Original subtitles

[ LAUGHTER ]

PLAY IT AGAIN. PLAY IT AGAIN.

MOM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

EVERYTHING I MAKE IS SO BORING.

HONEY...I'M HUNGRY.

OH, NO. NO.

HUSH, HUSH. [ MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ Laughing ] THIS IS TOO GOOD.

MICROWAVE? TRY IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

[ MAGICAL CHIMES ]

DELICIOSO! ARRIBA! ARRIBA!

HA HA!

AHH!

COME ON, GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU GOT MOVES.

OKAY. OKAY, THAT'S -- NO, NO, NO, WAIT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

WELL, MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT.

BUT NOW OUR DINNERS ARE A LITTLE TOO EXCITING.

[ MAGICAL CHIMES ]

ARIGATO-O-O!

[ LAUGHTER ]

"ARIGATO"? THAT'S JAPANESE.

YEAH, YEAH. WE WEREN'T SO PC BACK IN THE '80s, YOU KNOW?

WHERE'D YOU GUYS EVEN, UH -- EVEN GET THAT?

AND HOW DO I GET RID OF IT?

WHAT? GET RID OF IT?

YOU GOT ALMOST A MILLION VIEWS, KID. STRONG WORK.

WHAT? OH, YEAH. YEAH, LOOK.

CHECK OUT THE COMMENTS.

"I HEARD THE MARIACHI GUY SELLS CARS

"AT THOREAU CHEVROLET IN THE VALLEY

AND I, I, I, I JUST GOT A GREAT DEAL."

WHO THE HELL WROTE THAT?

COULDN'T TELL YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ LAUGHING LOUDLY ]

♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN ♪

♪ WILL I DIG THE SAME THINGS THAT TURN ME ON AS A KID? ♪

♪ WILL I LOOK BACK AND SAY ♪

♪ THAT I WISH I HADN'T DONE WHAT I DID? ♪

♪ WILL I JOKE AROUND ♪

♪ WILL I STILL JOKE AROUND ♪

♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS ♪

♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS ♪

♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN? ♪

[ CELLPHONE BEEPING ]

THIS THING RINGS ALL DAY,

AND I GOT 20 MESSAGES BEFORE EVEN GETTING OUT OF BED.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. [ GROANS ]

EVERYBODY'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION

ON THE NEW BOSS.

MORE LIKE TESTING THE NEW BOSS

TO SEE WHAT THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT --

WHY DON'T I GO INTO THE OFFICE AND WHIP EVERYBODY INTO SHAPE

AND YOU CAN SPEND THE AFTERNOON WITH THE MOMMIES

PLANNING THE FALL PARTY FOR MICHAEL'S CLASS?

I DO PLAN A HELL OF A PARTY.

[ Chuckling ] YOU HAVEN'T PLANNED A PARTY WITH

THESE MOMMIES.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ]

OH.

HEY, DON'T FORGET, YOU HAVE THE BOYS' FOOTBALL PRACTICE TONIGHT.

UH, RIGHT.

UH, CAN YOU PLEASE HAVE THEM DRESSED AND READY

TO GO BEFORE I GET HERE?

I'M COMING STRAIGHT FROM WORK,

AND ALL THOSE PADS AND CRAP ARE A NIGHTMARE.

OF COURSE. EH...

"THANK YOU. YOU'RE THE GREATEST."

Joe: YOU'RE THE NEW GUY. NEW GUY GETS SHIT.

THAT'S HOW IT IS.

YEAH, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY FIND THE NEW GUY'S

REALLY SHITTY OLD COMMERCIAL.

OH, YEAH.

HEY, I CAN LAUGH AT MYSELF JUST AS WELL AS THE NEXT GUY,

BUT THE 500th TIME

THAT A GUY WALKS BY YOUR DESK AND SAYS "ARRIBA," OKAY?

KIND OF LOSES ITS COMEDIC PUNCH.

OH, YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE!

YOU GOT TO HAVE A THICK SKIN, ROOKIE,

OR THOSE GUYS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

OH, THIS IS WORK. HANG ON.

NO, NO, NO. PHONES -- REALLY? PHONES ON THE HIKE NOW?

IT'S THE REGIONAL REP. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO

DO -- NOT ANSWER?

WELL, JUST TAKE IT IN THE CAR, 'CAUSE I GOT A THING AT 8:00.

WELL, GO AHEAD. I'LL CATCH UP. OWEN THOREAU.

TEE TIME?

OH, NO, I WISH.

GOT, UH, THE WEEKLY CHECK-IN

WITH ALBERT'S GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.

HOW'S AL DOING?

HE'S GOOD. DOING REAL GOOD.

YEAH, HE HASN'T HAD THAT ANXIETY THING FOR A LONG TIME NOW.

ALTHOUGH HE'S STILL KIND OF AFRAID TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE.

SUPPOSED TO BE REAL GOOD.

200 BUCKS A POP -- BETTER BE GOOD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, WIN A COUPLE TOURNAMENTS ON A SENIOR TOUR,

AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY.

[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH.

NO?

AH, I THINK I GOT AHEAD OF MYSELF

ON THAT SENIOR-TOUR THING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

AHH. I DON'T HAVE TIME.

I GOT THE DIVORCE, THE KIDS, THE STORE...

I GET OUT THERE ONCE IN A WHILE,

BUT PROS GET OUT THERE.

THEY GOT TRAINERS AND COACHES AND --

THEY'RE JUST GOOD.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SELL THE STORE.

YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.

I'LL JUST SELL THE STORE RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.

WELL, NO, YOU GOT TO KICK YOURSELF IN THE ASS SOMEHOW.

I MEAN, YOU GOT A SMALL WINDOW TO DO THIS THING,

AND, PERSONALLY, I THINK IF YOU COMMIT TO IT,

YOU COULD DO IT.

DO WHAT?

NO. NO, NO.

YOU CAN'T TAKE A PHONE CALL

AND THEN THINK WE'RE GONNA RECAP EVERYTHING FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO RECAP EVERYTHING. JUST CATCH ME UP.

NO. NO, HE'S RIGHT.

NO CELLPHONES ON THE HIKE. THIS IS SACRED TIME.

SACRED TIME? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?

TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

NOPE.

NOT GONNA DO IT.

YOU COULD'VE DONE IT BY NOW!

WHOA, WHOA.

LEG CRAMP.

AHH. FANTASY WOMAN.

SEE, NOW, THIS JUST PROVES MY POINT.

WHAT?

YOU EVER GONNA ASK HER OUT, OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA

SIT ON YOUR ASS?

HOW IS THAT A POINT? THAT'S WHAT I HATE ABOUT YOU.

YOU COMPARE THINGS THAT DON'T EVEN MAKE --

OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SHIT, JOE, IF THIS IS WHO SHE GOES FOR,

YOU MIGHT'VE HAD A CHANCE.

NO, SHE AIN'T -- SHE AIN'T GOING FOR HIM.

THEY'RE NOT BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND.

RIGHT? LOOK, THEY'RE JUST --

THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.

HUH? YEAH.

YOU SAY SHIT, YOU GET HIT. SEE?

I CAN MAKE RHYMES THAT ARE MEAN, TOO.

ACADEMICALLY, IT'S NOT IDEAL,

BUT, YOU KNOW, ALBERT IS ALBERT.

YEAH, MM-HMM.

On a better note, I think it's a tremendous positive

HE'S DECIDED TO GO TO THE UPPER-SCHOOL DANCE.

I MEAN, USUALLY -- MIKE, MIKE,

HOLD ONE FOR ONE SECOND.

Sure. YEAH?

WE'RE OUT OF "GET WELL" BALLOONS.

I -- WELL --

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. LET ME FINISH UP HERE.

HEY, MIKE, SORRY. Oh, not a problem.

I WAS JUST SAYING, WHEN KIDS ISOLATE THEMSELVES,

IT USUALLY COMPOUNDS THEIR ANXIETY PROBLEMS.

Albert going to this dance is a really great thing.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, WE REALLY DIDN'T PUSH HIM ON THAT OR ANYTHING.

NO, I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T.

YOU AND SONIA HAVE BEEN A GREAT TEAM.

More often than not, divorce has the opposite effect.

Anyway, I'm not here to judge. You get the picture.

YEAH.

YEAH, YOU'RE SAYING OF ALL THE SCREWED-UP

PARENTS, WE'RE THE BEST.

[ Laughs ] That's not how I meant that.

BY THE WAY, HOW'S THE SENIOR TOUR COMING ALONG?

I think Albert's told the whole school about it.

He's very proud.

YEAH, IT'S -- IT'S GOOD. IT'S, UH...

Can't wait to see you out there giving the old

guys a run for their money.

YEAH. YEAH, WELL, ME TOO.

THANKS. UM, ALL RIGHT, LET ME GO, MIKE.

All righty.

ALL RIGHT, THANKS. Yep.

BYE. Bye-bye.

[ RECEIVER CLICKS ]

[ SIGHS ]

I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.

YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. LET ME -- I WANT TO RUN

SOMETHING BY YOU GUYS.

UH...

I'M THINKING MAYBE IT'S TIME THAT YOU GUYS TAKE ON

JUST A LITTLE MORE RESPONSIBILITY AROUND

HERE, YOU KNOW?

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE IF WE'RE LOW ON SOMETHING, YOU ORDER IT ON YOUR OWN.

OR MAYBE YOU START OPENING AND CLOSING THE STORE EVEN MORE NOW.

IS THIS, LIKE, A PROMOTION?

WELL...

IT'S A RESPONSIBILITY PROMOTION.

SO, DOES THE RESPONSIBILITY PROMOTION

COME WITH, LIKE, A PAY PROMOTION?

WELL...

...I'M THINKING LET'S GIVE THIS A TRY,

AND, UH, YEAH, WE'LL SEE.

SO, PROBABLY MORE PAY?

WE'LL SEE.

OKAY, SO, THEN WHO WANTS TREAT DUTY?

OH, SURE, I'LL DO IT.

IS SOMETHING WRONG, JESS?

NO, IT'S JUST ALEECE --

NO, I KNOW, YOU MAKE THOSE INCREDIBLE CUPCAKES.

AND?

WELL, I MEAN, IT IS A LUNCHTIME PARTY,

AND I JUST -- IS ANYBODY ELSE WORRIED ABOUT ALL THAT SUGAR?

I'LL TRY AND KEEP IT ON THE HEALTHY SIDE.

GREAT. AND THEN, LAUREN, CAN I PUT YOU ON PARTY FAVORS?

OF COURSE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M JUST GONNA MAKE YOU A LIST OF STUFF TO GET.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THAT LITTLE BOY IN SAN DIEGO

WHOSE IDIOT FATHER GOT HIM A SCIENCE KIT WITH MAGNETS IN IT?

HE ATE ONE, AND THEN HE HAD TO HAVE SURGERY.

SO, NO MAGNET FILLING IN THE CUPCAKES, ALEECE.

JESSICA, I DON'T NEED A LIST. I KNOW WHAT TOYS ARE SAFE.

OH, NO, I KNOW. BUT I JUST...

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T I BE IN CHARGE OF THE FAVORS?

I DO HAVE A PARTY-STORE CONNECTION, SO...

OH, RIGHT. LAUREN, YOU DON'T MIND, DO YOU?

NO. AH, YOU'RE THE BEST.

ALL RIGHT, MELISSA, LET ME JUST FINISH THIS LIST. OKAY.

SERVICE IS OUT OF CONTROL! HEADS NEED TO ROLL!

"HEADS NEED TO ROLL"?

HEY, YOU SAY THE WORD, I'LL REGULATE.

OKAY, JUST RELAX.

HEY, JESSE.

QUICK QUESTION --

UM, WHAT'S THE HOLD-UP ON THE REMOTE STARTER

FOR CARL'S IMPALA?

YEAH, I'M SORRY, BOSS. WE'RE BACKED UP.

LISTEN, TALK TO YOUR BUYER, TELL HIM I'M SORRY.

IT MIGHT BE ANOTHER DAY.

I TALKED TO HIM WHEN I SOLD HIM THE CAR.

I'M DONE TALKING TO HIM.

ESPECIALLY WHEN I KNOW MY CAR WAS HERE BEFORE THAT ONE!

GO ON. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

UNBELIEVABLE!

NEW GUY'S GOT A TEMPER.

YEAH, WELL, NOBODY LIKES TO GET JERKED AROUND.

I DIDN'T JERK HIM AROUND.

UM, I GOT A WORK ORDER HERE

THAT SAYS HIS CAR WOULD BE READY THIS MORNING.

YOU SIGNED IT.

COME ON, HE KNOWS THAT A WORK ORDER'S A GUESS,

NOT A GUARANTEE.

THE SUITS ACT LIKE THEY DON'T SO THEY CAN COME DOWN HERE

KICKING AND CUSSING, TELLING ME HOW TO RUN MY SHOP,

BUT NOBODY TELLS ME HOW TO RUN MY SHOP.

NO, NO, NO, JESSE, OF COURSE NOT.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING THAT I'VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD

ABOUT THAT WHOLE DEAL.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN A CAR CAN GET FINISHED,

WHY NOT HELP US OUT AND JUST SAY YOU DON'T KNOW?

[ SIGHS ]

BECAUSE IF I SAY I DON'T KNOW,

THEN YOUR GUYS COME DOWN HERE AND CALL ME AND MY GUYS NAMES.

IF I TELL THEM "THURSDAY," THEN THEY GO AWAY.

EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

UNTIL THURSDAY.

YEAH. IT'LL BE FRIDAY SOON ENOUGH.

CAN YOU AT LEAST PROMISE ME THAT CARL'S CAR WILL BE NEXT?

YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

THANK YOU.

AND, LISTEN, THIS IS THE POLICY FROM NOW ON --

IT'S OKAY TO SAY "I DON'T KNOW"

IF YOU REALLY DON'T.

BUT IF YOU DO KNOW FOR SURE,

JUST GIVE THE SALESMEN A DATE AND TIME THEY CAN

EXPECT THEIR CAR,

AND IF THEY'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE DATE YOU GIVE THEM,

THEY CAN TALK TO ME.

ALL RIGHT, BOSS. SURE.

THANK YOU.

STOP YOUR WHINING.

TELL YOUR BUYER HIS CAR WILL BE READY TONIGHT.

AHH! BIG O! TAKIN' CARE OF "BIDNESS"!

KICKIN' ASS AND TAKIN' NAMES!

SAY YOUR WIFE -- GET IN -- BORROWS THE CAR, RIGHT?

AND THEN, WHEN YOU GET BACK IN...

MM.

VOILà -- THE CAR REMEMBERS EVERYTHING

EXACTLY THE WAY YOU LIKE IT,

FROM THE SEAT TO THE MIRRORS.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

THAT.

THAT'S, UM, LIKE A, UM...

MY COUSIN HAS A T-SHIRT SHOP.

HE SAID WE COULD MAKE ONE 20 FEET TALL IF WE WANTED.

CAN HE DO BALLOONS?

THEY USE ME AS A -- EXCUSE ME JUST FOR A SECOND.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHOULD I TELL THEM TO LAY OFF?

NO.

IT'LL JUST GET WORSE IF THEY THINK I'M PROTECTING HIM.

WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO

IS DEAL WITH JESSE DOWN IN SERVICE.

[ Chuckling ] OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M NOT MESSING AROUND THERE.

PAIN IN THE ASS.

SO, WHAT DO I DO -- FIRE HIM?

WOULDN'T DO THAT.

AT LEAST WITH JESSE, YOU GET GOOD WORK.

REMEMBER WHEN HERMAN THE GERMAN RAN THINGS?

THAT SON OF A BITCH ALMOST COST US

OUR BETTER BUSINESS CERTIFICATION.

YEP. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW...

MR. T, YOU'RE STILL HERE.

NO. NO, I'M NOT.

NO, I GOT A HALF-HOUR -- I'M GONNA SNEAK IN

A LITTLE SESSION BEFORE I GOT TO PICK UP THE KIDS.

WELL, THIS LADY INSIDE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU.

DaSHAUN, THAT'S PART OF THE WHOLE "NEW

RESPONSIBILITY" THING.

YOU GUYS GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT.

HEY, JOE.

OKAY, GOODY BAGS.

OH, WATER GUNS? NO!

BUBBLES.

BUBBLES. LET ME CHECK THE LIST TO BE SAFE.

NOPE, NO BUBBLES.

I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HATE A LIST, BUT I DO.

I HATE IT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MS. JESSICA SCHULTZ DOES NOT TAKE CHANCES

WITH HER CHILDREN'S SAFETY.

IF IT SAYS "MADE IN CHINA," IT'S NOT ON THE LIST.

WELL, EVERYTHING IN HERE IS MADE IN CHINA.

WHAT ELSE FOR THE SAFEST, MOST BORING PARTY EVER?

HEY, HOW'S THE GOLF COMING?

OH, IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOING GOOD.

CALL ME.

MR. SISLER, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU

WHAT THE SERVICE DEPARTMENT TELLS ME.

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME! MR. SISLER --

I MEAN, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

LOOK, SERIOUSLY, YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS!

IF YOU JUST WANT TO WAIT OVER THERE.

WE'VE GOT SOME COFFEE AND --

JESSE!

JESSE!

YEAH, BOSS?

WHERE'S CARL'S CAR?

IT'S RIGHT THERE. IT'S THE IMPALA, REMEMBER?

YOU TOLD ME HIS CAR WAS UP NEXT.

IT IS.

MY GUYS HAVE BEEN UNDER THESE TWO ALL DAY.

AS SOON AS THEY'RE DONE, NEW GUY'S UP.

AND WHEN IS THAT GONNA BE?

WELL, THE MALIBU'S AN ENGINE REPLACEMENT,

COBALT'S A TRANNY REBUILD,

SO BEST I COULD TELL YOU IS...

I DON'T KNOW.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

I THINK THAT'S YOU, BOSS.

OWEN THOREAU.

HEY, UH, WHAT TIME IS THAT DANCE TOMORROW?

I'M DRIVING YOU GUYS, RIGHT?

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. SUDHEER IS PICKING ME UP.

YEAH, AND I'M NOT GOING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SAID YOU WERE GOING.

YOU TOLD MR. DOKICH YOU WERE GOING.

WELL, YEAH. I JUST SAID THAT SO HE'D LET ME GO TO LUNCH.

THAT GUY NEVER STOPS TALKING.

WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU, ALBERT,

I KIND OF MADE PLANS THINKING YOU WERE GOING.

YOU SHOULD GO, ALBERT. IT'S FUN.

YEAH, LIKE YOU'RE EVEN GOING.

AFTER 10 MINUTES, YOU'RE GOING TO JACK FORDHAM'S PARTY

WITH ALL THE OTHER SENIORS.

PARENTS GONNA BE THERE?

YES.

WELL, I DON'T GET

THE WHOLE CHANGING-YOUR-STORY THING, ALBERT.

YOU'RE NOT SCARED OF GETTING SHAKY, RIGHT?

'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN DOING GREAT WITH THAT.

NO, NOT REALLY. THOSE THINGS ARE JUST LAME.

WELL, YEAH, THEY START OUT LAME,

BUT THEN YOU START GOOFING OFF WITH WES AND REED,

AND YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THE DEEJAY'S PLAYING

"CRIMSON AND CLOVER."

THAT'S HOW ALL MY DANCES ENDED, BUT STILL.

RIGHT? UH-HUH.

YEAH. I'M NOT GOING.

Boys: HEY, DADDY.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR UNIFORMS ON?

I DON'T KNOW.

MELISSA!

OH, MY GOD, FOOTBALL. I'M SORRY, I TOTALLY FORGOT.

BOYS, HURRY UP. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND GET YOUR FOOTBALL STUFF.

I'M SORRY, MY LUNCH WENT UNTIL 2:30 --

I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE LITTLE THING.

YOU KNOW HOW JESSICA IS WITH THIS PARTY STUFF.

IT'S A LOT TO DEAL WITH.

AND THEN I WAS WITH JOE FOR OVER AN HOUR --

SO, LUNCH, SHOPPING, AND PARTY PLANNING?

THAT'S YOUR BIG DAY? OKAY.

HEY!

DADDY, MY CLEATS ARE STUCK TOGETHER.

CLEATS ON IN THE CAR! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

[ CHUCKLING ]

THIS IS CLASSIC.

AND, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE TIME,

IN MY HEAD, I'M TELLING MYSELF,

"JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

BUT THEN MY STUPID ASS JUST HAD TO GET ONE MORE SHOT IN.

DID SHE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?

'CAUSE SHE'S SMALL, BUT SHE'S FAST.

SHE'S LIKE...MNH! NO, NO.

WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I CAME HOME, I PUT THE BOYS TO BED, AND SHE WAS ASLEEP.

THEN I HAD TO LEAVE EARLY FOR THAT WORK SHIT. IT'S JUST...

THAT'S EVEN WORSE NOW, 'CAUSE IT'S BUILDING UP.

IT'S FESTERING, TRUST ME. IT'S FESTERING.

WHEN YOUR BLOOD SUGAR GETS LOW, YOU GET CRANKY, RIGHT?

SO MAYBE IT WAS THAT. I'M NOT GONNA USE MY DISEASE

AS AN EXCUSE.

THAT'S A MISTAKE.

YOU SHOULD BE USING THAT MORE TO GET OUT OF STUFF.

I HAD A SHITTY DAY, OKAY? A PARTICULARLY SHITTY DAY.

AND, YES, I KNOW IT'S WRONG,

BUT I BROUGHT IT HOME AND I TOOK IT OUT ON HER,

AND TONIGHT I WILL APOLOGIZE, OKAY?

OKAY, IF SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT, THEN --

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

YOU SCARED?

LITTLE BIT.

THAT'S JUST HILARIOUS.

HILARIOUS, GUYS!

IT'S DELICIOUS, TERRY.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU.

OH, YEAH? WHY NOT?

BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT 15 MORE IN THE CLOSET,

AND YOU GETTING UPSET IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST TAKE THEIR CRAP?

THE ONLY THING THOSE GUYS RESPECT

IS SELLING CARS AND GETTING LAID.

AND SINCE I'M NOT IN THE GETTING-PEOPLE-LAID BUSINESS...

WHO'S ROD SHERWOOD?

HE'S SENIOR'S OLD AGENT.

HE BUYS A NEW CORVETTE EVERY TWO YEARS,

AND HE ALWAYS PAYS STICKER PRICE.

I GAVE HIM YOUR NAME.

WHY?

BECAUSE JUNIOR'S GOT ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

BESIDES WAITING FOR YOU AND THE REST OF THE GIRLS

TO STOP GIVING EACH OTHER TITTY TWISTERS.

SHERWOOD'S COMING IN AT 5:30.

DON'T SCREW IT UP.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

JESSE, COME ON IN. SHUT THE DOOR.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

THERE A PROBLEM, BOSS?

WELL, YEAH, JESSE. THERE IS.

THERE'S A LOT OF PROBLEMS, ACTUALLY,

BUT, UM, FOR STARTERS, I DON'T SEE WHY

WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT SOME WAY TO GET SALES AND SERVICE

ON THE SAME TEAM.

PROBABLY 'CAUSE THE GUYS IN SALES ARE ASSHOLES.

UM, LOOK, UM, I THINK I MADE A MISTAKE YESTERDAY

TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW TO RUN YOUR SHOP,

AND I APOLOGIZE.

BUT YOU GOT TO SEE THINGS FROM MY SIDE.

I'VE GOT A CUSTOMER THAT'S UNHAPPY. I GOT TO ACT ON THAT.

WELL, CUSTOMERS ONLY GET UNHAPPY

WHEN PEOPLE PROMISE THEM THINGS THEY CAN'T DELIVER.

NEWBIE WANTED TO PLAY THE BIG MAN

AND SHOW HIS CUSTOMER HE COULD PUSH THAT CAR THROUGH.

NOW HE LOOKS BAD, THOREAU LOOKS BAD,

AND, FOR SOME REASON, I'M THE ONE UP HERE

GETTING TALKED TO IN YOUR DADDY'S OFFICE.

RIGHT. AND HE'S NOT

THE WORST ONE.

I MEAN, EVERY DAY, ONE OF THOSE SUITS COMES DOWN

AND TRIES TO SQUEEZE MY GUYS FOR SOME "RUSH JOB."

IF I DON'T STAND UP FOR THEM, NOBODY DOES.

UH, WHY DON'T I GIVE YOU A FEW MORE GUYS,

LIGHTEN THE LOAD SO THINGS DON'T BACK UP?

NO. OUR SHOP HAS ONE OF THE SHORTEST TURNAROUND

TIMES IN THE REGION.

YOU BRING IN NEW HIRES, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THE WORK DRIES UP, AND THEN MY GUYS ARE EYEBALLING ME

'CAUSE I GOT TO CUT THEM TO HALF A DAY.

I DON'T THINK SO.

OKAY, UM...

I GUESS I NEED TO, UH,

DO SOME...MORE THINKING ON THIS.

YEAH, OKAY. OH.

BUT, HEY, LISTEN... DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

I MEAN, WHEN DADDY JUST UP AND HANDS YOU

THE KEYS TO A NEW CAR LIKE THIS,

YOU'RE BOUND TO SCRATCH A QUARTER PANEL OR TWO, RIGHT?

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

MAN: Bruce tell you I was coming?

BRUCE DID TALK TO ME, AND --

I'm running a little late.

WELL,

But you've got the Corvette for me, right?

I'M LOOKING AT HER RIGHT NOW,

AND SHE IS DEFINITELY CHERRY.

Okay. Be there by 8:00.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU THEN. BYE.

HEY, TERR, WE'RE GRABBING SOME BEERS.

YOU IN?

UH, SORRY, FELLAS. GOT PLANS.

HOW ABOUT YOU? MM, GEE, I WAS GONNA

GET MY BURRO DETAILED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

VAMANOS, CHICOS.

LAS CERVEZAS ESTáN ESPERANDO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

KEEP LAUGHING, DICKS.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GO HIT A BUCKET OF BALLS WITH YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ALBERT, COME ON. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU FEELING SHAKY RIGHT NOW?

NO.

LOOK, THE DRIVING RANGE -- IT'S 2 MILES AWAY.

YOU FEEL SOMETHING COMING ON, YOU CALL ME UP,

I COME RIGHT BACK HERE.

10:30, RIGHT? 10:30.

10:30, I'M RIGHT HERE.

LOOK, HOW ABOUT THIS?

HOW ABOUT I'LL TEXT YOU EVERY HOUR,

JUST, YOU KNOW, MAKE SURE YOU'RE DOING OKAY?

YEAH, OKAY. YEAH.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD. YEAH, EVERY HOUR.

10:30.

ON THE DOT.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

HI, HONEY. HEY.

UH, MELISSA?

UM, YESTERDAY WAS A PARTICULARLY HARD DAY FOR ME.

AND, UH, THAT BEING SAID,

IT DOESN'T GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO TREAT YOU THE WAY THAT I DID.

UM, WHAT I SAID TO YOU --

THAT WAS WRONG OF ME.

THANK YOU, SWEETIE.

BUT YOU WEREN'T WRONG.

WHAT?

YES, AT FIRST, I WAS REALLY, REALLY PISSED AT YOU.

AND THEN I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT IT,

AND I REALIZED IT WASN'T YOU I WAS MAD AT.

I WAS MAD THAT YOU WERE RIGHT.

MY -- MY BLOOD SUGAR MIGHT HAVE ALSO BEEN A LITTLE LOW.

OWEN...

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK.

NOW, I KNOW I'VE ALWAYS SAID

THAT IT WASN'T WORTH IT FINANCIALLY,

BUT I THINK -- I THINK THAT WAS JUST MY FEAR TALKING.

I WAS USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE

BECAUSE I WAS SCARED THAT IF I WENT BACK TO WORK,

I WOULDN'T BE A GOOD MOTHER.

NOW I KNOW I'M A GOOD MOTHER.

YOU'RE A GREAT MOTHER.

WELL, REMEMBER, I WAS GONNA GO BACK TO WORK

WHEN THE BOYS STARTED SCHOOL,

BUT THEN TERRY HAD THAT STUPID MOJITO PARTY,

AND THEN NINE MONTHS LATER WE HAD HANA -- WHO WE LOVE,

BUT NOW WE BOTH KNOW WE'RE DONE WITH KIDS.

SO IT'S TIME.

UM, IT'S -- IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO,

BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT IT IS TIME.

DEBBIE COOKE HAS BEEN AFTER ME FOR I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG

TO GET TOGETHER WITH HER,

SO I FIGURED IT MIGHT BE WORTHWHILE

TO SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO OFFER.

DO YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS SENIOR EDITOR OF THAT MAGAZINE NOW?

I MEAN, I TRAINED HER.

YOU KNOW THAT THINGS ARE CRAZY AT THE STORE RIGHT NOW, RIGHT?

AND I CAN'T PROMISE HOW MUCH I'M GONNA BE AROUND --

WEEKENDS OR --

HONEY, I NEED TO DO THIS.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO BE THE MOM

THAT FILLS HER DAY WORRYING ABOUT THE KIDS EATING MAGNETS.

I MEAN, DO YOU GET THAT?

SURE, YEAH.

I GUESS, UM, THE NEXT TIME DEBBIE CALLS,

UM, WE'LL SEE.

WELL, WE'RE HAVING LUNCH TOMORROW.

TOMORROW?

SO, THIS IS JUST HAPPENING?

WELL, HONEY... OBVIOUSLY,

YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND.

[ SCOFFS ]

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU BOTHER TALKING TO ME.

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WE DO.

IT'S JUST NOT A GOOD TIME.

OWEN...

[ MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS ]

Woman: WELL, MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT.

BUT NOW OUR DINNERS ARE A LITTLE TOO EXCITING.

INDICATE MORE, YOU IDIOT.

Alexis: OKAY, I'M HEADING OUT.

OH, ALEXIS, I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY LEFT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW. GOOD NIGHT.

DON'T WORK TOO HARD.

YEAH, DON'T WORRY. I WON'T.

[ BELL CHIMES ]

ARIGATO-O-O!

[ BELL CHIMES ]

YOU FORGET SOME--

TERRY?

[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]

Man: GOOD. LET'S GO AGAIN.

HMM. GOOD.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

VERY GOOD -- NOW, LET'S JUST BE A LITTLE SMOOTHER

THROUGH THE TRANSITION, ALL RIGHT?

Woman on P.A.: ATTENTION, LACORTE'S CUSTOMERS.

THE COFFEE BAR WILL BE CLOSING IN 10 MINUTES.

JUST A MEDIUM COKE, PLEASE.

SORRY. WE JUST HAVE COFFEE.

OH. UM, OKAY.

GIVE ME A TRIPLE ESPRESSO.

AT A QUARTER TO 9:00? WOW.

YOU'RE LIKE A REAL ITALIAN OR SOMETHING.

YEAH, UH, I AM. MY NAME'S TRANELLI.

REALLY? TRANELLI WHAT?

UH...SPAGHETTI.

TRANELLI SPAGHETTI. [ CHUCKLES ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

HEY, DICKLESS. WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M, UH -- I'M AT THE BOOKSTORE. WHY?

HE'S AT THE BOOKSTORE.

DUDE, WHY ARE YOU AT THE BOOKSTORE?

BOOKS ARE GAY.

Okay, listen, Brian Pollard just got into the senior party

'cause his brother's there.

SO? SO YOUR SISTER'S THERE,

RIGHT?

You got to get us in there.

WE CLOSE IN 10, MR. SPAGHETTI.

YOU KNOW, I MUST'VE DRIVEN BY THIS PLACE

EVERY DAY ON MY WAY TO SCHOOL.

HOW WEIRD IS THAT?

A TEACHER. I MEAN, WOW, THAT'S --

11th- AND 12th-GRADE HISTORY. OF COURSE, A LITTLE DRAMA.

SO, I MAKE THE MISTAKE OF MENTIONING

THAT, YOU KNOW, A LONG TIME AGO,

I HAD BEEN IN SOME COMMERCIALS,

SO NEXT THING I KNOW,

ONE OF MY STUDENTS PULLS OUT HIS PHONE.

WE'RE WATCHING YOU AND I.

THEN WE START READING THE COMMENTS.

I SAID TO MYSELF, "I GOT TO LOOK THAT POOR BASTARD UP."

[ CHUCKLES ]

HOW LONG AGO DID WE MAKE THOSE SPOTS?

OH, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT.

YOU KNOW, THE ONLY THING

I REALLY CAN REMEMBER ABOUT THAT SHOOT

WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU SAID TO ME

WAS THAT YOU HAD THIS STRICT POLICY AGAINST DATING ACTORS.

THAT IS NOT THE FIRST THING I SAID.

YES! YES, IT WAS. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT

THAT IS THE FIRST --

AND I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT ASKING YOU OUT.

OHH.

I MEAN, I'M SURE I WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY,

BUT, I MEAN, IT WAS -- WHOA! GEEZ!

AH. THANK YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GET THAT.

OF COURSE.

THOREAU CHEVROLET.

MAN: Is this Terry?

YES, SIR. MR. SHERWOOD?

Yes. Listen, Terry, I'm really jammed up at the office here.

OH, WELL, THAT'S OKAY.

TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED.

I'M PERFECTLY WILLING TO WAIT.

Good. Tell me, Terr, did they Armor All the seats for me?

Bruce knows I like that red leather to glow.

UH, UH, RED?

YOU KNOW, MR. SHERWOOD,

I'M NOT SURE THAT, UM, RED IS AN OPTION ON THE '011s.

Well, you make it an option!

That car's got to have red leather seats,

or my name's not Moses Cockmonkey!

WHAT?

I said, "My name's not Mos--"

[ LAUGHTER ]

I CAN'T. SHIT, I CAN'T.

[ Laughter ]

BRUCE, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

COCKMONKEY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

UNBELIEVABLE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK?

YOU KNOW OUR FAMILY

IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO ME, RIGHT?

YEAH.

AND NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE THAT.

YEAH.

HONEY...

THIS JUST FEELS SO RIGHT TO ME.

YOU'RE FINALLY AT A PLACE TO MAKE THE DEALERSHIP

WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED IT TO BE...

AND NOW I'M GONNA GET BACK TO WHERE I WANT TO BE.

AND TOGETHER WE'RE GONNA HAVE EVERYTHING WE EVER WANTED

BECAUSE WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT AND HELP EACH OTHER,

NO MATTER WHAT.

AND I PROMISE YOU...

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAY.

I'M ALWAYS RIGHT.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

[ GROANS ]

HERE ARE YOUR PLAYING LINES.

LOOK AT THE TOP OF YOUR BACKSWING.

THIS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE.

THIS IS EXCELLENT, OKAY?

AND WE JUST WANT TO SMOOTH IT OUT FROM HERE,

BUT THIS IS VERY NICE.

GREAT LINES.

[ LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

DUDE, THIS IS EPIC. WE DIDN'T EVEN NEED YOU TO GET IN.

YEAH, MAN. COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO.

ALBERT?

Marcus: HEY-O!

MR. COCKMONKEY, LOOKS LIKE YOUR SALESMAN'S HERE

TO DELIVER YOUR CORVETTE, AFTER ALL.

HEY! FELLAS.

THAT WAS GREAT. BRAVO.

I REALLY -- I FELL FOR THAT BIG TIME!

HEY, TERR. UH, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

OH, UH, THIS IS ERIN.

ERIN, THESE ARE THE IDIOTS I WORK WITH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HI.

ERIN PLAYED MY WIFE IN THE COMMERCIAL

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? RIGHT?

I HAVEN'T HER IN, LIKE, FOREVER,

AND TONIGHT I'M SITTING THERE, I'M ALONE, AND THEN BAM!

SO, WHICH ONE OF YOU DO I HAVE TO THANK

FOR THOSE YouTube COMMENTS?

RIGHT HERE.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA

HOW LONG I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS GUY.

ONE IN A MILLION, RIGHT? [ CHUCKLES ]

SEE YA, FELLAS. WE'RE GONNA GO, UH, CATCH UP.

OH, AND, HEY, GETTING DRUNK IS NO EXCUSE

FOR SLEEPING WITH YOUR CO-WORKERS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HOW WAS THAT? WAS IT TOO MUCH?

NO, IT WAS INCREDIBLE. WHY'D YOU EVER QUIT ACTING?

[ LAUGHS ]

I GOT TO GET INTO COMMERCIALS.

KID HITS IT PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

YEAH, HE'S GETTING THERE.

HE'D HAVE WON A SECOND JUNIOR AMATEUR

IF HIS PARENTS HAD CALLED ME SOONER.

[ CHUCKLES ] YEAH, RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

I, UH -- I SAW YOU SWINGING OVER THERE.

YOU'RE A LITTLE BETTER THAN THE AVERAGE RANGE RAT YOURSELF.

YEAH, I PLAY A LITTLE. I'M JUST...

I'M TRYING TO TUNE UP FOR THE SENIOR PRE-QUALIFIER

HERE IN A COUPLE MONTHS, YOU KNOW? JUST --

REALLY? I'M TRYING -- THAT'S ALL.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU STEP IN? I GOT A FEW MINUTES.

OH, MAN, I WOULD LOVE TO.

I JUST -- I GOT TO GET MY KID.

OKAY. ROY PARK.

I'M IN CARLSBAD. I DON'T COME UP HERE A LOT.

I GOT THE KID, A FEW OTHER CLIENTS.

BUT IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THE QUALIFIER

AND YOU WANT TO SET SOMETHING UP, GIVE ME A CALL.

YEAH, I MIGHT DO THAT. I JUST --

OKAY.

WELL, THANK YOU, MAN. HAVE A GOOD ONE.

ALL RIGHT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

[ LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ]

OH, MAN. DAMN IT, THAT'S SWEET!

[ Chuckling ] YEAH.

YOU'RE GETTING YOUR SHOULDER BEHIND THE BALL NOW.

YOU FEEL IT, RIGHT? I DO, I DO.

YOU WERE RIGHT. I WASN'T GETTING MY SHOULDER BEHIND IT.

OH, THAT IS -- OH, SHIT!

OH, 11:40. MAN, I GOT TO GO.

WE WENT A LITTLE LONG, BUT IT WON'T BE THAT WAY EVERY TIME.

YEAH, NO, IT'S MY SON. IF HE DOESN'T SEE ME, HE'S GONNA --

I GOT TO GO. I'M GONNA CALL YOU.

BUT THIS WAS GREAT. THIS WAS GREAT.

THANK YOU.

HERE WE GO.

UGH!

AW, DUDE, YOU SUCK!

I GOT IT.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

HURRY UP. IF FORDHAM SEES YOU UP THERE, HE'LL KILL US.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

OH, SHIT.

COME ON, ALBERT, PICK IT UP. PICK IT UP.

[ Ringing ]

Hey, it's Albert. Leave a message.

Bee-e-e-p!

[ Beep ]

HEY, LISTEN, I'M ON MY WAY.

I'M SORRY, MAN, I JUST GOT A LITTLE TIED UP AT THE RANGE,

BUT I'M GONNA BE THERE IN LIKE TWO MINUTES.

SO I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[ BEEP ]

♪ MY MIND'S SUCH A SWEET THING ♪

♪ I WANNA DO EVERYTHING ♪

♪ WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FEELING ♪

COME ON, COME ON!

[ PANTING ]

♪ CRIMSON AND CLOVER ♪

♪ OVER AND OVER ♪ TURN, ALREADY!

COME ON.

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

♪ OVER AND OVER ♪

ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT YOUR BLINKER ON!

COME ON, COME ON.

ALBERT, ALBERT, BUDDY, I KNOW I'M LATE.

BUT, LISTEN, CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN, BUDDY. IT'S O--

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ MY MIND'S SUCH A SWEET THING ♪

I SWEAR, YOU SAID NO SO MANY TIMES,

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE MAD AT ME.

OH, GOD, NO.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

I JUST COULDN'T GET THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN OF DIAPERS

TO GET TO THE PHONE.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

HONESTLY, I DIDN'T WANT TO GET BACK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING

UNTIL I WAS FULLY READY TO COMMIT.

[ LAUGHS ] IT'S JUST LUNCH, MELISSA.

OH, YEAH, I-I KNOW, BUT...

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, AND I'M FINALLY READY.

I MEAN, NOT TO COME BACK FULL TIME -- WELL, NOT AT FIRST --

BUT -- AND THEN I'M FLEXIBLE. YOU KNOW ME.

OH, MELISSA, I ASSUMED YOU --

I JUST HONESTLY WANTED TO CATCH UP.

OH, GOD. OH!

IF I MISLED YOU, I'M SO SORRY.

I MEAN, IF I COULD, I'D HIRE YOU IN A SECOND.

IT'S JUST THAT THE MAGAZINE IS DYING.

I DON'T EVEN NO HOW MUCH LONGER I'M GONNA BE THERE.

OH, WOW. [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

I'M SORRY. OH! NO, IT'S OKAY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

DO YOU STILL WANT TO HAVE LUNCH?

OH! OF COURSE! OH, GREAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

AND MY TREAT.

OH, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

AFTERNOON, BOSS.

HOW LONG BEFORE THOSE CARS ARE SERVICED AND OUT OF HERE?

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH, THAT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME ANYMORE.

I WANT THREE MORE TECHS IN HERE BY NEXT WEEK.

WHAT?

HO-- WAIT, HOLD IT. OWEN, I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

YEAH, WE DID. YOU TOLD ME HOW PROUD YOU WERE OF OUR

GARAGE'S QUICK TURNAROUND.

YOU DON'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE OUR REP, DO YOU?

Man: MR. THOREAU, YOUR WIFE IS CALLING!

I'LL CALL HER FROM THE OFFICE!

THREE. MONDAY.

HEY. I TOLD YOU, MY GUYS ARE NOT GONNA BE OKAY WITH THAT.

THIS IS YOUR SHOP. MAKE THEM OKAY WITH IT.

AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?

TOTALLY UNFAIR.

OH, REALLY? REALLY? UNFAIR?

MAYBE NEXT TIME DON'T LIE ABOUT PARENTS BEING THERE!

I DIDN'T KNOW!

YOU DIDN'T LEAVE, EITHER, THOUGH, DID YOU?

Albert: DAD. WHAT?

[ SIGHS ] LIKE I SAID, I BARELY EVEN HAD ONE BEER.

WHICH IS "BARELY EVEN" ONE MORE THAN YOU CAN HAVE.

ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEER NOW?

DID SOME NEW THING GET APPROVED THAT I FORGOT?

YOU WENT TO A PARTY. THERE WERE NO PARENTS THERE.

YOU DRANK. YOU LIED.

DAD, I SAID I'M SORRY!

ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'RE GONNA SEE HOW SORRY YOU ARE,

BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONE WEEK NOW OF NOTHING -- NOTHING --

NO COMPUTER, NO FACEBOOKING, NONE OF THAT CRAP.

ONE WEEK.

AND YOUR HOT-DOG FRIENDS WHO TOOK YOU TO THAT PARTY,

YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO THEM FOR A WEEK, TOO.

NOBODY TOOK ME, DAD.

REED AND WES WERE THERE ALREADY.

EVERYBODY WAS THERE BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW LAME THE DANCE IS.

OH, SO, BY YOURSELF, YOU JUST WENT TO THE PARTY?

YES!

WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER, OKAY?!

YOU CAN'T DO THIS STUFF! YOU CAN'T!

END OF STORY!

ALL RIGHT.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION ]

I'M SORRY, BABY.

YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

[ RINGING STOPS ]

[ CELLPHONE THUDS ]

I MEAN, WOULD IT MAKE ME MORE COMFORTABLE...

TO KNOW THAT THE KIDS

WOULD HAVE YOU AT HOME WHEN THEY NEEDED YOU?

YEAH. BUT YOU KNOW...

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT ANYWAY.

APPARENTLY WHILE I WAS OFF MAKING BABIES,

THE ENTIRE WORLD WENT TO CRAP.

LISTEN TO ME.

THERE ARE OTHER JOBS OUT THERE.

AND YOU ARE GOING TO GET ONE OF THEM.

YOU KNOW WHY?

WHY?

BECAUSE...

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ SIGHS ]

IF YOU SAY SO.