Original subtitles

[ Nasally ]

♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet, yeah, the sooo-- ♪

There's a warble in the mike.

Are you picking up on that?

Are you planning

on singing?

No, no, no, no.

I just want to be prepared

for all possibilities, so --

Hey! Oh, my God.

No, you're early!

This isn't what

it's gonna look like.

This is all

gonna be top shelf.

And there's gonna be

a water-bottle display

on each

of the three pillars,

and I've hired this woman

to literally walk around

and create small-talk.

I got some big news

for the both of us.

You ready for this?

-I don't know.

-Don't be scared.

-Okay.

-It's good.

-Okay.

"New York Magazine."

-No!

-Yes.

-Don't do that.

-I'm sorry.

But I pitched your idea

to these editors,

and they loved it,

so they want it ready

to print ASAP.

Oh, my God -- okay,

I've -- I'm blind.

You are?

-I can't see.

-Uh-oh, uh-oh.

I have too much work to do,

and I can't see. I'm kidding.

I can see, but I need to get

back to work right now.

-Go for it.

-Thank you so much.

Alanna, yeah, no.

Why are you touching the --

we said just touch

from the top.

When you touch anywhere lower,

we get fingerprints.

So just touch

from the top.

Nothing was stolen.

I mean,

nothing was even moved.

I just feel like

whoever made this note

must be

a professional, right?

Well, the way I see it

is you got two choices.

You, uh, you do what they say

and stop,

or you say screw those guys

and you keep digging.

Well, I mean,

I can't just stop.

Yeah.

All right,

that's my girl.

Should we check out

this cult?

I m-- I mean,

I already did that.

Yeah, but did you go

through their trash?

No.

Well, if you want to know

what somebody's up to,

you got to take a look at what

they're throwing away.

Mm, really?

Hey, that's the kid

from the fishing trip, huh?

Yeah, that was

the priest's son.

And who's that?

Uh, we used to be lovers.

Hey, Zack.

I'm gonna need you

to update it

to the most recent version

of the slide show

like I've asked you

anywhere between two

to four times, okay?

I need the original version

of the slide show

like I asked before!

I'm so sorry.

Uh, no.

We used to be

in a relationship,

and I'm just kind of back

in the single life

and it's been really hard.

-Me too.

I feel you.

I feel you.

Oh, so y-you're single.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Here we are --

two single men.

Mm.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I have a big question

to ask you.

Okay, ask me.

Why this?

Why water?

Uh, wow.

Um, the political answer --

someone has to.

-Right.

-You know, someone has to.

Um, but the real answer

[Laughs]

if I'm being honest, um,

survivor's guilt.

Oh, right.

I was gonna ask about that.

Do you feel comfortable

talking about it?

Do I feel comfortable

talking about the moment

when my mom got the call

that her son had

stage-four lymphoma?

-Mm.

-Or when I found out

that my sophomore year

in high school

might be my last year

on Earth?

Yeah, no, I actually

do feel comfortable

talking about that.

What I would rather talk about

is the moment

where I realized that

I am not the only one in pain.

And fuck me for not

realizing it sooner.

Dina, do you think

you could, like, zhoosh it

a little bit more?

-Yeah.

'Cause I feel a little bit

like...krrkk, you know?

Hi, Dunky!

Uh, can we have a second?

-Sure.

-Bye.

What's up?

Really great scene

earlier.

-Thank you.

-You're killing it.

Um, remember

what I said earlier?

Garcia confronts

the serial killer?

Um, yeah.

I'm, like, so excited.

Well, uh, I just want you

to be ready

that when that happens,

Garcia dies.

What?

I'm s-- I'm sorry.

Did you just say

that I die?

It's just where the story

was going,

and I think

Kippy pitched it.

Kippy?!

And then

we were like, "Yes,"

and it just sort of

all came together.

It just made sense.

I just -- I'm sorry.

I thought I was, like,

an incredible actor.

Oh, you are.

It's just that the show

needs you to die.

[ Voice breaking ] Is there,

like, a SAG-AFTRA representative

who I can talk to?

Or, like, I just need

to write someone a letter,

or, like, can I have another

audition or something?

Like, is there anything

that I can do?

There's just --

there's no room

for a discussion

on this, Portia.

I'm sorry.

-[ Crying ]

Um, I'm just gonna

leave this here.

Ah, shit.

What do we do now?

How far

do you want to go?

[ Horn honks in distance ]

Do it, yeah.

[ Chain rattles ]

-Pia?

-Dory!

-Hi.

-You're back.

Yeah,

what are you doing here?

I'm so happy to see you.

Why are you, um, cleaning

the floor with a toothbrush?

I wanted to, for Edwin.

It's the least I could do.

Are you here

to see Brick?

No.

Actually, no.

I think I left my wallet here

last night,

so we just came by just to --

just to check.

We?

Dory, are you here

with someone else?

No. No, I am not.

No. I just --

I didn't mean to --

-[ Whistles, clicks tongue ]

-Who is that?

-Oh, okay.

I'm sorry to bother you.

Have a nice day!

Keith:

All right, come on, come on.

Edwin!

Brick!

They're taking our trash!

Go, go, go, go go!

we had a break-in

last night.

We wrote them in English

and Spanish, so...

You should get a weapon,

just in case.

I have a bat.

I have something

way better.

[ Classical music playing ]

-Mom.

-Oh!

I keep forgetting

you have your own key.

They're killing Garcia.

Who's Garcia?

My character

on "Surviving Essex."

Oh! I thought you were talking

about a real person.

No, Mom. Like, I don't get

to do the show anymore.

What did you do wrong?

I didn't do anything wrong.

They love me.

No, let's be real,

Portia.

If they liked you,

they would've kept you alive

and talking.

Mom, that's not how

television works, okay?

The creators have a story

that they have to tell,

and sometimes the kill

their most beloved

characters off

to keep people

entertained.

Well, if you're going

to defend them,

I don't know what position

you want me to take

in this matter.

I just came here 'cause I

thought you could give me,

like, a little sympathy.

Oh, boo hoo.

I mean, really, come on.

Your character didn't make

a lick of sense.

I mean, here you are,

this privileged white person

from the Upper West Side

playing an illegal immigrant

who somehow gets a job

with the NYPD?

I mean, you're basically

stealing

from the Latina

community.

You watched it.

Well...

This is starting to feel

a little useless.

You know, that's the thing

about P.I. work

is there's a lot

of dead ends.

And then you're sitting outside

in your car

for the 15th straight hour,

sick off deli coffee and...

you know, you want to give up,

thinking about how your dad

never forgave you

for not taking over

the family business,

and then boom -- it just

comes to you, you know?

You put it all together

and you figure out

how to find that scared

little girl

and bring her back home

to her family,

safe and sound.

And you remember why

you're doing it to begin with,

and that it's okay

to be a lone wolf.

That's a little cheesy.

Sorry.

No, no.

-Nah.

-That's great.

Yeah, I don't know.

You want another beer?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

All right.

Here.

-Thanks.

[ Electricity crackles ]

Jesus.

Hey, why do you

even have a taser?

My aunt had it

when she thought her life

was in danger,

but she doesn't

need it anymore.

She's dead.

Could you not touch

all my crap?

What are you doing?

So I looked it up,

and the taser's worth $500,

so I'm either gonna take

one big thing

that's equal to that

or a bunch of small things

that add up to that.

Okay?

-No, you're not.

Okay? Can you just

take this back, then?

Because I actually

bought my stuff

'cause I like my stuff.

I don't like this.

Take this.

-No, we're already doing this.

-Okay.

How much is this?

It's cute.

Maybe I can wear it

to lunch next week

when I finally meet my dad.

Jesus.

Would you please put

that back, okay?

That's my girlfriend,

Dory's.

You don't

have to look away.

They're just human tits.

I know I don't

have to look away.

I just prefer not

to see your breasts.

[ Chuckles ]

Look. Turn around.

[ Sighs ]

So, who do you think

looks better,

me or your girlfriend?

I think that you both have

a certain charm.

Can you please

take that off?

-Okay.

-Jesus.

Woman: Our mission at Pour

is to provide clean and healthy

water for villages in Uganda.

With your help, we can change

the landscape of Africa

and leave a legacy

of life for tomorrow.

Because we all speak

the language of friendship.

Thank you in advance

for your support.

All: Thank you!

[ Applause ]

Thank you guys so much.

Whoa.

[ Giggles ]

Sorry.

It's like I've never been

on stage before.

[ Laughter ]

I have.

I have been on stage.

Don't make me list my credits,

um, I was Mack the Knife

on stage 13 years ago

in my high school production

of "Threepenny Opera", bitch.

[ Laughter ]

Uh, what I do want to say

is that when you take a sip

of water tonight,

I want you to feel

fucking guilty.

[ Laughter ]

In all seriousness,

we do need your help.

We really do.

We raised enough money

to get here, tonight,

but tonight-tonight, we need

to raise enough money

to make clean water

in Africa a reality.

Okay.

If you guys are with me,

let's do this.

Okay?

Invest in Pour.

Huh!

No!

That didn't count!

-That's in!

-No, that does not count!

That went in.

No, because your legs

crossed the line.

There's no line.

There's no line.

That's the whole point!

Yes!

-I don't see your line.

-Your legs crossed this one.

-I'm a renegade.

-No, it doesn't count.

All right, you want to, uh,

should we get back to it?

Yeah, sure.

So how long have you and this

Dory chick been together?

I don't know,

about three years.

Why?

What do you mean, "why"?

I do not see you two

together, dude.

Um...

I mean, like,

we're really good friends,

so we're really comfortable

with each other,

if that's what you mean.

Sounds like

you don't fuck.

No, we do.

Yeah, yeah.

We definitely do.

Not a lot lately, I guess,

'cause things have been

pretty stressful

around here, but, uh...

we do.

[ Grace Mitchell's

"Runaway" plays ]

♪ I see myself

in your hazy eyes ♪

♪ Hands on my side,

moves just like mine ♪

♪ I could feel you on my

shoulder, I could die ♪

I really like this song.

I like songs that take

you there, you know?

Yeah.

Wait, didn't you say

you found a piece

of a check earlier?

Can I see it?

-Yeah.

This one?

-Yeah.

TW Brownway.

I'm a head Realtor

at TW Brownway.

Wait, TW Brownway.

That's the company that

that crazy lady Lorraine

I was telling you about --

that's the company

that she worked for.

Huh.

Maybe she actually

did know something.

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's interesting.

TW Brownway is real estate,

so...

I don't know, maybe they own

the Bellow & Hare building?

Yeah, but then

why would TW Brownway

be sending a check

to the cult?

Shouldn't it be

the other way around?

[ Breathes in deeply ]

Ooh, you feel that?

Hairs on the back of your neck

standing up on end.

What does Dory do

to turn you on?

[ Sighs ]

Uh, I don't know.

Does she dance for you?

Yeah, like weddings.

Does she bite your lip?

No, but I understand

what you're talking about.

Does she sit on your big,

fat snake?

You're a nice guy.

I'm tired of not knowing

where all the nice guys are.

Yeah, I have a girlfriend,

so I can't, uh, do this.

So does everybody.

[ Sighs ]

You got to go.

I've never been more

disrespected in my life.

[ Music continues ]

-This is crazy, right?

-Yeah.

-This is -- this is really good.

-Yeah.

You don't think it's just,

like, a coincidence, right?

No, no.

You do this stuff long enough,

you realize there's no such

thing as coincidence.

In fact,

you know what I think?

What?

Shit, I'm gonna get myself

in trouble here.

No, why?

I just can't stop

looking at you.

Oh.

♪ What if we just

want to dance? ♪

I just find you stunning.

If you knew all the things

I want to do to you

right now...

[ Sighs ]

♪ What if we want to dance? ♪

♪ Nothing else matters,

anyway ♪

-You like that?

-Oh.

Me and my buddies

all got it.

I can't tell you what

it means, though,

'cause, you know,

we took an oath.

No, you don't have to tell me.

It's okay.

So sexy.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

I got to take this.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, huh?

Oh, Goddamn it.

That was today?

Oh, well,

isn't that perfect?

You know what, though?

Steven is not her father.

No -- hey!

Calm the fuck down!

Hello?

God!

[ Sighs ]

Really sorry about that.

-Oh.

You know,

that's not the way

that I wanted to, you know,

tell you --

I-Is everything okay?

-No, it's my ex-wife.

-Oh, right.

I have a daughter,

Caitlin. Mm.

Here, I got a picture

of her on here.

It's a while ago.

They grow up really fast.

Yeah, she's beautiful.

Yeah.

It was the only good thing

to come out of the marriage.

Right.

Just, divorce sucks.

-Yeah.

-It's the worst.

No.

I get it, you know?

[ Sighs ]

You know you make me feel

like the kind of man

I want to be?

You do.

I mean that.

Yeah.

I probably shouldn't even

say this so directly,

but, you know, I really think

I'm falling for you.

-Wow.

-I know, I know -- hey.

That's quick.

-No --

I know, I know.

-Yeah, yeah.

It's very -- it's very soon,

you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But you don't have

to say anything.

-Okay, I won't. No, I won't.

-Don't say anything.

-You just let that marinate.

-Okay.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

You want to join me

in the shower?

-No, I'm okay, actually.

-You sure?

I think I'm just gonna,

like, chill here

and look at my phone.

-Okay.

-Yep.

Oh, hey. You know, I was

thinking, TW Brownway --

they cut rebate checks

for taxes,

so it's possible that could

be a coincidence,

but I think we should check it

out anyway.

Yeah, sure.

You sure

you don't want to join?

I got

a real nice body wash.

Smells like grapes.

♪♪

[ Keys clatter ]

-Hey.

-Hey.

Uh, neighbor came over earlier,

gave us a taser.

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, you think it'd be good

for us to have this, right?

You know,

so I can protect us.

Yeah.

Um, so I ordered

some Brooklyn Soul.

I wasn't sure

if you're hungry.

Oh.

If you want any,

it should be here soon.

That was nice of you.

Uh, yeah, I just kind of

want to take a shower

and get into my PJs,

you know?

-Okay, yeah.

-Mm-hmm.

Hey, Dory, I got

to tell you something.

Um, okay, so,

you know the neighbor

came over with the taser.

Um, and I didn't

invite her over

or anything like that.

She just came and was,

like, hanging out,

and then one thing

led to another

and she put on some music,

and, uh, she started

dancing.

You know,

like sexy dancing.

Okay.

And that was it.

I mean, she put on the music,

and then started, like,

moving around the living room

with her hips

and stuff like that,

and she, you know,

came close to me,

but then when I started to

realize what had happened,

I stopped the music

and I kicked her out.

And that's it.

There was no kissing

or anything --

anything like that.

It was just that --

dancing and then she's out.

[ Crying ]

Oh, my God.

Dory, are you upset?

No.

Hey, hey, look.

I'm so sorry.

Nothing happened.

I promise.

No, I know.

It's okay.

I am so sorry.

I swear, I would never do

anything to hurt you.

I'm so sorry.

I messed up.

I'm just tired.

I'm just really tired.

Are you sure?

I promise you.

You can tell me

if you're mad at me.

It's okay.

I understand.

Baby, I'm sorry.

-I'm just tired.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

So what's next for the great

Elliott Goss?

[ Sighs ] You know, I just want

to be good to myself.

You know, maybe drink

a little too much tonight,

find a heated pool,

invite a friend.

You want me

to be your friend?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Well, one last question.

Mm.

Um, you said in your sophomore

year of high school,

you developed cancer,

right?

Mm-hmm.

It was like --

it was like 15?

-15, yeah.

-Oh, my gosh.

I am still trying to wrap

my head around the fact

that you were bedridden

with stage-four lymphoma

while playing the physically

challenging lead role

of Mack the Knife.

Okay, so --

so I was 16.

You were 16.

You were 16.

-16.

-Oh, my gosh.

-Always switch those two.

-Totally understand.

Well, I'm just going

to write that down

and check in with your

family, your friends,

and your doctors

just to make sure

that everything

is squared away.

You know, like the truth.

Hmm.

[ Chuckles ]

'Cause I feel

that our readers

are gonna want to know

who you really are.

I have to go

to the bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's right over there.

Yeah, I'm gonna pop out,

but you hang out.

-Thanks.

-And I'll be right back.

-Do you want another one?

-Yes.

I would love one.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

[ Breathing heavily ]

♪♪