All language subtitles for How To Survive Being Single s01e05_English

-Get in!
-No, not me!

-I said, get in!
-No!

Help!

This has to be a mistake, please.

I don't have any money
or anything. Please.

Shut up!

Please! Please!

Cut!

He wasn't believable,
let's do it again.

-From the top.
-Okay.

Untie him for a minute.

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

So are you excited about your wedding?

I'm more concerned
about what it's costing me.

We can still sabotage
Operation "Jaw Berry."

Jaureguiberri. Say it right
or Mafer will get pissed.

I keep forgetting it.

Pretend you like girlie things for 10 minutes.
Don't screw this up.

I won't screw this up!
I'm Team Dafer until the apocalypse.

I just think there are
other wedding planners out there.

No way. Mafer's heart is set on him,
and I'm not going to kill her dream.

I'm giving her that wedding,
whatever the cost.

You're such a warrior.

"Whatever the cost."

SUCCULENT GIRLS
KINKY ALICE

Oh, man.

-Oh, man!
-Hi, guys.

What do you feel like
doing to me today?

I'm...

I'm all wet.

Who wants a private session
with me today?

Me, me. Coming!
Coming! Coming!

The Gonzo.

Gonzo.

Sorry about this, Gonzo.
You'd get it.

Okay, okay, okay.

Thank you...

Big Fish!

You're welcome.

Thanks to you,
this schoolgirl will be able

to go back to school.

Is this what you do to pay
for your schooling, Alice?

Yes.

A good education is the foundation
for a better future, Alice.

What scene was this for?
Because I didn't see it in the script.

No. It's a projection exercise
that Farré likes to do

to awaken your animal instincts.

The blood is so realistic.
Congratulations, the effect is excellent.

It's lamb's blood.

Are you all right?

-I understand the process...
-Good.

...but I would have liked
to know beforehand

so I could prepare.

-Then there's no point, really.
-Right.

Motherfucker!

-Rats, dude!
-Yeah.

-I hate rats!
-Yeah, we knew that.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hi, Sebastián, it's Julieta.

Julieta? How are you?

I'm shitting you, idiot.

Poker night at my place tomorrow.
Are you coming?

-Fuck you, Gonzo!
-Is that a yes?

-See you tomorrow.
-Bye.

Thanks for coming with me, buddy!

It's fine.

I like to study self-oppressive patterns
in Mexican females.

-Study this self-oppressive pattern!
-Okay, sorry.

-I won't fuck it up, I swear.
-Thanks.

I don't know what I'll do
when the book is finally in front of me.

-What book?
-Jaureguiberri's catalog.

It's basically the wedding bible.

Follow his Ten Commandments
or you may as well call off the wedding.

Tell me a commandment.

You can't serve chicken.

-No!
-Really.

They served roasted chicken
at the best wedding I ever attended.

But the smell...

Jaure...

Hi, girls, I'm glad you're here.
I was expecting you.

How beautiful.
You must be María Fernanda.

How beautiful.
You must be María Fernanda Azpe...

Fuentes-Niño.

Are you related to the Fuentes-Niños
from Monterrey?

No.

So follow me.
I have to evaluate your profile.

Evaluate your profile?

Yes, evaluate her profile.

We don't have the luxury
of participating in just any event.

Of course.

Have a seat.
What would you like to drink?

-A brewski.
-No. There's no brewski.

-Two champagnes, please.
-Thank you.

This event is of the utmost importance.

-My boyfriend and I are...
-Excuse me.

This is about the connection I have
with the bride.

I can create only if we are in sync.

Of course. You'll see that I know the book
practically by heart. I know all the...

Just a moment.
This book is only for a few select brides.

-Is that supposed to be a compliment?
-Fabiana, please!

Forgive her, forgive her.

-She knows nothing about wedding planning.
-Coaching.

Why should I choose you
over that insufferable Bertha Salazar?

Because I'm not insufferable?

Do you know why
you aren't insufferable?

-No.
-Because your ideas are stale,

you're not evolving.

I don't think you're ready.
You'll stay in your comfort zone.

-You need to step it up...
-Shut up, you turd.

-Fabiana!
-Sorry, you have to relax, asswipe.

You should be flattered
that she chose you.

Mafer's dreamed of her wedding
ever since she was 5.

For her, a wedding is the celebration
of a lifelong love.

It's intimate, personal,
not some industry or audition,

which is what you're turning it into.

Sorry, sorry. I didn't want to say it,
but it's too late now. I said it.

Finally, someone who understands
the essence of marriage.

María Fernanda Azpe Fuentes-Niño...

are you ready to experience
the best day of your life?

Yes? Together, all the way
to "trash the dress."

What diet are you doing?

Daniel is doing keto, and I'm doing
the Peruvian celery detox and fasting.

-Yes. Okay.
-Add nopal cactus to it.

Okay? Good. My assistant will give you
the quote, okay?

Hans. Give them the quote, please.

Francesca, let's go.

Damn you.

You're an asshole!
But I love you.

I've been a very bad girl lately.

My parents kicked me out of the house,
and I feel so lonely.

Shucks, shucks.

It's funny sometimes how fate
brings two people together

who can get along so well so soon.

I had to move out
of my house too. I get you.

Feeling lonely... is horrible.

-You know something? I think that...
-What?

I deserve...

a spanking.

No! No way, you don't.
Don't even say that.

-I don't?
-No. I'm not that kind of guy.

Believe me.
I follow a completely different road.

Really? Then how do you plan
on punishing me, professor?

Why would I punish you?
I really like you, Alice.

Oh, yes. I'm totally wet
from excitement.

I can't wait until you take me.

All right. I'm kind of...

a little bit wet.

A little drop, perhaps.
Naughty.

You're naughty!

I know this may sound a bit weird, Alice,
because we've never met, but...

I'm going to help you.

Yes, yes, yes.

Let's elope...

and fuck like crazy.

-"Fuck like crazy."
-First you have to make a deposit.

Cry, Sebastián. You have to connect
with your inner child.

What would you tell him
to draw out the inner child?

If I were the director,
I would tell him...

What?

What? Please, tell me.

-Good one! I was thinking about it!
-Good one!

-Let's leave him like that!
-What?

-Welcome! Thank you so much!
-See you!

Director, sir?

-Take him out in an hour.
-Ferré?

How would you react
if I asked Lucía on a date?

What are you talking about, brat?
How old are you?

Easy... First, I've lived
much more than you have.

And I have to tell you something,
good luck with Adán... He is crazy.

San... San-- San!

Get me out of here.

When is this exercise ending?
We've been here four hours.

Adán?

Don't worry. Talk to Daniel,
explain the quote to him.

I can't, he's going to kill me.
He'll kill me.

I'll plan it.
A small, intimate wedding.

-Tiny.
-Look.

Nothing would make me happier
than you not paying that phony.

But you know Daniel,
he'll do everything he can

to give you the wedding
you've always dreamed of.

I don't want it to be
more about the money than about us.

Finally, someone who understands
the essence of marriage.

-Okay, who saved you in there?
-You!

-Who saved you?
-Big time!

For fuck's sake.
Thanks, doc.

What happened to you?

Nothing. I was lying down in the trailer
and a rat bit me.

What?

What do you mean,
a rat bit you?

Adán put rats in my trailer.

You know Adán's methods.

What methods?

The kidnapping?

The rats in my trailer?
The cage, the virgin lamb's blood?

Nobody else?

Really? I'm...

I'm the only one?
He hasn't done that to you?

No.

You think he doesn't like me?

No, he probably demands more from you
because you're the main actor

and he knows you can handle it.

Of course.
Yes, yes, that must be it.

Relax. You're doing a good job.

YOU ARE NOTHING!

I told you, we can't pay for it.
Forget it.

I'll plan it,
I'll design everything,

something small, intimate,
only friends.

-Who needs a tent with vines dropping down...
-Dear.

-...a carpet of roses...
-Dear.

...the choir of schoolboys singing
in French and Swahili?

-It's so pretty.
-We can do it. Okay?

We have some savings,
I'm expecting excellent commissions,

and I'll borrow the rest from my dad.

You've never asked him for money.
You're not going to start now.

This is different, it's a loan.

No...

There will be
a lot of strings attached.

Why go there now?
You've always avoided it.

Let's say that could be
his wedding present to us.

-Seriously?
-Yes.

Make the first payment,
we'll schedule the rest and... have fun.

You're going to be the prettiest bride
in the neighborhood.

Hi, sweetie. How are you?
Can you talk for a second?

Of course I can, captain!

What should I do
to go up to the bridge?

Captain? Wasn't I your professor?
Whatever.

The plan is practically done,
I just need to turn in some papers at the bank,

-but we're practically set.
-What for, dude?

I love you, Spocky.

Alice, this is serious,
for God's sake. Listen to me.

DrSpocky69!
You're so generous today!

Listen.

Alice, who is that idiot DrSpocky69?
Are you talking to somebody else?

There are a lot of other sailors
on this ship, captain.

It really turns me on
when you call me captain.

I know.

Alice, we're off to Cartagena,
just like I promised. You and I!

Oh, no. That's enough.
See you later, captain.

No! What do you mean,
"see you later"?

Don't go, we're talking about
something important for our future!

Hi, son.

Hi, Dad, how'd it go?

Fine. We beat them.

Very good.

So, what's up?

Nothing, I came to tell you
that Mafer and I are engaged.

Really?

How are you paying
for the wedding

on the shit salary you get
from those clowns, the Arizas?

Aren't you going to congratulate me?

Of course, son.
Congratulations.

Thank you.

Did you know that with a bonus from our firm,
you could pay for the wedding,

the honeymoon and even place
a down payment on an apartment?

I came to ask you for a loan,

but I realize you'll throw it
in my face for the rest of my life.

Listen, son.

I'll lend you the money...

just as long as you quit working
for my competition and come work here.

Here we go again, Dad.
The same old story.

I don't know why
it's so hard for you to accept

that you'll have your life settled
working for me.

You wouldn't have to worry
about bullshit.

And I don't know why it's so hard for you
to understand that I don't want to.

I'm not responsible for the legacy
of the Lebrija name.

Why do you insist
on living through me?

Shit, I'm here to share my engagement
and my joy with you, and it doesn't sink in.

Don't worry, Dad.

I'll send you your invitation.

-What's up, honey?
-How'd it go?

-He's excited about the wedding.
-Really?

Okay. So, what did he say,
is he going to help us?

Who's going to have
a Jaureguiberri wedding?

Fuck yeah!
You're the best.

You're incredible, seriously, the best.
Thank you so much.

The best for the best bride.

You're incredible.

I love you. Bye.

Did you check my credit history?

No, fucker. You're sinking in debt,
give me back my cards.

-Mine too, dude.
-Okay, okay.

Sebastián, this is a good time to tell you
that I took 100 pesos this morning.

Come on, man.

Sorry, sorry, man.
I really need to help Alice.

Kinky Alice.

The cam girl you jack off to?
You have some serious problems.

-That's what the credit is for? To jerk off?
-Dudes...

That's not what it's for.
I want to get her out of that lifestyle.

She hates having to put up
with all those sickos every day.

Why can't you see
that all I want

is to give her what her parents
couldn't give her?

Did she ask you to take her out of that
or to pay for her tuition?

No. Not in so many words,
she didn't ask me for that.

But, man,
I know she isn't happy there.

I know her,
she's my girl, dude.

If you pay to see her boobs,
she's not your girl, dude. You're her client.

-Boom!
-Okay.

Did "Jaw Berry" accept you
as clients?

Jaureguiberri, dude.
Say it right, Mafer will get pissed.

-Mafer isn't here.
-But yeah.

The son of a bitch sent us a quote
as if he were doing Luis Miguel's wedding.

I told you, weddings last
eight short hours

and then you regret the expense
for the rest of your boring life,

living in a cardboard box
in a damn suburb.

I get anxious thinking
about your future.

But I'm going to have the best time
at your wedding,

even if it's the stupidest decision.

Let me tell you what a wedding is.

It's not a fancy party where you get bombed
and wear your best clothes.

It's the celebration of two people
who decided to stay together

for the rest of their days.

It's of huge relevance.

They choose to assume
that commitment

in front of all the people
who are important to them.

Do you realize what it is?

It's not a celebration
between two people,

it's a celebration of love, for love.

It's a celebration of life, you idiot.

-No, dude.
-That's not it.

It's just that Mafer has her heart
completely set on Jaureguiberri.

I'm not taking that dream
away from her.

Okay. You can look at it
that way too.

But can you write that down for me
to read at the wedding?

-Right!
-Of course!

Is Mafer bitching again?

What did we say about calls?

No, it's from the office.
I have to go back.

-You're shitting us!
-Come on, dude!

-Yes, whatever I can get.
-This is our poker night, you can't go.

I need all the overtime to pay for it.

See what I mean?
Weddings destroy friendships. Damn traitor!

ARIZA STOCK EXCHANGE GROUP

Ariadna, what's so important?

The investors from Monterrey
will be here early tomorrow

and Billy isn't answering his phone.

-What do we have to do?
-We have to polish up the presentations

and add the five-year projection.

Fine. I'll take care of it.

-Thanks a lot, Daniel.
-You're welcome.

Call me if you need me for anything.

Don't worry, no problem.

-Thanks.
-So long, Dan.

-Thanks. Bye.
-Likewise, bye.

-Hi, honey. Is everything okay?
-Hi, sweetie.

Fine, but I'll have to stay
at the office all night.

Hey, I just made a considerable donation,
it's nothing huge,

but I can promise to donate
that amount every month

until you have enough money
to get out of this line of work.

I told you I'd give you
what your parents couldn't.

My parents?

Let's see.
What are you talking about?

When we met, you said
that you were sad and depressed

because your parents kicked you out
and you had to quit school.

So I said I'd help.
That's what I'm doing now.

-That was just role-playing, idiot.
-What?

Role-playing.

I played along,
which is what I do with all my clients.

-Maybe I haven't made myself clear.
-I do this out of choice. Okay?

I studied marketing and acting,
I got a boob job,

all so that I could create my own brand
and be my own boss.

I make 50 times
more than what you donated, don't fret.

What are you saying, Alice?

I feel like I don't know you, Alice.
Come on.

I bought two tickets to Cartagena.
What do you mean? I'm broke.

Alice!

You can't do this to me.
I'm deeply in love with you.

I'm doing this to help, come on!

You're the one who needs help here.
Find a fucking psychiatrist.

KINKY ALICE
OFFLINE

What a crazy guy.

Fifty times?

That's a lot of dough, fuck.

Daniel! Did you stay all night?

Yeah.

-The investors are coming.
-Is Billy here? He never answered his phone.

It was Dealer Wednesday,
he must be strung up.

The presentation is ready,
and we'll close the deal today.

-Sorry, but you look terrible.
-Thanks a lot.

I keep an extra suit for Billy
for emergencies.

-Come, you can wear it.
-Sure thing.

Time is a mirage.
Space is nothing.

The vortex is
the root of acceleration...

Cut. Try it again, from there.

Yes, sir.

Any observations, maestro?

You're right there,
you tell me.

Time is...

Motherfucker! Cut, please!
Shit, this guy just doesn't get it!

Get him a cup of coffee or something!

Motherfucker! Cut, please.
He can't do it. Get him a cup of coffee.

More overtime,
thanks to Sebastián.

What's wrong?

I don't get it.

I tried every version
I could think of.

Withdrawn, sad, solemn, agitated,
and Christian Bale.

I don't know,
do something different. That's all.

Take the time to record some ADRs
while I talk to the maestro.

Let's go to the trailer,
it'll be quieter.

Who should I give these to?

Who should I give these to?

Weapons!
Who should I give these to?

One, two, three.
Talk to me.

One, two, one, two.
Hello, hello.

One, two. One, two.
I'm a jackass.

One, two. I'm a disappointment,
nobody likes me.

I don't know
why I'm in this movie.

It's just a job, Sebastián.

This is my first important project
in several years, and...

-Louder
-...with a good director.

-Okay.
-We've done 44 takes

and he hasn't said a word.

Don't whisper.

-He hates me.
-Okay. He doesn't hate you.

The whole crew hates me.

Not everybody is watching
what you do or don't do, come on.

Everyone has their own problems.
I'm a sound technician, I hear everything.

Really? Like what?

Android 2 has diarrhea.

He's shitting in my ear.

Man! Oh, no,
it sounds like a river!

-Here. Don't listen to those things.
-Heavens.

-Enough, enough. Let's get to work.
-Yes.

Okay.

Here we go.

-Can I tell you something?
-Sure.

But you can't tell anybody.

Okay.

-Between me and you.
-Me and you.

Farré, the famous Farré,

made me put microphones
all over the set.

In the kitchen.

-The hallways, bathrooms.
-Is this for real?

-Yes.
-Why?

He wants to know
people's opinion of his movie.

Are you serious?

He's a lot more insecure than you.

But a lot more insecure!

When I say insecure...

He can't be more insecure than me.
There's no way.

Let's see if I'm in luck.

Two seconds.

Here it is.

Yeah.

It's all yours.

Welcome to Adán Farré's podcast
with Adán Farré and today's guest,

the many-times-awarded director
Adán Farré.

Tell us, Adán,
do you consider yourself a genius?

No. Tarkovsky was a genius.

You're not far from him, Adán.

I do what I can, that's all.

What would you say
to your critics, Farré?

I'd tell them
that I don't read their reviews.

-No way.
-That's the real Farré.

-Really?
-Really.

Okay, we're going to continue, silence.

Let's do this, let's do this.
This is the good one.

Yeah.

-How are you doing, sound?
-Ready, sir.

Sebastián, tell them all to fuck off.

Come on. Ready.

Come on, audio ready.

Scene 89, take 46, set... action.

You don't say "action"!

Sorry.

Action.

Time is a mirage,
space is nothing.

The vortex is the root
of Tetra-11's acceleration.

We made an inverted temporal turn,
which doesn't make sense

because the kinetic well
should be liquid.

Let's rescue Gala and Magneta
because this is a trap.

Genius!

Okay.

Well, thanks, everybody,

and sorry that I took so long
to get it right, but I did.

Maestro Farré, thank you.

Nobody has ever called me
a genius before.

How did you get there?

After all those takes,
who got you there?

Who's the genius?

Very good.

Who's the fucking genius?

-Genius.
-Genius.

-Genius, genius!
-Genius!

Genius!

-Genius!
-Genius!

Okay, everybody,
it's a wrap. It's a wrap.

Remember, our director wants us
to come in dressed in purple tomorrow.

We don't get it, we're mere mortals,
but he knows why he wants it.

It's a wrap, everybody!

How did the chick
with the giant boobs go?

Ginger Boy!

-Thank you.
-So long. Thanks for coming.

Thank you so much.

-See you. It was a pleasure.
-Thank you, goodbye.

Well done, Daniel.
I'm going to tell Mr. Ariza.

-It must have been the suit.
-Perhaps it was the suit.

-The investors from Monterrey?
-Yes.

-We have a meeting with them.
-We had it.

They went away happy.
They're sending us the signed contracts.

It's a done deal.

Why the fuck did you have
the meeting without me?

-Why did you do that, Danny Boy?
-That's so uncool, Danny Boy.

You broke the pussy broker code.

Billy, I called you all night,
we had to do something.

-Ari Girl, please bring me my emergency suit.
-Billy, the thing is...

I stayed here overnight.

-I thought it would be best...
-I didn't have clean clothes here.

...to lend him your suit.

You stole my meeting with them
and my custom suit,

which is like Ray Liotta's suit
in Goodfellas.

-That suit is so cool.
-Word.

You were my boy.

You were my boy!

Roleplay, I'm a rocker.
Roleplay, I'm a rocker. Yeah, I'm a rocker.

I have a band.
Yeah, I have a band.

I'm a rocker.

Wow, sure thing.
A private room.

Fish, you're selling
like hot tamales.

Sure, let's do this.

You wanna see my band?
You wanna see my band?

Shit, no!

Fuck, this job is hard!

Really, wow.

Oh, what the hell?

Hello?

What's up, Sebastián?
This is Julieta, from the flyer.

Sure! Fuck you, Gonzo.

-What?
-Stop calling me.

Sebastián, can you hear me?

What the hell?