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1
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,256
Good work, mate.
2
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,496
Cryo-chamber for you.
3
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,800
Go and get those muscles repaired.
Yes, sir.
4
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,016
Jesus Christ! Martin!
5
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,096
Oh! Medic! Medic!
6
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,496
Oh, someone get a medic! Paramedic!
7
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,736
Er... Blankets! Get me some
blankets. Quickly!
8
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,016
Hurry!
9
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,680
Kiss me, and I will fucking
kill you!
10
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,376
Ah...
11
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,440
Absolutely timeless banter.
12
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,216
You were like, "Medic!
Someone call a paramedic!"
13
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,616
I was all like that because it's
the appropriate response
14
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,376
when you find someone dying!
15
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,576
"Help! Get some blankets!" Again,
entirely appropriate response.
16
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,216
Just promise, if I ever collapse,
you won't try and kiss me?
17
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,896
OK. Well, that's CPR,
and you'll die if I don't.
18
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,816
Imagine getting mugged off by
the kit man.
19
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,656
"Stay with me, Martin! Don't die on
me. Think of the shorts and socks!"
20
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,840
I did not say one word of that.
Mattie!
21
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,296
Oh, my days! Got you again!
22
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,536
Double pranks!
23
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,416
That wasn't a prank, was it?
You didn't get me.
24
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,496
Why are you covered in water,
then? I turned around
25
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,936
because someone shouted my name,
and that's what humans do.
26
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,376
You're as bad as the Frenchies.
I had some banter with them,
27
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,936
next thing you know, I'm sent to HR.
28
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,176
What was the banter?
29
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,136
I called them stinking
fucking frogs.
30
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,016
Bro, how do you keep falling for
these pranks?
31
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,856
Don't reckon I could get you,
then? Me? No way!
32
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,216
Yeah? Yeah.
33
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,576
Yeah? Yeah.
34
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,056
Yeah? I just said yeah.
35
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,840
We'll see about that.
36
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,680
Well, you're fucked.
37
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,520
Aguero!
38
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,416
I thought Martin had frozen
to death!
39
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,656
You're just annoyed you got done.
Twice in a day.
40
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,496
It's no wonder we never win.
41
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,696
The... the pranks are killing
team spirit.
42
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,096
They're nasty, there's always
a victim...
43
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,576
Yeah, you.
44
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,216
I just think someone's got to
try to bring this car crash
45
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,376
of a dressing room back together.
46
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,696
Good luck trying to get the team to
bond behind a bloke
47
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,656
who thinks the cryo-chamber
can freeze people.
48
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,120
It can freeze people, Benji.
That's literally what it does.
49
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,776
Who's that? Your mum?
Nah, it's a girl.
50
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,056
I'm on that Tinder thing.
51
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,816
It's harder than I thought, though.
I've messaged a few girls,
52
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:44,096
but they expect you to ask questions
and be interested in the answers.
53
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,336
I think it's going all right
with this one, though.
54
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,480
Yeah? Let me see.
55
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,096
Have you said anything other
than hi?
56
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,376
Nah. I'm not sure it's the best idea
57
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,056
for a professional footballer to be
on a public dating app.
58
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,736
Well, I haven't used me real name.
59
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,176
It makes me nervous about getting
recognised, and that.
60
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,016
But you've used your real photo
of yourself?
61
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,176
Well, yeah, cos I want women
to want me for the real me,
62
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,776
not cos I'm a rich footballer.
63
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,136
But you are a rich footballer.
64
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,856
Yeah, but they won't know that from
looking at the photo, will they?
65
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,336
Unless they know who you are,
66
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,536
in which case they will
absolutely know.
67
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,016
This girl's pretty cool, man.
68
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,456
She writes all that tinkling music
for, like, yoga studios
69
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,056
and massage rooms, and that,
70
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:22,696
So she must be absolutely minted.
71
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,696
At least she won't be chasing you
for your money.
72
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,776
I'll play you some of her stuff
if you want.
73
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,400
Siri, play Tinkly Girl playlist.
74
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,936
Well, she's going to be broke.
75
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,056
This is shit.
76
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,576
Another defeat,
and even worse news
77
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,776
it looked like Carlos Velez
limped off injured.
78
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,136
Carlos Velez is injured?
79
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,160
Well, then we're fucked, aren't we?
Nice one!
80
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,536
This!
81
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,856
This is what's wrong with
the club. What, Carlos?
82
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,776
Yeah, he's a weirdo. Or, to look at
it another way,
83
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,336
Carlos Velez was voted
Player of the Season last year,
84
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,776
but now he's injured, he sits alone.
Why?
85
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,936
Because he's a weirdo? No.
86
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,496
Because he's waiting for the physio?
87
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,056
No... Well, maybe.
88
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,456
It's because no-one cares about
team cohesion.
89
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,816
Because he's a weirdo!
90
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,056
Absolute bell-end. Beast of a
midfielder, though.
91
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,856
I mean, when he's fit,
he's unstoppable.
92
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,816
No-one here even tries to get
to know each other.
93
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,376
There's no team spirit!
94
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,016
Oh, I'm superstitious, me.
95
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,896
I don't like hanging round the
treatment room
96
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,176
in case I catch something.
What, like a torn hamstring?
97
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,456
Exactly. You can't catch
injuries, Jack.
98
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,856
Not all of them, anyway. You can't
catch any injuries.
99
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,016
Oh, come on, you must have
some superstitions.
100
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,296
I honestly don't.
I wash me hands before a game.
101
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,936
Hygiene, not superstition.
102
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,416
I've done it once before a game,
and the water felt nice.
103
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:54,856
Took the pressure off.
104
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,976
And we won, so now I do it
before every game.
105
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,856
Nando's cheesecake is another one.
106
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,696
What? I have a Nando's cheesecake
before games.
107
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,136
It's also a good one,
because I like cheesecake.
108
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,816
A whole cheesecake before a game?
109
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,576
Everyone has superstitions, bro.
110
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,336
Ohh! Superstitions, is it?
111
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,096
Oh, I've got plenty of those.
112
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,416
I, um... I used to not have sex
with the wife
113
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,896
the day before the game.
114
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,776
Now it's more like the week before.
115
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,856
And we have a game every week,
116
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,480
so I just literally never have sex.
117
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,176
Nah. No, you're fine.
118
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,400
Did you...? What?
Huh? I didn't. No.
119
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,856
Nah. Don't mention.
120
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,576
Nothing.
121
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,920
Well, see you in a bit.
122
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,696
Chris... Well, I'm glad Carlos is
out for a bit, to be fair.
123
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,296
He's absolutely mental in training.
124
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,696
Yeah. He's competitive.
125
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,416
Of course. We all are.
126
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,976
I think he just needs a friend.
127
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,376
And that's going to be you, is it?
128
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,416
Well, you gotta start somewhere.
129
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,136
Well, I know where I'm
starting. Lunch!
130
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,056
Carlos! Hey!
131
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,856
Como estas? Yo soy Mattie.
132
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,456
Mattie from America.
133
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,216
You probably knew that already.
134
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,280
How are you, man? How's it going?
135
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,336
I mean, you're injured. Sure.
136
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,616
Which is bad.
137
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,336
But it's getting better, right?
138
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,296
The old Achilles.
139
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,280
The great Achilles. The beautiful
youth, Achilles.
140
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,456
Have I ever told you how good a
player you are?
141
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,976
I wish I could be you.
142
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,096
You're a great tackler. Obviously.
143
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,256
But I think you're more skilful than
you get credit for.
144
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,256
And you look good doing it.
145
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,616
I really like you.
146
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,640
As a player!
147
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,496
Cool. Good. Not weird chat.
148
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,576
Anyway, I was just wondering
if you wanted to hang out some time.
149
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,520
Just... trying to be friendly.
150
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,616
Hey!
151
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,816
Later, come to my house.
We play pool.
152
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,416
Yes. Yes, great!
153
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,216
Exactly. Yes!
154
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:58,760
All right.
155
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,256
You all right with this?
156
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,496
Yeah, bro. Is this the prank?
157
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,056
Cos you're going to have to
do a whole lot better than this.
158
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,136
No, this is just a warm-up, mate.
159
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:18,000
I've got the Champions League final
of pranks lined up for you.
160
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,976
I mean, that guy is
just unbelievable.
161
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,176
I'd be worried about
spilling that
162
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,296
on my balls.
163
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,536
I think he's got a salad.
164
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,256
That long foreskin, though. Could
get some tuna stuck up there.
165
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,016
Pretty sure vinegar is more
the enemy.
166
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,616
All right? Course!
167
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,056
We were just bantering.
168
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,416
He's jokes.
169
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,936
Cos no-one's more fun than a bully.
170
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,096
You're the one who said get to know
your team-mates,
171
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,936
so while you've been hanging
with the freak,
172
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,096
me and the big man at the club
are getting tight.
173
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,040
Hey, Mattie!
174
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,576
Are yous going to wank it off
over his back later, then?
175
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,696
No. We're going to play some pool.
176
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,896
He's so weird, he's making
you weird.
177
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,896
Weirder. He's not weird.
He's just shy. Like Jack.
178
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,496
What? Carlos is shy.
179
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,256
He's not good with people. Like
you. Is he winding me up?
180
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:11,856
I'm not shy.
Jack, come on, mate.
181
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,496
You don't use the phone because you
don't like talking to people.
182
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,696
What if they say something?
They will say something,
183
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,496
cos it's a phone. That's its
purpose. I'm thoughtful, not shy.
184
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,056
I'm not shy!
185
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,816
All right, fine, I'll prove it.
186
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,696
I'll ask that girl out now.
How shy is that?
187
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,136
That's what you do on dating apps.
188
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,816
Done!
189
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,136
And she said yeah straight away.
190
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,336
"When should we go out?"
191
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,640
How about right now?
192
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,696
She said she can't do right
now, obviously,
193
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,536
as it's half-twelve on a Tuesday
194
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:40,976
and she's got a job.
195
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,616
Just say you can meet her
later, then.
196
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,056
Nah, I'll leave that.
197
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,360
It's a bit embarrassing.
198
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,656
Are you here for the dog shit?
199
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,936
What? The dog shit.
Are you here for it?
200
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,936
No, I'm not here for the dog shit.
201
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,456
I'm here to play with Carlos...
202
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,120
I'm here to hang out with Carlos.
203
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,480
Shoes off.
204
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,696
Carlos!
205
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,976
Oh, fuck!
206
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,056
Jesus! Agh! Carlos!
207
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,616
Hey! Hey, man. Don't panic.
He don't bite.
208
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,736
He is literally biting me right now.
209
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,576
He's mouthing, not biting.
210
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,056
Teeth are in the mouth.
Mouthing with teeth is biting.
211
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,760
Come on, don't be such a pussy.
212
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,576
It's just a scratch.
213
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,080
You never play anyway.
Come on, let's go.
214
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,216
So you live here with just the dog
and your dad?
215
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,416
Who? Your dad?
216
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,576
Oh, no, no, no. He's not my dad.
217
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,736
That's my owner. What?
218
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,936
He owns me. He really owns you?
219
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,296
Well, of course!
220
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,736
So, do you have any other friends
in England
221
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,696
apart from him?
222
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,776
He's not my friend.
223
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,416
He's my owner.
224
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,656
Sure.
225
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,536
But no other ties? Well, yes.
226
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,696
Business interests. Cool!
227
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,376
Cool. Like... like what?
228
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,576
I have a puppy farm down the road.
229
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,056
Farming and selling dogs for money,
230
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,176
that's my happiness.
231
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,840
Cool. Cool stuff. Yeah, yeah.
232
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,936
Do you want to see my lizards?
233
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,136
I do!
234
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,336
But maybe we could play pool first?
235
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,760
Yeah, of course.
236
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,696
Oh, man.
237
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,936
Oh, my God.
238
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,920
Carlos, you need to get someone
to clean up the dog shit.
239
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,776
Oh, hello! Can you help me, please?
240
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,016
No. Thank you.
241
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,136
I am lost and cannot find
a train station.
242
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,576
Look, it's that way. Keep walking
and then you ask someone else.
243
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,416
Oh. Thank you for your help!
244
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,056
I would love to give you
payment, huh?
245
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,016
Ohh! Look at all this money I have.
246
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,376
You don't need to pay me.
No, no, no. I insist!
247
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,536
When I meet a young footballer like
you, Benji,
248
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,856
who wants to help people,
249
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:26,096
I make sure they get rewarded
for that help. You know my name?
250
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,856
Oh, hang on!
251
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,296
I can help you make a lot of
money, huh?
252
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,096
Help you buy proper car,
253
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,616
not Ford Focus with mirror wrap.
254
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,360
Ah, here.
255
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,736
Ah, yeah.
256
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,856
Well, I'm usually at
the training complex
257
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,776
if you want to give me more money
for no reason.
258
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,176
What a great club. Great players.
259
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:50,776
Sure. Sure. Like... Petey Brooks?
Yeah?
260
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,776
Exactly. See you soon... friend.
261
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,120
Yeah.
262
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,560
You're going to have to do way
better than that, Petey.
263
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:06,840
Come on!
264
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,736
That was weak!
265
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,136
Check this out.
266
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,696
Yes!
267
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,800
And I win... again. Please pay.
268
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,536
I never lose at pool.
269
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,656
Never. I mean, that is why I have
taken all your money, you know?
270
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,656
I'm the best. The very best.
271
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,576
Way better than you, of course.
272
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,896
Yeah!
273
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,136
Anyway, I should get back now, as my
foot's starting to hurt quite a bit.
274
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,296
Hey, no, no, no. It's only
a scratch.
275
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,816
Yeah, but it's on my foot,
276
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,856
so, to be honest, I have a better
idea of the pain.
277
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,680
Or maybe you are a woman?
278
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,056
OK. You leave.
279
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,576
Just admit we were right.
He's a freak.
280
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,936
Yes, he's different.
281
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,336
But we're all different.
282
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,896
He likes to play pool for money,
283
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,616
and doesn't always clear up
after his dog. So what?
284
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,856
Why not come and hang with me and
Carlos tomorrow?
285
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,256
Oh, yeah, sounds great.
286
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,936
A terraced house filled with
dog shit? Yes, please!
287
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,096
Well, firstly, his owner's getting
someone in
288
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,336
to deal with the dog shit.
289
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,136
His owner? And secondly,
you just don't want to come
290
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,096
because you're afraid that I'm
actually right, and he's a good guy.
291
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,216
I would come, but I've got a date
with Tinkly Girl tomorrow night.
292
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,856
Well, we're meeting up in the
afternoon, so you can make it.
293
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,096
Bollocks. Come on, Benj.
294
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,216
Is your foot bleeding?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
295
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,256
Don't bring a fucking injury
into my house!
296
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,896
What are you doing? You haven't been
anywhere near my foot.
297
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,400
That's very disrespectful
of my superstitions.
298
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,136
It looks like it's got infected
with something.
299
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,256
Dog shit. Sorry?
300
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,776
I got dog shit in it.
301
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,696
By accident. It wasn't a sex game.
302
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,936
Not for one second
did I think it was a sex game.
303
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,776
I'll get you some antibiotics, but
you're out for at least five days.
304
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,656
Er, what? Hey!
305
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,376
My dog didn't bite him.
306
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,736
Well, not intentionally.
Not at all!
307
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,856
Um... OK!
308
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,296
So, of course, you are coming to my
house after treatment?
309
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,736
Or... how about we go out?
310
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,016
Somewhere fun?
311
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,056
The puppy farm?
312
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,136
Yeah, maybe. Or somewhere else?
313
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,136
The lizards?
314
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,336
Where else could we go, I wonder?
315
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,336
Oh, I know! Laser Quest!
316
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,080
We fight with light!
317
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,896
Jack! Jack, mate, how are you?
318
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,376
Er... OK, yeah.
319
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,576
Great. Now, you've got to do me a
favour, me old mate.
320
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,776
Oh, I'm busy. We're meant to be
going on a Laser Quest
321
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,856
with Mattie and Carlos.
322
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,656
Laser Quest? What are you, 20?
323
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,496
I'm 21. No, listen, I need a favour.
It won't take a minute.
324
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,456
It's just through this door, OK?
325
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,720
You don't want to let me down,
do you?
326
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,776
Go on, then. We're waiting.
327
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,216
Er...
328
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,256
Oh, right. Yeah. What for?
329
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,816
Petey said you're going to be
talking us through our next game
330
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,896
as part of your FA coaching badge.
331
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,600
What?
332
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,096
What the fuck is this?
333
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,040
Oh, Petey, that's a good one.
334
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,160
I don't know why you're laughing,
mate. You're next.
335
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,240
That's disgusting.
336
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,960
Waste my time again and I'll destroy
your balls with a hammer!
337
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,696
Sorry.
338
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,880
Sorry.
339
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,856
Everything all right? Yeah.
340
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,416
Petey Brooks forced me to show some
fat bloke smashing himself
341
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,176
in the balls with a hammer to
the ladies' team, but, yeah.
342
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,056
Right. Well, we need to go.
Carlos doesn't like to wait.
343
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,896
All right. I'm nearly done.
344
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,896
Oh, shit.
345
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,896
I need to book somewhere for
me date.
346
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:14,976
Do what I do.
347
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,056
Just walk in anywhere and tell them
who you are.
348
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,576
And then they'll get a table.
349
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,976
Best to be safe. I'll book somewhere
near the Laser Quest.
350
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,296
Ideal. There's a Frankie & Benny's
right across from it. Be all right.
351
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,496
You're taking a girl
352
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,816
Frankie & Benny's on a
trading estate?
353
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,216
You've got no game!
354
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,456
Jack, I don't think a chain
restaurant is a great place
355
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:32,576
to try to impress a girl.
356
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,696
That's cos you went to university
and you're a snob.
357
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:35,736
That's a fair point.
358
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,576
Shit, you can't book online.
Then call 'em.
359
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,536
Can you do it? 6pm for two.
360
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,096
Six? Six seems a bit early.
361
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,256
Yeah, but that way, if it goes
badly, I can get home
362
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,856
and play Fortnite, and if it
goes well,
363
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,040
I can have sex and then go home
and play Fortnite.
364
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,296
So when there's a real space war,
as Asimov has predicted,
365
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,416
those of us who are used to
handling laser weaponry
366
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,856
are going to have a
huge advantage. Huge.
367
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,176
It's actually the closest thing
we can have to galactic combat.
368
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,816
Shut up!
369
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,776
Could you just stop your
boring talk?
370
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,416
Yeah! No more talking!
371
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,496
Let's get going. This is going to
be fun!
372
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,256
OK. So these are your targets, guys,
here, on the chest.
373
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,616
These indicators on your shoulders
will flash red
374
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:12,816
when you guys get hit.
375
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,696
Obviously, in a real situation,
if you got hit by a laser,
376
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,296
you'd be completely disintegrated.
377
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,216
Shut up!
378
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,296
OK. Not too scary for you?
379
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,776
Laser Quest? I think I'm good.
OK. Well, you will lose, for sure.
380
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,976
Mattie, my friend, you are with
me. OK?
381
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,936
Of course, Carlos, my friend.
382
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,816
OK, guys, let's get in there. Let's
play some Laser Quest.
383
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,456
You guys ready to go?
384
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,936
I really... Honestly, I really hope
you guys have a good time.
385
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,600
Shut up! OK.
386
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,536
If this is where Carlos hangs out,
I'm not surprised he's got no mates.
387
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,216
It's like playing hide-and-seek in
a fucking concussion.
388
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,856
I like shooting, to be fair.
389
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,296
Guns, laser, bow
and arrow, whatever.
390
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,976
I know I shouldn't say this,
but guns are fun.
391
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,576
There should be more guns.
392
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,360
Can't wait till I can get a
real laser.
393
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,976
So, you play a lot of Laser Quest
in Mexico?
394
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,576
Is it a big thing over there?
395
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,056
I can see them!
396
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,536
We can kill them!
397
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,016
Right. Cool. OK. Yeah.
398
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,456
Oh, no. Don't do that. It won't
register when you get hit.
399
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,696
Yes! We win.
400
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,376
I get that, but I think they might,
you know,
401
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,296
maybe see that as cheating a bit.
402
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,896
Oh, no! Don't do that.
403
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,720
We attack, we win.
404
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,040
What's going on? It's not
working. I hit him! I hit him!
405
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,240
What the fuck...? Is yours working?
406
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,320
No!
407
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,376
We win, Mattie.
408
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,736
Me and also you.
409
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:07,960
Again.
410
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,776
I mean, they obviously ripped
off Foundation.
411
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,456
You know, the empire? Parsecs?
412
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,536
The hero's called Han? Hello?
413
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,136
Shut up. Mattie, you coming back
to my house?
414
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,616
Er, yeah. Yeah.
415
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,056
I guess so. You guys can come
too, of course.
416
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,376
We play pool for money.
For Mattie's money.
417
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,336
Nah, I've seen enough.
418
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,056
Have fun. Yeah, I've got a date.
419
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,016
Oh, I hope you get to fuck.
420
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,496
Mattie, come on, let's go.
421
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,680
Hey.
422
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,736
He's a prick, isn't he?
Total fucking cheat.
423
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,256
Can't wait for him to be fit and
back in the first team, though.
424
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,240
Oh, amazing first touch.
425
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,736
Benji!
426
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,376
No. No. Seriously?
427
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,976
Fancy seeing you here at this
out-of-town shopping centre!
428
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,336
Huh? I wonder how you knew I was
going to be at Laser Quest,
429
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,816
where I never go.
430
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,256
But Petey Brooks definitely knew
I was going.
431
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,936
Oh, I came here to go to Halfords
432
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,696
somebody told me it's great for
inner tubes - and I bumped into you.
433
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,016
Course, mate. Coincidence. Maybe we
can get a coffee together?
434
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,496
Huh, friend? There's a coffee shop
in Tesco's.
435
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,656
We've got a lot of serious talking
to do.
436
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,376
Maybe you should buy me dinner?
437
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,816
Of course! Yes.
438
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,776
How about Frankie & Benny's?
Let's go.
439
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,056
Hey, was it fun? No, we lost. Ah...
440
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,016
Ah, Mattie.
441
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,256
You and I are a great team.
442
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,936
I can't wait till we're owned by
the same guy.
443
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,416
Like slave brothers?
444
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,640
Yes!
445
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,696
You owe me 20 bucks, by the way.
Come on, pay up.
446
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,976
Now set up the balls. We play again.
447
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,016
All or nothing.
448
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,560
So I can win it all!
449
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,496
Jack Turner!
450
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,896
Oh, my God! It's Jack Turner!
451
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,056
Um... table booked.
I saw the booking,
452
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,376
but it's quite a common name - no
offence - and I thought, "No way!"
453
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,936
"No way. He won't eat at
Frankie & Benny's."
454
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,896
But you're here! Amazing!
455
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,736
Got a season ticket.
456
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,896
West stand. About four rows back.
Probably not see me, but I know you.
457
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:11,936
Erm...
458
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,576
Yeah. Table's this way.
459
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,680
And there she is - the very, very
lucky lady.
460
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,096
All right?
Oh, my God! It really is you!
461
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,416
You're a fan too, then?
462
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,976
My whole family. We even go to
the under-23 games.
463
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,776
Oh, I thought it was you on the app,
464
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,976
and then I thought,
"No, it can't be!"
465
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,336
It is you, isn't it?
466
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,096
Of course it is. Look at
the tracksuit.
467
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,536
Oh, can I get a pic for Insta?
468
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,880
Can I wash me hands?
Oh, just a quick one!
469
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,880
Oh... Can you smile?
470
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,536
How'd you know it was me on the app?
471
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,296
There was a picture of your face.
472
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,776
Shit, yeah. Course.
473
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,536
I might just wash me hands.
474
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,200
No, no, no. Sit down.
475
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,056
So, I represent some people.
476
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,336
Important people.
477
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,536
Rich people. And they like you.
478
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,936
Yeah? That's nice of them. Yes!
479
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,936
And they're playing a long game.
They think you've a bright future,
480
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,696
that you'll be a big star in
football.
481
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:10,896
I'm trying.
482
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,256
My friends, they are nice people.
483
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,496
They sound nice.
484
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,336
Suspiciously nice. Very nice.
485
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:18,056
And sometimes, you know,
486
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,896
in return, they ask for
small things.
487
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,856
Oh, right. What kind of things?
488
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,256
Small things.
489
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,696
Easy things.
490
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,056
Give away a throw-in, get a
yellow card.
491
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,856
And maybe you can talk to
Jack Turner, your friend.
492
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,216
He does the same,
493
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:37,096
suddenly you two are earning even
more money than your team-mates.
494
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:38,376
And you deserve it.
495
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,536
OK. Sounds like a plan. Count me in.
496
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,056
And Jack. And the new guy, Mattie.
497
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,536
And maybe we could get Petey Brooks
involved too?
498
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,576
That would be wonderful.
499
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,376
You are a generous man.
500
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,336
But these are serious people.
501
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,096
You don't joke with them.
502
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,576
No. Of course not.
503
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,296
No pranks.
504
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,696
Tell your friends
I'm 100% down with their plan.
505
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,656
Fantastic.
506
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,976
So
507
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,576
Do you go out much?
508
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,176
Out me house? Yeah.
509
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,016
No.
510
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,976
All right? How's this
little romantic dinner going?
511
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,256
Jack talking your ear off, I bet?
Excuse me, this is private.
512
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,976
I'm his mate. His team-mate.
Benji Achebe?
513
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,216
Never heard of you.
514
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,816
Well, I am his team-mate.
515
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,776
Yes. You obviously don't play
that often,
516
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,896
because I'm a massive fan,
and I'd recognise you.
517
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,696
One day you will. You will one day.
518
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,376
Well, yeah, because now I've
met you!
519
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,376
No. I mean, because I've got a
bright future.
520
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,936
Sorry to bother you -
could we get a selfie?
521
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,256
Yeah, sure.
522
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,736
Just for when you get really famous.
523
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,936
Oh, we can't all fit in.
Can you take it for us?
524
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,520
Fuck right off. See you later, J.
525
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:47,816
Jack?
526
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,096
Jack?
527
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,936
Jack.
528
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,416
Er, yeah, I know, yeah.
I'm really sorry about that.
529
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:54,896
Yeah. Um...
530
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,160
No, it wasn't a great pass, no,
but... yeah.
531
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,296
I told you it was him!
532
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,936
Yeah. He says he's on the bench
this weekend.
533
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,936
I'm going to call Uncle Neil now.
534
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,576
You don't mind one more, do you?
535
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,536
Right, Uncle Neil! Er, no,
536
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,336
but I have really got to go to
the toilet.
537
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,616
Uncle Neil?
538
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,776
Did Dad tell you?
539
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,080
Yeah. No, he'll be back in a minute.
540
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,536
Jack?
541
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:26,936
Um, Emily, your date.
542
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,336
She wants to know if you're
coming out.
543
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,136
Er, yeah, I'll be out in a minute.
544
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,240
I'm just washing me hands.
545
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:35,896
Is that all the money you have?
546
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,256
I mean, of course, I can lend
you some.
547
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,640
You pay me back,
because I'm about to win again.
548
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,416
Yes! Fuck you! You potted the black!
I win!
549
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,416
I win. Fuck you!
550
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,816
No, I pot the stripe and then
the black. I win.
551
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,096
Oh, come off it, mate. You know
the rules.
552
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,976
I thought you were my
friend, Mattie.
553
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,816
What the fuck? You come into my
house and try to steal from me?
554
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,816
You lost! Just accept it.
555
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,376
No. What's going on?
He stole my money.
556
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,816
What? Yeah.
557
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,576
You give that back.
No, it's mine. I won it,
558
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,296
just like he's won hundreds off me.
559
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,736
You didn't win nothing. You're
a thief.
560
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,376
I'm sad.
561
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,056
I had all the papers drawn up for me
to own you, but now.
562
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,656
Im not sure.
563
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:19,976
Oh, no!
564
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,776
I'm so gutted I'm not going to be
owned by some fucking nutcase pimp
565
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,416
whose other property, Carlos,
cheats at Laser Quest
566
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,296
and farms dogs!
567
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,376
So, thanks for the money, glad you
got all the shit cleared up.
568
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,456
Well, most of it, anyway.
And goodbye!
569
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,536
No! No! I'm... I'm keeping the money.
570
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,976
I'm keeping the money! I'm
keeping the money!
571
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,120
I have the money.
572
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,256
Just washing his hands? Fuck off!
573
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,856
I promise you. Liar!
574
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,056
You snuck him out the back
cos he didn't fancy me.
575
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,176
Well, you're getting a fucking shit
Tripadvisor review!
576
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,240
No, no. My boss loves that site.
Fuck you!
577
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,336
Um... Jack?
578
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,176
We're sort of shut now.
579
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,416
Been shut about an hour.
580
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,760
Can you leave, mate?
581
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,656
Shit!
582
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,576
Um... Yeah, course. Sorry.
583
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:13,816
Oh, great.
584
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,096
Sorry.
585
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:18,320
So, do you think you might get to
play Saturday? It's a big game.
586
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,496
Some news coming out of
the club about Carlos Velez.
587
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,960
He doesn't seem very
happy, does he, Carlos?
588
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,840
You can tell him I speak enough
Spanish to know what he means.
589
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,256
Mattie? Can I have a word outside?
590
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,816
Of course. What's up?
591
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,296
If I could tell you in here, we
wouldn't need to go outside,
592
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,960
would we?
593
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,096
He wants to leave?
594
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,816
You don't need to read it all.
595
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,456
Carlos is a very important player
for us. I agree.
596
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,456
I've been saying this. I've tried to
make him feel more included.
597
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,936
Well, you haven't succeeded, cos his
agent has handed in
598
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,376
a transfer request.
599
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,776
I think you mean his owner.
600
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,096
He mentioned you were
culturally insensitive.
601
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,096
He has a puppy farm!
602
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,296
It's exactly that kind of thing
he's talking about.
603
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,176
And he's a cheat. And that!
604
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,976
I was just trying to make friends
with him,
605
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,776
to bring the team closer together.
606
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,560
Well, I'd like you to stop
doing that.
607
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,536
Great. Thank you.
608
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,256
Jack, how was your date? Not bad.
609
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,336
I can never go back to Frankie
& Benny's,
610
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:32,096
and Emily's got me banned from
Tinder for lying about my identity.
611
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:34,976
Yeah. I think you're better off
without. I didn't like her.
612
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,376
She seemed ignorant of talent.
613
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,656
How's Carlos?
614
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,296
Leaving the club. Because of me.
615
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,096
So, we were right! He's a weirdo.
616
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:42,536
Yeah. Say it.
617
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,496
You were right. Carlos is a weirdo.
618
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,176
Ha-ha! Decent midfielder, though.
619
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,056
Unbelievable touch. Right.
620
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,136
Well, that's me done with
making friends.
621
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,656
Huh. Lucky you got us, then, because
I'm about to cheer you right up.
622
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,296
Really? Yeah.
623
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,736
I'm going to turn the tables on
Petey Brooks big time.
624
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,736
Yeah. He's been playing this
massive prank
625
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,816
with this Malaysian businessman,
and I've been playing along.
626
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,856
Is that sensible? Yes, cos I'm going
to tell Petey
627
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,520
that I've rumbled him
and I've reported him to the FA.
628
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,120
This is going to be mad.
629
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,416
Ah, Petey Brooks!
630
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,656
Good to see you.
631
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,120
I've got some bad n...
632
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,416
Oh, fuck me! That was amazing!
633
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,776
Oh, my God! The state of you!
634
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,816
Took us all week to rig that,
but that was well worth it.
635
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,800
Got you. Capital P for pranked.
636
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,736
This was the prank?
637
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,896
What do you think it is,
a birthday card?
638
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:44,816
This is the prank?
This is how you got me?
639
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,656
Are you blind as well as stupid?
Everyone is pissing themselves.
640
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,656
Totally got ya.
641
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,336
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
642
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,416
Mate, he got you there.
643
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,856
It's been a good week, hasn't it?
It could get worse.
644
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,376
I've agreed to match-fix with a
Malaysian crime syndicate!
645
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,176
And I've said you two will help!
646
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,640
I'm just going to wash me hands.
647
00:29:04,690 --> 00:29:09,240
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