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1
00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:04,553
-Great news!
2
00:00:04,555 --> 00:00:07,740
Chago's daughter Margarita
is getting baptized,
3
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,059
and we're all invited!
4
00:00:10,061 --> 00:00:11,393
-Oh, yeah!
-That's so sweet!
5
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,128
-Oh, I love it!
I got the perfect suit.
6
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:15,064
-Oh, that baby's so cute!
7
00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:17,366
Her name is Alice, but they
nicknamed her Margarita
8
00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:19,234
because that's how she got made.
9
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,637
-Question -- has Chago picked
a godfather,
10
00:00:21,639 --> 00:00:24,306
and can I throw my nombre
in the hat?
11
00:00:24,308 --> 00:00:25,724
-Ugh...
-Oh, my God.
12
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,476
-Are you Cuban?
Are you family?
13
00:00:27,478 --> 00:00:29,545
Are you Catholic?
-I'm two out of three.
14
00:00:29,547 --> 00:00:31,080
-You're none out of three!
15
00:00:31,082 --> 00:00:33,165
-Estrellita and her family are
coming in from Miami.
16
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:36,018
Which means Mirtha is coming,
which means I have to spritz
17
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:40,205
the place with holy water
because she is La Diabla.
18
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,957
-Oh, um --
-What's happening?
19
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,509
-Yep.
20
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,744
-This is just Febreze until I
can get the real stuff.
21
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,912
-I thought you settled
22
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,530
the mantilla feud and
you're all good now.
23
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,582
-No, Tia made a comment about
24
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,585
Abuelita's croquetas
being dry and now it's back on.
25
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,404
-You know what will be dry?
26
00:00:55,406 --> 00:00:56,889
Every eye at her funeral!
27
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,274
-Yeah, but your
ridiculous vieja feud
28
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,677
isn't gonna be
the problem this time.
29
00:01:01,679 --> 00:01:02,861
-What is?
30
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,513
-Make America great again!
31
00:01:04,515 --> 00:01:08,717
Make America great again!
Make America great again!
32
00:01:08,719 --> 00:01:11,336
-Oh, that's right.
33
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:13,238
-♪ This is it ♪
34
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,940
-♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪
35
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,542
-♪ One day at a time ♪
36
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,745
-Because they're like us, I
always forget they're like that.
37
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,998
-Okay, as long as we stay away
from politics, it'll be fine.
38
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,768
It's a baptism -- we don't have
to talk during the service,
39
00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:28,270
and afterwards, we'll gossip
about how Chago and Valeria
40
00:01:28,272 --> 00:01:31,406
got married seven months ago and
Margarita is a miracle baby.
41
00:01:31,408 --> 00:01:32,858
-What will we do after?
42
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,943
Because they are of course
staying with us.
43
00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:36,161
-What?!
44
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,147
No, Mami.
I know they're family and --
45
00:01:38,149 --> 00:01:42,217
-We don't send family to hotels
like los Americanos frios.
46
00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,685
-Good, so you get it.
47
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,621
-We have to make an exception
this time.
48
00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:47,956
The only way to keep
the family together
49
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,675
is to keep the family apart.
50
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:53,145
-Well, if they cannot stay with
you, they will stay with me.
51
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:56,081
Night night, Mirtha.
52
00:01:56,083 --> 00:02:00,569
I hope the floor isn't as hard
as your bistec empanizado.
53
00:02:00,571 --> 00:02:03,038
-If I wanted to hear screeching
from an old bag,
54
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,289
I'd play with this zipper!
55
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,091
-You know what I wish had
a zipper?
56
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,493
Your mouth!
57
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,379
They have to stay.
They are family.
58
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:11,814
-I'm with Abuelita.
59
00:02:11,816 --> 00:02:14,917
I hope the Reyeses stay as long
as they want.
60
00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:16,401
I love Tio ATM.
61
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,354
-Tio ATM?
-That's what I call Tio Juanito.
62
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,490
How great is it being Cuban?
63
00:02:21,492 --> 00:02:23,208
-iEso, Papito!
64
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,793
[ Cha-ching! ]
65
00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:28,564
-He gives me $20 every time I
say something he likes.
66
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,465
-This is all a disaster.
67
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:31,867
-Just keep it light.
68
00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:33,769
Talk about
non-controversial stuff.
69
00:02:33,771 --> 00:02:34,803
Like the weather.
70
00:02:34,805 --> 00:02:37,022
-Gotta love this LA weather,
huh?
71
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,575
-Thank you, "global warming."
72
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:41,643
-Maybe try sports?
73
00:02:41,645 --> 00:02:43,846
-How dare that football guy
74
00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:47,833
disrespect our troops by
kneeling down peacefully?
75
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,651
-How about movies?
76
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:52,554
-If you have a penis,
use the men's room!
77
00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:55,557
-Why would that come up?
-It always comes up!
78
00:02:55,559 --> 00:02:57,726
-I still think the Reyeses
should stay with us.
79
00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,279
-What? You of all people should
be against it,
80
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,464
you disagree with them
about everything!
81
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:06,802
-True. I mean, when I came out
to Tio, he said...
82
00:03:06,804 --> 00:03:10,005
-You just haven't met the right
boy yet, Elena.
83
00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:13,108
-That's because they don't make
them like you, Tio.
84
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,977
-iEso, Papito!
85
00:03:14,979 --> 00:03:16,578
[ Cha-ching! ]
86
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:19,114
-But they're voters in Florida,
a swing state,
87
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,884
so we can't let them leave
till December.
88
00:03:21,886 --> 00:03:22,935
[ Thunder crashes ]
89
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:25,921
-No.
Politics and family do not mix,
90
00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:27,689
and that's why I'm putting
my foot down.
91
00:03:27,691 --> 00:03:29,958
The Reyeses can't stay with us,
iy ya!
92
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,693
[ Cell phone chimes ]
-Too late.
93
00:03:31,695 --> 00:03:34,329
They just landed, they're on
their way here.
94
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:35,597
iY ya, y ya!
95
00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:38,233
-Just landed?
The baptism is next week!
96
00:03:38,235 --> 00:03:41,053
-They are coming early
to have a mini-vacation
97
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,839
and do all the things
they can't do in Florida.
98
00:03:43,841 --> 00:03:47,893
Go to the beach, visit
Disneyland, see an orange grove.
99
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,796
-You are literally describing
Florida!
100
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,164
This is terrible.
101
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,099
It's just going to be a week of
fighting and yelling.
102
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,618
-Yeah, how is that different
than any other week?
103
00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:59,721
-Oh, my God.
Can I please fix everything?
104
00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:02,357
-Oh, boy.
-What I love most about you guys
105
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:04,293
is how you talk about
everything.
106
00:04:04,295 --> 00:04:06,495
Every sigh, every slight exhale,
107
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:08,096
you're like,
"What's going on there?
108
00:04:08,098 --> 00:04:10,032
Family meeting,
love, love, hugs, hugs."
109
00:04:10,034 --> 00:04:12,267
-Why are you telling us things
we already know?
110
00:04:12,269 --> 00:04:16,204
-Because it's a huge mistake
in this situation!
111
00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:19,474
Let my wildly dysfunctional
family be your guide.
112
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,209
Just don't talk to each other.
113
00:04:21,211 --> 00:04:22,744
-That is impossible.
114
00:04:22,746 --> 00:04:25,514
-Yeah, Mami sometimes FaceTimes
me while I'm peeing.
115
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,015
-And that is only
because I am cooking,
116
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,318
because otherwise
I would just walk in.
117
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,887
-You gotta retrain yourselves.
Father and I have spent weeks
118
00:04:31,889 --> 00:04:33,755
without saying a word
to each other.
119
00:04:33,757 --> 00:04:36,224
He once left a Post-It note on
my door that said,
120
00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:38,076
"I'm not sure you're mine."
121
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,378
I saved it and look at it
122
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,113
whenever I think
I might love him.
123
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,664
-And everybody should do that?
124
00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:44,833
-Yes, because
then you won't fight.
125
00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:46,935
See, you keep
the feelings inside,
126
00:04:46,937 --> 00:04:50,439
where the only person
they can harm is yourself.
127
00:04:50,441 --> 00:04:51,807
-Hmm...
128
00:04:51,809 --> 00:04:53,909
[ High-pitched whistling ]
129
00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:56,778
[ Groaning ]
130
00:04:56,780 --> 00:05:00,749
♪♪
131
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:09,024
-Those explosions remind me we
need a strong military.
132
00:05:09,026 --> 00:05:10,359
-Eso, Papito.
133
00:05:10,361 --> 00:05:11,710
[ Cha-ching! ]
134
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,862
-Yeah, keeping it inside
doesn't work for Cubans.
135
00:05:13,864 --> 00:05:16,048
We have to say everything,
then keep saying it louder
136
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,649
until asked to leave
the restaurant.
137
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,951
-No, you just gotta
push it down deeper
138
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,137
so you die of an ulcer
instead of an explosion!
139
00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:25,340
-Ha, yeah, no. Maybe you should
go back to your apartment now,
140
00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:27,642
since this is a family issue
that doesn't include you.
141
00:05:27,644 --> 00:05:29,478
[ High-pitched whistling ]
142
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,046
-[ Gulps ]
143
00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:33,365
See? Totally works.
144
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,700
[ Groans ]
145
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,369
God, I hate my father.
146
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,820
[ Explosion ]
147
00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:41,406
-Lupita, you're all worried
about nothing.
148
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,924
Families have disagreements.
149
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,560
But that does not mean
we cannot be polite.
150
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,079
-Polite? Ha!
151
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,513
What's that look like?
152
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,665
♪♪
153
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:55,170
-I say, I'm quite nervous that
you and your liberal ilk
154
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:57,706
are going to confiscate
my musket.
155
00:05:57,708 --> 00:05:59,241
-Balderdash and poppycock!
156
00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:01,510
Of course you'll retain
your blunderbuss.
157
00:06:01,512 --> 00:06:03,612
-Crumpet!
158
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,530
-I'm hearing rumblings
from the colonies
159
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,399
about this Hamilton chap.
160
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,901
-Pip pip, my good Papito!
161
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,354
[ Cha-ching! ]
-Mm!
162
00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:13,939
[ Laughter ]
163
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,257
-What?
164
00:06:15,259 --> 00:06:17,793
-I think you're confusing
politeness with Britishness.
165
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:21,063
-And you think Tia Mirtha is
going to be polite back?
166
00:06:21,065 --> 00:06:22,130
-Hmm...
167
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,182
-Lydia, can I borrow
your lipstick?
168
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:28,353
I want to see what the color
looks like on full lips.
169
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,405
-She used the whole tube!
170
00:06:30,407 --> 00:06:33,508
Is it my fault she has the bemba
of a puffer fish?!
171
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:35,694
-So we're screwed.
-No.
172
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:38,413
We will just have to settle this
the old-fashioned way.
173
00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:41,116
A talent contest!
174
00:06:41,118 --> 00:06:46,288
♪♪
175
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:48,723
-♪ Everybody loves me ♪
176
00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:51,693
♪ They tell me I'm so lovely ♪
177
00:06:51,695 --> 00:06:53,929
♪ Compare my voice to that
of the angels ♪
178
00:06:53,931 --> 00:06:56,832
♪ There's no one like me,
that's what they say ♪
179
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,016
Ugh!
180
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,118
-♪ I am the one who has
all the talent ♪
181
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,737
♪ My beauty's epic,
so hide your talons ♪
182
00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:04,773
♪ Because this contest,
I'm gonna slay ♪
183
00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:06,925
-Huh! ♪ I understand why
you get so jealous ♪
184
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,460
Oy!
-♪ Why would that be? ♪
185
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,411
♪ I get all the fellas ♪
Aah!
186
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,648
-♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪
-♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪
187
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,934
♪♪
188
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:20,422
-Ladies and gentlemen,
it is I, Gloria Estefan.
189
00:07:20,424 --> 00:07:23,091
And the winner is...
190
00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:24,392
Lydia!
191
00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:25,594
-But -- Oy!
192
00:07:25,596 --> 00:07:27,329
-She is the best dancer,
193
00:07:27,331 --> 00:07:28,830
the best singer,
194
00:07:28,832 --> 00:07:30,966
and I don't know what her
moisturizing regime is,
195
00:07:30,968 --> 00:07:34,202
but she looks like a baby,
and her lips are the fullest!
196
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:39,174
-But, Gloria Estefan, people
always say I remind them of you!
197
00:07:39,176 --> 00:07:40,759
-Dream on, loser!
198
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,044
Our queen has spoken.
199
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,280
♪♪
200
00:07:45,282 --> 00:07:47,666
[ Vocalizing ]
♪ Gloria Estefan! ♪
201
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,669
-What is even happening?!
202
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,022
-Why would Gloria Estefan
be here?
203
00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:56,525
-[ Speaks Spanish ]
Because everyone knows
204
00:07:56,527 --> 00:08:00,262
if a Cuban closes her eyes and
swishes her hips three times,
205
00:08:00,264 --> 00:08:01,530
she appears.
206
00:08:01,532 --> 00:08:03,031
-Okay, Mami,
you've lost your mind.
207
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:05,567
-Well, I had a little rum.
This is very stressful.
208
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,002
[ Gulping ]
209
00:08:07,004 --> 00:08:09,037
-Mom, face it.
There's no avoiding politics,
210
00:08:09,039 --> 00:08:11,406
so we may as well try to talk
some sense into them.
211
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,859
-No! Our two families were
fighting for so long,
212
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,643
and we just got back on track.
213
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:16,878
I don't want to mess that up.
214
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,247
So no politics.
End of discussion.
215
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,750
-Okay, but they're going
to talk about it.
216
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,151
And if we say nothing,
217
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:25,136
you better be okay with
what's gonna happen.
218
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,340
-We won again!
Four more years!
219
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,326
-And they've perfected
the artificial heart,
220
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:36,097
so he will live forever
and be president forever!
221
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:39,167
-If it ain't broke,
don't fix it!
222
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:40,835
-iEso, Papito!
223
00:08:40,837 --> 00:08:42,571
[ Slot machine bells dinging ]
224
00:08:42,573 --> 00:08:43,889
-Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
225
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:47,225
-Okay. If there has
to be a fight,
226
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,793
then we're gonna win it.
227
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,246
-[ Gulping ]
228
00:08:51,248 --> 00:08:52,681
iY ya!
229
00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:56,384
-So, we're gonna argue politics,
let's do this!
230
00:08:56,386 --> 00:08:57,869
How do I do this?
231
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,288
Hey, cuz, you still like that
comemierda you voted for?
232
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,190
Yeah? Well, either get
your head out your ass
233
00:09:02,192 --> 00:09:04,543
or get the hell out of my house!
234
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,895
-See you at Christmas.
235
00:09:06,897 --> 00:09:08,496
-Love the attitude.
236
00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:10,665
But you need some ammo
to back it up.
237
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,667
-Right, I got to hit her
with facts.
238
00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:14,035
Give me some facts.
239
00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:16,087
-Hillary got
3 million more votes!
240
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,541
-Hillary runs a pedophile ring
out of a pizza parlor!
241
00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,543
And the pizza isn't even good!
242
00:09:21,545 --> 00:09:24,379
-The ice caps are melting
and sea levels are rising.
243
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,281
-[ Scoffs ]
First there's a drought,
244
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,516
now there's too much water?!
Make up your mind!
245
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:33,088
-Even your guy had to admit that
Obama was born in America.
246
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,390
-Mm, of course he was.
247
00:09:35,392 --> 00:09:36,458
[ Ding! ]
248
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,927
-Oh, sorry,
I forgot to tell you --
249
00:09:38,929 --> 00:09:40,462
facts don't matter anymore.
250
00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:42,831
-What?
-Yeah, they had a good run.
251
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,700
But it turns out people want
to believe what they believe
252
00:09:45,702 --> 00:09:48,653
more than they want to believe
what is actually true.
253
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,622
-Is that true?
-Does it matter?
254
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:53,475
-Que barbaridad.
[ Gulps ]
255
00:09:53,477 --> 00:09:56,678
-Unfortunately, what you have to
do now to win is go negative.
256
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,431
-What happened to, "When they
go low, we go high?"
257
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,766
-Yeah, that went out the window
with facts.
258
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:05,236
So, what dirt do you have
on Estrellita?
259
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,805
-Hmm...
260
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,124
Hey, Estrellita, remind me --
261
00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:13,928
was it '96 or '97 when you had
that pregnancy scare?
262
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,730
-[ Gasps ]
-[ Gasps ]
263
00:10:15,732 --> 00:10:17,465
-[ Chuckles ]
264
00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:20,302
-You didn't hate Planned
Parenthood back then, did you?
265
00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:22,404
-At least I wasn't on
a first-name basis
266
00:10:22,406 --> 00:10:24,873
with the nurse who gave out
the free condoms!
267
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,875
-[ Gasps ]
-[ Gasps ]
268
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,343
-[ Squeals, chuckles ]
269
00:10:28,345 --> 00:10:30,378
-How about that summer
you taught me
270
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,547
all about mouth stuff
using a cucumber?
271
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,916
-Nope! Bad plan.
We gotta stay above the fray.
272
00:10:34,918 --> 00:10:37,986
We are a classy family and we're
gonna stay classy, damn it.
273
00:10:37,988 --> 00:10:39,888
-[ Gulping ] Ahh!
274
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,523
-Ugh.
-You know, we just had
275
00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:43,992
an assembly at school about
conflict resolution.
276
00:10:43,994 --> 00:10:45,827
These two kids were
filming a fake fight
277
00:10:45,829 --> 00:10:47,495
for TikTok
and then it turned real.
278
00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:49,464
-Oh, yeah. They sent
an e-mail home about it
279
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:51,166
that I skimmed and deleted.
Go on.
280
00:10:51,168 --> 00:10:53,234
-Okay, it's got three steps.
281
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,137
First, you ask
a non-threatening question.
282
00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:59,240
Then, you listen to
the person's response.
283
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,726
Then, you find common ground.
284
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,778
Ask, Listen, Find --
285
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:05,547
"ALF"!
286
00:11:05,549 --> 00:11:09,351
-I hate ALF. Just another
illegal alien in our country.
287
00:11:09,353 --> 00:11:12,120
[ Siren wailing ]
288
00:11:12,122 --> 00:11:14,789
-Okay, tell me how it works,
but don't call it "ALF."
289
00:11:14,791 --> 00:11:16,925
-Okay, we need an issue
to use as an example.
290
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,793
-Let's start with the thing
I know best.
291
00:11:18,795 --> 00:11:20,295
-'90s boy bands?
292
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,163
-All the places to get something
free on your birthday?
293
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:24,966
-How to not wear lipstick
but still succeed?
294
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:27,218
-Dang, I'm good at
a lot of things.
295
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,070
But I was talking about
health care.
296
00:11:29,072 --> 00:11:32,640
-Okay, so "Ask"
a neutral question.
297
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:35,994
-So, obviously, everyone should
have health care, right?
298
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,179
-Okay, MSNBC.
299
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:41,249
-Wow, Mom!
-What was wrong with that?
300
00:11:41,251 --> 00:11:43,418
-You jumped down her throat.
301
00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:45,787
You totally assumed she would
care about other people.
302
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,356
-Right, right.
Good, this is good, keep going.
303
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:52,193
-It's got to be a completely
uncontroversial question.
304
00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:54,262
-Being healthy is good, right?
305
00:11:54,264 --> 00:11:57,132
-Oh, yes. If you don't have your
health, what do you have?
306
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:02,554
Of course, if we had socialized
medicine, then we'd all be dead.
307
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,090
Did you know that, in Canada,
a lady had to wait eight years
308
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,975
for a liver transplant,
and then instead,
309
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,943
they gave her a breast implant?
310
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,829
I saw it on Facebook.
311
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,848
-I bet her husband loved it.
312
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,850
Where is the lie?
313
00:12:15,852 --> 00:12:18,219
-And I respond to the crazy how?
314
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:20,922
-You "Find" common ground.
315
00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:23,108
-Okay.
316
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,144
We...are both on Facebook.
317
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,812
-Good! Keep going!
318
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:29,497
Find more common ground.
319
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:33,968
-And, uh, you're upset about
unnecessary medical procedures.
320
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,937
-Exactly.
-Great!
321
00:12:35,939 --> 00:12:38,540
So we both want to live in
a world where we prioritize
322
00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:41,009
good health care that
doesn't cost too much.
323
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,179
Agreed?
-Agreed.
324
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,747
Speaking of health care,
I'm gonna forward you a meme
325
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:50,118
about how Obamacare paid for
a caravan of illegals
326
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,986
to get free nose jobs.
327
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,655
It's a big problem.
328
00:12:53,657 --> 00:12:54,856
-Ugh...
329
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,307
Well, what do I do now?
330
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,076
-Agree to disagree.
331
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,311
-Agree to disagree?!
So she gets to say
332
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,131
all of her nonsense and I just
have to be nice about it?
333
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,766
-Yeah.
Because it takes years.
334
00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:07,769
My teacher says this is what
they use in the Middle East.
335
00:13:07,771 --> 00:13:09,270
-I don't have years!
336
00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:11,289
There's Cubans in an Uber
right now!
337
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,208
We still have no plan!
[ Sighs ]
338
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,243
This is so much harder
than I thought.
339
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:18,046
-Changing peoples' minds
about politics is hard.
340
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:21,015
How did you think
it was going to go?
341
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:23,935
-And that's why I believe
what I believe.
342
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,620
[ Clapping ]
343
00:13:25,622 --> 00:13:29,390
-Thank you for opening our eyes
with that beautiful speech.
344
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,277
-Eso, Lupita.
America.
345
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:35,814
-I can't believe we ever voted
for that person!
346
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,649
-What fools we've been!
347
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,718
And Boys II Men
is better than NSYNC.
348
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,839
And I was always jealous
of your curly hair.
349
00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:47,308
-It could happen.
Right?
350
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,244
-Aw, Mom.
[ Chuckles ]
351
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,646
No. It's not going to go
anything like that.
352
00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:54,482
-Well, then, it's going
to go like this.
353
00:13:54,484 --> 00:13:56,935
-I'm gonna drain your swamp.
354
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,820
-Bring it, snowflake!
355
00:13:58,822 --> 00:14:01,089
[ Grunting ]
356
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,643
-Stop fighting!
357
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,029
Here, have some of
my arroz con pollo.
358
00:14:08,031 --> 00:14:10,181
-More like arroz con caca!
359
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,867
[ Grunting ]
360
00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:15,103
-[ Grunts ]
361
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,972
-But her e-mails...
362
00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:21,276
-Uh...
-Uh...
363
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,678
-Huh?
-Uh...
364
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,613
-Oh, we're screwed.
365
00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:29,150
[ Knocking on door ]
366
00:14:29,152 --> 00:14:34,188
-Oh, it's been so long, let me
get a good look at you!
367
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,245
-Well, you can't do that!
368
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,613
-She is right.
369
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:43,698
Fire will only make
Mirtha stronger.
370
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:45,867
-I've got it!
Let's move!
371
00:14:45,869 --> 00:14:47,702
I'll have the whole building
air-lifted
372
00:14:47,704 --> 00:14:49,387
and we'll start a new life
in Vancouver!
373
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,806
You guys will be so cool
as the only Latinos there.
374
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,175
Hi-ya!
-You mean y ya?
375
00:14:54,177 --> 00:14:57,462
-What'd I say?
-Okay, okay!
376
00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,448
They can stay in a hotel!
377
00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:03,351
-Mami, that's very big of you,
but it's too late.
378
00:15:03,353 --> 00:15:06,921
-Good, because I already changed
my mind again in shame.
379
00:15:06,923 --> 00:15:10,141
-I, for one, am glad.
This is important.
380
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,076
Mom, if we want things
to change,
381
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:15,229
then isn't it on us to talk
to the people that we love?
382
00:15:15,231 --> 00:15:16,531
Even if it's hard?
383
00:15:16,533 --> 00:15:19,701
-I know, baby, but we're just so
far apart on this stuff.
384
00:15:19,703 --> 00:15:21,803
I just can't imagine what
they're gonna say.
385
00:15:21,805 --> 00:15:25,073
-I think I might be able
to piece it together.
386
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:27,308
If we're being generous,
the things they care about
387
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:30,695
are actually...the same things
we care about.
388
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,015
I read this thing,
and it's like...
389
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,117
-Let's say I'm trying
to get to San Diego.
390
00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:37,952
There's a train going
to New York
391
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:39,287
and a train going to Phoenix.
392
00:15:39,289 --> 00:15:41,222
Neither one's ideal,
so I pick the one
393
00:15:41,224 --> 00:15:43,257
that gets me closer
to where I want to go.
394
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:45,493
That's how I feel about
this president.
395
00:15:45,495 --> 00:15:48,062
Whatever else happens,
he's going to appoint
396
00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:51,733
Supreme Court justices who are
going to finally protect
397
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:53,735
the lives of unborn babies.
398
00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:56,237
Is this guy perfect?
No.
399
00:15:56,239 --> 00:15:58,706
Do I want him to come over
to our house for dinner?
400
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,142
God, no.
But be honest --
401
00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:03,444
politicians are all terrible
in some way,
402
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:06,481
so you have to find the ones
who will do what you want.
403
00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:09,968
And come on, you're telling me
your guy is your first choice?
404
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,353
Everything you ever dreamed of?
405
00:16:12,355 --> 00:16:13,855
I don't think so.
406
00:16:13,857 --> 00:16:18,326
Look, our parents sacrificed so
much for us to be Americans.
407
00:16:18,328 --> 00:16:22,046
So when I hear about free
college and free health care,
408
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,533
my shield goes up because
that's what Castro promised.
409
00:16:25,535 --> 00:16:27,068
We all know how that turned out.
410
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,871
And I don't care about
the president's personal life.
411
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:34,175
I care about what he's gonna do
so I can keep my personal life.
412
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:36,144
The world is a scary place,
413
00:16:36,146 --> 00:16:38,046
and there's hard decisions
to be made,
414
00:16:38,048 --> 00:16:39,947
and we don't like
to think about that,
415
00:16:39,949 --> 00:16:41,949
but it can't always
be about your feelings
416
00:16:41,951 --> 00:16:43,584
and wanting to be nice
to everybody.
417
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:47,021
That's why, as much as it hurts
my Christian heart,
418
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:50,124
we can't just say,
"Everybody come in."
419
00:16:50,126 --> 00:16:51,993
That's why we need a tough guy.
420
00:16:51,995 --> 00:16:54,762
He may be a bully,
but he's our bully.
421
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,664
And he won,
so get over it.
422
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,233
It's not my fault that he was
opening cans of whoopass
423
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,703
while all your candidates
majored in gender studies.
424
00:17:01,705 --> 00:17:06,174
The world may be crazy right
now, but you and I are safe.
425
00:17:06,176 --> 00:17:09,077
Because he's keeping us safe.
426
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,679
-And what's what's
important to me.
427
00:17:11,681 --> 00:17:13,297
-Dang, you're good.
428
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,817
Like, I was actually nodding
during some of that.
429
00:17:15,819 --> 00:17:18,553
-I know, I kind of
scared myself.
430
00:17:18,555 --> 00:17:23,374
-So, Mom, if she says that,
what are you going to say back?
431
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,760
-Well...
432
00:17:25,762 --> 00:17:27,261
Wow.
433
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,731
I am so stunned that
we are looking at the world
434
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:31,866
and seeing such
different things.
435
00:17:31,868 --> 00:17:33,534
You think he keeps you safe?
436
00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:36,637
He mishandles every crisis
that comes his way.
437
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,206
Look at Puerto Rico.
438
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:42,143
A hurricane, earthquakes,
the whole island without power.
439
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,812
And that guy comes and he throws
a bunch of paper towels,
440
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,497
and then he's like, "Bye!"
441
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:50,084
Now imagine something happening
on a global scale.
442
00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:54,355
Something so huge, it completely
shuts everything down,
443
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:57,024
and we're stuck waiting
for someone to lead us
444
00:17:57,026 --> 00:17:59,761
while we watch episodes
of our favorite TV shows,
445
00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:01,929
but now they have
to be animated.
446
00:18:01,931 --> 00:18:05,500
I know, it sounds crazy,
but look into my eyes
447
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:09,237
and tell me that that's the guy
who will get us through it.
448
00:18:09,239 --> 00:18:11,572
Remember when we used to joke
about this stuff?
449
00:18:11,574 --> 00:18:15,877
"I'm a crazy liberal, you're a
stuffy conservative, ha ha ha."
450
00:18:15,879 --> 00:18:17,278
I miss that.
451
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,781
Us being on opposite sides
isn't new.
452
00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:23,050
But now it's different.
This guy made it different.
453
00:18:23,052 --> 00:18:25,953
People used to actually try
to hide their racism.
454
00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:28,422
But the president
made it cool again!
455
00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:32,693
We have to stand up for one
another now more than ever.
456
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:36,264
That's why we need to say
black lives matter,
457
00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:39,700
trans lives matter,
brown lives matter.
458
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:43,554
When he calls Mexicans
drug dealers and rapists,
459
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,556
you think that
doesn't affect you?
460
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,375
Do you think if your son
was in that Walmart
461
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,761
where the guy said he was there
to shoot all the Mexicans,
462
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,214
he would have stopped
to ask if Flavio was Cuban
463
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,899
before pulling the trigger?
464
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,417
He wouldn't have cared.
465
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:59,887
Because the president told him
immigrants are dangerous
466
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,489
and don't deserve to be here.
467
00:19:01,491 --> 00:19:02,907
You want to keep us safe?
468
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:06,127
How about not deporting people
who fought for this country.
469
00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:09,630
who served with me, who risked
their lives for you?
470
00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,900
Crazy idea -- what if, when
people came to this country,
471
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:16,037
we were like, "Oh, are you
fleeing a horrible situation?
472
00:19:16,039 --> 00:19:17,905
Please, come on in,
it's all good!
473
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,290
Love your food, love your music.
474
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,058
Anyway, we're gonna
give you a little help.
475
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,527
Oh, God, you're doing amazing!
476
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,296
You've actually made
this place better!"
477
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,381
Oh, wait,
that's not a crazy idea.
478
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,735
That was literally us when
our family fled Cuba!
479
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,837
How quickly we forget!
480
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:36,524
America is great because we
don't just fight for ourselves.
481
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:39,393
We fight for people
we will never meet.
482
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,479
Just like when
our parents came here.
483
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,883
Strangers organized their trips,
arranged for them to be safe.
484
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,568
Strangers.
485
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:50,988
We can't benefit from
the kindness of strangers
486
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,207
and then turn
our backs on the ones
487
00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:55,309
who need us
to stand up for them.
488
00:19:55,311 --> 00:19:57,545
Because that's what
kept us safe.
489
00:19:57,547 --> 00:20:01,616
And that's what's beautiful
about this country.
490
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,920
That's what's in my heart.
491
00:20:05,922 --> 00:20:08,589
-Oh, Mom.
492
00:20:08,591 --> 00:20:10,374
You are ready.
493
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,494
-iEso, Mami!
-Thanks.
494
00:20:13,496 --> 00:20:16,330
I still wish there was a way we
didn't have to talk about this.
495
00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:18,199
But now I know I can.
496
00:20:18,201 --> 00:20:19,467
[ Knocking on door ]
497
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:22,203
-Who is that?
Are we expecting someone?
498
00:20:22,205 --> 00:20:24,205
Oh, that's right.
499
00:20:24,207 --> 00:20:26,574
I have had a little rum.
500
00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:30,394
-Okay, we can do this.
501
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:33,614
I know they're nuts, but they're
family, and we love them.
502
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:35,449
-Okay, we can do this.
503
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:37,218
I know they're crazy liberals,
504
00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:40,888
but they are family,
and we love them.
505
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:43,357
-Hi!
-Nice to see you, guys!
506
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:44,892
-iHola!
507
00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:46,327
[ All greeting each other ]
508
00:20:46,377 --> 00:20:50,927
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