Original subtitles

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"During the ming dynasty"

"emperor yongle moves the capital to Beijing"

"after the move, the weather was fine, people were happy"

"for 8 hours"

after which fire attacks began

causing fires in the palace

the emperor was angry with his astronomers

help, I'm on fire!

Qin - yes

you said if we moved here, I'd be more powerful

more handsome and then some

the country and our people will thrive

you see this?

The thunder nearly striked me

explain yourself!

Your majesty, we've just moved here

dragon's veins are still connecting

and we need time to adapt

just stop talking

your majesty, keep calm

fire needs to be fought with water

I've ordered carpenters

to build a god of water statue

please take a look

What's your face, this thing looks so familiar

your majesty

I've never seen the god of water

I thought long and hard

only your majesty has the essence of a god

excellent

so I made this in your image, hope you can forgive me

my lord

I like to have fun too

no worries

thank you, your majesty

I'll put my head on the line

there'll be no more fire attacks

Shit

what the hell

dimwit

from my observation

fire attacks is not a wrath of god but a sign of treachery

What are you looking at?

Can't I look?

Of course your majesty can

your majesty, as ancient proverb said

women are made of water

a new consort whose four pillars are of water elements

can act as water

to fight against fire

bullcrap

you think our wise emperor will believe that?

A new consort is a solution worth exploring

but I don't think the queen will agree

why? How can she not allow it!

Your majesty is doing this for the nation

not for his own pleasure

having a new consort is the right thing to do

I'm sure our queen will understand

but a girl with such precise pillars

must be hard to find

not at all

being a pressing matter

I have already found this girl

I'm court lady soso, your majesty

rise

yes, your majesty

Your majesty

she is so stick thin

she must be malnourished

with ugly high cheekbones

she'll jinx her husband

how dare you!

Why are you trying to defy my will, you crazy?

No

Let me give you some news

this malnourish girl is my girlfriend

what!

I've made rules

banning courtship inside the palace

you've hidden her from me

getting it on behind my back

we haven't got it on yet

not that I don't want to

but she won't let me

however, our four pillars are a perfect match

please retract the rules and let us be together

alright, I don't want to break up the two of you

take him away and behead him

please spare his life, your majesty

I'll give you great pleasure tonight

I'll just sell you as a slave

you can no longer set foot in Peking

Soso is willing to work hard for this nation

I as emperor

definitely need to work hard with her in bed tonight

I decree s0s0o is now a concubine

lord ximen

you have done a great job today

- start procession - Thank you, your majesty

I've got to run

send soso to the solitary palace

without my consent, no one takes her to the emperor

understand

lord ximen

what does your heart desire?

My queen

I was cooking at home

I left the fire on, I want to go home

what's the rush?

Why don't you stay at my home?

Eunuchs!

Make him one

looks so sharp and a hook

qin and soso will forever be a perfect mismatch

Astronomer qin mentioned

having just moved north

dragon's veins are still connecting

mass migration requires changes

what he meant was, moving from south to north

moving people to the north to spur growth in the area

as to changes

the explanation is simple

people from the south needs to adapt

allowed their cultures to compliment each other's

slowly they gel together and became stronger

next

qi rides with the wind and bounded by water

in an endless cycle. This is feng shui

it has over 3000 years of history in China

it is our national treasure

so how does feng shui affect us?

Surroundings affect growth, growth affects personalities

then affect how situations are dealt with

which affect our fate

qin said there was treachery

just by looking at the stars

isn't that superstitious?

Meteorology is the foundation

to the study of feng shui

every stars and satellites

have an effect on us everyday

let's say the moon

the moon affects the changes of tide everyday

on the 15th of may, 2015

an asteroid, sf376, impacted on the moon

even though it's just the size of half a football pitch

it was enough to minutely affect the gravitational pull

so it minutely affected the changes of tide

which minutely changed the temperature of the sea

which was enough to affect lives in the sea

that day in Hong Kong

over 100,000 sardines jumped onto the shore of Stanley

an amazing phenomenon

many locals took some sardines home for dinner

but sardines have nothing but small bones

so a lot of people choked on their bones and went to the er

you can see it on this chart

that day the amount of people went to the er

is 50 times more than usual

so in conclusion

those people who choked

was affected by the moon

and the asteroid sf376

thank you!

Thank you for coming!

Cousin ray, your performance was fantastic

a lot of people made bookings

as your manager, I'm gonna be rich

why has your computer been loading since last night?

I was star watching last night

my ruling star was blinking weirdly

so I'm looking into it

"heaven & earth shattering inescapable curse"

Dad, what's up?

Son, how's your aura?

Absolutely fine

you need a clear mind to see human aura

your life is so hectic right now

can you really see it?

Of course

I've done some calculations

a meteor shower

will go pass your ruling star

and they will steal the ruling star's light

it's a heaven & earth shattering

inescapable curse

why don't you come home for dinner

and we can

I'm busy

let's talk later, bye

thanks god, this curse has nothing to be worried about

what do you know!

I just don't want dad to be worry

about that

clear all the work from my schedule

just let me stay at home, Netflix and chill

wait till the curse pass

I'd lose a lot of money

even I don't know what will happen with this curse

so why don't you just let me stay at home?

Then... can't we get few more tanks of black goldfish

to ward off the curse?

Goldfishes are weak, they can ward off everyday jinxes

but if it's a curse

ancient text says

only a human

can help ward off the curse

not me, let him... the driver

calm down

not everyone is suitable to be the black goldfish

they must have a matching four pillars to mine

don't worry

I'll find the girl with this four pillars right away

but where would I find a girl

with such a special birthdate?

Keep pumping my girl

you are destined for great things

you call pumping toilet great?

You zodiac face great obstacles,

affecting us both

I've faced obstacles my whole life

it's nothing, I'll be fine

it can be defeated,

if there's a major change in life

so I've decided

we're emancipating until the year of dog

master ray wrote it

hi!

- I'm here... - Pei pei

you're too late, I just sold my last mocha

to that gentleman there

Wait...

Stop...

Miss, you want a selfie or an autograph?

I'm sorry

hear me out

my supervisor loves caramel mocha

but you bought the last one

if she doesn't have this, I'll be screamed at

what if

you sell it to me for double what you paid

if your supervisor really is such a bad person

I'll suggest you to leave the company asap

let's go

bastard, fraudster!

Oh, damn!

Come on, jojo is waiting for us

come here

my eyebrows is a little messy

who'd care?

People pay me for my handsomeness

stop struggling

can you stop poking around?

It does look quite good

one

two

three

- hey! What are you doing? - Scared?

Stop it, stop taking photos

why can't I take pictures?

It's you, the feng shui fraudster

- stop it, give me your phone - Smile

I'm taking you down - hey!

Give me your phone...

Walk slowly if you can't see

hey, I'm alright

morning

hello

stay back... put your hands away

what are the lucky colours this year?

The year of rooster is entering the centre position

so avoid the colour white

wear clothes that is green or cyan

to give a positive vibe

jojo's here

how did this happen, are you feeling better?

It's nothing, just a mishap

a mishap?

You seems proud of it

she was trying to spray you, why did you duck?

Basic instincts

it's you who fancy jojo, you could have come alone

why did I have to come?

Just look at my face

I've told you many times, I'm all about my handsomeness

so am I

you...

Ok, I've done my part, I'll show myself out

wait...

Don't go yet

jojo needs our help

you know how my dad is super superstitious

we've hired a new feng shui consultant at the company

and the business has been great for the last couple of years

but my dad's health has been deteriorating

I feel something is not right with this consultant

ray, jojo is our friend

his dad is like an uncle to us

now he needs us, how can we do nothing?

Yeah

who is this consultant?

Ximen ding

How long does this take?

It'll be over soon

This is cool

I'm dizzy

You can do this

Are you alright?

Ok

Boss

I just proudly performed with spells, pyrotechnics and actions

the heaven formation has been set

I'm going to take a look at the feng shui right away

I guarantee you good health

and stamina

- you alright? - Dad

I've brought ray here to take a look at the feng shui

uncle

Master ximen

master ray

Such a pleasure

I'm going to take a look at the feng shui

show off, I'll go over there

What's he doing?

Don't know

maybe cleaning his cat's litter box

What's up?

Excellent, the four charms bearers are here

Dragon's vein is here, it is here

Five coloured earth equals the five elements

it smells fresh

tastes sweet with a note of spice

and a trace of gameyness

take a bite

that's where our dogs go to toilet

Uncle

green dragon is drinking water on the left of your house

white tiger is standing watch on the right

vermilion bird is flying over the top and tortoise is behind supporting you

the feng shui is excellent

just excellent?

This piece of land brings great fortune

a singular dragon's vein

down the spine of the land

the legendary "100 birds praying to Phoenix" set up

a victorious piece of land

your luck will be better than ever for 180 years

then why has my dad been having wet dreams?

He actually wet his pants a couple of nights ago

well, that's a good thing

the limited edition handbag is mine!

They are my ex-wives

why don't I have that limited edition handbag?

It's just a misunderstanding

the boss has bought each of you the limited edition

really?

See

it's my fault

the bags are here, why don't we go inside?

This way - let's go

master ximen said it is in my nature to love and care

that's why

he wanted me to move my exes, to live nearby

to take care of them

yeah

smells good

if you don't mind me asking

what're their Chinese zodiacs?

They're all tigers

tigers?

That's the problem

as master ximen said

this is the "100 birds praying to Phoenix" setup

moving your exes nearby is a kind gesture

but "a mountain isn't big enough for two tigers"

and there are three

tigers will kill the Phoenix setup

that's why you're not well

what are you looking at?

Can't I look?

Of course you can, boss

it's burnt

you can move your exes to live elsewhere

one to Asia, one to Europe

and one to Africa

there will be less squabbling if they don't see each other

excellent idea

if I move them

I don't have to rush around

to make three dinner dates each night

dad

I want ray as the chief designer for our casino city

I thought you agreed that I am the chief designer?

- Calm down, I haven't said yes - Dad...

Alright

masters

if both of you can work for us

it'd be our honour

so what if I pay both of you

each of you come up with a plan

then we'll choose the winner

it's decided

our evil plan was nearly done

I thought being a villain was going to be easy

with a hero turning up out of nowhere

would that spell trouble for us?

Not just yet

I foresee a curse is heading towards ray

he's looking for a human black goldfish to ward it off

if 1 can find the ultimate jinx

and put it by Ray's side as the human black goldfish

he'll definitely be in deep shit

how can I keep on trusting you?

You've used so much of my allowance for this luck sucking setup

to find the jinx

but just look at them

how could these weaklings jinx anyone?

I'm looking for the ultimate jinx

so I've used every way possible to suck them dry

suck them dry?

Suck them dry

take a look at this tablet here

flat chested ho pei pei

she has worked in this luck sucking setup for a year

still looking bright

she's not only well

but won 200 dollars cash at annual dinner

breath in and out...

Looks like she's the one I've been looking for

the best thing is

she's not only tough

but her pillars make her Ray's "kryptonite"

the perfect mismatch

Personal safety

"li bai tries to catch the moon reflection"

a very bad fortune stick

if it's about personal safety

you're in danger

maybe someone will punch you in the face

that fun?

You're such an optimistic guy

still smiling after a very bad stick

of course

it's your personal safety I'm asking about

what?

Master

Sticks interpretation, fortune telling, face or bone reading?

I want to try séance

an excellent choice

who do you want to contact?

I want to contact my father

and your name is?

Ho sum-on

sum-on

dad

is everything going against you

keep losing when gambling?

100% accurate

do you know why?

Why?

Because your four pillars are against pei pei's

what should I do?

Tell your daughter to go to the hr department

and change her birthday record to this

then lady luck will smile at both of you

but dad, how come you wrote this already?

Never mind about the details

the meter maid is here

I thought she just left

dad

your dad just left

he's dating Marilyn Monroe

to see Michael Jackson's concert

up front in the mosh pit

never mind

you'll be fine if you do everything your dad said

if you don't...

The tow truck is here

I'm coming, alright

just do it

yes - good girl

shit

miss wang, thank you so much

for changing my birthday information

I owe you

it's alright, I admire a filial child

to be honest

changing your four pillars is really working for you

right after changing it

master ray chose you to be his assistant

I want to be honest with you

I don't want to be his assistant

he's just a fraud

really?

But jojo seems to like him a lot

she's so young and dumb

dumbfounded easily

I don't want her to get con by ray

being her next step-step-stepmother

I don't want to say too much to cause tension

you wear size 377?

47 for her

it's alright

no

Why don't you do me this favour

work with ray, gather evidence against him

show the world he's a fraud, fight for justice

if not for yourself

then do this for your mother

she's a big fan of his

haven't you always wanted to be an interior designer?

Yes

I promise

if you can get evidence against him

I'll promote you to become our chief designer

in charge of interior design to our casino hotel

really?

Thank you

thank you

morning

why are you here?

My boss asked me start working as your assistant

you?

Take off your shoes

This place is well dench, must have rip-off loads of people

pardon?

Nothing

just saying it's pretty here, you've got good taste

you really were born on 21st

of November 1983 at 10?

Yes

your manager asked me many times already, ok?

You two are so fussy

use a coaster

how can a girl be so messy

no manners at all, dumping things everywhere

what's this?

Don't touch

why not?

That's the deadly Trinity spot in my home

the rocks can suppress the deadly Trinity

it's also a piece of contemporary art

I commissioned a Scandinavian artist to make it

you called this art?

It's just some rocks

the study of feng shui is profound

it can seek the past and looks to the future

getting a grasp of the future

is the only way to happiness

you know taekwondo?

This...

Was from a the junior Olympics...

What was that?

If you are so good, did you predict I'd punch you?

You're crazy

how come there's just one black goldfish?

This is the black goldfish

it sacrifices itself to protect its master from jinxes

you're so cruel

black beauty

poor you, sacrificing yourself, is it worth it?

Listen to me

I'm going to get ready upstairs

you stay down here and don't touch a thing

not a single thing, alright?

Ok

Art?

Who are you?

I'm big brother

big brother

how can I help you?

I want you to pick a date for...

I have three no's

what?

First one is

no walk-in

let's make an appointment to see you now

of course, no problem

the second rule?

Second is...

No one with bad intentions

are you saying my boss has bad intentions?

Be polite when you speak with the master

yes, boss

apologise

I'm sorry

it's fine, it's nothing

it's alright

when I first lay my eyes on big brother,

I knew his intentions

are very pure

And the third?

Third is...

No gangsters

then I'm in the clear

us who work in the loan business

are with heart of gold

lend people money in their time of need

a philanthropist

then you're in the clear

everything's fine

So can we begin?

You mentioned you want me find a date to...

Wait outside

yes, boss

Hi

I just had a check-up

the doctor said I have testicular cancer

I know I look like a bad guy

but I am a very nice person

I love my wife and my mistress

Look

my youngest son is only five

do nice people carry a cleaver?

I've quitted a long time ago

it's just a way to scare people

I don't want to die

no one ever really wants to die

first, blow your nose

you should get advice from a

different oncologist

if you're unlucky, they tell you the same thing

then the sooner you make the move the better

master, will my balls be saved?

Have faith in modern medicines

you need to find a good doctor,

keep your spirits high

and along with my...

"Get a life, illness. Balls saving feng shui" package

you'll be just fine

thank you, master. You're a saviour

my manager will contact you, rest in peace

I said

go in peace

- bye - My balls are in your hands

Can't eat that

that's a feng shui pebble

are you alright?

Spit it out, quick!

Spit it out...

Eye drops

in the drawers, get some

- come on... - Hurry up, it's hurting

I've found it...

Here

"super glue"

wait... just wait!

Where is chen?

Look

she's going out with her lover, she's not coming

going out? We're one short. Who's that?

Hello, I'm Tina

chen asked me to come in her place

welcome

thanks

2 wan - hurry... hurry up

damn, going mahjong

2 circles and she'd win big

sorry...

- That's filthy, cover your mouth! - What was that?

Just play - here

three great scholars

one, two, three...

Five hidden Kong - this lucky?

- With 7 bonus tiles - Pei pei's mom, you're great

let me tell you, after changing my daughter's four pillars

both of us have never been luckier

hurray

do you know the game?

Why would you play two circles?

What have you got?

What have you got?

Be careful what you play

don't let pei pei's mom going mahjong again

I'm not even allowed to pay out

life's so hard

oh my, 9 bamboos for a big one

I'm sorry...

Why don't you cover your mouth?

If I can't play the tile, maybe pei pei's mom will draw the tile to win

who's that on TV?

Here's a 9 bamboo for her

hurry up

draw to win...

Pong

nine stones

come on

play it...

South wind

play something

who's that on TV now?

Which one?

Lucky I've got another one

come on

alright

draw the tile...

Pong - my turn

can you stop doing that?

Get lost, I like it

it's your turn, hurry - okay

hurry up

- I've got nothing - Play something

shit...

I'm going to lose

just play it

I can only play this tile

- what is it? - Thirteen wonders

wait - it's ok

me too - me too

one-shot win

one tile with three mahjong

- you've gotten mahjong, too? - Well done

- what have you got? - Stop peeking

good shit...

You're so lucky today - yeah

mom - pei pei

I'm home - you're home

good girl

how was work with master ray today?

I'm fine

but him? Not too well

- why? - Yea...

Who are you?

I'm Tina

Tina?

Alright, I'll let your guys carry on

alright, get some rest

hey, your daughter is working with master ray?

Yes

- we are both fans of his - Nice one

Ray's rich, talented and good looking

have you noticed his eyes

they look like Tony leung's

he can be a gigolo if he's not a feng shui master

you're right - definitely

I know another feng shui master

called ximen ding, I think he's better looking

rubbish

master ray has big eyes with long eyelashes

that ximen guy has tiny eyes and long nostril hair

no way! I've just seen a new advert

he's so cute and good looking in it

you mean this one?

That's the one, turn it up

I don't want the advert

to add a lot of cg after the shoot

to show off how soft my clothes are

oh my god!

I can't take this

a grown man pretending to be cute

exactly

he makes me sick

disgusting

it's not my fault, the director asked me

I mean asked him to do it

why are you defending him?

- Why? - Why?

I just think you gals are being unfair to him

ray is the bad guy, he's much worse than ximen

Tina is right

mom, did you know it was really scary today?

I saw it with my own eyes

he met with a gangster today

they were picking a date for a hit

did you record it?

Don't young people like to record everything?

If you did

you should send it to someone you trust

like your boss, so there is a backup

because if your finger slips

and deletes it

that would suck real bad

come on, let me take a peek

stop it

the doctor said my eye is stuck close for a few days

she's a maniac

nearly blinded me

how could she be my black goldfish?

Maybe this is fate

fate's my ass

you told me black goldfishes recognise their master

just cut to the chase

if you are raising a fish, you need to feed it

if you want her to ward off the curse

maybe the best way is to make her your girlfriend

let her fall for you

then she'll sacrifice herself for you

I'd rather be cursed then chase after her

the choice is yours

alright, I'll go after her

there are sausages, eggs

there's also a super delicious hotpot

all of these are for your breakfast

happy?

Why are you being so nice?

Do you think I'd trust you?

You put laxative in them?

I've slept on it with one eye opened

I realise I was wrong

these are part of my apology to you

please be the bigger person and forgive me

go on

here

what're you doing?

I'm feeding you

go away! What are you trying?

You think this is fun? Do I need you to feed me?

You try it, go on

Mrs. li is here, I better start working

take your time

I was really unlucky last week

trump told me to get into the stock market

but the market hit the circuit breakers

I lost millions

last night, at the horse races

trump gave me some tips

but nothing went my way, lost everything I betted on

why would a well educated woman like you

listen to someone like trump?

These days, the rich rules the world

you are both handsome and smart

still you work for me

if you can earn to the Max

then you'll be the ultimate winner

yes

right, the due date is around Christmas?

That's why I want you to choose a date

great

the third Sunday of December

it's quite a good day

all the elements of goodness are there

can't be on a Sunday

there will be a derby race, no...

How about the tenth?

Can't, I need to go to ring the bell at the NY stock exchange

how about the thirteenth?

Isn't that black Friday?

Do you know what you're talking about?

No...

Just pick a date in November

what's wrong with you?

Won't that be too early for the baby?

Let me worry about that

what's best for me is the most important

that is ridiculous

Mrs. li, if you're still not happy with the dates

don't worry, I'll pick a few more dates...

What's with your attitude?

Do you know who I am?

Mrs. li, she's retarded, ignore her

- what's wrong with you? - This way, please

you're not fit to be a mother

you put yourself first instead of your baby

is that right?

Did I speak out of line?

Who the hell is she?

What...

What is she saying?

What I'm saying is...

You should learn to be content

only contentment will give you happiness

you have everything, yet you're not happy

happiness is the real winner

you...

Mrs. li, don't be angry

the anger might hurt the baby

she's just jealous and envious of you

- come, this way please - What're you saying?

Ignore her, it's nothing

I'll keep picking dates, until you're happy

unless you fire your assistant

my friend and I are done with you

we'll go to master ximen

Mrs. li

what happened?

Tell him

come on, fire me

I can't stand her

it's your fault, I have to let off some steam

Jack

Ray, why is our class at a cafe?

Because I'm teaching face reading tonight

so I want to be in a place with many people

to read different faces

similar to enneagram, face reading is based on statistic

even FBI uses them to analyse criminals

look over there

the man playing with his phone

his chin is full, lips are red

teeth are clean, philtrum wide

he should have loads of kids

dad!

Daddy

got you kids cheesecakes!

Not bad

that man with a blue top

bony cheeks, squinting eyes pointing downward

his brows are also down with a mole on the right eye

he should be a slave to his wife

spot on

baby, your coffee

what's wrong with you?

I asked for skimmed milk

do you not understand english?

This is full fat!

I'll take it right back...

Wait a moment

have you booked a table?

For two

"mole next to eyes lead to adultery"

"a slanted mouth means devious heart"

let's sit here

Man ching

are you upset?

Remember how I want to publish my poems in the us?

I remember you had a name for you poetry work

"a man and a pen"

but I also remember you telling me if it sold well

you'd marry me

"a man and a pen"

"and"

"ah lam is my friend"

baby

you're so special

your opinion means nothing

if the Americans don't think so

they said, they can publish my work

I have to slip them some money under the table

where'd I find the money?

Pei pei, my baby

I don't need your help

you don't need to worry about helping me

I only want you to know my situation

silly, who else would help you but me?

If I don't have enough

I'll beg and borrow for you

thank you

Hey! Why have you taken me here?

It's boring stuck in the house all day

isn't it nice to take a walk?

Promise me though

you'd stay calm if you become agitated

why would 1?

Well

rollercoasters and pirate ship might agitate you

Be careful - careful

let's sit

having a good time?

- And you? - Yes

You know that girl?

No, why would I?

Stay calm

you promised you would

do I not look calm enough to you?

Dearie, my stomach is acting up, I need to take a dump

I don't want to be swinging around

and explodes all over the ship, alright

I have a fear of heights

why don't you stay, and I'll wait on the ground

I don't want to puke while the ride is going

sir, please take your seat, we're about to start. Please

sit down

sir, take your seat

- I'm scare of heights - Sir, sit down

it's about to start

That's a nice kick

how're you feeling?

Feeling better?

If so, dinner's my treat

American or...

Why did you have to butt in?

What good does it do for you?

Are you getting a high off it?

I just wanted to help

so I should be thanking you

do you hate me this much?

Am I so bad?

I really didn't think about it like that

ok, looks like you've not done venting

why don't you kick me again

alright, come on

hit me, come on

get lost

hit me

hey, hit me, come on

why don't you pretend that I'm your ex, come on

hit me - I said, get lost!

Got it

let me set the mood

"A man and a pen"

"ah lam..."

Are you alright?

I'm fine

it's to make up for my kick. This is good for you

thank you

this is one cool bike

I'm going to the work site, you want to join me?

On this?

Of course

trust me, I'm a good driver

let me drive

the bike might be too big for you

what?

We'd be fine, you're here!

Hey

can you slow down?

- What? - Slow down!

What?

I said

can you slow down?

Faster?

Are you alright?

Yeah

I shouldn't have breakfast on an empty stomach

I'll be fine after having lunch on an empty stomach

how do you think I drove?

As a person without a license you drove pretty well

I'm going to rent a boat

This is weird, my feng shui compass is not working

maybe the reception is bad in rural areas

how would it affect the program itself?

There must be a disturbance in the energy

the energy?

You know nothing about feng shui

- who are you talking about? - You

I'm best at feng shui

I don't see it

boss, we want two glasses of soya milk. Thanks

are you two on a date?

Dogging?

No

We are from the hung's group surveying the site

- you're not welcome here, leave! - Go!

Get out!

Assholes! We don't want a casino hotel

leave now

or we'll do it by force

ximen, what are you playing at?

Ximen ding?

What the hell

how did you recognise me under such good disguise

but you've forgotten to take off

your limited edition trainers

shit

since you saw through this, you leave me no choice

You scared?

You can tell he's extremely venomous by his look

keung is my bff

we care for each other like brothers

on my command

he'll attack

am I right?

Good boy

keung

attack

keung

bro

damn you, you bit me?

If this is what I can do to my brother

do you see how cold blooded I am?

Imagine what I'll do to you?

Boss

ximen, are you okay?

I've been poisoned

but there's no need to be afraid

as this herb can clear the venom

Damn it

this herb can clear the venom

but I forgot to sanitised it, I've been poisoned twice

poisoned twice in such a short time is not easy

but I've done it

aren't I awesome?

I'm dizzy, let's go

I've had enough

boss, don't die on us!

Does he have nothing better to do?

Never mind, let's get to work

This island is a circle within a circle

in the shape of a yin Yang

it's an island of Harmony

circle is a vessel of happiness

nature and wildlife will thrive

this is a perfect land for happiness, family and money

this place is so comfortable

it would be a waste to build a casino hotel

they should build a park here

so everyone can enjoy the nature

you're crazy

- hey! - Our boat

- let's the mosquitoes feed on you two - Hey!

The mosquitoes here are famous

big and poisonous

rashes will be the size of my fist

bro

it's my fault, I'm sorry!

Take me home!

Why are you so scared?

I'm scared of mosquitoes

- what? - I'm all about my handsomeness

you really think you're handsome?

Relax, someone will pick us up

no one is picking us up

Aren't you afraid mosquitoes will bite your handsome face?

Use it

sit

where did that came from?

I've been unlucky my whole life

so I take this with me all the time

I've got everything in here

do you have chili sauce?

Yep

extra hot

and hot

you're pretty content for a jinxed person

yeah

my mom taught me

life passes us by

not caring if we are happy

so when life gives me lemons

I make lemonade

I'll be there to enjoy it

Use this

thank you

I must have been spraying like crazy, sorry

it's fine

well

I have some repellent left on me

if you don't mind, I can sit closer

Thank you

Sorry

Look, there are so many stars

from a astronomy stand point

our earth is going around the sun at 30km per second

and our sun...

Is going around the galaxy at 230km per second

and our galaxy is going around the universe at 600km per second

cut it out!

What's with all the theories?

Let me ask you a question

if one equals four

and two equals eight

three equals twenty four

then what does four equals?

96

Why?

If you put the cardinal numbers against the function

4 times 1is 4, 4 times 2 is 8, 8 times 3 is 24

then 24 times 4 is 96

wrong

the answer is 1

as I said right at the start

1 equals 4

you are really smart

but you think too much

you think about the past and the future

but not about the present

just keep it simple

Beautiful

yeah, the sunrise is beautiful

it's beautiful!

What are you saying?

I'm saying your aura is beautiful

it's been a long time since I can sense an aura

your aura shows you are a kind person

you shouldn't be jinxed

only my aura is beautiful?

You are beautiful too

Really?

Your...

A boat, a boat is here

hey!

- Here! - Hey!

Here!

Hey!

There's a boat

hey, we're here!

Be careful

Looks like pei pei is going to get lucky

my plan is working

stop stating the obvious

the hero is here

why are you here?

It's tea time, the egg tarts from this place is delicious

come on, have some

What's wrong?

Hey

you've noticed?

Those egg tarts are from a top bakery

see if you secretary can get us a few?

Also see if they have hotdogs

with extra relish

How come your office has so many big routers?

This is the best Wi-Fi hotspot in the office

and so many microwaves?

Our boss is very nice to us

she said, no squabbling if we have one each

do you know the feng shui here is really bad?

Microwaves is in the middle, electronic waves around

along with the cold air, they hit your brain cells

every cell inside you will be effected

every cell?

Also

look

there are no spaces between my finger and its reflection

which means this is a two-way mirror

someone has been spying on you

this feng shui setup is called

"evil office lockdown"

it's the worst thing a boss can do to their staffs

working in this room

your health and luck will be suck dry

suck dry?

Suck dry

but I'm amazed

you still look so good after working in here

master ximen designed this office

never thought of him as a villain

maybe the mastermind is not him

but someone from higher up

damn

I think he suspects us

what's there to suspect?

You're the mastermind

we have to stay strong as villains

be proud of who we are

from this day forward

there are two of us

but I'm jinxed

from this day forward

you'll not be jinxed

from this day forward

I will not allow anyone to bully you

from this day forward

you've said enough

everything is happening as I planned

if we let them continue down this path

and wait for their true love kiss

Ray's curse will begin

Today is one fine day

here's my casino hotel design

what do you think?

Well...

I think...

It lacks...

Some bliss

bliss?

This is what I called bliss

come on, sit next to me - cool

so what do you think? Blissful enough?

Something's still missing

what?

Bliss is achieved

why is that?

East is that way

you like sunrises

What

son, I've been cooking, come home

you idiot

I'm busy right now

What are you doing?

Your family?

My dad

why don't you talk to him?

You don't get it

whenever I talk to him, I feel...

Agitated

how old is he?

Fifty-six

fifty...

Let's say he's fifty

fifty

how many times do you see him each year?

Definitely once in Chinese new year

then... fate decides

which means none

how long do you see him each time?

Four hours?

That's too many

let's say three?

If your dad lives to ninety

take away 50, that's 40

if you see him 3 hours each year

you add that up, that's 120

there are 24 hours in a day

which equals

that means

you only 5 days left to be with him

are you serious?

Life is one big subtraction

time moves on without us

you should figure out how to make your dad

happier now

if it isn't for you, ray wouldn't be home for dinner

I wouldn't get a chance to see him

am I the first girl he took home for dinner?

He has only inherited one good thing from me

and that is being extremely faithful

he might be good looking, but he's still a virgin

really?

Of course

I'm not asking you

you go and set the table

let me try a little

it's delicious

he doesn't know what he's been missing

I keep telling ray to come home

for dinner because I miss him

when I was younger

I was also a renown feng shui master

I was so occupied

I neglected my family

when Ray's mom passed

I finally got it

coming home for dinner is precious

but it was too late

that's exactly what I think

but ray doesn't agree with me

looks like I'm more like your daughter

the way I see it, you might well be soon

did I miss something?

Talking behind my back

nothing

did you invite someone else?

My friend

a lady friend?

Mind your own business

play nice

I'll try - be nice

you're all sweating, let's take a bath together after dinner

stop it, my son is here

your son?

Mom?

Mom?

Please, start

bon appetit - I'm so hungry

uncle, how did you meet my mom?

Our encounter

was down to fate and arranged by cupid

we used tinder to find each other

tinder

have you planned anything for your futures?

We are still young

so trust me

I'm serious about this relationship, cross my heart

I'll do everything I can to give her happiness

kwai

I hope you won't be offended by me asking

- did you buy this place? - No, rented

- rented? - Yes

you two never thought about buying a house?

Are you saying

my dad is wrong to rent

dad, relax

I'll call my realtor tomorrow, and buy you a mansion

I'm sorry, we won't put it in your names

do you think I really want a mansion from you?

My mom has worked hard all her life

I just want her to have a good life, am I wrong?

Just name what you want

it's a winter romance for my dad

as his son, I'll give him the best of everything

thanks

- 800 box of Chinese wedding cakes - Fine

20 tables for the banquet

I've got lots of friends, let's make it a hundred

we are not in this for your money, so the dowry...

Just pay as you please

but an engagement ring is important

it can't be less than 5 carat

5 carats?

Is she your mum or a Princess?

My mom is my Princess

she has put all her hopes on me since I was little

encourages me everyday that I'm destined for great things

but I'm jinxed, never lived up to her expectation

I think my mom has found someone she loves

which means the most to me

I want to give her the best possible

am I wrong?

Babe, you have always lived up to my expectations

ever since you came into my life

the fist time you said mama

the first time you walked

the first time you were ill, learnt how to tie shoelaces

they were all a big deal to me

the only thing I expect from you

is to be happy everyday

knowing that makes me happy

pei pei, I love you

I'm really happy, I love you too

I'm sorry

come on, ladies

this is meant to be a family dinner, not a soap opera

here - thank you

women shed tears so much more easily

come on

let's make some dessert in the kitchen, let's talk

come on, let's go

I'm sorry

I'm was just playing with you

I didn't know you were serious

you found it funny?

I only have one mother, of course I'm serious

you too

you only have one father

and he loves you

why can't you be nice to him?

I love him too

you can ask him,

how much allowance I give him

is money the only way to show affection?

Of course not

there are other ways

like what?

Like

a hug

and

a kiss

what's that?

I'm trying to show you my affection

I knew this won't work, you'll reject me

I'm not rejecting you

it's nice

but I just feel

you can use...

More passion

really?

Alright

then let me show you passion

let's add a couple of eggs

it's gone bad

I'm coming

oh no

Was that passionate enough for you?

Hey, what are you doing?

Excuse me, sorry

hello

hey, you're trespassing

according to a reliable source

ray is a fraud

apart from scamming

he's also in contact with gangsters

so I'm in the dragon's den

to get some real answers

master ray, so are you a fraud?

You're crazy, shut your mouth

stop filming

it's alright, I expected you to deny this

but we have pictures to prove it, take a look

a gangster boss

you've sneaked into my house

I can sue you for this

it's your right to sue

but we won't be the defendant

this was taken by someone

named ho pei pei

from his look

you must be her

thanks for the video

we have $500 for you as a reward

- I... - How could you?

Stop stuttering, let me tell you who she is

she's a spy sent by wang kailin

to get evidence against you

so she can get a raise at the company

can you hear me out?

You don't need to explain yourself to him

the reason he's been nice to you

is that you are the perfect black goldfish

to ward off his curse

what black goldfish?

Son, how could you?

Busted

I'm the black goldfish who sacrifice itself for you?

My pillars are faked

I'm not the black goldfish you need

you promised me

I'll never be jinxed again

but to be honest

knowing you

have brought my jinx to a new high

I never want to see you again

pei pei

master conman, now it's all blown over

what are you feeling?

Nothing? Tell us what you're feeling

- privacy, please! - Hey,

dad's got nothing to say?

Today's show has been amazing

don't you get tired of watching this over and over again?

Of course not, never with this

I'm ecstatic

ever since Ray's been labelled a fraud

all the shows and sponsors

want me to replace him

I'm going to be on...

"Feng shui idol"

and "feng shui master's got talent"

I'll be a hit for sure

babe, you're amazing

it's down to your support

come on

someone's here

ignore her

she can't see us anyway

come on, I just learned the "speed bump"

come on, let me show you

Hello

ok

It's alright

remember to pay your uncle a visit

what did cousin Jack say?

Nothing

just said that you're broke

the house, your cars are gone

give me a knife

let me kill myself

every single curse

has a positive side

positive side?

What's positive about no allowance for you?

That's nothing

we can make do

what's vital...

Is we have more time to see and chat to each other

which is great

your analysis makes me so overjoyed

never realised me being broke can be so great

do you remember when you were a kid

what's the first book I let you read?

It was I ching

and what's the first hexagram?

Ch'ien

ch'ien is heaven, above and below

nine at the beginning

it means: Hidden dragon. Do not act. Right?

This slump is temporary

you should use this time to prepare yourself

come work with me at the market tonight

your nose is big but flat

you won't achieve much

thick lips are rounded

means you say the wrong things

also, your...

The truth is

on the outside

things aren't looking great

although, fate, luck and feng shui come first

there are still Karma, education

reputation, face, faith

socialising and health

you can do more charity work

study more

enhance your reputation and make yourself more approachable

by smiling more

that will make everything better

but most importantly, stay healthy

doing all of that will change your life

fate is actually in your own hands

thank you, master kwai

thank you

you're welcome - thank you

dad, I got it

our job is meant to bring hope to people

let's go home - alright

I'm sorry, excuse me, it's me again!

Fraudster ray

to work at a market stall must be a new low for you

so low you want to cry?

Thank you

Master ray

big brother

your son?

Excellent, thanks to you

I had the confidence to go in for the operation

my balls are like brand new again

brand new? Then congratulations!

Master ray, so has your luck change at all?

I'm sure it'll be better soon

good luck - thanks

say thank you, master

thank you, master

good boy

bye, good luck - bye

bye

bye

what're you doing?

Lucky charms?

Let me get some cash

wait

what now?

"New message"

Is it ray?

What does it says?

He said

here

what is this?

Why don't you youngsters just say what you mean?

What's the point of sending some maths problem?

"Typing"

"Deleting"

miss you

"typing"

"Offline"

what're you doing?

I don't get you young people these days

texting instead of calling

let me be

be a mensch

if you've made a mistake

then go and apologise

I will but not yet

pei pei is worried about me

I must pick myself up first

to stop her worrying

that is what a man must do

impressive

dad, where's our family feng shui compass?

Can I borrow it?

Take it, it's all yours

I thought you would never ask

The casino hotel is our most vital development this year

being the 21st century most sought after

hottest looking

best feng shui master

I was inspired by one of those guggenheim museum

New York's Eiffel Tower

last but not least

Paris' statue of Liberty

bringing modern architecture and feng shui together

also - how long will this be?

Ok

Without further ado

let's unveil my latest work

So ugly

so lame - empowering, right?

Are you not entertained?

Give me a round of applause

thank you

thank you

I took inspiration from the maneki-neko

maneki-neko, it's a cat

that beckons money

look at the hand

swinging back and forth

look how it's moving

it is waving at our customer

isn't it the cutest?

Please take a look here

why is there steam coming out of the nose?

It's because

that is where the sauna is

at the same time

you can get a happy ending massage

multi-tasking

a happy ending

human technology

after all of this

the group has promised for the next five years

to reclaim land and destroy the island's ecosystem

nope

increase the land size

on beckoning dog, ox, rooster

the complete Chinese zodiac

I'm sure it'll be a popular destination

- is cat in the zodiac? - Thank you

it's time

let's the chairman Mr. Hong to begin...

- The ground-breaking ceremony - Be careful

ready

one, two

stop

a huge amount of toxic minerals are under this land

if construction begins

both the chairman and vice chairman

will be charged with eco-vandalism

bullshit

you can either shut up or leave

ok, you leave

in my hand

is the ecological report

it says this piece of land

contains a massive amount of nickel and sulphur

if these two elements mix together

it'll become a massive piece of magnet

rubbish

I'll put my head on the line

there's no massive magnet under this piece of land

I told you

damn you

then why did it not show up on our report?

Someone high up must be covering this up

don't listen to him

I have no reason to cover up for him

I just learned the "speed bump"

This is the best reason

pei pei

how did you get this?

These only cost a few dollars on ebay

- how's the speed bump? - It's so bumpy

I'll be on the front page

going to Hollywood

Jack, call the cops

alright

what are you laughing at?

I'm happy

because your tablet is leaving

my tablet?

Flat chested ho pei pei

international airport

fried eggs - crazy

the great plains

itty bitty titty leader

table cloth on the table

Pei pei

Wait up

why did you leave?

Why would I stay?

Thank you

what for?

Thank you for your encouragement

I missed you

and I thought about what you said

you're right

the most important thing

is to live in the present

true happiness

doesn't come from knowing the future

but with your loved one

to create a future

can you make it simpler?

I don't get what you're saying

I did, but...

You didn't reply

What's that?

That's...

What?

I'm shy

but you said, our pillars is a mismatch

you'd be jinxed, if I stay by your side

it is because of the mismatch

that we were together

maybe that's what make us a perfect match

I don't care what the future holds

I want you

with you, we'll be fine

Wait...

You also said we comes from different planets

that's a good thing

why?

Then we won't be interbreeding

do you have no shame?

Who wants to breed with you?

Hey!

Hello, I'm here after the story of fraudster ray

no... I mean master Ray's big day

look at this cake, it looks so adorable

but where are the bride and groom?

What do you say we should do?

What can we do?

Can't you foresee everything?

Are you blaming me?

We were going to tell them we're getting married

yeah

how come they came out with it first?

Why didn't you stop them, smart-arse?

I tried

but when I started

you interrupted with congratulations

my mind just blanked

now they get married,

I suddenly become your little brother

little brother? I'm the younger one

just look at how well I keep my skin

people would find it hard to believe I'm older

whatever now, we're still a couple of mismatch

I don't want that

is there any reason why they shouldn't be married?

Speak now or forever hold their peace

we object

please hurry up

looks like they've got something to say

ignore them, they are crazy

the ring, put it on

the ring is on, carry on

I pronounce you man and wife

the groom may kiss the bride

I want that too

I want to get married

blond lady, can you please respect yourself?

Don't be shy

enough is enough, I've had it

you two have had your fun tying the knot

it should be our turn

you two get a divorce, it's our turn

and mom, I need to borrow your ring

borrow? I bought that, give it back

you think I'm crazy?

Stay right there

I'm coming to get it

you stay right there

come here, right now

come on, move - move

stop running!

We've just witness a winter romance

who will get their hands on that five carat ring?

We'll tell you after the break

this show is sponsored by master ray

see you later, good bye!

Having hotpot again?

Again? The last time we had hotpot was on Monday

but it's only Wednesday

what's wrong with that?

Then why did you ask me to choose?

Because I want to see

if you can guess what I want for dinner

the usual way, winner decides

come on

get me...

Hey, are you alright?

I've won, hotpot again!

I think lovers or married couples

can benefit from practising taekwondo together

you can fight it out over arguments

it can help improve your relationship

am I right, honey?

You've won. Of course you're right

but can we not eat super spicy hotpot?

Of course

let the next winner decides

let me off

you're the feng shui master, can you guess where I'll hit?

Wrong

I've told you so many times, I'm all about my handsomeness

so am I

sorry...

From this day forward

I'm jinxed

from this day forward

Good reaction, cut

piss off!

Cut

5 carats?

Are...

Hello, I'm Tina

my friend chen

hello, I'm Tina

my friend chen asked me

hello, I'm...

Hello

sorry, sorry