All language subtitles for Cockpit.2012.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

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Hey, stop!

- Stop!
- Hey, wait up!

- We just want to talk to you!
- Hey, wait up!

Hey! Asshole...

Wait up! Hey, stop!

- He ran this way.
- There he is!

- There he is, there he is!
- We just want to talk to you.

We've been waiting for a comment!

Open up! We just want to talk.

Those are journalists.

It could just as well have been
my boss. Or Cecilia...

My name is valle Andersson.
I just wanted a job.

It all began last spring.

I was a pilot for a fairly large
and well-reputed airline.

This is your captain,
valle Andersson, speaking.

We're at roughly 26,000 feet up
in the air, about to pass norrkoping.

We may experience
some turbulence ahead,

in which case I'll ask you
to fasten your seat belts.

I had a nice home in suburban
Stockholm, drove a new passat...

I made a good living,
which was necessary

given my wife Caroline's
exclusive decorating tastes.

Our son Linus
was about to turn eleven.

He's blind since birth.
Linus likes soccer and Harry Potter.

Like most kids,
he's trying to figure the world out.

Daddy? Which came first,
the chicken or the rooster?

Tell me! Which came first,
the chicken or the rooster?

- I don't know. What do you think?
- Where do you grow eggs?

We were a family. We had
a flat screen TV and a treadmill.

We had geothermal heating,
neighbors and a flexible mortgage.

I worked hard and Caroline
had come a long way-

- from her alcoholic mother
in ludvika.

Linus admired me,
because I was a pilot.

For Linus,
having a father who was a pilot,

was like winning a lottery prize
of 300 pounds of candy.

Life was sunny, and I had the life
I'd fought for all of my adulthood.

Like the smart little pig
I'd built my house out of bricks.

The wolf would never get to us.

- How long have you known?
- Will you sit down?

There's nothing to worry about.
I've got seniority at that place.

- And I'm very well liked.
- Downsizing is about cutting costs.

- They won't let me go.
- How do you know?

Please, can't you just sit down?

Honey... I promise you,
they won't have to let me go.

- We're going to have to let you go.
- Huh?

Who the hell's she, christer?
You got a downsizer?

Naturally, you'll receive
a severance package.

Come on, christer.
I've been here ten years.

And we really appreciate
your services.

If you could just sign right there...

Thank you.

If I could just have the pen back...

What are we going to do now?
Live on my salary?

That's a great plan.
We'll work it out.

- How exactly will we work it out?
- I'll get another job.

- One of all the vacant pilot jobs?
- So I'll do something else.

You think I want to be married
to some bus driver?

Okay, guys. Time for cake.

Let's not tell Linus I got fired.

- He's so proud of...
- I want to get a divorce.

In hindsight, I can see
it was a long time coming.

I guess losing my job
was just the last straw.

So we got a divorce.
Sold our house for no profit.

I couldn't get a mortgage
because I was unemployed.

Caroline took Linus
and moved in with her sister.

And I had to move in
with my sister, Maria.

Everyone is focusing on the biology,
which is such a shame.

These norms are actually
a social construct.

Right, and these norms
aren't natural.

But when I say gender is
a social construct, I really mean it.

I really mean
all penetration is rape.

Because you haven't had
sex in two years.

This isn't just my sister's home.

It also houses the feminist
action group Judith.

The action group Judith does it all.

Theater, happenings,
self-defense courses, debates.

My sister is a founder and driving
force, and now also a writer.

- Or so she says...
- Valle!

Come here, valle!
Did you shave your beard off?

- Yeah, I thought...
- Come over and stand here.

So put one hand here, the other
one there. And push down a little.

Go ahead,
whenever you feel threatened.

- Hello.
- No! I don't want to!

That was great.
You want to follow through.

You came in at a great angle,
but you want to go even higher.

Really tight abs, and just...

It's so obvious that he dies.
Such typical bourgeois bullshit.

What? Are you stupid or something?

Hi, there. I'm valle,
I'm Maria's brother.

- Right. You're the pilot.
- That's right.

- What's that like?
- It's all right.

- Make you feel like a man?
- I don't know about that.

What's it like to poison
the air we breathe?

- What's it like to rape mother earth?
- Do you fly yourself?

"Do you fly yourself?" Albin...

- I don't fly routinely, like you.
- Right, that's what I thought.

Hey, I'm sorry.
Let's start over. Clean slate.

I'm albin. Valle.

What's it like to be a pilot?

- Make you feel like a man?
- You need to cut it out.

- L1 need to cut it out?
- Yes. This is my childhood home.

- So I should follow your rules?
- I didn't say that.

Our little drunken dispute
needs to be solved your way.

I really want nothing to do with you.

Let's do it your way, you big manly
man. Let me put down my glass.

Fuck!

Everything is
a pissing contest with you.

He hit me!
It was completely unprovoked.

I know albin can be a pain,
but that's real mature of you.

- Says she with mom's apartment.
- I've redecorated.

Yeah, right...

So what's your book about?

Cut it out! It's a fable
about genital mutilation.

The duck pond
as a metaphor for the world.

- So, circumcised ducks?
- It's not meant to be funny.

No, right.
It does sound unbelievably boring.

- Can you lend me 8,640 kronor?
- You mean for rent?

Are you saying
you're getting evicted?

You can always ask mommy. Right?

Son of a bitch...

You can't live in your old room -
that's a full regression.

Maria hasn't even moved out yet.
You moved out from her.

- She has redecorated.
- She has not.

Besides, she's essentially
more mature than you,

even though she insists on divorcing
femininity from the female body.

Maria has called me
a heteronormative witch.

I really want to cut off
the patriarchy's dick.

But with a woman's knife.
I believe women exist - she doesn't.

I want to ask you a favor...
You look different.

I shaved off my beard.
And got punched in the face.

- You had a beard?
- For fifteen years, mom.

I don't have any money right now,
and I do need a place to live.

If you lend me some money, I'll
pay it off as soon as I get a job.

- When will you grow up?
- Right. Forget it.

Always the man
who suffers in silence with you.

- Just forget about it.
- You're getting divorced, fired...

- Are you a psychopath?
- How should I react?

You need to cry. Stop thinking
it's to do with men or women.

- I've literally never thought that.
- Maybe you should.

- You just said I shouldn't.
- Exactly. So give it a try.

Mustafa can.
Stefan einhorn, for crying out loud.

What would they have done? I'm
just saying there are role models.

Rakell

hi. Valle.

Rakel is my new life partner.
We're getting married.

- Say what?
- Aren't you going to ask how we met?

On Capri. Villa San Michele.

You need to get that fixed.

- I'm losing my appetite.
- We can't have that.

Mom wasn't the only one
taking a chance on love.

Two days later, Caroline told me
she'd met a new man.

- Gunnar melander.
- Hi. I'm valle.

Quiet, Magnus!

Where are you living?
With Maria.

- But I'm getting my own place.
- Seems appropriate.

- Maybe a job?
- Maybe.

- Hi, Linus!
- Hi, daddy!

- What plane did you pilot today?
- An airbus.

Have him back by seven.

- What are we doing today?
- I don't know.

As a pilot,
the job market is pretty limited.

There are few airlines, and they're
all fighting for their lives.

A nice-looking resume and the
likability factor were all I had.

I called every single company
with any kind of air traffic.

Substitute teaching
at flight schools.

I applied for co-pilot,
even for flight attendant.

The only answer I ever got was
"thank you, but no thank you."

So when I crossed off the last name
on the list, a dodgy charter airline

with a safety record on a par
with Angola's domestic air traffic,

I thought I'd hit rock bottom.

Fuck!

Quiet...
You'll wake up the neighbors.

- How old are you?
- I'm twenty-two.

- How old are you?
- Thirty-seven.

Fuck me harder, you dirty old man.

Harder!

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi! Nice place you've got here.
- Didn't we say 4 P.M.?

Yes. I'm a little early,
so I thought... is Linus here?

- Not 3.30.
- I was in the neighborhood.

- It's only 30 minutes.
- What's going on?

This does not work.
4 P.M. means 4 P.M.

- Fine. I'll leave.
- A deal is a deal.

Yes, for crying out loud!

Rufus has trouble sleeping,
so let's use our indoor voices.

As you know, valle,
Caroline set up this appointment.

That doesn't mean that I as a social
worker will take anyone's side.

My understanding is that you
squeezed Linus's dog to death.

- No, it was Gunnar's dog.
- I don't know if you can own a life.

- How's the house hunt?
- It's going all right.

It'll sort itself out
once I get a job.

For now,
I'm looking into different options...

I'm looking to rent a one-bedroom
apartment in botkyrka...

Should he carry a gun
on his two-hour commute to school?

What language will he be speaking?

There's something to
what Caroline says.

- Wait, what...?
- I want him in ostermalm.

- Close to Linus.
- I want to be close to Linus, too.

Sorry.

The best thing would be for you
to get a proper place.

Until then, Linus would be better off
with Caroline and Gunnar.

What? Why would he?

I don't want Linus to know
you're not a pilot anymore, either.

- Linus?
- Yes. I'm going to tend goal.

It hurts all the time.
It's like... 24 hours a day.

I'm unemployed, that may play a part.
And newly separated.

And homeless.
And I can't see my son.

- Your stool, is it loose or hard?
- It's loose.

And hard, at times.
It's never normal.

Lena? Yes?

- Have a look at this.
- I know, but just put them together.

Would you like to have dinner
with me sometime?

I'm going to do a rectal exam on you.
So undo your pants and lie down.

Lisa! It seems we're out of lube.

Turn over on your side.
There we go...

And up a little...

That's it. Move closer to the edge.

Try to relax the butt.
It makes for easier access.

Right. And we're off.

Try to lie still.
Will you hold him down?

I'm very flattered,
but I don't think I'm ready just yet.

I'm newly separated myself.
I hope you understand.

Yes, of course.
It was... just a thought.

Can't do it. Too much stool.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, god...

Please, dear god!
I've never believed in you,

but now I'm asking you,
please help me.

I've got a present for you here.

Asshole...

Naturally, we'll be in touch
as soon as possible.

Right, then. Thank you so much.

Valle Andersson, I take it?
You bet.

Welcome. Peter falk, president
of silver airlines. Come this way.

It's just down to the right here.

Right, okay. Thanks anyway.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- How did you do?
- It's no use.

I know some people on the board.
They're looking for a girl.

- What did you say?
- They want a female pilot.

- A girl?
- Yes. We can kiss it goodbye.

As I think back on it,
it all seemed so simple.

I changed my name
to Maria Andersson,

nicked my sister's ID,
and presto - I was a female pilot.

One that came
highly recommended.

So let them have a girl.

If that's what they want.

It's valle. Hang on.

Maria! It's for you.

Maria...

Maria Andersson.

On?

Sure. That'll be fine.

That sounds great.

Yes. Thank you. Bye, now.

I need your help.

You're going to steal a job
from a woman?

- Who stole it from a man.
- In my name!

You have no money.
You're eating beans and noodles.

You're 34 and still use
a prepaid phone.

It's you and the tweens
and the junkies.

You're trying to bribe me, valle?

Okay, but I want
a newspaper subscription, too.

Deal.

What do you think? Does it work?

You look good.

Good. I guess I have
a job interview to go to, then.

Bye. Yeah.

Are you Maria? Yes.

Hi, Peter falk,
president of silver. Welcome.

- Any trouble finding the place?
- No.

Great. We're over here.

It didn't feel real. I was
completely calm and relaxed.

It was just make-believe.

I said I was desperate for a job.

And I was.
Why else would I put on a dress?

But it was the dress, the make-up,
and the wig that made it so easy.

That made it so much... fun.

We feel good about it.
We'll be in touch shortly.

You just need to do the physical.

It's just a formality.

- Maria Andersson?
- Right. Hello!

- Come on in.
- I'm the pilot.

Do I have a clean bill of health?

Yes!

Hello? Yes? Hang on.

It's for you.

Hello? Right, hello!

Yes. That's right,
I'm looking at it right now.

Yes. That's great.

Yes. Okay, that sounds great.

Sure. Thanks a lot. Goodbye.

I got the job.

- Anything you want to say?
- My name is Maria Andersson.

I've been at delta in the us,
but I've also worked in Sweden.

I'm excited about working with you.

With us. You're one of us now.
“What airline?

- Orestad.
- Nice. A bromma girl.

- I'll leave you with them.
- Thank you for everything.

My old buddy sten helander
also applied for your job.

- He didn't get it.
- That's a shame.

- No boobs.
- I heard that, Harald.

That's weird. Because it seems you
have enough boobs for both of you.

I'm Cecilia. Hi.

Hey, what... “Welcome on board.

A pint of guinness
and a shot of jager.

- A glass of white wine.
- Goddamn it!

- Did you negotiate your salary?
- Yes. White wine for me, too.

- Thank you. Happy?
- Yes. They tried to lowball me.

- It's because you're not a man.
- I know, right?

I don't know what orestad was like,
but never show you're weak.

- They'll chew you up.
- So I noticed.

That Harald guy is harmless.
Watch out for jens, though.

- Jens...?
- He called you a bromma girl.

- He's slept with everyone.
- Okay. Everyone?

- Not me.
- Are you married?

- No, I'm single. You?
- Single. I'm a single girl.

Yes! That's what I'm talking about!

Shall we grab a booth instead?

Micke, Alex, Charlie, mats, Anders?

- Then there was Kim...
- Kim, right.

We were engaged. Then I found out
I wasn't the only one.

- So was Alex. I'm bisexual.
- Right...

Did I just make you uncomfortable
by telling you I'm bisexual?

- What? No, not at all.
- Relax, I'm not hitting on you.

My sister's a lesbian.
So I know all about that stuff.

- "That stuff"?
- Well, maybe not a lesbian per se.

It may be a cliché, but I think
we're all a little bit of both.

To different extents. I'm probably
not 100 percent straight, either.

- It's the person, not the gender.
- Exactly.

- That's also a cliché, but...
- ._ true.

You like dancing?

I'm going that way.

- Okay...
- You can come with, if you want.

I don't know...

Take it as a compliment.
I think you're totally...

- Thank you for tonight.
- Thank you.

Scissor it up somewhere else,
will ya? Get a room, damn it!

- Hey. I'm albin.
- I'm Maria.

The other Maria is in the shower.
Are you here to see her?

Yes, exactly.

- There's coffee.
- I'm good.

So you're a friend of Maria's?
Yes.

- How do you know each other?
- From school.

Okay.

- Hi, Maria!
- Albin. Maria and I need to talk.

- "Albin. Maria and I need to talk."
- Just go to bed, will you?

So I guess
I'm the palestinian of the day?

- Hi...
- Where the hell have you been?

You can't live here. You saw albin.

- Okay, I'll move out.
- Great.

And you'll get a new roomie
called Maria Andersson.

- She's a pilot, too.
- Get your own damn place!

Why don't you get one?
This is mom's place.

- Now it's mine.
- And I'm paying for it.

Look around, Maria. It's the same
furniture from when we were kids.

- You have no money!
- I'll do as you say, you freak!

- You got married?
- Coffee?

When did you have time for that?

Right, valle. You called
this meeting, so if you please...

I just wanted to say
that I've got a job.

- Oh? As a bus driver?
- No. As a pilot.

- Which airline?
- Silver.

Right, the kings of low-cost.
So you're a bus driver in the sky.

I'm saving up for a down payment
on an apartment.

I wanted to talk about maybe
getting to see Linus more.

I'm hesitant as long
as you're living with Maria.

I'd propose that you
get to see Linus now and then.

You can be at your sister's
but he should sleep here.

What does "now and then" mean?

Let's do as she says. Be happy
they don't put your head on a stick.

- Pardon?
- I'll have you know...

Killers used to be executed
in the skinnarvik mountains.

Their heads were put on a stick
then dragged onto the ice.

Left to the gulls,
so others may take heed.

In the spring, the bodies
would wash up on the shore

and be dumped in unhallowed ground.

- Did you actually witness this?
- We're talking 17th century.

- Let's all calm down a bit.
- I'm calm.

- It's not me who's angry.
- No, his testosterone is too low.

For the insemination,
you couldn't muster a teaspoon.

Okay, fine. I guess we'll take it
a bit more slowly with Linus.

Linus? Linus! Yes?

Go get dressed
and I'll drive you to school.

- But it's Sunday.
- He goes to Sunday school.

It's time you left.

Sunday school?
We haven't talked about... let go.

- Are you okay? Is it your back?
- Yes! My back!

So I had a job, the right to
see my kid, money coming in...

I was getting my life back together.
What more could you ask for?

Well, my own place. To afford I,
I had to keep the drag show going.

Ready for takeoff!

- Hi...
- Hji!

You're off? I just wanted to say
I had a great time the other night.

Whatever you're thinking,
it's totally cool. I just like you.

Same here.

- Have a safe flight.
- You too.

Good morning,
this is your captain speaking.

I, Maria Andersson,
and my co-pilot jens backman

welcome you aboard this flight
to Denmark and Copenhagen.

We're aided
by favorable winds today

and should reach our destination
on time, or even ahead of schedule.

- A female pilot, that's unusual.
- Yes. I think it's great.

We'll soon fly over jonkdping
and keep going south.

The weather in Copenhagen
is reported to be nice.

23 degrees celsius and sunshine.
I wish you a pleasant flight.

- You have a nice voice.
- Thanks.

You do. Sensual. Deep, yet feminine.
What are you, an alto?

- I don't actually know.
- Yes, you're an alto.

- Now you know.
- Great.

- You tired?
- No.

- Hello.
- Need a little pick-me-up?

- I'm not really tired.
- When are you going back?

In about an hour.

Come on.

- I'll just stay right here, jens.
- I caught something.

It's a big one. A real big one.

Hey, jens...

Come on, come on, come on!

- A bit of lemon... like that.
- I know.

Wow.

What does it taste like to you?

- I don't know. Like oysters?
- Sea and salt.

Typically female flavors, as it were.

Sirloin steak?
Typically manly flavors.

Muscle fibers, deeply filling...
But the oyster is a woman.

- I have eaten oysters before.
- Not like these.

I don't think you really get oysters.

I know you're a pilot and all,
but are you a little retarded?

Well. I see I hit a nerve.

Some people believe oysters
to be an aphrodisiac.

What do you think?

Well, neither do I. But the notion
probably stems from the fact

that the oyster both looks
and tastes like a certain something.

- It's just a fact.
- Here's another fact for you.

If you empty the contents of a glass
in someone's lap

it makes it look
like they've peed their pants.

Okay. So she's a dyke.

She's a lesbian.

- What a fucking pig.
- Good, now you know how I feel.

And every other woman on the planet.

Is that why you want my son
to wear a dress?

Well, hello... I heard you moved in.
That's so great!

It's so nice to have you here
rather than Maria's brother.

Oh, that guy. Yeah, what a loser.

- Such a fucking pig.
- Shut the fuck up, albin!

- Who asked you?
- Yeah, let us hate valle in peace.

Swallow the showerhead or shut up.

Hello!

Hi. Susanne, this is Maria Andersson.
She's a pilot.

Oh, like my son.
Or well, like my son used to be.

He got fired, boo-hoo.
Now I don't know what he's up to.

- Know him? Valle Andersson.
- He moved out.

Good. One shouldn't live
with one's family.

No. One should always do as one
pleases, despite having one another.

Exactly. Hi, I'm susanne.

My own mother didn't recognize me.

Thinking back, I understand this
must have been a defining moment.

- Shouldn't we say "I apologize"?
- Yeah, or maybe "you're welcome"?

Okay, I apologize.

- I said sorry.
- Always making a joke.

- No sense of humor?
- Not yours.

- Forget about them.
- You like to mix it up?

Well, I'll mix it up for you.

Let's not make erudite jokes
in Latin. No, sir.

Let's not crack wise, and let's stop
jacking off to old yearbooks.

Nobody could touch me. I was being
the smart little pig again.

A little smart pig wearing a dress
and a wig and size 11 pumps.

I could do whatever I wanted as long
as no one got into my panties.

Cecilia was smart enough
to take it slow.

Maria Andersson had told her
she was a bit new to girls.

You work out a lot? Yes.

My mother was a swimmer on
the national team. She set the bar.

Do you guys get along?

She died of cancer
when I was eleven, so...

Wow...

- What about you?
- Mom's still alive. Dad is dead.

He died in a car crash.
Fell asleep behind the wheel.

How old were you when it happened?

13 years, four months,
and two weeks.

- Roughly...
- Pretty much exactly.

My new life, so worthy and filled
with love, was made possible

by slightly stretching
and shifting the truth.

Everything came together. The
future seemed bright and possible.

By then I was used to flying wearing
a wig, fake tits, and a padded ass.

Hey... I just want to ask a question.
You can't keep this up.

It was time for my 16th flight
as Maria Andersson.

- You're not pissed off?
- Nope.

- Yes, you're a little pissed off.
- No, not at all.

You think you're not, but you are.

It's because I was a tad forward
last time, but I make no apologies.

That doesn't make you
any less retarded.

"I'm jens. I sleep with kids,
but I make no apologies."

Also, you think you're a lesbian,
but you're really bisexual.

We have bisexual co-workers.
I don't have a problem with it.

- What are you speaking about?
- Oh, that's interesting.

You use the more literary "speaking"
to kind of steer the conversation.

But that's just because I hit
a bit of a nerve there, didn't I?

You and I will sleep with each other.
But I get it. Change is painful.

You know what, jens?
Change is painful - in your face.

- Goddamn it!
- Fuck, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

- Your control or my control?
- What do you mean, control?

Help!

- Be calm! Be calm, captain! Be calm!
- Help!

Jens... jens!

I'm getting a divorce.
By god, I'm getting a divorce!

Open up wide, then close your mouth.

Does it hurt?

Please take your top off. I need
to listen to your heart and lungs.

No. I'm fine.

- Would you prefer a female doctor?
- No. I'm fine.

We can't make you,
but I don't understand why.

What about the other passengers?

- Just one with a broken thumb.
- That's great.

Your colleague has fared worse,
though. He's unconscious.

- Will he wake up?
- We can't say at this point.

Hey! How are you?

Hi, Maria. I'm Annika lindholm,
public relations manager at silver.

- How are you?
- I'm fine.

You must be shaken up,
but we need to go over a few things.

To avoid miscommunications
with the media.

You'll have the spotlight on you now,
whether you want to or not.

Maria Anderson, hero of the day.
Can you tell us what happened?

- Can you explain, Maria?
- Is anyone injured?

- Can you comment?
- The press conference is tomorrow.

- Was it the engines?
- Do you know what happened?

- Any comments?
- Was anyone injured?

- You don't remember anything?
- Flashing lights, loud noises...

The altitude dropped,
and I just blacked out.

Until I woke up
and saw the farmer in the field.

- What?
- There was a farmer in the field.

Well, you did everything right.
It was obviously second nature.

Hey... sweetie.

Just answer the questions
you can answer.

No personal theories, because
the investigation is still ongoing.

We must show we're on top of this.
And another thing.

If you panic, imagine you're playing
a role - that it's not really you.

- Seems we've got ourselves a hero.
- We don't know yet...

What's it gonna be, hero or not?

- Hero.
- That's decided, then.

- We need to protect the brand.
- Exactly. I feel it's important...

You feel I'm a blowhard
and that you're not being heard.

You feel the best thing
for the company

would be for you to feel
how it feels.

Stop feeling so many feelings, honey.

This is war and disaster time,
so let the boys take over.

My colleague and I were alerted
to a change in cabin pressure

followed by a sudden loss of altitude
due to non-responsive engines.

- What was wrong with them?
- We'll have to wait for the report.

By all accounts,
everyone acted flawlessly.

What were your thoughts when an
emergency landing was inevitable?

We have our routines which at this
point should be second nature.

It's great no passengers
were injured.

- Was that a question?
- Yes.

Yes, I'm relieved, but I'm concerned
for my colleague jens backman

who suffered serious trauma
and is now unconscious.

- Why did you land where you did?
- I didn't have many options.

Has silver's female-friendly hiring
policy compromised security?

Is gender prioritized
over competence?

Maria Andersson has shown
both bravery and great skill.

We're all very happy
she was in the cockpit this morning.

- What now? Will you fly again?
- Definitely.

But now I'm going home
to pour myself a whisky.

Or maybe I should have
a dash of liqueur?

- We're done.
- I know one of the passengers.

- I just wanted to say thank you.
- I just did my job.

This was today's press conference...

You are so fucking cool.

Albin, Maria and I need to talk.

- I'll leave if Maria wants me to.
- Albin. I think you better leave.

- How will you get out of this one?
- It'll fade away.

- Yeah, right.
- Sure.

Hey, it's not that bad.

It's the book. “What about it?

They're calling about it,
and I'm telling them it's going fine.

That I'll send it over next week.

I haven't written a single word.

- You're crash-landing and stuff...
- But you're writing all the time.

- I'm screwing around on Facebook.
- On Facebook?

Yes, I'm just pretending to write.

I love you.
If you want me, I'm yours.

How long have we known
each other, dad?

Roughly eleven years.

Are you and mom
never getting married again?

No. I don't think so.

Does it make you sad? Yes.

I can understand that.

It's embarrassing in school.

Of course it is.

Will you ever marry anyone else?

I don't know. The only thing I can
promise you, is it will get better.

- Does ice cream turn into pee or poo?
- I guess it depends.

- Are you putting it in your pocket?
- Yes, for later.

- For when?
- I was thinking at dinnertime.

You can't put it in your pocket.

Hi.

Bravo! What a press conference!
You were totally in command.

What a woman.

- Hello, by the way. I'm susanne.
- Hi. Cecilia.

I'm the mother of Maria,
her roommate.

- This is rakel, my life partner.
- Hello.

So you two are a couple? Great!

That's wonderful.
My god, you have to come!

We're getting married on the 12th!

I'm deciding you're coming.
Rakel will send an invite.

Okay. Sounds like fun.

- Are you hungry at all?
- A bit.

- Or should we go back to my place?
- Yes, that would be better.

Let's do that.

- Does it hurt?
- No, it's fine.

Have you ever suffered a blackout?

- Every weekend from the age of 15.
- Really?

No, I wasn't even drunk
on my graduation. Cheers!

- Looks like fun.
- Not for my neighbors.

- May we hear something?
- No. Way no.

- Put it down.
- Just a little something.

No.

Hello?

Hello?

- What happened?
- He just collapsed.

- What do you mean?
- I don't know!

There was nothing we could do.

- I don't follow.
- We weren't able to save him.

He's dead? Yes.

But, how...? What happened?

Too early to tell.
Probably a genetic heart condition.

But yes, what actually did happen?
You were there. So let's hear it.

- I was in the bathroom...
- Doing what? Peeing? Pooping?

- Peeing.
- Right. Then what?

- Albin opened the door.
- It wasn't locked?

No, I forgot.

He opened the door
and just... collapsed.

That's what you get
for not locking the bathroom door.

Seeing you pee was a shock.
His ticking heart bomb goes off.

Are you saying it's my fault
that albin's dead?

It could very well be. Excuse me.

Death by your wanking?
You couldn't stand him either!

But I don't go around
killing him by wanking!

Because you can't!

But who is she?

That's what's so great, she comes
out of nowhere and is now a hero.

I have to say, she handled that
press conference like a total pro.

What's your impression of her?

The phone is ringing
off the fucking hook.

Most importantly, she's a woman
in a male-dominated world.

And she comes in
and saves the day.

She could potentially become huge.

I think she already is. The papers
are calling her "Asa-Maria."

Asa is the town nearest
to where the plane landed.

Goodbye, albin.

Thank you for everything.

I always pee with an open door.
It wasn't your fault.

Thank you.

We'd love it if you would read a poem
at our wedding.

Fire doodles
by Tomas transtromer.

I'd love to.

Why not? I'd love to.

This woman single-handedly saved
the lives of 150 passengers

and is a national hero
for all of Sweden.

Her name is Maria Andersson,
but she's Asa-Maria to all of us.

- Hello!
- Hi.

- You look lovely.
- I dressed up for you, mans.

And for you guys -
what a great audience!

How are you doing out there?

So spread your wings and fly away
soon the whole world will be yours

- How can you be so calm?
- I'm just playing a role.

It's not really me.

- How's jens? Heard anything?
- No. There's been no change.

- What is this song?
- You don't know it? It's about you.

There is an angel in the cockpit

are you aware ticket sales are up
since the crash?

- Seriously?
- They call it the "Maria bump."

I'm worried.
The investigation is still ongoing.

Why are you telling me this?

- Can you turn that off?
- Sure thing.

We actually know very little.

An angel in the cockpit...

- So you know Maria?
- Exactly.

- You know her too, right?
- She's my roommate.

I don't know her all that well...
Valle! Come here!

- Hi, Maria!
- Hi, Linus! Hello, valle.

- Hi there...
- This is Cecilia.

She works at silver airlines.
You know them?

- Right. Yes, I do.
- Valle is my brother.

Cecilia is here with my roommate.

- Didn't I tell you I had a roommate?
- I think you did tell me that. Right.

This is Linus. He's valle's son.

Maybe you two have met before?

- No, I don't think so.
- I'll show you our seats.

- Great. Linus is coming with me.
- I got it.

We'll have a look at the church
while you get to know Cecilia, dad!

- You know the bride or the bride?
- The bride. You?

- Same, yeah. The bride.
- So we both know the bride.

- I don't know anyone else.
- Me neither.

Except for my mom.
But I don't think I really know her.

She's the one getting married.
My mom.

- Are you nervous?
- No, I'm not.

Yes, of course I'm nervous.
But it's kind of my natural state.

I'm like a pygmy rabbit,
thinking I might die at any moment.

But it's a good thing. Every moment
of life becomes a precious gift.

Maybe we have met. I recognize you.

Yeah, no, we really haven't.

- No.
- No. But it was nice meeting you.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

- Where is daddy?
- He's in the bathroom.

- It's so beautiful in here!
- Take it down a notch, queenie.

During the dark months,
my soul sat shrunken and lifeless,

but my body found its way
straight to you.

The night sky bellowed.

We milked the cosmos on the sly
and survived.

Oops.

"Take it down a notch, queenie?”
thanks a lot.

Relax, she's clueless.

- Thanks for helping out.
- There was nobody home there.

Maria, I want to show you something.
You're one to make a call.

Hi! That was so beautiful.

Where were you? I didn't see you.
I did see Linus, though.

Why put him in the front?
Many people couldn't see a thing.

Susanne! Yes?

- Seriously, valle.
- Yeah. Right.

- I'm so sorry.
- No worries. I got it.

Okay. Okay.

Feeling better now?
Or are you still nervous?

No, now I've more, like, given up.
What about yourself?

- I'm being stood up, more like.
- But I did see her. She is here.

- The pilot woman.
- The secret pilot woman.

Secret? All over Sweden
people know who she is.

I'd love it if she told me.

- Are you sure we haven't met before?
- Yes. This always happens to me.

I guess I have a blank face.
People project stuff on it.

This one girl thought I looked
like armin meiwes. Unbelievable.

- Who's that?
- The German cannibal.

He ate his lover's penis.

Shit!

Oh, shit.

- Yeanh...
- Right. Nice.

I'm sorry, people keep stopping me.

It seems nothing cheers people up
like plane crashes.

- What a wonderful ceremony.
- No, you were wonderful!

You have to meet gudrun.
You just have to!

Gudrun! Yes?

- This is Maria Andersson.
- Hello.

- Cecilia called.
- Did she say what she wanted?

She's clearly in love with you.
Or with "girl you."

Daddy... what's a transvestite?

I don't know. Ask your aunt -
I'm sure he knows.

Hi, Annika!

Jens! Are you awake?
Why hasn't anyone said anything?

Have a seat.

- How are you?
- Jens has told us what happened.

I've also read the official report,
which largely corroborates his story.

- Okay...
- You cocked up.

What jens is trying to say is
that you panicked.

He had to knock you out
to work in peace.

- What do you mean...?
- Is it hard to grasp?

Jens hasn't gone public
with this, nor will he.

- I see...
- It came down to you and a man.

We picked you for being a woman.
I won't make that mistake again.

Here's what's going to happen now.
You'll resign effective immediately.

Cancel all your public appearances.
You can always say you have pms.

Best case, we save face.
Worst case, we don't.

Thank you. That's all.

May I ask you... who was the man?
What man?

- The other applicant.
- His name was valle Andersson.

Instead, we got "an angel
in the cockpit." Fuck me...

Could I get an autograph
for my daughter?

Of course.

- What's her name?
- Maria.

She's only a week old,
but she's actually named after you.

The old lady and I think you're
a good role model for young girls.

So it's quite the honor for me to
chauffeur madam to her destination.

Here is an angel in the cockpit...

Is there anyone you can talk to?
Besides me?

Oh, sure. “Who?

Different people.

No one you know.

Susanne told me about this albin guy,
who died. I didn't know about that.

I know, I...
I didn't want to make you worried.

I don't care
if you're a bad pilot, Maria.

Where do your siblings live?
Do you have any siblings?

Who's your mom? Where are
you from? Who are your exes?

- Hey...
- I haven't even been to your place.

I want to be with you.
That's what matters.

And I want to be with you, but...

Here's the deal. I'm going
to go away for a few days.

While I'm gone, I want you to think
about where you see us going.

That was arguably the time to take
the wig off - come out of the closet.

But it was all about the money.

I needed money for an apartment
to be able to live with Linus.

And I was running out of time.

So for two weeks I went against
the orders of my former boss.

I whored myself out to the media
as much as I could.

I put out for anyone willing to pay
and they paid handsomely.

I tried to block out any thoughts
about Cecilia. It didn't quite work.

They've released
the black box recording! Valle!

- Mommy, mommy, mommy!
- Your control or my control?

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

- Be calm, captain!
- Help!

Who's that yelling?

No...

I can't take it anymore.
It's too much.

Black boxes, and wigs, and albin...

Jens backman knocks out
Maria Andersson to gain control.

How will this affect confidence
in airlines?

- Turn it off.
- I see two major problems.

First, media's need for heroes.

Second, what I would call
affirmative action fever.

Wait. Let's not bring
affirmative action into this.

- Hang on.
- Yes, this was a bad female pilot.

That doesn't mean all female pilots
are worse than male ones.

It may be that silver was very keen
on hiring female pilots.

Then they choose to ignore
that they got one bad apple.

What the hell. This wasn't
about being a man or a woman.

It was you - valle Andersson,
the human being - who sucked ass.

- What are you talking about?
- This will be about gender at first.

But once you yank your wig off,
people will finally get it.

- It's like the ending of seven!
- How is it like the ending of seven?

Spacey says it will be talked about
for generations. No one will get it.

But he's revealed a truth.
Which is?

Which is that it was valle Andersson
the human being...

Who was the worst at being a
suck-ass pilot and ought to be shot.

Goddamn! This is my book, valle.
This is what my book should be.

- When will you do it?
- Do what?

When will you reveal who you are?
You know what...

I think I'll skip that, actually.

- I was fired from silver.
- What?

Seems they're cleaning out.
Sweetie...

And you? How have you been?

Apart from half of Sweden
wanting to kill me, I'm doing okay.

Think like a pygmy rabbit. If you
think you might die any second,

every moment of life
becomes a precious gift.

Have you given any thought
to what we talked about?

- And?
- I can't stop thinking about you.

What does that mean?

Everything is just so... complicated.

I have a question for you.

Are you carrying around a secret
that you're afraid of telling me

because you fear
I won't want you if you do?

Yes. I guess you could say that.

Okay. Then I will only say this.

Either tell me what this is about,
or we are finished anyway.

Don't you get that?

Tell me.

I can't.

Okay.

That's a shame. A real shame.

Goddamn it!

- Daddy...
- Hey, buddy. Hi.

It's okay, buddy.

Why are you wearing a dress?

Isn'tit a pain
to pretend to be a girl?

- It's a pain to have to lie.
- So don't.

- The girl he loves doesn't know him.
- Now I have to bury her.

- Are you going to kill her?
- She has to go away, be forgotten.

- Who?
- Her. The girl I'm pretending to be.

- So who are you in love with?
- Cecilia is her name.

- But I think it's over between us.
- Is it? Who broke up with whom?

If I tell her like it is
she's going to hate me.

- But she doesn't know who you are.
- Whatever you do, you're screwed.

Captain Maria Andersson
was guilty of serious negligence.

This has sparked a debate
on affirmative action.

You know what the craziest thing is?

I'm all for affirmative action.

You're like the most hated person
in Sweden right now. That is so cool.

I'm like the red cross guy
who torched Romanian orphanages

and spent the insurance money
on champagne.

You're worse.
Because you're a woman.

I see you're on a roll. Yes.

- Hi, Annika.
- Maria is a person, not a gender.

- Maria!
- Can you comment on the report?

How does it feel to benefit
from affirmative action?

You've talked before, but now
you keep quiet. Isn't that hypocrisy?

Don't let them diminish you!
You're more than a gender.

- Does it feel good?
- No, it's...

Does it feel good to fool
everyone in Sweden?

I also think life can be pretty hard
even godawful at times.

But I don't resort to lying.
I dig in, and get to work.

And ['ll tell you this much. I got
this job because I'm good at it.

Not because I have tits!
You fucking liar!

- I can only apologize.
- It's not enough!

You better buckle the fuck up.

So heads down and throats exposed?

- That makes no sense.
- So throats exposed, then.

To slit them more easily?

- This isn't funny.
- I'm aware of that.

At this press conference,
I think we should try to highlight

it was the human being who failed,
not Maria Andersson, the woman.

To avoid
the affirmative action bullshit.

Maria Andersson the human being
sucked. Not the woman.

- Got it.
- Just to be clear.

Great, we need to stress that.

- The human being...
- Not the woman.

- I forgot, which one?
- It was the human factor.

- Great.
- Time to go.

I'll do this press conference on one
condition. Let Cecilia norell stay.

- And I want that in writing.
- You've got no leverage here.

I believe I do.

- You mean, conniving, fucking witch!
- Peter.

Get it done. And you stay away
from me and this industry.

Or I'll destroy you completely.

What do you say? Shall we go?

Welcome. In light of
the safety board's report

we at silver chose to call
this press conference. Annika...

On Monday, August 8th, a silver
aircraft had an emergency landing

in a field outside of Asa in halland.

Maria is a person, not a gender!
Maria is a person, not a gender!

Don't let them diminish you!
Don't let them trample on you!

Don't take any crap, Maria!

On what grounds
was Maria Andersson hired?

- Maybe if you let me read this...
- I was just in need of a job.

To be with my son.
That was all it was.

I had applied for 15 jobs.
Finally, I decided to go this way.

Once you've crossed that line,
it's impossible to go back.

My name is valle Andersson.
Maybe I should have started there.

Hi, how are you?

And Cecilia...
I know you're watching.

I'm sorry.
This was all just pretend.

Except for one thing.
I'm in love with you.

And I agree with what you said.
Remember? You said this...

You fall in love with a person,
not a gender. It's true.

I'm in love with you. Maybe we
could go dancing sometime?

Going out dancing like we did is
probably the most fun I've ever had.

Or maybe you could teach me
to play the trombone.

I could teach you to pop a wheelie.

- He's taking off.
- Hey, wait up.

So... here we are.
Let's see what happens.

- There he is.
- I've got a question.

What are you looking
to get out of this?

What does your family think of this?

- Valle, that was the coolest...
- I'll give you 50,000 kronor.

You can get two small apartments
for this place. One each.

- You get 50,000 for your troubles.
- Trying to bribe me?

- You want to bribe me?
- Fine, 75,000.

- Forget about it.
- 100,000. That's my final offer.

Deal.

What a fucking relief.

What a fucking relief.

- Hello.
- Hi. I just thought I'd...

- Come inside.
- Thank you.

- Were those the ones you wanted?
- They're the ones. Thank you.

Great. Enjoy.

I just want to apologize...
You're a national embarrassment.

And I have a one-bedroom apartment
in hjorthagen as of Monday.

- So I get Linus half the time.
- I've never been so humiliated.

Need I get a lawyer?
You're a clown.

At 12 years, I get to decide, and I
want to be with dad half the time.

The chap is right. Unfortunately.

It's laid out in section 21,
paragraph 5 of the family code.

In my time, people like you
were locked up in the nuthouse.

But times change. Cheers!

You fall in love with a person...

Goddamn it...

Fuck!

What I felt was real.
Only the wig was fake.

The dress, name, voice -
the whole person.

- No, I'm still the same person.
- Not to me.

You think... there's a chance
you can forgive me?

Shut up or I'll punch you again.
“What's worse?

Is it the betrayal or the gender...?

What? Are you pretending
to be some gender theorist?

- I dread losing you.
- You already have.

- I know that.
- Good.

I have a son. His name is Linus.

- He's eleven and blind.
- I know. I met him, remember?

My ex-wife was called Caroline.
Is called Caroline.

My mother is called susanne.
You met her too.

I can make tapas.
I'm a certified scuba diver.

My sister is called Maria. She has
that group, Judith, or whatever.

Dad was called staffan.
He died in a car crash.

- I told you about that.
- Just shut up!

- Could I get a glass of water?
- No.

- Why is he blind?
- Some people just are.

- Any other disabilities?
- He thinks... he's a bit funny.

- A bit of an idiot?
- More the opposite. I love him.

- Did I say idiots can't be loved?
- No, you didn't.

- Which means you could love me.
- Shut up.

Here you go, Linus. Thermos...

Thank you.

- I don't know what to say.
- Hi, grandma.

Try what comes
to mind spontaneously.

You're clearly punishment
for my sins.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You tell me.

In that case I think you should go
to hell for the time being.

You may come back
when you're nice.

You want me to say it again?
I'll say it again.

What the hell is so funny, rakel?

Thanks a lot.

I'm looking forward to reading it.

I have to take off.

- Hi. Can you sign this for me?
- Absolutely.

- Thank you.
- No problem... hey.

- Hey. How are you doing?
- I'm good.

- You?
- You... seem to be of two minds.

- Yeah, but I'm not.
- You just don't know it.

Hey, give me a call some day.

Nice handwriting.

- What will you do now?
- I don't know.

It will work itself out.
“Will it?

I wouldn't be so sure.

- You haven't fixed that yet?
- No. What's the point?

I could be in
for another one anytime.

I got to keep my job.
Thanks for that.

- I didn't want it, so I quit.
- You did?

Hey, dad. You know what I want
for a cane when I grow up?

A machine gun. You just go...
And everybody moves out of the way.

I think everyone should get one.
I want one, too.

- You're one of those girls?
- Daddy was going to kill you.

Not at all. I said I had to
get rid of Maria Andersson...

- I don't want to know. Get a blog.
- I thought you'd want to...

- She doesn't care, dad.
- Thank you, Linus.

Will you let me explain?

- Was that a cow?
- Are you joking?

- I want a waffle.
- You're like dolphins and Indians.

- All "gimme, gimme."
- I want to hear the butt monkeys.

Of course. Meanwhile,
valle can go get waffles.

I want to see the butt monkeys, too.

- Can you grill butt monkeys?
- Better not.

- Sure you can.
- But why would you?

So they know their place.

- What the hell?!
- Your butt is bigger than dad's.

- It is.
- Because I'm a girl. Hands off!

A girl?
I thought there were only people.

Shut up and go get waffles.

Subtitles by Mario bernengo
to: Subtitling