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1
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,080
Aguero!
2
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,776
This is gonna be great.
3
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,416
Almost everyone else is away
4
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,216
with their countries
on international duty. I'm excited.
5
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,976
Then you're an idiot.
What, because I'm happy
6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,096
about getting some one-on-one
coaching with Cesare?
7
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,176
Maybe you can ask him
if he signed you by mistake.
8
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,256
I am not going to ask that, thanks,
Jack.
9
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:33,656
Bro, this is my last time.
10
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,216
England be violating.
11
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,296
They expect me to wait for them, and I
can't hack another one of these weeks.
12
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,536
So I'm going with a different
country. Yeah, which one?
13
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,000
One of 'em. Somewhere in Africa?
14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,256
Ghana.
15
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,856
I'm hoping to get a call-up soon.
16
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,136
My dad said he's part Gypsy,
so maybe they've got a team.
17
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,176
Seriously, we'll have
the undivided attention
18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,176
of one of the greatest coaches
of all time.
19
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,280
What could be bad about that?
Ah, you'll see.
20
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,200
Phew!
21
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:11,080
Now, that... is what I call
doing a shit.
22
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,280
Just us this week, then?
23
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,776
So, big week.
24
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,976
Big week for us all.
25
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,336
Big week.
26
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,016
No football.
27
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,216
But also yes.
28
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,056
Seven days is-is a week, no?
29
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,456
Yes, is a week.
30
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,456
Hey, Mattie, how you doing, buddy?
31
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,816
Er, yeah, great, thanks. Good.
32
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,616
Hey, Cesare, good.
I wanted to have a quick word.
33
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,456
Yes, yes, of course, maestro.
34
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,816
Please stop signing
shit Eastern European goalkeepers.
35
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,880
How many overpaid fumbling
former communists do we need?
36
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:48,816
Yes.
37
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,936
Case in point.
38
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,656
I... speak English.
39
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,136
I studied in the US.
40
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,456
Good for you. Did you defect?
41
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,096
Croatia is not communist.
42
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,096
Isn't it?
43
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,240
All right.
44
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,336
Take it easy. Bye, Mattie.
45
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,016
So, international week.
46
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,776
You train today. Chris boss.
47
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,296
Me, I go to Iago Maggiore.
48
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,736
Wow. What a view.
49
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,120
Ciao.
50
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,976
What the fuck?
51
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,896
OK! Cool beans.
52
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,736
Great stuff. Right, well, let's start off
with some shuttle runs in teams, yeah?
53
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,176
Bit different, bit...
Right, listen. After training,
54
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,056
it's the traditional Petey Brooks
international week barbecue at my place.
55
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,616
You three are invited.
56
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,216
Chris, obviously you aren't.
57
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,376
And the big crying Borat
can't come either.
58
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,216
No problem. I've got quite a lot
to be getting on with, to be honest.
59
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,176
So... anyone say weak-foot rondos?
60
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,776
Come round about 12.
61
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:45,976
Oh, and, er, park down the hill.
62
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,616
You ain't got no parking? Course
I've got parking, you prick.
63
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,480
I just don't want your shitty motors
sitting outside my house.
64
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,320
Go on!
65
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:07,016
Hey, listen, all men should have a cry.
Not here, not at a football club. But...
66
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,216
Jacky! Jacky boy!
67
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,416
Here he is, lads. England's future!
68
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,056
Pure talent
69
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,280
and good looks too, my boy.
Hello, Dad.
70
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,296
Didn't even know you were back.
How's the business?
71
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,736
Yeah, still not exactly legal,
but
72
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,936
I'm speaking to the Mayor,
so it's just a matter of time.
73
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,496
More importantly, how's
the hamstring?
74
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,056
It's all right.
Yeah? Not feeling it too much?
75
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,936
Back in the squad
for the next match maybe?
76
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,616
Well, I hope so.
Have you seen Grandad?
77
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,136
No, not yet. Listen, what about
Carlos Velez? Is he back soon?
78
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,856
Er, I think so, yeah.
79
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,416
Good player, Carlos, eh?
80
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,656
Oh!
81
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,176
Moody, though. Yeah, difficult.
82
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,136
Nah. Nah, he's all right.
What's with all the questions?
83
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,256
I'm just catching up, aren't I?
Er, guys, yeah,
84
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:48,776
sorry, the... the dressing room's
kind of sacrosanct, you know.
85
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,056
Players only.
86
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,496
Boothie! Boothie!
87
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:54,936
Ho-ho! Chris Booth!
88
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,576
Almost a club legend.
89
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,776
Ha-ha! How are you, mate?
90
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,056
Hey, I love the way you train
the young 'uns. Inspiring.
91
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,736
Oh. Well, thank you. Thanks.
92
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,416
Listen, what's the skinny on Cesare?
93
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,616
He's getting sacked, isn't he?
94
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,736
It's time to come
in. Your number's up, boss.
95
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,496
No, no, he's great, he's great.
Everything at the club's great.
96
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,096
So... Anyway... Nice to meet you.
97
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,296
Ha, yeah, I remember that chant.
98
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,656
Gor!
99
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,736
I wanted to run, I did. I was
100
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,176
I was coming back from, er, as
it turns out,
101
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,376
a career-ending knee injury.
Er, but...
102
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,240
You can't beat terrace humour.
103
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:37,936
Excuse me, I'm going to go
104
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,336
and pack some cones away. Oh.
105
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,096
Boothie! Boothie!
106
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,456
What a prick!
107
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,856
He's been nicking a living
out of this club for years.
108
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,016
What's he think he's doing there,
trying to have me off?
109
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,456
Well, we're not meant to talk
about club business to outsiders.
110
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,096
I'm sorry, but you need to leave
right now.
111
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,536
You were meant to wait in reception.
112
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,656
Yeah. All right. Calm down,
Theresa May.
113
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,816
Didn't realise talking to your
children was a crime.
114
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,216
See you later, Jack, eh?
Yeah. Um...
115
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,176
Listen, I'm about this afternoon
if you want.
116
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,096
Well, I'm meant to be at this
barbecue thing,
117
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:06,136
but I can swerve it off.
118
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,576
Oh, yeah, I've got a bit of business
this afternoon, son.
119
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,736
I'll catch you later, eh?
Look after that hamstring.
120
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,496
Come on.
121
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,056
Oh, Olivia, actually, you're not
meant to be in here either.
122
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,296
Oh, right, yeah.
123
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,320
Sorry!
124
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,256
You having a stroke?
125
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,536
Learning this national anthem.
126
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,016
Hey, the fans are gonna be gassed.
127
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,936
A new player singing every word.
128
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,456
Kevin-Prince Boateng will love it.
129
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,576
I have no idea why Petey asked us
here. He hates us.
130
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,696
He hates YOU.
I know why he's asked us.
131
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,136
Yeah?
Yeah. Petey wants to be manager.
132
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,896
He's being nice to us so we back him
for the job when Cesare gets sacked.
133
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,576
Come on. Cesare's a legend.
He's not going anywhere.
134
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,896
Apart from on holiday. Again.
Have a look at this.
135
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,896
The man is a fraud, bruv!
136
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:52,496
We are a fucking shambles,
137
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,616
and it's down to him!
138
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,656
He used to be good
139
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,136
but now he's pasta his best.
140
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,296
He did all right once
141
00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,056
but now he's a Shitalian! Yeah?
142
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,536
Give us our club back!
143
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,696
I want him out! He's forgetti
bolognese!
144
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,016
Fuck off, you crappuccino!
145
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,776
What an absolute pack of pricks.
146
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,376
Who the hell do they think they are,
talking about a legend like that?
147
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,736
If Bootz has turned on Cesare,
it's bad. He's the most loyal one.
148
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,136
There's more of them? Yeah.
149
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,776
Big Al. Garlic his mum's French.
150
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,976
Gammon.
151
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,856
Call him that cos he looks like
a pig. And he's a bit racist.
152
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,816
Does anyone actually watch that
shit? Half a million hits, that one.
153
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,376
Maybe I should take a look.
154
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,456
Don't do that. They think you were
signed by mistake.
155
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,400
OK.
Boys, I hope you like loud music.
156
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,936
That's a nice welcome.
157
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,240
I fucking hate international week.
158
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,856
Self-taught.
159
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,296
Nothing calms me down
160
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,936
like a good strumming session.
Petey.
161
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,896
Speak of the devil. Was just talking
about fingering you.
162
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,416
Ha-ha, shut up. Disgusting.
163
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,136
Babes, these are a few
of the young lads from work.
164
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,736
Hello, boys. I'm Janey.
165
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:04,816
Hello.
166
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,936
Nice to meet you.
Good afternoon.
167
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,376
I thought I'd invite them over,
show 'em first hand what talent,
168
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,776
a massive knob and the mental strength
of a suicide bomber can get you in life.
169
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,736
All right, well, have fun.
Where's the dog?
170
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:15,816
Winston!
171
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,576
Winston, get here!
172
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,736
Aw, that's sweet. He's snuck
into one of our training vests.
173
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,296
That's not sweet. I put him in that.
174
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,816
The sports science lot wanted
to monitor my daily routine,
175
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,776
check I'm not slacking
when everyone is away.
176
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,696
Winston's putting a few
extra miles on the clock.
177
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,496
Make sure he does at least 5K, babe.
The fat twat.
178
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,096
Don't. You'll hurt his feelings.
179
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,320
Come on, Winston.
180
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,800
Still got a nice arse, hasn't she?
181
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,536
I said.
182
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,080
"Still got a nice arse"
183
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,640
"hasn't she?"
184
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,816
Wait a minute.
185
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,240
Do you boys think
my missus hasn't got a nice arse?
186
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,856
I'm winding you up!
187
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,096
She loves blokes staring.
She used to be a stripper.
188
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,256
Interesting.
Where did you guys meet?
189
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,496
Where do you fucking think?
190
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,496
In a strip club? Yes.
191
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,856
Word of advice,
especially to you, Mattie
192
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,376
get rid of your plain girlfriends
before you get famous.
193
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,176
Now, I've got a question for yous.
194
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,176
What do you boys know
about digging out tree stumps?
195
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,816
Is this more advice on women?
196
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,136
No. See that?
197
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:28,896
I had it cut down, cos I don't rate
trees, but the stump's left.
198
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,176
So we need to get that fucker
out of the ground before lunch.
199
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,056
I'll get cracking on the B-B-Q.
200
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,040
You grab them shovels
and get digging.
201
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,096
Bruv, this is long.
202
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,936
You've done fuck-all, mate. Me and
Mattie are breaking our backs here.
203
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,896
My brain's fried. Yeah? Learning this
anthem's like learning a foreign language.
204
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,176
Really? What language is it?
205
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,536
English.
206
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,256
Are you playing for England now?
Nice.
207
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,776
Nah. Turns out English is also
the language of Guyana.
208
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,096
Guyana? You're going to play
for Guyana?
209
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,896
Yes, sir! One of the best teams
in Africa.
210
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,856
Now a lot better cos of your boy.
211
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:05,976
The Black Stars.
212
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,296
That's Ghana.
213
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,536
However you pronounce it.
214
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,576
Well, you pronounce Ghana Ghan-a,
but you're going to play for Guyana,
215
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,176
which you pronounce Guy-an-a,
216
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,256
because it's a South American
nation
217
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,536
who are
218
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,216
185th in the world.
219
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,576
Let me see that.
220
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,656
Maybe it's like po-tay-to,
po-tah-to.
221
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,976
No, it's more like po-tay-to,
lap-top,
222
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,176
because they are
two completely different things.
223
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,616
Oh, shit! So that's what he meant.
224
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,616
Benji, we are so excited.
225
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,856
Yeah, you would be. I mean, you're
getting a good player.
226
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,456
Just... sign here.
227
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,400
And we'll get a photo, eh?
228
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,296
We're delighted, man.
229
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:42,936
Delighted!
230
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,536
This is a huge day for my country.
231
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,856
My country too.
232
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:50,336
Look, this is the first time we've had a
professional soccer player commit to us.
233
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,936
Really? What about Michael Essien?
234
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,856
What about him?
He played for you.
235
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,736
He played for Ghana. Exactly!
236
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,216
Yes, exactly. Yes.
237
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,616
Yes. What?
238
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,096
Huh... So, what a great day
it is for Guyana! Hey?
239
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,336
Hooray for Guyana!
240
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,176
Yeah, great day. Hooray.
241
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,296
Now, before the Concacaf qualifiers
against those Suriname cheats,
242
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,256
you're going to need a course
of anti-malaria tablets, all right?
243
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,840
And a rabies shot.
244
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,160
Photo?
245
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,080
Jesus Christ! And
it's fucking miles away!
246
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,496
Oh, no. Oh, Dad, what have you done
that for?
247
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,976
This has gone beyond a joke now,
my mate.
248
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,216
He's got his sweaty feet up
on a sunbed somewhere
249
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,976
while our season goes
down the khazi!
250
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,816
So you're telling me
he's left training
251
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,496
to Boothie and gone on holiday?
252
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,776
Correct!
253
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,976
Now, you lot all know that I've got
sources inside the club.
254
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,136
Follow me on Twitter.
255
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,536
@InsideDazzer.
256
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,256
So I've got to choose my words
very, very carefully here.
257
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,536
But.
258
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,096
Cesare
259
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,896
you are a cancer on our club.
260
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,896
And I am begging you,
261
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,776
get the fuck out of our club,
262
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,616
you lazy, senile Italian
piece of...!
263
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,896
Oh, you're fucked.
264
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,896
Can I have your squad number
when they sell you?
265
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,376
It's Olivia. Wonder what she wants.
266
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,496
I've no idea. What do you think it
could be about, Jack?
267
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,616
Oh, shit. I've got to get my dad
to take this down. I'd better go.
268
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,296
Yeah, you'd better. See you later.
269
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,176
Can I go, though?
Course you can go.
270
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,216
Do I need to ask Petey's
permission? No.
271
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,736
Petey won't mind? Just go.
272
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,136
Can't you go instead?
I don't need to go, do I?
273
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,496
If you need to leave, just leave.
274
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,696
Can you ask Petey if I can go?
275
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,496
Me? No. You ask.
Yeah, but he might say no and...
276
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,776
Well, I've got to go.
277
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,536
Then go. Yeah, course.
278
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:33,080
All right, you lot cover for me
with Petey, yeah?
279
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,736
Shit.
280
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,416
What are we going to tell Petey?
281
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,800
That we lost him?
282
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,320
That's just someone else's garden
over there.
283
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,016
Oh, it's Olivia.
284
00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:00,176
Oh, fuckin' hell. Listen, I know you fancy
her, but please don't answer the phone.
285
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,856
What if she wants to talk to me
about something else?
286
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,256
Yeah. She's probably ringing
to ask you to marry her.
287
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,400
Please.
288
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,936
You not finished yet?
289
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,536
We'll get it done quickly now,
Petey, thanks to that thing.
290
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,376
Oh, you can't use this, nah.
291
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,616
The shovel's a bastard to clean
when there's mud on it.
292
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,736
Anyway, when you're done,
come downstairs and have a swim.
293
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,376
I've got some cold beers.
The cleaner's made some tacos.
294
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,576
And I'll get the barbecue going.
295
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,536
The quicker you're done, the quicker
you can get in that pool.
296
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,336
I didn't bring any trunks.
297
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,656
I've got spare trunks, you wombat!
298
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,176
Think I've got this massive house
299
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,296
and a stripper for a bird
300
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,936
and I don't have spare trunks?
301
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,176
Now, chop chop.
302
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,480
Dig dig.
303
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,640
Oh...
304
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,016
This is a nightmare.
It's hit 2,000 likes.
305
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,216
Bro, just tell Petey you need to
bounce to sort something. He won't mind.
306
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,936
Yeah? Yeah, course.
307
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,856
Well done, boys.
308
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,776
Now grab a beer and have a swim.
309
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,936
Oh, Petey, I-I-I... I...
I might have to...
310
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,416
This-This...
311
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,976
This thing's...
312
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,816
You know, I-I've... I've got to...
313
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,216
Spit it out, Rain Man. Nothin'.
314
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,456
Right, here's your trunks.
315
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,536
They're tailor-made
for my massive wanger,
316
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,936
so should be nice and roomy
for you lot.
317
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,296
All I had left.
318
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,696
Should be enough
to cover your tiny dick, though.
319
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,496
Only joking.
It's completely average.
320
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,536
Though I have noticed
your balls are small.
321
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,416
OK. Well, I'll be fine
in my underpants.
322
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,136
What? You're not getting in my pool
in your skiddy kecks.
323
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,816
I'd just be more comfortable in my own
underwear than these children's Speedos.
324
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,136
But I'll be less comfortable with
your shit washing round my pool.
325
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,976
Petey, I promise you,
I don't have skids in my pants.
326
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,296
Prove it.
327
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,056
What? Prove it.
328
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,776
You're not getting in my pool
in those pants
329
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,776
until you prove your kecks
haven't got skids.
330
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,216
Fine. I won't go in the pool.
331
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:07,200
Oh, you're going in the fucking pool.
No-one disrespects my hospitality.
332
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,360
Fine.
333
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,040
Here are my pants.
334
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,120
Yeah. Clean as a whistle.
335
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,800
You're good to go.
336
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,336
I've never felt less relaxed
in my entire life.
337
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,376
Instead of sorting out this Ghana
shit, I'm trapped in a very nice pool.
338
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,056
Guyana. And we're not trapped.
339
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,616
You tell Petey we're leaving, then.
340
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,176
Obviously, I'm not gonna do that.
341
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,976
Right. Come over here and dry off.
342
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,536
I've got some surprises for you.
343
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,416
I hope the surprise is
we can go home.
344
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,280
It feels like we're under
house arrest.
345
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,336
Right. Surprise number one.
346
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,056
I hope you nonces aren't vegans.
347
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,776
I got these steaks
all the way from Colorado.
348
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,896
This bloke I know flies the cows in
and then kills them just down the road.
349
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:13,176
Wow. This lunch might have the
biggest carbon footprint of all time.
350
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,456
You better believe it.
351
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,696
Wouldn't get a tight prick like
Chris Booth treating you like this, eh?
352
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,720
Tuck in.
353
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,496
How's the salad?
Salad's great, thank you.
354
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,456
Yeah. Maria's a legend
in the kitchen.
355
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,216
Not much to look at, but Lady Jane
insists on hiring mingers
356
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,176
since I got caught drilling
the nannies.
357
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,640
C'est la vie.
358
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,376
Special salt, is it?
359
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,576
No. It's a chlamydia antibiotic.
360
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,936
It's for the wife.
361
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,576
This way she gets cured
and I don't get the grief.
362
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,056
What she don't know can't hurt her.
363
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,936
Apart from chlamydia.
364
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,176
Now, who can guess
what the next Petey surprise is?
365
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,336
You want us to dig out
another fucking great stump?
366
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,696
Nope.
367
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,696
You want to discuss Cesare's future?
368
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,016
No. After lunch, I got a mate coming
over who sells watches and washbags.
369
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,456
You're gonna love 'em.
370
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,056
I told him you'd buy some.
371
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,360
To be fair, that is a surprise.
372
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,576
Hmm. How much is this one?
373
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,856
That's �800.
374
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,016
For a washbag?
A designer washbag.
375
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,056
How much is that watch there, Tony?
376
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,656
That's �40,000.
377
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,176
And it tells the time and nothing
else?
378
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,416
It also shows the phases
of the moon.
379
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,896
What, in case I'm a werewolf?
380
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,536
It's got a number of uses.
381
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,856
Oh, no, can't we just leave?
382
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,856
Yes, of course we can. We're adults.
No-one can keep us here.
383
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,736
We can simply stand up and walk out.
384
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,976
Petey said you weren't to leave
until you bought something.
385
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,656
And he always takes a cut,
so... help me out?
386
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,816
OK, fine.
387
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,776
What's the cheapest thing you got
here?
388
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,656
500-quid soap dish.
389
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,376
Fuck that!
390
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,416
Fine. I'll buy it.
391
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,736
What are you doing? 500 quid is
cheap to get out of here.
392
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,176
Mattie, tell Petey we're going.
Why me?
393
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,576
You've got a degree.
394
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,776
Yeah, in sports science, not in escaping
team-mates' houses. You tell him.
395
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,416
Petey could be the next manager.
I'm not going to piss him off.
396
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,936
Olivia's back on the phone.
397
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,456
This is mental. That's it, we're
doing it, we're going.
398
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,496
Good. Yeah, good. I can sort this
Ghana stuff out. Guyana.
399
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,976
Going somewhere? No.
400
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,160
Yes, you are.
I've got one more treat for you.
401
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,496
Another
towering header from Petey Brooks.
402
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,216
I really need to leave.
I know that.
403
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,680
You think I don't fucking know that?
404
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,616
He's been a pro for 16 years.
We could be here for ever.
405
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,816
"Land Of Hope And Glory" PLAYS.
406
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,936
A leader of men, and one day England
will realise what they missed
407
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,096
by suspending him for
international duty
408
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,976
due to a misunderstanding
over racial epithets.
409
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:35,336
But one day Petey Brooks will return
and lead them as a manager to glory!
410
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,496
And then
411
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,080
he will be avenged.
412
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,576
How was that? Amazing.
413
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,976
Good. Yeah, impressive.
414
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,936
Correct. Old baldy Star Trek charged
me a fortune to do the voice-over.
415
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,016
Totally worth it.
416
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,456
Now...
417
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,520
Fuck off out of my house.
418
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,496
All right, boys? Did you have fun?
419
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,216
Yes, Janey. It was definitely fun.
420
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,256
Aren't those steaks he makes
delicious?
421
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,336
He won't tell me
what the secret ingredient is.
422
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,696
I think it's love.
423
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,856
Did you get the stump out?
424
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,600
Nope. Oh.
425
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:17,216
I don't care if Cesare gets sacked,
as long as Petey don't get the job.
426
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,776
Oh, I agree, but what can we do?
427
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:20,936
You can do something.
428
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,776
Tell your mate Mr Chairman what
Petey's really like.
429
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,576
Firstly, he's not my mate, and
secondly,
430
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,136
going behind a team-mate's back,
431
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,376
even one as odious as Petey,
feels disloyal.
432
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,616
So it's not because
you're scared of Petey?
433
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,296
Oh, no, it's mainly the fear,
for sure.
434
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,056
God, you've cheered up.
435
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,416
Not concerned about flying thousands of
miles to play against farmers any more?
436
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,256
No. Gonna be all sweet.
437
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,736
Be fixed by the time I get home.
My mum's fixing it.
438
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,176
Because that's the international
football hierarchy.
439
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,896
It goes the FA, UEFA, then FIFA,
then Benji's mom.
440
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,976
My mum fixes everything.
441
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,976
Maybe we should get her in
to deal with Petey. Or me dad.
442
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,960
Well, no offence,
but I might try someone different.
443
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,176
Hi. First off, thank you.
444
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,976
I know you probably had other plans
this evening.
445
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,736
Irrelevant, whether I did or not.
446
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,696
Dealing with your problems is
my job.
447
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,416
Well, I appreciate it.
448
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,176
As I said, it's my job. Your
gratitude is neither here nor there.
449
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,296
Cool beans.
450
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,376
I'm sorry?
Nah. OK. Look, I called you
451
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,576
because I'm worried Petey Brooks
is angling for the manager's job
452
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,896
and he's clearly a psychopath.
453
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,496
So? This is football.
454
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,096
When's that ever been
a barrier to success?
455
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,936
What, should I tell Mr Crane
and warn him about Petey?
456
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,136
Even though doing so
would be super disloyal.
457
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,296
And I don't want to be a snitch.
458
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,016
But then, Rosa Parks snitched on all
those people who wouldn't let her
459
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,936
sit at the front of the bus,
and changed America.
460
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,256
Yes.
461
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,456
Rosa Parks was famous for her
snitching.
462
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,816
I just want to do the right thing.
463
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,096
Mattie...
464
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,336
Sometimes the right thing to do
is also the stupid thing to do.
465
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:52,336
So I'm sure you'll do the right
thing.
466
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,576
Thank you.
467
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,736
Wait a minute...
468
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,296
Oh, and you should
move out of this hotel.
469
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,216
Trust me, staying in hotels long
term isn't good for the soul.
470
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,456
You've got a soul?
471
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,376
I didn't say that.
472
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,240
Good luck with your conscience.
473
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,536
Who's from there again?
Your grandfather.
474
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,136
Well, he's dead, so he won't care.
475
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,000
He's not dead. He lives in Trinidad.
476
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,360
Oh, God, they're still there.
477
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,240
Why won't they leave?
478
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,336
Oh! Benji Achebe! I know you're in
there!
479
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,776
The qualifiers against Suriname
are in three weeks
480
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,256
and we're not leaving without you!
481
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,376
I'm scared.
Mum, I thought you spoke to them.
482
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,496
Not yet. I can't spend the whole of my
day wiping your bum-bum, you know.
483
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,680
Mum, please!
484
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,976
OK, fine.
485
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,880
I have an idea.
486
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,216
Benji can't come out to play,
because it's past his bedtime.
487
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,536
We wait.
488
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,856
Also, he doesn't want to play for
Guyana.
489
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,216
He said he did.
He signed the contract, man!
490
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,040
Yes, but now he doesn't!
491
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,896
Is it because of
the Guyana-Ghana confusion? Hm?
492
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,456
Because we've had it a few times.
493
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,600
No, of course not!
494
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,256
Three points is all that matters.
495
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,096
Darren, Darren, let me get you
another drink, mate.
496
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,496
Oh, no, come on.
497
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,176
Oh, come on, you're a legend.
A legend, in't he, boys?
498
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,296
All right, but listen,
the next round's mine.
499
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,096
Here he is, lads!
500
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,296
Boys, boys, boys.
Boys, boys, boys,
501
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,936
just give us
a minute, yeah? Cheers.
502
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,016
Listen, Dad...
503
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,976
Dad, I said I wanted
somewhere quiet to talk.
504
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,976
Oh, it's only the boys, Jack.
I can't help it if they agree
505
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,896
that the fruit of my loins
is a bloody legend, can I? Eh?
506
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,616
So, come on, legend, what's on your
mind?
507
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,976
You've got to take that video down.
508
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,616
It's already done. Yeah, I thought
you were getting a bit vexed,
509
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,296
by all those texts you
were sending me.
510
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:58,976
Oh...
511
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,296
Thanks, Dad.
512
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,616
Yeah. Look, I know it's going to be
tricky managing the line
513
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,776
between your career and mine,
but we'll work it out.
514
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,416
Because we're mates, right?
515
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,776
And mates are more important
than anything. OK?
516
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,856
Yeah. Thanks, Dad.
517
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,256
Yeah, don't mention it.
518
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,056
You don't mind if I still do some
filming for fan telly, though, eh?
519
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,016
Nah, nah. Whatever makes you happy.
520
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,056
Yeah.
521
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,176
Oh, maybe don't do any more videos where
you call the manager a cancer on the club.
522
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,256
Anything you want, mate.
523
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,296
So, was it Cesare himself who
ordered you to take the video down
524
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,696
or was it his lapdog Chris Booth?
525
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:29,840
Oh...
526
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,656
You're not... recording this,
are you, Dad?
527
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,336
Oh, I'll just turn that off.
528
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:36,496
There you are.
529
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,016
Tell you what, why don't we shoot
one video they can't complain about, eh?
530
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,856
Boys! Let's have a singsong.
Come on.
531
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,256
103.
532
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,456
Oh, no, wait. 104,000 likes.
533
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,696
Jack, what were you thinking?
534
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,736
I didn't want to let him down
in front of his posse.
535
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,056
Because a posse
must always be respected.
536
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:20,056
Thank you so much, Olivia.
537
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,736
I'll tell my mum to expect you.
538
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,136
Jack! Just the man I've been
looking for.
539
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,976
Did you get my messages?
540
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,216
Yeah, no. What it was
541
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,936
I couldn't... My phone
542
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,056
died.
543
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,656
Course it did. With me, please.
544
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,016
Morning, Olivia.
Thanks for the advice.
545
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,776
I don't remember giving any.
546
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,096
It's all about the soul.
547
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,920
If you like.
548
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,696
Well, that's Jack fucked.
549
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,016
Told you international week
was shit.
550
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,976
"And obviously I'd like
to sincerely apologise to Mr Cesare,"
551
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,136
"and to anyone else
for any offence caused."
552
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:55,296
"My father does not speak for me
or have any knowledge of..."
553
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,736
Oh, nah.
554
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:57,776
Just say it, Jack.
555
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,296
Nah. Jack
556
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,056
your father is endangering your
career. Do you understand that?
557
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,616
You have to distance yourself
from him
558
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,176
and say that he has no
inside knowledge.
559
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,496
I can't. I can't, Olivia.
I can't say that.
560
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,656
But it's the truth. You haven't told
him anything. Come on, Jack.
561
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,656
It's all he's got, Olivia.
562
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,936
It's all he's got. So you can fine
me, loan me out, whatever,
563
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,200
but I can't do it to him.
I'm sorry.
564
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,496
And that's really
all there is to it.
565
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,416
OK, I see.
566
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,496
Well, this is very helpful.
567
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,400
But I want to get it
absolutely straight.
568
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,936
If it goes between
the white stick things
569
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,856
but doesn't hit the string bag,
it still counts as a point?
570
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,296
A goal. A goal. God dammit!
571
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,856
Right. Well, what did you want to
see me about?
572
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,536
I'm sure you're aware of all the
speculation surrounding Cesare's position.
573
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,616
Let's say I am.
574
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,296
Petey Brooks wants Cesare's job.
575
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,656
Mattie, this is exactly
what I've been looking for.
576
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,056
A snitch in the dressing room.
577
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,936
Oh, I'm not a snitch.
I'm just worried about the club.
578
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,976
Noted. Please continue snitching.
579
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,496
I'm not a snitch. It's OK.
580
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,696
It's not like I'm wearing a wire
at the moment.
581
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,136
Let's call you an insider.
582
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,056
Look, even being an insider -
it's just not for me.
583
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,216
But there's one issue
I can't keep silent on.
584
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,896
And that's Petey Brooks.
585
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,576
Mr Dependable. A club legend.
586
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,496
No. Wrong.
Petey Brooks is a monster.
587
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,736
He respects no-one at this club,
least of all you.
588
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,736
Seriously?
589
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,256
He's psychotically self-centred.
590
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,496
Everything he does
is entirely motivated by bad faith.
591
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,856
Scary. You think you know
someone like Petey Brown...
592
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,496
Petey Brooks. Who?
593
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,456
His name's Petey Brooks. Is it?
594
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,936
Well, there you go. You think you know
someone, then they have another name.
595
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,336
Shocking.
596
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,216
Thank you, Mattie.
This is excellent snitching.
597
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,416
Also excellent timing. Petey's waiting
to see me as soon as we're done.
598
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,096
Of course he is.
I know what he's up to.
599
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:54,296
I would advise that whatever he
says, you should do the opposite.
600
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,496
The exact opposite.
601
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,416
Thank you, El Snitchio.
602
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,136
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
603
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,776
We hear the rumours. We're not stupid.
And results haven't been good for a while.
604
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,256
But I'll tell you this.
605
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,136
Cesare is a legend.
606
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,136
And it takes one to know one.
607
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,376
I know he hasn't won much for years,
but he's still a winner.
608
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,816
He built this club.
609
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:19,096
And he's earned the right to choose
how and when he leaves here.
610
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:22,616
So your opinion is that
I shouldn't sack Cesare?
611
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,256
Absolutely not.
612
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,256
Don't sack Cesare.
613
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,160
Thank you, Petey.
614
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,680
Thank you, sir.
615
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,536
Danielle.
616
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,400
Could you call in Signor Cesare,
please? Thank you.
617
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,536
Hey, guys.
618
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,096
Thanks for waiting for me.
619
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,336
Now, I'm sure you've heard rumours
about Cesare while you've been away.
620
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:46,616
And it's... It's unsettling, right?
621
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,696
So, I'm here to put that
uncertainty to bed,
622
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,896
because if there's one thing
I know about this club,
623
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,376
it's that when the chips are down
624
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,216
we stick together. Probably.
625
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,536
Hey, Petey, why don't you tell them
what you came
626
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,296
and told me about the boss earlier?
627
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,360
That Cesare is a stone-cold Eyetie
legend and we should all get behind him.
628
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,776
Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
629
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,496
Hear me out, Mattie. Just let me
finish. And it's what Petey said,
630
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:14,456
combined with a little advice
from my snitch in the dressing room,
631
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,976
which has convinced me
that I've made a great decision.
632
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,376
Sorry to go against your advice,
Petey,
633
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,936
but I've sacked Cesare
as of four minutes ago.
634
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,696
What?
635
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,176
As Petey said to me,
Cesare deserves respect,
636
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,416
so I've decided to leak a story
that he's senile now
637
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,976
and couldn't even remember
to wear his pants to training.
638
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,896
OK? Have a great day.
639
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,616
And we'll probably announce
a caretaker manager soon.
640
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,296
As Cesare said to me.
641
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,936
"Arrivederci."
642
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,760
"Now I have nothing."
643
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,136
Did you get Cesare sacked?
644
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,496
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
645
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:49,696
You weapon.
646
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,576
What are you doing, man?
647
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,536
Why did you say that stuff
to the chairman?
648
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,416
You wanted rid of Cesare!
I know you did.
649
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:59,016
You're mistaken. And even if I did, I
wouldn't be the one to undermine him.
650
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,216
That stuff gets out,
fans turn on you for disloyalty.
651
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,576
You shoot at the king,
you better hit him in the face.
652
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,656
I think it's, "If you aim at..."
653
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,656
A smart person will let nature take
its course and then pick up the pieces.
654
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,536
Nature. It's not nature, is it?
655
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,416
Isn't it? No.
656
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,520
You've got a lot to learn, mate.
657
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,240
A lot.
658
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,136
And how long have they been there
for?
659
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:27,536
It's been five days now.
660
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,360
The line first.
That's why it's important.
661
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,576
You have to get them to move.
662
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,760
The neighbours think
they are homeless.
663
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,320
Borat!
664
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,360
Do you want a little drink?
Petey won't mind.
665
00:28:45,410 --> 00:28:49,960
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