Original subtitles

I am going to kill you.

What? I haven't even said the stuff yet

What? I haven't even said the stuff yet

that might piss you off.

that might piss you off.

[gasps, yells]

[gasps, yells]

-Ivy! -[Joker sighs]

-Ivy! -[Joker sighs]

Violence was the hallmark of our relationship, too.

Violence was the hallmark of our relationship, too.

Beth, you craving Thai or Italian?

Beth, you craving Thai or Italian?

Beth, you craving Thai or Italian?

Hey! I don't know what I did! I'm sure it's somethin'.

Hey! I don't know what I did! I'm sure it's somethin'.

Let's just hash this out like adults.

Let's just hash this out like adults.

[gasps, squeals]

[gasps, squeals]

[Kite Man] I gotcha!

[Kite Man] I gotcha!

So, missed you at the dress fitting.

Kite Man, what the fuck is happenin'?

Kite Man, what the fuck is happenin'?

-Also, hand. -Uh... Oh, oh! Sorry.

-Also, hand. -Uh... Oh, oh! Sorry.

-Also, hand. -Uh... Oh, oh! Sorry.

-[Parademon screeching] -Uh, turns out

Dr. Psycho is now, like, all-powerful,

Dr. Psycho is now, like, all-powerful,

and has my forever babe mind controlled.

and has my forever babe mind controlled.

[groans] Well, we won't need to worry about Psycho

[groans] Well, we won't need to worry about Psycho

[groans] Well, we won't need to worry about Psycho

after I kill him.

Oh, thank God!

Oh, thank God!

She's the love of my life, and the wedding is tomorrow.

She's the love of my life, and the wedding is tomorrow.

The wedding's happening, okay?

The wedding's happening, okay?

You didn't buy that tux for nothin'.

I didn't buy it at all. It's a rental.

I didn't buy it at all. It's a rental.

Jesus, you are a grown man.

Jesus, you are a grown man.

Just buy it, you're gonna use it.

Just buy it, you're gonna use it.

[people screaming]

[people screaming]

-[Parademons snarling] -[Batman grunting]

-[Parademons snarling] -[Batman grunting]

-[Parademons snarling] -[Batman grunting]

[grunting]

One nest of Parademons, coming right up!

One nest of Parademons, coming right up!

Okay, that wasn't to anybody.

Okay, that wasn't to anybody.

Okay, that wasn't to anybody.

[Superman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

I'll ask you this once.

Where is Dr. Psycho?

Where is Dr. Psycho?

Where is Dr. Psycho?

[screeches]

Oh, what?

Because I'm an alien,

Because I'm an alien,

I understand all alien languages?

I understand all alien languages?

Okay. I know a little Parademon,

Okay. I know a little Parademon,

but it's still a racist assumption. Be better.

but it's still a racist assumption. Be better.

but it's still a racist assumption. Be better.

[Dr. Psycho and Riddler laughing]

[Dr. Psycho and Riddler laughing]

Do the fish guy, do him.

Do the fish guy, do him.

[laughs] God! You're like Jaws

[laughs] God! You're like Jaws

if all ya ate was fat people.

if all ya ate was fat people.

Okay, what's your most embarrassing moment?

Okay, what's your most embarrassing moment?

[gasps] I thought we were friends,

[gasps] I thought we were friends,

or at least coworkers with a begrudging professional respect.

or at least coworkers with a begrudging professional respect.

or at least coworkers with a begrudging professional respect.

Nanaue,

Nanaue,

play nice with your brother.

[young shark struggling, grunting]

[young shark struggling, grunting]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[sniffs] Blood!

-[young shark screams] -[bones crunching]

-[young shark screams] -[bones crunching]

No! What are you doing?

No! What are you doing?

That's your brother!

That's your brother!

My lord!

You devoured your kin like an amuse-bouche!

You devoured your kin like an amuse-bouche!

Holy hell!

Holy hell!

I thought we were gonna see you crap your pants,

I thought we were gonna see you crap your pants,

but that is dark, man.

but that is dark, man.

Have you procured the head of Harley Quinn?

Have you procured the head of Harley Quinn?

Funny you should ask.

Funny you should ask.

I am procuring as we speak.

I am procuring as we speak.

Any minute now, her head

Any minute now, her head

is gonna come rolling through the door

is gonna come rolling through the door

like a bowling ball with a bad dye job.

like a bowling ball with a bad dye job.

Ahem! Sorry to interrupt.

Ahem! Sorry to interrupt.

Um, apparently,

Um, apparently,

Batman and his super friends destroyed the Parademons,

Batman and his super friends destroyed the Parademons,

and are, um... [clears throat]

and are, um... [clears throat]

-...are coming here. -Fuck!

-...are coming here. -Fuck!

You express fear and displeasure.

You express fear and displeasure.

No! Everything's fine.

No! Everything's fine.

That was a happy "fuck."

That was a happy "fuck."

It's a great word. You can use it many different ways.

It's a great word. You can use it many different ways.

Like "Fuck, yeah!" or, "Let's fuck."

Like "Fuck, yeah!" or, "Let's fuck."

Harley Quinn swore an oath to me and failed.

Harley Quinn swore an oath to me and failed.

Now you have sworn the same oath.

Now you have sworn the same oath.

Now you have sworn the same oath.

I shall appear at nightfall to collect someone's head.

I shall appear at nightfall to collect someone's head.

It is your choice whose.

It is your choice whose.

No problem, no biggie!

No problem, no biggie!

Now, is that my nightfall or where you are?

Now, is that my nightfall or where you are?

'Cause time zones across planets and dimensions

'Cause time zones across planets and dimensions

are like wah, wah, wah, wah, wah... okay.

are like wah, wah, wah, wah, wah... okay.

[laughs triumphantly]

[laughs triumphantly]

You've stepped in it now, Psycho.

You've stepped in it now, Psycho.

A big, fresh wet one!

♪ The Justice League to the rescue! ♪

♪ The Justice League to the rescue! ♪

♪ The Justice League to the rescue! ♪

Huzzah!

Huzzah!

No way that helmet's powerful enough

No way that helmet's powerful enough

to control Superman's funky alien brain.

to control Superman's funky alien brain.

♪ The Justice League comes to get us ♪

♪ The Justice League comes to get us ♪

♪ Free us all ♪ [continues vocalizing]

♪ Free us all ♪ [continues vocalizing]

He might be right.

He might be right.

If the Justice League reach the mall,

uh, game over.

uh, game over.

Shut up, Debbie Downer,

Shut up, Debbie Downer,

it's not game over.

it's not game over.

It's game on! Ha!

It's game on! Ha!

We got a new plan.

We're gonna kill Harley Quinn,

We're gonna kill Harley Quinn,

but first we gotta kill the heroes.

but first we gotta kill the heroes.

Kill the heroes,

Kill the heroes,

kill Harley,

kill Harley,

rule Earth!

rule Earth!

Welcome to the old Kite-tress of solitude.

Welcome to the old Kite-tress of solitude.

Sorry about the mess.

My, uh, roommate leaves stuff everywhere.

My, uh, roommate leaves stuff everywhere.

Psycho, that little shit.

Psycho, that little shit.

Puts on a magic yarmulke

Puts on a magic yarmulke

and now, he's doin' Jedi mind tricks?

and now, he's doin' Jedi mind tricks?

We need to destroy that helmet.

Uh, just a little caveat there.

Uh, just a little caveat there.

Uh, we can't get close or he'll put our domes

Uh, we can't get close or he'll put our domes

through the brain-washing spin cycle.

through the brain-washing spin cycle.

I know. He did the same thing

I know. He did the same thing

to Clayface and King Shark.

to Clayface and King Shark.

The second they... Sy.

[sighs deeply] Sigh is right.

[sighs deeply] Sigh is right.

[sighs deeply] Sigh is right.

For my lady love hath been led astray.

For my lady love hath been led astray.

Not "sigh," dummy. Sy. Sy Borgman.

Not "sigh," dummy. Sy. Sy Borgman.

Not "sigh," dummy. Sy. Sy Borgman.

Sy wasn't affected by Psycho's mind control.

Sy wasn't affected by Psycho's mind control.

He was immune.

He was immune.

What the hell made you so special, Sy?

What the hell made you so special, Sy?

[yelps] Zombie eye, zombie eye!

[yelps] Zombie eye, zombie eye!

Wait, wait! My kite senses are fluttering.

Wait, wait! My kite senses are fluttering.

It's Morse Code!

It's Morse Code!

-You know Morse Code? -Of course!

-You know Morse Code? -Of course!

Sailors and kiters use signal lamps

Sailors and kiters use signal lamps

to transmit Morse Code without being detected.

to transmit Morse Code without being detected.

I still sometimes can't get over the fact

I still sometimes can't get over the fact

Ivy has sex with you.

Ivy has sex with you.

[suggestively] Oh, she does.

[suggestively] Oh, she does.

Look, the eye is saying...

Look, the eye is saying...

Plug... me... in.

Plug... me... in.

What does it mean?

What does it mean?

What does it mean?

Ta-da!

Ta-da!

Oh, well, okay, right.

Sy, you're a zombie robot ghost!

Sy, you're a zombie robot ghost!

N-n-n-none, none of the above, baby!

N-n-n-none, none of the above, baby!

I just got a classic case of

the human consciousness- transferred-into- the-machine-itis.

the human consciousness- transferred-into- the-machine-itis.

the human consciousness- transferred-into- the-machine-itis.

There was a whole chapter on it

There was a whole chapter on it

in my robot b-b-b-body handbook I didn't read.

in my robot b-b-b-body handbook I didn't read.

Sy, we don't have a lot of time.

Listen, why weren't you affected

Listen, why weren't you affected

by Psycho's mind control?

by Psycho's mind control?

Because the C-C-C-Commies!

Because the C-C-C-Commies!

CIA wanted to make sure the Ruskies didn't flip me

CIA wanted to make sure the Ruskies didn't flip me

into a Manchurian candidate

into a Manchurian candidate

and/or president of the United States.

They used cutting-edge t-t-technology

They used cutting-edge t-t-technology

to create an anti-mind control device

to create an anti-mind control device

and jammed it in my n-n-n-noggin.

and jammed it in my n-n-n-noggin.

Can you tell us how to make that device?

Can you tell us how to make that device?

Sure! Easy-p-p-peasy on my metal neezy.

Sure! Easy-p-p-peasy on my metal neezy.

Sure! Easy-p-p-peasy on my metal neezy.

-Oh, thank God! -We're coming, Ivy.

-Oh, thank God! -We're coming, Ivy.

[Sy] All you need is magnetic coating

[Sy] All you need is magnetic coating

-from a floppy disk... -Huh.

-The photodiodes of a VHS tape... -[groans]

-The photodiodes of a VHS tape... -[groans]

And an 8-track recording of The Monkees' D-D-D-Daydream Believer.

And an 8-track recording of The Monkees' D-D-D-Daydream Believer.

And an 8-track recording of The Monkees' D-D-D-Daydream Believer.

Say we couldn't get those things...

Say we couldn't get those things...

[Sy] Well, then, it's gonna take a little elbow grease.

[Sy] Well, then, it's gonna take a little elbow grease.

[Sy] Well, then, it's gonna take a little elbow grease.

[indistinct roaring]

[indistinct roaring]

Oh, my God! Superman's gonna kill Ivy!

Oh, my God! Superman's gonna kill Ivy!

Wasn't he trapped in a book?

Wasn't he trapped in a book?

-Who let Superman out of the book? -[disappointed sigh]

-Who let Superman out of the book? -[disappointed sigh]

[Riddler] Are you sure you've got this?

[Riddler] Are you sure you've got this?

I mean, there's still time to flee.

I mean, there's still time to flee.

You've seen these calves.

You've seen these calves.

Stop showing me your weird turkey leg calves.

Stop showing me your weird turkey leg calves.

I'm not gonna fuck you.

I'm not gonna fuck you.

If you wanna go, go.

But don't show up tomorrow when this is over

But don't show up tomorrow when this is over

and still expect me to let you rule Scandinavia.

and still expect me to let you rule Scandinavia.

and still expect me to let you rule Scandinavia.

I know you got a type.

I know you got a type.

Fine, fine, I'll stay.

Fine, fine, I'll stay.

Ah! It's just so pretty there.

Everything looks like a fairy tale.

Everything looks like a fairy tale.

-[Dr. Psycho] Mmm. -Ow! God!

-[Dr. Psycho] Mmm. -Ow! God!

Ivy, stand down.

Ivy, stand down.

[Wonder Woman and Superman grunt]

Still got it, baby.

Still got it, baby.

Hey...

Hey...

I know I'm more of a wordplay guy,

I know I'm more of a wordplay guy,

but, mathematically, I don't like your odds.

but, mathematically, I don't like your odds.

Don't get your onesie in a wad.

Don't get your onesie in a wad.

I got a couple of things up my sleeve.

I got a couple of things up my sleeve.

Two very short arms?

Two very short arms?

God damn it, I was trying to think

God damn it, I was trying to think

of a really cool Wesley Snipes-style one liner

and you had to go--

and you had to go--

Wesley Snipes?

Wesley Snipes?

When's the last time you saw a fucking movie?

When's the last time you saw a fucking movie?

Poison Ivy, we know that you're under Dr. Psycho's mind control.

Poison Ivy, we know that you're under Dr. Psycho's mind control.

Poison Ivy, we know that you're under Dr. Psycho's mind control.

So I give you this warning. I, Kal-El, do say--

So I give you this warning. I, Kal-El, do say--

We don't want to have to take you out

but if you don't give us another option, we will.

but if you don't give us another option, we will.

That's what he was getting to.

That's what he was getting to.

Don't worry, the shark hates violence

Don't worry, the shark hates violence

and the lump of clay is harmless.

and the lump of clay is harmless.

[yells] Blood!

[yells] Blood!

Okay, I did not, uh... yeah.

Okay, I did not, uh... yeah.

Okay, I did not, uh... yeah.

Uh. Come on, come on!

Uh. Come on, come on!

I'm Kite Man! Not Soldering Man!

I'm Kite Man! Not Soldering Man!

I know Soldering Man, but he's in Milwaukee.

I know Soldering Man, but he's in Milwaukee.

No, I said connect the thingamajig

No, I said connect the thingamajig

to the w-w-what's-ya-call-it, not the whose-it-what's-it!

to the w-w-what's-ya-call-it, not the whose-it-what's-it!

I don't know how to do this!

I don't know how to do this!

Kites are electricity-free. I went to Oberlin!

Kites are electricity-free. I went to Oberlin!

Well, unless you figure it out,

Well, unless you figure it out,

the person I love

-is gonna die! -What?

-is gonna die! -What?

As a friend. The friend I love,

As a friend. The friend I love,

as a friend, is gonna die!

Okay, 'cause that sounded intense.

Okay, 'cause that sounded intense.

I'm Harley Quinn, I'm impetuous, I kiss people. Muah!

I'm Harley Quinn, I'm impetuous, I kiss people. Muah!

I'm Harley Quinn, I'm impetuous, I kiss people. Muah!

Oh-ho! Hoochie mama!

Oh-ho! Hoochie mama!

What is happening?

Okay. You know what? I can't wait around

Okay. You know what? I can't wait around

until you graduate from DeVry! I'm goin' to save Ivy.

until you graduate from DeVry! I'm goin' to save Ivy.

until you graduate from DeVry! I'm goin' to save Ivy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

that is a sophisticated piece of cloth and wood.

that is a sophisticated piece of cloth and wood.

It took years of training with my sen--

It took years of training with my sen--

And she is soaring majestically.

And she is soaring majestically.

And she is soaring majestically.

-[roaring] -[Batman grunts]

-[roaring] -[Batman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[King Shark grunts]

[King Shark grunts]

[Superman straining]

[Superman straining]

Get off me, you angry dolphin. Get off me!

Get off me, you angry dolphin. Get off me!

Get off me, you angry dolphin. Get off me!

-[glass shattering] -[metal crunching]

-[glass shattering] -[metal crunching]

-[Wonder Woman grunts] -[Poison Ivy exclaims]

-[Wonder Woman grunts] -[Poison Ivy exclaims]

Wait, wait! Did I tell you?

Wait, wait! Did I tell you?

Ivy and I basically spent her whole bachelorette party

Ivy and I basically spent her whole bachelorette party

Ivy and I basically spent her whole bachelorette party

saving Themyscira from Lex Luthor?

saving Themyscira from Lex Luthor?

Clear the area, clown.

Otherwise, I can't be responsible for your safety.

Otherwise, I can't be responsible for your safety.

[both grunt]

[both grunt]

[pants]

Damn it, Harley!

Damn it, Harley!

[King Shark sniffing]

[King Shark sniffing]

Blood!

Blood!

[King Shark growls]

[King Shark growls]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Wonder Woman grunts]

[Batman groaning] Harley!

Are you shittin' me, Clayface?

Are you shittin' me, Clayface?

Are you shittin' me, Clayface?

You could change into this at any time

You could change into this at any time

and chose ditzy co-eds and divorcees?

and chose ditzy co-eds and divorcees?

[Clayface roars]

[Clayface roars]

[Superman grunts]

You realize the Man of Steel

You realize the Man of Steel

isn't just a clever nickname, right?

isn't just a clever nickname, right?

Ive, you gotta snap out of it

Ive, you gotta snap out of it

or they're gonna kill-- [yelps]

or they're gonna kill-- [yelps]

or they're gonna kill-- [yelps]

or they're gonna kill-- [yelps]

-[Superman grunts] -[Poison Ivy screams]

-[Superman grunts] -[Poison Ivy screams]

-[Superman grunts] -[Poison Ivy screams]

-[Superman grunts] -[Poison Ivy screams]

[Harley] Ugh. Homeboy's gotta upgrade to jet pack or somethin'.

[Harley] Ugh. Homeboy's gotta upgrade to jet pack or somethin'.

[Clayface roaring]

[Clayface roaring]

[King Shark roaring]

[King Shark roaring]

[King Shark roaring]

[King Shark roaring]

[King Shark yelps, grunts]

-[roars] -[metal clangs]

-[roars] -[metal clangs]

[gasps]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[Clayface roaring]

[Clayface roaring]

[Clayface roaring]

[beeping]

[Clayface roars]

[Clayface roars]

[snaps]

[snaps]

[grunts] Ive, there you are.

[grunts] Ive, there you are.

[grunts] Ive, there you are.

Oh, wow, you rocked Superman.

Oh, wow, you rocked Superman.

Anyway, listen,

I know the real you is in there somewhere.

I know the real you is in there somewhere.

I know the real you is in there somewhere.

Well, that's new.

Well, that's new.

[Harley screams]

[Harley screams]

[sighs]

[sighs]

I guess Poison Ivy should've... hedged her bet.

I guess Poison Ivy should've... hedged her bet.

I guess Poison Ivy should've... hedged her bet.

Hmm.

[grapple gun firing]

[grapple gun firing]

[grapple gun firing]

Okie d-d-d-dokie, that should do it.

Okie d-d-d-dokie, that should do it.

Give her a whirl, Mr. Kite Man.

Give her a whirl, Mr. Kite Man.

[device whirrs, beeps]

[device whirrs, beeps]

-[electricity crackling] -[Kite Man grunts]

-[electricity crackling] -[Kite Man grunts]

-Sy? -[static]

-Sy? -[static]

Oh, frick, I killed him.

Oh, frick, I killed him.

[Sy] No way, Jose!

[Sy] No way, Jose!

Synet is online!

Synet is online!

Where are you?

[Sy] Hey. Let's build this anti-mind-control device

[Sy] Hey. Let's build this anti-mind-control device

and then if there's time, we'll make some fresh pasta.

and then if there's time, we'll make some fresh pasta.

Hell, yeah!

Hell, yeah!

[Harley] Oh, great! Gang's all here.

[Harley] Oh, great! Gang's all here.

We don't need to settle this with violence. You know...

We don't need to settle this with violence. You know...

Hmm. That's a personal first.

Hmm. That's a personal first.

Quinn's right. Wayne Tower has seen enough damage.

Quinn's right. Wayne Tower has seen enough damage.

And I believe a metahuman battle

And I believe a metahuman battle

falls outside Mr. Wayne's insurance coverage.

falls outside Mr. Wayne's insurance coverage.

He's a friend, I'm just saying.

He's a friend, I'm just saying.

[Harley grunts]

[Harley grunts]

[Harley grunts]

[Poison Ivy grunts]

Bats, you got her all tied up.

Bats, you got her all tied up.

Leave her alone and go stop Psycho.

Leave her alone and go stop Psycho.

I'm sorry, Harley.

She's too dangerous.

She's too dangerous.

She needs to be taken down.

She needs to be taken down.

She could escape and kill thousands

She could escape and kill thousands

before Dr. Psycho is neutralized.

before Dr. Psycho is neutralized.

I can't let you kill her.

I can't let you kill her.

I love her more than anything in this whole world.

I love her more than anything in this whole world.

I'm not gonna kill her.

I'm not gonna kill her.

I'm just gonna put her in the phantom zone

I'm just gonna put her in the phantom zone

where she'll rest for all of eternity.

where she'll rest for all of eternity.

Then, send me there, too!

Uh, all right.

Uh, all right.

Wow, this is so dramatic.

Wow, this is so dramatic.

It's like a CW show,

It's like a CW show,

if the cast was less hot.

if the cast was less hot.

Yeah, you guys are right. Ivy's too dangerous to--

Yeah, you guys are right. Ivy's too dangerous to--

To be left alive.

To be left alive.

You should have killed her when you had the chance. Because now?

You should have killed her when you had the chance. Because now?

You're right where I want you.

You're right where I want you.

[Wonder Woman gasps, coughs]

[Wonder Woman gasps, coughs]

[gasps]

Wonder Woman, you look bangin'.

Wonder Woman, you look bangin'.

-What? -Batman,

are those pecs real or is it just the suit? [chuckles playfully]

are those pecs real or is it just the suit? [chuckles playfully]

Gross.

These pecs are definitely real.

These pecs are definitely real.

Give them a grab. Don't be shy.

Give them a grab. Don't be shy.

Give them a grab. Don't be shy.

Oh, gross. Did you just spray them with Ivy's love pheromones?

Oh, gross. Did you just spray them with Ivy's love pheromones?

Maybe we should see what's under these costumes.

Maybe we should see what's under these costumes.

Maybe we should see what's under these costumes.

[Wonder Woman chuckles]

Or not. A lot of not. Please, not!

[Superman laughs] You know I can see through that, right?

[Superman laughs] You know I can see through that, right?

[gasps, yelps]

[gasps, yelps]

[distant whistling]

[distant whistling]

[distant whistling]

[Riddler and Dr. Psycho laughing]

Yes! The heroes are defeated!

Yes! The heroes are defeated!

Yes! The heroes are defeated!

Ivy's bringing me Harley,

my ramen takeout's almost here,

my ramen takeout's almost here,

and the Earth is about to be mine!

and the Earth is about to be mine!

I'm the most powerful person on the fucking planet!

I'm the most powerful person on the fucking planet!

I'm the most powerful person on the fucking planet!

[Dr. Psycho] Ahhh!

[Dr. Psycho] Ahhh!

I've returned to collect what is owed to me.

I've returned to collect what is owed to me.

Where is Harley Quinn?

Where is Harley Quinn?

[Dr. Psycho] Yeah. So, it's mostly gadgets

[Dr. Psycho] Yeah. So, it's mostly gadgets

like drones and scented alarm clocks.

like drones and scented alarm clocks.

The kind of stuff you find in the sky mall.

The kind of stuff you find in the sky mall.

And who is Orange Julius?

And who is Orange Julius?

[Riddler laughs]

[Riddler laughs]

-She's here. -See?

Harley Quinn, as promised.

Harley Quinn, as promised.

Psycho, release me, you tiny, giant asshole!

Psycho, release me, you tiny, giant asshole!

Psycho, release me, you tiny, giant asshole!

Shut up.

Kill her now and I shall call forth

Kill her now and I shall call forth

the armies of Apokolips

the armies of Apokolips

to enslave this planet

to enslave this planet

as we agreed upon.

as we agreed upon.

Choose not to and it's your head.

Choose not to and it's your head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

Cool your jets, Big D.

Cool your jets, Big D.

I have been thinking about something,

I'm more than just a "rule Earth" kind of guy, all right?

I'm more than just a "rule Earth" kind of guy, all right?

I'm more than just a "rule Earth" kind of guy, all right?

I could rule solar systems for you,

I could rule solar systems for you,

goddamn galaxies.

goddamn galaxies.

[chuckles] Unlikely.

[chuckles] Unlikely.

Listen, I get it, I get it.

You probably think I'm just a run-of-the-mill supervillain

You probably think I'm just a run-of-the-mill supervillain

You probably think I'm just a run-of-the-mill supervillain

but I got that charisma,

that je ne sais quoi that you're looking for in a right-hand man.

that je ne sais quoi that you're looking for in a right-hand man.

that je ne sais quoi that you're looking for in a right-hand man.

Let me show ya. I'm about to do something epic!

Let me show ya. I'm about to do something epic!

Let me show ya. I'm about to do something epic!

-Explain. -[device beeps]

You see the living weed over there?

You see the living weed over there?

That right there is Poison Ivy.

That right there is Poison Ivy.

Let me give you some backstory.

Let me give you some backstory.

Let me give you some backstory.

Harley, I made the anti-mind control device.

Harley, I made the anti-mind control device.

Well, actually Sy turned into a cake mixer

Well, actually Sy turned into a cake mixer

and he made it... It's kind of a funny story...

and he made it... It's kind of a funny story...

that we don't have time for.

that we don't have time for.

We only had materials for two of these bad boys.

We only had materials for two of these bad boys.

Put the other in Ivy's ear if my plan doesn't work.

Put the other in Ivy's ear if my plan doesn't work.

This is the plan.

This is the plan.

What the hell is your plan?

What the hell is your plan?

True love.

True love.

Pamela Isley. It's me. Chuck.

Pamela Isley. It's me. Chuck.

What is a "Chuck"?

What is a "Chuck"?

Ivy, I'm your fiancé. Your soulmate.

Ivy, I'm your fiancé. Your soulmate.

I believe our love is so powerful, that when I kiss you,

I believe our love is so powerful, that when I kiss you,

I believe our love is so powerful, that when I kiss you,

it will break Psycho's spell.

Because true love conquers all.

Because true love conquers all.

Because true love conquers all.

Because true love conquers all.

[grunts]

[grunts]

As I was saying, Ivy and Harley are best friends.

As I was saying, Ivy and Harley are best friends.

As I was saying, Ivy and Harley are best friends.

So it's gonna be very poetic

So it's gonna be very poetic

when Harley is killed not only by her friend...

when Harley is killed not only by her friend...

but her secret lover!

but her secret lover!

but her secret lover!

You know?

Of course I fucking know!

Of course I fucking know!

You think I'm going to mind control Ivy

You think I'm going to mind control Ivy

and not read her mind?

and not read her mind?

You don't buy a Ferrari and leave it in the garage!

You don't buy a Ferrari and leave it in the garage!

You don't buy a Ferrari and leave it in the garage!

We are not secret lovers!

It was a couple times and it was amazing

It was a couple times and it was amazing

and Ivy broke it off and I'm totally cool with it!

and Ivy broke it off and I'm totally cool with it!

Enough! Stop trying to lower the stakes.

Enough! Stop trying to lower the stakes.

Enough! Stop trying to lower the stakes.

Hey. Pitting two lovers against each other,

Hey. Pitting two lovers against each other,

like I said, epic.

like I said, epic.

I am mildly intrigued by evil usurping love.

I am mildly intrigued by evil usurping love.

I am mildly intrigued by evil usurping love.

Oh, look at the big words on Darkseid.

Oh, look at the big words on Darkseid.

Someone did well on their SATs.

Someone did well on their SATs.

Ive, we love each other too much to do this! [grunts]

Ive, we love each other too much to do this! [grunts]

[laughs evilly]

[laughs evilly]

[Harley grunts]

[sighs] Don't make me hurt you.

[sighs] Don't make me hurt you.

[grunting]

[grunting]

Okay, don't make me hurt you again.

Okay, don't make me hurt you again.

-[grunts] -[bat clatters]

-[grunts] -[bat clatters]

[straining, grunting]

[straining, grunting]

[laughs] Isn't this great?

[laughs] Isn't this great?

Friends fighting to the death.

Friends fighting to the death.

I mean, this is the stuff that gets you off, right?

I mean, this is the stuff that gets you off, right?

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[Harley straining]

-[grunts] -[device clatters]

-[grunts] -[device clatters]

-[grunts] -[device clatters]

-[grunts] -[device clatters]

Yes! Kill her! Kill Harley!

Yes! Kill her! Kill Harley!

Yes! Kill her! Kill Harley!

[straining] Here... goes... true... love...

[straining] Here... goes... true... love...

[straining] Here... goes... true... love...

Okay! Mr. Johnson's up! Girl on girl. So hot.

Okay! Mr. Johnson's up! Girl on girl. So hot.

Okay! Mr. Johnson's up! Girl on girl. So hot.

Holy shit. True love worked.

Holy shit. True love worked.

Holy shit. True love worked.

What are you, 13?

What are you, 13?

Psycho, focus. [snaps fingers] Focus!

Psycho, focus. [snaps fingers] Focus!

Fine. I command you

Fine. I command you

to kill Harley Quinn.

to kill Harley Quinn.

[grunting] Uh, come on!

[grunting] Uh, come on!

And I command you to ess my vee.

And I command you to ess my vee.

And I command you to ess my vee.

"Ess my vee"?

[Dr. Psycho grunts] What the fuck?

[Dr. Psycho grunts] What the fuck?

[groans] What the hell is going on?

[groans] What the hell is going on?

[groans] What the hell is going on?

Guess you ain't as strong as you thought, Psycho.

Guess you ain't as strong as you thought, Psycho.

You're not an A-lister.

Just a goon with delusions of grandeur.

Just a goon with delusions of grandeur.

Have you failed me, human?

Have you failed me, human?

No! You think I need Ivy to kill her? Come on.

No! You think I need Ivy to kill her? Come on.

No! You think I need Ivy to kill her? Come on.

I'll kill both of 'em. I am an all-powerful man!

I'll kill both of 'em. I am an all-powerful man!

I'll kill both of 'em. I am an all-powerful man!

-Come and get me! -[both] Sure.

-Come and get me! -[both] Sure.

-Come and get me! -[both] Sure.

-[Dr. Psycho grunts] -[objects clatter]

You're not all-powerful, douchebag.

You're not all-powerful, douchebag.

You're just a loser who puts on a hat to look cool.

You're just a loser who puts on a hat to look cool.

Basically, everyone on Tinder.

Basically, everyone on Tinder.

Yeah a lot of hats on Tinder.

Yeah a lot of hats on Tinder.

-A lot of hats. -Oh!

-A lot of hats. -Oh!

Oh! It's good to have my very bitter friend back.

It's over for ya, buddy!

It's over for ya, buddy!

[grunts]

[grunts]

-[electricity crackles] -[Dr. Psycho groans]

-[electricity crackles] -[Dr. Psycho groans]

Harley Quinn!

Harley Quinn!

[nervously] Hi, Mr. Darkseid, sir.

[nervously] Hi, Mr. Darkseid, sir.

I'm really sorry about bringing those Parademons to Earth

I'm really sorry about bringing those Parademons to Earth

and not using them.

and not using them.

See, I was doing it for the wrong reasons and--

See, I was doing it for the wrong reasons and--

You have proved yourself even more formidable than I thought.

You have proved yourself even more formidable than I thought.

You have proved yourself even more formidable than I thought.

-The deal stands. -"The deal"?

-The deal stands. -"The deal"?

On your command...

On your command...

-[device beeps] -...my armies shall spring forth

-[device beeps] -...my armies shall spring forth

and enslave the planet.

The Earth is yours, Harley Quinn.

The Earth is yours, Harley Quinn.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Psycho, the creep that he is, he was right.

Psycho, the creep that he is, he was right.

I don't wanna rule Earth on a throne of skulls.

I don't wanna rule Earth on a throne of skulls.

I'm not a real supervillain.

I'm not a real supervillain.

Hell, I'm not sure I'm even a bad guy anymore.

Hell, I'm not sure I'm even a bad guy anymore.

All I've been doing is reacting.

All I've been doing is reacting.

Getting in the Legion of Doom to show up Joker.

Getting in the Legion of Doom to show up Joker.

Stopping the Injustice League to get revenge.

Stopping the Injustice League to get revenge.

It's 'cause, deep inside,

It's 'cause, deep inside,

I didn't know what I really wanted, until now.

I didn't know what I really wanted, until now.

Your indecision baffles and angers me.

Your indecision baffles and angers me.

Your indecision baffles and angers me.

For this, I shall return one day

For this, I shall return one day

and terraform your planet into a scrapyard.

and terraform your planet into a scrapyard.

and terraform your planet into a scrapyard.

Well, that seems ominous.

Well, that seems ominous.

All right, pop back in your Boom Tube.

All right, pop back in your Boom Tube.

Darkseid is...

Darkseid is...

leaving.

leaving.

Ivy, you call me out on all my bullshit,

Ivy, you call me out on all my bullshit,

but you don't judge me for it.

but you don't judge me for it.

We have fun whether we're sitting on the couch

We have fun whether we're sitting on the couch

or murdering a group of investment bankers.

or murdering a group of investment bankers.

You showed me what the best version of myself could be

You showed me what the best version of myself could be

and you held me to it.

and you held me to it.

I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you.

I want to be with you.

I want to be with you.

And, yes, it might be messy. It might not work.

And, yes, it might be messy. It might not work.

It might even destroy our friendship forever.

It might even destroy our friendship forever.

It might even destroy our friendship forever.

But love is a risk.

I'd rather risk our friendship

I'd rather risk our friendship

than pretend these feelings aren't real.

than pretend these feelings aren't real.

You just, you don't give up on love.

You just, you don't give up on love.

Take a risk,

Take a risk,

take a leap of faith, and be with me.

take a leap of faith, and be with me.

[Kite Man groans]

[Kite Man groans]

Hey, did my kiss work?

Hey, did my kiss work?

Where am I?

[Dr. Psycho laughs maniacally]

[Dr. Psycho laughs maniacally]

[Dr. Psycho laughs maniacally]

We're laughing? Are we friends again?

We're laughing? Are we friends again?

What is so funny?

What is so funny?

Aw, man, I hate missing inside jokes!

Aw, man, I hate missing inside jokes!

Oh, don't worry,

Oh, don't worry,

I'll tell you.

[Dr. Psycho screams]

[laughs maniacally]

[Poison Ivy and Harley moaning]

[Poison Ivy and Harley moaning]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Oh, this is gonna affect the crew dynamic

Oh, this is gonna affect the crew dynamic

in a messy and complicated manner.

in a messy and complicated manner.

in a messy and complicated manner.

I already had a feeling. The tension was palpable.

I already had a feeling. The tension was palpable.

I already had a feeling. The tension was palpable.

[laughs] She's still limber.

[laughs] She's still limber.

[Dr. Psycho grunting]

[Dr. Psycho grunting]

Ooh! I need a cigarette.

Ooh! I need a cigarette.

[groans]

[groans]

Um...

Um...