Original subtitles

Sebastián rhymes with...

Attraction

It also rhymes with assassin

But mine is no womanizer

Good morning.

Good morning, baby face.

I'm drowning.

How much shampoo did you use?

Hey.

I want to invite your friends over for brunch.

-Seriously? -What? Is that bad?

No. I just think it's strange.

Well, your friends are kind of... particular, and I want them to like me.

What do you mean? They're not particular.

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

-I told you not to buy rosé. -I don't see what the problem is.

It costs half and tastes the same.

Everybody knows that 11:00 brunch calls for pinot grigio, right?

We should have brought a bottle of Tonayán spirits.

What's wrong? You've been hostile the past few days.

This girl is trying to win us over.

She wants to meet her boyfriend's buddies, so what?

It's the first time in a long time that Sebastián is happy.

-I don't get your attitude. -Damn Yoko.

Fish almost has a point.

We have to be very selective about who we let into our group.

No way, man. We're not the MS-13.

It's not open doors either. She should take an admissions test.

-Hi! -Hi!

-Come in. -Thank you.

What a nice place!

-Hi. -It's cute.

-I'll put these over here. -Wow, cool!

-How are you, Fish? -Fine.

-Hey, dude. -What's up?

-How's it going? Great. -Fine. And you?

I'm sorry we brought rosé.

That's okay, I'm chilling a pinot grigio.

Finally, somebody with good taste.

We'll open it in a minute.

-Is this by Magdalena Carreño? -Yes.

Each thumbtack represents a micro-aggression against a woman.

If you only get one, it seems like nothing's wrong.

...from an insecurity.

Yes, she's my favorite feminist artist.

-Really? -Yeah.

-You can have it. Take it. -No, I couldn't do that.

She's my friend, she'll make me another one.

Take it, please.

Use this opportunity to have a threesome, now that Fabiana is experimenting.

What are you doing?

Mafer makes me take out the middle of the bun so we look good in our wedding photos.

-Next, she'll make you wear a girdle, dude. -And pluck his eyebrows.

Once I was with a dominatrix who used to bathe me in wax

and then she removed all my hair. She didn't miss a spot.

Tell me more.

I was looking for this magazine.

There's an article about the Nikkei 225,

-Tokyo Stock Exchange... -We don't give a shit

-about the Tokyo Stock Exchange. -Or half a shit.

They're expecting a 1.2% contraction this trimester.

Of course. Automobile exports...

-Have never been worse. -...have never been worse.

Fish, I made you this dip without chives because Sebas told me you don't like them.

Okay.

Sebastián can't eat that. He's controlling his cholesterol

-because he's an actor. Did he tell you? -Yes, he did.

-Pinot? -Me.

-Me too, but I don't have a glass. -I want some more.

-I'll bring you a glass. -Thank you.

I don't know, that's a lot of lace. Like for a baby prostitute.

-No, it's not. -You have some nerve, Mafer.

-You have some nerve wearing a white gown. -You're an asshole.

Mafer, is that your fiancé?

Yes. This is my dress. Look.

Oh, is it a Gianco Di Catti?

-Right? -Yes, it's a Gianco Di Coto.

These guys keep screwing with me.

Would you like to come to my fitting?

Yes, I'd love to.

-Okay, give me your WhatsApp. -I don't have WhatsApp.

-Really? -Really?

-You don't use technology? -No.

I thought Sebastián was lying. You know how he loves being so dramatic.

I don't love being dramatic, thank you.

And by the way, I bought her a cell phone and she refuses to use it.

That's strange, to be gifted a cell phone and refuse to use it.

It's almost like she's hiding something from us.

-Fish, don't be that way. -I'm going to get a drink.

Did someone give Fish coffee?

-No. -He's a bit territorial.

Did you tell her?

I'm about to.

Dude, if you don't tell her, I will.

I don't keep things from her. She's going to get pissed at me.

I have to get everything set up first.

I'm talking to clients, opening my own firm.

Why don't you ask your dad to help with the wedding?

Forget it, that's out of the question.

You have to tell her...

It's not a crime...

Yummy.

...to not be the provider who solves everything all the time.

The plan is to have a Jaureguiberri wedding.

That's the way it's going to stay. I'll get the money.

Let's not have this conversation again.

You're screwing up.

Come here, don't be antisocial.

I'm going to take a photograph.

-Yeah? -Okay!

Come on.

What for? So people don't...

-Ready? -To pretend you're not an alcoholic?

-Fish, join in. -No.

-Join society. -I don't like photos.

Thank you. I'm a private person.

Okay, one, two...

-Let me see. -It's instant.

-It's a Polaroid. -I didn't notice.

Hey! I changed my mind.

I want a photograph. But of me alone.

Julieta?

-Will you take one of him alone? -Yes.

Standing there?

-Yes, like this. -Okay.

Here we go.

How can you be in love if you barely know her?

No, it's for real. I've never felt this way.

Have you thought that maybe you're infatuated?

She gets along great with my friends, which is very strange.

She might be nice, but you being in love with her?

-Isn't that a stretch? -Look...

I know it's strange for somebody who has never loved anyone.

-But it's love at first sight, it feels great. -How do you know it's love?

-It's like I know her essence. -Her essence?

-What does that have to do with it? -It's like how I know yours.

That's more than enough to know if you know somebody,

if you like them, if you can fall in love with them.

So you know my essence?

Am I a dog person or a cat person?

You're fun-loving, friendly.

-Yeah. -Cool.

What else?

You're a dog person.

-I have three cats. -That's embarrassing.

I could be a serial killer and you wouldn't know it.

-You're shitting me, with these little hands? -With these little hands, I can...

Excuse me, Sebastián.

We can't film the scene.

-Lucía refuses to come out of her trailer. -Okay, so?

She asked for a ginger kombucha and a mushroom sandwich

from a vegan café in Los Angeles.

They're on their way, but they'll take time.

The caterers won't even give me seconds. Are you kidding me?

Farré wants you to talk to her.

-Why me? -Because she's your ex.

Exactly. That means I have no influence over her actions.

Please, Sebastián.

The whole set is on standby. Please.

You people hired her, it's your problem. Sorry, nothing personal. Don't take offense.

Thanks.

Sorry.

If I get her out, would they give me seconds of meat?

I'm always hungry.

Man, what the hell's with this broad?

I searched all over, she has no social media, not a single photograph.

There's no record of her on the Internet. She's like a KGB spy. This is weird.

Why are you obsessed with finding her, you fucking stalker?

I'm not obsessed, I just have to know what Sebi is facing.

Shit.

And that is why I love him so much and he's my boyfriend. Kiss me!

-Shit. -What? Did you find her? Did you?

Check this out.

-Know what this means? -I don't know, that you're a voyeur?

-That she isn't a lesbian. -Who isn't a lesbian?

-Andy. -Who's Andy?

The broad I took to the premiere who made out with Fabiana.

It drove me mad!

Dude, that doesn't matter. Listen to me, man!

I need you to ask your mini-hacker to please help me find Julieta.

Oh, Fish.

We don't air our dirty laundry in public, dude.

It's "wash," not "air."

I have to shave my balls, do my Kegels, buy a golden pill,

buy coconut oil, and do 150 push-ups!

First, we do a yoga class only for women,

and afterward there's a discussion about the work...

-That's incredible. -I'm going to invite you.

-You look beautiful. -You look lovely.

-You like it? -Yes!

-Can you hold this? -Yes, of course.

Thanks, Ara. Thanks.

I'm not sure. I'm really not sure.

Because it's a bit expensive.

Really?

Holy...

Yes, of course.

I've seen Mexican gowns by Mexican designers like this.

Daniel feels more comfortable because his dad is helping.

-He feels more comfortable? -Yes.

This only happens once in a lifetime.

-Yes, it's incredible! -It's a single day...

-In your whole life. -...in my whole life.

Look at that neckline, the sexy back. Yes!

-Really? I'm going to buy it! -Yes, say yes to the dress!

Mafer, you can't buy that dress.

Why not?

Daniel and I were fired.

-How come? -It wasn't his fault.

-It was a total misunderstanding. -A misunderstanding?

-Are you screwing with me? -No.

It's for real?

It wasn't Daniel's fault. I swear, it wasn't his fault. He was tricked.

Who? What is that? I don't know what that means.

Tell me what happened.

Go! What?

-Talk to him. -No, you tell me.

Explain it to me.

-I can show you. -Show me.

It's looks bad, but it's not what it seems. I swear, it isn't.

Give it to me.

What?

Daniel doesn't do that. I can assure you that he doesn't do drugs.

-He's the only one... -What the fuck is he doing?

-He snorted that shit. -Billy Boy set him up.

I don't care, I'm not marrying Billy Boy!

I think Daniel must be under tremendous pressure.

Pressure from what, Julieta? Pressure from what?!

-No, nothing. -Sorry.

He's working three times as hard to pay for the wedding.

No, no, no. His dad leant us the money.

Everything is taken care of. His dad was going to help.

Now I get it.

I'm such an idiot.

I'm such an idiot.

Hi, Gonzo.

Yes, I'm coming. I'm on my way.

Some sashimi, ramen and a roll.

No, I'm not sharing.

Mafer and I went to see dresses.

She's going to be one of the worst bridezillas.

I don't want to know... Oh, sorry. What's up? Am I interrupting something?

No.

Aren't we going to eat? I'm fucking hungry.

-Why does it smell like patchouli? -It's vetiver.

Didn't you say the food was here? Where is it?

Fabiana, have a seat, please.

-Why? -Please, bud.

-I have a surprise for you. -Come on, Gonzo!

Fabiana, these have been a few interesting months.

Love, heartbreak, friends, dreams.

But above all, lies, Fabiana.

Lies, lies and lies.

I don't know what you're talking about, and I'm hungry.

I need some sashimi in my mouth right now.

You're about to put some raw meat in your mouth.

-What? -But the free dinners are over, Fabiana.

We made a bet.

Exactly.

And you, being one of the most demanding ambassadors of truth that I know,

sometimes you sin and speak untruths, Fabiana.

-Get to the point! -Today, life gave me something beautiful.

This piece is called...

She Wasn't a Lesbian.

A photographic print on paper.

-That's Andy. -Right.

-From the premiere. -The girl we bet on.

Exactly.

-She's a lesbian, look at her! That guy is gay. -Not really.

Lesbian women and men need each other.

-Fabiana! -It's hard to come out of the closet.

I researched them. They love each other.

They're a couple.

There was never any hint of lesbianism.

Ever.

I can't believe you put all of this together, this whole circus.

-I can't believe it. -Fabiana, Fabiana.

You can have your opinion of me, but you can't deny I honor my word.

Didn't I shave my head when Serena Williams lost Wimbledon?

Didn't I give a 70-year-old woman cunnilingus when you challenged me?

Didn't I take you out to eat 100 times

when you made me think that I lost the bet?

That bet didn't... It was idiotic from the beginning. Child's play.

Idiocy I paid for like a gentleman.

Gonzo...

-I can't believe that... -That you lost?

That you thought I would fuck you.

Never in my life. As if!

Don't screw with me, Fabiana, we made a bet.

We made a bet! Don't screw with me.

-I won our bet! I thought you were honorable. -Don't take bets so seriously.

-You smell like patchouli. -Fabiana, fuck me!

All right, all right, let's do this. We don't have a lot of time.

He has to go to the theater.

-Maestro. -Stop being ridiculous, please.

Okay, this is where you cross over the memory well

to get to the Oracle.

Clearly, it's a symbol of class struggle.

-I don't think so. -What?

Yeah, I don't think that's what should happen.

We read it together, we rehearsed once, we rehearsed twice.

I can't believe you're saying this now.

Listen, listen. I can do my job, all right?

-I can. -Yes, sir, I'll shut up.

What's wrong, you're not connecting with the subtext of the scene?

Yeah, I don't see any justification, and I'm not connecting.

It's not working.

Rodrigo, get the screenwriter to rewrite the scene with the actress.

-Make it quick. -Thank you.

-Quickly, please. -Calling the screenwriter.

While you do that, I'll be in my trailer.

Okay? I hope my gallon of raw coconut milk is here.

-Come on, Lucía. Don't start. -Bye.

We can't rewrite the scene just because the actress says so.

This is how the director visualized it.

-Let's do this shit. -Lucía and her whims.

I don't think it's a whim.

Do you see anybody else drinking raw coconut milk?

I believe she has a good reason to act this way.

Now it's my fault?

-Why? -Dude, you brought the girl you're dating

and kissed her on set.

In front of her. Really? How do you think she felt?

How do you think?

Like shit, you were immature. Sorry to say it.

So I should ask her for permission first, before I bring my girlfriend?

No, no. That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying if you want to begin a good relationship with Julieta,

first you should close this relationship with Lucía.

Pure math.

Fish. How are you, what's up?

-Hi. -Hello.

I'm here to pick up some things that Sebastián needs.

Okay. What things?

His gel...

-I'll help you look. -No, don't.

Don't let me interrupt. Go back to your book, I'll look.

-Where? -I suppose it's in my bathroom.

That's enough.

-Don't worry, I'll go. -Fine.

I can find it on my own. This way, right?

-Yes. -Okay.

No savings, right?

Is everything all right, Fish?

Yeah, fine.

Do you like punk music?

Why? Do you consider yourself an anarchist or something?

The other day I saw a girl on a skateboard wearing a pink Ramones T-shirt.

She was a total snob.

A snob?

What school did you go to?

-Edron school. -Parents? Married, divorced? Alive, dead?

Alive and married, Fish.

You're using protection? Why?

Do you have an illness that Sebastián and I should know about right now?

No. Of course not.

-A chancre? -No way.

Responsible sex is what it's called.

What's this lotion for?

Don't touch that! It's a personal lubricator that Sebas and I use.

It smells good.

So...

please tell me, what do you want to know, or what's wrong?

I want to know what your intentions are with my Sebi.

Same as yours.

-To make him happy. -And how can I know that you won't hurt him?

-What's my guarantee? -Why would I hurt him?

Have a seat.

Sit, sit.

I'm going to tell you a story.

When I was little, my dad invested all the family's money

in a pyramid scheme for fat-burning lotions.

He lost everything.

We had to move out of the house where we had always lived

and ended up living in a car.

That's when Sebi invited me to live at his place.

They made me feel like a sibling.

Sebastián talked to me every night.

He encouraged me, he gave me peace.

I owe my life to that fucker.

My intentions with Sebastián are 100 percent real.

He's always talking about you, the whole gang, dude.

He's very fortunate to have you as a friend.

FUCK ME

-Good morning, "Fuck me." -What?

Damn Gonzalo.

-Everything all right? -Yes, thanks.

Good.

So, as I was saying, I worked at the Ariza Group.

No, no, this is... a joke.

Okay. It doesn't matter.

My job at the Ariza Group was to help the staff give their best performances.

In the last two years... especially in the last semester.

Fuck me

No, thanks. What?!

Fuck me deep, fuck me

Sorry. Sorry. That's not--

Please go. We're in a meeting.

-Please, we're in a meeting, okay? -For God's sake. Is this a joke?

Please, forgive me. This is... I don't...

-I don't know how... No, please! -I have another appointment. Excuse me.

I don't want him to fuck me, I don't! Please! Please.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up!

Currently, I'm opening my firm,

and I have some preferential rates I know you'll find very interesting.

Yes, I worked at the Ariza Group.

No, that was a rumor...

You saw the video in an e-mail?

Thank you.

Goodbye.

-Hi, honey. -Are you coming to eat?

-No, I can't come eat today. -Some bread?

No, thank you, boss. You're too kind.

Order something. Something good.

-I'll order later, don't worry. -All right.

Fine. See you later. I love you.

Bye.

FUCK ME

No! That's it, I've had it!

That's it, where are you?

Where are you, Gonzalo? You're going to get it! That's it!

That's it! Where are you, Gonzalo?

You're going to meet the real me!

What do you want?

Besides having as much authority on the set as you do?

Can we talk?

Okay.

May I?

Okay.

Lucía.

Everything that happened really got to me.

I didn't know how to react, and...

And I didn't know what to do.

I fucked up... Sebas.

And I only wanted you to know that I regret it every day.

I don't know, if we had, I don't know, closed the cycle,

if we had talked when you wanted us to,

maybe all of this wouldn't have been blown out of proportion.

Look, I hurt you.

I hurt you, and you did absolutely nothing.

That made me feel this terrible guilt.

It's horrible when everybody knows that I fucked up like that.

Listen, Lucía...

What they did to you with that video sucked.

And what you did hurt me deeply.

But I need you to hear me out.

That image on the video, it's not the image I have of you.

I know who you are. Really.

I could have explained to you what wasn't working between us.

Instead, I feel like I took the easy way out.

You know? I always make the worst decisions.

Don't give me that shit!

I wish I'd made half the decisions you've made.

I would have been happier...

No, I should have been more in tune with what was going on between us.

We were together for 10 years.

We obviously took a lot for granted.

I think I subconsciously thought

that I would fix everything by asking you to marry me.

Dude, a mariachi band?

-What were you thinking? -I know.

-Dude. -I know. It was so silly.

-That was Fish, he told me to. -Obviously it was Fish.

Obviously it was Fish.

I wasn't right, okay?

I felt that I wasn't in the place that I deserved.

And it wasn't you. It wasn't you.

My life was on pause.

And suddenly your life started.

All I wanted was to catch up to you.

No. You didn't have to catch up to me.

That's it. I was right there, at your side.

That was so frustrating, that you didn't let me in.

And all my achievements and all my joys,

I wanted to share them with you,

to motivate you and make you feel part of them,

never to recriminate you.

I was depressed.

I was angry, I was frustrated,

and I feel that I threw all that shit into our relationship.

-I'm sorry. -But it wasn't always like that.

We had moments when we brought out the best in each other.

Really good ones.

We had many excellent years.

Yes, I know.

I'll take those.

Me too.

Hey...

are you happy with her?

Yes.

I'm so happy.

Hey.

Let's finish that scene.

-Let's. -Let's.

I'll be right there.

-Sure? -Sure.

I entrusted you with a task, and you...

I'm ready.

Yes.

Let's go.

-Let's go. -Okay, people, let's get to it! Let's go now!

Nothing fell down, right? The last minute also has 45 seconds.

What's up, Fabiana? Are you here to collect your prize?

What's wrong with you?

You ruined my interview, it was my only chance.

It was just a joke.

You can't invade another person's privacy this way, get it?

-It was a detail... -It was idiotic,

just like your bets, that's why you can't have a stable relationship.

You think you're so smart, the funniest guy around,

but nobody is laughing at your bullshit!

We're not going to fuck, ever! Is that clear?

If I insulted you, I apologize and promise to leave you alone.

I swear, I didn't mean to screw with you. Okay?

If you don't want me to joke with you, I won't do it again. Sorry.

Good.

Thanks.

Killing time?

Sort of.

I never get home before 9, anyway.

-What do you do? -I'm in finance.

But I don't have an office right now.

Relax, you're not the only unemployed person who comes here to work.

Listen, I'm not unemployed.

Okay? I'm an entrepreneur. I'm trying to open my own firm.

I don't understand why nobody gets that I have a plan.

I have a plan for this, I'm not stupid.

I know exactly what I'm doing!

-And I'm relaxed. -Of course.

GETTING MARRIED FOR DUMMIES

Hi, honey.

Hi.

-How are you? -Fine.

-What are you reading? -Nothing important.

-How was your day? -Great. And yours?

Fine.

-Ariza congratulated me today. -Really?

-Yeah. I closed a transaction on wheat futures. -I'm glad.

And then we ate with the Japanese clients.

-Where'd you go? -The Mexican place they love. Yeah.

Good.

-I'm exhausted, it was a long day. -Of course.

-I'm going to change... -Darling.

-You know you can tell me anything? -Of course.

-That I would never judge you? -Neither would I.

And that I'll always be here?

-Coming to bed? -Yes. I'll be right there.

Okay.

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

What do you think?

Cat?

Dog.

Yeah.

Look.

Why?

So you get to know me better.

Are you serious?

Are you really going to do that?

Well, I've never done this for anyone,

so you can feel special, baby face.

What?

That's so convenient!

That's not fair.

Just because--