, we're looking for Valley Lodge.
- There is no place like that around here.
I am Torgo.
I take care of the place while Debbie
and the Master are away.
- Debbie and the Master?
- Yeah, like that '70s duo, the Captain and Tenille.
- Or Mork and Mindy.
- Or Tony Orlando and Dawn.
- Actually that was two people.
- How can Dawn be two people?
- As in the rising of the sun, not as in the name.
- Uh, guys.
- Oh, sorry, Torgo.
We'll just be on our way.
- Hey, wait a minute, what about a bathroom?
- No, you're better off peeing in the woods.
What's goin' on?
- I don't know, the car won't start.
I mean nothing, it's dead.
- Well, I can see that.
What could it be?
- I have no idea, this doesn't make any sense.
It's just not doing anything, and it was fine.
- Don't you have AAA or something?
- Yeah, but none of our phones is getting any service.
- Right, sorry.
- Looks like we're staying here for the night.
- Yeah, ha ha.
- Hey, Torgo, is there a landline here?
- Landline?
- Is there a phone we can use?
Our car won't start.
- We don't have a phone.
- Who doesn't have a phone?
- We don't have a phone.
Debbie and the Master don't approve of such devices.
- You really don't have a phone?
- Well, we're stuck out here.
Can we come in?
- You can't stay here.
Debbie and the Master wouldn't approve.
- Can we just come in for a minute?
- I...
Don't know.
- It's getting really cold out here.
- I feel like I'm gonna step through a doorway
and end up in Narnia.
- I feel like I'm gonna step through a doorway
and end up in a sewage treatment plant.
- Torgo, is there anything around here,
any place for us to go for help or stay the night maybe?
- There is no way out of here.
It will be dark soon.
- It will be dark in like three hours.
- A couple of us could hike back out to the main road
and see if we can catch a ride out of here.
- There is no way out of here.
It will be dark soon.
- You just said that.
Nicki and I can go and, uh.
- Oh no. - No.
- What?
- We are not sending you two into the woods
for a three hour make-out marathon.
I'll come with you and Nicki can stay with Clara.
- I don't wanna stay here.
Let's all just leave.
- Clara is supposed to be resting.
A 10 mile hike here might as well be 10,000 miles
for her right now.
- I'm right here.
- Stop me if I am saying something that is wrong.
- This house looks like it was built
at the turn of the century.
- This house looks like it was built
out of wet newspaper.
- This house looks like it hasn't
had a roof for 20 years.
- It doesn't look like a real restful type of place.
Maybe you shouldn't be alone.
Safety in numbers, true?
- True, all right.
- Torgo, is there a room our friends could just hang out in?
- You can't stay here.
Debbie and the Master wouldn't approve.
- Maybe he means Debbie Ann, comma, the Master.
As in, Debbie Ann runs this place.
- Mm, our friend here is supposed to be taking it easy.
Surely Debbie and the Master would understand that.
- I just don't know about it.
- It's only for a few hours.
What do you say, Torgo?
- Where's he going?
- Maybe he has to change his diaper.
- Maybe he is going to get our room ready.
- I think we freaked him out a little.
- We freaked him out?
- Hello?
- That girl in her nightgown just giggled at me.
- Like that's the first time that's ever happened to you.
- Well, today.
- Please walk really, really quickly.
- Yeah, even jog a little.
- Yeah, let's get going.
The earlier we leave, the earlier our real vacation starts.
- Hey, maybe you should be laying down or something.
- What?
- I mean, Jay.
I know Jay wasn't supposed to talk about it,
and he really didn't tell me anything.
He just said that you've been really, really sick and.
- It's okay.
- So I figured maybe you should go lay down or something?
- It's fine, I'm sorry.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Maybe we should go get that guy Torgo
to go get you a Gatorade or something.
- It's not that kinda sick.
- Listen, don't be mad at Jay.
He really, really didn't tell me anything.
He's just been really, really worried about you.
- Sorry.
- You apologize a lot.
- Sorry about that.
- So what happened with that guy that you were seeing?
- Dear God, don't you have a restroom
you wanna use or something?
- Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Will you be all right here for a moment?
- Yes, very much so please.
- Okay, I will be right back.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
What kind of bathroom doesn't have a mirror in it?
- Wow, the people in these old photographs
always look so sinister.
Whoa, that actually works.
Oh, man, are you okay?
- So are we just following this road then?
- Unless I missed the part of the road
where we were cruising through all the trees, yeah.
- A yes would have been just fine.
- Sorry, I'm just pissy.
- It's not my fault.
- I know, I would be way better if it were.
Why didn't I get the car checked out before I left town?
And why didn't the stupid car stall out
in any of the other three bazillion stupid places
it could have!
- Hey, take it easy, my friend Pat, there, angry lady.
- I'm ruining Clara's vacation!
- Well, look, not to be all Mr. Sunnyside Up
about everything, but I believe part of this weekend's motto
was to keep Clara's mind off of things, right?
- Partly.
- And I could pretty much guarantee she's not thinking
about any of that mess right now.
- Torgo.
Torgo, can you hear me?
Can you hear me, Torgo?
Torgo.
Torgo, can you hear me?
- I, uh.
- Okay.
Incoherent as heck, but better.
I'm so sorry.
You scared the heck out of me.
And, admittedly, I'm on extra edge right now.
You really shouldn't go sneaking up on people.
- Forgive me, Madam.
- If you can forgive me for going all Emma Peel on you,
then we'll call it a tie.
Hey, maybe you should sit down for a while.
- Don't know about it, I just.
- You really shouldn't try to do too much too soon
after something like that.
That was even a bit much for me.
See?
We're feeling better already.
- I.
Thank you.
- I'm Clara by the way.
I don't think I introduced myself.
So, how long have you worked here?
With Debbie and,
what was his name, the Master?
- Forever.
- I've had jobs that felt like that too.
You should think about leaving.
- There is no way out of here.
- I know exactly how that feels.
They say there is a way out though.
Listen, Torgo.
It will be dark soon.
Would it be okay if my friends and I stayed the night here?
- You can't stay here.
You must leave.
- Well, what if we offer to do some cleaning
or some chores or something?
I mean, the Master can't throw us out.
- You can't stay here!
- Great, Clara, that was just great.
Where did Nciki get to?
- Oh, Manos, god of primal darkness.
Hallowed be thy name.
Revered is thy presence in this realm
as I come before thee.
Hear me, hear me.
Hear me.
I beseech thee to bestow upon me the same permanence
that you have given your son, the Master.
I implore thee to give me that same power
so that I may continue to do your bidding.
Praise be to Manos.
Praise be to the Master.
Thy priestess remains constant and true.
Thy priestess remains at your side
like a bride to her husband,
a daughter to her father.
A devoted attendee to the Master.
Praise be.
Help us to do your will.
- You shall have a new master.
Praise be to Manos.
Praise be to Manos.
Praise be to Manos.
- Darling, you grow more beautiful with each passing day.
- Oh, you shouldn't talk like that.
I'm gonna have to go and tell my husband.
- Some sherry, darling?
I only live to serve you.
- Oh, well, maybe I won't tell my husband then,
but you are a very wicked boy.
- Um, excuse me, Ma'am.
Can you tell me how to?
- Oh, yes, darling, of course you can come in.
You know Mommy always has time for you.
Come over here and talk with us.
We are such a happy family, aren't we?
We are so nice and beautiful and happy.
So, did you enjoy your walk today?
Did you have fun on your walk with Pepe?
You know, you must never wander too far from the house.
Don't ever leave us, baby.
- Okay.
- Oh, no, you must leave this place.
Do not trust anything the Master says.
He loves beautiful women.
He'll say anything to make you his, don't listen to him.
Shut your ears, shut your mind.
Don't trust him.
Don't, don't, um.
Okay.
Don't tell anyone.
And don't even think about it, just run, run away.
While you still can.
The Master is with us always.
No matter where we go, he is with us.
The Master is with us always.
- Oh my God, what kind of place is this?
- Nicki.
Nicki.
Nicki.
Nicki.
Nicki.
Nicki.
The will of Manos draws you.
The will of Manos compels you.
- We have been walking for a while
and not only do I not see the road now,
I am not seeing anything.
It's all woods.
How did we get off the road?
- We're in unfamiliar territory.
Maybe we got turned around a bit.
We missed the road to the lodge earlier.
- That's because there was no road to the lodge earlier.
And then there was.
Ugh, this blows!
I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation
when we get back.
Mm, at least things can't get any worse, right?
- Mm, they can, things can always get worse.
You could get really sick, or you could die,
or someone you know could die.
- I didn't realize you were so pessimistic.
- I'm not pessimistic.
I'm just trying to keep things real.
We'll probably find help and we'll have a story for later.
- Yeah, I guess.
- I just need you to quit blaming yourself.
- Okay, I'll try.
- I mean, things could be worse.
- Like we could have run into a murder hippie cult?
- Yeah, or a pack of wild dogs roaming free.
Okay, Imma stop talking right now.
- Oh, what was that?
- It was nothing, Ma'am.
- Torgo, what did I tell you about sneaking up on somebody?
You don't want me to have to knock you out again, do you?
- Sorry, Ma'am.
- It's not Ma'am, it is Clara.
- Sorry.
Clara.
- No, I'm sorry.
I've just been on edge lately.
Been dealing with a lot of stuff.
Bad stuff.
Really bad stuff and just a little twitchy, I don't know.
- I understand.
I have had difficult times too.
- You too, huh?
- We must go back!
- Look, I don't understand.
- Please, Clara, we mustn't wander around the lodge.
Debbie and the Master wouldn't be pleased.
- So the Master, he keeps you here to serve him?
- Master keeps us all here to serve Manos.
- Okay, and who's this Manos character?
- Manos knows all.
Manos is all.
- And where is Manos?
- Manos is everywhere.
- Okay, so there's Manos who is everywhere
and the Master, where's he?
- The Master watches us.
The Master has transcended.
- Okay.
So then there's Debbie?
Oh, you're afraid of them.
You don't have to stay here.
Let me help you.
I was hurt once too by somebody that I trusted.
You can get out of this.
- I cannot leave.
Master won't allow it.
Debbie won't allow it.
- You seem so scared.
You are in a bad situation here.
A guy that I cared about, who I thought cared about me,
he basically stole from me.
And then he had me beat up, pretty bad,
hospital bad.
But I trusted him
and then I thought that everything was fine.
And I see how scared you are.
And how long before they do something really bad to you?
- I could have sworn they came this way.
- Well, if they did they should be out by now.
We both know this road goes nowhere.
- Then I don't know where they could have gone.
I don't like the idea of the kids
going deeper into these woods.
- Hey, sheriff, take a look at this!
- Where the heck did that come from?
Well, would you look at that.
Georgia, do you think you could get the cruiser along this?
- Sir, I could drive a Rambler
through a rabbit hole if I had to.
- Good, you go get the car and I'll wait here.
I just hope we're not too late.
- Would you like me to do that for you, Mother?
- No, no.
- There seems to be an unusual energy
around here today.
- Oh?
- Have you had a visitor, Mother?
- No.
No, I spent the afternoon with Debbie.
We had a picnic.
- How lovely.
And did you meet anyone while you were picnicking?
- What do you mean?
Who could we possibly meet way out here?
- Who indeed?
- Oh.
You mean my gentleman friend.
He's no one to worry about.
- You know what I mean!
Who is here?
- Don't be silly.
You know there's only you and me and Pepe here.
So, what would you like to do tomorrow?
Should I make your favorite dinner?
Would you like that?
- Think there's bears in these woods?
- Ugh, I would hate to run up on one
of them in the dark.
- Or snakes.
- Or in the light, for that matter.
- Don't you know about all this woodsy stuff?
- Why, because I'm a lesbian?
- Yeah, sure.
- Do you know about the woods?
You're the man after all.
- I was raised in the suburbs.
- Exactly.
You're a city guy, I'm a city lesbian.
Need to know about the best place to go
for brunch before the Pride Parade?
I'm your woman.
Need to know how to start a fire
or build a shelter out of moss, or eat bugs?
I will be at the nearest hotel
getting a mani-pedi, thank you very much.
- What the?
- Uh, hello?
- Is that the lady from the house?
- I don't think so.
Hi there, we're a little lost.
- We must be closer to civilization than we thought.
No one would go hiking in the woods in that getup.
- No one in their right mind.
- Whoa, sexy ninjas.
- This is starting to feel oddly
like a Dear Penthouse letter.
- Sorry to interrupt your backwoods slumber party
fashion show, ladies,
but could someone point us back to town?
- Or maybe one of you have a phone we can use?
Maybe not.
- Don't everyone talk at once, please.
- Oh thank God, we have found the--
- Creepy lodge place.
- Less creepy than the woods place.
- I thought we were going in one direction.
How did we get so turned around?
- Look, I saw it in Myth Busters.
That happens to people all the time,
getting lost in the woods.
As of right now, I'm just happy to see any place
but the woods.
It's dark and the house is the safest place
for us right now.
- You have a point there.
- We can bunk down for the night
and set out as soon as it gets light.
- I'll get the snacks from the car.
- I hope Nicki and Clara have at least had a good rest.
- What is up with this house?
It's really starting to creep me out.
Torgo?
- Look, Torgo has a girlfriend!
- Nicki.
Nicki.
Nicki.
- You must go back.
- Nicki.
Nicki.
The will of Manos draws you.
The will of Manos compels you.
- You must leave this house.
- Manos loves beautiful women.
You will be the bride of Manos.
Manos.
You will be the bride of Manos.
- Nicki!
Hey, hey.
Come on.
We gotta get outta here.
- Where is everyone?
- I don't know.
- Jay, in here!
Jay.
Pat!
Nicki!
Nicki?
Nicki?
- Nicki?
- Nicki?
- Nicki?
- Prepare her for sacrifice.
Manos's purpose must be served.
Enough!
Enough of this foolishness!
Come, prepare the sacrifice.
The will of Manos must be done.
- Where is everyone?
- I don't know.
- I only live to serve you.
- No, no, no!
No!
- Oh Manos, we conduct this ceremony today
of supplication to your awesome power
and bring you this sacrifice of beauty and vibrancy.
- Where do you think everyone is?
You think they're okay? - I have no idea.
- I bring you this offering and ask for your blessing
upon me, your humble and true servant.
I ask that which is due me through unwavering abidance.
Your will is mine.
- Nicki?
- Maybe they're in the car.
Maybe they're in the restroom.
Maybe they're in another room.
- Maybe they are just playing hide and seek.
- This bride has been prepared according to your word
and now awaits her new master.
- Okay, guys.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
- Be one with me, oh Manos.
Guide my hand, oh Manos.
- Maybe you should just be quiet.
- Jesus. - Let thy will be done.
- I'm sorry, I'm just getting scared.
- Silence!
- Do you think one of them's Debbie Ann?
- God, I really hope not.
- Torgo, what the hell.
Why are you still alive?
- I didn't want to, I didn't want to.
- I'm not sorry that you're still alive,
but I saw what they did to you.
- She has it, I have no control over it.
I have no choice.
- What are you talking about?
- I have no choice!
- Torgo, what did you do?
- I didn't mean to.
I had no choice.
- What do you mean?
What is happening here?
- You can't do anything for her now.
You cannot save her.
You must leave.
- What'd you do to her?
- It's not safe for you, you must leave.
You must leave now!
- Oh, thank you, how nice of you.
Oh, I love roses.
Thank you, oh!
Oh, sherry, is that sherry?
It's my favorite.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Oh, that's so won...
- What?
- Oh my God.
Oh, oh.
Quick, quick, in the closet.
Quick, hurry.
- Nicki.
- Jay, have you noticed?
They are all covered in blood.
- Nicki, what's going on?
- You missed the ceremony, Mother.
- What?
- The ceremony, the sacrifice.
Why were you not in your place?
- Oh, maybe, I'm sorry I missed your tea party,
but Mommy was busy taking care of her hair.
- Your hair?
- You know, we have to brush our hair 100 strokes
every day to make it shiny.
- Your hair, Mother, is a tangled nest fit for rodents.
Brushing it doesn't make a difference.
- Now, sweetie, I know you're upset,
but you mustn't be mean to Mommy.
- Silence!
Why were you not in your place?
- Killing doesn't help anymore.
- The man!
The man has defiled the Master's bride.
- What have you done to her?
- She belongs to Manos.
- He must be punished.
- Jay, Jay, I think we need to go now.
- No, I'm not leaving her here again!
- The man must be punished.
- The man. - Yes.
- He must be punished.
- The man must. - He must be punished.
- The man! - Manos.
- The man. - He must be punished.
- Manos decrees it.
- The man!
- He must be punished.
- Yes, the man. - The will of Manos.
- Look at me, you mad old hag!
- Mad?
Yes, maybe I am mad,
but I'm not the one serving the blood lust of a dead god,
mistress of a house of shadows.
- Manos has made me permanent.
You're the one that brought me here.
Why are you so jealous of the power he's given me?
- Power?
Your power fails you.
You're losing control, see!
Even Torgo defies you.
- You have failed us, Mother.
Perhaps your service to us has come to its end now.
- I do not fear you.
- Torgo, seize her!
- See how I take care of you?
Torgo, I command you.
Take this woman away from here.
You must get away from this place.
Go!
- Wait.
Aren't we safe now?
- Child, Manos is permanent.
His power is only temporarily
weakened by the loss of his vessel.
You must leave this place.
You must, you must go!
Now, here, take this.
You must go now.
Take her away from this place!
Leave, take her, quickly.
Go!
- Come on!
- I, I cannot.
- What do you mean?
Come on, we gotta get outta here.
- I cannot leave.
- Torgo, you don't owe these people anything.
Let's go!
You can come with me.
- No, I cannot.
Manos makes you eternal, but only in the house of Manos.
I cannot leave.
Here, take this.
Take this and bury it far away from here.
- Are you hurt?
- Ma'am, you're gonna be all right.
- Just sit tight and we'll get you home.
Wanna tell us what happened in that house tonight?
- I think she's in shock.
- At least she got out.
Thank Manos we got here in time.
- Manos be praised.
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