Original subtitles

(jaunty electronica music)

- I don't think I've seen that one before.

I wonder what kinda tape this is.

Wow!

(television static)

(wind howling)

- [Narrator] Turn on your VCR.

Turn on your mind.

(backwards voices)

- [Satanic Voice] Throughout the ages,

Satan has guided us in his own divine way.

- [Chorus] We love you Satan.

- [Satanic Voice] He asks only

that we live in communion with him.

- [Chorus] We love you Satan.

- [Man] I want you to know something

that Satan is a total loser and he knows it.

- Do you know what type of movie your child is watching?

(laughs)

- [Woman] Let yourself take the journey

wherever this wants you to go.

- [Man] Kinda like you're looking

inside grandpa Jim's mind.

- [Radio Voice] You're witness to history

in the making.

- [Satanic Voice] What you are about to see

will change the way you view our world.

We pray it will change your life.

- Uh oh.

(woman screams)

- [Narrator] First, there was darkness.

(xylophone tinkling)

- Hi! I'm Cherub (laughs).

And you're gonna love this show.

- Prepare yourself, turn down the lights.

Crank up the volume.

This is--

- The Great Satan. - The Great Satan.

- The Great Satan.

(reggae music)

- I see we have a newcomer.

- Welcome to the house of Satan.

- Fasten your spiritual seat belts.

- Be prepared to have your illusions shattered.

- [Woman] You're welcome to a blood bath ritual.

- And the secret ceremony's only three days away!

- No matter what happens, do not touch me.

- [Man] Then touch your genitals,

right breast, left breast, and genitals again.

- I now call for the ceremony to begin!

(sinister laughter)

(gongs)

- [Narrator] What you are seeing

is an authentic first time ever on film

reenactment of secret Mormon temple ceremonies.

- [Woman] Be there at 11:54

for the gatekeeper of Hell to appear.

Bring your set clothes or black sheets.

- Why is everyone dressed in black?

- [Narrator] We will explain to you at a later time

exactly why he is dressed the way he is.

- Time to summon a demon.

- [Chorus] Oh birth mother who watches over us

- [Man] Master of Hate, Father of Incest,

Prince of Necrophilia, Serpent of Genesis.

♪ They say the danger's gone away ♪

- [Man] Come forth now.

- [Narrator] Rise now oh Dagon.

- Summon all your life force.

- Asdreth is Lord. Asdreth is Lord.

- Scarlegor the Master of the Universe.

(gongs)

(chanting)

(chanting in Latin)

(thunder strikes)

- My Lord Satan.

- State your business and make it fast.

- Sir, we're having problems of cataclysmic proportions.

- [Satan] Where?

- In the East sector, sir. The damage is vast.

- Is there something wrong with my abortion clinics?

- Oh no, sir. That's all fine.

- Is there a problem with my pet project,

television violence?

- Sir, it's covered. From videos to cartoons.

- Is there a disturbance in my false religion?

- Oh no, sir. Business is booming.

Over 40 million are into New Age and Zen.

- [Satan] Good.

- [Minion] Over 45 million believe in astrology.

- Well is there a disturbance in --

(explosion)

Only one thing causes warfare of this magnitude.

- Then sir, you know what we are dealing with up there.

- [Satan] Yes. It's some of those sanctified,

- [Minion] (mutters)

- [Satan] Spirit feel,

- [Minion] Saints of God,

- Actually - Presently

- [Together] On their knees in prayer!

(dramatic music)

(electric guitar music)

♪ Hey Satan

♪ Hey there Satan

♪ Would you come out tonight

♪ Hey Satan

♪ Hey there Satan

♪ Would you come out tonight

♪ Hey there Satan you're a hell of a guy ♪

♪ You like it down there where the temperature's high ♪

♪ Wanna party with you but I will will I have to die ♪

♪ Hey!

♪ Hey!

♪ Satan

- Hot damn.

- That's the hit single.

That's the one that's goin' right to the top.

- Welcome my children.

Welcome to the mountain.

- I'm Gaia, and this is my partner Ed.

- I'm Pastor John Hagee,

and I'm one of those

who have vanished off the face of the earth

- What you need is some real magic.

- Welcome to our new video, smelling invisible.

- You're not watching heaven's gates

and hell's flames by chance.

- [Narrator] We're gonna be presenting to you on video,

some of the most bizarre and unbelievable things

- [Young Man] What you're about to see is hardcore truth.

- [Man] We're gonna talk about a system,

a strategy of smelling invisible.

- Here's a picture of your folks watching our videotape.

(screams)

- All you need is a corner.

And a chair! That's all you need.

And the other things you need are

a bible, a mirror, a picture of Jesus.

- And, noodles.

- I took the facts and put them all into this one video.

- Pay attention to notice the reverse

of everything that is normal becoming abnormal.

- If you reality has set me free!

- Can't show you the whole story

because it would be too shocking for a Christian video.

- I wanna share some of the secrets of--

(whacks)

Oh!

- It's dangerous and it's gotta be exposed.

- [News Caster] It may be the most important telecast

that you ever see.

♪ Now listen my children to this warning I make ♪

♪ We've got a lot to lose

♪ There's a lot here at stake

- This is merely a tool to help you get through the summer.

- We're gonna have a great time together.

(record scratch)

Nah, we gonna have a straight up blast.

- People paid seven dollars

to watch a man defecate into his own hand

while he was nude.

And that is just the beginning.

- Okay, let's begin.

- [Woman] Our search for the devil

began in this club in the Midwest.

- It all happened in Ohio.

- The first thing you must do

is look for signs that Satanists might leave.

Hmm. Haven't found any yet, but I know they're out here!

(laugh track)

(gunshots)

- My God's better than your God.

- That's right.

- [News Caster] Are you willingly participating

in another religion?

- For the answer we look

to the number one best selling book of all time.

- It's never been outsold.

- Where's the book?

- Can you tell me the name of that book?

♪ It's the good book

♪ Take a look

♪ It's the B-I-B-L-E bible book ♪

♪ It's the good book

♪ Take a look

♪ It's the B-I-B-L-E bible book ♪

- [Man] The facts are there.

- Long time ago.

- [Man] When God breathed fire into the universe

the light gave birth to angels.

- [Man] These powerful and intelligent creatures

found their greatest joy

in doing the bidding of the Almighty.

- We are able to do whatever the master wills.

- Let me bring out

one of the world's recognized angel authorities

to tell you about it.

(giggles)

- [News Caster Man] God created one extraordinary angel.

- [Man] With the great gift of free will.

- [Dramatic Man] This mastermind

is called Satan in the bible.

- I'm sure you can recognize who I am.

- I'm the one they call Scratch.

- You know fuck it is.

- Old Nick.

- Uncle Nick.

- Lucifer. Beelzebub.

- He's the horn headed dude in the red pajamas.

- The devil.

- El diablo

- I'm Psalty, the singing song book.

- Maybe you know my name, but what's confusing you

is the purpose of my game.

- [British Woman] Satan had a part

in creating the world with God.

- [Man] I believe Satan was the choir director.

- God's most beloved angel.

His original right hand man.

- [Mark] Danny, the Lord doesn't play favorites.

- Yes he does, Mark.

- Whoa! Danny.

- Whoa!

Well you must be an angel.

- [Man] Lucifer, when he fell from heaven,

was knows as the most beautiful angel ever created.

- I once basked in the light of God's love.

- Let's get straight to the point

and find out how it happened.

- [Man] As God unfolded his plans,

they were given the opportunity to obey.

- [Man] It's a command of God, it's not an option.

- So what you're saying is that God brain washes

and forces us to do what He wants us to do.

- Let the world know that I am God.

♪ So he went before the throne of God ♪

♪ He said

- What kind of God are you?

- Let's check out God's resume.

Created Universe, earth, man, human brain, baseball.

- [Man] Satan rebelled.

- Shake his fist in God's face

and say eff you God.

- [Narrator] Enraged, Lucifer

cunningly convinced the spirits to fight with him.

- [Man] The bible doesn't reveal

exactly what weapons were used,

or how long this cosmic hunt lasted.

- That's enough, Lucifer.

You spoke your piece, now go.

- He cast Satan out of heaven, because--

♪ Ask and it will be given to you ♪

♪ Seek and you will find

- Even if we don't understand why.

♪ He made a fool of the devil

♪ And all of his crew

- It was a truly Christian act.

- Drop dead!

- Man, you sure do know your bible.

- That's why they call me Bibleman.

- [Narrator] In the twinkling of an eye

- [Woman] I wake up every morning

wishing that they had killed me.

- I hate wildlife.

(howls)

- [British Woman] I can't honestly believe

that I've, sort of, crawled out of a river or something.

- [Woman] The professors!

- [Man] How can they be sure of anything?

- [Woman] My teachers!

- [Man] They weren't there.

- [Woman] They were wrong!

No! No!

- Hello.

- We are all animals.

- This is no animal, these bones are human.

- [Narrator] Imagine the terror

our ancestors must have felt

as they emerged from the caves.

- [Together] The cave man blues!

(electric guitar)

(slide whistle)

- Human beings are God's biggest muck up.

- I'm free. I'm proud.

- I'm so confused.

- The forces that propel the human animal forward.

- [Woman] Have you never thought about any of this before?

- Why?

- Oh, because it--

- Looks like a cockatoo.

(bird sounds)

♪ Cluck cluck cluck

♪ Cluck cluck cluck

♪ Cluck cluck cluck

♪ Quack quack quack quack quack ♪

♪ Quack quack quack quack quack ♪

♪ Quack quack quack quack quack ♪

(babies crying)

- You are far more important to God

than all those little birds.

♪ Do not worry about tomorrow

♪ For tomorrow will worry about itself ♪

- I found the snake!

- [Man] He cannot withstand the serpent!

- The fruit had apparently given the snake

the ability to speak!

- Why this is the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

- Those wouldn't taste very good.

- Go ahead, take a bite.

I won't tell.

♪ No no no no no no no no

- [Narrator] His charming words were carefully calculated

to instill a distrust of God.

- If it had been a snake, it would have bit me!

(screams)

- I'm not an entomologist,

but that was no killer bee sting.

- [Woman] Even children are being taught to accept the snake

through yoga positions like the cobra.

- To feel that the consumption of meat

lowers their vibration level

think nothing about drinking their own urine,

or better still, cow's urine.

- Whoa! Negative karma fossil man.

- What are you talking about.

- It was those crazy goat killers I keep telling you about.

- The devil is my only friend,

the goat was 666.

- [Man] This is a flaming goat head.

- [Gruff Man] It's pure evil!

- [Man] Satan started talking through the dog.

- So you could have your very own devil dog.

(barks like a dog)

- (whistles) What a dog.

- Dog food is made for dogs.

Because God, or because dogs rather.

(howling laughter)

- That's why animals like to be petted to much.

You're putting healing energy into them.

- Do dogs go to heaven?

- Abso-turtle-lutely.

- I got their cat.

(meows)

Can you believe it?

(phone rings)

- Magic 8-Ball hotline.

♪ The amazing cat

- [Woman] And when the angel turned around,

the face of the angel was a cat.

- [Man] A black cat had it's own coffin.

A little kitty coffin.

♪ A stubby green beard grows upon the land ♪

♪ Out of the soil the grass will stand ♪

♪ But under hoof it must bow

♪ For making milk by way of a cow ♪

- When you get some milk in there,

can I have some? I like milk.

- (burps) Got milk?

- [News Caster] I'll bet if these creatures could talk

they'd give the citizens of this city a big vote of thanks.

- I think it's a terrible thing,

and someone should do something about it!

- You don't like animal sacrifice.

- I don't really like to hear the squealing animals

in the cemetery when they do their rituals.

But they give me free vodka!

- [Man] Everybody likes Ozzy Osbourne.

Man, he tried to kill a chicken on stage once.

- A chicken without feathers is still bald.

- Fried chicken, baked chicken,

roasted chicken, chicken pot pie.

- [Man] Make my day.

(gunshot)

- Animals become vegetarians during that time.

(screams)

- Worst kind of wounds are hairy on the inside.

- [News Caster] Trousered apes.

- [Dramatic Man] And a mouth that spoke boastful.

- [Man] Torturing fruit flies.

- And drink it or eat it.

I believe that by doing this

more power and more ability was being placed into my body.

- I guess you're wondering why I'm on this wall.

Well you see, I'm trying to hide from God.

- We've got bigger fish to contend with.

- [Man] The devil roars like a lion

to try and scare you,

but he's just a defeated animal.

- [Man] Don't monkey around,

let Jesus come to live in your heart.

♪ Love to be a duck for Jesus

♪ 'Cause Jesus is my friend

- There are a number of wolfery clubs

all over the Unites States,

that young people become involved in.

- We worship and adore you (mumbles).

- [Man] She died of love. Your love.

- How come everything's

such a fancy-schmancy production with you?

- [Woman] Ask yourself that question

within the solar plexus.

- Have you ever wondered what goes on

behind the scenes at Chuck E. Cheese's?

(club dance music)

- [Woman] Now focus on this chakra,

and pulsate orange.

- [Man] This moment in time

has the qualities of this moment in time.

- Next, the question of castration.

- Did you know a girl can get pregnant from

eatin' avocados? Really!

- We just want the avocados.

- What do you think about sex?

- God created sex. It's awesome.

- You mean she can do all that inside a computer?

- Oh I like that idea.

♪ You got your penis and your prostate and your ovaries ♪

♪ You got your fimbriae and your scrotum sac ♪

♪ And if your hymen is gone it ain't coming back ♪

- Have you done your kegels today?

- I had sex. - You have to have sex.

- Sex was God's idea.

- God created sex, it was his idea!

Not yours.

Even the stupidest of you in here can get this.

- [Together] Virginity! Is! Cool!

Come on come on.

Virginity is cool! What up what up.

Virginity is cool! He's got it he's got it.

Virginity is cool! Come on, come on!

Virginity is cool! What up, what up.

Virginity is cool! Come on, come on!

Virginity is cool! Come on, come on!

- [Demonic Voice] Virginity is cool!

- Sex is very much a sacred thing

for magicians of all backgrounds.

- I call upon the spirits

of all the greatest sex experts to ever live.

(heavy breathing)

- [Woman] Experiment with any position you want

with your hands.

And you can also use crystals.

- [Narrator] If papa becomes passionate

baby feels like he's in a washing machine.

- I find that hard to swallow.

- That's what she said.

- That doesn't make sense!

- It made no sense because they're not Satanist.

- I don't understand.

My mommy is married to my daddy,

so where does this new guy God fit?

- He's on top.

(moans)

- What does that mean?

- That means pleasure in sex through pain.

- It's not everyday you get a chance to fuck a ghost.

- Terry get away from her!

- [Man] This is where the power of pornography

in our society begins to play it's role.

- Then end of porn boulevard you crash and burn.

- And pornography is free, if you pay for it course.

- Oh well that's too bad, she said,

we would hate to lose you to a mouth hole.

- [Woman] And all this oral and anal sex pictures.

- Sex with pregnant women. Sex with crippled women.

(speaking in foreign language)

- She she, he he, me me, we we.

Us, them, they, any kinda sex you want.

- I'm soakin' wet.

- You had two guys on you at once?

I shoulda been there!

- Sounds delicious.

- [Man] Jesus Christ stripped Satan naked.

- What's happening? How did I get here?

- When you butt, make sure that you keep your knees bent

and you lean forward.

- But not only is that still fornication,

and biblically a sin,

- You're breaking God's heart. You know?

And I mean a condom's not going to stop that.

- So Jesus I want you.

(whistles)

- And you know what's going to happen when Jesus comes,

don't you?

♪ Thank God that Jesus came

- So God has sex with a child?

Whatchu talkin' 'bout Johnny?

- Now don't imagine Jesus kissing you on the mouth.

See the meaning of it, not the picture of it.

♪ Thank you Jesus

- Never ceases to amaze me,

the things that God puts his finger in.

- Has the great Satan taken to a vestal virgin

laid her out on the table and fucked her yet?

- It's time to fuck!

(sheep bleating)

- [Man] Satan was a very beautiful creature.

- [News Caster] A disgusting God,

he stood there half man half goat,

naked, sexually suggestive,

promising his worshipers fertility.

- I F-U-C-K like a beast.

- I am here to conquer your mind

and possess your body and soul.

When I enter your body it will cause your demise,

and you will belong to me forever.

Yes. Feel me.

Enjoy me.

Love me always.

♪ I'll be with you when you hold me ♪

♪ I'll be with you when you need me ♪

♪ Something I've got to know right now ♪

♪ Do you want me everlastingly

- Kinda makes you want to go

to the refreshment stand, doesn't it?

- Has anybody ever unleashed their serpent tongue at you?

And you died inside?

How many of you have died inside?

- [Children] Yes!

- You feel so good.

- I certainly love you Mrs. McGuire.

- Mrs. McGuire, oh I like that.

- A real man would not

shoplift the pootie from a single mother.

- I didn't shoplift the pootie.

Alright, I shoplifted the pootie.

- Yeah that's it. Don't stop. Oh please.

- You're not very excited.

- I'm sorry. I'm just thinkin' about my bro.

- Nice.

(screaming)

(bottle thumps)

- Holy Jesus what was that?

- Did anybody feel that?

I felt that.

She touched him.

- And how many Christians

make love to their television sets?

- Our ratings will go through the roof.

- Something to think about.

- If you can watch what we just saw

and your heart not break,

you might just take your pulse

to make sure you're still alive.

(screams)

(electrical buzzing)

- [Man] Your union will produce a son.

One who will rule in exalted glory.

- [Man] He walks the earth

looking for a woman ho will bear his child.

- [Woman] I ended up getting pregnant actually, that night.

(screams)

- [Narrator] Giving birth

is one of life's most challenging and transformative events.

- [Man] The most damaging moment

occurred before you were born.

- Somethin' bad is gonna happen because of that.

- [Narrator] The baby's due any day now,

but everything's under control.

- Look at her back!

(screams)

- [Woman] We are called upon to open and surrender

to this unknown force.

- This called a hip opener.

- All of a sudden there I was,

being born.

- I could feel myself exiting the womb

and coming out.

♪ Be born again

(squelches)

♪ Be born again

(squelches)

- You were already born once.

Why would you want to be born again?

- [Woman] After the eggs hatched, the woman died.

Do you know why?

Because the babies ate her brain for nourishment.

- Happy fucking birthday.

- The most important day in the Satansist's life

is their birthday.

- [Woman] Birthdays are great.

- Surprise! - Surprise!

- Happy birthday Cecil!

♪ We're havin' a birthday jubilee ♪

♪ So won't you come here and pop with me ♪

♪ Lift your spirits ay up high

♪ All the way up to the sky

♪ Hip hop

♪ Get down and jump around

♪ Hip hop

- By human standards

your offspring will be horribly deformed,

but he will be beautiful in the eyes of Satan.

- Satan is mommy, Satan is daddy,

having cute little baby.

♪ One child will make a difference ♪

♪ One child could change the world ♪

- Each baby has a right to live.

To enjoy all of the possibilities that God planned for them.

- You know little babies enjoy their assholes.

♪ 'Cause I'm a baby, a little baby ♪

- This is the bible. Love the bible.

Ooh I love my bible.

You wanna hold the bible?

(baby cries)

- This is the first baby I've ever had.

At least that I know of.

- Sell the idea of breastfeeding to your wife.

For dads, this requires zero preparation time.

- Kill all the male children.

- Explain to her how easy breastfeeding is.

Tell her how you've seen other moms doing it!

Short moms, tall moms, third world moms!

Besides, breastfeeding in public is uh, a fashion statement!

- [Demonic Voice] I was born to murder the world.

- Oops, sorry!

- I believe kids power can help save this planet.

- Where do we get kids power?

- We need 103 healthy children.

- Fresh unsullied innocence.

- [Man] The younger the body, the purer the blood.

(jolly tune)

- [Woman] Close your eyes and just relax,

while I lead you in a guided fantasy.

- Hello out there kids!

It's me, grandpa Jim!

- My name is Ben.

- Nobody really knows that I'm here.

- Nobody?

- [Man] Never talk to strangers.

(screams)

- I be scared!

- Do your best and let God do the rest!

- There's only three things that are needed.

A child. A child. A child.

- Duane's Underworld. Duane's Underworld.

It's party time! It's excellent!

- Pass me the pie.

♪ So she finally shut her eyes

- You know what a slumber party is.

This is where got a lotta little girls,

age 10, 11, 12, 13. They undress.

- Father, I'm scared.

- [Man] Lay hands on your children!

- Wiggle your fingers to make sure they're still there!

- What in the hot lava is goin' on here?

♪ Boys and girls are everyone's delight ♪

- Then kids won't have any more bad dreams

or be afraid of things that aren't real, like monsters.

- I come for thee.

- Bad dreams are good.

You're worrying too much.

- That child looks at that and says,

I want to be powerful.

- Wow! - Wow!

- Wow! - Wow!

- That's what I said too. Wow!

- Whoa! - Wow!

- Wow! - Wow!

- Wow!

- Wow!

- Whoa. - Wow!

- Wow, it's great to be a vampire!

♪ My friend tried to make me look at the dirty book ♪

♪ He's just a crook

♪ 'Cause one time he stole from the store ♪

♪ Took it out the door

♪ Tried to get me to do it too

♪ Man I was tempted

- It's not easy being a kid these days.

- That's how Satanists dress.

- 'Cause that's just the way kinds are.

- You're a fucking choir boy! A choir boy!

- [Presenter] Coming up next,

how to haunt your child's bedroom.

- Yeah, so?

- Do you think other children will be coming?

- Can we come too?

- Oh why not?

(applause)

- I got everything I need.

CDs, refrigerator, TV, video games, satellite TV.

- I have seven CDs, and three jam boxes.

- I really do love it here.

- I chose to come here today

instead of playing by myself in the backyard.

- I feel so good since I asked Jesus into my heart.

(heart pumping)

- You've been watching a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

- Our children are being lobotomized

by behavioral psychologists.

- [Demonic Voice] Kids and the Occult.

♪ Forever

- [Man] Where was Satanism when we were kids?

Why didn't we get into it?

- [News Caster] Because apparent concerts

that some Halloween costumes can be linked

to devil worship and Satanic cults.

- What's wrong, honey?

- Sometimes I don't obey.

- Punish him with the rod severely.

♪ Stand up and get down

♪ And stand up and sit down

♪ And stand up and sit down

♪ And stand up kneel down

♪ And stand up sit down and stand up ♪

♪ Kneel down and stand up

♪ Sit down and stand up

♪ And kneel down and sit down

♪ And stand up and be glad to obey ♪

- I can't believe how stupid these other kids are.

- [Child] They care about kids like us!

- It's not only older people who have to face death.

- They are trying to get children at a very young age

- What? Hello? Hello?

What's that, the kids are all getting sick?

- Did you know that in the United States

every day 12 children are killed!

- [Children] So what?

- And you can't see to kiss here it hurts.

- All people like the others die.

- The child shall die a hundred years old.

♪ And I will L-I-V-E

♪ E-T-E-R-N-A-L-L-Y

- I think that's your mom and dad's decision.

- What business of yours is that?

- Your freedom is based on the fact you are God's child.

- I think this is one time it's okay to say yes.

♪ You are my God

- Our children don't have to wind up in the backyard

sacrificing chickens to a moon god.

- Being a kid is kinda like that.

- [Together] That's nonsense.

- But even the nicest people in the world

can become monsters.

♪ So if you're filthy

♪ Smelly

♪ Evil wicked and cruel

♪ You'll be right at home

- I told you to quit watching that junk.

- [Man] I can come into your house

and I can assault your kid.

- [Man] You're not gonna bite the kid!

- Can't help myself.

- He especially likes little girls

that don't listen to their--

♪ Daddy will explain it

♪ If he had the time

♪ But if he doesn't

♪ I'll just have to trust him

♪ Do it 'cause daddy said so

♪ Do it 'cause daddy said so

♪ Do it 'cause daddy said so

♪ Trust, obey

♪ And do it 'cause daddy said so ♪

(yells)

(sustained note)

- Mommy, hug me, hug me.

- No!

- [Together] You can't leave.

- And that's when the darkness came.

- Kill him.

- If it makes a child happy, it's always right.

- Why didn't you accept Jesus while you had a chance?

♪ You are the devil and the devil is bad ♪

- Oh mighty Satan destroy those who love God!

- Children are sick.

- [Child] Um, I think you guys are pretty dumb.

(phone clicks)

- Caller? Caller?

- Almost there.

- I have the body of an infant and the head of a goat.

- [Announcer] Without sharp edges that cut little hands.

(screams)

♪ I may never march in the infantry ♪

♪ Glide in the calvary, shoot the auxiliary ♪

♪ I may never zoom o'er the enemy ♪

♪ But I'm in the Lord's army

♪ I'm in the Lord's army, yessir ♪

- Technical foul!

- Surprised to see me, Clarence?

- No! You're dead! We killed you!

- They made me do it.

- I killed'em both with my bare hands,

'cause God helped me!

- We thought for a while there we'd lost you!

- I'll be watching you.

- You really had us worried!

- [Together] Hi Clint! We missed you.

- Gimme five!

- Coming up next, we're gonna talk to a woman

who's a former member of a Satanic cult

who watched her own child sacrificed.

- They sacrificed a human baby.

So I just left Hollywood the next day,

I didn't know what to do.

- I want you to know that Satan hates

this generation of young people.

- [Teenage Girl] A lot of people think it's tough

being a young person today.

There's drinking, there's drugs.

Teenage pregnancies, and even suicide.

- What in the world brought you to Freedom Village?

- Suicide, um Rebellions, - Suicide?

You weren't successful were you?

- No. - Did you kill yourself?

- I have feelings. Nobody understands me!

They look at me and they put me down.

Worthless.

- [Man] Even our youth has gone insane.

- There were like really weird dudes.

- God is looking for geeks here tonight.

He's lookin' for nerds.

- Asthma's for dweebs, right?

But wait. You're no dweeb!

- Well I'm a typical teenager!

- Hey I'm a teenager!

(vocalizing)

♪ So hey, what's that you say now ♪

♪ Say you got in with the wrong crowd ♪

- [Announcer] Buzzwords from the street.

- Far out!

- Wazzup homie!

- [Parrot] Wazzup homie!

- We're into the south side snakes hood.

♪ Dance dance

♪ We're kickin' it for Christ

♪ Dance

♪ We're kickin' it for Christ

- [Man] It became quite common

to see young people stick safety pins

through various parts of their body.

They're the ugliest people

that I've ever seen in my life!

- Uh, It's gonna be the crime of the 90's.

- Everybody says so,

Hope Donaghue, Oprah, Sally Jessy, Larry King.

- I think it's a bunch a' well to do white kids.

- I think we can use some uh,

devil's horns from everybody right about now.

(kissing sounds)

- America really needs one confirmed case

of a pregnant teenage boy.

- [Woman] What's the benefit of Satanism

as you see it to teenagers?

- [Man] Drugs, sex, power.

- I never knew getting my own way could be this easy!

- I believe that I have a telepathic power of some kind.

- [Thinking] Drop dead you old cooter.

- [Teenage Boy] Pretty cool huh?

- Yeah it's great.

- [Teenage Boy] But you know mission dudesters,

you can't stop God's word.

- I'm all for it. I'm a Satanist myself.

(dramatic organ music)

- They're very street smart, some of these Satanists.

♪ You are the devil and you are bad ♪

- [Woman] They start by the Ouija board

and getting in touch with the spirit.

- That is why a Ouija board is not a toy.

- [Man] We would like to classify 'em as the dabbler.

- Your dabblers. - Dabblers.

- Dabblers. - Dabblers.

- The kid who kinda dabbles around in this stuff.

- [News Caster] They wear the clothes,

try a few rituals, and listen to the heavy metal bands.

But some go further.

- Carl. Uncle Carl.

- Drugs, heavy metal music, role playing games.

Animal mutilations.

- [News Caster] Possibly a little graffiti.

- And popularity is everything.

- [Teenage Boy] Ouija board wasn't enough,

so we started getting into the uh incense books.

- [Woman] Teenagers across America

are playing with a new and frightening game.

- Could this be some kind of Dungeons and Dragons game?

- [Man] Believe it or not,

you can learn spells right out of Dungeons and Dragons.

Kids will learn them from the Ouija board.

- [Man] John's slide into Satanism began

with his obsession with the fantasy role playing game

Dungeons and Dragons.

Little did he know that months later,

he would be drinking blood in front of his schoolmates.

(demonic moan)

- [Man] Do whatever you can do

to drive your parents crazy.

- I practice magic.

♪ But you, you have never given me ♪

♪ Even a little goat for a party with my friends ♪

- [News Caster] Teenagers also tend to be impatient.

- I won't tolerate this language from you, young man.

- Fuck you, butt head.

- He tried to kill himself and kill his parents.

- [News Caster] When one or more

of these warning signs are evident,

you should look further for ritual items

such as a pentagram, black or red robe,

a chalice or goblet, black candles,

a personal diary with a black cover,

a decorative dagger, or knife.

- How does it work?

- Many parents don't understand that they have the right,

not only the right but the responsibility,

to go into their children's room.

You are not violating their privacy,

because their privacy belongs to you.

- Who are the most important people

to little girls age 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.

Who are they always talking about?

- Mother? Daddy? Grandma? Grandpa?

How would you like for your daughter

to bring this gentleman home for dinner?

- Thank God my kids are grown,

and I don't have to go through this.

(gibberish)

♪ Sometimes in life

(buzzer)

- [Woman] It's Monday.

- Damn!

- [Man] If you are working inside an office right now,

many of the conditions surrounding you

are the same as those you will find in--

- [Deep Voice] Hell.

- See me in my office!

- I'd like the opportunity to be assigned to that account.

- I don't think so.

- I'm a construction worker.

Not a computer guru.

Are there jobs for people like me?

- Congratulations Carl.

- Listen, honey, could you get that report for me?

- Okay.

- They're gonna look at you as if you were a product.

- [Naked Woman] The report you requested, sir.

- But I wouldn't want just everybody to see my resume.

- Now we have selected three men

who's builds and careers represent a good cross-section.

- Say Mr. Fat Rat, exactly what kinda work do you do?

- Oh, even that word makes my back hurt.

Son, I'm one of those rare souls that doesn't have to work.

- [Woman] Negaholics.

♪ Not working works for me

♪ While other critters sweat and strain ♪

♪ That kinda thing drives me insane ♪

(big band music)

- That's it babe, I am gone.

(demonic gurgling)

(laughs)

- You're fired!

♪ Got another new invoice

- Speaking with your mother-in-law

for the third time that day.

- You enjoy my suffering, don't you.

- [Man] My sperm count's low, my toilets are plugged up,

and my cat's pregnant.

- [Narrator] The death of a favorite pet.

- [Woman] That's why they use animals

as their messengers off doom.

- My dad and my mom are getting a divorce.

- They should call a mechanic.

- They should call on God.

(nervous laughter)

- Where was Jesus when Mike left me?

- He's at home, washin' his ties.

- All of a sudden that hot pot exploded

and tar flew all over me.

- I'm so ugly.

- My parents are dead.

- Remember when our parents died?

- He was killed in a gang shootout.

- I'm sorry.

- Boo-hoo.

- Looks like I'm gonna be Mr. Peanut Dick

for the rest of my life.

(sneezes)

♪ Some people they got the wrong idea ♪

♪ They think that bein' sick

♪ Must be God's will

- This was that terrible thing

that you said was going to happen.

♪ Well ya did alright

♪ Well you're doin' alright

♪ Alright mon

- This is terrible

- That's terrible!

- That's terrible!

- It's terrible! - Terrible.

- Terrible! - Terrible!

- Terrible. - Terrible!

- Terrible. - Terrible.

- Ah, that's terrible.

- [Man] That was the greatest thing

ever could happen to that guy,

is that his body could be burnt.

- Sometimes if it's too easy, it's too easy!

- There's more to life than feeling good now.

- I didn't choose to be this way.

- This is where they planted me.

- Thousands die every day in the Sudan, of course.

- The unloved ones.

- When God looks at us, he doesn't have any favorites.

- Somebody, nobody, somebody, nobody,

somebody, nobody, somebody, nobody.

- [Man] He could not undo what had been done,

but the door to the past was locked.

- Sometimes life can be scary.

- It's just too depressing!

- I feel helpless.

- I know how everyone feels.

- [Man] God does not answer prayers,

he chooses to let us be treated unfairly.

- But why?

- God cursed the earth.

- How disappointing!

- Maybe she needs to pray more!

- Or pray harder. - Or pray better.

- I don't want Jesus! I want Mike.

- [Narrator] Miles Peterson gave up.

This is the zone of no hope.

♪ My days are cold my nights are bleak ♪

♪ Death and peace are all I see ♪

♪ Please God please

♪ I wanna die, I wanna die

- But wait. The situation's not entirely hopeless.

♪ You'd be better off dead

- I always loved you Cory.

- No dad.

- Don't!

- Broski no!

- Kill me.

- Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

- Really wanna kill yourself, I'll show you how.

(screams)

(explosions)

- There is no escape.

- Don't listen to this man.

- Remember what the bible says!

(intimidating music)

(speaks foreign language)

(chanting)

- Lords of the underworld, hear me your servant.

- (mutters) I command you come forth!

- I conjure and command thee Prince of Darkness!

- Come now!

- (speaks foreign language)

(explosion)

- You called me?

- Go away and leave us alone, ya nasty old devil.

- I have the power to grant you anything you wish!

- Make your request.

- [Man] Unimaginable riches

that are a big part of hip hop scene.

- Fame. - Money.

- Guys.

- And money.

- And guys.

- I wanna big dick.

- The stakes are your soul!

- We trade in our eternal souls

and he gives us shit.

- I'd sell my soul just to be a pimple on her ass.

- We'd like to offer you a lifetime contract.

- Did you say contract?

- No no, my dear, contract my dear,

contract, read my lips.

Just take this pen my sweet, and sign on the dotted line.

- Why thank you, I'm flattered.

I'll sign my name right now.

♪ No no don't do it

- Nobody's paid attention to what's going on

because Satan wants your soul.

- Believe in any of that stuff.

- Have you ever seen your soul?

- [Woman] I want you to visualize your spirit

around you and inside you,

as if it's a nice sun, or a cloud.

- Ooh spirit.

- [Preacher] You see, your spirit's down

on the inside of ya,

even though you can't see him, he's still there.

- [Man] You must save your soul.

- [Preacher] And resist the devil!

♪ Don't fall for Satan's tricks ♪

- Remember, it's your choice.

- We all have free will.

- The choice she makes must be her own.

- Choose your own destiny.

- You have two choices.

Join our crew, or die.

♪ What am I gonna do

♪ Do do do what to do

- [Together] Deal!

- It's a deal.

♪ Now you really made the hippest choice ♪

- A rapping rhino?

- Um, shouldn't we sign some contracts?

♪ I'll sign my name

♪ Charity Churchmouse

(sinister laughter)

- I own your soul.

- You made a deal with the devil.

- I sold my soul to the devil and the price was cheap.

- [Man] That's a really bad deal if you ask me.

- Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.

(cackles)

- The hour of Satan has arrived.

- I must now do your bidding.

- Alright.

- All of us are gods.

- The human being is the center of the universe.

- We're creating all of this. All of it!

- We're like God in many ways.

- You're so different

that you get to make up your own rules.

- Real life is found in fun, and doing whatever feels good.

- Always have fun.

- I could do whatever I want!

- I answer to no one.

- So don't ask me why, ask yourself. Why not?

- I'll tell you why. I dunno why!

That's just the way it is!

- [Man] I want the women, I want the guys,

I want the booze, I want the drugs, I want the occult.

- [Woman] It's an addiction to evil.

- If thou do that which is evil, be very afraid.

- I'm be scared.

- So this is the way occultists tell each other,

hey, we're Satanists, and we're partying.

♪ Party

♪ Party

♪ Party

♪ Oh yeah

♪ Party

- Okay, let's turn this wake into a party again.

- Alright. - Yeah!

- Woo hoo.

- Yeah!

Who's next?

- Do you wanna do a couple a lines or anything,

no you don't do much drugs.

- Dave's the name and drugs are my game.

- Would you like a cigarette?

Or maybe an ice cold beer?

- Wanna smoke some weed?

- What would you do if somebody showed you a kind of needle,

told you to stick it in your arm to get high and feel good?

- It sounds like loads of fun, I would do it.

- Just for the record, I've never been high.

- Drug users are losers.

♪ Pushin' drugs and junk and alcohol ♪

- [Girl] Is that?

- Yep. Alcohol.

- Special buzz juice, if you catch my drift.

- Have a drink a this and take a few a these!

- Do you do drugs?

- Uh no.

- Go home and smoke something!

- No, cigarettes are bad for you.

(laughter)

- This ain't cigarettes.

- Okay, so what is it?

- It's the coke in your ear.

- It's the real thing man.

- You know pot, marijuana.

- Acid, 'ludes, cocaine.

- This here is a psilocybin mushroom.

- You name the trip, it's in the bag.

- My salvation comes

in little white packages.

- But they give me free vodka.

- The first one's always free.

- Alright Louie, give me your pills and start pouring.

- [Man] So you all shoot'n'toot so you feel better,

you feel better but you go crazy as a shithouse rat,

start seeing things like devil worshipers.

(slurring nonsense)

- My feet are on drugs?

- A lot of people right now are on tranquilizers

because of...

- Sometimes you just have to party.

- Come on Mother Goose, join the party!

- Party hardy!

- [Announcer] Play, win, party!

- Party time. - Have fun!

(giggles)

- Let's have some fun.

Marshmallows.

- Alls you do is take a big sniff

and go on the ride of your life.

(sniffs)

- Bam! You start hallucinating.

- [Man] You were drugged?

- I mainlined with Satan.

- [Man] If you really wanna see your mind,

you gotta be ready to rip your skull off.

(conch horn)

- [Narrator] People achieve this state every day.

And so can you.

(sounds overlapping)

- [Disembodied Voice] Check out the swirling colors.

(electric guitar)

(rock and roll music)

(sudden explosion)

- [Narrator] Was Andy's angel encounter real?

Or merely an hallucination from the drugs.

The next day, he quit cold turkey.

And replaced taking drugs with drawing angels.

- I'm not confused.

- Well what in the world is going on.

- Does anybody know anything around here?

- What's happening?

- What is it?

Geez. Carl! Carl!

- Jonathan! - Elizabeth.

- Simon. - Duffy.

- Edwina? - Howard?

- Sherry. - Gerry!

- George! - Eric!

- Marty! - Liz, Allen, Loopy.

- Wooby! - Goopy?

- Danny!

- My name is Danny and I'm here to say,

when it comes to drugs just stay away.

Don't be a loser and don't be a jerk

When you play and when you work,

I'm Danny!

- He's Danny.

- I'm Dan de dan de dan Danny.

If you wanna be smart, you gotta have a clear head.

- Drugs will make you crazy.

- They can even make you dead.

- If you're drug free, you can do whatever you dream.

- So come out and join the Danny Team. I'm Danny.

- He's Danny.

- Fuck you Uncle Gary.

- Did you know there's a song called Don't Worry, Be Happy?

- Yes, clap it, slap it, wrap it.

- And that's why you should join in

when DJ Doc Rock does those funky raps.

- Welcome to Hotel California.

- [News Caster] Looks pretty tame tonight,

but what happened here last night

would make most of us sick.

- [Narrator] Satan has always had the best tunes.

- [Man] We're putting out our own music,

Satanic music, truly Satanic music.

Not this heavy metal crap.

- Do not use plastic bags for your toilet.

- [Narrator] The Satanic message is clear.

- Your God is dead, your God is dead, your God is dead,

your God is dead, your God is dead, your God is dead.

- Hey hey my my rock n' roll will never die.

- But you sold your soul for rock n' roll.

♪ I wanna be in the band

♪ I need to be in the band

♪ I gotta be in the band, mister ♪

♪ I wanna be in the band

♪ I need to be in the band

♪ I gotta be in the band, mister ♪

- Yo, bitch.

- Oh, right on cue!

- My serve. Now gimme the ball.

(squish)

(groaning in pain)

(screams)

- This is a real keeper.

- Kids, it'll grow back.

(cheers)

♪ You'll never know in this life ♪

♪ I hope you never know what it's like ♪

♪ To lose your penis

♪ To lose your penis

♪ The way I lost mine

♪ We are born with the concept of right and wrong ♪

- [Narrator] Adolf Hitler

was born with the concept of right and wrong.

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Adolf.

- I'd like to listen to heavy metal.

- If you listen to heavy metal music,

the devil will make you kill your mom.

- [Man] What's the purpose of the band?

- [Musician] To create the most evilest music,

and to gain entrance into the southern gates of hell.

- [News Caster] We think young people

need to carefully examine some of the rock 'n' roll stars

they listen to every day.

- Like Slayer, Venom. - Slayer, uh Venom.

Uh, Merciful Faith.

- The Warlock Pinchers. - Uh Possessed.

- Uh, Ozzy, my man!

- One of the ugliest musicians I've ever seen was a lady

by the name of Alice Cooper.

- Well who's Pantera?

Well, it's not the metal band.

- 90's rage. Rage!

- Marilyn Manson have an influence on you, personally?

- Kinda sorta.

- [News Caster] Fred Durst, front man of Limp Bizkit,

is a total idiot.

- If you spend all day listening to Nine Inch Nails

saying I want to violate you,

you might have a little problem controlling yourself

on your date that night, ya think?

♪ I want to violate you

- [Narrator] If Master P continues to follow Satan,

hell is certainly his destiny.

- There'll be a day that 2 Live Crew gets on their knee

and says Jesus is Lord.

Ted Turner will bow his knee.

- You had your fun, now it's time to...

- Why don't they have songs out

about being true to your school?

Why don't they have songs out

about eating your brussels sprouts?

♪ Come on

♪ Do the vege-boogie

♪ Come on

♪ Do the vege-boogie

- Oh boy! I like songs about that!

- Well that's what it's about.

- I mean, there's always

The New Kids On The Block, isn't there?

Well...

- This is the hymn of the Satanic Empire.

(repeating 666)

- Is there any other significance

to 666 that is very important?

- Yes. Six is one less than seven.

(roars)

- Maybe there's a much more sinister numbering system.

And maybe, it's sooner than we think.

- Now the party gets real.

- [Announcer] In the super slick world

of L.A's power brokers,

now at a sinfully low price of only $14.95.

- I want money.

I want more money than I know what to do with.

- Done.

- All the money wherever I want, kid!

- Sorcery sells.

- Show me the money.

- I'll show you God. M-O-N-E-Y.

- Look at that quarterly depreciation.

- I'd like to give a million dollars to God.

- Please Satan, can I have my money?

- Us insurance men, we gotta stick together.

- I walked away from a very lucrative real estate career

to do this full time, 'cause I really believe it.

- You have to be mean

to make the green.

- 100%, nobody gets (coughs) 100% on an investment.

- We can, because all things do work together for good

to them that love God.

- That, you can take to the bank.

- Cool! Look at all this money!

- Fifty thousand dollars!

- Fifty thousand dollars!

- I am wealthy.

- Not only can we please their master Satan,

but we got plenty of money as well.

- Let's spend it!

- Yeah! Think of all the stuff we can get!

- [Woman] With no tipping allowed.

- I had money, I had cars, I had everything.

- Never have the heavens seen such splendor.

- [Magician] To magically produce a CEO.

- And every little success multiplies

to more successes, and continuing successes.

From generation to generation, it continues.

- Like father like son.

- But tell me, surrounded by all this wealth and luxury,

does your soul ever search for anything noble,

perhaps even spiritual,

obscured behind this vast array of material possessions?

- Nope. Suck my dick.

- If I had spent all of my time in church,

instead of working, hey, we wouldn't have this nice new car.

- Who dares disturb my banquet!

- [Man] It appears to be a wizard!

- [Electronic Voice] There are people in our society

who do more harm than good.

- Money is they key,

and I want lots and lots of it. (chuckles)

- Have you ever tried working for it?

- I'm sure these (mumbles)

will be paying your money back real soon.

- He admitted that what he had done with the money

was wrong.

(moans)

- I needed the money. I was broke!

- What are all these factories you're talking about?

- Do you have any idea how much you just cost me?

- Hey! I think the system's okay.

- Mr. Corporate Asshole, I'm so sick of his shit.

- I hate workin' for sorcerers.

I go to collect my money and next thing you know

I'm hypnotized and saying I don't want it.

- [Announcer] That's because

the Shrine Masons and their friends

pay for it all.

- I did not say American Express was the beast.

- Never leave the cave without it.

- All that we have is what God wants us to have.

- Isn't that amazing.

- All the evil escaped into the world.

- [Narrator] 2500 years ago the United States of America

was prophesied by almighty God.

- [Man] Jesus came to the Americas

to preach to the Indian.

- Oh, hey! Wassup man!

- There'll be trouble here tonight.

♪ Thousands of people

♪ Marched to the ocean

(yells)

- Fulfill the prophecy.

- Five little, six little Indians!

♪ Six six six little Indians

♪ If I trust the Lord I'm sure to take the land ♪

(suspenseful beat)

- My god.

- Don't look at the eyes Rex.

- Hey homies, what's happenin'?

What it is, bro!

- Miss Annabelle, you know I never had no book learnin'.

(hip hop music)

- [Narrator] George Washington had a vision of an angel.

A female angel, who appeared to him

and showed him the history of the United States.

- Go and be a king in your own world.

- Only the the young, white, virile,

strong, Aryans, will be permitted.

- You need to be like this fella right here.

- [Narrator] Because the portion of your mind

that analyses information to make rational decisions,

is actually incapable of error.

- I will forever serve the master.

(yelling)

- I mean she had the world's biggest

closet!

- She had like the biggest,

blue eyes you've ever seen!

- Hi there puddin' lips.

- Hey girl!

- Women. (chuckles)

It's a shame too, I was gonna warn her

that there's a crazed killer on the loose!

- [Man] The devil really is a woman.

- All women are bitches.

- [Woman] She put herself in a compromising situation.

- [Man] She allowed herself to be alone with Shikum

where he took advantage of the situation.

- [Man] If you want something, you just take it!

- Now look what you made me go and do.

- See that girl there in the third row?

She's awful cute, why don't you go up and give her a kiss!

- [Narrator] The Creeps.

- Who needs demons when you got chicks?

- Makes me money and gets me laid.

- [Narrator] They boys club.

Where secrets stay buried.

- Shut up.

- [Narrator] As his control of the world erodes,

- I'm not like other men.

- You women always take the side against men.

- It attacks the masculine nature of God,

and presents gods who are feminist.

- The frail male ego is no match

for the sheer determination of a lady.

Woman's Lib Magazine.

- Pride and arrogance come before fall. God.

- A woman has the soul of an onion.

- I feel nothing.

- By lifting aloft his magic sword

and saying I am the power.

- What do you know about power?

- Power. - Power.

- Power. - Power.

- Beyond your wildest imaginations.

- Power is ours.

- You cannot have power without using it.

- What's in the fucking box?

- Arms and legs, elbows, and knees.

- Eyes and ears! Noses and mouths!

- [All] Huh?

- Wait, let me explain!

Your brain tells your eyes to look,

and your eyes say uh oh!

Blood, blood, blood.

- This is the U.S. of fucking A, alright?

We don't respect anyone or anything here.

- God bless America!

- Remember the victims!

- The victory of your ancestors was not complete.

Civilization was in decline.

- [News Caster] The world is indeed united

in a common hatred of Christianity and of Jesus Christ.

- 3000 years from now, your empire will be dust!

- That's pretty scary.

A country where it's against the law to believe in Jesus?

- Evil!

- America's dead and dying hand

is on the threshold of the church.

People would rather come out of the closet than clean it.

- [Man] This place is so far down queer street

it's never coming back.

(patriotic music)

- I am a sadistic leather master homosexual.

And I will tease your sensibilities.

- There better be a good explanation why I'm covered in oil.

- I'm sorry your Satanic majesty.

- Send this evil lifestyle back to Satan where it came from.

- America is a blessed country. It is a land of liberty.

- Yeah, we got all the cool stuff.

- Computer tattooing is our answer for illegal aliens.

If everybody would take this mark,

we could send all illegal aliens back home.

Sounds like a pretty good deal, dun'nit.

- [Man] What about Jesus? Maybe he was an alien?

- In English, Ricky!

- I think we just got the PC version.

- That enemy of the world is all around you.

- [Man] Don't trust the government.

- If the government can kill

why can't I?

- Because you're not the government.

- And the security here makes it all real safe.

- [Woman] God is always watching us.

- [Child] Like a police man?

- Imagine the uproar

when the police find the magical symbols

amidst the large quantity of human blood!

- The police aren't stupid!

We were never gonna get away with killing all those women!

- [Satanic Voice] That was very good work.

- [Policeman] Wait a minute.

- Ain't you the goody two shoes since I gave you them guns.

- Hey!

- Everybody freeze.

- All we're doing is rehearsing our tunes!

(slow rock music)

- That's weird.

- Thanks to you this guy will get off with insanity.

You should have wasted him.

- I need me a gun if I'm gonna be sheriff.

- You can't do this, you're a cop!

- Watch this, you little piece of shit!

- Hold it! Police!

(gunshots fire)

- We better call for backup.

- There may not be time!

- That is sexual harassment!

- File the report.

- What the fuck for?

- As long as I'm sheriff in this town,

things are gonna go my way.

- Fuck you!

- I'm not going to jail.

- I'm gonna nail that sicko son of a bitch.

- Officer, I'm Batman.

- You better not break the law.

- Look at what I got!

- This is fuckin' America!

- Land of the free, home of the brave baby!

♪ I feel so happy and I know it ♪

♪ And this is how I show it

♪ With my right arm

♪ Left arm

♪ Right arm

♪ Left arm

♪ Right arm

♪ Left arm

- [Narrator] Blood on the badge.

- Stand still punk.

- [Narrator] Then, he spent time in jail.

- It's because I'm black.

- What does that have to do with me?

- That woman you had interrogation room is dead.

I want an explanation.

- Shit happens, alright?

- She tripped and fell on a stick

when we were in pursuit.

(yelling)

- [Sultry Voice] You are hereby formally charged

with murder.

- And that you be hanged by the neck until death.

(alien language)

- Guilty! - Guilty!

- Guilty!

(electric buzzing)

- [Announcer] Can ya take the heat?

- I deserve the death penalty.

- He has such a caveman mentality.

- [Man] He's a good cop.

- It's the cop from hell!

- The name of evil you and I must abate.

- [Congregation] Amen.

- [Woman] Satan is on their side.

- We don't want any non-Pagans around here.

- When I become a cop, there's no more flesh and blood.

- [Man] He will administer the law,

and we will help him judge the world.

- [Policeman] Police officers, we're all in it together,

for one purpose, to sacrifice whatever they want.

- [Man] Cults are protected under the present legal system.

- [Man] Therefore, if you see a group of people

dancing around a fire, there's nothing

that the United States law enforcement can do.

- Goddamn cops.

- Ah pigs, stop.

- I hate cops.

- Fuck the law!

- You must destroy the law enforcer.

- Don't move.

- [Man] Freeze you son of a bitch, I'm a cop!

- Take this message to your master.

(Groans)

- They probably killed my partner!

- [Man] The Ouija board told him

to kill the police officer.

- Why don't you call the garbage man?

(cackling laughter)

- What's so funny, asshole?

- When they put teeth in your mouth fella,

they ruined a perfectly good asshole.

- (sinister laughter) I like it.

- [Man] I wish

that I was the President of the United States.

- Maybe I could become

the first woman President or something.

- I'll tell them what they want to hear.

I'll promise them two worms in every pot.

- We could present the devil himself as a world leader,

and the people would accept.

♪ I'm Gerbert for Mayor

♪ And if you vote for me

♪ Everyone'll be happy

♪ Doin' what they please

♪ Everyone will be happy

♪ Doing what they please

- [Woman] Our great and wise reptilian leader

can't get his computer working today!

- Glad of the few wars and uh,

everything falls into balance.

- One thing that we all hate,

and that is war.

I just can hardly stand it.

- God, why don't you stop man

from killing each other in war?

- You are watching the magic of the devil himself

being released over the American people.

- Are we being drafted?

- Company, a ten-hut!

- [Children] Praise the Lord!

- [Man] Witchcraft is strong right now

in the military.

- Boom boom boom boom!

Boom boom boom boom boom.

Just like in Star Wars.

Yee-haw!

- I love tanks! (laughs)

- And big bass is content

to remain our president for another,

well, forever I guess!

- And I'm not gonna worry about it,

I'm not gonna think about it.

♪ Don't say anything at all

- Why then, would they not say nothing.

- Can't stop them Sam.

They're doing exactly as God said they would.

- [Interviewer] What does that shirt mean,

if you meet your Master, kill him today?

- Uh, plain and simple. If you meet him, kill him.

♪ Open your heart America

♪ Open your eyes and see

♪ Is it truth or fiction

♪ Has the West been won

- Next!

- [Announcer] The last frontier!

This area spans the globe,

from West Africa all the way to China!

♪ Onward Christian soldiers

♪ Marching as to war

- Make no mistake about it, this is the devil's day.

- [Young Man] God's word warns us

that men like N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys

would come in the last days

to prey upon our youth.

- Your world will end.

- And here's where Communism and all the -isms

will be sacrificed and fed

to the followers of the heir here.

- Ah, It's gonna be a great time.

We won't even need the sun.

- What will happen with mankind?

- [Man] Jews will crowd to God for deliverance,

and turn to the messiah they had long rejected.

- [Young Man] Whoa, dudester!

- Could you tell us some Y2K jokes?

- [Announcer] The year 2000

will herald the return of Jesus Christ.

- By the year 2000, they will take over.

- Seven, six, five,

- [Crowd] Four, three, two, one.

(explosion)

- It's happened!

- [Man] We're living in exciting days.

- [Man] The end time is now.

- Revelations is at hand!

- [Girl] This is the end of this file.

(laughter)

- [Narrator] The stage is now set

for the ultimate confrontation,

between Satan and God.

- 666s I said I'm going to hell,

I said why can't we help send them there.

- Oh yeah!

- Someone is going to die.

(applause)

- [Melting Woman] Can't you hear it?

- Hear what?

- Death.

- You killed me.

- Have you ever seen a Christian die?

- Several.

- [Together] Cool!

- Just cause we wanna die doesn't mean we get to die,

we have to wait.

- No! You don't have to die.

- You. - Me too.

- Die.

- Don't get so worried

about things that haven't happened yet.

- Some of you out there are dead.

- You killed me.

♪ I'm afraid they're gonna kill us all ♪

- So the only way to get rid of him

is to kill him.

- Yeah. Let's fuck him up.

- I'm gonna give you a lesson in pain!

- Let's see what you've got, tough guy.

- Don't mess with me, I know karate.

- Who are you?

- I'm your nightmare!

- Fight me!

- I'm a lover, not a fighter.

- Evan! Oh Evan.

(cracking bones)

(screams)

(punching thwacks)

- Oh no!

- Give me the secrets of a Master Mason

or I will take your life.

- No!

(cries)

♪ No weapon formed against me will prosper ♪

- You can believe in Jesus if you like. I don't know.

- Hey! Hey!

(gunshots)

- I love you Kenny.

(screaming)

- Mr. And Mrs. Davis have been shot. Dead!

- [Woman] Oh I wonder if they knew the Lord.

- Alec, come on! Get out of here!

- You'll never get out of here alive!

- Throw the ball!

- Do it!

- Die in hell, motherfucker!

- [Man] Satan.

- Eat this. - Eat this.

- Eat this!

(dolphin clicks)

- He's gonna blow!

(montage of screams)

(explosions)

♪ When you speak the word

♪ Dynamite comes out your mouth ♪

(yells)

- Too much blood. Or not enough.

- Give me some blood.

- It just so happens we know a song about that.

(worship ballad)

- Power is in the blood.

- I'm sorry Rex.

- That boy's dead.

- Maybe there's a meaning to all this.

- I learned, it's what's on the inside of a person

that really counts.

- The penis is placed inside the mouth

of the deceased person.

(whimpers)

- He's dead.

- Burn in hell you bastard.

(dramatic drumming music)

(screams)

- You can't kill me, I'm already dead.

- Hey!

(screams)

- Lights out Bongo.

(yells)

- [Narrator] These are the final moments

in which you may return to your body.

Your redemption draweth nigh. Stay tuned.

- Angel are our names in the book,

please they have to be there!

We didn't mean to do drugs,

please it was peer pressure,

I was failing my grades at school!

- My father died!

- You will be sentenced to eternal damnation.

- In your minds eye, you are not guilty.

Yet in eternity's eye, you are.

(screams)

- How would we go to hell?

- 'Cause that's what happens when you don't know Jesus.

- Open the gates of hell.

- [Man] Don't open that door!

- I'll go, I'll go to hell.

(feedback sounds)

(yells)

(body thumps)

- Welcome.

- Welcome. - Welcome to hell.

- [Woman] Here, call it home.

- Eternal damnation is yours!

- [Young Man] Will hell be a good time?

- You will address the hierarchy of Hell with respect!

- Never!

- Help, I'm burning!

- I'm burning!

- You'll feel pain you never imagined in life!

Your flesh rotting off!

ABBA!

(dance music)

- What fresh Hell is this?

- You're gonna burn here forever.

- It's like touching a fire,

and never being able to pull your hand off of it.

- For eternity.

- Oh, that's hot.

- It's a place of sensual misery.

- [Demonic Voice] They will eat thorny bush

and drink scalding pus.

- [Man] You will remember every lie you ever told.

Every dirty joke.

- I have all my friends here to keep me company!

- The abominable! - Dogs.

- And murderers! - Sorcerers.

- And warmongers. - Whoremongers.

- [Man] And sorcerers,

the majority of mankind is going to hell.

♪ So in the fiery furnace

♪ They threw all three

- God, if you exist,

- Gotta get me outta this place.

- Maybe we already are in Hell, you guys.

We just don't know it yet.

- Clever girl.

- But what if everything you physically see

is a visual illusion?

- [Man] It's like I've just been dreaming this life.

- [Man] It's all coming from up here.

- What if all that was real was you.

(growling)

- [Woman] Who are you?

- Well I'm you.

- And you were demonic killed a part of myself!

- Where am I?

- You're nowhere.

- Your whole life has been planned.

- Okay.

- Do you exist?

- Do I exist?

- [Woman] You don't even exist.

- [Together] Just like real life.

- And so it's real. But is it?

- I don't believe in Hell, that's how I deal with it.

I just don't believe it exists.

- Never tell anyone what you see.

(static increasing pitch)

(screams)

(explosions)

- In the unlikely event that you boys should ever be back,

we'll be ready.

We'll always be ready.

- [Burning Skull] I'll be back.

- You'll see.

- My job's finished here anyway.

- See you later suckers! Ah!

- We have successfully driven Satan out of the big forest.

- We did it, we drove the evil away.

- Here at Power Apophysary we believe strongly

that God is not a racist.

- [Man] Those who remain neutral in the battle

were cursed to be born with black skin.

This is the Mormon explanation for the Negro race.

Now you have all the secret knowledge you need.

- [Narrator] I'm sure that as you watched these clips

you were shocked.

Why did we do this tonight?

- [Narrator] It wasn't a film that was to be enjoyed,

it was an indoctrination into the occult.

- Thank God everything turned out okay.

- Your world is safe now.

- This has been one wacky night.

- [Woman] I'm gonna be filling out violation reports

until, well, until I'm a baby.

- I hate to go. I sure like it here.

- We'll come back.

- Me too, me too.

- And it's really terrible that it has to end this way.

- But it all turns out great in the end.

- I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. It's over.

- It's over!

- No! This is not the end!

This is not the end!

This is not the end!

No! This is not the end.

- [Narrator] Beginning of the end.

- [Man] How do you describe both a beginning and an end?

- How should I know? I'm just a scientist.

- You guys have had some tough choices to make.

- And remember, to all of you at home,

- Go back to the beginning and go over it again.

Pick up whatever additional data you can contact.

- Then you too can put on the full armor of God.

- [Woman] Ask yourself, what do you intend to do

with the rest of your life?

- I'll find joy oh heavens!

- But I'll be looking forward to seeing you in heaven.

- Bless you and yours.

(peaceful music)

- I wanna go to heaven,

but can I take my big dick with me?

- I wouldn't trade it for anything.

- I'm starving.

Do you feel well enough

to take me out for some french fries?

- In Jesus' precious name,

- [Together] Amen.

(jaunty folk music)

♪ If my brains were turning mushy would you want me ♪

♪ If I burned up in a bar with gas ♪

♪ If I swallowed nitric acid would you help me ♪

♪ Or would you just think that I possess some class ♪

♪ Oh darlin'

♪ Please tell me now

- I want to speak to you particularly

about a special package I call

The demon proofing package.

If you wanna be proofed against demons and the devil,

this is the spiritual insurance that you need.

A $240 value.

But they're available in the demon proofing package

for just--

- [Demonic Voices] Your God is dead, your God is dead,

your God is dead, your God is dead, your God is dead.

- Over and over, forever.

- [Man] Come on, come on!

(yells)