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Get out of here. Get out of here.

Stop that you're going tobreak it, can't you see?

How do you do, Mr. Dilweg?

It doesn't matter how I do.

Get out.

Get out, come on now.

Hello.

Hello?

- Oh, it's you. - Where have you been?

At the firehouse, fireman.

- Did you win? - What did we do with the host cards?

I saw the whole [inaudible] a couple drunken painters.

Anybody been here since I've been gone?

Yes, about 50 people.

How does it look?

Say, do you know since I've had that big electric sign painted,

our stamp business has picked up 100%?

They've been here since you left at about 10:00 this morning.

And they haven't made a single move in three and one half hour.

Why don't you get them out of here.

They never buy anything, they just borrowed matches all day.

You better come up and get your dinner, soup's on the table.

Coming right away.

Coming right away.

How about a cocktail?

They're already mixed all you have to do is put in the ice.

Oh, good.

- Oh, Papa. - Hello, dear.

Don't do that.

Stop it. Will you stop it?

What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me?

Shut the hell up.

What are you doing?

You're not going to tell me I don't love her.

Here, want to play?

Ooh, goody!

Hey remind me, that we'll order some more stamps tomorrow.

That's fine. That's fine.

That's fine.

- Aw, I want to do it. - That's enough.

- Let go. - Aw let me do it.

- Just a minute Pop? - Listen will you stop it?

Gee let me do it.

Is Papa's little angel going to sit down?

Won't Papa's little doll baby sit down?

Or will Papa bust this godsend--

What do you mean?

Have you gone crazy?

Sit down and behave yourself.

Gee whiz.

Mom, what's hypocrisy?

Ask your father dear.

Pop, what's hypocrisy?

Yes Deedee, that's-- say willy ou eat your soup and stop

asking silly questions?

And stop that.

Oh gee, I like to pop.

One more pop and I'll pop you in the eye.

I have a chewing gum on it now, and she makes a martini.

Get out of here.

Oh gee, I'm hungry.

Why don't you learn that kid some manners.

Teach, my dear, teach.

And it might be a good example if you would take your hat off.

I have hay fever, and another thing it has no top in it.

That doesn't matter.

She's eating the canary bird.

Ow!

Get into that room.

Wait a minute, not yet.

My ear.

Are you shamed of yourself?

Aren't ashamed of yourself?

Go over there and behave yourself?

Sit down there.

Oh gee, mom.

Just because I'm a little girl, you hit me.

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size.

Don't be insolent to your father.

You should see me down the firehouse

wrestling with the firemen.

I'd take six or eight of them and throw them over my head backwards.

Well, three anyway.

Who taught that parrot to do that?

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it.

What would you eat a canary bird for anyway?

Hello Ooleota.

Where have you been?

Cuthbert and I have [inaudible]

Cuthbert, that sissy.

How do you know?

You've never even seen him.

I don't have to see him.

I never knew a Cuthbert in my life that wasn't wasn't a sissy.

When I went to school as a kid, I licked every kid

in school named Cuthbert.

Shh.

That kid's getting awfully fresh.

Hey if that's for me, tell them I'm taking a bath.

I'll call them up later.

Hello?

Oh hello Cuthbert.

Am I surprised, Cuthbert.

Am I?

No, Cuthbert.

Really, Cuthbert?

Who told you that, Cuthbert?

Someone had to tell him, he'dnever find that out himself.

Really, Cuthbert?

Oh, Cuthbert.

Oh Cuthbert, that's very, very funny.

Yeah tell it to us.

Make us laugh too.

Well am I surprised, Cuthbert.

Yeah I bet you're surprised.

Well tell me some more about it, Cuthbert.

OK, this is getting too much.

Tell her more.

She's been talking to him for an hour, why don't you stop them.

Oh that'll be fine Cuthy.

Cuthy. It's Cuthy now.

It will be Cuth in a minute.

You're so cute Cuthy.

Yeah I bet he's cute.

You did, Cuthbert?

Mhm.

Oh yes, Cuthbert.

Will you make her stop please?

She cannot be rude dear.

Yes I would, Cuthbert.

You would, eh?

Surely, Cuthbert.

Oh.

Yes, Cuthbert, marvelous.

That's done it. She's making me sick.

That's good, I'm glad I have to go downstairs.

All right, Cuthbert. Sure I will, Cuthbert.

Hello? Yes?

Yes.

This is Dilweg's Drug Store, Mr. Dilweg speaking.

What's that?

Uh huh, I know what kind you mean.

Yeah the gentleman with thew hiskers, one on each side.

Yeah, uh no.

No, I'm very sorry. We can't split a box.

Yes, we can deliver them.

Yeah.

Where is it?

18 miles straight out on Route 96.

Turn to Route 13, and four and a half miles.

All right.

All right.

All right, a [inaudible]

We can deliver them this afternoon, yes.

I'll send my truck out with them right away.

Yeah.

All right, goodnight.

Just sold another box of cough drops.

Sit down in your chair properly.

What do you mean, I'm going in the ears.

I can't do nothing.

Cuthbert!

Oh you silly thing, you.

There go those chimes again. I got to go downstairs.

Dear Cuthbert.

- How do you do? - How do you do.

Is there a lady in attendance here?

Huh?

Is there a lady in attendance here?

Oh, oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

Yes. She'll be right down.

Hurry up downstairs. There are two ladies down there.

They won't let me wait on them, they want a lady to wait on them.

I simply can't go down looking the way I do.

I have to freshen up a bit first.

I'll go down, Pop.

You sit there and eat your spinach.

Will you hurry up down?

Well if I'm going to be a clerk in the drugstore

I'll simply have to get some decent looking clothes first.

Hurry up down, we're going to lose their trade.

Dropping, dropping, dropping.

She'll be down in half a moment.

Have you read "Mother India"?

"Sex Life of the Polyp"?

Cake a la Mode"?

Crash Every Tuesday?

An amusing little beggar?

There's so much, that's all.

Old Moscow in the winter.

Could I interest you in a stamp?

Yeah give me a stamp.

No, give me a purple one.

Oh I'm sorry, we haven't any purple ones.

I could paint one for you.

I don't want a painted one.

A person hasn't gotten any rights in this country anymore.

The government even tells you what color stamps you're going to buy.

It's pretty common.

That's the Democratic Party for you.

I have written to Washington about it.

What do you want to write to Washington for?

He's dead.

How much are your stamps? Three cents.

- All right give me one. - Thank you.

No don't give me that dirty one, give me a clean one.

Give me the one out of the middle.

Oh.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Pardon my fingers.

Is that all right Shall we send it?

No, I'll take it along.

Oh, yes.

All right.

You got change for $100?

No, I'm sorry I haven't.

Well I'll pay the next time I come in.

Just a moment.

Just a moment.

We're giving these little souvenirs away today with every purchase.

Well.

We won't be able to wait much longer.

Oh.

She'll be down in just half a tick.

She'll be right down.

Just wait.

She'll be right down.

Where's your-- Dear.

Close the door and get out of here. I'm coming right down.

Hurry up.

Those old ladies are getting very impatient.

We're going to lose their trade.

Oh, Cuthbert.

Oh I think that would be lovely.

That's right, eat your spinach. Eat your spinach.

I'm going on down.

She'll be right down now. Coming now.

What can I do for you?

Is there a lady's restroom here?

Yes, right over there.

The first door on your left.

Thank you.

You fool.

Why didn't you tell them?

They didn't ask me anything about it.

Ugh!

How are you going to know?

- How do you do, sir? - How are you?

Can I do cleaning?

Certainly not.

Do you think I'd break the laws of this great and grand

and glorious United States of Arms just

to satisfy your depraved taste?

A thousand nos.

I've never had or sold a bottle of liquor since I've opened this place.

No?

Well you're not fooling me.

I'll get you yet.

Huh.

Maybe, and maybe not.

He looked a little screwy when he came in here.

First time I saw him.

Did I understand you were just saying you were giving souvenirs away.

Oh, mother.

It's all right, yes, yes.

That's all right. Yes we are.

Oh thank you.

Oh mother isn't it lovely?

Aren't you glad I asked?

- Would you like one? Here. - Oh, you're so kind.

That's quite all right.

Thank you so much.

Aren't they gorgeous?

Whenever you want any stamps, don't forget us.

Thank you we won't.

Same place for 15 years now.

I control all the stamp business in this neighborhood.

Get that tomato sauce going.

Just grab that bottle off of there.

Everything's free here.

Everybody's great, it's all right.

She's liable to get diphtheria.

Where am I?

Dilweg's Drug Company.

This is Dilweg here.

What happened?

Ah!

That is the man again.

I have never saw her in all my life.

Get her some whiskey! Whiskey!

Huh?

Hmm.

Hello?

Hello?

Uh huh.

Misses Shwiginsnap?

Those cough drops haven't arrived?

Oh I'm very sorry.

Well I'm pretty sure, yes.

They'll be there any minute.

I sent them out at 3:00 this afternoon on the truck.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Wait a minute dear.

There's so much noise out here I can't hear a word you're saying.

There.

I want you to meet a very wonderful young man.

Mr. Smith, this is Miss Dilweg.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Misses Dilweg, rather.

Oh, dear, come here.

I want you to meet a very wonderful and brave young man.

He has just saved my life.

This is my daughter, Mr. Smith.

- Cuthbert! - Ooleota!

Uh huh.

I want to meet Cuthbert.

Uh huh.

Listen dear, go upstairs and eat your pogo

and then you can go jump on your spinach after.

Go dear.

Oh, but I want to meet Cuthbert.

Go!