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We read a great deal of advice designed

for the expectant mother, but nobody

seems to think it worthwhile to give the expectant father

any advice.

Now as a matter of fact, the expecting father

needs more advice than the expectant mother,

because he is strictly on his own.

He has no doctor to guide him.

And during that one day at least, he is the forgotten man.

- Good morning, Miss Benson. - Good morning.

A little excitement at our house this morning.

- Didn't get a chance to share it. - Yes, I know.

Here's a message for you from the hospital.

Came just five minutes ago.

Now here we see some typical cases of expectant fatherhood.

Those of you in the audience who don't care to look

may close your eyes until the scene is over.

We will signal the end of this rather harrowing section

by the tapping of a bell.

Where is she?

- Your name, please. - Who me?

- Yes. - Uh, Doakes.

- Joseph Doakes. - Oh, yes, Mr. Doakes.

Would you wait right in there, please?

The nurse will see you in just a minute.

- In here? - No, no.

In there, the waiting room.

Now all these four men are running a temperature.

The tall man, because he’s been waiting longest,

is in the worst shape, but the blood pressure of all four

of them is way, way up for this time of day.

In other words, for lack of good counsel and advice,

these expectant fathers have allowed themselves

to become pathological cases.

- Have you got the correct time? - Yes, thanks.

Would you mind giving it to me?

Oh, I'm sorry. It's 20 minutes past.

Past?

Uh, 20 minutes 'till 10:00.

Uh, is that Eastern Standard Time?

Why, yes, I guess it would be. Yes, sure.

That would make 20 minutes to 7:00 at the coast, wouldn't it?

No, no 20 minutes to 9:00, to 1:00.

Ah, shut up.

Mr. Doakes?

Well, Mr. Doakes, I don't think that you will have stay here.

You can come back around noon.

Everything's fine.

- You mean I can go? - Yes, you can run along now.

We'll call up around noon, and we'll tell you when to come back.

This man, ordinarily a very alert businessman,

has allowed himself to slip mentally under a strain, which

is no greater than that to which men are being subjected to all

over the world every day.

It's just a lack of mental coordination.

That's all.

Oh, Mr. Doakes, any news?

Hmm? Huh?

Uh, no, no.

They'll call up at noon. That's what she said.

Would you care to go over the mail?

What mail?

The morning mail. Here it is.

Dear Mr. Doakes, we are writing to ask you

if you can see a way clear to contribute

the same amount this year as--

That's the letter you just received, Mr. Doakes.

Do you wish to dictate a reply?

I've got to get some air.

Back early, aren't you?

Quarter past 11:00.

For Pete's sake, stop looking at that picture, will you?

I'm sorry.

There, there, old man.

He didn't mean it.

I did mean it.

Why Mr. Theakstis, you're the father of a nice big girl.

Come on in and see her.

Mr. Doakes, what are you doing back here so early?

Now we won't need you until 3 o'clock.

Everything's fine.

3 o'clock? Why that's this afternoon.

There's another phase to this disintegration

of the expectant father.

From the preliminary daze and hypnotic trance,

he sometimes develops into a rather garrulous and frequently

tiresome character, considering himself the center

of attraction wherever he goes.

Do you have any children?

Just a couple.

Just a couple?

Boy, that's a lot.

How'd you stand it?

Oh, it's not so bad, once you get the hang of it.

Oh, once you the hang of it. That's the thing.

I've got to learn how to get the hang of it by 3 o'clock.

Well, well, congratulations.

Straight, dry.

Didn't get a chance to shave today.

I guess that's right.

Expecting a baby this afternoon.

That's fine.

- How's your wife now? - Oh, she's fine. Thanks.

Give me that check, will you, because I got to go.

Thank you.

At this point, the expectant father is not responsible for his actions,

and he may walk as much as 10 miles without knowing it.

To complicate matters, the world seems

to be filled with children.

Up to now, he never noticed them.

Of course, the percentage of twins

is very small and hardly worth worrying about,

but then, on the other hand, it can happen.

We now come to the final and most harrowing

phase of our study.

The patient has a blood pressure of a small donkey engine.

- Mr. Doakes? - Who, me?

Will you please come with me?

- Mr. Doakes? - Yes.

Mr. Joseph Doakes?

There's a telephone call for you.

Hello?

Mr. Doakes, would it be all right if I went out for about an hour?

There doesn't seem to be anything doing around here.

OK, OK, sure.

Fine.

Thank you.

- Small, isn't he? - No smaller than usual.

I guess you'd be small too, if you were that age.

- Want to hold him? - Oh, no, no thank you.

I've got one of my own coming up.

- Your name's Doakes isn't it? - Yes, Joseph Doakes.

- My wife is here. - Well, this is yours.

Mine?

Nurse!

Nurse!

So we see in rather spectacular fashion

the ordeal through which the expectant father must go.

Of course, this man will recover.

There's nothing organically wrong with him.

And in time, he will come to enjoy the blessings of fatherhood.

And--

--enjoy, actually live to enjoy--