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1
00:00:07,569 --> 00:00:09,706
Sue: See? You were right.
That Pacalioglu guy
2
00:00:09,707 --> 00:00:12,311
was there the day before your séance.
3
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,214
- I knew it!
- But there's more.
4
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,385
Right when they entered the gallery,
5
00:00:16,386 --> 00:00:18,623
the camera stops recording.
6
00:00:18,624 --> 00:00:21,495
That must have been when they
tampered the lights bulbs.
7
00:00:21,496 --> 00:00:23,398
What else do we know about this guy?
8
00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:25,702
It seems he's fashioned
himself a little ghost hut
9
00:00:25,703 --> 00:00:28,575
out of an abandoned newsstand.
10
00:00:28,576 --> 00:00:31,513
What are you scheming?
11
00:00:31,514 --> 00:00:35,188
What's going on inside
that chubby brain of yours?
12
00:00:37,526 --> 00:00:40,363
(Alarm buzzing)
13
00:00:40,364 --> 00:00:42,734
Yes! Three hours without moving!
14
00:00:42,735 --> 00:00:46,241
A new record! P.R. it all over the place.
15
00:00:46,242 --> 00:00:49,014
To the victor go the spoils.
16
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:51,652
Oh, what...?
17
00:00:53,156 --> 00:00:55,594
- Aah! Oh, God!
- Aah!
18
00:01:03,174 --> 00:01:07,181
Hey, buddy. What are you supposed to be?
19
00:01:07,182 --> 00:01:09,285
You're like a little blob creature?
20
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:11,188
- Chips.
- Kevin: No. No, no.
21
00:01:11,189 --> 00:01:12,825
This is living people food.
22
00:01:12,826 --> 00:01:14,561
- It won't take.
- Please?
23
00:01:14,562 --> 00:01:18,067
Oh, cute. Okay, fine. Fine. Here.
24
00:01:18,068 --> 00:01:20,205
Yay!
25
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:21,808
(Munching)
26
00:01:21,809 --> 00:01:25,348
Whoa! How are you eating that?
27
00:01:25,349 --> 00:01:26,717
Bye.
28
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:28,186
Oh! Hey, no!
29
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:30,157
Get back here, you little scamp!
30
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:33,831
Come on... Aw! I was eating those.
31
00:01:35,669 --> 00:01:38,306
I don't believe that guy.
32
00:01:40,845 --> 00:01:43,449
(Coughing): Oh, God!
33
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:46,154
Excuse me. Hi, there.
34
00:01:46,155 --> 00:01:47,791
Oh, hi, there. Oh.
35
00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:49,460
I thought these were classics.
36
00:01:49,461 --> 00:01:50,796
But they're flaming hot.
37
00:01:50,797 --> 00:01:52,666
(Coughing) Ooh!
38
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:56,139
Oh, God. Oh.
39
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:58,210
Okay, I'm sorry. Okay.
40
00:01:58,211 --> 00:02:00,247
Here we go. Ahem.
41
00:02:00,248 --> 00:02:02,452
Under control. How can I help you?
42
00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:04,521
Well, it says here that
you deal with ghosts.
43
00:02:04,522 --> 00:02:07,694
Is that real or is that like a joke?
44
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:09,865
No, that's real. Why, is it funny?
45
00:02:09,866 --> 00:02:12,103
No, no. And I know funny.
46
00:02:12,104 --> 00:02:15,342
I'm Darcy Baldo. I own the
Big Apple Comedy Shack.
47
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,780
Oh, my God. That is my favorite
comedy club in New York.
48
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:19,884
All right! I've never seen the stand-up
49
00:02:19,885 --> 00:02:21,653
but the chili cheeseburgers are fantastic.
50
00:02:21,654 --> 00:02:24,292
Well, we have the same
chef as the Laugh Factory.
51
00:02:24,293 --> 00:02:26,463
I know. Ha-ha!
52
00:02:26,464 --> 00:02:29,602
Here's the deal. I think
my club is haunted.
53
00:02:29,603 --> 00:02:31,739
Oh. The weirdness only happens
54
00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:33,777
really late at night after I close down.
55
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,883
So I was wondering if you
could come by and maybe
56
00:02:36,884 --> 00:02:39,220
- check it out?
- Yeah. I could swing that.
57
00:02:39,221 --> 00:02:41,691
Oh, fantastic! Great.
You don't, by any chance,
58
00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:43,662
charge extra for late-night gigs, do you?
59
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,400
I hadn't actually ever thought of that.
60
00:02:46,401 --> 00:02:48,538
- Uh, good idea. Can I?
- Ah.
61
00:02:48,539 --> 00:02:50,842
No. Just forget I mentioned that.
62
00:02:50,843 --> 00:02:52,679
- Bad idea.
- Yeah.
63
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,582
- Forgotten.
- Great.
64
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,286
So I'll see you later tonight.
65
00:02:56,287 --> 00:02:57,389
For what?
66
00:03:00,127 --> 00:03:02,198
(Mysterious theme playing)
67
00:03:06,606 --> 00:03:08,844
(Rock theme playing)
68
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
69
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:33,000
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
70
00:03:33,290 --> 00:03:36,394
(Upbeat theme playing)
71
00:03:36,395 --> 00:03:39,634
Roofie: No, no, $50 to see.
72
00:03:39,635 --> 00:03:41,203
- I'm giving you 45.
- Fifty.
73
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:43,576
- It's 45. Take it.
- (Groans)
74
00:03:49,787 --> 00:03:51,255
Isn't that...?
75
00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:53,326
That's my new client, Anal Bead.
76
00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:55,664
- He loves dope.
- Oh.
77
00:03:55,665 --> 00:03:57,501
(Muttering)
78
00:03:57,502 --> 00:03:59,237
- How you doin', Pac?
- Good.
79
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,640
How's business?
80
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,943
Everything's great. Can't complain.
81
00:04:01,944 --> 00:04:04,914
I have a gig tonight at a comedy club.
82
00:04:04,915 --> 00:04:07,620
It's an all-night thing. I was
wondering if you have uppers.
83
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:10,725
Oh. So I'm assuming I'll
put this on your tab?
84
00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:13,264
Yeah, or you could put it on my hand.
85
00:04:13,265 --> 00:04:15,501
(Both chuckle)
86
00:04:15,502 --> 00:04:17,404
Yo, just be careful with that stuff, man.
87
00:04:17,405 --> 00:04:18,975
You know how you get.
88
00:04:18,976 --> 00:04:22,449
(Mysterious theme playing)
89
00:04:24,453 --> 00:04:27,457
Okay. All right, might as
well get comfortable, huh?
90
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:30,396
Sometimes these ghosts can take
their sweet-ass time showing up.
91
00:04:30,397 --> 00:04:32,767
Know what I mean, know what
I mean, know what I mean?
92
00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:35,338
So why don't we rap, huh? What's your name?
93
00:04:35,339 --> 00:04:37,209
We covered that. It's Darcy, isn't it?
94
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,878
Is it Darcy, is it D'arcy?
95
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,216
- No, it's just Darcy.
- Just Darcy, all right.
96
00:04:41,217 --> 00:04:43,487
What's your zodiac sign? Any
pets? What're their signs?
97
00:04:43,488 --> 00:04:45,424
How many men have you slept with?
98
00:04:45,425 --> 00:04:48,530
- Just lock up when you leave.
- Can do. Can do.
99
00:04:48,531 --> 00:04:49,832
- Okay. All right.
- Eee!
100
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,771
Ugh!
101
00:04:54,542 --> 00:04:56,779
(Imitating guitar solo)
102
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:59,483
Unh! Wow.
103
00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:02,590
(Mellow theme playing)
104
00:05:03,990 --> 00:05:06,130
(Voices chattering)
105
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:13,169
Man: Ladies and gentlemen, would
you please welcome to the stage,
106
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:14,939
Buddy Silvers.
107
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,149
- Ha-ha-ha! Hi.
- (Audience applauds)
108
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,019
Buddy: Thank you. Thank you.
109
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:20,489
Thank you, ladies and
gentlemen. Thank you very much.
110
00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,259
And thank you especially.
111
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:23,959
My wife was the romantic
one in our relationship.
112
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,560
I have to say she said,
"Buddy, listen to me.
113
00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:28,699
"When we die, I want us
to come back us ghosts
114
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:32,109
and haunt the place where
we had our first date."
115
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:34,209
I said, "honey, I sold that car years ago."
116
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:35,749
(Audience laughs)
117
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:38,089
Buddy: We'll just do our
date, let me tell you.
118
00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:39,719
I finally figured out the
secret to a happy marriage.
119
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,990
- One of you has to die, huh?
- (Laughing)
120
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,399
My wife wasn't much of a
cook, you know what I mean?
121
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,569
But she did have a tuna
casserole that was to die for.
122
00:05:47,570 --> 00:05:50,339
I found out the hard way.
123
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:51,740
How do you think I got here?
124
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:54,049
Thank you very much. Thank you, everybody.
125
00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:56,289
I'm Buddy Silvers. I will be here all week.
126
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:57,659
And the next week and the week after that.
127
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,289
- I'll be here for eternity.
- (Laughing)
128
00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:01,329
Good night, everybody. Thank you.
129
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,369
Oh!
130
00:06:03,370 --> 00:06:06,539
It's funny because it's true.
131
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,380
Oh-ho. Hey, thanks, Jim. Oh, yeah.
132
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,489
Hi, uh, Buddy?
133
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,589
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you
134
00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:20,199
but I wanted to come over and
tell you that that was really,
135
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,139
- really something.
- You kidding? The crowd was dead.
136
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:26,039
Thank you very much. (Laughs)
137
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,179
That guy never takes a break, huh?
138
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,579
So listen, do you mind if I sit down?
139
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:32,289
- Suit yourself.
- Thanks.
140
00:06:32,290 --> 00:06:35,359
My name is Kevin Pacalioglu
and I'm actually a medium.
141
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,229
I'm here to help you move on.
142
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,469
You have to have something,
some unfinished business,
143
00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:42,369
or you wouldn't be
trapped here every night.
144
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:43,679
- Trapped?
- Yeah.
145
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,509
Are you kidding? It's a great gig.
146
00:06:45,510 --> 00:06:47,549
I'm only here every
night because I wanna be.
147
00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:49,449
And besides, you know,
148
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:52,259
being a ghost is better
than what's waiting for me
149
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:54,599
on the other side of that
light, I'll tell you that.
150
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,769
- And what's that?
- My wife.
151
00:06:56,770 --> 00:06:59,400
That wasn't a joke.
152
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:02,039
Seriously, she scares the hell out of me.
153
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,610
So you just don't want to move on?
154
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:07,120
I'm having the time of my afterlife here.
155
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,969
Darcy: So how did it go?
156
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:17,509
Your ghost is a former
comedian named Buddy Silvers.
157
00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:20,379
He does this bit about his wife.
158
00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:23,819
(Laughing): He's so good.
159
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:25,759
It's coming non-stop.
160
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,729
Yeah, I remember a Buddy Silvers.
161
00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:30,730
He was a headliner up in the
Catskills back in the '60s.
162
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:33,669
Well, now he's a deadliner
here at your club.
163
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:37,509
First ghost I've ever met that
didn't want my help, though.
164
00:07:37,510 --> 00:07:39,819
You're gonna figure out
something, though, right?
165
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,059
- No. Yes. Not. I will.
- No? Okay.
166
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,629
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, do you have a plan?
167
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,669
Well, not totally. Uh, I have to go.
168
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:50,709
I left my newsstand open. I
think I have a blob problem.
169
00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:52,709
(Chuckles)
170
00:07:52,710 --> 00:07:53,880
I gotta go. I gotta go.
171
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,989
Oh, no! No, no, no! Get out of here!
172
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:01,489
Come on! Oh, look at this mess.
173
00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:05,629
Oh, man! Like... thank you very much!
174
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:08,469
- Uh, Camomile White? Hi.
- Mm-hmm.
175
00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:10,139
To whom do I owe
176
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:12,209
this extraordinary honor
and how much do I owe?
177
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:15,589
Save the idiot routine for your customers.
178
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,019
I know you were at the gallery
the day before the séance.
179
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:20,959
And I know you turned
off the security cameras.
180
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,599
And I'm assuming that's when you did
181
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,169
whatever you did to the light bulbs.
182
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,169
I don't presume to know
what any of that means.
183
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,740
Let's stop skirting around
the issue, shall we?
184
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,549
You tell me your trick
and I'll tell you mine.
185
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:33,449
Why don't we start with this newsstand?
186
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,519
- Oh, yeah. This old boy.
- Yeah.
187
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,859
Me and Roofie... my friend. We thought,
188
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,729
maybe it would help me drum
up a little more business.
189
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,499
It's just a silly little
idea but with some hard work
190
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,039
and a little luck, maybe I can
be the next Camomile White,
191
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,540
except, you know, for real.
192
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,919
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot.
193
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,989
Maybe.
194
00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:55,929
Would you like to go out sometime?
195
00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:58,899
That's not what I thought
you were gonna say.
196
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,939
You want to take my
number? Do you have a pen?
197
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,879
Yes.
198
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,579
Oh, I have this. Will this work?
199
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,849
- Sure. Hand.
- Okay.
200
00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:09,989
Oh.
201
00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:11,219
(Groaning) Call me...
202
00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:13,929
when you want to...
203
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:15,599
aah!
204
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,999
Play. Okay.
205
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,240
Yeah? Call me.
206
00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:25,819
Roofie: Why are you even going
out with this woman, man?
207
00:09:25,820 --> 00:09:27,689
She caused you so much trouble.
208
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,059
Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
209
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,899
But if she's this incredibly mean to me
210
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,260
and I still wanna have sex with her,
211
00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:35,839
that's gotta be true love, Roof.
212
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,169
Even if I'm wrong and I hate her,
213
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:39,739
I'm sure that I still
wanna have sex with her.
214
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:42,249
Okay. But one problem.
215
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:44,649
Camomile White is a woman
of expensive tastes.
216
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,859
How'd you expect to pay for this?
217
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:48,559
Ah, shart. I have to finish
this comedy club gig.
218
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,599
What's the problem?
219
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,569
It's this ghost comedian.
He just won't leave.
220
00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:55,069
Okay, so why don't you get a ghost heckler?
221
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,709
No, Roofie. You don't understand
222
00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:59,609
the level of comedic genius
I'm dealing with here.
223
00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:01,849
This guy would destroy a heckler.
224
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:04,219
Hmm.
225
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:07,090
So, why don't you just find
the worst audience ever?
226
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:10,630
Drunk, rowdy, uninhibited idiots
227
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,869
who not only won't get his jokes,
228
00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,640
but they want all the
attention on themselves.
229
00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:23,559
(Chuckles)
230
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,959
Kevin: Ladies, nonstop prog.
Real bachelorette party.
231
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,699
Who wants to see a show?
232
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,800
Did somebody say they
want to see a show? Huh?
233
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:31,109
(Women cheering)
234
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,309
Hey, how are you doing out there?
235
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,979
(Screaming) Whoo!
236
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:37,689
What an attractive audience.
A battered women's shelter?
237
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:40,219
We're a bachelorette party!
238
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,890
Oh, bachelorette party, huh?
239
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:45,029
Who's the bride-to-be, huh?
240
00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:47,839
Right here. Me. It's me.
241
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,779
You? Wow! You landed a husband?
242
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,680
What are you, rich?
243
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,919
All right. Marriage is
a terrific institution.
244
00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,290
I myself, I only slept with
one woman for 25 years.
245
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,999
And then my wife found out.
246
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,899
(Kevin laughing)
247
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,839
Hey, hey. Heh-heh. All right!
248
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,809
You know what? Obviously, this...
249
00:11:07,810 --> 00:11:10,109
this didn't work. Everyone out. Let's go.
250
00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:12,849
Hey! This is my bachelorette party,
251
00:11:12,850 --> 00:11:16,019
and we're not leaving until we see
252
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:19,099
- some hot damn man-flesh!
- (Women cheer)
253
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,599
Oh!
254
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,799
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
255
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,839
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. Ladies, ladies.
256
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,609
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
257
00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:29,749
You're worse than my in-laws
at Thanksgiving dinner.
258
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:33,019
See me at Dangerfield's from now on.
259
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:35,329
I don't need this.
260
00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:37,799
It actually worked. Huh!
261
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,099
(Chanting): Stripper! Stripper!
262
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,979
Oh! Come on, who threw that? Was that you?
263
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:46,879
You're a troublemaker. I can see it.
264
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,749
- What the hell happened in here?
- Huh? Oh.
265
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,889
Uh, nothing. I had to bring in a few cats
266
00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:53,799
to get rid of the mouse.
267
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,869
I don't know what you're talking
about, but you listen to me.
268
00:11:56,870 --> 00:12:00,809
Mr. Tim Allen is performing here tonight
269
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:03,409
and he hates ghosts, okay?
270
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:07,319
If you don't fix this, you
are so not getting paid!
271
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,089
- Oh, no, no.
- Oh, no.
272
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,159
I need you to pay me because
I need the money for my date.
273
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,029
For my probably soulmate Camomile.
274
00:12:13,030 --> 00:12:14,769
I don't care about your date!
275
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,909
The only thing I care about
right now is Tim Allen.
276
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:20,309
You fix whatever ghost
stuff is happening here.
277
00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:22,249
- Yes.
- Fix it!
278
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:24,149
Okay.
279
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:27,290
(Women Chanting): Stripper!
Stripper! Stripper!
280
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,009
All right, ladies, you don't
have to go into the light,
281
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,449
but you can't stay here!
282
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,919
Ain't that right, officer Billy Club?
283
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,320
(Cheering)
284
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,299
(Kevin laughs)
285
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,529
Get this music on for you.
286
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,569
(Pop music playing)
287
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,780
All right!
288
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,789
Whoo-hoo!
289
00:12:55,790 --> 00:12:57,289
(Women screaming)
290
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,829
Yeah, he's got a gun, look out!
291
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:01,599
Check out his gun, ladies!
292
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,469
(Women cheering)
293
00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:07,609
Nice, right?
294
00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:09,709
Whoa! Ha-ha!
295
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:12,049
- Show that junk!
- Show that junk!
296
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:14,959
Oh, they, uh, want you to show them
297
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,989
your, uh, member.
298
00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:18,559
(Chuckles)
299
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:22,560
They? I mean me. I call me "they."
300
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,979
Oh, come on, buddy,
this isn't my first time
301
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:29,549
dancing for a bachelorette fetishist.
302
00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:32,759
No, I'm telling you there's
a bachelorette party
303
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,289
going on right behind
you. Right behind you.
304
00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:37,460
- Whoa!
- You're a little weirdo, huh?
305
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:39,430
I know. Yeah.
306
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,440
- There's girls right there.
- How come I can't see them?
307
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,449
Because they're all dead. They're all dead.
308
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,549
(Dramatic theme playing)
309
00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:50,389
You sick prick!
310
00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,589
Oh! Whoa, don't shoot! Don't shoot!
311
00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:56,569
- Wait. Is that a prop gun?
- Uh...
312
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,809
It's just... it's just girls!
Officer Billy Club, come on!
313
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:02,340
Hey, where did the man-flesh go?
314
00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:04,919
What kind of bachelorette party is this?
315
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,059
I don't know. Can't we just
drink some cosmopolitans
316
00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:10,089
and play a game of pin
the dick on the donkey?
317
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:13,469
No! We got on that bus,
and we had a vision.
318
00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:16,339
And that vision was of a
big, throbbing phallus.
319
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,570
And we are not going anywhere
until we see some male dick!
320
00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:21,810
Okay, fine. You guys want to
see a dick and you'll leave?
321
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,819
Yeah! Please.
322
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,859
I said, you guys wanna see
some dick and you'll leave?
323
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,929
(All cheer)
324
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:29,929
All right, I'm gonna go
find the first guy I see,
325
00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:31,799
bring him in here and
make you show his dick.
326
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,840
(Clothes ripping)
327
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,719
Ghost bride: Whoa.
328
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,700
Oh, it's so effing bright.
329
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:51,139
Oh, Sujita, do you think
they have brunch there?
330
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,969
Woman: Do you think we
need to make reservations?
331
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:56,449
Let's order two things so
we can have more variety.
332
00:14:56,450 --> 00:14:57,979
(Sighs)
333
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,820
Ah!
334
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,169
You really wanna make this place look nice?
335
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:11,339
- Throw on some pants.
- Oh, no!
336
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:13,349
Are you kidding me?
What are you doing here?
337
00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:14,710
What happened to Dangerfield's?
338
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,949
Nah, Kinison went long.
339
00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:17,489
I got bumped. The jerk.
340
00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:18,719
Oh.
341
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,389
Come on, I'm begging you.
342
00:15:20,390 --> 00:15:22,559
Buddy, you gotta...
just go into your light.
343
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,199
It's not my fault that
your wife sucked so hard.
344
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,969
Hey, listen! My wife was a lot of things.
345
00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:29,439
But she did not suck.
346
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,979
Sadly not even on my birthday.
But that's none your business.
347
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:34,249
I ought to knock your block off.
348
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,819
What are you talking about?
349
00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:38,359
Your whole act is about
how horrible your wife was.
350
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,890
The act, it's jokes.
351
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,269
I wrote most of those things
before I even met her.
352
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:43,939
The truth is my wife was nothing like that.
353
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:45,839
My wife was...
354
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,779
she was, uh...
355
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,949
I can't remember. Wow!
356
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:55,289
I guess I've been doing
the "my wife" bit so long
357
00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:57,590
I forgot what she was really like.
358
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,329
I think I really loved her.
359
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,269
If you really loved your wife,
360
00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:03,639
why can't you figure out a way to do
361
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,740
- some nice material about her?
- Hold on.
362
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,519
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
When I started dating my wife,
363
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,359
I was so poor...
364
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,759
Come on, help a specter out.
365
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,269
- How poor were you?
- Thank you.
366
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:22,269
I was so poor that I couldn't
even afford to buy her flowers.
367
00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:25,279
So I stopped on the way
to her house one day,
368
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,880
at the empty lot, and I picked
up a bunch of dandelions.
369
00:16:27,890 --> 00:16:29,619
Oh, she's no dummy.
370
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,689
She knew they were weeds
371
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:34,760
but she put 'em on a vase
full of water, just the same.
372
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,930
Just like they were a dozen roses.
373
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:39,669
She didn't want to hurt my feelings.
374
00:16:39,670 --> 00:16:44,279
The point is I knew right at that moment
375
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:45,520
she was the one.
376
00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:53,570
Well, what do you know. There's my light.
377
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,369
Thanks, Kevin.
378
00:16:57,370 --> 00:16:59,440
Good luck.
379
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:04,650
(Light pops)
380
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:06,830
(Sighs)
381
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:10,500
Wasn't very funny.
382
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:15,519
All right, try it now.
383
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,059
Testes. Testes. One, two, three.
384
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:20,029
- Yes, good?
- Yeah, we're good.
385
00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:22,129
I'm just not sure why
you're still doing this.
386
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:25,209
I mean, you met him.
Doesn't he seem harmless
387
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,379
and a little sweet, in
a simple kind of way?
388
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,279
He's not harmless, Sue.
389
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,649
He's probably the greatest
con artist of all time.
390
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,759
I tried to reason with him medium to medium
391
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,589
and he basically threatened me,
392
00:17:35,590 --> 00:17:38,099
saying he intended to become
the next Camomile White.
393
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,469
Well, not on my watch.
394
00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:41,039
So you're just taking out
395
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,709
a little insurance policy?
396
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:46,149
All I need to do is get
him to say the magic words.
397
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:49,319
You look really pretty tonight.
398
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,459
(Knocking on door)
399
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:53,559
Of course.
400
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,000
Hi!
401
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,740
Thank you.
402
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,249
Oh, I got these for you.
403
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,619
I picked them, actually.
They're beautiful dandelions.
404
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:08,619
I know they're not actually flowers
405
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,420
- but a friend of mine told me...
- Thank you. They're lovely.
406
00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:12,499
- They mean more than...
- I'll put them in some water.
407
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,629
- Thank you.
- Okay, great. Yeah.
408
00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:17,200
Wowee!
409
00:18:17,210 --> 00:18:19,639
So many nice things. Uh...
410
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,649
so I was thinking that tonight,
411
00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:24,079
maybe we could just go to
the Big Apple Comedy Club.
412
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,259
Two drink minimum but I happen
to know the owner, so...
413
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:32,029
You know, I was thinking
that we could just stay in.
414
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:34,199
I mean, you're clearly into me,
415
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,279
and I'm clearly into you.
416
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,709
Phew.
417
00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:42,480
So let's stop dancing around our feelings
418
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:44,220
- and let's just (Bleep)
- Oh!
419
00:18:45,630 --> 00:18:48,459
- Whoa! Oh, just a heads up.
- Yeah.
420
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,760
There's no button on these pants.
421
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,369
So you don't have to do anything.
422
00:18:51,370 --> 00:18:52,739
There's an elastic all the way around.
423
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,309
- Perfect.
- It is, right?
424
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:56,239
I just need to know something first.
425
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,819
Are you seeing any other women?
426
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,389
Yeah, I'm seeing some girls.
427
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,489
I'm kidding. I don't know why I said that.
428
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,429
Nope. I was being hard to get.
429
00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:07,569
Well, good. Because I
don't want to share you.
430
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:11,209
Good. Trust me, I am not seeing
any other women right now.
431
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:14,140
Well, are you seeing any ghosts right now?
432
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:17,079
- No.
- What about recently?
433
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,119
- You seen any ghost recently?
- Uh, no.
434
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,659
I have never seen a ghost.
435
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,589
I don't even know how that would work
436
00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:24,559
if I'm being totally honest.
437
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,599
Very good, Mr. Packalockloogie.
438
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,669
Oh. Uh, close. Mr. Pacalioglu.
439
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:32,149
At least I think it is.
I've never met my parents.
440
00:19:32,150 --> 00:19:34,449
- I'm an orphan.
- Right.
441
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,419
What happened? Are you okay?
442
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:38,489
Is my boner too big?
443
00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:40,759
- No.
- Okay.
444
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,560
I've suddenly got a splitting
headache. You better go.
445
00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:44,539
Well, you can take something for that.
446
00:19:44,540 --> 00:19:46,239
I got pills. I could give you one of those.
447
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:47,870
I'm sure one would be good for headache.
448
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,410
This headache won't go away
for as long as you're here.
449
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:54,319
- Oh, it's one of those.
- Yeah, you better go.
450
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,659
I've been around a few of those.
451
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:57,359
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
452
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,199
- Okay, but, Ms. White?
- Yeah?
453
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,699
I would just like to say
that I had the time...
454
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,400
- Me too.
- No, uh...
455
00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:08,409
Oh, my God. How did it go? It sounded good.
456
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:12,190
Perfect. We've got lots of work to do.
457
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,390
(Camomile on recording):
What about recently?
458
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,799
Have you seen any ghosts recently?
459
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,169
Kevin: No. I have never seen a ghost.
460
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:21,769
I don't even know how that would work
461
00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:24,510
- if I'm being totally honest.
- Got him.
462
00:20:28,650 --> 00:20:30,850
(Mellow theme playing)
463
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,830
Seriously, what the heck
are you supposed to be?
464
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,099
- I don't know.
- Women, huh?
465
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,439
- Yeah.
- Love is hard.
466
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,409
(Sighs)
467
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,949
So what, you need a place to stay, buddy?
468
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,149
Yeah.
469
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:49,380
Yeah, that's what I thought.
470
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,849
Okay, buddy, come on home with me.
471
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,919
(Babbling)
472
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,190
More chips, please.
473
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,929
(Mellow theme playing)
474
00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:10,480
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
475
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:15,080
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
476
00:21:16,305 --> 00:21:22,808
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