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1
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Woman: Previously on Deadbeat...
2
00:00:08,349 --> 00:00:10,455
Ghost stick around when they
have unfinished business.
3
00:00:10,465 --> 00:00:13,886
Finishing unfinished
business is my business.
4
00:00:13,896 --> 00:00:15,288
Camomile: What else do
we know about this guy?
5
00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:17,949
It seems he's fashioned
himself a little ghost hut
6
00:00:17,956 --> 00:00:20,809
- out of a newsstand.
- What are you scheming?
7
00:00:20,817 --> 00:00:22,503
- Camomile White.
- Hi.
8
00:00:22,504 --> 00:00:24,147
Would you like to go out sometime?
9
00:00:24,152 --> 00:00:25,596
That's not what I thought you'd say.
10
00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:27,896
- Do you want to take my number?
- Oh.
11
00:00:27,901 --> 00:00:33,126
- Call me when you want to...
- (Grunting)
12
00:00:33,136 --> 00:00:35,521
play. Call me.
13
00:00:35,528 --> 00:00:36,896
(Theme music playing)
14
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:44,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
15
00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,589
(Mysterious theme playing)
16
00:01:11,842 --> 00:01:13,688
I don't get why she hasn't called me back.
17
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,685
I mean, I have certainly left
her enough voice messages
18
00:01:16,686 --> 00:01:18,234
to let her know I'm still interested.
19
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,219
Look, why don't you just
break into her apartment
20
00:01:20,229 --> 00:01:22,283
and wear all her clothes and wait for her?
21
00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:23,871
I do know where she lives.
22
00:01:23,881 --> 00:01:25,132
Look, just play it cool, you know?
23
00:01:25,142 --> 00:01:26,662
People love what they can't have.
24
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,610
And that's the principle. It's
the same business with pa-chank.
25
00:01:30,611 --> 00:01:32,199
You can never try to impress a femmie.
26
00:01:32,208 --> 00:01:34,114
That's why I let them impress me.
27
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:36,933
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- Excuse me. Is this your place?
28
00:01:36,943 --> 00:01:39,578
I'm here 'cause I heard
you deal with ghosts.
29
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:41,647
- Yeah, he's the best.
- I am the best.
30
00:01:41,657 --> 00:01:44,168
I work over at the United
States of Apparel on Lex.
31
00:01:44,178 --> 00:01:46,749
It's that clothing store. I
think it might be haunted.
32
00:01:46,759 --> 00:01:50,858
Uh, I'm sorry. Are you asking me questions?
33
00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:54,143
- Or...
- No, that's the way she talks.
34
00:01:54,153 --> 00:01:55,999
- Oh.
- Look, look. Sorry about him.
35
00:01:56,009 --> 00:01:57,458
- I got to get back to my shift,
36
00:01:57,468 --> 00:01:59,383
but can you take the case or not?
37
00:01:59,393 --> 00:02:01,071
I can't pay you money, but
I can probably give you
38
00:02:01,081 --> 00:02:02,996
some merchandise left
over from last season.
39
00:02:03,006 --> 00:02:05,357
Listen, I can't afford to do any more cases
40
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,783
where I don't get paid in money for.
41
00:02:06,788 --> 00:02:09,666
You know what... I know somebody
that can flip that merch into cash.
42
00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:12,981
- Oh, all right.
- So can you come with me right now?
43
00:02:12,991 --> 00:02:14,470
- We on it, we on it.
- We on it.
44
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,365
We on it, baby. It's a ghost.
45
00:02:16,375 --> 00:02:18,986
Hey, you know what? I think
you should let me come with you
46
00:02:18,995 --> 00:02:21,705
on this case. Could be like a ride along.
47
00:02:21,715 --> 00:02:23,988
Ah, I see what's going on here, man.
48
00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:25,774
You are head over heels for this girl.
49
00:02:25,784 --> 00:02:28,533
No, no. That's not what it
is. I want to see, actually,
50
00:02:28,543 --> 00:02:30,816
what my best friend does
on this job, you know?
51
00:02:30,826 --> 00:02:34,201
- Oh, do you?
- Yes, yes.
52
00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:36,493
Okay, let's go.
53
00:02:36,503 --> 00:02:38,488
(Mysterious theme playing)
54
00:02:47,411 --> 00:02:50,279
Oh, my God. I hate myself.
55
00:02:50,289 --> 00:02:53,436
Oh, come on, man. These hoes are
pros, man, these skinny girls.
56
00:02:53,445 --> 00:02:55,490
Actually, all these poses are of girls
57
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,177
that are employees or former employees.
58
00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:59,172
Word?
59
00:02:59,182 --> 00:03:02,517
Oh, my God. So I'm guessing this is you.
60
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:06,398
Ha, ha, ha. It's from the spring 2014 line.
61
00:03:06,408 --> 00:03:08,690
Your ass is from the spring 2014 line?
62
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:12,670
- The sock, silly.
- Oh. I'll take that too.
63
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:15,956
(Mysterious theme playing)
64
00:03:29,057 --> 00:03:31,975
Hey there, doll face. I see you.
65
00:03:33,970 --> 00:03:35,975
Woman: What a weirdo.
66
00:03:35,985 --> 00:03:38,208
What?
67
00:03:39,339 --> 00:03:42,902
Okay. Let's get you in here.
68
00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:45,364
I'm sorry. Sorry.
69
00:03:45,374 --> 00:03:47,448
Yeah.
70
00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:50,366
Thought maybe you would
like a little privacy.
71
00:03:50,376 --> 00:03:54,445
Oh, pardon me, where are my mannerisms?
72
00:03:54,455 --> 00:03:57,294
My name is Kevin, and I help ghosts.
73
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,152
Even ghosts like you who
have taken up root in,
74
00:04:00,162 --> 00:04:01,710
let's be honest,
75
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,757
in extraordinarily
realistic vessels like this.
76
00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,911
You know like, 90 percent human basically.
77
00:04:06,921 --> 00:04:08,608
It's almost as if no one could fault a guy
78
00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:10,762
for getting confused and...
79
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:13,908
inserting myself into you.
80
00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:16,171
I just so happen I have
one of these pre-lubes,
81
00:04:16,181 --> 00:04:17,988
so you don't have to do any of the work.
82
00:04:17,998 --> 00:04:21,045
Lot of diseases out there.
83
00:04:21,054 --> 00:04:23,923
I just...
84
00:04:23,933 --> 00:04:25,848
Oh! Ah! Ha, ha, ha!
85
00:04:25,858 --> 00:04:27,833
Dude, what is your damage?
86
00:04:27,843 --> 00:04:30,027
I had to get you out of there
somehow. Look, it worked.
87
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:32,180
Wait, how... how can you hear me?
88
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:36,399
Like I said to your mannequin, I'm Kevin.
89
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,513
I help ghosts, all right?
So let's rap, let's jive.
90
00:04:38,523 --> 00:04:40,567
Tell what you're doing
here. What's your name?
91
00:04:40,577 --> 00:04:43,753
- Why are you haunting this store?
- My name is Alice.
92
00:04:43,763 --> 00:04:45,480
I was just a girl from Bumblefork, Iowa.
93
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,068
I moved to New York City
94
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:50,026
with big eyes and a small
waist and a medium-sized dream.
95
00:04:50,036 --> 00:04:51,842
I wanted to be a model.
96
00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:55,564
One day, the CEO of United
States of Apparel, Reed Kelly,
97
00:04:55,574 --> 00:04:56,924
came in while I was working.
98
00:04:56,934 --> 00:04:58,839
We started talking about tube tops,
99
00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:00,963
and he must've been really
interested in what I had to say
100
00:05:00,973 --> 00:05:02,492
because he asked me out.
101
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,745
I went out with him, just the two of us.
102
00:05:04,755 --> 00:05:06,402
And that's when it happened.
103
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:10,412
What? Oh. Oh, my God, did
he... did he murder you?
104
00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:13,935
Worse. He kept on telling
me how beautiful I was
105
00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:15,791
and how hot I was making him, and...
106
00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:19,503
Next thing I knew, I was
stripped down to my underwear
107
00:05:19,513 --> 00:05:20,794
and he was taking pictures of me.
108
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:23,513
Oh, my God, he exploitered you.
109
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,431
Just like he exploitered
every other girl in here.
110
00:05:26,441 --> 00:05:27,662
No.
111
00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:30,481
Those other girls, they got lucky.
112
00:05:30,491 --> 00:05:33,359
What do you mean? What did he do?
113
00:05:33,369 --> 00:05:35,314
He, uh...
114
00:05:35,324 --> 00:05:37,279
He...
115
00:05:37,289 --> 00:05:39,433
He didn't use my pictures.
116
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:41,587
He didn't...
117
00:05:41,597 --> 00:05:43,175
Uh, ex-squeeze me?
118
00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:45,031
Not on billboards, not in the store,
119
00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:48,653
not even in those pop-up ads
during words with friends.
120
00:05:52,306 --> 00:05:55,095
Calm down, calm down. I'm
here to help, remember?
121
00:05:56,087 --> 00:05:57,397
- You are?
- Yes.
122
00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:58,995
It sounds like a piece of cake.
123
00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:02,072
All I gotta do is meet with this CDO guy
124
00:06:02,082 --> 00:06:05,099
- and make him use these photos, right?
- Yeah.
125
00:06:05,109 --> 00:06:08,911
- But there's just one problem.
- What?
126
00:06:08,921 --> 00:06:10,568
Reed Kelly suffers from a debilitating case
127
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:13,089
of cacomorphobia.
128
00:06:13,099 --> 00:06:15,005
Oh, no. Oh, boy.
129
00:06:15,015 --> 00:06:17,903
Is that the irrational fear of cocoa puffs?
130
00:06:19,064 --> 00:06:21,079
Uh, no.
131
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,034
It's the fear of fat people.
132
00:06:23,044 --> 00:06:26,151
Fear of fat...
133
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,155
Sorry.
134
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:38,319
Cacomor...? It sounds like cockomorphobia.
135
00:06:38,329 --> 00:06:40,641
So it's not a fear of cocoa puffs,
136
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:43,093
it's a fear of those who
consume them irresponsibly.
137
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,753
Exactly. I have no idea how I
get a meeting with this guy.
138
00:06:45,763 --> 00:06:48,234
Look at me. How am I gonna
pass myself off as thin?
139
00:06:48,244 --> 00:06:50,288
I don't know, lose weight?
140
00:06:50,298 --> 00:06:52,283
Oh, get serious, Roofie. Come on.
141
00:06:52,293 --> 00:06:55,261
What about you? You're skinny.
You can talk to the CDO.
142
00:06:55,271 --> 00:06:58,715
Hey man, I would, but I
got priors with N'Cole.
143
00:06:58,725 --> 00:06:59,946
With N'Cole?
144
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,618
I knew it. I knew it, man.
145
00:07:03,628 --> 00:07:06,675
I mean, do you even know a guy who
can flip women's clothing into cash?
146
00:07:06,685 --> 00:07:09,156
Or am I just gonna have to wear
this stuff, like a fancy boy?
147
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:13,136
I'm sorry, Pac, but, man,
this bitch could be the one.
148
00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:15,885
You're really into this chick, huh?
149
00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:18,773
Almost. But she's all stressed
about this ghost thing.
150
00:07:18,783 --> 00:07:22,892
Actually, you solving this
could be major points for me.
151
00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:26,664
All right, all right, I will. I'll do it.
152
00:07:26,674 --> 00:07:29,086
I still have no idea how am
I gonna get into his office.
153
00:07:29,096 --> 00:07:32,738
I don't know, just, you know,
like, wear something slimming.
154
00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:34,723
Wear something slimming?
155
00:07:34,733 --> 00:07:36,549
Something that makes you look thinner.
156
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:39,606
You know what? I think
I have just the thing.
157
00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:47,586
(Upbeat theme playing)
158
00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:10,890
(Clears throat)
159
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,014
Can I help you?
160
00:08:14,443 --> 00:08:15,823
(Speaks French)
161
00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:17,153
I am Pierre L'Croissant,
162
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,108
the very famous French fashion mongrel.
163
00:08:19,118 --> 00:08:20,468
Perhaps you have heard of me.
164
00:08:20,478 --> 00:08:23,783
I am arrived to see Reed Kelly.
165
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,907
I'm sorry, if you don't
have an appointment,
166
00:08:25,917 --> 00:08:28,229
I can't let you in.
167
00:08:28,239 --> 00:08:30,056
Do you really think
that Pierre L'Croissant,
168
00:08:30,066 --> 00:08:31,445
the inventor of the cargo short,
169
00:08:31,455 --> 00:08:33,966
is accustomed to waiting
for an appointment?
170
00:08:33,976 --> 00:08:36,914
Do you really think you're
passing for three skinny people
171
00:08:36,924 --> 00:08:39,673
and not just one fat guy
with two fake black heads
172
00:08:39,683 --> 00:08:41,301
mounted on his shoulders?
173
00:08:43,325 --> 00:08:45,301
Touché.
174
00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:48,357
Okay, listen, I just need five
minutes of Mr. Kelly's time.
175
00:08:48,367 --> 00:08:51,672
It's about an employee who was
terrorizing one of his stores.
176
00:08:51,682 --> 00:08:54,223
It's a... it's a pretty young thing
177
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:57,578
he had may have an indiscretion with.
178
00:08:57,588 --> 00:08:59,841
I think he'll wanna hear about it.
179
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,766
Mr. Kelly, there's a
Pierre L'Croissant here
180
00:09:05,776 --> 00:09:07,989
to see you, says it's urgent.
181
00:09:07,999 --> 00:09:10,481
Quite fat, yeah.
182
00:09:11,979 --> 00:09:13,835
Okay.
183
00:09:16,654 --> 00:09:19,006
Thank you.
184
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,899
(Door buzzes open) Kelly: Mr. croissant.
185
00:09:23,909 --> 00:09:27,056
Mr. croissant, please, please come in.
186
00:09:27,065 --> 00:09:29,576
As a result of my involuntary repulsion
187
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:31,492
towards people of considerable girth,
188
00:09:31,502 --> 00:09:34,549
I will have to conduct this
meeting facing away from you.
189
00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,009
I completely understand, good
sir. The reason I'm here...
190
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,355
- Oh. Stop, stop, stop.
- What?
191
00:09:40,365 --> 00:09:41,943
- (Bleep) me.
- What?
192
00:09:41,953 --> 00:09:44,464
Even your voice sounds
fat. Look, do me a favor.
193
00:09:44,474 --> 00:09:48,444
Croissant, please there is
a helium tank to your right.
194
00:09:49,318 --> 00:09:51,362
- Yeah, the pink one?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
195
00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:54,240
I always keep it on deck.
I have an obese FedEx guy.
196
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,603
- Do me a favor, just give it a little toot.
- A little suck on this?
197
00:09:56,612 --> 00:09:58,320
Yeah, stop talking. Give it a little...
198
00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,729
Okay.
199
00:10:01,218 --> 00:10:04,136
(High voice): Ah. Okay, is that better?
200
00:10:06,121 --> 00:10:07,371
Much.
201
00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:10,091
- Okay.
- Thank you. I like that a lot.
202
00:10:10,101 --> 00:10:11,490
Anyway, you were saying?
203
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,445
Yes, I was saying that...
204
00:10:13,455 --> 00:10:16,224
I'm afraid one of your
stores is being haunted
205
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,745
by a former employee named Alice N.
206
00:10:18,755 --> 00:10:20,701
She's a little peeved
207
00:10:20,711 --> 00:10:23,321
because you took some
scandally type photos of her
208
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,981
and then didn't use any of them.
209
00:10:25,991 --> 00:10:27,172
(Sighs)
210
00:10:27,182 --> 00:10:30,020
Son of a bitch.
211
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,541
I knew this would come back
to bite me right in the dick.
212
00:10:32,551 --> 00:10:34,268
Yeah. I know the girl you're talking about.
213
00:10:34,278 --> 00:10:35,698
Yes, yes.
214
00:10:35,707 --> 00:10:37,911
Got me. Okay.
215
00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:40,372
And there's a reason,
a perfectly good reason
216
00:10:40,382 --> 00:10:42,060
that I did nothing with those photos.
217
00:10:42,069 --> 00:10:45,017
You see, I found out that
Allison was in fact...
218
00:10:46,149 --> 00:10:47,330
My daughter.
219
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:50,416
- What?
- Yeah.
220
00:10:50,426 --> 00:10:53,265
From a one-night stand, years ago.
221
00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:55,984
- In middle school.
- (Normal voice): Oh, my God.
222
00:10:55,994 --> 00:10:59,170
- Whoa, helium, helium. Helium.
- Yeah, I got it right here.
223
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,225
(Gags)
224
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:03,478
(High voice): Okay,
we're back to square one.
225
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:06,833
Oh, Jesus. Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry,
226
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:09,681
but there's no way I
could exploit my daughter.
227
00:11:09,691 --> 00:11:12,897
I mean, what kind of a
monster do you think I am?
228
00:11:12,907 --> 00:11:16,113
Well, I will certainly tell Alice N.
229
00:11:16,123 --> 00:11:17,770
She's gonna be a little disappointed.
230
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,368
Also, probably a little disturbed.
231
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:21,720
Okay, I'm sorry. Hold on.
232
00:11:21,730 --> 00:11:23,209
Why do you keep saying her name that way?
233
00:11:23,219 --> 00:11:26,891
What? Oh, Alice N?
Because I know two Alices,
234
00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:29,045
and this is how I keep
them different in my head.
235
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:33,293
This one is called Alice N,
like new Alice, Alice New.
236
00:11:33,303 --> 00:11:36,042
- The other is Alice O for old...
- Okay, hold on.
237
00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:37,700
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
238
00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,853
I got it. Ha, ha, ha.
239
00:11:39,863 --> 00:11:42,771
Wait a minute. Holy shit.
240
00:11:42,781 --> 00:11:46,652
Wait a second. I thought
you were saying Allison.
241
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,776
- No. Alice...
- Yes. Can you understand
242
00:11:48,786 --> 00:11:50,533
why I thought you were saying Allison?
243
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,587
- Because when you say Alice N,
- Alice N, yeah.
244
00:11:52,597 --> 00:11:53,818
It sounds like Allison.
245
00:11:53,828 --> 00:11:56,796
- Oh, I guess so.
- Okay. This Alice girl.
246
00:11:56,806 --> 00:11:59,624
This Alice "N", okay?
247
00:11:59,634 --> 00:12:02,800
I don't... I don't know
who... that's not my daughter.
248
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,994
No. Uh-uh. No, no, no.
249
00:12:05,004 --> 00:12:08,339
She's probably just some
girl from Bumble ( ), Iowa.
250
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:11,654
- Uh, it's Bumblefork.
- Whatever. Don't correct me.
251
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,740
Anyway, I will totally
exploit this Alice girl.
252
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,666
Fantastic. Yeah.
253
00:12:16,676 --> 00:12:20,646
That is great news. Uh, but
what about your daughter?
254
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,700
The other Allison?
255
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:24,596
Let's just forget about her.
256
00:12:25,757 --> 00:12:27,881
(Mysterious theme playing)
257
00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:31,881
- These are the photos from Reed.
- Alice: Fat.
258
00:12:31,891 --> 00:12:34,372
Fat. F.U.P.A.
259
00:12:34,382 --> 00:12:35,861
Fat.
260
00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:37,518
Bloated earlobe.
261
00:12:37,528 --> 00:12:39,474
Melon groove.
262
00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,233
Look at these rolls of fat on my side here.
263
00:12:42,243 --> 00:12:43,553
Those are ribs.
264
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,151
Are these really all of them?
265
00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:47,503
I think you look
super-duper skinny in these.
266
00:12:47,513 --> 00:12:49,061
Well, compared to you, maybe.
267
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,681
You're like one big human carbohydrate.
268
00:12:51,691 --> 00:12:55,661
Hey. I happen to love my
body for what it is, okay?
269
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,557
- Well, aren't you lucky?
- Yes.
270
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:01,229
What the hell?
271
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,482
Roofie? Are those kitty
cats in your underwear?
272
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:06,569
Yo, what the hell? I thought you
was dealing with the haunting.
273
00:13:06,579 --> 00:13:10,380
I tried, I tried. There is
just no pleasing this ghost.
274
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,405
She has got major body issues.
275
00:13:12,415 --> 00:13:14,390
She doesn't even have a body anymore.
276
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,187
Look, please don't let me down, man.
277
00:13:16,197 --> 00:13:18,410
N'Cole got some melon grooves
a dude could get lost in.
278
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,690
I wanna help you with that, but I can't.
279
00:13:20,691 --> 00:13:24,841
- Hey, Please finish this, all right?
- Yeah, okay.
280
00:13:24,851 --> 00:13:25,892
Uhh.
281
00:13:25,893 --> 00:13:27,988
(Sobbing)
282
00:13:29,010 --> 00:13:30,657
Hey, hey, hey.
283
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:33,347
Hey, girl.
284
00:13:33,357 --> 00:13:36,364
Listen, I was thinking we
could take those pictures
285
00:13:36,374 --> 00:13:39,291
and photoshop them to make you
look as skinny as you want.
286
00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:41,168
No, that would be cheating.
287
00:13:41,178 --> 00:13:43,163
I mean, those photos are supposed to show
288
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:45,813
my hard w ork and dedication to...
289
00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:47,739
Oh, my God. I'm such an idiot.
290
00:13:47,748 --> 00:13:49,922
Wait. Okay, those photos from the boat,
291
00:13:49,932 --> 00:13:52,145
those were taken before my tapeworm diet.
292
00:13:52,155 --> 00:13:53,634
Before your what?
293
00:13:53,644 --> 00:13:54,994
A few weeks after the photo-bang,
294
00:13:55,004 --> 00:13:57,852
I went down to Mexico
and ingested a tapeworm.
295
00:13:57,862 --> 00:14:00,175
For months, I could eat whatever
I wanted and still lose weight.
296
00:14:00,185 --> 00:14:02,924
I paid a pretty peso for it,
but it was totally worth it,
297
00:14:02,934 --> 00:14:05,614
- until it finally killed me.
- Yeah.
298
00:14:05,624 --> 00:14:07,867
Someone should probably put
a warning on those things.
299
00:14:07,877 --> 00:14:09,584
- I know.
- Anyway,
300
00:14:09,594 --> 00:14:10,844
what are you telling me this for?
301
00:14:10,854 --> 00:14:12,030
Don't you see?
302
00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:14,596
I mean, right before I died,
I was at my ideal body weight,
303
00:14:14,606 --> 00:14:16,521
but I don't have any pictures of it.
304
00:14:16,531 --> 00:14:17,980
Not even a little selfie?
305
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,531
No, I was too weak to lift the camera.
306
00:14:20,541 --> 00:14:25,335
Okay. I'm not gonna go dig up your corpse
307
00:14:25,345 --> 00:14:27,092
and take creepy pictures of it.
308
00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,017
- No, of course not.
- Okay, good because...
309
00:14:29,027 --> 00:14:32,272
- No, those pictures should be sexy.
- Yes. A... wait, what?
310
00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,496
Sexy, but tasteful.
311
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:36,818
Oh.
312
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,823
(Dramatic theme playing)
313
00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:47,587
Roofie: The things we do for pa-chank.
314
00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:49,483
Kevin: Oh, the things you do for pa-chank.
315
00:14:49,493 --> 00:14:51,597
I'm doing this for
ill-fitting women's clothing.
316
00:14:51,607 --> 00:14:53,562
From last season, no less.
317
00:14:53,572 --> 00:14:55,874
What happened to the
advice about the principle?
318
00:14:55,884 --> 00:14:57,740
Never going out of your
way to impress a femmie?
319
00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:00,390
We're about to dig up a
grave so you can get laid.
320
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,537
Roofie: The principle applies,
okay? It's just complicated.
321
00:15:03,546 --> 00:15:06,494
You gotta get a girl to
a tipping point, right?
322
00:15:06,504 --> 00:15:08,807
And you gotta do whatever
to push her over the edge.
323
00:15:08,817 --> 00:15:11,229
You sound like a real Reed Kelly right now.
324
00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,124
- Reed Kelly?
- Yeah. You're exploitering me.
325
00:15:13,134 --> 00:15:14,613
What? You think I wanna be here?
326
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,697
What? Oh, I don't know.
You tell me, exploiterer.
327
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,585
- Let's just get this over with.
- Yeah.
328
00:15:19,595 --> 00:15:21,590
(Dramatic theme playing)
329
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,285
Roofie: Yo, man, I'm freaked out, man.
330
00:15:26,295 --> 00:15:28,012
I'm, like, wondering what's under here,
331
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:30,563
like it's a model dead
chick that's gonna pop up
332
00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:31,992
like tales from the crypt, like
333
00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:33,411
(Cackles)
334
00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:35,575
What? No. She's only
been dead for two weeks.
335
00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:39,118
Probably an embalmed body
takes months to decompose.
336
00:15:39,128 --> 00:15:40,944
How do you even know that?
337
00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:44,160
Because, Roofie, I know some
stuff about some stuff, okay?
338
00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:48,140
I don't ask you how much a
quarter pound of weed weighs.
339
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,921
- (Shovel hits casket)
- Look. This is it.
340
00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:53,916
(Suspenseful theme playing)
341
00:16:03,107 --> 00:16:04,298
Okay.
342
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:08,129
- Good. You ready?
- Yeah.
343
00:16:08,139 --> 00:16:10,154
All right, on the count of 30.
344
00:16:10,164 --> 00:16:12,079
One...
345
00:16:12,089 --> 00:16:13,638
- Two...
- Come on, man.
346
00:16:13,648 --> 00:16:15,325
What? All right, okay.
347
00:16:15,335 --> 00:16:17,915
(Both gasp)
348
00:16:17,925 --> 00:16:19,811
- She looks like a damn corpse.
- Beautiful.
349
00:16:22,034 --> 00:16:24,645
She was a handsome lady.
350
00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:27,563
So, what should I do? Should I,
like, try and make her smile?
351
00:16:27,572 --> 00:16:29,770
No, give her the duck lips
like everybody got on.
352
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:33,895
Oh. Oh, good. Good call.
353
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,155
Roofie: Ooh.
354
00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:37,547
- Oh!
- Aw, nuts, I think I broke her jaw.
355
00:16:37,557 --> 00:16:39,105
- What's the matter with you?
- I don't know.
356
00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:41,855
My weight just shifted. I...
let me see if I can fix it.
357
00:16:41,865 --> 00:16:45,110
- Oh, no, it's okay.
- Dislocation. Just fix it, fix it.
358
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,165
All right. I got it.
359
00:16:47,175 --> 00:16:50,083
There we go.
360
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,601
What is that?
361
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:56,048
- (Hissing)
- (Both screaming)
362
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,546
Goddamn it.
363
00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:00,861
- Oh, my God.
- Kill it, kill it, kill it!
364
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:03,938
- Die!
- Kill it! Kill it!
365
00:17:03,948 --> 00:17:05,893
Oh, it's the Mexican
tapeworm from the diet.
366
00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:08,653
It's Medusa's cousin.
367
00:17:08,662 --> 00:17:10,707
Okay, get the picture, get the picture.
368
00:17:10,717 --> 00:17:13,655
- Oh! God! So gross.
- I'm gonna get the picture.
369
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,344
(Both screaming)
370
00:17:16,354 --> 00:17:17,903
Kevin: Did you get it? Did you get it?
371
00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,987
- Roofie: I got it.
- Kevin: Oh, good.
372
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,806
- Alice: You're kidding me, right?
- What do you mean?
373
00:17:22,816 --> 00:17:24,404
You look so thin.
374
00:17:24,414 --> 00:17:27,649
- Yo, what's she saying?
- Hold on.
375
00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:29,207
Look at my hair and make-up in these.
376
00:17:29,217 --> 00:17:31,331
I mean, what, was I styled by a mortician?
377
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,614
- Well, yeah.
- Not to mention
378
00:17:33,624 --> 00:17:35,579
I'm not wearing United
States of Apparel in these.
379
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,336
They'll never put them up on the wall.
380
00:17:37,346 --> 00:17:38,855
That was the whole point of this, remember?
381
00:17:38,865 --> 00:17:40,780
I do, I do.
382
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:44,760
She's upset about the hair and
makeup and clothing choices.
383
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:48,403
So she want us to go back to the
cemetery, re-exhume her body,
384
00:17:48,412 --> 00:17:50,527
and go all extreme makeover on her ass?
385
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,254
(Both laugh)
386
00:17:52,263 --> 00:17:55,102
Wait, wait, wait. That's
actually a good idea.
387
00:17:55,112 --> 00:17:57,097
- Huh?
- A makeover?
388
00:17:57,107 --> 00:17:58,496
Roofie: Wait, what?
389
00:18:02,476 --> 00:18:04,461
(Upbeat theme playing)
390
00:18:19,885 --> 00:18:21,840
(Inaudible dialogue)
391
00:18:43,824 --> 00:18:45,909
- I don't know.
- You don't know?
392
00:18:45,919 --> 00:18:47,765
- What don't you know?
- Girl: Mommy, look.
393
00:18:47,775 --> 00:18:50,425
I wanna look just like
that girl when I grow up.
394
00:18:52,777 --> 00:18:54,792
Did you hear that little girl?
395
00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,320
What, the one that wants to grow up
396
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,841
and look like a malnourished
corpse? Yeah, I heard her.
397
00:18:58,851 --> 00:19:02,255
My whole life, I've been
taught by magazines and movies
398
00:19:02,265 --> 00:19:05,273
that being thin was what
made me worth anything.
399
00:19:05,282 --> 00:19:08,756
That girl might develop an
eating disorder because of me.
400
00:19:08,766 --> 00:19:10,712
It's me. I'm part of the problem.
401
00:19:10,721 --> 00:19:13,828
Which means...
402
00:19:13,838 --> 00:19:16,776
That I'm finally a real model.
403
00:19:16,786 --> 00:19:18,205
(Alice laughs)
404
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:21,123
Yeah, that's it, that's what that means.
405
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:22,959
Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
406
00:19:27,028 --> 00:19:28,845
- Yes.
- That's how you do it.
407
00:19:28,855 --> 00:19:31,743
- Now I can roll around and...
- N'Cole: Hey!
408
00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:35,018
What the hell's all of this?
409
00:19:35,028 --> 00:19:37,003
Another ghost case solved, honey melon.
410
00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:38,532
It was easy. All we had to do
411
00:19:38,542 --> 00:19:40,358
was convince Kelly to put up these photos.
412
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,869
Yeah, and he put it up over mine.
413
00:19:42,879 --> 00:19:45,390
We through, Roofie. And you,
414
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,087
you're not getting that
leftover merchandise.
415
00:19:47,097 --> 00:19:50,471
- Oh, come on. Damn it.
- This is...
416
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,387
I thought you didn't want the merchandise.
417
00:19:52,397 --> 00:19:55,543
I didn't want the merchandise.
But now that I can't have it,
418
00:19:55,553 --> 00:19:56,734
all I can think about is the...
419
00:19:56,744 --> 00:19:58,422
- The principle.
- See?
420
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,881
- It does play.
- See?
421
00:19:59,890 --> 00:20:02,669
- I get it now. I see it crystal clear.
- Crystal clear.
422
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,694
- Gotta give you credit, man.
- Hey.
423
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,781
Does kind of suck we didn't
get anything from today though.
424
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:11,552
Hm. I mean, we got to...
the facial was good.
425
00:20:11,562 --> 00:20:13,250
The makeover thing, that was kind of cool.
426
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:15,374
The cucumbers and...
427
00:20:15,384 --> 00:20:17,895
Uh, the baseball game was pretty good.
428
00:20:17,905 --> 00:20:20,545
- What day are you talking about?
- Oh. Never mind.
429
00:20:20,555 --> 00:20:22,470
That's another day. You're
talking about today.
430
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,088
- Today.
- Today was good. Yeah.
431
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,182
- Let's get manis and pedis.
- Yeah, I'm starving.
432
00:20:33,269 --> 00:20:36,316
I wonder if I have body issues.
433
00:20:36,326 --> 00:20:38,995
I don't think so.
434
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,149
You definitely have body
issues, little buddy.
435
00:20:41,159 --> 00:20:42,539
(Laughs)
436
00:20:42,549 --> 00:20:45,586
Look at you, you got such a weird body.
437
00:20:45,596 --> 00:20:48,275
Well, I think maybe we
should do a little acid
438
00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:52,087
and reward ourselves for a
job well done. I think so.
439
00:20:52,097 --> 00:20:54,479
Down the hatch. Ohh.
440
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,831
Hey, excuse me, Holmes?
441
00:21:00,841 --> 00:21:02,826
(Mysterious theme playing)
442
00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:08,185
Oh, come on. What are you?
The ghost of the tapeworm?
443
00:21:08,195 --> 00:21:10,170
Well, I'm out of here. Come on, man.
444
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:13,247
I'm just trying to get home
to see mi familia in Mexico.
445
00:21:13,257 --> 00:21:16,095
No, no, I'm not dealing with this.
446
00:21:16,105 --> 00:21:17,584
I got a head full of acid.
447
00:21:17,594 --> 00:21:19,609
Oh, come on, man, I can pay you.
448
00:21:19,619 --> 00:21:21,763
I can pay you real good.
449
00:21:21,773 --> 00:21:23,847
- Oh.
- Let's go, man.
450
00:21:23,857 --> 00:21:26,060
I can't move on till I know they're okay.
451
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:28,224
Come on, cholo. Arriba.
452
00:21:31,211 --> 00:21:33,196
(Latin dance theme playing)
453
00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:39,449
(Ghost speaking Spanish)
454
00:21:43,459 --> 00:21:44,650
(Cries)
455
00:21:48,431 --> 00:21:50,982
(Ghost speaking Spanish)
456
00:21:58,595 --> 00:22:00,916
Aah!
456
00:22:01,305 --> 00:22:07,422
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