Original subtitles

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

[ CHUCKLES ] SERIOUS? REALLY?

HA HO.

OH, I SUCK!

SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

FRIGGIN' LOOKING AT ME.

JUST PLAY YOUR FRIGGIN' GOLF, LADIES.

♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN

♪ WILL I DIG THE SAME THINGS THAT TURN ME ON AS A KID? ♪

♪ WILL I LOOK BACK AND SAY

♪ THAT I WISH I HADN'T DONE WHAT I DID? ♪

♪ WILL I JOKE AROUND

♪ WILL I STILL JOKE AROUND

♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS

♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS

♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN?

Senior: WE'RE NOT "DROWNING."

MY GOD, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME IN THIS MORNING.

$400,000 IN DEBT? WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE?

IT'S NOT EVEN 8:00.

I JUST WANT A CUP OF COFFEE.

AND I JUST WANT TO GET A HANDLE

ON WHAT YOU'VE SADDLED ME WITH HERE, DADDY.

STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC

AND MAKING THIS BE ALL ABOUT POOR OWEN.

WELL, SEEING AS I AM RUNNING THIS DEALERSHIP,

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS --

MORNING, BOSS-MAN.

BOSS-MAN SENIOR. MM.

FRESH DOUGHNUTS.

LET'S DO THIS.

ALL RIGHT. OH.

UH, JUST FYI, THOSE JERKS DOWN IN SERVICE

ARE STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU PULLING THE PLUG

ON THE BODY SHOP -- JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

THANK YOU. BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

US GUYS ON THE SALES FLOOR, WE GOT YOUR BACK.

THANKS SO MUCH. YEAH.

NO PROBLEM.

OH.

SOME OF THE GUYS

WERE WONDERING,

IN LIGHT OF THE WHOLE BODY-SHOP THING, I MEAN,

WE'RE STILL GETTING OUR NEW DESK CHAIRS, RIGHT? I MEAN...

NO. NOT RIGHT NOW, NO.

[ SCOFFS ]

WELL, HEY, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE CHAIR YOU GOT, LAWRENCE,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT DOWN.

I MEAN, YOU'RE A SALESMAN, RIGHT?

YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR FEET ANYWAY.

IN FACT, TELL THE OTHER GUYS THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE

ANY OF THEM SITTING TODAY.

ALL RIGHT? THEY SHOULD ALL BE STANDING.

AND SELLING. STANDING AND SELLING.

OKAY.

TRY TO KEEP IT TOGETHER, SON.

NOW, WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP THE SPLENDA?

[ ERIN MOANS SOFTLY ]

MM.

MM.

OHH, YOU WERE PRETTY ENERGETIC LAST NIGHT

FOR AN ALMOST 50-YEAR-OLD.

BOTH OF US. [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW, FOR A COMBINED ALMOST-CENTURY PERSON....

[ GIGGLES ]

...WE WERE PRETTY GOOD. [ CHUCKLES ]

THAT IS SO ROMANTIC.

MM.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, I CAN'T! [ GROANS ]

OH, I HAVE TO BE AT SCHOOL EARLY THIS MORNING.

DON'T TELL ME YOU GOT TO HELP THOSE DAMN STUDENTS AGAIN.

[ CHUCKLES ] NO.

THAT GUY RANDY, YOU KNOW, THAT I WAS SEEING BEFORE YOU?

YEAH?

HE'S, UH, ALSO A NINTH-GRADE TEACHER,

AND OUR CLASSES ARE DOING THIS RENAISSANCE FAIR

TOGETHER.

SO RANDY WANTS TO HAVE

YET ANOTHER PLANNING MEETING

BEFORE SCHOOL THIS MORNING.

OHH, GOSH.

SOUNDS LIKE OLD RANDY ISN'T QUITE READY

TO GIVE UP ON YOU YET.

YEAH, I KNOW.

HE'S BEEN A LITTLE SQUIRRELLY EVER SINCE,

YOU KNOW, BUT...

I MEAN, IT'S -- IT'S HARMLESS.

IT'S JUST KIND OF AWKWARD BETWEEN BOTH OF US, YOU KNOW.

NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN. IT'S JUST...AWKWARD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEFEND YOURSELF TO ME.

WE'RE JUST, UH...

HANGING OUT HERE,

YOU KNOW, HAVING FUN, THAT'S ALL.

JUST HAVING FUN? YEAH.

GOSH.

I GUESS I BETTER STOP CARVING THAT ICE SWAN

FOR OUR WEDDING.

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY, UH, DaSHAUN...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND TONIGHT AND DO INVENTORY.

I'M GONNA DO IT MYSELF.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD LAKER TICKETS.

YEAH. I DO. I DO.

BUT I CAN'T GO NOW BECAUSE I PUTT LIKE A DICK!

[ SIGHS ] OHH.

I JUST -- I MADE A...

I-I MADE A BET, YOU KNOW, JUST IN MY HEAD

THAT I COULDN'T GO IF I DIDN'T SHOOT A 75 OR BETTER,

WHICH I WAS ON PACE TO DO,

AND THEN MY PUTTING JUST...

THEY'RE PLAYING THE HEAT, TOO.

WELL, H-HOW COME YOU JUST CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE BET?

IT'S JUST IN YOUR HEAD, RIGHT?

WELL, NO, NO. I...I...

YOU SEE THERE?

I WROTE IT THERE BEFORE I -- BEFORE I WENT OUT...

MM-HMM.

...AND ONCE IT'S ON THE SCORECARD,

IT'S AN OFFICIAL MIND BET -- I CAN'T GO BACK ON IT.

IT'S LIKE I HAVE A BET WITH GOD.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T GO BACK ON A BET WITH GOD.

DO YOU THINK GOD REALLY CARES ABOUT YOUR GOLF GAME?

[ SMACKS LIPS ]

ALL RIGHT. GO. JUST GO.

GO SELL SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT? COME ON.

Joe: HERE YOU GO.

SAY HELLO TO JACK NICHOLSON FOR ME.

Terry: YOU EVER GET ANYTHING GOOD WHEN

YOU WIN ONE OF YOUR STUPID BETS,

OR IS IT ALWAYS JUST ABOUT TAKING THINGS

AWAY WHEN YOU LOSE?

NO, MOSTLY JUST TAKING AWAY.

[ TERRY SCOFFS ]

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

[ LAUGHS ]

REALLY?

DID HE JUST GIGGLE?

YEAH, HE DID. LIKE A GIRL.

LIKE AN UGLY GIRL.

LISTEN TO THIS TEXT THAT ERIN SENT ME.

"REMEMBER THE GOOD, OLD DAYS

WHEN A TEACHER COULD SPANK A KID?"

SO I TEXTED BACK,

"SPANKING IS STILL ALLOWED IN MY BEDROOM."

YEAH, THAT'S CREEPY. [ Chuckling ]

WHAT?

Owen: SO, UM...

ERIN IS STILL HAPPENING?

ERIN AND I -- WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN.

WE WERE JOKING ABOUT IT THIS MORNING.

I DON'T BUY IT.

YEAH, AND HIS 50th BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP.

YOU WANT TO BET THERE'S A 25-YEAR-OLD IN HER PLACE?

HEY. TELL YOU WHAT.

NOW THAT I HAVE INSURANCE, THANKS TO THIS GUY,

ONE THING I WILL BE GETTING FOR MY BIRTHDAY --

COLONOSCOPY.

WHAT?

THAT'S A TERRIBLE GIFT.

NO, NO. MY DOCTOR RECOMMENDED HIS ASSOCIATE IN PALM SPRINGS.

AT FIRST I WAS LIKE, "NO WAY.

"I'M NOT GONNA DRIVE ALL THAT WAY FOR THAT."

BUT HE SAID, "NO. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF IT.

"YOU MAKE A FUN THING OUT OF IT.

"LIKE A 5-STAR HOTEL, SPA TREATMENT --

"YEAH, YOU SNEAK IN A COLONOSCOPY,

"BUT YOU ALSO HAVE A LITTLE R&R, TOO.

YOU KNOW, TAKES THE ONUS OFF OF IT."

[ CHUCKLES ]

"ONUS," "ANUS."

SO, YOU KNOW, WHAT THE HELL?

HE'S HOOKING ME UP, AND I'M GONNA DO IT.

YEAH, MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO GET ONE OF THOSE LAST YEAR.

YEAH? MM-HMM.

HEY. COME WITH ME. [ SLAPS OWEN'S BACK ]

AND DO WHAT, HOLD YOUR HAND?

IT'S NOT A COUPLE'S MASSAGE.

NO, REALLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, JOE? YOU COME, TOO.

IT'D BE LIKE A GUYS' WEEKEND. HUH?

IT'S THE ANESTHESIA THAT FREAKS ME OUT.

BUT YOU DO GOT TO DO IT.

YOU DO. I KNOW THIS GUY -- HE'S OUR AGE,

AND RIGHT NOW, HE'S...

GOT CANCER? WHO?

YEAH, NOBODY -- NOBODY YOU KNOW. IT'S SONIA'S FRIEND.

BUT, UM, YEAH, ALL RIGHT. I'M IN.

I'M IN FOR YOUR LITTLE WEIRDO WEEKEND.

GREAT. GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? WE SHOULD PLAY GOLF OUT THERE.

THEY GOT GREAT COURSES OUT THERE.

DEFINITELY. YES. YES.

NOPE. OH, COME ON.

AFTER THE PROCEDURES, WE CAN GO TO THAT...

STEAKHOUSE... IN PALM SPRINGS

THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS E-MAILING US ABOUT.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT BRINGS THE SKEWERS OF MEAT

RIGHT TO YOUR TABLE.

RENALDO'S. YES. THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU CAN'T EAT ANYTHING FOR A WHOLE DAY. RIGHT?

JUST IMAGINE ALL THAT MEAT WAITING FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL GO.

YEAH! OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING!

ALL RIGHT. [ CHUCKLING ]

WE'RE GONNA BE THE THREE MUSKA-REARS.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GOING IF YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKING

ALL THESE STUPID ASS JOKES, OKAY?

NO PUNS, NONE OF THAT NONSENSE.

THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF THOSE.

HALF THE REASON TO GO.

I'M EXCITED.

COME ON, OWEN! LET'S GO!

MAN, HOW AM I GONNA GO 20 MORE HOURS WITHOUT EATING?

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ] HEY, THERE, YOU.

AH. NO, NOTHING.

GIRL.

WELL, YOU HAVE FUN AT THE RENAISSANCE FAIR.

HEY, HOW'S OLD RANDY LOOK IN HIS TIGHTS, BY THE WAY?

[ OBJECT THUDS ] [ CHUCKLING ]

OH, NOW I'M GONNA HAVE THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD.

REALLY? WE'RE GOING AWAY FOR TWO DAYS.

YEAH. I-I GOT MY CLOTHES.

I GOT MY PILLOW, MY APNEA MASK.

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED, SERIOUSLY.

Terry: OKAY, O., LET'S ROLL.

COME ON, BUDDY.

GO, GO, GO. Joe: GO.

RELAX, ENJOY.

PLEASE. PLEASE.

BOYS, SAY GOODBYE TO DADDY.

BYE. BYE.

Terry: PALM SPRINGS, LOOK OUT!

[ "THE FLESH FAILURES" FROM "HAIR" PLAYS ON RADIO ]

NO ANESTHESIA? ARE YOU CRAZY?

IT FREAKS ME OUT.

I DON'T LIKE THE WHOLE "GOING UNDER" THING.

I CAN'T -- LOOK, THE DOCTOR SAID

I COULD DO IT EITHER WAY, RIGHT? SO...

LOOK, SOMEBODY'S GOT TO BE ANESTHESIA-FREE

JUST TO DRIVE YOU DRUG ADDICTS BACK TO THE HOTEL.

UH, JOE, CAN WE -- CAN WE PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON?

THIS IS JUST, UM... JUST PAINFUL.

IT'S "HAIR," MAN. COME ON.

YOU GOT TO LET THE SUNSHINE IN.

YOUR ASS!

SIT BACK! [ CHUCKLES ]

JUST GO WITH IT.

YOU GOT TO SWAY -- SWAY WITH IT.

HUH? FEEL IT.

♪ ...FASHION MY FUTURE ♪

OH, SHIT!

HOW LONG BEFORE WE GET TO PALM SPRINGS?

HOUR.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, HERE YOU GO. RIGHT HERE. HUH? HUH?

"SILENCE TELLS ME SECRETLY...

EVERYTHING."

♪ ...EVERYTHING ♪

♪ EVERYTHI-I-NG ♪ EVERYTHI-I-NG ♪

THAT'S THE BEST LYRIC EVER WRITTEN.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK YOU KNOW THE BEST OF EVERYTHING?

AND ALWAYS EVERY ONE OF THEM NOT THE BEST.

JUST THINK OF THAT LINE. OKAY?

"SILENCE TELLS ME SECRETLY EVERYTHING."

NOTHING'S BEING SAID,

BUT EVERYTHING'S BEING SAID.

IT'S LIKE IN "THE WIZARD OF OZ."

YOU GOT TO LOOK BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

NO, NO. THAT'S THE SECRET TO LIFE, MAN --

LOOKING BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

THAT'S THE DUMBEST SHIT YOU'VE EVER SAID.

NO, IT IS NOT.

OH, THIS, UH...

YEAH, THE NEXT EXIT IS MY DAD'S.

Terry: OH, REALLY? YEAH.

WE SHOULD STOP IN TO SEE ARTIE.

Joe: NO.

WE'RE MAKING GOOD TIME HERE, RIGHT?

WHY NOT? COME ON.

I COULD USE A PEE BREAK.

JOE, YOU'RE GONNA PASS UP A CHANCE TO SEE YOUR DAD?

THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT YOU CAN'T TAKE FOR GRANTED.

I'M NOT TAKING IT FOR GRANTED.

I JUST -- I DON'T -- WE'RE DOING SOMETHING.

I DON'T WANT TO RUSH AND HAVE TO CHECK IN

AND THEN GET TO THE GOLF COURSE.

LET ME GET THIS CLEAR.

OHH.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET CHECKED FOR CANCER,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BLOW OFF A CHANCE

TO VISIT YOUR ELDERLY FATHER.

I'M NOT SURE THAT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW,

YOU KNOW, KARMICALLY.

♪ ...OF MOVING PAPER FANTASY ♪

♪ LISTENING FOR THE NEW TOLD LIES ♪

ATTABOY, JOE. KARMA.

YEAH, YEAH. I GET IT. SIT BACK.

YOU ON THE RUN? YOU KILL SOMEBODY?

[ Chuckling ] YEAH, NO. WE...

[ CHUCKLES ]

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO PALM SPRINGS, YOU KNOW,

JUST WANTED TO COME IN AND SAY HI.

OH, YEAH? HMM.

CAN'T STAY LONG, THOUGH. JUST LIKE A FEW MINUTES, MAYBE?

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD, GOOD. YEAH.

MM-HMM. HEY.

I VOTED FOR YOUR GUY.

OBAMA. HE'S TALKING ABOUT OBAMA.

OH, UM...THANKS.

NO PROBLEM.

ARTIE! OH. OH, HEY!

EVERYBODY, THIS IS CONNIE. SHE'S MY LADY FRIEND.

HI!

OH. HI, SWEETHEART. [ CHUCKLES ]

OH, BABY. SOCK IT TO ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THIS IS MY SON, JOE. OH!

HI. HIS FRIENDS.

TERRY. HI.

OWEN.

NICE TO MEET YOU. ALL RIGHT.

JOE, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.

YEAH. RIGHT.

WELL... [ LAUGHS ]

...ANYWAY, WE'RE GOING. WE DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOUR...

NO, NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, DON'T BE SILLY.

I JUST CAME BY FOR A CUP OF COFFEE.

Artie: COME ON. SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

CAN I, UH, USE YOUR BATHROOM?

PEE?

DAD.

UM, PEE.

YEAH. FIRST DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, UH...

Artie: CONNIE AND I HAVE BEEN

SEEING EACH OTHER FOR... A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW.

A FE MONTHS. THREE.

SHE IS AS FIT AS A FIDDLE.

SHE WAS THE FIRST LADY

JUDO INSTRUCTOR IN SAN DIEGO IN 1964.

NO KIDDING?

[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH.

SHE SHOWED ME HOW TO, UH, PUNCH

USING THE BACK OF MY WRIST!

[ ARTIE CHUCKLES ] AAH. HEY.

COME ON, DAD.

THE HARDEST PART OF THE ARM -- RIGHT THERE.

Connie: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. NOW, STOP IT. JUST STOP IT.

NOW, SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU UP THIS WAY?

UH, WE'RE JUST ON OUR WAY TO PALM SPRINGS, JUST...

IT'S A LITTLE GOLF... HOW NICE.

AND WE'RE ALSO GETTING COLONOSCOPIES.

WHAT? OH.

NO, WE'RE JUST, UH, WE'RE DOING SOMETHING, DAD.

DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.

Artie: COLONOSCOPY IS WHERE THEY...

RIGHT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

YEAH. YOU'RE CRAZY.

NO, IT'S -- IT'S A GOOD THING TO DO, DAD.

I NEVER GOT MY ASS CHECKED.

YOU TELL HIM JOE'S DOING HIS WITHOUT ANESTHESIA?

YOU WANT TO BE AWAKE FOR THAT, JOE?

YOU GOT SOMETHING TO TELL ME? [ CHUCKLES ]

NO, DAD. NO. HOW'S MY KARMA NOW, GUYS?

Connie: OH. OH.

Artie: I'M JUST BUSTING YOUR CHOPS, HUH?

COME ON, RIGHT?

OHH.

NOW WE'RE LATE FOR THE TEE TIME.

THE DAD STOPOVER SCREWED US UP, TERRY.

NO, WE'LL BE FINE.

YOU GUYS GETTING CELL RECEPTION OUT HERE?

YEAH. YOU'RE NOT?

IT SAYS I AM,

BUT I TEXTED ERIN, AND SHE HASN'T HIT ME BACK.

DON'T SAY "HIT ME BACK."

THREE MONTHS AGO, YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CELLPHONE.

OH, SHIT.

OH, MAN. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS PLACE HAD A CASINO, JOE.

I-I'M SORRY.

LET'S GO CHECK IN TO ANOTHER HOTEL.

Joe: NO.

COME ON, GUYS.

YOU CAN'T EXPECT EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING

JUST TO...CHANGE FOR ME.

THIS IS HOW IT IS. I'M GOOD.

WHAT NAME'S IT UNDER?

IT'S YOU, RIGHT? MINE. YEAH.

YEAH. GO AHEAD.

Terry: "ELLIOT."

OH, MAN, I WISH WE HAD A CHANCE TO HIT THE RANGE FIRST.

I'M FEELING RUSHED.

AND I'M STIFF FROM THAT DRIVE, YOU KNOW?

EXCUSES, EXCUSES.

YOU KNOW, CELLPHONES, THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED

ON THE COURSE.

OH?

I-I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YEAH. IT'S NOT MY RULE.

I'M JUST SAYIN'.

[ TERRY LAUGHS ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

OH, COME ON!

WE'RE NOT PLAYING YET, LEE TREVINO.

IT'S FINE.

HELLO.

HEY, HOW'S YOUR VACATION? WHAT DO YOU NEED?

BRUCE SAYS YOU'RE NOT GETTING US OUR NEW BUSINESS

CARDS, MAN. WHAT'S UP?

UH, YEAH, FOR THE TIME BEING.

DIDN'T YOU JUST GET A BOX

OF BUSINESS CARDS A FEW WEEKS AGO?

THESE CARDS ARE CRAP, OWEN.

I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW CARDS

THE SCARPULLA GUYS GOT?

THEY'RE MAKING US LOOK BAD...

again.

UH, WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WORK HARDER,

OVERCOMPENSATE FOR YOUR SHITTY BUSINESS CARDS.

YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION "PENNY-WISE, POUND FOOLISH"?

UH, WHY, NO, MARCUS, I HAVEN'T.

YEAH, WELL, IT MEANS YOUR FATHER

WOULDN'T PUT UP WITH THIS NICKEL-AND-DIME BULLSHIT.

UH, YEAH, WELL, MY FATHER'S NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, MARCUS.

MY FATHER'S NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE!

KIND OF SHOUTING.

AND YOU SHOULD GET USED TO IT.

WHAT DO YOU GOT TO SAY?

YOU HUNG UP.

HI.

YOU GUYS ARE THE 1:40?

UH, YEAH. I'M A SINGLE.

THEY PUT ME WITH YOU. COOL.

TERRY. I'M LIZZY.

HI, LIZZY. HI.

THIS IS, UH... JOE.

OWEN. HI. HI.

Terry: YOU CAN RIDE WITH ME.

OH, THANKS. OH. LADIES FIRST. HMM?

YEAH.

YEAH.

SCREW YOU. I'M JUST BEING POLITE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, GET DOWN. GET DOWN.

OH, COME ON! IDIOT!

JOE'S TRYING TO MAKE THE SENIOR TOUR.

SO WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY FUN. [ CHUCKLES ]

YOUR LAST CHANCE TO BACK OUT.

[ LAUGHS ] I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

[ Chuckling ] OKAY.

FEELING A LITTLE RUSHED.

THANKS FOR THE DAD PIT STOP.

Lizzy: OH!

NICE ONE, JOE!

NO. IT'S GONNA BE IN THE BUNKER.

OHH!

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES A SHOT LOOKS GOOD OFF THE CLUB,

AND...IT ENDS UP BAD.

YOU KNOW?

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT COMPLIMENTING A SHOT

BEFORE YOU KNOW WHERE IT'S GONNA GO.

JUST, UH...YEAH. BUT WHATEVER.

WHERE'D YOU WIND UP?

I THINK I'M OVER BY THAT TREE.

SHE'S KILLING ME.

[ SIGHS ]

SHE KEEPS SAYING, "NICE ONE."

BITCH. [ SIGHS ]

IT'S ANNOYING.

PLUS, TERRY BEING ALL [SETS BOTTLE DOWN]

"WHAT'S UP, PRETTY LADY?"

THAT WHOLE CART'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Owen: WHY CAN'T YOU ENJOY THIS?

YOU'RE KICKING OUR ASSES!

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING YOUR ASSES.

YOU GUYS STINK!

OHH...

I CANNO PUTT.

LOOK, JUST EASE UP.

'CAUSE I'M HOT AND I'M HUNGRY, AND I'M ANNOYED AT EVERYTHING.

LIKE THE WAY YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES ON YOUR HAT.

THAT SHOULDN'T PISS ME OFF, BUT IT REALLY DOES.

[ Mockingly ] OOH, NICE ONE!

IT'S ANNOYING, RIGHT?

THIS TIME TOMORROW,

WE'LL ALL BE THROUGH OUR COLONOSCOPIES.

ALL WITH A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH.

OR NOT.

OHH, GEEZ, JOE!

GOOD LORD.

NO, IT'S... IT'S JUST THIS EXAM.

IT MAKES YOU THINK, RIGHT?

"WHAT IF," YOU KNOW?

YEAH, BUT IT'S BETTER TO FIND OUT, RIGHT?

THAN TO JUST HOPE FOR THE BEST AND LET IT GET WORSE?

YEAH, YOU GOT TO GET IT OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

AND DEAL WITH IT.

YEAH. YEAH.

IT'S JUST...

IT'S JUST GETTING OLDER.

IT ALL GETS REAL, YOU KNOW?

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ CLUB HITS BALL ]

NOT A BAD ASS, THOUGH, RIGHT?

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

OHH, GOD!

TERRY, YOU DICK! [ GLASS THUDS ]

OH, VACATION, MY ASS.

OHH.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Joe: WHAT'S GOIN' ON?! YOU FEELING ANYTHING YET? HEY!

[ TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY ]

HEY.

YOU -- YOU TAKE THE STUFF YET?

JUST DRANK IT A SECOND AGO.

IT'S GROSS, RIGHT?

YEAH. FEEL ANYTHING?

I JUST DRANK IT A SECOND AGO.

OH, ME NEITHER.

SAY IT SHOULD TAKE LIKE SIX HOURS TO WORK.

YOU GONNA LET ME IN, YOU HUMP?

UH, ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT JUST, YOU KNOW,

LAYING DOWN AND WAITING FOR THE STUFF TO DO ITS THING.

YEAH. WE'LL WAIT. WE'LL WAIT TOGETHER.

WE'LL WATCH TV, AND OUR BOWELS CAN HAVE A RACE.

COME ON. WE'LL HANG OUT. IT'LL BE LIKE THE DORMS.

NAH. YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING.

WAIT, WAIT. ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON.

KIND OF [SIGHS] I LOST TV PRIVILEGES.

WHAT?

SHOT A DAMN 82.

I HAD A STUPID MIND BET.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I-I THOUGHT I GAVE MYSELF A CUSHION!

76 -- SHOULDN'T BE HARD ON THESE EASY DESERT COURSES,

BUT THEN I JUST -- I FELT ALL RUSHED TODAY,

AND THE LADY KEPT SAYING, "GOOD ONE!"

AND -- I DON'T KNOW -- ANYWAY...

NO TV FOR ME.

BUT THAT'S NOT TO SAY I CAN'T BE IN YOUR ROOM

WHILE YOU WATCH TV.

WHAT IS THAT -- LIKE A LOOPHOLE WITH GOD?

NO.

I CAN'T CHANGE YOUR CHANNELS,

BUT IF YOU'RE WATCHING AND I'M IN THE ROOM,

I'M TOTALLY WITHIN MY RIGHTS.

THERE ARE NO RIGHTS. YOU MADE IT ALL UP!

WELL, YOU KNOW THAT, AND I KNOW THAT,

BUT DON'T KNOW THAT.

COME ON!

WHAT, I'M GONNA WAIT SIX HOURS WITH NO TV?

WELL, LISTEN. YOU GOT TO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM

WHENEVER THIS STUFF STARTS WORKING --

FOR EITHER OF US.

WHY? WHY CAN'T --

THAT'S NON-NEGOTIABLE, JOE!

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

[ GROANS ]

YOU WANT TO WATCH, UM, THE GOLF, WESTBURY OPEN?

NAH.

NO? WHAT?

THIS? "QUINCY"? "QUINCY."

COME ON. WHAT YEAR IS IT?

YOU LISTEN TO "HAIR." I WATCH "QUINCY."

OH, MAN. [ SCOFFS ]

LOOK, YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M WATCHING,

YOU CAN GO BACK TO WHATEVER FLOOR YOUR ROOM IS ON

AND WATCH YOUR GODDAMN CLOCK RADIO!

ALL RIGHT.

GEEZ. [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU ALL RIGHT?

Quincy: ...DO A BLOOD ALCOHOL ON HIM, WOULD YOU?

SILENCE TELLS ME EVERYTHING.

DON'T DO THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ] [ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

I GOT IT.

[ KNOCKING CONTINUES ]

HEY. 'SUP?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS OWEN'S ROOM.

YEAH. IT IS. WE'RE, UH, WE'RE HANGIN'.

COME ON IN.

GETTING KIND OF ITCHY IN MY ROOM.

WAITING FOR LIFT-OFF.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, WE'RE WATCHING "QUINCY."

SERIOUSLY?

CAN'T HEAR IT!

Joe: I WAS THINKING WE COULD WATCH...

MAYBE THE WESTBURY OPEN,

BUT IT'S TOTALLY UP TO YOU TWO GUYS,

IF YOU WANT, YOU KNOW.

THAT'S THE REMOTE. I DON'T KNOW.

CHANNEL 72, I THINK.

OH, SURE. I'LL JUST FLIP AROUND.

DON'T TOUCH IT! DON'T -- DON'T...TOUCH IT!

WHOA.

GUYS AT THE DEALERSHIP ARE GONNA BE BUMMED OUT.

WHAT?

THIS TRIP HASN'T MELLOWED YOU OUT AT ALL.

I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

I'M LEAVING MY OWN DAMN ROOM AND GOING DOWNSTAIRS.

AND DON'T FOLLOW ME, JOE,

BECAUSE I'M -- I'M GONNA BE GAMBLING!

Terry: REALLY?

YOU GUYS CAN STAY AND WATCH THE TV,

BUT DAMN IT, THE BATHROOM IS OFF LIMITS!

THERE'S A FRESH ROLL OF T.P. IN THERE,

AND THERE'S A STICKER STILL ON IT.

I'LL KNOW.

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

WHY'S HE POINTING AT ME ABOUT THE TOILET PAPER?

[ CHUCKLING ]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

DO YOU WANT TO WATCH THE WESTBURY OPEN OR SOMETHING?

SURE, WHATEVER.

YOU SEE THAT, UH, BACHELORETTE PARTY

THAT WAS GATHERING IN THE LOBBY

WHEN WE CAME IN AFTER GOLF?

THEY'RE PROBABLY BACK FROM DINNER,

A LITTLE TIPSY, LOOKING FOR FUN. WE COULD --

NO! WHAT ABOUT ERIN?

WHAT ABOUT -- JUST LAY OFF THE WHOLE ERIN THING, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST BEEN A MONTH. I TOLD YOU GUYS, ALL RIGHT?

WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN.

YEAH. YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE IT.

LOOK, I'M GOING DOWN, OKAY? 'CAUSE...

WELL, COME ON. I CAN'T WATCH THE DAMN TV IF...

SOMEONE ISN'T IN THE ROOM.

WHAT?

SHOT AN 82 TODAY.

GOODBYE.

[ STAMMERS, SIGHS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ] OHH, SHIT.

OKAY, BIG MAN. COME ON. TABLE'S BEEN COLD.

NEED TO GET YOU HOT. RIGHT HERE.

COME ON, BABY. UH...

[ DICE CLATTER ]

7! WINNER 7!

OH, YEAH! OKAY, GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

HEY.

WAY TO GO. HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. COME ON.

COUPLE PONIES IN THE SUNSHINE!

[ DICE RATTLING ] WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

11! WINNER 11!

[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ] LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!

YEAH, BIG MAN WANTS TO HAVE SOME FUN!

[ MAN CHUCKLES ]

HI.

Dealer: 7! WINNER 7!

[ PEOPLE CHEERING ]

LET'S GO BACK UP, MAN. COME ON.

WE CAN WATCH WHATEVER YOU WANT -- WHALES, NATURE CRAP.

NO. I'M GOOD HERE.

WHAT -- EVEN IF YOU MEET SOMEBODY,

WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THEM BACK TO YOUR ROOM?

SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN THE BATHROOM HALF THE NIGHT.

NEVER HURTS TO SCOUT THINGS OUT.

THAT'S ALL. [ SCOFFS ]

[ GROANS ]

BIG MAN, YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I'M -- I'M FINE, LITTLE MAN, JUST FINE.

UM [EXHALES SHARPLY]

OKAY. COME ON. ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

WE'RE AT 4, OKAY? OKAY.

SO WHEN YOU ROLL IT, YOU GOT TO YELL, "LITTLE JOE FROM KOKOMO!"

WHAT?!

YEAH. YOU GOT TO YELL IT.

"LITTLE JOE FROM KOKOMO!"

LITTLE JOE FROM KOKOMO!

4! WINNER 4!

OH!

[ LAUGHS ] HO!

FEVER IN THE WHOREHOUSE!

YEAH!

[ CHEERING ]

BIG DICK FROM BOSTON!

OH!

[ CHEERING ]

NEINER NINE!

[ CHEERING ]

WE CAN'T EAT ANYTHING,

BUT I FEEL LIKE EATING ONE PEANUT,

SEE IF THE DOCTOR CAN FIND IT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

Joe: OH, GOD.

SEE YOU LATER, JOE.

OH, I KNEW IT.

TELL HER SHE RUINED MY GAME TODAY.

[ Chuckling ] OKAY.

[ OWEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

EIGHTER FROM DECATUR!

8! WINNER 8!

I'M LOVING THIS GAME.

[ CHEERING ]

11 TO...

6 THE WINNER! WINNER 6!

YEAH! [ LAUGHS ]

BIG MAN, WHERE YOU GOING?!

[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

[ BOTH GROANING ]

OKAY.

OHH.

Close, close, close, close, close.

AHH. Close, close, close.

COME ON. PLEASE CLOSE.

COME ON.

COME...

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ BUZZER SOUNDS ]

[ ALL BREATHING DEEPLY ]

TO INFINITY...

Shut your mouth right now.

SORRY.

[ JACKSON BROWN'S "THESE DAYS" PLAYING ]

UM...

INSULIN FOR MY DIABETES.

UH, YEAH. UM, PAXIL.

RECREATIONAL DRUG USE -- NO.

NO. NOT SINCE COLLEGE, REALLY.

A COUPLE YEARS AGO, THERE WAS A PARTY

THAT TERRY...

YEAH, NO.

MARIJUANA, BUT, UH, NOT IN 15 WEEKS, SO...

DOING GOOD.

NEXT OF KIN --

I GUESS IT WOULD STILL BE MY EX-WIFE.

MY BROTHER, I GUESS.

"I UNDERSTAND THERE MAY BE RISKS ASSOCIATED

"WITH ANY ENDOSCOPIC EXAMINATION,

"BLEEDING AFTER A BIOPSY,

"OR REMOVAL OF A POLYP OR OTHER GROWTH...

"PERFORATION OF THE INTESTINE WHICH MAY

REQUIRE IMMEDIATE SURGERY,

"ALLERGIC REACTIONS, NAUSEA,

VOMITING, DIFFICULT BREATHING, AND CARDIAC ARREST."

100, 99,

98...

IT'S NOT WORKING.

[ SIGHS ]

EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD, MR. THOREAU.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU JUST REST NOW. OKAY?

WILL DO.

HEY.

Terry: HEY.

WHAT'S UP, GUYS?

[ CHUCKLES ]

YES.

YES.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

Terry: I'M PROUD OF YOU GUYS.

SERIOUSLY, WE DID THE SMART THING THIS WEEKEND.

YEAH.

YEP. AND NOW...

I THINK IT'S UP HERE ON THE RIGHT.

YOU GUYS SEE THAT SUSHI PLACE WE PASSED?

I HEARD THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.

THERE IT IS! RENALDO'S!

YEAH, BABY! [ CHUCKLES ]

HEARD IT WAS THE BEST SUSHI IN PALM SPRINGS.

IT SEEMED NICE. IT'S GOT A VALET.

IT'S GOT A VALET?

HEY, THEY PARK THE CARS FOR YOU -- NICE.

[ GROANS LIGHTLY ]

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, GUYS,

YOU DON'T THINK WE SHOULD MAYBE STAY AWAY FROM

THE RED MEAT? YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, WE GOT GOOD RESULTS ON OUR THINGS.

KEEP IT GOING.

LITTLE FISH MIGHT BE DELISH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT'S JUST...

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, GUYS. I-I-I CAN'T.

I-I CAN'T GO. YOU GUYS GO. I CAN'T EAT WITH YOU GUYS.

WHAT?

[ Chuckling ] YEAH.

WHEN YOU WERE SLEEPING,

I WENT OUT TO PRACTICE MY PUTTING.

'CAUSE, RIGHT? YOU SAW.

AND, UM, I THOUGHT,

"LET ME SEE IF I CAN HIT FIVE IN A ROW."

AND, OF COURSE, I MISSED THE LAST ONE.

AND, UH, YEAH.

I-I LOST HAVING DINNER AT RENALDO'S.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOU KNOW, AS CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS, I NEED THAT.

I NEED THE LITTLE MIND, MOTIVATIONAL THINGS,

BECAUSE THE SENIOR TOUR IS GETTING REAL CLOSE, YOU KNOW?

AND YOU GOT NO IDEA THE PRESSURE I'M UNDER, SO...

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE UNDER PRESSURE.

YOU'RE JUST THE ONLY ONE CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE

GRIEF BECAUSE OF IT.

OH, YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN SUCH A JOY TO BE AROUND LATELY.

HEY, I DIDN'T LOSE EATING!

ALL RIGHT. COME ON. COME ON.

NO, SCREW THIS!

I'M GOING IN.

JUST COME AND EAT WITH US, OKAY?

YOU KNOW, FORGET THE STUPID BET. COME ON.

NO, I CAN'T. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THEN IT JUST -- IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, THEN.

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

YES, IT DOES!

Owen: HEY.

I'M NOT BACKING OUT OF RENALDO'S BECAUSE

OF JOE'S STUPID SHIT.

WELL, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO!

GO AHEAD, GO. ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

WELL, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT. WE WILL. COME ON, TER.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

THIS WHOLE WEEKEND WAS A BAD IDEA.

NO, I'M NOT FEELING BAD LEAVING HIM OUT.

HE'S LEAVING HIMSELF OUT!

NO. GO AHEAD.

JOE... THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

COME ON!

NO, I'M OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU AFTER.

STUPID CRAP, JOE!

JOE!

Hostess: YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BIT OF A WAIT

ON ACCOUNT OF YOU'RE SWITCHING FROM A FOUR TOP TO A TWO TOP.

HOW LONG A WAIT ARE WE LOOKING AT?

I'D SAY 45 MINUTES.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO HAVE A DRINK IN OUR BAR,

AND THEN, MR. ELLIOT, I CAN TEXT YOU WHEN THE TABLE'S READY.

OKAY, WELL, OWEN, WHY DON'T WE JUST --

NO. NO, I'M... I'M EATING HERE.

WE'LL HAVE A DRINK IN THE BAR.

[ SLAPS STOOL ]

JUST, UH, SAVE THIS FOR ME, WOULD YOU?

W-WHERE YOU GOING? BACK IN A SECOND.

CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

UH, I-I WILL HAVE A... SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS.

SCOTCH ON THE ROCKS.

OH, SORRY. MY, UH, BUDDY'S SITTING THERE.

Hi. It's Erin. Leave me a message.

[ Beep ]

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN A DAY AND A HALF.

THIS DRINK IS FEELING GOOD. [ LAUGHS ]

YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE?

I DO. YEAH.

[ Ringing ]

Hi. It's Erin. Leave me a message.

[ Beep ]

HEY. IT'S ME -- TERRY.

UH, JUST CALLING TO SAY "HEY" AND...

GOT OUR THINGS DONE.

WE'RE GONNA EAT A LOT OF MEAT, SO [CHUCKLES]

HOW'S YOUR, UH, HOW'S YOUR REN-FAIR THING GOING?

UH, WHAT'S-HIS-NAME STILL ACTING ALL SQUIRRELLY...

WHOA. SORRY. I JUST SAID "SQUIRRELLY"

KIND OF SQUIRRELLY, DIDN'T I?

SO [CHUCKLES]

UH...

AHH.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE STOOL?

UH, THE DEAL IS THAT MY BUDDY'S GONNA BE HERE IN...

ANY SECOND,

AND HE'S GONNA SIT THERE.

THAT'S THE DEAL.

COME ON, MAN. IT'S REALLY CROWDED.

DUDE...

♪ I FASHION MY FUTURE ♪

♪ ON FILMS IN SPACE ♪

♪ SILENCE TELLS ME SECRETLY ♪

♪ EVERYTHING ♪

♪ EVERYTHING ♪

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL MY BUDDY'S UP TO,

BUT I TOLD HIM I WOULD HOLD HIS SEAT FOR HIM.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I MEAN, IF IT WAS UP TO ME, YOU COULD SIT THERE.

[ SCOFFS ]

BOY, I'M SICK OF TAKING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

[ ICE CLINKING ]

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A VACATION FROM ALL THAT.

GET A BEER, PLEASE?

YEAH.

REALLY?

REALLY?

♪ LISTENING FOR THE NEW TOLD LIES ♪

♪ WITH SUPREME VISIONS OF LONELY TUNES ♪

♪ OUR SPACE SONGS ON A SPIDERWEB SITAR ♪

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

ASSHOLE.

LIFE IS AROUND YOU AND IN YOU

♪ ANSWER FOR TIMOTHY LEARY, DEARIE ♪

SERIOUSLY?

YEAH, THAT'S MY BUDDY'S SEAT!

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE

AAH!

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

SHIT!

♪ THE SUNSHINE IN

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

HEY!

I TOLD YOU MY BUDDY WAS COMING!

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

♪ THE SUNSHINE IN

HEY, COOL IT, MAN! COOL IT!

GET OFF OF ME!

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

♪ THE SUNSHINE IN

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH!

ENOUGH! GET THESE GUYS

OFF OF ME!

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

♪ THE SUNSHINE IN

COME ON! WHAT IS WRONG

WITH YOU?

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

♪ LET THE SUNSHINE IN

Terry: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF, MAN!

WE GOT RESERVATIONS. WE GOT RESERVATIONS!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

[ SIGHS ]

[ MID-TEMPO SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS ]

CAN I SAY IT? BEST TACOS EVER.

FOR ONCE, YOUR "BEST" IS CORRECT.

[ CHUCKLES ] MM.

RIGHT HERE?

THREE CLEANEST COLONS IN PALM SPRINGS.

NOT FOR LONG.

[ SCOFFS ] IT'S LIKE SHARK WEEK.

OH! [ TERRY CHUCKLES ]

HEY, UH...

SORRY I SCREWED UP THE DINNER.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YEAH. BEST TACOS EVER.

YEAH.

AH, THE MIND BETS -- WHATEVER.

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF, YOU KNOW,

THAT THEY'RE NO BIG DEAL.

THAT I JUST DO THEM FOR THE DISCIPLINE,

FOR THE GOLF.

THE LAKER TICKETS I GAVE YOU --

I WAS GONNA TAKE ALBERT TO THAT GAME.

[ SCOFFS ]

MY DAD -- MY DAD -- HE SEEMED GREAT YESTERDAY, RIGHT?

WE'RE THERE...

HE HASN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN 20 YEARS,

AND HE'S SITTING THERE, HE'S WITH CONNIE,

AND HE'S HAPPY, AND ALL I'M THINKING IS,

I GOT TO -- I GOT TO MAKE MY MIND BET ON GOLF.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

I GOT TO GET TO THE COURSE. I GOT TO WARM UP.

I GOT TO MAKE SURE I SHOOT A 76,

'CAUSE OTHERWISE I LOSE.

NOTHING ABOUT THE GOLF --

IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT THE BET.

I JUST...

COME ON. I LIKE THE FEELING.

I LIKE THE -- THE JUICE.

IT'S LIKE REAL LIFE...

IT'S LIKE GAMBLING.

YOU KNOW, IT IS GAMBLING.

AH...

SHIT.

YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO G.A., DUDE.

YEAH.

YEAH, I'M GONNA.

NO, I KNOW.

BY THE WAY,

I HAVE TO SAY I WAS PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH YOUR...

WRIST PUNCHES OR WHATEVER. YEAH.

I DON'T THINK I DID THEM RIGHT,

'CAUSE I CAN BARELY LIFT THIS TACO.

[ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'LL PUTT BETTER NOW.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT GUY.

I KNOW. I KNOW IT WAS THREE ON ONE,

BUT, HEY, YOU'RE A BIG DUDE,

AND YOU START SOMETHING, YOU GET WHAT YOU GET.

MM-HMM.

YEAH, I MIGHT HAVE STARTED THAT.

WHAT?

I MEAN, THE GUY WAS BEING A DICK,

BUT, YEAH, UM...

YOU MIGHT SAY I DREW FIRST BLOOD.

AND IT FELT GOOD, TOO.

NOW MAYBE I DON'T HAVE TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY DAD.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING. I'M JUST TALKING. YOU KNOW.

JUST, UM...

MY DAD, THE GREAT BUSINESS LEGEND,

LEFT THE DEALERSHIP IN A DEEP, DARK, BOTTOMLESS...

FINANCIAL HOLE.

AND NOW HE GETS TO RETIRE.

HE MADE ALL HIS MISTAKES, AND NOW...

HE'S LEAVING ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF.

TAKE ALL THE HEAT, MAKE ALL THE...

SHITTY, IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE.

I MEAN, I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT PLACE.

YOU KNOW.

MAKE IT MY OWN.

NOW I'M NOT EVEN SURE I CAN KEEP IT AFLOAT.

I SPENT 25 YEARS WAITING TO BE THE BOSS.

I'M THE BOSS OF SHIT.

MAYBE I'M CONFUSED.

MAYBE I'M DOING IT WRONG WITH MY KIDS,

BUT THAT'S NOT -- THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

RIGHT?

I MEAN, WASN'T HE SUPPOSED TO LOOK OUT FOR ME?

OR SOMETHING?

INSTEAD OF...

NO, I'M SORRY. SORRY.

Terry: AH.

LISTEN, NO ONE

CAN KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS, OKAY?

I DON'T WANT EVERYBODY WORRYING,

YOU KNOW, EMPLOYEES JUMPING SHIP.

RIGHT? THIS IS MY THING.

YEAH.

ANYTHING I CAN DO.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

WELL, NOT MUCH.

BUT I'M THERE, YOU KNOW, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.

OKAY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO FOR YOU.

WHAT?

YOU COME IN THE STORE, YOU GET ANY BALLOON YOU WANT.

[ LAUGHS ]

NO KIDDING, DUDE.

ON THE HOUSE.

MYLAR, REGULAR...

...ANYTHING.

JUST NOT PIÑATA. PIÑATA'S NOT A BALLOON.

DON'T TRY AND GET AWAY ON A TECHNICALITY.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ] WHOA.

AHH.

[ CELLPHONE CLATTERS ]

OUR TABLE'S READY.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

[ CELLPHONE THUDS ]

WHAT ARE YOU MAD AT? WE GOT THE TACOS, RIGHT?

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR BACK FROM ERIN ALL WEEKEND.

OKAY? YOU KNOW?

SHE HASN'T RESPONDED TO ANY OF MY TEXTS.

YOU KNOW, SO I-I-I LEFT HER A VOICE MESSAGE.

RIGHT? [ SNIFFS ]

BUT NOTHING. NOTHING.

I MEAN, I-I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON.

WELL, WHEN DID YOU LEAVE THE MESSAGE?

LIKE TWO HOURS AGO.

WELL, COME ON.

NO, AND ALSO -- ALSO --

SHE'S WORKING WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND, OKAY?

AND THEY'VE GOT SOME BIG PROJECT TOGETHER AT SCHOOL.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF A WOMAN YOU WERE DATING

FOR THREE WEEKS FREAKED OUT LIKE THIS

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET BACK TO HER QUICK ENOUGH?

AREN'T YOU TWO JUST SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN?

OH...

SHIT.

WHAT?

I THINK I'M IN LOVE.

YOU ASSHOLE. ASSHOLE. REALLY.

[ LAUGHS ]

A-HOLE.

DEAL WITH IT FELLAS YOU'RE LOOKING

AT A GUY IN LOVE.

EVEN AFTER A COLONOSCOPY, YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.