Original subtitles

PRODUCTION STORYBOARDS

Her eyes were like two stars.

And her lips?

Crimson.

And what was her hair like?

Oh, it smelled like natural spring water.

Wait a minute. Are we doing a portrait or composing a love song?

Hey! There's no reason to be hostile, brother.

The guy's in love.

Okay, okay.

Big, almond-shaped eyes.

Her face was oval with very high cheekbones.

-Thin lips. -Okay.

Her hair was wavy, shoulder length, and she had pink highlights.

Okay.

Here it goes.

Ready.

Ready.

Let me see.

Yes?

-How is it? -Perfect.

-She's pretty. -Beautiful.

-Is she really like that? -Even better, but you did a good job.

-What's next? -We have to distribute our cell number.

-All over the city? -All over the city. Perfect.

Yes, it's perfect.

Hi. What's up, Sebas?

Let's rehearse our lines?

Sebas?

Really?

Wait... Really?

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

Screw you!

Those months we spent in Barcelona were the best!

Shit, the pussy we had at the cathedral!

-We fucked like lunatics. -Like dogs!

So why did you want to see me?

Love Ride.

One day, when I was totally wasted, I ordered a ride share.

When it got there, there was this chick in the car.

She was delicious.

And you fucked her!

No.

But I thought,

why don't we mix ride sharing with Tinder

and you have a date by the end of your ride.

Why didn't you fuck her, man?

She asked for a ride share. On purpose.

Come on, man, that's gross.

Shit, if she's hot, you fuck her anyway.

As I was saying,

Love Ride matches you with a chick with similar likes...

-Okay. -...and a destination close to yours.

All my money is wrapped up in a trust fund.

It's not easy to access. Plus, I'd have to try the app.

What are you doing, dude?

I'll give you a blow job to convince you.

Fuck off, man!

I caught you!

You really fell for it!

Sometimes I dream that I kill my dad.

I go into his office, I strangle him.

I tie him up and leave him in his chair for three days

until the janitor finds him because the corpse smells putrid.

Is that wrong?

Dreams aren't wrong or right, but they send messages.

What's the message?

I feel like a pawn on a chess board

that only he can control?

We've talked about your complexes with authority figures.

I don't want to end up like Billy,

the boss's loser son, sucking up to him all day...

I'm here!

If I'd known you were wearing that, I'd come to therapy more often.

Psychologists are really doctors?

I mean your "see-through."

It's cool. Isn't it?

You pig! He was looking at you.

I saw the way he was looking at you. What a pig.

I need you to change the colors in the graphics.

Billy, didn't I tell you not to barge in when I'm in a session?

I think it's that time of the month.

I'm curious. Is your misogyny unconscious or pathologic?

-Do you understand her? -Pathologic.

Well, I'll leave you to your "crying circle,"

but first, come here.

Show me the money.

Say it.

-Show me... -Show me the money.

...the money.

Money, money, money

Money

Show me the fucking money!

See ya, bitches!

Fuck, Daniel. Fist bumping, pecks on your cheek, dude?

Grow a pair! You can't let him manipulate you like that.

Set some limits!

Hello? Hi, dear.

I'm with Fabiana, I'll put you on speaker.

No, don't put me on speaker!

Make a worried face and walk out.

Is everything all right?

What is it, are you all right?

Lourdes invited us to her baby shower, but Fabiana can't know,

or she'll ruin everything with her sarcastic remarks.

What baby shower?

Baby showers are for gays, Danny Boy.

The point is for you to meet my friends' husbands.

Only couples. It'll be cool.

Don't tell anyone because they'll spill the beans.

And frankly, in my opinion,

I don't think we have to include them in all our plans.

As if you didn't know them.

Remember that weekend at Valle with my cousin and her boyfriend?

Our friends are so jealous.

Tomorrow we're doing our first scene and he won't even look at me.

Hey...

we agreed you'd give him space.

You did the opposite.

You forced yourself into his film.

I didn't force myself. Adán called me.

You could have said no.

Maybe, but this was the only way I could make sure

that Sebastián would stop suffering.

-Exactly, that's it. -What? What?

-Of course! -What's so wrong about helping

make his movie a success?

He doesn't need your help, you don't need to save him.

You just want to stop feeling guilty.

Shit, I'm going crazy. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

I keep screwing up.

I'm the villain in the movie. Kill me.

You kind of are the villain in the movie, but you're skinny, so you're fine.

What you have to do is think about why you're doing what you're doing.

-Understand yourself, go to therapy. -Really?

Meditation, yoga, temazcals. Whatever you like.

But get out of his project, man.

I have to give him his space.

Exactly, yes.

-Take it down several notches. -Right.

But I can't, I signed the contract.

That's really serious, I could get sued.

We behave like humans, but we don't feel...

Sebastián!

Guess who covered the whole Condesa neighborhood in flyers?

I climbed up to this really high building and threw all the flyers into the wind.

The park is covered in this broad's face.

-Thanks, man. -You're welcome, dude.

Sorry, I'm busy memorizing tomorrow's scene.

It's the first with Adán Farré and Lucía. I'm nervous.

Why? Don't you know who you are?

-I'm... -Sebastián Ybarra.

Who is Sebastián Ybarra? The best actor in the country.

Guillermo del Toro is shit next to you.

He's a director, but I get it. Thanks.

You probably direct better than that guy.

-I'll rehearse with you. -Really? Aren't you tired?

No way, no way.

The park cleaners are gonna be tired.

Can you give me some context, so I know how to say my lines, an accent?

If it's a woman, I can do it like this.

-No. -No accent?

No accents. They're androids, what type of androids?

-Good, evil, invaders? -Well, look...

-Unknown number. -It's her, it's her! It's her!

Put her on speaker! Come on, come on.

-Hello? -Sebastián, it's me. Julieta.

-I knew it, fucker! -Stop.

Sorry.

Relax, relax, relax.

Hi, Julieta, how are you? This is Sebastián.

But you know that already because you called me.

Sorry about putting up flyers all over the place...

Don't apologize.

-Will you shut up? -Sorry.

I didn't know how to find you, and after that day,

I felt like we shared a special moment.

You're pretty, let's go out.

-Shut up, you're distracting me. -Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Would you like to go out with me?

Shit! You fucking psycho. You're sick, man.

Gonzo?

Why don't you print her photo on milk cartons and ask them to tweet it?

You're an asshole.

This is bullshit, fucker. It's bullshit!

You don't know what we're going through! You and your stupid jokes!

You've been out with one woman since Lucía,

and you're obsessed with the first one who turned your way.

You should be swiping on Tinder until your finger falls off.

I’ll find her.

It's like when you fell for that girl from karate.

It was my first blow job, she was special.

And then she gave you the biggest beating of your life.

Sebastián, do yourself a favor, download Love Ride.

It's a new app I may be investing in.

It would help you get laid, and it would help me to get your opinion.

We'll talk later, bye.

Think about-- Idiot.

We're ready, Lucía.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Let's do this. Okay.

This is the Save the Date.

-It came out awesome! -Thanks a lot.

Honey, I need some wine

before I give myself a C-section.

-No, honey. It's so expensive. -I drink when I'm nursing.

-Nobody can talk about nursing without me. -Yeah, yeah.

Mars just got her certification as a lactation coach.

Don't tell me that my nipples are going to shrivel up.

Don't worry about your nipples, worry about your cervix,

which ends up destroyed.

But Mafer and Daniel are getting married!

-Congratulations! -Congratulations.

That's great news!

How are the preparations coming along?

The date, the venue, the caterers?

-We just got engaged, so... -Yeah.

What? You haven't prepared anything yet?

Well, in the spring sounds good right now.

It'll probably change. I don't know.

Why don't we make ourselves comfortable in the living room?

Let's have some wine because...

You don't know what's coming.

-Are we doing something wrong? -I have no idea.

It took us two years to plan everything.

Let's see. Where do we start? We take two years...

the catering service

Some are vegans, others don't eat fish.

Contact Jaureguiberri's photographer.

We thought that our friend Gonzo could take our photos. He's great.

No, no, no.

Use ours.

Why don't you come over on Saturday?

We can have wine and cheese, and you can recommend your suppliers.

We can't. We're watching the game with Sebas and the gang.

Of course we can. On Saturday.

-Yeah. All right? -Yes, sure!

They probably know we're here.

I was an idiot for following your plan.

I was an idiot for following your plan.

Gala.

Gala.

Gala.

-Gala. -Guess what? This wasn't my plan either.

You think I wanted this to happen?

There's no time to lose! The villagers are waiting for us.

Keep running, keep running.

Fine, fine. I cheated on you and got Martha Higareda fired.

That data isn't in my system.

We devoted 10 years to each other, I won't let you hate me like this.

What do you expect?

That sabotaging my sole opportunity will make me hate you less?

What do you want from me?

For you to admit that you bear some responsibility too.

-Sorry, sorry. -Yeah. No--

You were scared to take risks in your career,

our relationship, life in general, and wanted me to do that too.

It became harder and harder not to trip over you with every step I took.

-I didn't force you into anything! -I know you didn't force me.

But your love came with some impossible conditions.

You don't want a life partner.

You want someone who justifies your excuses and your fears,

and I'm not that person.

We need a new heart for Sebastián.

Let's hear it for Lucía, the martyr.

Cut! Great!

That was great.

But...

Great. Did you feel that?

-Yeah, but... -Don't say anything.

That's it.

Breast pumps turn you into a little connected cow. It's great.

I'll get it.

-That baby is going to destroy her. -Yeah?

It's Cecilio, the psychic!

Hello. How are you all? Good afternoon.

-He's really famous. -He's on TV.

He can read your ovaries and tell you how many children you're going to have.

Did she really hire him? He's "Nostra-Ovaries."

What is this? Cecilio Ruiz is here.

Concentrate. Ladies, miss, please.

Allow me to see your fertility.

-Your ovaries... -He should read my balls at his prices.

Breathe. I need the energy to be stronger.

What is that?

I can see it. Please.

That's strong.

Excuse me, may I check you? May I see your ovaries?

Show me.

Come on, ovaries, smile for me.

Heavens! There's a child in there!

What? Now?

Soon, girl.

I can feel the seed swimming inside of you. What is that?

Is the father here?

It's the guy with the mustache.

Isn't it him?

Shit, you were keeping a secret.

You are pure maternal life-energy.

And me?

More fiber and less stress, okay?

She's selfish, she's got lots of projects.

-Why did she have to butt into my movie? -That's what I told her.

What? You still talk to her?

No.

We had a coffee. We didn't talk. Yes, we did.

I talk to her, so what?

You should stand by me,

not go and drink a chai latte with the woman who's destroying my life.

I am standing by you.

Wasn't I there when you had premature ejaculation,

when you binged and then had bulimia?

-When you were scared of Ronald McDonald? -What did I say?

-I haven't told anyone. -Yes, you've been there for me.

You have no idea what they say about her online.

She asked for it. Have you seen what they say about me?

-No. -Me neither. You haven't seen anything?

-No. Not on social media or anything. -Nothing?

Shit, I have to fire my publicist.

Yeah, you should.

If you're going to fuck some guy, you don't do it on a balcony,

you do it indoors!

Fine, let's make a bonfire downtown and burn the damn witch.

I can create a Facebook event for the bonfire if you want.

Fucker.

Hey, hey, hey.

You keep asking the wrong friends for advice, Sebastián.

Really, you should download Love Ride.

I've had two penicillin shots in the past 24 hours.

I feel like my dick's falling off after fucking so much.

Bro, apps aren't my thing.

-I feel like nothing's real. -Exactly.

Because your girlfriend on a flyer is real?

We’ll find her.

You're hiding in the fantasy of Julieta

to evade reality, your troubles, to evade being alone.

Hey, you two buzzards. Leave the guy alone.

Sebastián is a romantic, which are going extinct.

By the way, this bunch is for the state of Tlaxcala.

I think it's too many.

Divide them. I don't think anyone lives in Tlaxcala.

Where are Mafer and Daniel? I'm starving.

-Your ovaries, love. -Super powerful.

Hey. Have you ever considered swinging?

Have we ever considered swinging, Mafer?

No, Daniel.

No, Mars.

It was a joke.

They're not coming, they were going to Mafer's great aunt's party, right?

No, they were going to a concert.

They told me they were taking tango lessons for the wedding.

-It's like a rural-chic style. -That's perfect.

By the way, I told the gang that we have your niece's christening on Saturday.

What?

-Why didn't you tell me, Daniel? -What's wrong?

I told Fabiana we were running at the dirt track.

-That's right. -Excuse board. Concentrate.

On Saturday we're "shopping for a couch"

while you're trying on your civil wedding dress with Mars.

On Sunday while you're waxing with Lourdes, "we'll be putting together the gift list."

Okay.

-Okay. -Okay.

"...are ephemeral and substantial."

Hello?

No, I don't want to change my data plan. Thanks.

I said, no!

Okay...

"Our feelings can't be compared..."

Hey!

Are you rehearsing your lines? Okay.

Actor's life.

"Our feelings can't be compared..."

"Our feelings..."

Sebas, I understand you won't talk to me after what happened.

After what I did.

There won't be another scene like the other day.

Cut it out, Lucía, please.

You're such a drama queen, I can't believe it.

Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Wait.

That's it.

-Call the paramedics. -Breathe, breathe.

-Are you all right? -I'm fine.

Relax, relax.

Call them over.

It's okay now.

Don't screw around, you frightened me.

Dude, are we good?

We are obviously not good, Lucía.

But... we can try to be professional.

Okay.

-Professional. -Professional.

-Is the air freshener in the bathroom? -Done.

The towel? Did you leave any weird magazines?

-I even got the lavender candles you love. -Okay.

-What else? -Nothing, everything's ready.

Nothing, right? Daniel, the cushions.

They're here! They're here.

-Okay. Calm down. -You're fine. Okay.

-You're the best host in the world. -Thanks. You too.

-How's it going...? -I told her we could be professional.

It's great that you called a truce.

No. Sorry, but I don't think that you should forgive her.

You know where you don't have to call truces?

-Where? -On Love Ride.

Gonzo, stop pitching me your app, I'm not interested.

-I'm gonna find Julieta. -Brother, you should download Love Ride.

-You too? -Maybe fate doesn't want what you want.

-She hasn't called. Bye. -Your obsession with that girl worries me.

Pass me a beer?

You don't even know her, and you're setting all your expectations on her.

So what? I felt a special connection with her.

I'm known to be a romantic, right?

-You're shitting me. -Really. Even I know when to give up.

Fish, you don't know when to give up. You've never known.

Mafer and Daniel, come on. The game's about to start.

No, you can't stay!

-Why not? -What do you mean?

-You just can't. -Why not?

Because...

-There's lice. -Lice?

It's full of them, all over the cushions.

That's where the nest is.

Yeah, no wonder I was itchy.

Are they Thai lice or pre-Hispanic?

Mafer bought some clothes on the Internet and didn't wash them.

-Thai lice. Those are the worst. -Yeah.

Why are you dressed the same, dick weeds?

-Are you going to a christening? -This color drives them off.

-They're scared. -It's like the jungle.

Why is there so much food out?

To save it from the fridge.

We took it out because there were lice in the fridge.

-The lice got into the fridge? -Absolutely.

They have to eat, dude.

The game's about to start, let's go to my place.

-Let's? -Yeah, sure.

Let's take the food so it doesn't go to waste.

-Yeah, take it. -Okay.

Give me my sweater, you rat.

I don't think Julieta even lives in the city.

Sure she does.

She was driving a Vespa. How far can she go on a Vespa?

-By the way... -What?

-Good luck with your guests. -What guests?

The lice.

Lice! Really?

Do they think we're stupid or what?

How many more times will they betray me this year?

It's obvious they were expecting someone else.

No. We're their only friends.

Although Daniel had never given us liverwurst.

Fuck, yeah!

-Shit, man. Shit. -Hey, Fish! Unknown number.

It must be her.

Really?

Hello?

No, sir, I don't know anybody by the name of Jenny.

Hang up, please. Thanks, bye.

This is worse than when they missed my name day.

-Nobody celebrates those anymore. -I do.

Are you okay?

No. You guys are right.

You know? Julieta's never gonna call.

Love Ride, idiot.

Yeah, fuck it.

In your case, fucking a stranger through an app isn't so bad.

It's like eating fast food.

You won't be hungry anymore,

but you'll feel like shit and swear you'll never do it again,

but you'll do it over and over.

Some couples have gotten married, thanks to Tinder.

That's a myth, Fish. Apps are to fuck, that's why they're cool.

Good play! Good, good!

Okay. Okay.

Take it easy, man.

-I'll download Love Ride. -Fuck, yeah!

I'm going to fuck a stranger!

Fuck, yeah!

Good. Excellent, dude.

That's great, but wear a condom, dude.

-Okay. -Papilloma is the new AIDS.

-Yeah. -It's everywhere.

Do I have any venereal diseases?

-Sebastián Ybarra. -That username already exists.

Sebastián Ybarra Actor.

That username already exists.

Sebastián Ybarra Actor official_01.

Accepted. Do you like men?

Women.

-Do you like men? -Fine, whatever.

Accepted.

No, I don't want to exchange dollars. Yes, yes.

Enough, please!

Eight inches.

Would you like to take the Love Ride courtesy trip?

Fucking shit, whatever! Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes to everything. There.

Hi. I'm Sebastián.

Hi, I'm Sebastián.

Bonne nuit! Je suis Sebastian.

Nah. Hi, I'm Sebastián... Shut up and sit down, man.

Hi. I'm Sebastián.

Hi. I'm Karina.

-Hi. Two kisses. -Yes.

I felt like I'm in Italy.

Sorry, I really don't know how this app works. It's my first time.

-It's your first time? -Yes, isn't it yours?

I've used it... several times.

Are you okay?

Your face looks very familiar.

Maybe because I'm an actor.

-An actor? -Is that wrong?

No, no, no, not at all.

I've just never understood how you can turn into somebody else.

Well, you have to find your character's vulnerability

that can imitate the real...

I'm really boring you, aren't I?

No! No, no, no. No way.

-Okay. -Can you cry?

-You wanna see? -Maybe.

I told you they were going to hang out with their other friends.

Since when do these fuckers listen to jazz?

Since when do they laugh out loud?

Since when do friends lie to each other?

I can't believe it! I'd never seen anyone so excited about eating a hamburger.

You would get excited too if you lived with a damn organic vegan for 10 years

who didn't let you eat these things.

Oh, no, how lame!

I don't want that kind of negativity in my life. Thank you.

You are so right.

Holy shit, it melts in your mouth!

No.

I mean, who the fuck serves chicken?

How's married life?

Mars! I can't get over how good you looked at your wedding.

I can't get over how beautiful you looked at yours.

No, you. You!

I won't get over how good you'll look at ours.

Hold on. It must be the wine.

You drink Napa's wines.

What I said about swinging,

-it was a joke, obviously. -Obviously. Don't worry.

-It's so funny, don't worry. -Yeah.

Shit!

Daniel, Mafer. What's going on here?

-Nothing. Nothing. -Nothing.

So these were your lice.

-Excuse me? -You're a damn liar, Daniel.

Can't we have other friends?

You can have other friends, but why do you have to hide us?

-Do we embarrass you? -Of course not.

We didn't think you'd hit it off.

Your interests are different from theirs, who are couples.

Because we don't have partners, they discriminate against us.

-No wonder they needed new friends. -Losers.

-Do you really hang out with these...? -Adultescents?

Yeah, you're a total adultescent.

Who's the kid in sweats?

This is a joke, right?

You called because they're your dealers and they brought some pot.

I know who she is, I know! She's "Fabiana the floozy."

-That's right. -Stop making fun of her, man.

They called me floozy because I had the best time in high school.

I wasn't frigid like them, and I didn't get knocked up.

-I'm married. -Same thing.

Fish, Fabiana, let's get the fuck out of here.

You know what? You can't talk to our friends like that.

They may be single and weird, but they're our friends.

-Thanks. -The Hello! magazine cover has to go.

-Are you serious? -Plastics out.

-Let's go. -Of course we're leaving.

We should've gone to my house in Valle.

They're all tired and can't stand anything

The old ones have already left

That chick was chubby in high school and hated everyone, right?

This city does have a certain magic, doesn't it?

You can breathe the...

peace.

At least the view is nice.

Yeah.

I think we'd better go. Come on, Juan, step on it, please.

Let's get out of here before this gets out of hand.

-Sorry they called you that, Fabi. -I don't mind, I missed it.

Are my sweats that bad? I have some trousers.

Sweats are the trousers of the 21st century.

-I brought some pot. -May I smoke tonight, Mafer?

Sure, go ahead.

That's it, we won't invite them over again. End of experiment.

The pregnant chick was cute.

She's pregnant.

Okay?

-That was fun. -It was incredible.

Well, this is where I get off.

What? You mean the trip is over?

We were just getting to know each other.

-Did you enjoy the ride? -A lot.

A lot. I'd love to go out with you again.

Follow us on our social media and recommend us to your friends.

What?

Your courtesy ride has ended.

What? What courtesy ride? Wait, why are you talking that way?

Use hashtag "Love Ride" and hashtag "love is your destination"

and get 20 percent off your next ride.

Love Ride

None of this was real?

Man, the girl in the car was from Public Relations.

What? You didn't fuck her?

I did the girl on my courtesy ride. And eight other women too.

Dude, it's going to be easier to find Julieta

than finding a worthwhile chick on one of these apps.

You'll get used to being single. We're at Daniel's, wanna come over?

No.

I'm busy.

Bye.

Son of a bitch.

Do you know her?

Sure.

I know where she lives.

Really? Are you serious?

Can you tell me where?

Yeah, sure. Let me...

This is all I have.

I told you not to steal people's money!

-It's a bad idea! -Yeah, okay.

I told you not to!

Julieta!

Julieta!

Julieta!