Original subtitles

(doorbell dings)

(bright instrumental music) (whistle blows)

(car engine puttering)

- Can I go to the Queen's Theatre please?

(faint voice talking)

(woman grunts)

Hi.

I'm off to see Les Mis again.

It's 977 visits today.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

(laughs)

Had to miss two visits to the show

a couple of weeks ago as I've not been well,

so a bit behind schedule but hopefully we'll be able

to catch it up and get in before too long

to the thousandth visit.

Okie dokie. - Sorry,

how many times did you say?

- 977 today (laughs).

- It's quite an obsession to have.

(bright instrumental music)

There she is up there.

- She's there.

(graceful instrumental music)

(woman laughing)

- All of us who loved theatre feel very safe

in a red velvet seat with the curtain about to go up.

There's a special kind of, oh, goody that goes through you.

(lively jazz music)

- 500 in the third row here.

550? ♪ Only in New York ♪

♪ Can you find Broadway ♪

- How many shows have I seen multiple times?

I can't count that number.

I'm gonna say it's at least three.

♪ Shinin' so bright tonight ♪

- "Hair" was the most, I saw it 95 times.

- I saw "Miss Saigon" 13 times.

- I saw "Rent" five time.

- I saw "9 to 5: The Musical" 10 times,

and I saw "Leap of Faith" 10 times

and both of those were shows

that I just fell in love with in such a way that I was like

I need to go see it again and again and again.

- "Book of Mormon" I've seen seven times.

- "Phantom" I saw 11 times.

- "Les Mis" my favourite show.

I've seen it four or five times.

"Phantom of the Opera,"

"Pippin," "In The Heights," "Memphis," "Sutton Foster,"

"Hunter Foster," "Nathan Lane," "La Cage."

- "Wicked" I've seen like 30 times.

- "Priscilla Queen the Desert" I saw 20 times.

- "Priscilla."

This is Priscilla.

(barks)

I love "Priscilla" because of the message

of belonging of making a family out of the people

that you're around.

I saw it 180 something times.

- I have heard rumours about people

that have seen the same show,

like every single performance.

You hear it, and it sounds crazy,

but I think there's always a story,

something is going on with someone about why

they have to see that show so many times.

♪ Only in New York ♪

- I will try in my very best English,

but I know I'm not very good.

My name is Gudrun Mangel, I'm 40 years old

and I'm housewife.

Until now, I have seen "Starlight Express" 41 times.

That's not much.

Over the last 20 years that's not much I think.

It was my dream to get to the theatre back again

on roller skate as the real Pearl.

(singing in foreign language)

And this was the big dream that failed.

But I found out other things on my way.

(gentle music)

In my lonely times at home,

much time to think about me, about my life

and about "Starlight Express" and what "Starlight Express"

is of the whole meaning of life.

What is my role in the "Starlight Express"

when I never can get on that stage as an actor?

Now what should I do?

Should I die?

Should I kill myself?

Because I'm not not the one who is on the stage?

First I watch the play more and more and once again,

but then I thought what have I done?

Only watching the play and being nothing.

(dramatic music)

(bell ringing)

(woman speaking in foreign language)

- 10,

nine.

(speaking in foreign language)

Go!

(upbeat rock music) (audience cheering)

(singing in foreign language)

♪ Star ♪

♪ Light ♪

(audience cheering)

(audience applauding)

- When I first saw "Starlight Express" I was 17 years old.

When it was over, I didn't want to go home.

You return in your old world.

(engaging techno music)

You need something to love.

You don't have to build your castles too high

in your fantasy.

And you have to build new dreams

or dream of little bit smaller things.

I started to learn again rollerskating,

build a costume.

I built all this.

My family thought I am completely stupid

and completely silly to spend money

for all these costumes and wigs.

It was very awful.

I must hide tears really.

My parents said, forget "Starlight Express".

All these costumes won't take you there at anytime.

(engaging techno music)

My first open day it was 1990,

over 20 years (laughs).

I phoned the "Starlight Express" press office

and asked if it is possible that I come dressed up

in a costume, and the lady at the phone said,

"Sure, you are not the only one."

Nothing stopped me then.

(audience applauds)

Every year I come here I wear a different costume.

It's Pearl today.

I thought I could be a part of "Starlight Express"

if I dress like Pearl and show every year

here on the open day that I'm a double

and I love "Starlight Express".

Most of the people know that I'm not the real Pearl.

(engaging techno music)

There begins the history of the open day

at "Starlight Express".

(bright music)

- I've been a fan of "Cats" for 30 years

since it first opened on Broadway in 1982.

My name is Christine Bogle

and I have the world's largest

collection of "Cats" memorabilia.

(powerful orchestral music)

I didn't know what "Cats" was but I heard the song "Memory".

I just fell in love with the song

and I got cold chills when I first heard it.

My dad took me to see "Cats" when I was 16 years old

on my 16th birthday.

I walked into the theatre and I was completely surrounded

by all of the junk.

The audience get to sit in this giant junk yard

all around you.

It's like a completely different world,

where I was just like completely like glassy-eyed

and I was like (gasps), "This is so awesome!"

(bubbly music) (door rattling)

These are my costumes.

This is the character of Skimbleshanks.

I just have collected a lot of stuff.

We have a lot, me and my husband both

are kind of pack rats.

I wouldn't exactly call us hoarders

because, I mean, hoarders just collect everything

from, you know, soda cans and food and they just buy stuff

and just bring it into the house.

I mean, we have it kind of all semi-organized.

It's expensive to be a fan, it really is.

I probably spent over $15,000

and, oh, probably even more 20,000

just going to see the shows

and collecting for the shows.

I've spent quite a, quite a large chunk of cash.

It's Mistoffelees jacket alone

probably costs about $20,000 to make.

20 to $25,000 to make it with all the electrical wiring

and everything in it, so it's the most

expensive piece that I own.

I'll put him on for you.

Like, ooh, there he is.

There he is ooh (laughs).

They're very uncomfortable, little tongue, little.

They're definitely a little, little hard to see

out of and stuff but they're cute.

They're so adorable and so cute.

The Pekes and they bark.

Bark, bark, bark.

So cute, they're so really cute.

This is my craft room, work room.

(bubbly music)

I feel kind of obsessed.

We're overflowing with stuff.

I know I have a lot of stuff, I have way, way too much.

(bubbly music)

I used to I used to bring this and I used to bring

my autograph book to the show with this.

This is the streamers that get thrown.

I just have tonnes, I have an entire streamer ball

that came flying out and I got grabbed the whole,

the whole entire thing and there's a giant roll

of it and I got that.

These are the lights for the Winter Garden Theatre.

Like puzzles from Japan, Victoria on a journal,

fans from Japan.

I'm like hot (laughs).

The actual packaging has the logo on it.

Wallets, playing cards (chuckles).

I had a heart attack when I saw these.

I was like, oh my God, these are amazing.

They made sculptures.

Oh yeah, okay.

This is like the kids snazaroo makeup,

like Cat's face painting kit.

I try and get as much as I can I guess.

I thought it'd be just so great to own parts of the show

and to have these wonderful things.

Just got out of control kind of (laughs).

I think there's a certain quality of person

that follows things.

I'm not sure it's like I'm trying to explore

a different aspect of myself.

It's just a mystery, just a mystery.

(graceful orchestral music)

- The people go back to see shows over and over again.

That's the repeat attenders,

are really an amazing group of people.

They're dedicated.

They are fans with the capital F.

They will do just about anything to come back

and see that show.

(graceful orchestral music)

- It's like an obsessive-compulsive.

I've certainly had like my first repeat show experience,

I felt completely out of control of myself

and I did not feel like I was choosing to go see

the show at night.

I felt like I had to see the show at night

or I didn't know what I was gonna do with myself.

- Some people don't understand going back to see a show

more than once, but it's live theatre.

It's not a movie where everything is on film

and nothing changes and it's the same thing

over and over again.

- I'm one of the originals in Urinetown,

and we had a woman who saw the show, geez.

Well I did a thousand performances.

She might have been to 150 of them.

I mean, obviously we're delighted that they come back.

Because if they come back,

because it gives them pleasure.

Hello, hello?

Why do we do it?

- 10:30.

- We're not selling a show or a ticket;

we're selling an experience.

And with super fans, the getting of the ticket

becomes part of their experience.

- When there's a really hot show,

you'll see people sleeping bags night after night

waiting into the box office to open.

- The longest that I've ever waited for a ticket

I was coming up to my 100th show,

and the line was long.

It was about a 12-hour plus wait.

I thought it would be cool to wait a hundred hours

for my 100th show.

So I waited for four days straight,

took vacation days from work to do it.

I was working in investment banking for a Swiss bank

at the time when "Rent" first came out.

After about two days I started to get a little bit ripe

and the guy who cleans up the theatre

hosed me down as well,

which was very kind of him.

In addition to investing $20 for a ticket,

I invested a significant amount of money

in making myself comfortable.

There were there were a couple of occasions

when we were sleeping out and and I had this fabulous bed

that I made a great expense and effort and energy.

And there would be fairly attractive young ladies

in the line as well.

And so on a volunteer basis some of them wanted

to come to my pocket, and there would be like

three or four or five or six of us

inside of this pocket.

And I'm a couple of occasions,

I became intimate with some of these young ladies

who were fans of the show and we became friends

and just seemed natural.

Another way to keep warm,

and I don't want to imply that a lot of things went on,

but bodies in a warm pocket and things happen.

- My initial thought is not necessarily

how could you have seen that show that many times,

it's how could you spend how much money?

(upbeat music)

- On April 21st, 1996 I went to the Nederlander Theatre

which is behind us right now and I tried to get a ticket,

but it was very popular and it was sold out,

and I couldn't get in.

The show was playing in the background

and I could hear the music and this sounded really,

the music sounded very compelling to me.

It almost sounded religious, like when you're in church

and you hear people wailing.

There's parts of "Rent" that are like that.

I guess I just happened to be there at the right time.

And now I was hooked I said, listen,

like I gotta get the tickets.

And I've seen the show 1,169 times.

Most of those were via $20 rush tickets.

So if you do have the math on that,

correct me if I'm wrong but the back of my head,

that works out to about half a year of my life, I think.

If you multiply that number

seeing it's almost 1,200 times

times two hours and 40 minutes,

it's as if I had spent six months

inside the theatre straight.

Yeah, I know, it's kind of incredible.

And I spent about 35,000, $40,000

over an eight-year period approximately.

(dramatic music)

- Today's my 977th time seeing the show.

First saw the show 25 years ago.

(dramatic music)

I've probably spent about 50,000 pounds

that's on taxis, train tickets, theatre tickets,

and hotel if I stay over at any time.

(dramatic music)

People say "oh why'd you see the same thing

over and over again, it's the same thing week after week?"

But it's not, because you always get a different

audience reaction as I said you get different people

playing different roles or

people'll clap or laugh in different places.

So it's always different.

(audience cheers)

I must admit a lot of people are in tears

by the end of the show, but I'm probably the only person

who's ever seen "Les Mis" and has never cried at it.

(laughs)

A lot of people are quite cynical about repeat attenders

because they either not seen the show

or they don't really understand what the addiction is.

(soft music)

- We are the most successful musical in the world

and we know that our fans are a big part of our success.

It is a hobby and it's a way of life too.

They are creating the costumes.

They have cupboards full of "Starlight Express" costumes

and it's a big point in their life.

They live it.

- Nobody can tell me not to be a fan and not to meet friends

and not to make costumes.

Somebody has a birthday, a great birthday party,

and it's a great "Starlight Express" fan.

And his biggest wish is the appearance of Rusty and Pearl

on his birthday.

So he can phone the theatre, "Can Rusty and Paul

"come to my 14th birthday?"

No, they won't come.

They won't come.

But if you ask me, I will come.

(singing in foreign language)

Nothing can can top the feeling when you go out

with this costume and go out of your being nothing

and now be seen.

(bubbly music)

To meet the real Pearl, there are no words for it.

I feel ashamed.

I see the very beautiful costume.

She's much younger.

She's a star, she has a great body.

Oh, that's nice.

I feel so fat (laughs).

No, I'm ashamed.

I'm not worth it.

I don't know what to say anymore.

I never went to an audition to "Starlight Express".

I never dared, but I'm a good actor and a good singer,

but it is not enough.

I was too big, too fat to (laughs).

I had no no good physical ability to do it.

I was 17 when I saw "Starlight Express" in 1988,

first time, and it was my wish to be a star

at "Starlight Express" but my parents did not want that.

Sweet!

I am something like Kris Kringle.

The Santa Claus.

Santa Claus in a shopping mall.

What is Christmas when the Santa Claus stays at home?

He has to come to the children.

I always felt like an angel.

For some people you are like an angel.

One thing happened I will never forget.

I came out of the theatre and a child looked at me and said,

"Can I take a photo?

"Can I take a photo?

And I used to say, "I'm not the real Pearl.

"I'm a fan."

And they said, "It doesn't matter.

"You are beautiful.

"You are beautiful."

A little girl in a wheelchair, blind,

mother came to me and said Pearl is giving autographs

and my little girl can't get to her,

because she's in the wheelchair and she can't see,

but she heard Pearl thing in the show.

Would you please come that she can touch your costume,

that she can imagine how Pearl looks like.

"You sang so beautiful in the show,

"would you sing for me?"

And tears were running down my cheek, and I started.

(singing in foreign language)

She didn't care about my 90 kilos, my self-made costume.

She heard the voice and said, "Oh, yes, you are,

"you are Pearl."

There are little children seeing Pearl,

and they see the wig and my face

and my appearance and that's enough.

And when that open day was over,

I did not want to leave the costume.

I don't want to just dress up.

I don't want to dress off.

Beautiful, I didn't want to go home.

I can't tell you what I want.

I want to shoot myself after this feeling.

It was something that I never heard from my own family.

You are beautiful.

You can do something.

Your costume is pretty.

You have a pretty face.

That was not the talking of my family.

My family always told me that I am ugly and fat

and can't do anything.

I'm not worthy to do anything.

"You will never get a job."

And and I dress up and go there and the first child

who sees me says, "You are beautiful."

That was a feeling I can't explain in words.

(soft music)

- There's so much stuff.

I have so much stuff not even I like seen it

in a long time.

Plates of Grizabella.

The story of Grizabella,

it just struck a chord with everybody.

Grizabella is the star of the show.

She sings the song "Memory".

Everybody knows "Memory."

♪ Memory ♪

♪ All alone in the moonlight ♪

♪ I can smile at the old days ♪

♪ I was beautiful then ♪

- She just sings a song about her days

of when she was a glamorous young cat,

but now she's older and she was kicked out of the Jellicle.

She left the Jellicle Tribe of Cats

and she wanted to go out and see the world.

And the world didn't treat her very well.

♪ Let the mem'ry ♪

♪ Live ♪

♪ Again ♪

- I just connect with her story of how she was an outcast.

She was never really accepted in the world.

I just feel for her plight.

You lose yourself in the other world

for like two and a half hours and just,

you can go and forget all your troubles for two hours.

That's just great to be in another world for a while

and then just forget about life,

kind of the way life is.

Life can be hard, life can be cruel.

And it's just great to be a part of something

that is so magical and great.

I just I just feel like myself when I go to see the shows.

I feel like my best true self when I go to see the shows.

Like I can relate to what's happening on stage

and also the dreams that I never became an actress.

I never was able to do that and I have such great respect

for the actors that are able to do that,

and be able to have that part of their life,

and to be able to share in that.

It's just really, really amazing.

It's really amazing.

Okay.

I have to take a break.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah, I have to take a little break right now.

Okay.

- I think unfortunately the theatre community

is the same as any community in that we spend

a lot of our lives feeling like other

and then when we get all get together,

we need to make someone else feel like other.

But people feel that need to be the big dog

when they've been the little dog for so long.

- I've had such a history with the show,

and some people decided to write a bunch of hateful

posts about that on the Internet.

People called me a crazy collector.

And I don't have any reason to have anyone attack me.

I didn't do anything to cause it.

It was a strange bizarre behaviour.

They're jealous of the fact that I had

so much history with the show.

So I'm still ostracised to this day on Internet community.

And I'm above it.

It's above me.

It doesn't reach me at all.

♪ Touch me ♪

♪ It's so easy to leave me ♪

♪ All alone with a memory ♪

- I don't make fun of you for the things that you love,

why do you make fun of me for the things that I love?

Why do we make fun of each other?

Humanity, hmm.

- Oh no, you make fun of me for loving baseball.

- Yeah, sorry.

(woman laughs)

Mostly just cause I don't understand it,

and maybe that at the end of the day

is like that is, God, we hate things

we don't understand.

We don't understand cultures, religions

and then we hate them.

I don't understand baseball,

and so I'm like, what?

No baseball (babbles).

(woman laughs)

- You're wonderful. - Thank you.

- I like your paint. - You saw my paint?

- Yeah, I pay attention to all those little things.

- I totally understand the "Wicked" devotees.

In the case of Wicked, it's a story about an outsider,

a green girl and I've put it to you that most of us

feel a little green.

(lively orchestral music)

♪ The Wizard will see you now ♪

♪ Day ♪

- There was a girl.

We had a letter from a Muslim girl who after 9/11

had barely been out of her house.

Her girlfriends made her go to "Wicked".

And she wrote a letter to the producers

saying this is the first time I have felt safe

in two years.

I feel welcome in your theatre, because you understand.

I mean that's how strong that message was,

the ultimate outsider story.

Green is a perfect metaphor.

It's not real like fat or bald or any other thing

that you regard as a liability

to your social popularity.

It's green so you can learn the lessons without the pain

of seeing your own story up there on stage.

It's distant enough to be theatre

and close enough to be profound.

(tense music)

- When you're having to do a show the second year

in the run and you can't quite find the energy,

you think, "My God, this person has come

"a thousandth time or a 400th time.

"I have got to do my best for this person."

- I've been part of Disney's "The Lion King"

for, it's gonna be 13 years and two months.

Oh my god!

Firstly, it was London, Taiwan, Sydney, Australia,

Melbourne, US tour, South Africa, Las Vegas.

Did I say Taiwan before?

And then Broadway, back to Australia.

It's a full circle of life.

(laughs)

♪ Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba ♪

♪ Sithi ♪

- How many performances have I done to date?

Are you serious?

I don't know!

It's been...

I don't know.

It's...

I don't know!

♪ It's the circle of life ♪

- Almost 13 years.

You would take a few holidays.

And I'm not good with math.

And it's thousands, just thousands.

My family are all in South Africa

and I've been away from there for a long time.

Everyone that's close to me is in the theatre.

(women giggling)

Most of us are homesick at one time or another,

so we are like a real theatre family.

(woman laughs)

- I think the repeat attenders are drawn

to the sense of belonging to something,

and it's a realm that's outside

of your normal everyday life.

The story of "The Lion King"

is directly related to a family.

This idea of a pride.

I've spent the last four years

out of my hometown of Darwin.

I always pined for home, my tribe back there,

so it's something I'm intimately familiar with.

The theatre is a very powerful platform.

I hope on some small scale that an indigenous kid

that comes to see "The Lion King"

and sees me as the King Mufasa

will kind of widen his or her idea

of what they're capable of.

I've always grown up in a place that's multicultural.

- Let's do this. - Let's get it done.

What I found amazing about "The Lion King"

so many cultures telling the one story

and so many parallels between them.

I found that experience to be unifying.

- Hey, Dereck. - Hi there.

- Theatre is for everyone.

And as the lights go down in the theatre,

it doesn't matter who you are in that mix,

everyone becomes this one unified force.

It's magic.

- You always have the chance to choose your family

and choose the place where you are at feel at home.

And that was the feeling when I first saw "Starlight".

I did not want to leave the theatre.

My soul belong to this blue light and into this music.

- The power of theatre is unlike the power

of anything else because it utilises

a different part of the brain.

- People go back to the theatre repeatedly

because it really gives them an opportunity

to step out of their own reality.

Imagination is actually very important

because that's the language of the subconscious mind.

When going to see a show, initially,

the conscious part of the mind knows there's actors,

you know they're playing a role, there're certain lights.

And those are the facts.

The conscious part cares about that,

but that's not the strongest part of the mind.

The subconscious is willing to completely forget

all of that and engage with the emotional experience.

Their subconscious mind doesn't care that it's a show.

It's reacting to that as if that is a real thing.

That is the really powerful part of that subconscious mind.

People might go to shows repeatedly

because it stimulates their imagination.

So it starts to make them think about

this might be where things are out right now in my life,

but where could they go?

Because I've had an experience of something else

that's like awoken something in me

and I want to feel that again.

- What they manage to do is lose track of time

several times a week.

They go into a theatre and for two-and-a-half hours,

they're somewhere else; they have escaped.

Well, when you lose track of time,

time loses track of you and I think that is added on

at the end of your life.

And I'm not sure these fans don't have

a very long lifespan.

(gentle music)

(child giggling)

(man groaning) (child laughing)

- My daughter Mignon was four years old

and I promised her to take her with me

to "Starlight Express" and it was wonderful.

When the show started, she made so, so,

and with her legs up and down

she said there, "Wow, wow!"

She painted Rusty and I said,

"Dear, what are you doing?"

And she said, "It was so beautiful,

"I don't want to forget his face."

So she painted him and then she fall asleep, fell asleep.

(laughs)

Maybe she dreamed that night.

I got married on August the 1st

and I phoned at "Starlight Express" when the open day is.

I won't marry when I know on that day is open day.

I won't go to my wedding.

It was true!

Really (laughs)!

But the first open day I missed was when my child was born

because that was not planned.

And when there was open day I was in the hospital.

(speaking in foreign language)

The second time I missed the open day

when my best friend Vera died.

She was a really big "Starlight Express" fan.

And when she died I need a little rest of that.

I need a little rest.

And in the year 2010, last year I missed it

because both of my parents died.

My father died, and I needed a little bit rest.

(gentle music)

When I first went with my daughter Mignon

to that open day, my mother wanted to follow me,

because she thought that my daughter is too small

for that big festival.

She was not convinced of "Starlight Express"

and not convinced of our hobby.

A four-year-old child is normally is shy

and there is my little Mignon four years old

dressed up as Dinah on the open stage.

She won the contest with singing.

It was no singing, it was screaming.

(laughs)

But it was so nice.

Her wish was born to be a singer,

one day to be a star at "Starlight Express".

(gentle music)

My daughter.

Sweet!

Really, really sweet.

When she's grown up she wants to be a singer.

She wants to be a musical star.

She is pretty.

She's not fat yet.

(Mignon laughs)

(speaks in foreign language)

- It's very nice of her.

(speaks in foreign language)

- My own child, and I'll do everything for you.

(speaks in foreign language)

- Thank you.

(speaks in foreign language)

(laughs)

Yes, I love you too.

- In German please.

(speaks in foreign language) - Aww.

(speaks in foreign language)

- I hope you get the famous star

and let me live in your house.

(laughs)

- I'll try it.

- She is very talented.

She shares a beautiful singing and speaking voice.

I try to help her, not like it was when I was was a child.

- What if she feels like

she can't say, "Mom, I don't wanna do this anymore,"

because she'll upset you or let you down

or disappoint you?

- I really would don't know what to say to this.

I never thought about it.

I never thought about it that she would not like it.

She gives not the impression.

But when she came from the stage after she won this contest

she gave autographs and everything,

and with no word she said I want to go home.

I want to dress off.

I want to get rid of those roller skates.

She wanted more.

She always wanted more.

I don't know what to say now.

No, I don't know what to say

because she never gave that impression.

(clock ticking)

I never forced her.

I won't do anything that is not her decision,

but she loved it from the first day on she loved it.

And I love it, why shouldn't she love it too?

My husband doesn't love it.

My husband don't like "Starlight Express"

and I won't dress him up as Pearl.

No, I won't.

- There's just something about "Cats" that just kinda

people wanna dress up as the characters

and they want to experience the show that way.

My husband was introduced to "Cats" by me,

and we were dating at the time.

And I just told him, "I'm just a really big fan

"of this music called called 'Cats'

"and I hope you don't think I'm crazy

"but I'm kind of sports fan obsession with it."

And he was like, "Hmm, okay, this is crazy."

Until he actually saw the show

and then he can kind of understand why I was into it

and why I liked it so much.

He supports me and he will help me collect items

and he helped me do photoshoots.

If I wanna dress up as a character,

he's like my photographer and he'll take photos of me in

kinda like the glamour shots kind of thing.

(bubbly music)

I can see why everybody goes to comic-con

dressed up, 'cause everybody loves becoming someone else.

(graceful music) (camera clicking)

It's like being a kid again and being able to

just express yourself.

My friends seem to like it.

My family thinks I'm a little bit off,

but I think I'm a little, but that's what families,

families are always like that.

They're just, sometimes people just don't understand you

and you just kinda have to deal with that.

I kind of draw the line with going to the show

dressed as a character.

I don't really think that that is appropriate.

I don't do that.

I normally don't do it.

I've done it like a couple of times,

but I felt very uncomfortable and I felt very out of place

and I just think it's too distracting.

There's a place for it outside of the show.

(graceful music) (giggles)

I feel, I'm hot.

The costume's really hot.

I'm gonna do the touch push.

Touch push.

(graceful music)

You can become someone completely totally different

and totally different creature or different being.

Her number is very fast and very energetic.

(lively music)

Does the whole tap dance routine,

and she's very sparkly and shimmies

and all those other steps.

(lively music)

And then of course, thank you, my dears.

(laughs)

Thank you, my dears.

- Thank you, my dears!

You know, I haven't been on stage

so I'm just doing photo shoots and things like that.

Looks like it's stuck.

It's a lot of fun.

Just sort of become someone else for a while.

Now here is the worst part.

I feel like me again, so it's the real me here.

This is what I wake up in the morning, okay,

before my face is completely on and stuff

so it's kinda funny actually.

I feel like I've come back to myself and come,

(gentle music)

come back to being plain old Christine again.

Playing dress up is over.

Go back to my real life.

- The unique thing about theatre is that the actors

that you see performing are accessible.

(fast piano music) (siren wailing)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd whistling)

- Don't make me come over here again.

Put your hands down, man.

(fast piano music)

- Can I just tell you something?

I have no idea who you are,

but my child is obsessed with you.

(laughs)

- Well then maybe you should learn about me--

- I did, I have to. - And you'll be

better known as mother.

- I know.

- There is that sense of rush

of having met a celebrity someone who is famous

or different or special in some way

and that can imbue you with that same sense of specialness

by being near them and talking to them.

- Fans bring all sorts of things to the stage door.

They bake.

If you know someone who loves a certain food,

they'll bring them that food.

Cases and cartons of it.

They'll send gifts.

I wouldn't eat something that's a stranger

made for me.

- It's an attention tactic.

I've done it, and when I did it,

it was 100% trying to get attention from that person.

Thinking going to the stage targeting that autograph

every night wasn't enough at a certain point.

And certainly when it was happening to me,

I don't think I was fully consciously aware

of how much it was a call for attention,

but I sort of was like,

"Uh, I should get this thing, it's perfect for them.

"I'm gonna do it."

And I think depending on what it is and totally depending

on the person, some of them might really appreciate it

and think it's really sweet and really nice,

and other people might chuck it and think

that's fucking creepy.

(both chuckle)

- The differences between a super fan and a stalker

is really the boundaries that they observe.

A super fan might be someone who repeatedly goes to speak

to the actor, watches the show;

a stalker would take that one step further.

They might actually try and find where they live.

They might send inappropriate messages or even threats.

They might make that actor feel unsafe

or really uncomfortable in some way.

- People who come to the stage door early

to see people on their way in

or go to the side door is just,

it's overstepping your boundaries

and it's encroaching on their lives in a way

that is disrespectful to them and their time really.

Stalkers.

- Ugh.

- This is where I come before and after the show.

I've always gone to the stage door after every show

that I've seen.

It's just something I've always done since I was little.

- How are you? - Yeah, fine, back to you.

- You enjoyed today?

- Yeah, missed you last week when I was up here.

- Oh yeah, of course. - On holiday also.

- I was in much needed holiday.

It was good though. - Very nice.

Recharge the batteries. - Yeah, exactly.

- Cheers!

Over the years that I've been seeing the show

the majority that cast were absolutely lovely.

- Hey. - Hey.

How are you? - How are you?

- It's always nice to see them when we come out

the stage door.

It's really nice to have the support.

There are some fans that can be

a little overbearing as I've seen.

Heard of two fans who showed up

to somebody's door once,

knocked in the morning and asked to come in for coffee

and she said, "I don't even know you."

So, but they felt like perhaps they knew her

because they see her in the show all the time.

But, yeah, but for me personally

I haven't had any bad experiences yet (chuckles).

- Most of the performers I think are really happy

to see me back.

- Do you want me to sign in your arms.

- Yes. - Okay.

- You're not gonna hurt me.

- Sometimes they stand at the stage door

and somebody goes, "Oh, you're back."

What does that say to a fan?

It's like, "Oh my gosh, you noticed me

"and you know that I've been back."

Now, could it take a strange foray into stalking?

- The day of this interview is 17 years

since I was released from jail.

This is my first interview.

This is the first time I've had the opportunity

to speak to somebody about this.

And I'm glad to get this off my chest.

And I was getting in a lot of trouble for various things

in my first college.

A sexual harassment, unwanted hugging,

all that kind of stuff.

I really had to find something in my life

or I was probably going to end up in prison.

(upbeat music)

♪ Oh ♪

- Well, when I first heard "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson

I heard a message I wasn't getting in my real life.

I was hearing something very positive.

♪ The pressure's everywhere ♪

- What you say is important.

What you feel is important.

You do have something positive there.

♪ The fever's in the air ♪

♪ Oh yeah it's there ♪

- I believe she gave me a message that prevented me

from being everything that I could have been.

I could've been a serial rapist.

♪ Electric youth ♪

♪ The power you see the energy ♪

- And if not for her,

if not for that "Electric Youth" ideology,

not for that message,

I don't wanna know what I would have become later in 1989.

♪ Electric youth ♪

♪ It's true you can't fight it ♪

- I could get in a lot of trouble if I decided

to play into just the celebrity Debbie Gibson.

♪ Electric ♪

- I had said many things on the Internet

that made a lot of people believe I was threatening her

even though I tried to say as best I could

that I wasn't, because that's true for me.

That's my reality.

Don't deny me my reality,

because the moment you do that,

you can make whatever assumptions you want about me

at that point.

- Did Debbie Gibson save you?

- Yes.

Yes.

Debbie Gibson saved me,

at least two times maybe upwards of five.

No lie.

That woman saved me from being everything

that I was thought to do to her

to dozens of people in my real life,

dozens of women in my real life.

And, again, these are women that I liked,

who I felt like me and so on and so forth.

I'm not a good hit leader

so that would often be a problem in my real life.

But at the end of the day if I don't have Deborah,

that message, et cetera, I'm a monster.

I'm every bit the monster people thought I would be,

both in my real life and in this constructed

celebrity stuff, musical theatre and otherwise.

- Debbie, one second.

Debbie, this way.

- I understood that she was going to get sexy,

she was going to get more adult.

She's always had a nice body and she has never shied

showing off those legs.

And I have a killer leg fetish

that's gonna come into play big.

Trust me.

Because my mouth is quite dry.

Well, it's not only hard work but again

it's lot of stuff.

And we haven't even scratched the surface yet.

And it's still someone I care about deeply.

I don't know the number of emails I sent.

It was dozens if not a couple hundred.

The Gibsons were getting bombarded with the emails

from the fans saying, "He's going to kill her.

"He's going to hurt her."

I needed guidance from the woman involved,

regarding am I a stalker, am I not a stalker.

I felt compelled to do something.

In 1998, I went to the stage door of "Beauty and the Beast"

to see Deborah to settle the issue.

You wanna talk about repeated attending.

As far as "Beauty and the Beast" goes,

opening night, once or twice in October,

at least four, because I didn't kind of cheat

a couple of times as far as the stage door goes.

I kind of timed out the show and showed up at the end

of the show and all that kind of crap.

So there was one time I dropped by to wish Deborah well

as she was going to Japan.

So she's out.

There's about 20 kids.

All of a sudden her mom comes out tackles her,

throws are in the car.

And this thing (mumbles), oh shit, is that because of me?

(tense music)

I was in my normal position kind of laying in the back.

There was no barricade.

There was nothing there.

If I or anyone else had wanted to try to do something,

she could be completely encircled.

She'd be trapped.

There'd be no way to get her out of it.

She was nowhere nearby.

She was gone.

She might well have been in a safe house

for all anybody knew.

Everything was going a million miles an hour at that point.

I was in a complete panic.

20 minutes goes by.

30 minutes goes by.

45 minutes goes by.

And then finally two officers come up, put me,

say, "Mr. Falkner, please go against the wall"

and that's the end of ballgame.

I was taken to the precinct that covers the Palace Theatre.

I was booked.

I was originally charged with two counts,

a count of harassment and a count of menacing.

At that point I am taking and poured on the bus

to Rikers Island.

I was in jail for eight and a half or nine months.

I learned a lot in Rikers Island.

Rikers Island was the best social experience I ever had

in my life before since.

The more time that goes by,

the more I begin to believe that the biggest mistake

they made was not shooting me outright

and blowing my brains all over the wall

of the Palace Theatre.

I'd actually wanted to do something to Debra violently.

It would have been done.

Nothing but a bullet to the head were to stop me.

I'm one of that kind of committed of a person.

If I want to do that, it will get done.

(gentle music)

What would I have done differently?

That's what I would have done differently.

I'm sorry, I mean, I'm sorry because I hurt a woman

that was worth more to me than my own life.

If people don't wanna accept that,

that's your damn right.

But that woman gave me so much,

Deborah Gibson gave me so much, she gave me a lease on life

I was not entitled to.

I turned out not to be entitled to.

And I threw that away.

I loved him, I still loved her,

and that's why I need to be kept away from her

unless she chooses different.

(tense music)

- Our early childhood experiences can often have

a big impact on who we become in the future.

If we experience rejection from our parents,

if our parents aren't there for us

or if they're abusive in some way,

then that leaves lasting damage.

That's something that we then have to live

with all our lives.

And we find different ways of dealing with that.

For some people it might be taking drugs and alcohol

to numb the pain.

For other people it might be about engaging

in a fantasy world where they can feel better,

where they can dream that the life that they would love to

have had is the life that they're having.

- I went to different musical school auditions,

and I thought I would study musical.

It was the Folkwang Hochschule in Essen.

They made me strong in my dream different from that

what I expected.

They wanted to have me.

My parents always say, "You are too small.

"You have a voice like a pig.

"You don't look pretty.

"You are thick and fat.

"They don't need you."

But I thought like Rusty, I can do it.

I can manage that, I will try.

I can't win if I can't try.

And I went there.

The teacher said, "Go to the office and sign the contract."

And my father, sorry, did not allow it.

Sorry that I start crying.

He did not allow it.

He did not allow it.

(sombre music)

That was my broken dream.

I tried to find a new way

and I found an an acting course in my area here,

but it was acting; it was not musical.

And it was not that what I thought of my life but,

but I learned much, I learned much about me.

I learned much about me and my body.

And I learned to accept my role in my life.

And I learned that I won't get very far with that father.

We went home, and on the way back in the car he told me,

"Now you know, they told you you are nothing,

"you can't do it.

"They don't need you.

"Now you know you won't be an an actress.

"Accept it."

I didn't want to lose this fight completely.

And this was the moment when I started to work

against my daddy.

And so I started making these costumes to show my father

every day what he tried to destroy in me.

(sombre music)

- If you think of theatre is medicine,

this is medicine that actually cures what ails you.

That feeling of alienation,

it shows that you're not alone.

- I think theatre can change how you feel a lot.

It can make you, I think at the end of the day,

theatre is escapism.

It's definitely a escapism for me.

I mean I love it and I wanna see as many shows as I can

and all that stuff.

When I really connect to a show,

it usually is partially what's happening in my life,

and partially what's happening in the show.

It's usually 50/50.

And that show can become like a funnel

for releasing negative emotions

and just enjoying yourself for a few hours.

- This summer, this past summer my cousin died

and we saw the new revival of "Bare".

And I knew the show.

They changed it a little bit but I knew the storyline,

and in the end one of the characters died.

They knew this going into it.

And it wasn't, it was a little bit of a parallel situation.

My cousin killed himself and he had mental health issues;

in the show it's a character dealing with homosexual issues.

But it still was about repression and secrecy

and then there was a point in the show

when the this nun character sings the song

about how you'll never be alone.

And from that point on, I was gone.

And then at the end of the show we sat there

for about three minutes while I, like, stopped.

Like not even like after I saw Titanic when I was 14

and sat in the movie theatre, was like, "Oh, God, Jack."

♪ Let me quiet your fear ♪

♪ Things may not be easy ♪

♪ But one thing you should know ♪

♪ You're not alone ♪

♪ You have a story the world should hear ♪

♪ Don't hide your light ♪

- And I have had that reaction during the whole process

but I don't know, there was obviously something in me

that still needed to get that out.

- I think theatre can heal people in a lot of ways.

If you're seeing theatre, at least you might be partially

dealing with your emotions through that.

♪ There for you ♪

- Such a lady. - I know.

I mean, just-- ♪ You're not alone ♪

(gentle guitar music)

- A lot of people can be really, really devastated

when a show closes and you can feel kinda lost.

- Towards the end of the run, I was blacklisted

from the show.

They were supposed to be giving out

the best seats in the house to the fans,

but the box office started giving out

the front row centre tickets which were earmarked

for the fans, they started seating people

wherever they wanted to seat them.

For one of those times I ended up with this crap ticket,

I'll call it crap, and I went to the box office

to complain about it.

I'm like, what are you guys doing?

This isn't where I'm supposed to be.

And they were like, "Well, that's where you're gonna be."

And I was like, "Well, then give me my money back."

So the house manager came out and she's like,

"There's a simple solution, give him his money back

"and he just can't come to see the show anymore."

Like, I saw the original cast 100 times,

the final performance of the show isn't gonna compare

to having sat there with the original cast

the night before opening night.

So that was the end of my run.

It happened to be my 1169th time.

And I was comfortable with that number,

and so I was happy to retire at that point,

because really in my heart I knew I wasn't gonna get

into that final performance anyway.

- It's a hard break up with any show that you love.

- It's sort of like dating someone

you're not ready to move on yet,

and you don't wanna have a rebound boyfriend or girlfriend.

- You fall in love with a given show

because it it speaks to you at that point

in your life.

It's so rare to find something to be passionate about.

Whatever it is, whether it's theatre or something else,

that if you find something that you're passionate about,

that you enjoy and you're not hurting anybody else,

then you should kind of pursue that

because you're lucky to have that in your life

even if other people think that maybe

you should be doing something else.

It's your time, it's your energy,

it's your money and your resources.

And if you choose to direct those things in a certain way

because it makes you happy and nobody else

is being hurt by it, then I think that

you'd be foolish not to.

The musical billed as "Now and Forever"

is about to see its final curtain call.

"Cats" ends the longest run ever on Broadway this evening,

18 years of meowing and scratching.

Some people scorned it, but many simply adored it.

(soft music)

- I was there at the gala night when the show closed.

The atmosphere was amazing.

It was just like everybody was so jazzed

and they were all pumped but everybody was sad

at the same time.

Well, these are my photographs from the balcony.

It was really, really great.

It was so emotional and just really,

really great to see Andrew Lloyd Webber there

with all the Cats and everything.

I was like, "Oh, God, you're so awesome."

And at the end, it's just everybody was like

the confetti coming down and we were crying,

it was like another dry in the house.

Everybody was really sad.

I don't know why I would resonate so much with it,

with the show.

It's just been such a part of my life for so long.

I think it just goes back to me being 12 years old again

in my room.

The music affected me so, so much,

and it just led to this entire journey that I'm on.

Yeah, just fate I guess.

- One day this theatre will close.

It will be closed and what about my dream then?

You have to build new dreams

or dream of a little bit smaller things.

Rusty told me in that musical not to give up,

to find the right way, the way that is right for me.

I learned to accept there's something between nothing

and being a star.

It's being a human, it's being a woman,

it's being a mother.

As a child you want your parents to love you.

Ask yourself if you accept that your child is what it is.

Show your child that you accept each other.

That is the most important thing.

We were three persons and since two years we are two persons

in this house.

But it happens that I take

three plates and then I think oh no, we are two.

We are two now.

(gentle music)

It's December and we are driving to the year-end show

of The Musical Arts Academy in Mainz,

and that because our daughter Mignon

is studying their musical

since the last two and a half years,

and we are very proud of it.

And I'm very excited to see the show this year.

I would never let it happen to Mignon,

not to be there for her dreams.

I learned that it was not important for me

being the one on stage, being the one in the middle.

Watching her living her dreams, getting somewhere

makes me also proud of me.

Makes me love me.

Like you plant a tree.

I have to give her the earth and I can give her water

but she has to grow herself.

She has to look out where the sun is shining.

Somebody asked me once if when I see Mignon on the stage

if she's only a reincarnation of my dead dreams.

Good question (laughs).

But I don't feel it, I don't feel like that.

If I see her on the stage, I don't see me.

- Mignon.

- Hello! - Hi!

(speaks in foreign language)

(Mignon giggles)

- She's my daughter.

She's my flesh and blood.

She's my love, she's my everything.

And she's the one who takes me to grave one day.

And if she's sending me on my grave

and is crying and missing me,

then I did everything right.

- People probably make an assumption of these super fans

that they have no life,

that they're kind of losers.

They're at the fringes of society.

They don't appreciate their really innately

wonderful qualities, wonderful.

They gravitate to a world that disconnects them

from the real world, and we all need that.

We all need it.

We just don't give it to ourselves enough.

(bright music)

We screw everything up by thinking about it.

If we just followed our passion kind of blindly

as these people do, everything would be fine.

There's an innocence to fans.

And I bet you've discovered in talking to them.

There's a sweetness and an innocence

that is enviable

down right enviable.

♪ Feel the rain that's comin' down ♪

♪ Falling like tears on a stony ground ♪

♪ Thunder clouds rise overhead ♪

♪ Raw emotions messin' with my head ♪

♪ Songs of summer far away ♪

♪ Distant mem'ries fade like yesterday ♪

♪ No one to set me free ♪

♪ No one here to bring you back to me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ But here we go and here we are ♪

♪ Here we stay inside our history ♪

♪ Fly the moon to the stars ♪

♪ Live your days ♪

♪ Set your spirits free ♪

♪ Here we go here we are ♪

♪ Here we stay inside our history ♪

♪ Fly the moon to the stars ♪

♪ Live your days ♪

♪ Set your spirit free ♪

♪ Oh ♪

(lively instrumental music)

♪ Here we go and here we are ♪

♪ Here we stay inside our history ♪

♪ Fly the moon to the stars ♪

♪ Live your days ♪

♪ Set your spirit free ♪

♪ Here we go here we are ♪

♪ Here we stay inside our history ♪

♪ Oh ♪

(lively instrumental music)