Original subtitles

*Electrical hum*

*Synth Music*

[GREG] So you guys are gonna get me sleeping, and then me waking up right?

[CREW] Yes, yeah, yeah- we literally just finished discussing ...

*Greg grunts*

Now this is my favorite part of every morning.

I boot up my computer and I see what kind of feedback I've been getting since I was asleep.

Cause, you know, you sleep for ten hours you don't know what people are saying about you.

What's a let's play? Well have you guys seen Mystery Science Theater? No?

Well neither have I but I hear it's very similar to that. so what you do is you

So what you do is take a source material, with the let's play specifically you take a video game

and you play it like a normal customer would but if you're funny if you have

the gift you talk over it and you make jokes and you tell stories and people

watch it because they're not just interested in the game they're interested in me!

When this light turns on

no more cool, funny, everybody's friend, just Greg. No no no no, when the light is

on you get Lazergreg. Your even cooler even funnier even more interesting best friend!

[GREG] Haha! All right everyone, I'm walking around I

don't know if I'm supposed to kill this guy but whatever! I'm just gonna...

Is that a rock?

I've committed to doing let's plays professionally, full-time,

about a year ago. I used to be in college, I don't to brag or anything, but it was

the fifth highest rated community college and on the west coast

I have always thought of myself as a very creative person. ALWAYS. when I was a

little kid and I was in grade school I would never pay attention in class!

Schools aren't a place for creative people. I'm an artist what do you- what

I'm gonna get a degree, and then get a nine-to-five job with insurance and

benefits and stuff? No you can't be an artist and have a job.

But, you know, I still have a regular job- I had to get, my parents said I had to

[GREG'S MOM] It did seem a little weird to us at first but you know as a mother I had to take a step back

and help Greg because I want to see him reach his full potential.

[GREG'S DAD] It- it still doesn't make any sense to me...

This is my computer! Built her myself- I kinda...

of kind of a techie. She served me very well like this thing she can survive

[SLAM] anything that I put her through you know?

Well if you asked me a month ago I would say thirty.

If you ask me now- how many subscribers I have now... uh more than that...

You guys are subscribed right?

[CREW] Uh- yeah yeah yeah I will, eventually yeah absolutely yeah possibly yeah yeah I did

yeah good!

I don't think people understand what it takes to do what I do

okay at a regular job you just do your job! You just do your work, but when you're a

let's player you have to be funny!

Gaaaaaaaaay- this game is gaaaaaaaay!

ALL THE TIME!

just stop you can't just take a break that is thousands of hours recording it

and playing it and editing it and in those thousands of hours you have to be

making jokes the entire time because my audience my loving audience expects me

to be funny

That's pretty funny...

oh! you know what slavery! [typing]

Vincent van Gogh paints the Mona Lisa and he spends

thousands of hours painting this thing and he dies poor now imagine some guy

draws a funny mustache on the Mona Lisa and he makes 500 million dollars.

Who would you rather be? I want to be the guy drawing mustache!

I want to be the millionaire! Cuz that's what this is it's it's taking something that exists and

making it better and being recognized for that. Being BIG! I mean who are the

developers who made Call of Duty or Bioshock or Doom? You don't know but you

know PewDiePie and it's hard it's really it's really hard and people people don't

understand what it takes to do what I do!

It's just you know- I just gotta find my audience...

[Clicks refresh button]

it's got one like...

[TITLE MUSIC]

[GREG'S DAD] The hardest part is trying to explain it to our friends...

[GREG'S MOM] a lot of our friends have been asking about him... and if he's okay

You know from the outside, people just seem to think that Greg doesn't have a job

plays video games all day and doesn't seem to be doing anything with his life

[GREG] All right! Here we are, you guys are seeing me and my second job. This is my

call it my civilian job!

[MR. NYCHO] Yeah, we hired uh, Grade, a while ago. He's all right I guess

does what we tell him to.

[GREG] It really is unbelievable

seeing the sheer amount of joy on a person's face when he hand them a steaming pile of za.

This must be what Steve Jobs feels like every single day

Except instead of delivering iPhones delivering pizza!

[GREG'S DAD] Wetold him he didn't get a job, we'd kick him out of the house.

It's given me a whole new perspective cuz I see I see how they live and it's been very humbling!

Do you think I'm humble?

What? Do you think I'm a humble person?

[DOOR CLOSES]

[MR NYCHO] He does seem kind of in his own head a bit though I mean which is normal for a

kid his age still trying to figure out what I do with his life and all that..

*CAR HONKING* [GREG] Oh! Greg's gonna hit the car! Whoa!

[MR NYCHO] yeah he's nice to have around.. He's the only one that likes Kevin.

Did you was your hands Kevin?

[GREG] You guys know Kevin right?

[CREW] Uh... I don't uh... no... ah

[GREG] You guys know Kevin! Come on he's in a lot of my videos if you guys watch my

videos like you've been bound to have heard Kevin!

[KEVIN] Watch this...

Hi, welcome to Perry's... I'd hi thanks for calling Perry's I'd like to thank you

for.... What would you like to order?

[GREG] I've got a lot of friends but Kevin has

definitely risen to the top he doesn't say much but when he does say something

gold!

[KEVIN] Hey hey, Greg..

Hey!

more like all the FARTS you could eat!

*Greg laughs hysterically*

[MR NYCHO] You guys are all so nice to have around!

The crew adds an interesting element.

People are you're making a real movie!

[GREG] Right now I have a rapidly growing

fanbase of highly dedicated highly motivated Lazergreg fan boys... and girls

I'm very inclusive. I like to call them my greggies... No, my La- my Lazies, Lazys?

My Lazys! Anyway I think it's super important to stay connected with your

fans it's good to remind them that I'm just another average, norma,l down to

earth, average...

celebrity!

So that's why I host a weekly comment reaction video

for my griggers.

I don't just consider them to be my fans some of them I consider

them to be my friends...

Some of them even my best friends! you got Fedora Logan

spiderchan69, lavacraft, NaziDogg, Peter Stormaretrooper and of course

puppyluvr..

[GREG'S MOM] Oh yeah I'm subscribed absolutely!

I I try to watch all of his videos.

[GREG- on phone speaker] Alright guys check this out!

[GREG- on phone speaker] OOOOOOOH! HE BLEW UP!! That's crazyyyy!

Alright!

So here we are next comment reaction video.

Uuhh, first comment says

"nice vid!"

Nice vid... wow...

Thank you so much that means a lot to me man

I worked really hard on this one... Part 18 was...

Thank you.

*Greg Laughs*

My boy!

Nazi D! my Grigger! Alright what's he gotta say?

"I think you can make your commentaries a little more engaging

if the editing was a little tighter.

Just a thought thought smiley face" well

What the frick are you talking about NaziDogg?

he's trolling he's always doing this! it's crazy,

What an idiot. Alright next comment!

So um...

Those are all of the the comments this week if you guys want to

be on the next week's comment reaction video just leave a comment.. and um..

LAZERGREEEEEEG out! Alright...

FRICK!

[CREW] Greg what did the comment say?

What do you think it said? Huh?

It's right there on the stupid screen!

I'm shitting, you want to join me?

[GREG] Kevin [KEVIN] uh-huh

[GREG] I was thinking. what we could do for the next stream is

we could wear silly hats or something like that you think that'd be cool?

You think that'd be funny? [KEVIN] ah....

[GREG] We could wear San Francisco Giants Hats!

[KEVIN] Right...

That'd be funny! Get it? Cuz they're gay.

Oh...

[KEVIN] I didn't know they were gay...

Of course they are!

I don't think people would like that though it's like hurtling..

Oh yeah

joke's pretty highbrow

yeah

Frick Kevin we got to think of something we need we

need a hook to get people watching Kevin think of something!

Okay.

I'm doing all the thinking!

We don't have to wear silly hats...

we could just eat peppers!

Kevin

that is an a-plus idea Kevin! That's a good freakin idea! You see what we can do

when we work together when we put our heads together you see what we can

accomplish? This is exactly what I'm talking about, the dynamic duo, the dream

team. This is what it's all about!

[MR NYCHO] GREG! NO! No! Nooo! Y

You know you're not supposed to do that

I was putting it back!

Did you even wash your hands?

*soft thud*

[MR NYCHO] *Sighs*

Fucking....

[GREG] He's jealous Kevin don't let him bother you

[KEVIN] Uh.. are you still my ride for tonight?

Oh yeah buddy! For sure!

Before I drop you off, can we still stream tonight?

I have homework...

When's it due?

Tomorroooow...

Well then do it tomorrow!

It'll be fine! We're streaming Kevin! It's gonna be sweet

[GREG] What's up everybody? It's your old buddy Lazergreg, I'm back! and- don't wave

there's no camera. And I'm joined by my buddy Kevin!

Kevin it's really embarrassing having to say your real name on this dream dude..

Well it's not as

embarrassing as having to say Laser-Greg

okay Kevin- my name is cool!

alright? and besides every big youtuber has like a cool youtuber name!

You know there's actually uh a YouTube celebrity that lives near here?

Uuuuhhh no

I would think you know him..

never heard anything about that...

okay..

But you know what? Fun fact: there is a guy who

lives around here who makes like YouTube videos you know for fun like as a hobby

I don't know if you know him though he's kind of small it's-

his name is DanMark...

Oh yeah!

Wait, oh yeah that's what I was talking about!

You... You'd call DanMark.. like you'd go as far as to

call him a celebrity?

Well he has like, what 700,000 subscribers? that's kind of a lot..I'd say that's YouTube

celebrity status..

Kevin subscribers aren't everything! I mean this videos aren't

even really my thing anyway, you know? So I guess that's why he's not

really lik-e that why don't really think of him that way...

but like he does Let's Plays and

we do let's plays...

No no no, Kev- it's not this it's not the same thing

like okay I can see the similarities okay I'm not an idiot.

Right...

But like what we do is different artistically.. like comparing apples

Okay..

To oranges...

To green apples!

So green apples different colors different

..tastes! They're like different the fruits all together-

Where are we supposed to be going?

I actually saw him- he came to the pizza place a few couple days ago he had a big order-

He was at the pizza place?

Pizza place...

Doing what!?

He bought pizza- what else would he do? He bought a lot of

pizza it was like for a party or something uh.. He seemed really nice and cool and chill

Yeah I mean he is cool! Because he's like got a cool sense of

style and he's got a cool house supposedly he gives to charity or whatever...

I know DanMark!

Yeah! we go way back way back oh yeah!

That's cool!

It is cool! Like I am cool for knowing him.

We've been- I don't want to say rivals,

but we've been like like friendly competitors for a really really really

long time.

Okay!

Hey, you seem to know him pretty well.

Well, he knows me too.

did you get invited to the party?

Kevin I- I get invited to like all sorts of

parties like I can't even keep track of the parties I HAVE to go to- and so I was

absolutely invited to this one.

uh-hey yeah yeah!

Yeah but I don't know

if I'm gonna go because there's just- there's... because, you know... we have a lot

of it's a job you... YOU know what Kevin?! we completely forgot I died earlier, and we're

supposed to eat the peppers so let's do that.. now.

Okay? Cool awesome there they

are! We have a bowl right there it's- we don't have a webcam like I said so it's

gonna be all yeah audio yeah I'll take that.

You ready?

Let's light this bitch!

No I'm not strong enough you have to go first

uh kay

Wait! Don't be a hero Kevin I can do it. We're gonna do it at the same time okay

Okay.

*peppers crunch*

Uah.. my god...

Ow-

[KEVIN] Mmm

OW! OW!!

OOOWWWW!!! Oh my god it's so hot!

*pepper crunch*

It's also pretty tasty!

Guah, no it isn't!! -OW!!

OH MY GOD!!

Greg, have you not swallowed yet?

NO!

It's so hot!

Do you want me to swallow for you?

NO KEVIN! Don't be gross!!

OH MY GOD!

KEVIN CUT THE STREAM

Cut the stream right now!

How?

YOU PUSH THE BUTTON THAT SAYS STOP IDIOT!

Okay I got it, thank God.

Oh my God , Kevin you gotta go get me milk- you gotta go give me milk right now!

I need it

Okay!

I NEEEED IT!

It's so hot!

Oh God!

*swallows throwup* WHY?

Why did you let me do this?

Why would people do this for views?

FOR STUPID VIEWS!

Greg here's your milk

Gimme!

*Spits up into bowl*

*Drinking milk*

*Gasp*

This kind of crap.. ugh-

is below- below us! We can't do this to ourselves

You think this is below us?

Just wait until you shit it out, it's gonna be fuckin' hot!

I can't think of that right now Kevin we got to be smart about this okay. We have to think of a way to

get views

So what are we gonna do?

Hey-

Uh

That youtuber party that DanMark was throwing- uh

Do you remember when that was gonna be?

Do you remember when that was?

*muffled music*

*Door opening*

HEEEEEEYYY! Did somebody order a pizza?

Haha- um we did, a while ago...

Oh- Uuuuhhhh

like but

we got it...

you're not missing one? you're not missing one

Uuuuhh- no I don't think so...

I heard- I mean they called me to come over here to deliver one are you sure?

I don't know.. I mean probably! Okay..

How long are we gonna keep doing this man?

Doing... what? Pizza- stuff?

No it's me!

Greg!

Lazergreg?

DanMark!

from?

high school!

my name's mark...

you know me man!

Aahhhhh-

It's ringing some bells right?

yeah...

How do you forget this face? So you having like a like

a party or something fun going on in there?

Yeah it's just this little get-together, I actually gotta get back-

Is that Markiplier?!? Is that Markiplier?

[DanMark] You know what, I think I think I do remember Greg! Yeah! we were both in the same

oral comm class that's right he Greg

delivered one of the most enchanting monologues that I've ever heard...

I'm just kidding, I never took an oral comm class, but he seems like an okay guy I mean he

brought his own pizza!

He's a let's player? That's that's pretty cool! Maybe I'll

check out his channel sometime. You know sometimes those little guys they deserve

the attention.. sometimes they make the best content too

[GREG] Oh, I'm a girl, I'm just gonna fucking kill myself, hold on.

Other times...

[JULIE] I always thought I had a big family, but-

Hey!

Hi, what's up? How many subscribers do you have?

On what?

*greg laughs*

On YouTube idiot, how many subscribers you have on YouTube?

Um like

300,000 or so...

What?! Are you serious?! You?!

Hahahahahow do you have so many?

My boyfriend has much more so-

Oh I get it..

You gotta get those views any way you can, right?

What do you mean?

Well I mean come on like, those aren't really your views right?

I mean they're only watching you because of DanMark right?

No!

What do you what do you like what kind of videos do you make?

Oh! um I meanI have a few videos, mostly just of my cats.

How many views could those possibly get?

Well actually there's one of yeah of my cat Wu-Wu reacting to popcorn!

Okay-

It's really cute!

It sounds cute.

That one has about 3,000 views...

cool.

Markiplier! Markiplier! Mark- Mar.. have you seen Markiplier... around here? No?

[DANMARK] Heeeeeeeyyyyyy

Who is that?

That's- That's Greg!

Wha- What is he doing here?

Uh- I dunno! He kinda just walked in!

Haha

Well, he is weird and he is making everyone uncomfortable so you need to go talk to him!

Yo! Greg! How about you and I, we go over here?

He is awesome I mean I how

cool is it that he's invited me to his big youtuber party I mean obviously I

bring a lot to the table so this is as much of a favor for him as it is for me

I don't know about this man I feel a little nervous I don't know if I can do this..

Why not? come on.

I'm surrounded by all these like YouTube celebrities like

all this talent that's weird..

nah not all my friends are YouTube celebrities Greg

basically all of his friends are famous I mean I'm I'm swimming with the sharks

out here okay and I'm a big shark but these sharks are even bigger than I am

and if those sharks are bigger than this shark like just just imagine how big

those sharks might be...

it makes you think

wow those are some big sharks...

*phone ringing*

Hahahaha, whooo! Fans!

Where the hell is he?

Stop calling me!

You have fans that call you?

Do they call you regularly?

Mm-hmm, yeah I do

Oh man yeah it's sucks dude

I don't think it your number are you getting hacked or they like messing with

you I know some people that can help you out cuz I have my shi-stuff hacked-

oh no no no!

My griggers- very sneaky like thieves in the night!

How bout! we uh we watch a- uh we have a

YouTube video! One of your YouTube videos! Let's watch it

Yeah!

Yah!

Yeah. yah yah yah yah yah ya

I could show you like one two or how ever many you want to look at. We gotta whole night ahead of us!

We got a whol- a groovy night! Yeah dude!

It's important I think to you know support the the smaller channels on YouTube you

know especially as they're growing it's tough, it is tough when you're starting out!

You know what it was.

it all started for me with my uh my younger brother and

I we would we would play video games for hours you know he would watch me play

you know our parents would get so mad because we'd spent so many hours and

hours eating junk food playing games and then he died

*laughs* I'm just-

guys I'm just kidding this joke he's upstairs running around, acting like a

goofball I'm sure. But he told me how much he liked watching videos of other

people playing video games and then posting him online and it didn't make

sense to me at the time you know I thought it was really pointless so I started making my own

[Greg over phone speaker] You should really have a button where you know if a character is

gay or not just like just so you know if you want to like if you're do hate gay people you can kill them

you know how about we get some head phones for that!

Wait what? Got some

Some Headphones! why what are you doing?

Well there's a lot of people here they're trying to have a conversation and I think you know

we just want to keep this between us two youtubers you know what I'm sayin?

No! What are you talking about? They'll love it! Besides my video is more

interesting than their boring conversation anyway

ya- no.. uh ya- no

and then I got lucky again, overnight one of my videos just went pwshooo and I've been

pretty doing pretty well ever since but being honest you know I'm scraping the

bottom of the barrel which is sad, because I'm just

being myself come back in a couple years and all I might have left are some fart

jokes, a cool jacket and- poop jokes..

[Greg over phone speaker] alright guys so I just farted! which means I gotta take a shit!

[Greg over phone speaker] so that's a good time to end the stream Lazergreg out!

Is it over? it says there's 20 minutes left

oh I forgot to stop the recording so I

just uploaded the whole thing!

You know you coulda editted that stuff out?

*snickering*

oh?

yeah I think people would be less inclined to watch something that's 55

minutes long compared to something that's like you know like 35 minutes on

or something like that-

[GIRL AT PARTY] yeah that'll make it better

Whoa! oh oh hey hey hey you know the rules here good vibes only all right we're all

hermanos here anyways I'm saying is uh what you just showed me

was a success because you put it out there there are so many people that you

talk talk talk all day about grading people didn't ever do it alright

that being said I think you can make it a little bit shorter because my YouTube

analytics show me and this is you know I've been in the game for a while now

buddy. My shorter videos they do better than my longer videos- and if you

just if you just make them shorter that you you got it

He gets it... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

get out get out right now get out of here

*party noises*

what are you still doing here we're closed

Hey! Greg! I thought you left so um-

no no I didn't but I'm leaving now so yeah I'm getting out of here

okay- you alright?

I'm fine

you sure?

I'm positive I'm positive I'm great

you sure?

don't I look great?

Don't touch me

Why don't you just a little longer I'll get you a drink here I'll go get-

I don't want any more drinks okay I don't anything to do with any of you this was stupid

I'm sorry I thought it would help you I thought I could-

Oh! You thought you could help me! oh it's just me Greg! I always need help don't I always need

help from you well you know what I don't need your help I never needed your help

look look how you're looking at me I can see it I see it in all your eyes you

don't think that you can judge me and you can just poop all over my

accomplishments because every single one of you has more subscribers than me you

know what you you should have never invited me to your stupid youtuber party

anyway!

[PARTY GUEST] The party is better without him!

everyone who knows me knows that I love criticism I need criticism I feed

off of it because you can't get better unless you accept criticism that's how

you become the best and that's what I want to be I want to be the best but it

has to be constructive yeah no one's gonna help anyone if you're just being

mean it was just being a super jerk okay I'm my biggest critic and I say I'm

great and everybody thinks Denmark is so great cuz he's got a cool jacket and a

hot girlfriend everyone thinks he's amazing so where does he get off judging

me telling me that I'm no good a fellow creator that's not that's not the code

man from now on I'm gonna live by what I said

I still have my channel, my career and my job- You can't take that from me!

[MR NYCHO] Greg! come here

what's up boss?

you're fired

Kevin did it

you never made it back from your delivery, you never even MADE a delivery, and I had to give them 30% off their

next purchase and Kevin had to do it

told you Kevin did it

If that was the only thing you did I'd still fire you

name one other thing I did you can't do it you've never done anything name one other thing

I've been receiving complaints about people having their toppings... rearranged have you been

tampering with toppings?

PEOPLE LIKE IT!?! ok I customize their pizza experience it's FUN

Okay so this is what I do right I like to personalize every single customer's

pizza because you know customer service comes first and I want them to know I

want to know they didn't just get a regular old pizza that they paid for

they got a pizza from Greg a Lazergreg pizza

It's not fun it's disgusting it's disgusting it's gross

it's more fun than disgusting

no no I know that you don't wash your hands. Ok can I ask you guys to leave?

[CREW] Oh- yeah guys let's get outta here

[CREW] Greg, we'll see you later...

So... the manager and I had some

creative differences

you are disgusting you think you just

touch pizzas like that he just rub your dirty grubs all over them! you are the

stupidest person I've ever met you think that's ok think it's fun

that's what I get for working with the enemy cuz you know what that that's what this is it's

a war between the blue-collar and the artists apparently there's no room for

art in pizza believe me I tried but, no, you know what this taught me? this

taught me that I've been distracted okay I have to focus all my efforts back

into my YouTube channel because this is how they get you with you they attempt

to you with pizza and money and then that's it you're dead you're one of them

there's just a mindless blue-collar drone out to kill art

[KEVIN] hey dude, thanks for the

Exactly Kevin ice cream ice cream is art that's something and Mr. Nycho would

never understand he just cares about about money on the bottom line

so um are you gonna try and do now, you gonna try and make some good videos?

no Kevin I'm going to make the best videos

Okay!

yeah! good idea!

It is! So guess what we're doing a stream tonight

you and me Kevin

oh... do you need me to help you?

Of course I need you to help me Kevin you're my

friend all right but also we are partners we're in this together okay you

were always telling me that I I worked too hard but now we're gonna work even

harder as a team we are the dynamic duo of YouTube and you're my sidekick

yes!

yes and now there's nothing we can't accomplish not one we're together

nothing!

Nothing! Nothing!

I can't stream tonight..

have you not been listening to a thing I've said ?

I've been doing some thinking and something really important about

being creative is the ability to continue learning I've been in the game

for a very long time but that doesn't mean that there's not opportunities to

improve it says Mercury playback to space ingest settings it's got a

stomach premier has a stomach? what did I do? do any of you guys know how

to edit? do you know how to edit?

[CREW] like pretty much all of us know how to edit...

So this is your clip right? Like this is the one you're gonna use I guess

yeah that's the video okay

so you basically in this first window you can select what parts of it you want

to use so let's say you want to use this part where you're shooting that-

I wanna use all of it! That's the whole video

Well that's the thing with editing is you don't want to use all of it

why would I want less gold?

because like there's lots of parts where you like you go to the bathroom and stuff and like you

I can cut those out? yeah

it's gonna take hours for one

video that I don't even know where to start

okay it is 3:34 in the morning- the witching hour... oh it's not like a

scary movie or anything there's no ghosts well I'm recording this because I

wanted to show you guys that I finished editing I am like an editing ninja I'm

just cutting all the chaff like this is a skill I never know I had I have to cut

a lot of gold though it was very hard to get rid of some of that gold but video

is about 30 minutes now I think I have to say that this is the best video I've

ever made I have to sleep till 1:00 if I want to get my full 10 hours

Gonna have to kick him

off my bed

frick... he's so peaceful

Good morning

good afternoon

so did you guys hear the news

no what news?

I have decided to make a youtube comeback

that's great!

you still have that job at the pizza place right?

yeah- of duh I'm working mornings now so I

can focus on making videos

why didn't you work this morning

I had the day off!

Well it must have been nice to get some rest and did you have fun with your friends last night?

mom, I keep telling you they are not my friends, they're just making a movie about me

you had a sleepover with people that aren't your friends?

*greg fake laughs*

you're not listening you're not listening to me! this is good news guys I'm back I'm

making it I'm back guys as long

as you have a job

[GREG] yeah it was really hard lying

to my folks but I'd like to think that they do the same thing in my position

because all they ever want to do is support me and help me I'm striving for

something greater than they could possibly imagine

I want to tell them it's true trust me I'd rather I rather tell them the truth

but they would want me to lie to them because it's what's best for me so if

you think about it I'm not lying to them.. I'm lying for them...

alright everybody I'm

off to work now

all right so here's what I do okay I

wake up super early like 8:30 right before my parents go to work I jump in

my car drive around the corner park it then they leave hop the back fence jump

through the window

guys didn't want help? and that's it how would they even know? who orders a pizza

in the morning

so I know Gregory is lying to us even if I didn't see him

climb through his window the pizza place doesn't even open until 11 o'clock and

I'm still subscribed to his YouTube channel

[GREG] alright guys I'm back I'm just

ditching work forever cuz I quit my job at the pizza place so now I'm gonna be

playing a lot more games for you guys I'm going to be uploading probably four

times a day now

[GREG'S MOM] I leave comments but I guess he doesn't know it's me

I can't tell my husband he'll kick Greg out

{falsetto} It's foolproof!

Synth music

click

more intense synth music

Kevin hi yeah listen I'm gonna get you right now

I don't care that you're at school Kevin all right it's important just tell them

that you're sick or something make yourself barf listen I'm gonna be there

in 10 minutes 10 minutes Kevin it's gonna be 10 minutes it's fine

[GREG] get in!

You said you'd be 10 minutes!

I was really hungry at stop somewhere to get food

Well, what dd we get?

MINE!

we have peanuts in my house you can eat there.

what makes a video big you know we could do you know those videos

where like someone dies so I can real life they're dead but they died in like

a really funny way we could do that people always click on those

are we gonna kill someone Greg?

no it's lightning in a bottle has to

look natural there'd be no way we could make it look good

Well- when I click on a video it's

usually because it has a cold picture or boobies

I know what we should do

or a red circle

Kevin shut up okay Stop talking!

okay..

we have to make our thumbnails better think

about it the thumbnail it's the first thing someone sees when they click on a

video and if that looks good then the video has to be good Kevin let's talk

about you when you click on a video what's the thumbnail look like what is

it say Kevin Kevin answer the question you never say anything say something

real Kevin say anything real what would you click on what do you look

at what is the video? Uuuuhhhhh...

Katy Perry's nipples!

would you click that video

I do I always do

and the ones that look like they prove aliens exist

we figured it out it was right here!

not on the board idiot

stop looking it's not on the board

are you gonna write something on the board

no I'm not gonna write something on the board I already said the idea

they filmed it

but there's video ideas otherwise what's the whole entire point

of having this why'd you- now you're missing an eye

That's uh-

now you're missing your face

turn the fucking cameras off

it is done

I want to click on it now

we're onto something Kevin do you feel it?

yeah I feel thirsty

I'm thirsty too Kevin

*Dramatic buzzsaw synth*

I'm thirsty for the nectar

nectar?

the youtube nectar

What are you talking about?

I never know what the fuck you're talking about

I'm talking about keesh Kevin

Dinero! Mulan... money

Oh- dough!

exactly there are many types of

respectable nectars but none

so sweet

bountiful as YouTube nectar it is the only nectar on the world that gives you

everything it's the only nectar that that makes you into a better person a

smarter person think about it go all of the other youtubers how beautiful it made

them Burnie Burns, PewDiePie ,Markiplier- all touched by the nectar.

like DanMark!

no

Kevin

it doesn't work for everyone but it's going

to work us! for Lazergreg and Kevin- Kevin you've got to get a new fucking name dude

but wait Greg, I have a name..

Kevin?! no that's your birth name Kevin okay you got to get something new you have to

come up with a name that people can respect look at Key & Peele, you think

Key & Peele are their real names? no! you need a name like Peele

well I guess when you put it like that it makes a bit more sense

now the nectar is sitting right in front of you it's got that name on it the nectar is not

for Kevin it's for the new you the better you it'll come to you naturally

it'll flow into you Kevin

another one *slurps*

Oh!

lucky number Kevin! that's what all the chicks call me

Genius! you are a genius

let's make you a freakin YouTube channel I've always wondered what it would be

like like what what I would want from people once I became famous and it would

be create it would be crazy if people just made fan art of me but in weird sex

fantasies can you imagine? you know what'd be funny? is me with Marge Simpson that'd be

hilarious or Elastigirl

oh boy I'm flirting with this one girl

for a while she's been flirting with me she we we've been flirting with each

other it's a mutual thing the two of us and I don't even really know how it

started she was one of the first people who started watching my videos and then

we just took it from there and we're just getting these very long very deep

conversations in the comments section where we talk about everything the

content of the videos life politics love and we just have this connection

[GREG'S MOM] I was one of Greg's first subscribers you know? Greg cares a lot about his fans but I

think he sees me as his number one fan

I mean she's obsessed with me dude she's my only support her on patreon

you know I think if it as allowance I mean I

think Greg would appreciate it more we're thinking that it's coming from a

fan than his mom please don't tell his father

she wants me

so I realized that you can't just title a video Mark Wahlberg

you'll never guess we killed exposed and just make it a fallout playthrough

because people get mad they start disliking it a lot I got a lot of

dislikes on that video and dislikes make me sad

so I learned that if you're gonna title video something you actually have to

talk about what's in the title of the video who's like confirmed to be an

alien like celebrity wise there the obvious ones David Bowie's definitely an

alien why else would he write those songs he's hiding in plain sight

it's just the I think these things are interesting to talk about and now

because of it I can still do what I love I can still play video games and make

people happy and become more famous the Malaysian airline flight right it just

disappeared and everyone just stopped talking about it even though we never

found it we never found it and you know what that means right

I mean you think about it you think of all the places that the government doesn't

let you go like Indian reservations. what are they trying to hide? they say that

it's just a place where Indians can live in peace or whatever but they could be

doing anything brewing anything. but I'm at a hundred five subscribers 105

subscribers now I'm gaining like 10 subscribers a week DanMark right now

he's at like 400 thousands so I'll pass him at least a couple of weeks

[DANMARK] HEY everybody!! DanMark here! got a story to tell ya

Holy POO is it a good day? once upon a time this morning in fact I was walking down the road my

neighbor it's like hey there mark what up and I'm like oh and he's like he goes

he goes to me he he comes up to me and he goes he goes huh DAMN Mark how did

you get nine hundred thousand followers -nine hundred thousand YouTube followers

I was like no way he's like yeah way so I ran home really fast looked at my

computer and he was not kidding this this is huge nine hundred thousand it's

you guys who inspire me everyday inspiration changes perspective

therefore changes yourself I reached nine hundred thousand followers today and

everything that I do here just just could've been done without each and

every nine hundred thousand of you believing in me and

PISS ASS!!

time to spend however many minutes each my videos are-

[CREW] uh shit, I'm late..

Jim! you got the camera all.. set up

[DANMARK] You need a cup of coffee or anything? [JIM] no, I'm alright

[CREW] AAYYY! Jim!!

yeah I checked out Greg's channel recently I think it's gotten a lot better

(falsetto) I don't think it's the kind of Content that I would really want to watch...

the Taliban are victims the Taliban-

uh- but he's he's got his own thing he's on

his own path and I can't fault him for that you can't fault anybody for that for being themselves

anyone who practices magic is evil David Blaine I

went to a magic show once when I was a kid and how did he get the coin behind

my ear if they can make a coin show up behind my ear

I consider Greg Greg a friend I think he's a friend I think he would I'd hope

you considered me the same and I want all my friends to succeed you know I

believe that there is a genre for everyone and a viewer for every creator

*aggressive key slam*

what is his game here?

he is always one step ahead of me

so I need to be two steps ahead of me

and then I'll be one step ahead of him

what makes DanMark popular like what why do people like him

well I mean he's got a nice personality his videos are funny and well edited and

no

It's his jacket..

I didn't know that...

yeah it's his jacket... jacket

*typing on keyboard*

Tssssss, it's like $80...

Kevin how much money do you have?

Uh, like $12

how does he even afford that?

I mean he has like a million subscribers..

no no, he has nine hundred forty-eight thousand three hundred ninety-six subscribers

well then how are you gonna get the jacket because I mean I was thinking of

some video ideas so we could do and maybe if I learn some editing we could

come out with content more often together and I wanted to research us playing

a new game together and I have a few ideas that I want to go and try-

Kevin! have an idea

I thought my idea was pretty

I know where we could get that jacket...

*plunky synths*

Okay, here we are.

is this DanMark's house?

Oh yeah- put your ski mask on

I don't have a ski mask!

Why didn't you bring your mask? Are we going to break into DanMark's house?!

No- Kevin it's not like we're doing anything

super illegal- we're just going in there and taking his jacket!

Greg, I don't feel comfortable doing that stealing is-stealing is wrong

Kevin all right listen don't don't bail me now okay after everything I've done

for you okay just relax

Greg, you have never done anything for me I thought it

was cool cuz you were older than me and had a car but you're always mean to

me and you never liked my ideas and I'm starting to fail Spanish class now cuz

you keep pulling me out of my school

where's this coming from why being such a baby would it work

Kevin you're the only one who could fit my chimney just

it'll be fast, don't worry about it.

Greg no I just I can't do this

that's wrong I'm walking home

wait wait you can't go man, we're a team! I'm done

We're Lazergreg, an- and LuckyNumberKevin!

No Greg.

Kevin!

You can never be done Kevin!

fine, more nectar for me!

see you on the stream on Friday!

I'm not coming back to the stream Greg

*crisp door opening*

*Greg breathing*

I'm in..

if only these walls could talk...

to me...

about his secrets

he's wearing it

Thar she blows!

[JIM] Greg!

What are you doing?

what do you mean what am I doing? You know what I'm doing

You're not actually doing this are you?

No-no, you're right. I wrote it down, had you film it, had you record it! Drove all the way here and broke into his house because I'm not gonna do it, really?

Oh my god...

you're not actually considering going through with this?

Greg!

Whaaat do you want?

You will go to jail!

I'm going to go to jail?

You will go to jail!

Who's going to arrest me, is it going to be you? What are you a cop now? Officer idiot!

let me work

[JIM] Fuck me..

No! no, I can't do this

I can't do this anymore

I'm DONE! I'm fucking leaving

[CREW] Get outta here

[CREW] Just- Just leave the mic!

What is his deal?

Hmm..

I just didn't have the heart for it he obviously cares so much about that

jacket sleeps in it so why would I even take something that makes him so happy I gotta just get..

Danmark sleeps in his jacket

Danmark sleeps in his jacket Danmark SLEEPS in his jacket

*Maniacal laughing*

oh my god DanMark sleeps in his jacket!

*More maniacal laughing*

all right guys get this I have some serious dirt on DanMark- REAL DIRT and the

thing is DanMark and I we're we're really good friends were like best

friends he lets me stay in his house all the time we hang out all the time his

girlfriend super hot and she's super nice to me specifically but I just felt

like I had to inform his audience of who he really is...

I can't believe I am gonna say it! did you know that DanMark actually sleeps while wearing his jacket- like

what a freakin weirdo like he sleeps in his jacket! some of you guys are gonna be thinking like that

it's not that big a deal Oh DanMark sleeps in his jacket oh who

cares it's like but that makes him a freak and a psychopath and a crazy

person he he loves his image of who he is like the DanMark personality like oh

who he's become the sellout that he is now that he can't even take his jacket

off when he's sleeping

No I don't feel bad... I don't feel bad at all

we're rivals we're like all the famous rivals we're like Tom and Jerry or FDR

and Hitler or John Lennon and the guy who killed John Lennon

look at you guys

I see the way you look at me every time I bring up Danmark you all

look at me the same way you look at me like like you don't understand like how

could he hate Danmark how could anyone hate Danmark you've all talked to him

you've all spent time with him you've all interviewed him and you all think

he's so perfect and so great but you never asked me you never asked me why

you want to know? You want to find out?

in high school I had this class and this

guy would sit next to me and he didn't "bully" me nobody ever bullies me but...

he gave me a hard time he made it difficult every day he made

it hard and then one day before class he's coming up to me and I know what

he's gonna do and I know what he's gonna say and I know what's gonna happen but

then DanMark shows up- out of nowhere completely forgot he was in the class

all I could focus was on this guy and he just stares him down tells him to

leave me alone and the guy gets back up in his face right here like they're

gonna fight but DanMark doesn't move DanMark just stands there and tells them

to leave me alone and the guy gives up then he sits down and he doesn't look at

me it doesn't say anything to me for the rest of the year

and you know what happened after that everyone starts patting Danmark on the

back saying how great of a guy he is how he's a hero how he saved me and you know

where that left me?

I was just the kid that needed to be saved

well I didn't need his help! I didn't ask him for his help, but that's all I was

the guy who he saved and that's why I have to beat him if

that's why I'm chasing him that's why I have to pass him cuz that's not all I'm

going to be and that's the whole reason why he did it he didn't do it to help me

he did it to help himself so everyone would congratulate him so he would be

the hero

it's too late now anyway it's not like I can take the video down it's already

uploaded

[CREW] You know you can take a video down?

can you?

yeah I'm not gonna take it down now, it's got a ton of views it's got a hundred like a day

[FROM VIDEO] -it's not a big deal DanMark sleeps in his jacket but no

that makes him a freak and a psychopath and a crazy person he what I'm like I

love him so much he's like a brother to me but he is a fucking freak what is

that even

*Theme Plays*

this is the greatest day of my life

welcome back griggers we're having another comment comeback video first

comment is from beef jerky is my life fuck DanMark, I always knew he was a

pussy. Here's the thing- you're not close to DanMark one of his friends or his

best friends or in his family I am so I can say from personal experience that

yes he is a gigantic pussy

"thank you for telling me, unsubscribed from Dan Marc because of this always knew there was something off about him"

well real Bigfoot there is something off about him just not his

jacket- cuz he sleeps in it is! next comment is from my boy my Griggga Nazi Dogg

"video was alright, kind of funny, miss Kevin though hope to see him in the next one"

*Greg laughs like a crazy person*

Oh Nazi-D! nobody misses Kevin he's a soul-sucking coward! Next comment is from

elite hacker 666 kill yourself you hack you suck what you're doing is this dumb

drama crap reviews alright I'm not gonna- read your novel just cuz I

owned your boyfriend on the internet we're just gonna move on...

Most of them are kinda similar...

ok except we

have one from an original Lazergreg fan!- puppyluvr

you're finally getting views! you're finally the superstar I always knew you would be"

[GREG'S MOM] I'm proud of him, I mean I don't get it but you know what he's

successful at it which is great I mean even though he can sometimes be a little mean

[GREG'S DAD] what would I be proud of?

my son tricked a hundred and seventy

thousand people into watching this crap oh my god

this is completely his mother's fault

Greg seems to think that I'm a young woman

that's um, interested in him. this is getting a little weird

faster faster faster!

[GREG'S MOM} So Greg found my email address and he's been emailing me pretty naughty things

I'm just trying to ignore it because I mean I'm sure there's other women that

he's talking to like that

*Rain drops* *Somber music*

this part always grosses me out ew- ew mousse is not very efficient so you got

to use a lot of it I kill a tube a week typically

yep things are looking pretty good on Planet

youtube.com/Lazergreg I found out that you can get a ton of viewers if you

just find someone who's very very popular and say terrible things about

them so Ploptron, right like he's a nut he's a psychopath here I here's the

thing he acts all secretive like he's never shown his face but I've seen him

on several occasions I see him all the time and he's like he's an ugly gross

idiot which explains why he's so paranoid he thinks that the government

is stealing your poop so they can put it in vaccinations and that's what turns

your kids retarded

I get a lot of dislikes now though- but people are always gonna

hate on people more popular than them and besides dislike it's only three

letters away from like so if you think about it people like me he look like he

loves himself so much like he's so in love with the Danmark persona he's just

he's just gonna wear a jacket forever like it's his skin now his gross

DanMark foreskin- I hate it when a person is foreskin he's an animal fuck him it's

just silliest things you guys know that I wouldn't I wouldn't sleep in my jacket

I did happen to fall asleep once with my clothes on after a long night of

streaming but I mean that was just like

You guys wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you? like you would, um-

you would tell me right?

*Sad music*

Ya- no.. the negativity is getting to me a little bit but I try not to let it

affect me too much they're still watching the video I'm still getting the

views that it's not that big a deal!

[CREW] Greg have you not found a better way of doing this?

have you found another window leading into this room?

[DANMARK] I just- all I care about is that I either get shotty or sniper

you took my sniper rifle alright it's alright it's alright

everything's good here in the Danmark world you can't get to me he can't get

under my skin you'll be will see you as laughing when

the scoreboard it signifies that I win in the end!

[KEVIN] (over phone message) Uhhh hey it's Kevin I am NOT at

my phone right now or or- *BEEP*

[GREG] Hey buddy! it's me Lazer- it's me Greg I just wanted

to call check-in man see and see what's going on see what you were doing

I'm doing great you know I got a girlfriend now that's a lie that's a lie

I don't actually have a girlfriend I was just trying to make you jealous

Who am i kidding though? you'd never get jealous

[MAN WITH PIZZA] shit man you're Lazer-Greg!

yeah that's me

dude this is awesome I'm a big fan you mind if we get a selfie together

sure

oh thanks man! yeah thanks I really appreciate it

thanks cool run into you

No problem!

Hey- is that za? you got some za? there

yeah yeah we're having a little get together over my friends place so I'm gonna go over

Wow- that sounds really fun

that sounds really fun like what what what's the occasion? what are you guys doin?

you know it's it's actually just a thing but they're waiting on me- and the pizza, so I should really get going...

I have a great idea you know would be nuts what

if I showed up? What if Lazergreg came to the party? and I and they were they would all

be super like that'd be nuts right?

yeah oh I'm not really sure it's kind of that

vibe man, like not a lot of people watch the videos there I'm sure they'd appreciate

you once they saw it- once they saw you though

well maybe next time! maybe you can get them to subscribe so next time they would recognize me!

yeah man, it was nice meeting you..

get them to subscribe and then I'll come to the party next time they'll all be impressed

Put the selfie online! show them you met Lazergreg!

*Sad music*

The channel is doing great.. a lot of people seem to like me now.. even

though it doesn't seem like it

a lot of ways I really miss the old days we would just goof off and stream after

work so we should definitely hang out sometime so you should call me back but

I gotta go now I don't want to get recognized again

by another fan! so.. just... I'm really busy these days but but if you were to call

I would make time

anyway see you later buddy

*sad music*

it's not exactly how I envisioned my youtube career but look do you never

know how the mighty hand of Fame will strike you

winners can't be choosers besides I have plenty of fans people still know me and

love me

like puppyluver

Do you guys think that this is going just a

little too slow? yeah I think it's going pretty slow I think it's time I make a

big move really kick things up a notch

[JIM] What- what do you mean Greg?

I'm gonna send her a picture of my junk

[JIM] Wait- what!?

yeaup! it's gonna be great!

[JIM] No, he can't do this!

[CREW] shut up!

[GREG] Yeah! shut up! god, I can't get hard with

you freaking screaming

[GREG] Alright....

[JIM] I'm going to tell her.

*camera shutter*

[JIM] Ah shoot, Ah shoot

[GREG] Aaaaaand send

[JIM] Ah shoot- oh no no

[GREG'S MOM] OH MY GOD! What is this?!

[JIM] Hoooooo no... OOOhhhh no

OH FUCK!!

[GREG'S DAD] how did we even get to this situation?

dad it it wasn't me

okay it's them they didn't tell meee

did you guys know about this?

[CREW] I don't- uh.. know

they knew I told them not to say anything I didn't want you to know

that's an issue and... we'll deal with it later. right now I have half a mind to kick you

out but since you've been keeping up with your responsibilities your job

He doesn't have a job. he has a job in months!

What? No- mom

Greg

how did you find out how did you know

I watch your videos!

[GREG'S DAD] I want you out of the house before I get back from work and take this riffraff with you I want this

done no more cameras no more riffraff no more dick pics just OUT- You understand?

That is so gay...

*sad music*

*knocking on door*

Heeey! Kevin, what's up man?

long time no see! listen a little bit of a favor, weird thing out of the blue I

kind of have to stay inside your house and live here

Greg- I don't think

it wouldn't be for long Kevin it would just be until I got back on my feet all right hey there was

some old drama at the old house so I wouldn't even know I was here- I'm super clean

Greg- listen, I really don't think that's a good idea, I'm sorry i just-

Kevin-

I'm kind of at a disadvantage here Kevin okay I'm on the

street look I understand you're mad at me or whatever but I I called you I

left a bunch of messages all right I said I was sorry

you didn't say you're sorry. I listened to all your messages Greg and I'm not

mad at you anymore, but but even if I did want you to stay I don't think my mom would be cool with it ...

Why wouldn't she be okay with it? Your mother loves me!

*greg laughs heartlessly*

[GREG] I didn't know that you lived with-

Darth Vader!

*greg laughs heartlessly at his own terrible joke*

Yeah- I don't think she likes you very much..

Is this about... you all laughed! every single one of you, you all laughed!

you all thought it was hilarious

OH MY GOD, did you guys get that?

we all laughed together!

Greg, I'm sorry I just I

can't I can't let you stay here maybe I'll see you again soon but I just I

gotta go I'm sorry

he is such a baby I'm a terrible friend I'm the ba- I'm the.. he just left me to

rot in the street he just abandoned me he...

okay.. um...

What about you guys? You can- can I stay in one of you guys' places? I

mean there's a bunch of you and it'd just be for like a couple of days or

like a week or something.. then hey! you'd have Dir- yeah you'd have direct

access to the the star of your movie! you know?

[CREW] Um.. I think we're good- Yeah I think we got everything

[CREW] I think we're pretty much done with the movie, this was one of the last things we needed...

you guys do know that this is

basically all your fault right none of this would have happened if you

had told me who I was talking to you knew the entire time I wouldn't be here

if it wasn't for you

I know what this is you're turning me into the

the villain of your movie!

You're tricking people! You tricked me! you can't-

treat me like this you can't treat someone like this alright I'm not just a

character in your movie I'm a person

turn the cameras off

[CREW] Greg, I think we're just going to leave...

Yeah you're just gonna leave? Movie's over?

there's your ending Greg's an idiot! Greg's alone!

this isn't right you can't-

fine

movie's over see you later guys

hope your movie sucks no one's gonna watch it! nobody cares! nobody cares! (this is all true)

[DANMARK] I think it sucks what's happening with Greg. I mean I hold no animosity towards

him. I got thick skin, you know, emotionally

bulletproof. You got to, I mean there's always going to be bad vibes on

the internet and if you just let them get you down there it's gonna be uh it's

gonna be hard to come back from it. At this point I just kind of like really

feel bad I'm bad for the guy. I mean I have people every day that are

commenting on my videos saying that I'm stupid I'm ugly that I don't

belong on YouTube... but um I tried to quit YouTube but I've tried and nobody else

would take me... I have no practical skills so YouTube is just kind of stuck with me

for the time that means so I

*knock on door*

Just one sec

DanMark... I have nowhere to go. I need somewhere to stay. Can I please stay with you?

I have nowhere, please?

yeah of course... Um yeah, come in, I just gotta give uh.. I just gotta give- I just got to talk to Julie... but come on come on in

thank you, thank you DanMark

It's mark.. but

[JULIE] he's weird and he makes me uncomfortable

he's not weird- he's just *stammers* we need to give

him a chance here all right

he he hates you! he tried to ruin your career what's wrong with you?

He doesn't hate me!

yes he does!- His entire career is-

No! No!

Greg- you don't hate me, do you?

*greg laughs like a crazy person* Nu-uh

See!

Greg where'd you get the Styrofoam cup

well this I got out on the streets..

he needs us.

I think this will be really

good for Greg it seemed like he was going it through some rough times I

can't help but feel just a little bit responsible for all of this I guess I

may have given Greg the impression that he had to compete with me I mean I did

just beat dark souls I'm pretty intimidating. I am hoping that this whole

experience will be a positive one for him I think given the time that we can

spend together you'll get to see me as a person and not as a YouTube rival, you

know? I'll treat him like any other my friends maybe even let him sit in a

streaming session or a recording session you know

oh here's the studio but- you just gotta keep it down a little bit... Julie's in there

is Julie pissed off that I'm staying here?

*danmark laughs nervously*

[GREG] That sucks...

this is the master bedroom

yeah I know

this is where you'll be bunking it's the guest room

thank you

[GREG] honestly I'm kind of surprised that he's letting me stay here and I am really

appreciative I was kind of mean to him in the past- well he was pretty mean to me

too it was mostly him but he's making it up

to me by letting me stay in his house under his roof!

that's it goes deep-

man I don't know, I think I just need to take some time to

figure things out really get back on my feet and figure out where I want to go

from here because it was hard though there were a few hours there where I was

on the streets and I really didn't know what was gonna happen to me I'm just I

am I'm really grateful that DanMark took me in

they're really gonna miss me when I leave in a few months...

[DANMARK] and we're live- in five four two welcome back to

another live stream I hope you're all having a good night if you have a funny

story or just one is alo leave a comment good notice tonight uh we have a special

guest right here he's a bit of a controversial figure but we're here to

get to know him a little bit more wanna understand him we're gonna go inside him

everybody welcome the man the legend- Lazergreg!

Woo! *clapping*

Uh yeah- hi, I'm Lazergreg- how's it going everybody? weeee

Woohooo! that's right uh so guys I saw something

very strange this morning-

was it me?

*danmark laughs awkwardly*

Uh, no- it actually wasn't but now I should

explain Greg has been staying with me at the last couple days..

Yeah, I didn't really have a choice I was homeless

*danmark laughs awkwardly* What?- well?

I see that we have a lot of comments

coming in here that are asking we're gonna fight.. come on guys this is

tonight Greg and I, we're vegetarians-

There will be no beef between the dos of us, right homie?

yeah we're gonna have a good time

A swell time! so we're having a good time good we're just here to play some video

games nice and game there's gonna chill a bit

we're HOMIES!

please stop hitting me..

*greg and danmark yelling in the other room*

so I have been here a few weeks now and it's been so sweet

I've been feeling really good this place has a great energy there's

there's so many good vibes I think DanMark and Julie are starting a warm up to

me and I've been in basically all of DanMark's videos! we make such a good

creative team-

look at that I always got your back- yeah did you see

that it was a trust exercise..

but who's got yours? no!

I got yours.

You see this? You see what we can accomplish when we work together?

you see see that

yeah sure I had all my old loyal fans my old channel but, who needs them? I'm

being watched by so many more people now

whoo sorry Julie I did not know you were in here are you editing a video?

Yeah- it's been a while the posted one, so just needs to get this one out there.

Oh right yeah you make youtube videos too- I knew that I knew that already

Julie listen I wanted to say something

I'm really sorry about when I was rude to you.

when which time?

At the party- I told you that the only reason people watched your videos was because

you were dating DanMark- you deserve a lot more respect than that

it's okay just it's really not a big deal

No, Julie, this is a big deal I mean

you put so much hard work into this and you put you put so much of yourself into

it and no one no one should be allowed to discredit that!

No, honestly this is just a hobby to me-

no it isn't this is not a hobby Julie this is your passion this is important to you!

no it's not, it's not my career and it's just what I do for fun

and the only reason I have followers this cause of DanMark and that's like

completely fine with me so...

how are you fine with that?

Because I mean I wouldn't be even doing this at all if it wasn't for him. Like I mean I'm glad I have the

opportunity but I wouldn't be pursuing it if it weren't for him.

doesn't it feel like you didn't earn their attention at all though?

yeah whatever

um thanks for the apology though

whatever

I am an artist, and artists need to create for themselves imagine a world

where artists didn't create for themselves they just helped other

artists with their art and their problems it would be empty frames and

blank canvases dry brushes it would be just like that movie where the

government steals all the color...

Schindler's List I'm really grateful for

DanMark letting me stay in his house and I've learned a lot from him I'm sure

he's learned a lot from me but I got to go back and do my own thing and recreate

my YouTube space and honestly I don't care if I don't have a single subscriber

anymore I will rebuild and I'll create a whole

new fanbase

DanMark!

I want to live in a world where there is color-

Me too Greg-

There's just- so much canvas out there that I still need to put my brush on, do you

understand what I'm saying? this is what I'm saying:

painting with you on your canvas it's been so great but it's time for me to

start creating on my own again..

yeah if you- uh, want to learn to paint I think you definitely should do that...

You really get it

that's why I think it's about time I

move out

yeah that is a great idea-

it is a great idea

and it gets even better, I'm about to make everything right. I'm gonna make an apology

video

oh

and I know what you're thinking we're sitting

here in private and I could apologize to you right here right now

get out of my head

But! think about this, now imagine I make a video put it on the internet the

whole world sees it and everyone on the planet knows how sorry I am

that's way better

that sounds that's it sounds great right it sounds

like a good idea, I agree but I think as an artist it's time for you to

really develop your voice some more and you know you're a funny guy Greg you're a funny guy

Are you seeing it, cause I feel like this is not that hard to follow.

It's a kids movie

for kids? but there's a gay in it.

I am funny! I am so funny! yeah so in a few days I'll be out of your hair !

Haha- I think you're being hard on yourself,

I think you'd be good if you left today!

yeah - two more days I'll be gone I just have so much -

I think it would be better if you if you got this

over with now I think do it as soon as possible I think you've yeah-tomorrow!

gotta strike while the iron's hot man I you gotta take this

this passion that you're feeling right now this intense feeling and that's how

art is made are you passionate about this?

of course! I'm passionate about everything!

use that while it's well it's hot man! you gotta strike the iron while it's hot

gotta use that passion while it's burning inside you okay you don't just

let opportunities like this pass you by if you continue to let opportunities

like this pass you by you're never going to strike this is an awesome opportunity

for you and it'll be okay for everyone else if you took advantage of this

mm-hmm opportunity now, and leave today

yeah, I'm gonna do it you get to do it

you're gonna do it!

today's that day DanMark!

yes!

okay ha here we go here we

go it's what's going on what's that how long have you had that?

what the camera?

yeah the camera yeah

not long we we had somebody trying to break in and now

we're trying to be just you know a little safer

Wow

that, a break-in, that is that that is so scary..

right? that that would happen

yeah uh-huh

I mean you never- you don't see you coming you don't think I

don't know

well at least I didn't take anything!

That's true! mm-hmm

They didn't uh- take anything

yeah no okay great

well I'll see you later

Lazergreg out!

Oh Frick I forgot my hobo bag

yeah feels good being back in the real world

it's weird

when I came back I expected everybody to be mad at me still but

it turns out there's a lot of people like me

Who like Lazergreg, because all the things that I say....

Hey guys! Lazergreg here! it has been a while, I just needed some time to figure some

things out I have something to get off my chest I

have not been completely honest with you guys and I need to come clean I need to be real.

after spending some time living with DanMark and really getting to know

him and talk to him and get closer to him...

I can really say with total confidence:

DanMark really is the worst fucking person on the Internet

it's not exactly how I expected it but

I think I finally found my audience

*distorted theme plays*