Original subtitles

MAN: The essence of life isn't comic.

It's tragic.

I mean, there's nothing intrinsically funny

about the terrible facts of human existence.

Oh, I disagree.

I mean, you know, philosophers call it absurd

because, in the end, all you can do is laugh.

Human aspirations are so ludicrous

and, and, and irrational. Well...

I mean, if the underlying reality of our being was tragic,

my plays would make more than yours at the box office

because my stories would resonate more profoundly

with the human soul.

Ah, I mean,

it's exactly because tragedy hits

on the truly painful essence of life

that people run to my comedies...

for escape.

No. No, no. Look, no, wait.

I mean, tragedy confronts. Comedy escapes.

Look, you guys

what are you, what are we discussing here?

Is, uh, is there a deeper reality in comedy or tragedy?

Who can even make such a judgment?

Look, let,

let me tell you a story, and you tell me,

is it material for a comedy or a tragedy?

This happened to some people I know.

Okay, it's a small dinner party.

The hosts are trying to impress one of their guests.

Suddenly,

the doorbell rings.

And out of nowhere, an unexpected person shows up.

A man or a woman? A woman.

I'll give you all the details,

and you tell me: comedy or tragedy.

So, the guest enters, and everyone is surprised,

especially the host.

Turns out, she's got a particular problem...

My God, that's quite amusing.

I mean, she barges in unannounced

while they're eating.

What you told us would make a very good romantic comedy.

Well, that's because you see the world comically.

But you're missing the tragic implications,

the entanglements it suggests.

No, I see, I see the whole thing quite differently.

I see this lone figure,

a woman who's maybe just come off a bus.

She's toting a suitcase.

Maybe she's searching nervously for an address.

WOMAN : Hello?

Who is it?

Hello?

Hello...?

Can I help you, miss?

Um, the Springers.

Top floor.

JACK: It's really good.

PETER It's beautiful.

These speakers are wonderful.

Yeah, you really do pick up

every little nuance of the orchestra; it's great.

Tell me again why I can't have a glass of white wine.

Every pregnancy, she asks the same question.

This is the, uh, "Concerto in D."

Yes!

My God, you really know your Stravinsky.

Yeah, this would be good theme music for the play.

LAUREL: Lee?

That's a brilliant idea.

I need a little help with the final touches.

Can you get the two big serving dishes?

Can we go with dinner already?

I'm running out of obsequious banter.

Well, how's it going?

Well, he says he thinks I'm perfect for the part,

but the goddamn producer wants more of a name.

I don't understand why they make such a big deal.

I mean, you said your reading went well,

and, I mean, it's not like it's the lead.

First time I auditioned, it went better.

When they had me back, I don't know what happened.

And I know it's not the lead, Laurel.

Doesn't he have any clout?

They want a name. I'm not a name.

You didn't marry a name.

Sally was just saying how much she loves your place.

How long are you here?

LAUREL: Six months.

I mean, we're still not finished.

There's so much we'd like to do.

We have to furnish slowly,

'cause we used up all our money buying the place.

Oh, you must admit we couldn't go on

in that one bedroom.

The piano ate up the whole living room.

We're living beyond our means.

I get nervous.

But Laurel is certain God will provide.

They're poor, but happy.

Definitely poor.

What do you do, Peter?

I'm a lawyer. Ah.

No jokes, please.

Think the music's a little too loud?

I saw you the other night,

listening to the Mahler and crying.

You should've seen her. It was 2:00 A.M.

She was listening to Mahler's Second,

and the tears were streaming down her face.

She looked so beautiful.

I wanted to hug her. Uh-huh.

Yeah, but I had to get up early

and film a deodorant commercial, so...

Oh. Well, that's work at least, right?

Oh, no, I think someone rang before.

Yeah? Did you hear that?

So how do you all know each other?

What's the connection here?

Oh, we grew up together, Cassie and I.

We were those little girls at school

with the plaid skirts.

Ah, nice.

And Lee and I met at Northwestern.

He was the star actor, the handsome athlete.

Everybody wanted him.

But Laurel got him.

Melinda?

Hi.

Melinda?

Hi.

Melinda, hi.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, God.

Cassie. Oh.

I'm, I'm stunned.

Here, let me take these.

God, look at you.

You look so...

No, don't.

Don't, don't say what you're thinking.

I've, I've been on a bus.

I've been on a Greyhound bus since Tuesday,

so I'm sure I look like the wreck of the Hesperus.

Um, a bus, a bus from where?

I mean, what, what are you doing here?

I've moved around.

Um, I had to keep moving.

It, events unfolded in such a way that...

Is it all right if I smoke?

I just...

feel a little nervous barging in on you like this.

Well, why don't you sit down and eat with us?

This is Jack and Sally Oliver.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Melinda Robicheaux.

Gone back to my mother's name.

It's French. She was Parisienne.

Jesus, you must have dropped off

the goddamn moon.

Shall I get a chair?

I could use a drink.

Champagne or white wine.

The truth is, I've gotten very used to

single malt scotch.

An acquaintance of mine introduced me to it.

So, um, I really should freshen up, though, um...

If I could just get a single malt scotch.

And, uh, look at me.

Jesus. I need a hot shower.

LAUREL: Yeah, okay, um, please.

Um, excuse us.

Please start.

This is just so unexpected.

I'll say.

You had no hint she was coming?

She was nuts then, and she's nuts now.

Did you see the look in her eyes?

She's been on a bus.

You were just asking how we all know each other.

Melinda is the third Musketeer.

We all went to school together.

We haven't heard from her in ages.

Yeah, she's had personal difficulties.

She wrote us and said she'd be coming to New York

from I can't remember where, Chicago or Indiana,

and, uh, could we put her up?

Laurel said sure.

I myself, I...

This is not the time to discuss this.

Let's just eat and, uh, change the subject.

Well, I mean, what can you do?

We've all had friends just drop in unannounced. Relatives.

Remember your aunt with the...

I put up an extra bed.

You know, I fix up the room for her.

Meanwhile, she doesn't show when she says she's gonna show.

So, we try to contact her. There's no trace of her.

Then two months later, she calls up unannounced

in the middle of a fricking dinner party.

Am I unreasonable?

COMEDIAN: No, no.

No, you're missing the whole point.

You have the makings of a delightful human comedy here.

You missed the humor in everything.

I see a sweet, tree-lined block on the Upper East Side.

It's a dinner party.

The husband is fawning over his guest.

He's a movie-maker.

No. Wait.

Here's the idea.

Make the film director the wife.

He's just her out-of-work actor-husband.

She's trying to impress the guest

and raise the money for an independent film.

I was just telling Jennifer

that Steve has expressed interest

in investing in Susan's next movie.

Oh... Yeah,

I have most of the money.

I, I've, um, I've just,

I've been trying to get it going now for two years.

Oh, I liked your first picture. Oh, thank you.

Would you do this one on video, too? Oh, no.

That was just because it was my first film,

and we only had $300,000.

But this one will be on 35-millimeter for sure.

Well, how much do you need?

Well, I've raised about four million.

And, um, we need another two million now.

The problem is the theme is quite controversial, so...

Oh, yeah, what's the theme?

Well, let's put it this way:

it's a mostly all-female cast,

and it's called The Castration Sonata.

Uh-huh.

So, you wouldn't happen to have single malt scotch around?

Oh, you know, let me check. Okay.

Hurry up.

I'm running out of obsequious banter.

Okay. Well, don't throw me.

Everything's timed.

Chilean sea bass in caramelized filo

is not like scrambled eggs.

Well, he happens to love it.

Does he love it two million dollars worth?

God, I hope so.

I told you we should keep single malt scotch in this house.

Who drinks it? He does.

God, you're definitely going all out.

You're dressed very sexy.

Hobie, keep your eyes on the sea bass!

Okay, okay, okay.

COMEDIAN: She goes down to buy a bottle of single malt scotch.

Um, are you okay?

Oh. Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

What are we having? This looks divine.

These are Coquilles Saint-Jacques with salmon,

And we're having a Chilean sea bass

in a caramelized filo pastry...

Wow.

...lightly dusted with lime powder.

Oh, my God. Did somebody send you a yuppie cookbook?

No.

Susan says you're a wonderful chef.

I'm an out-of-work actor

who should probably open a restaurant.

SUSAN: Who's that?

WOMAN: Hi.

HOBIE: Hi.

I'm sorry. I hope I'm not intruding.

No, it's, it's okay.

Um, I've been having a-a kind of bad time,

and I just took some sleeping pills.

Sleeping pills? How many?

WOMAN: Um...

twenty-eight.

Whoa! Call 911!

No, stay and just eat.

It's gonna get cold.

Sit. Just stay and eat.

It's okay. It's okay.

Hobie, make some black coffee. You all right?

Okay, okay.

Um... I'm allergic to coffee, but do you have any vodka?

Vodka?

WOMAN AT TABLE: Maybe we should call the doctor.

It's okay. I-I just need something to calm my nerves.

Do you live in this building?

I've been subletting for the past month. Oh!

WOMAN AT TABLE: I think somebody should call a doctor.

Careful.

Um, I think, I think I'm gonna be sick.

No, throw up! That's the best thing

if you've had pills. No, no, no!

Not on the carpet. That's a new carpet.

Go to the bathroom.

I smell smoke. Can you smell smoke?

Oh, God!

The Chilean sea bass, lightly dusted with lime!

Should you be taking those pills?

You didn't have any dinner.

Mm.

If I don't, I can't sleep.

Well, Cassie's put on weight.

Not that I'd ever say anything to her.

Cassie's pregnant.

Again?

Well, they swear they're stopping at three children.

For me, two is just the right number.

Is there any word?

No, there's none. There's nothing.

Now, I don't want you to get panicky,

but I am planning on staying, but just for a while.

I just need to find a place and settle in

and rebuild my career.

And you did say that you had enough room to put me up.

Well, we were surprised when you never showed up over the summer.

We had everything all ready.

Lee had gotten your room in order.

Yeah, I apologize for that.

I was going through a kind of confused down period.

And I was worried.

Lee couldn't figure out how to get in contact with you.

I had no idea you were using different names.

What happened? I thought the worst was over.

Can I speak openly?

Well, of course.

I tried to commit suicide.

: You didn't.

I did, and it wasn't a half-hearted attempt.

It wasn't a cry for help.

But why? I thought everything that happened was past.

I thought you'd pulled yourself together.

Because that's what I wrote you.

And some days I honestly thought it.

But, in the end, I just,

I couldn't take it anymore.

Melinda.

You didn't find me because I was indisposed.

And, if you've never been in a state mental hospital,

languishing in a straitjacket, I wouldn't recommend one.

Especially not the one I was in, in the Midwest.

I'm overwhelmed.

Are you okay? I mean...

I'm, I'm all right. I'm on the road back.

I'm still... a little fragile when everything closes in,

but I get stronger every day.

Well, you know, you're welcome to stay here

as long as you like.

There. I fixed up a room for her.

How long is she gonna stay?

Why?

Because we promised my sister

she could come and stay for Thanksgiving.

Well, Thanksgiving's not for a while.

Well, I-I'm just saying.

What? I can't just throw her out.

She's trying to pull her life back together, Lee.

Ah, she's her own worst enemy.

Oh, you don't know the details.

Details

She was married to some big doctor.

She had two nice kids.

What was she doing playing around with...

what the hell was he?

He was a photographer.

Melinda.

Lee's right. Whatever I went through,

I'm responsible for.

Look, we've all been drinking, and we're really tired. It's...

No, he's right.

I was married to a man who loved me

and gave me the two most beautiful children in the world.

That I'm not allowed to set eyes on them

is just proof of my weakness and my husband's strength.

No, it's disgusting how much influence he had on the judge.

It's who you know, Laurel.

Life is all networking.

I brought it on myself.

Because I was bored.

I mean, not bored with my children.

God, they were the light of my life.

But I was bored being a doctor's wife.

Just as my mother was bored being a doctor's wife.

Like Madame Bovary.

It's not that St. Louis isn't very beautiful.

It's just that...

everything that had seemed so...

magical when I married Josh had somehow just melted away.

It was okay, you know.

And, no matter what I did,

I couldn't make it any better.

And then this man with a romantic name--

John San Giuliano...

took my photograph...

and...

I fell in love with him.

And we began having this love affair.

And he wanted to know if I could see myself living in Italy,

and I said, "Well, look, Mr. San Giuliano,

"I'm married to a surgeon with two children.

"My life is fixed, so don't ask me to tax my imagination.

"Let's just confine our passion

"to local motels and forget Capestrano."

And then... reality set in

in the person of a private detective

with the unlikely name of Woodkrutch.

And my children were handed over

to my humiliated husband forever.

Mr. San Giuliano took me on a safari

to help me forget things.

But I, I can't forget no matter how hard I try.

Then he met someone else.

Stop, Melinda.

Why? It only gets worse.

So that's pretty much how I got here.

My God. That's a sad story.

Guy leads her on, causes her to break up her marriage

then dumps her.

I caught him in bed with one of his models.

I mean, who can blame him?

She was a six-foot Swede who was a Miss World runner-up.

Her legs started at her chin.

See, that's why my film The Castration Sonata,

puts male sexuality in perspective.

It's lucky you didn't have children.

He could have made custody trouble,

especially if he was so well-connected politically.

I always wanted to have children.

But my husband wouldn't hear of it.

He said he couldn't bear the thought

of having sex with a pregnant woman

for nine months... especially the fat months.

STEVE: So, what are you going to do now?

I'm an art historian.

Ah...

At least, that's what I majored in at Brandeis.

And I may be getting offered a job in an art gallery.

It's only cataloging,

but I'm in no position to turn it down.

HOBIE: Anyone for more ants

climb a tree before I throw it in the garbage?

No. No, thanks.

I can't eat another bite.

Dinner was delicious.

Sorry about burning the sea bass,

a-and the kitchen curtains.

I apologize.

Well, I'm sorry about busting in on you all like that.

Oh, no, no, no.

We, we love it when unexpected women barge in

and, and throw up.

Uh, I-I-I'm kidding.

I hope tonight didn't kill my chances

of getting my movie made.

No, no, I-I think Steve Walsh was okay.

I-I-I told him I was gonna play

one of the male characters in the movie.

What did he say? Nothing.

We-we discussed acting.

I told him about my award-winning interpretation

of Pygmalion.

Hobie, that was in college.

Still, I-I-I thought it was a brilliant idea

to play Henry Higgins with a limp.

God, I hate being an assistant director.

After you've made your own film?

The sad thing is, is he could have my movie happen like that.

What's two million dollars to a real estate billionaire?

The upkeep of his private jet is probably worth more than that.

He was very impressed with you,

and, and you looked very sexy.

Really? You thought I looked sexy?

Yeah. You are sexy.

You really... you're very sexy.

Hobie, it's 2:00 A.M.

Oh... what, what's going on?

Wait, we al...

We used to make love all the time,

and-and now there's always an excuse.

I told you I am going

through an emotionally difficult time creatively.

Do... eh...

you feel like we don't communicate anymore?

Of course we communicate.

Now can we not talk about it?

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I saw these the other day.

I think they would look very beautiful on you.

They are beautiful.

But you know Lee.

He gets so crazy about my spending.

How's he doing?

You're not hurting for cash, are you?

He's on tenterhooks about the play.

But we're fine, you know.

He's got a number of irons on the fire,

some very promising possibilities.

I have a very good prospect for Melinda.

A job prospect?

A guy.

Remember Bud Silverglide?

No. Have I met him?

Yeah. Remember we had Thanksgiving dinner at my house,

and he brought his little girl, Emily?

Emily, I don't... Emily...?

His wife had died the year before?

Oh, yes, I sat next to him.

He's kind of average

He's fine.

He'd be perfect.

He's a very lovely guy.

He's smart.

He's been through his share of suffering.

If it ever got really serious,

Melinda would have a ready-made family.

You think he's right for Melinda?

I mean, I remember him as pleasant enough, but...

Laurel, she should be so lucky.

He's got a very successful dental practice in Manhattan.

He plays bridge.

He likes to hike.

You think he'd be interested in Melinda...

especially when her past unfolds?

Yes, I know, she's in no bargaining position,

not when all the facts come out.

Look, I can only bring them together.

It's not like he's the kind of guy

who would ever wind up hurting her.

That means a lot.

Left to her own devices,

Melinda can be very self-destructive.

But Bud is sweet, and I know he's lonely

because he's taken ads in the personal columns to meet women.

Don't tell Melinda that.

Peter's checking into her custody case

to see if it's really a lost cause.

Well, I told her to meet us here for lunch.

She should be here after her job interview.

Should we sit?

I don't know. Can we take this table?

Thanks.

I know it's here somewhere.

Ah, we've got this houseguest living here.

Everything's messed up, you know?

I wish she would check with me before she moves my possessions.

I love your loft.

It's really amazing.

Here we are.

An essay on Desdemona's role in Othello.

The scene I think you should do in our next class

is the Desdemona scene I gave you,

the one we talked about yesterday.

You really think I'm ready for it?

I do.

I told you before, you're among

the two or three most talented students in my class,

and the sooner you start challenging yourself, the better.

You're the only one who makes me feel

confident enough to take chances.

Aren't you nervous

bringing me back to your apartment?

That's okay.

My wife's shopping,

and then she's going to lunch.

She's always shopping and lunching.

She grew up shopping and lunching.

Her mother shopped and lunched,

and her grandmother.

You shouldn't really drink so early in the day.

Shopping and lunching is what you get

when you marry a Park Avenue princess.

What does your wife do?

Besides shopping?

She teaches tin-eared teenagers

at a music school several days a week.

You know, it's funny, but...

life has a malicious way of dealing with great potential.

Hi.

I just got back from my job interview.

I... I don't think it went too well. So...

Just stopped off for a little pick-me-up.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna go meet Laurel and Cassie for lunch

in our old neighborhood.

I'm just gonna go freshen up.

The park hasn't changed a bit.

Not at all.

It brings back so many memories.

Oh, those days are gone when the three of us

thought we could call the shots.

What I wouldn't give to wake up

and find my whole life has been a bad dream

and we're all still 17.

Tell me about it.

Well, you wouldn't change anything.

I mean, your life

is pretty much on track, right?

Well, the question's not fair.

I mean, who wouldn't profit

from a second go

So, what about Bud Silverglide?

The Park Avenue dentist

with the charming little daughter?

He's a wonderful guy.

If anything ever did happen and you-you hit it off,

you could establish something real and solid,

not more unrealistic pipe dreams

that can't help but wind up badly.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did that come out harsh?

The truth is, I'm nervous.

I want to meet someone so desperately,

but when the chance comes along,

I just... I panic.

Look, it won't be a date.

I'll make a dinner party,

and we'll all be there to support you, and...

and I'll invite a number of nice guests,

and, and he'll be one of the guests,

and, if you meet and hit it off,

then great, and, if not, then no obligation.

Yeah, when he hears my story...

Oh, my God, I come with such baggage.

Well, don't go in with a defeatist attitude.

Yeah. I mean, first see if you even like him.

Yeah, well, if he's as nice as Cassie's painting him... .

He's a good catch,

if I can speak pragmatically.

Especially for you, 'cause he's got his feet on the ground.

If I find him at all attractive,

I think I should just tell him my whole story right off.

O-Or do you think it's better to wait?

Let him take the hook first

and then run with it?

Oh, God, I can't believe I'm even s..., um, asking this.

I'm-I'm already strategizing.

I haven't even met this guy yet.

If we're gonna do this, though,

it has to be completely informal,

'cause I can't handle it any other way.

I don't have any dressy clothes anyhow.

Funny part of that is, as elegant as I can look--

and you know, I can look pretty stylish--

um, men find women sexier in casual attire.

It's true.

I could wear my hair down and loose.

That's enticing already.

At least, it's not intimidating.

Uh, you haven't told him anything about me, have you?

I can if you like.

No. No.

My sad tale should come from my lips,

if and when I choose to reveal it.

Cut!

Okay, great. That was great. It was great.

Uh, you know, you took the note great.

Print one and six, please. Yeah.

That was good.

You got it? Yeah, I got it.

Okay. Hey, everybody, that's lunch. One hour! Thank you!

Hey, are you gonna join us?

We're gonna go get a pizza at John's.

No, I'm meeting a friend.

You know what? Tell the actors

we're gonna do scene 10 instead of 26.

Okay. We're doing scene 10 instead of 26.

Hey. Hey.

How are ya? Should we just sit here?

Yeah.

So

Doug says that Steve Walsh

is very inclined to put up the money.

He very much likes your script,

and he wants to have lunch with you.

Oh, my God, fantastic!

Yeah, it looks really good.

He did express some concern

that you intended for Hobie to play the psychiatrist.

You know, he wants a name.

I understand.

It's gonna be kind of a touchy subject at home

because, I mean, the truth is, he'd make the perfect shrink,

and... he knows it,

but let's face it, he's not a name,

and I want people to see my movie, too, so...

Well, I'm sure that you guys will figure it out,

and I think it's very exciting.

Oh, by the way, Doug and I know somebody

who would be perfect for Melinda,

your downstairs neighbor who crashed dinner last week.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Remember Greg Earlinger?

No. Yes, Doug's dentist.

You met him with us once.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's...

And he has a great sports car.

The Bentley.

He's single and available,

and I know she would find him fascinating

because he's smart, he's sensitive...

What makes you think he'd be interested in her?

She seemed quite pretty, and she's offbeat,

and Greg always likes complicated women.

Doug has already hyped him on her.

Ask her if we can give him her number. Okay?

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Melinda.

Hey.

Hi. Hi.

Uh, my friend Walt.

Walt, this is Melinda.

Hey. Hi.

How are you? Nice to meet you.

How's it going?

Oh. All right.

I just interviewed for a job at an art gallery

and I-I don't think it went too well.

You never know.

I-I had a voice-over audition this morning.

Thought I'd never get it.

Bang, I was chosen.

It's the voice of a toothpaste.

Well, that's good.

You know, I'm trying to decide whether I should stay and wait

for the phone call or whether I should go out

and treat myself to a movie.

Why don't you come with us?

Where?

We're going to the track.

To the track?

Yeah. Horse races.

Belmont.

What? You play the horses?

Uh, never.

Well, I-I go every ten years.

Walt's, Walt's always going.

He's a gambling degenerate.

WALT: Thank you. Yes.

Can't you tell I'm a degenerate?

I'm a complete novice like you.

Come on.

It's a, it's a beautiful day.

We'll have some laughs.

Um, sure, I-I don't have any money.

Uh, I've, I've got plenty of money...

for both of us.

We'll pool our resources... if you want.

Okay. All right.

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

MELINDA: Come on!

You can do it! Come on, Bedazzled!

Bedazzled! Come on, Bedazzled!

No, no. You did not bet on Bedazzled!

I bet on Bedazzled. Oh, no.

He's a 90-to-1 horse!

I know, but if it wins, we're rich.

No, he's right, Hobie.

He's dropping back.

No, no, no, no, no. He's second.

He's second, he's second... second from last. He's...

So, I have to ask you, how did you go from living

on the Upper East Side to

I moved there for him.

He was gorgeous.

He was talented.

He was sexy.

He was a doctor.

He was charming.

Yes, but where is the attraction?

He just knew how to touch me.

You mean emotionally?

No, with his hands.

Oh.

I'm a very passionate person,

so sex is very important to me.

You know, I need a lot of physical intimacy, very often and creatively.

Right. Right, right, right, right, right.

No, that's, that's, yeah.

Am I being too frank?

No, no, no. No, I-I, you're just... uh, I'll be okay.

I just get... I get hot flashes.

Well, your wife is very passionate.

I can tell just by looking at her.

Right. Right.

A lot of people have noticed.

Wh-Why did your marriage fail again?

He was cheating with his secretary.

I felt neglected,

so I started seeing someone else.

I just want to find someone,

fall in love and have a life.

* *

Hello!

Hey!

Guess what!

What?

Steve Walsh is gonna put up the money for my film.

Oh, that's great. Congratulations.

Yeah. So, if I'm suddenly very busy and distracted,

just don't take it personally.

All right.

And we have to talk about casting.

Yes. What'd you do today?

Oh, uh, I, uh, told you.

I went, uh, went out to the track.

Oh, yeah. With who again?

With who? With me, with me.

With me, uh... me and Walt.

Walt, Walt Wagner.

Well, I hope you didn't lose a lot.

No. We, we don't have a lot, so I couldn't.

In fact, uh, if I, if I had more money,

we, we, we could have lost more.

It's a, it's a system I developed.

What's wrong with you?

Why couldn't you just tell her Melinda came along?

What did you just

say about Melinda?

What, what, no, what would I say about Melinda?

I didn't, I didn't say anything about Melinda.

You just muttered her name.

Oh, that. No, I just was wondering

how the poor thing's doing.

You know, plain- looking girl, all alone...

I'd hardly call her plain-looking.

Well, I mean, you know.

Jennifer wants to set her up with someone.

Jennifer? Yeah.

Remember Greg Earlinger, Doug's dentist?

We met him once.

He's, he's a tall, sexy, handsome-looking guy.

The Bentley, very well-off.

Charming, bright.

You commented on how impressive he was.

I, I... Vaguely. I...

Well, anyway, Doug's hyped him on Melinda.

Yeah, I think. Why?

I-I do recall him.

Was-wasn't he kind of full of himself, though?

Kind of an unjustified self

As I recall, it was pretty justified.

Right. One, one of those guys

who has an answer for everything.

I'm just gonna call Melinda and make sure it's okay

if we give him her number.

N-No. No, no, don't. Don't be silly.

What, what does she want to do with a dentist?

I mean, she was already married to a-a doctor.

She found that dull.

A dentist is the same thing, but oral.

Greg's not dull.

He hikes. He's a great bridge player.

Tennis. He goes on safaris.

Well, it sounds... I mean, safar...

Who goes on safaris?

Shh-shh-shh.

You need shots to do that.

Shh-shh. Melinda, hey, it's Susan.

How are you?

Why are you doing this?

Good. Listen, I was wondering

if it was okay with you if we, uh, give your number

to this wonderful, available guy.

Don't. No, I'm not giving the number out.

Don't say that I'm giving the number.

I kn... He's a very rich dentist.

He's cultivated and athletic.

He's gorgeous-looking.

This is a bad. "Gorgeous dentist" is an oxymoron, by the way.

And, um... yeah.

No, there's nothing to be nervous about.

Look, we'll all go out, the four of us.

We'll go to, um, we'll go to dinner

or we'll go to a show or something.

I don't think you'll be sorry.

I think she's never, ever gonna go for it. Ever.

Okay, great.

Not in a million years. Fantastic.

Okay, bye.

She loves the idea.

Mm-hmm.

I told you.

Hi. What are you doing down here?

I got it. I got the part.

The director just kept insisting.

And the producers finally gave in.

Oh, that's great, Lee.

Finally, a role I can make sing.

This is a big shot for me, Laurel.

I know.

Well, you're certainly a natural for the character.

Well, why would you say that?

Well, you said it like a hundred times.

I said I could act the hell out of it.

The character's a loser as written.

Let's not fight about this.

I just meant that nobody can play the part like you can.

You see me like that, don't you?

Lee.

I'm asking: is that how you see me?

Lee, I'm really, really happy for you.

I know how much you wanted this.

Can't we just leave it at that?

I, I, I'm wired.

I didn't mean to seem snappish.

Should we go out to dinner and celebrate?

Well, aren't you forgetting?

Tonight's Cassie's party.

Oh, yeah, right.

Okay. Jesus.

Well, I think it's time Melinda met someone, moved on.

I'd like a little privacy in the apartment.

Okay.

I've got a couple of options.

Mm-hmm.

I could wear...

I can wear this skirt...

with this shirt... like this.

This goes round the other way... like this.

And I could wear it with this shirt here. What do you think?

Oh, I think the silk one is sexier,

but this one's really elegant.

You think the silk one's sexier?

So maybe I should just wear this.

You know, sex works best in the end.

Men like to feel there's some kind of hot payoff

waiting for 'em somewhere down the track.

God, look at me. I'm so fat.

Fat?

Melinda, everyone should be so fat.

I didn't eat anything since Friday.

I wanted to lose six pounds by tonight. Look at me.

It's not healthy.

An empty stomach and all those pills, and...

I don't know. Maybe this is better.

I mean, maybe sex is too predatory a message to send,

and elegance is a wiser opening gambit.

I don't think it matters much.

I mean, you look great either way.

Doesn't she, Lee?

LEE: Oh, yeah. Very stylish.

Look at me. I'm just, I'm, I'm fat.

I can't lose any weight.

I, I think I need another drink.

Yeah.

Alcohol is fattening.

Can you make it a vodka?

Plus an empty stomach with pills?

No, vodka's not fattening.

I mean, just, I just need something to calm me down

just to make me feel a little more confident.

I've got these goddamn circles under my eyes.

You look fine.

That's easy for you to say, Laurel,

because you're still beautiful.

But, I mean, just look at me.

I feel like I'm running on empty.

I don't want to go.

Oh, Melinda.

I mean, really, honestly, I don't want to go to this thing.

Come on. It's just a little party with friends.

How did I wind up desperate?

Because that's what I am, Laurel.

There's no other word.

You're a catch, Melinda.

For the right man, you really are.

Falling in love is going to work wonders for you.

Hey, congratulations.

I hear Lee got that part.

Oh, we're very excited.

No one at school ever played the classics like Lee.

They still talk about the Strindberg series that he did.

Yes, well, he's really held himself back

from commercial work

because he's, he's got such high standards.

You know, he won't do anything just for the money.

Yeah.

I knew that director would have his way,

and he wanted you.

Well... my agent's bringing some film people to the opening,

'cause there's talk of a project in California.

Hmm. Well, I'd drink to your good fortune,

but vodka's not good for Samantha.

It's going to be a girl.

Cassie, I, I never slept with a pregnant woman before.

No?

No. It always struck me as so erotic, you know?

Doing it with your big belly.

Oh, Peter says it's just like screwing any fat person.

I don't suppose he'd lend you out to me

just, just for one night

so I could satisfy a lifelong lustful curiosity?

Why don't you just get Laurel pregnant?

And then you wouldn't need to make arrangements

for a loaner.

Well, maybe if things work out now, you know,

we can start to think about it.

I always wanted to have kids.

Right. Just knock her up,

and then you can make love to her in all the trimesters.

If you knew how much I wanted to do it with you in your gravid condition,

you'd do it, just out of human kindness.

It's too late.

Ball was in your court years ago,

and you ran in another direction.

Hey, how's our matchmaking going?

They seem to be hitting it off pretty well.

Peter, what's it like to sleep with a pregnant woman?

Have you ever made love

with a loser at Weight Watchers?

Didn't I tell you?

BUD: The great thing about hiking is you're free.

You feel free.

You're up there in the mountains or in the woods,

and, um, it's beautiful, almost religious.

And I am not religious.

Eh, certainly not after Dorothy passed away.

That must have been really tough on your daughter.

I've, um, I've tried to explain it all to Emily,

including the whole religious aspect, but, uh...

what the hell-- she's four.

I, I just don't want her to, um, be angry at God

or against religion.

I, I want her to be happy and...

educate herself and make her own decisions about the...

big questions.

Look, Melinda, um, I'd love to call you.

Maybe we could spend some time

getting to know one another.

I know you, you just returned to New York,

but it's really changed.

I'd be glad to show you around.

Uh, to tell you the truth, Bud,

I don't really think I'm ready to go out yet.

I don't think it would be fair to you.

Maybe when I'm a little more settled.

Sure.

At your leisure.

I understand.

Uh, oh, Jesus.

Emily's with a new sitter tonight,

and, of course, I'm a basket case.

Oh, that's very sweet.

Um, would you excuse me?

Laurel, you know this one.

Play.

I can't.

He plays so beautifully.

Hey, yeah. Come on.

Come on.

Take over.

You're wonderful.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you.

I'm just going to get a drink.

Oh, that's okay.

I was just rubbing this lamp, hoping to change my life.

Well, I believe in magic.

In the end, I think it's the only thing

that can save us.

You're the piano player.

Not anymore. I'm on a break.

A mysterious stranger has, uh, temporarily taken over,

and I must say she plays beautifully.

Hey, are your eyes misting over?

This song-- it's meaningful to me.

It was playing the night I met someone.

So, are they tears of sorrow or tears of joy?

Well, aren't those the same tears?

Yeah.

Why is it that things that start off so promisingly

always have a way of ending up in the dumper?

Not for everyone.

Well, for anybody with any imagination.

You know, life is manageable enough

if you keep your hopes modest.

The minute you allow yourself sweet dreams,

you run the risk of them coming crashing down.

Believe me.

There's plenty of old songs that I cry over.

My name's Melinda.

Melinda Robicheaux.

It's French.

That is a very beautiful name.

Thank you. It's my mother's.

She married a doctor-- Nash. So I grew up Nash.

But I've changed it to her name.

And that is a wise choice.

It's very musical.

My name is Ellis Moonsong.

I am from Harlem, USA.

Ellis Moonsong.

Is that really your name?

Yes, it is.

Let's go and sit down.

It's wonderful.

You also play beautifully.

Well, you know, one thing I could always do

was make music.

I can, I can play all the instruments,

but my, my, my specialty is composition.

I've written, uh, two operas.

One was done at Yale

and, I'm proud to say, successfully.

And the other one is being done in Santa Fe next summer.

Very impressive.

Oh, yeah, listen to me brag.

I'm insecure, you know, so I sell myself.

The truth is not everybody likes the music.

You know, they're kind of modern,

but, you know, I must say,

the critics were extremely supportive.

Is that what you want to be? Another Verdi or Puccini?

I don't kid myself, you know, but, yeah.

If I could rub that lamp and have my wish--

operas, symphonies, string quartets.

There's a lot of interest in my work in Europe.

I might go to Barcelona or to Paris to live soon.

God, I can't stop gushing about myself.

You know, you've opened Pandora's box.

And you?

Well, I don't write opera,

but, um, my life has been one.

I'm one of those heroines too high-strung

for existence on this planet.

Although, in my case,

I brought my worst troubles on myself.

I shouldn't have reached so thoughtlessly for my dreams.

Well, we grab without thinking because we're passionate people.

I knew you were passionate the minute we started talking.

How?

How? Well, your eyes, your voice.

I, I got a, I got a great instinct about people.

You know, I do. It's a gift.

Let me get right to the point.

Can I get to know you better?

You know, I got to go back and play,

but could we have lunch, you know, or, or dinner?

Well, you can certainly have my number,

if that's what you're asking.

Oh, um, let me... I'll just get a pen.

There you are.

I saw Mr. Bud Silverglide.

Oh, the mystery pianist.

Mr. Moonsong. Ellis Moonsong, this is Laurel.

Laurel? I dated a Laurel.

She, uh, she broke my heart.

I wrote this piece of music, and I dedicated it to her

in the hope that it would win her back.

Let me be the first to tell you, it did not.

He composes serious music.

You two should have a lot to discuss,

'cause Laurel gave concerts.

Oh, well, those days have vanished with the lost chord.

His opera was a big success at Yale.

And they're doing the other one where?

Uh... at the, uh, Santa Fe Opera House.

It's great when it's all stretched out

in front of you, isn't it?

ELLIS: Well, I, I wish I was as optimistic as you.

Well, I'll, I'll call you tomorrow.

Oh, I'm busy tomorrow.

LAUREL: What's tomorrow?

Well, then I'll, I'll call you the day after.

If you feel like it.

What happened with you and the swell dentist?

He was very, very sweet.

Very cute.

But just not for me.

But Ellis Moonsong is very poetic.

Oh, Melinda.

Things are amazing.

You meet a total stranger, and, in a sudden rush,

you're thinking to yourself, could I live in Barcelona?

Be careful.

I mean, you can't go through life

rubbing lamps and wishing.

It doesn't work. Take it from me.

Hey.

Greg Earlinger.

Hi.

Greg Earlinger.

I'm Susan. We've met.

Sure. Sure.

This is Melinda.

Oh, yes!

Hi.

Wow. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Um, so this is Hobie.

Oh, hi. You're the gynecologist.

Uh, close.

No, I'm-I'm the dentist.

Dentist.

Dentist. What were you thinking?

I love it at this time of year.

It's so beautiful.

Yeah, it's nice when it's so bright, huh?

You know, it's really, uh, it's really sexy, isn't it?

You look a little carsick.

Why, 'cause I'm the color of guacamole?

I think this is going really well.

Look how happy she looks.

Uh-huh.

I wish we could afford a place in the Hamptons.

Everybody who's anybody has one.

Yeah, but if you're somebody who's nobody,

it's no fun to be around anybody who's everybody.

Isn't he charming?

And don't tell me he's not gorgeous.

If you like perfect features...

Don't be such a crab.

I'm gonna try to come out here more often.

MELINDA: Wow.

SUSAN: Oh, it's so big.

GREG: Wow, thank you.

Uh, it's so clean, too.

I-It's a great place to entertain, which I love.

SUSAN: Oh, my God, Hobie, isn't it amazing?

HOBIE: Yeah, I love the, uh, I love the ramp.

It's wheelchair-accessible.

That's important out here. That's good.

GREG: Go ahead, guys. Go in.

It's tremendous for aerobics.

Come on, try it, Hobie.

What do you do for exercise?

Uh, tiddlywinks a-and an occasional anxiety attack.

Try it, Hobie. It's good manners.

Since when do I have good manners?

MELINDA: What is that? Is it a pig?

SUSAN: I don't know.

Hey, Greg, did you shoot this?

Well, actually, I-I shot all of those.

Twice a year I go to Africa.

The experience would take your breath away.

Huge herds of kudu-- greater kudu and lesser kudu.

Wow.

Wh

The, the greater kudu or the lesser kudu?

Hobie!

You know, I always thought

that it would be the sexiest thing in the world

to just sleep out under the stars

in the middle of the jungle...

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, it would be great if you don't mind waking up

with a python in your sleeping bag.

No, no, no. They have beds.

The whole thing is very civilized.

They have beds and bathrooms and showers, the whole thing.

But no elevators, right?

In case you're being chased by a tiger

and you have to get up into a tree.

Hobie, are you kidding? It's not funny.

I can't climb, so I'd have to take the elevator.

I don't understand.

Me, neither.

Uh, did you, did you shoot all the furniture

that we're sitting on?

So, um, Melinda, have you ever shot a gun?

How quickly was it shot? Was it freshly shot?

Shh. Let them talk.

Right here?

That's fine.

This was great fun. Thank you so much.

Now, are you sure you're gonna be all right?

I'm fine. He'll be fine.

Well, do you want to come up for a drink?

Ooh! A drink.

Yeah, we could... I guess we could do that.

No! No, we can't,

'cause you have to get up so early.

Why? I, I'm out of work. I'm not working right now.

Hey, do you have any tequila?

'Cause I make the world's most potent margarita.

They're very strong. I sure do.

They're very strong.

Are you... are you all right?

Here, can I help you? Here.

Yeah. Let me just...

Very good. You know this car so well.

He's like an old man.

Here we go. Thank you.

You're welcome. Don't trip.

Whoo-hoo. It's like we're dancing.

Tequila's on the Surgeon General's list.

Just be quiet, okay?

Why did he have to stop twice

to get the car washed?

Shh!

God, he's incredible, isn't he?

It'd be great for Melinda if things worked out.

I, I, I wouldn't let that guy fill my teeth.

I mean, anyone who gets his jollies

putting holes in animals....

The Ernest Hemingway of the root canal set.

He's probably got her in bed by now.

I didn't think she could stand him.

Not every woman falls for that phony social rap,

you know, with the Haut-Brion and special cheeses

and backgammon trophy.

I mean, some, someone must blow this guy up with an air hose.

You know what?

Can we just not discuss it?

And frankly, I thought you acted like a clown.

Now, can I talk to you for a minute?

And try not to get upset.

What? You want to tell me,

you want to spend more time in the Hamptons

whether I go with you or not?

I told you Steve Walsh is gonna coproduce my film.

Yes, it's fantastic.

Uh, incidentally, I, I figured out a great way

to play the psychiatrist.

It's, it's fresh; with a limp.

I, I do a, a great limp.

And that will account

for his own crushing insecurity.

Hobie...

That way, when I make a pass at Rosalie,

I, I expect the rejection.

Hobie, you're not gonna be able to play the shrink.

Why not?

Steve wants a name.

I, I, I have a name.

I have a name on my driver's license.

He won't go with an unknown.

Well, but you're the director.

You say what goes.

Except for without him, there's no film.

But, I, I'm the perfect psychiatrist.

You said it a million times.

I know, but I think

I can find something else for you in the script.

Like what?

Well, what about Moe Flanders?

You'd be a natural.

In fact, you're more Moe Flanders

than you are the shrink.

Flanders?

With the retarded elevator operator,

with the cleft palate?

That, that, is that how you see me?

When have I ever said you had a cleft palate?

MELINDA: Help!

Oh, my God. That's Melinda.

He's raping her.

He probably put Novocaine in her margarita.

Help!

What!

Help!

What's wrong?! What's wrong!

I got a tick!

There's a tick in my leg!

Where's Greg?

What the hell can Greg do?

He's a dentist.

He doesn't do tick extractions.

Oh, he had to go. His beeper went off.

He had some kind of emergency.

Someone probably saw a charging rhino

on Sixth Avenue, and they needed a hunter.

Get it out! It's creepy!

Please! Please! Get it out!

I don't know how to get a tick out!

I, I grew up in the Bronx. We had mice.

Look, you need a doctor. It could get infected.

You can't pull it out 'cause then the body comes out

and the head stays in there.

No, no, no, no, I, I feel terrible!

I think I'm gonna faint! Seriously!

You should take her to the emergency room.

There's a tick inside me sucking my blood!

No, no. It's not sucking your blood!

Those are leeches!

But this is disgusting enough!

I'm so sorry.

It was so nice of you to come and hang with me.

Oh, it's okay.

Actually, I love watching a live creature

being pulled out of somebody's body at 3:30 in the morning.

If that, if that happens again, please call me.

Well, it was really nice of you.

I mean, this whole day.

It's obvious you don't care much for the beach.

It's not the beach so much as it is the ocean

and the sand and the seagulls and...

things like that.

Well, go. You've had a long day. Rest.

Call me. I'm over here if you need me, okay?

But try not to panic.

The screaming frightened me.

And you would be totally cool

if you had a live insect

crawling around under your skin sucking your blood?

I, I don't know if I'd enjoy it,

but I wouldn't, I wouldn't panic.

Well, that's good

because there's one on the back of your neck.

My, my neck?

Your neck.

My neck? Yes. Right here.

Get it off! Get it off me!

Ooh, it's okay. Relax! Okay.

This is so exciting.

I've never been to the races before.

Hey, here's a horse called Broadway Melody.

I think it's a lucky name.

Well, it's not very sensible

to pick horses by their names,

but I guess it's romantic.

That was so beautiful.

Oh, there is no more sublime music

than that second movement, I swear to God.

Laurel cannot listen without crying.

See? Her eyes are all red.

Lee, please.

Hey, I'm with her.

You know, when Raphael first laid eyes

upon the Sistine Chapel, he passed out.

Aren't you gonna find us a taxi?

Yeah, let's go.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay. She's head over heels in love with him.

He's gifted. He's sensitive.

He is unfazed by the details of her past.

He is, in fact, moved by her suffering.

Even the awful story she's been reluctant to tell,

but feels that she must.

I killed him.

But it was an accident.

No.

In my defense, I will say

I was out of my mind on drugs.

I... I-I shouldn't say drugs. Pills.

Pills to help me sleep at night.

Pills to keep me awake.

Whatever I could get my hands on

to sweep my various pains and anxieties under the rug.

But if I'm honest about it, I, I did mean to do it.

No.

I denied it in the trial, of course.

But the-the fact is, I...

I couldn't think of what else to do.

I-I thought about killing myself.

Why I didn't, I can't say.

It would have been much more rational.

I thought about killing his girlfriend.

Maryanne was her name.

Maryanne Lane.

And it was, um...

it was so easy buying a gun.

I just drove out of state, and I walked into a store,

and I bought one.

There were no questions asked.

I bought a box of bullets,

and I loaded it like I'd been handling one my whole life.

It was all very premeditated...

despite what my attorneys would have everyone believe.

And then I...

drove back to where he worked.

It was next to a Christian Science Reading Room,

I remember that.

And I just waited out the front for him to come out.

And even that wasn't very difficult.

There was a slight drizzle-- I remember that--

but the wait wasn't interminable.

And then...

when he came out and walked to his car,

I simply confronted him.

And he said some very cold and cruel things to me.

And I shot Mr. San Giuliano...

...as I had planned to.

As I had planned.

Well, they must have felt

that the circumstances were extenuating

if you got off so lightly.

It may seem lightly to you,

but it was nothing but hell.

And, if you've never been arrested and put on trial,

well, that alone is sentence enough.

The horror, the...

the tension, the police, the journalists.

I went over my story hundreds of times.

The jilted mother, seduced away from her family,

sick on drugs, the struggle for the gun,

the gun goes off.

But there was no struggle.

That was legal fiction.

Well, you had good lawyers.

Not like your child custody team.

I remember just lying in my cell at night and thinking,

"My God...

"you are Melinda Nash from Park Avenue.

"What the hell are you doing

in a woman's prison in Illinois?"

So, naturally, after I got out, I, um...

I decided to end it all.

What do you want?

I want...

to want to live.

Everybody wants to live.

Now that I met you, I'm feeling a little more positive about it.

Congratulate me.

I just got canned.

Well, my version differs from theirs.

They would have you believe I couldn't hold my liquor...

which anyone who knows me knows is a baseless canard.

Oh, Lee, I knew this would happen.

Oh, you did? Well, why didn't you tell me?

I'm angry and disgusted.

I mean, Christ, can you blame them?

Thank you for the emotional support.

I'll see you around.

Hey.

Hi. Hey.

Are you all right? You seem a little glum.

Lee got fired.

Oh...

What happened?

It was the producer.

They'd always wanted a name.

I guess they got nervous

'cause ticket sales were slow.

I'm sorry.

You know how well I know the realities of the marketplace.

Yeah, so what are you gonna do?

I don't know if I should sit home

and feel sorry for myself or go shopping,

splurge to blot out my depression.

Don't do either. Come with us.

With you?

Sure. I just picked up Melinda

and I'm gonna take her to a recording session.

A friend of mine's doing Bartok.

Oh, but no. No, no, come on.

It'll take your mind off things.

You once said you loved Bartok.

They're doing a quartet.

You remembered I liked him?

Come on.

Do I have time to change?

No, you look fine. Look at me.

But I feel so grungy. I've been working all day.

All right, but hurry.

And then we'll go get a coffee.

Okay.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

They're so good.

I could never decide

between the piano and the cello.

The result is I play them both badly.

And the viola.

I heard you play the piano.

You're very good. No.

Yes. Full of feeling.

You have a lovely touch of the keys.

I can always see right through to a person's soul

by their intonation on an instrument.

Keyboard, horn or strings, I can. It's a gift.

And you saw my soul?

Right off the bat.

That first party, when you sat down next to me to play,

the minute you touched the keys,

the chord went through me like a knife.

I, I don't dare ask you what you saw.

It's great.

Although, I find the more turbulent parts

a little scary.

He's still not home.

Well, look, why don't you come to dinner with us?

Oh, no, I can't.

Yeah, come on. It's gonna be fun.

We'll go down to this little bistro downtown west.

It's very quiet, very dark, you know, very French.

I haven't been to a dark bistro since college.

Well, come on. You're gonna love it.

I've fallen in love there a bunch of times.

MELINDA: Come on.

'Cause Melinda was the fast, advanced one.

Oh, come on.

All the men were crazy for her.

Yes, sure.

They were drawn to her. Mm-hmm.

Her unpredictability.

No, Laurel was the star of our group.

I remember how jealous everyone was

when you married Lee.

Lee was the most attractive, most charismatic actor.

My God.

You almost broke Cassie's heart,

not that she'd ever admit it.

Forgive me.

Am I being too open here?

It's just, uh, I feel great.

What is this?

It's a Haut-Brion.

Uh-huh. Ooh, my head is swimming.

Mm. But it feels good.

Now, you were the first one in our group

to sleep with a man.

Because you were so very sophisticated.

I admired it.

Uh-huh. I did.

Yeah, well, it was probably true

'cause I, I always had a, uh, deep hunger

for, uh, physical intimacy.

A hunger that could not be denied.

Well, not once adolescence descended

and the hormones kicked in.

Melinda had a reputation for being postmodern in bed.

Life is short.

That was a sobering discovery I made

when my mother killed herself.

Short. And not about anything except

what you can touch and what touches you.

And whereas I...

I've only made love with one man in my life.

Lee was the first,

and Lee was the whole story ever since.

That's perfect.

No, I mean it.

You know, I think there's something almost mystical

about two people who only know each other.

And really, you're both very alike.

You know, you're both very, uh,

very passionate women.

And you're poured into one person,

and you've wanted to live out different experiences.

Is that you?

Mm. No.

No, I think... Uh, it's me. Uh.

Oh, so, I got a message.

That was Peter.

I think he's got some news about my children.

Um, would you excuse me for a minute?

Go, go, go ahead.

I was determined not to ask you...

what you saw

when you looked right through to my soul when we met,

but I want to know.

Something very clouded.

And, uh, protective...

with lots of longing.

There was, uh...

wow, there was a great longing

in the notes you played.

Well, I guess that's as accurate a diagnosis

as a shrink would make,

and it took you a much shorter time.

First you sat down and pressed the keyboard,

and I thought, "Who is this lovely creature

with the melancholy touch on the keyboard?"

And then I saw your wedding ring,

and I thought, you know, "Story of my life."

Is that the story of your life?

Well, that's the main chapters.

Well, my first impression was,

he's handsome...

he's lost...

he's got inscrutable eyes...

Melinda would like him.

Speaking of Melinda.

I don't dare say this, but it looks hopeful.

God, I almost wish

this opportunity hadn't come up.

You know?

I, I just, I don't know

if I can handle the tension.

I mean, just say it doesn't work out?

Oh, it will.

You have to think positively.

She's right.

You know, you were correct when you said

before that life is short and not about anything,

but one thing I do know is that we were not put on this Earth

to be dragged all the time.

We should go.

You know what?

I was hoping that,

um, you could come by my class one afternoon

and lecture the students.

It would be so meaningful to them.

I'd love to.

I'm a good lecturer.

I just hope I'm not a better lecturer than a composer.

You're home.

LEE: I'm sorry, Laurel.

I really messed things up.

Yes, well, you really have

to get a handle on your drinking.

Yes, and I will.

Of course, now the boat's sailed.

Made you some dinner.

I ate.

Where were you?

Um...

I had some late meetings at school.

I don't know what to do.

And you're sure?

Yes. It was there in his talk, in his eyes.

And you flirted back?

Yes. I was out of control,

letting him know I was there for him.

Oh, God, poor Melinda. Poor Melinda.

I don't want to hear about poor Melinda.

I mean, there are other people whose lives are falling apart.

Peter and I suspected it was not going well with Lee.

Does everyone?

Am I gossiped about?

God, that poor girl.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna do anything.

You already have.

If you and Lee get divorced,

there'll be lots of men.

Peter and I can help. No, Cassie,

I'm not gonna be the pathetic single friend

getting introduced to some dentist who puts ads in the personals.

You're gonna act on this. I see it.

I don't know what to do.

I can't stop thinking about Melinda.

She just knocked on our door,

carrying her neurosis in her arms.

Now I can't get her out of my mind.

Come on, man, you can't be talking like that.

- You're married. - I know.

I know that. I'm consumed with guilt.

I mean, I dream of myself kissing Melinda,

and then I'm immediately on trial at Nuremberg.

And how does Melinda feel about all this?

Well, of course I haven't been able to tell her that.

The subject of infidelity is completely out of the question.

So you don't even know if she shares the same feelings?

No, I-I think we do.

I just haven't had a chance to pursue it.

I mean, Walt, here's the thing.

My marriage has been on the decline for a long time.

We hardly ever sleep together,

and the last time we did,

Susan just lay there staring into the darkness

as if her parents had been killed in a fire.

Well, why can't you just...

why can't you just tell her it's not working anymore?

Because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

My podiatrist, I couldn't fire him

when he operated on my wrong foot.

Well, maybe you should go back to your shrink, discuss it.

Nah, he'll just recommend Prozac.

I think he has stock in the company, honestly.

Well, maybe you're using Susan as an excuse.

Did you ever think of that? No.

Yes. Maybe you don't even really want to do it.

No, 'cause if there was a button I could push,

and I could be with Melinda

but I wouldn't hurt Susan, I-I would do it.

Tell me this: how wise is it to get involved with a woman

with Melinda's track record?

That's why I'm convinced that I'm in love with her.

Because there's no...

there's no logical reason to be.

You're gonna have to be a man.

Be honest with Susan. I don't know.

That's what you have to do-- be honest with her.

She'll live, you'll live.

Then you go out,

you buy Melinda a nice little bauble. Right.

I heard her say at the track that she likes Art Deco. Yeah?

Take her to a candlelit joint, confess your feelings.

You sure? Yeah. That's the way.

This is gonna crush Susan.

How you doing?

The, uh, the deco pin there, how much is that?

That's $150.

Could you gift wrap that for me?

Yes, of course. Thank you.

I wish I could be with Melinda without hurting my wife.

Oh! Oh, my God!

Hobie, what are you doing here?

N now, don't get upset.

Hobie, I think you should know that Steve and I

have become attracted to one another.

You have?

STEVE: If you punch me in the nose now,

I'd understand.

He came here to be with me while I told you.

You have to admit, things have been

running out of steam between us.

I just... Try to understand.

I-I do.

I think we've been drifting ap...

Wait. You do understand?

I-I do. Most-most definitely.

Y-You're having an affair with Steve Walsh.

He's... he's-he's wonderful.

He's-he's clever. He's... he's smart,

He's fabulously wealthy.

I know.

Um, I just want you to know I don't want anything.

I mean, I know how tough your work has been for you,

and we've decided Steve

is just going to help with all the legal expenses.

And... and I just want everything to be

as painless and as civilized as possible.

And, you know, I think

that-that we can always be friends.

Melinda? Hobie.

C-Can you meet me for a few minutes?

Th-Th-There's something I'm dying to talk to you about

just when you get off work.

Right, well, you know that little c..., uh,

French bistro on the corner of Tenth Avenue?

Uh-huh. Yeah, no, the little candlelight joint

right near where you work.

Are you sure you should be drinking so much...

without having any lunch?

Well, we... we worked through lunch.

I was... I was doing a voice-over commercial.

It's not what I envisioned

when I was at Northwestern.

They, uh... they still talk about my portrayal of King Lear.

I-I played it with a limp.

How are you liking the job at the... at the gallery?

Well, my boss is great.

She has amazing taste.

HOBIE: Good.

I mean, it's not a very high-paying job,

but it's-it's fantastic, 'cause I have plenty of time

to think about what I really want to do with my life.

Well, I-I'm glad you said that.

Eh, um...

God, you, uh, you look, uh... you look very pretty

in this... in this candlelight.

Well, I'm sure anyone would look amazing

with all this... flickering shadows

and all the wine you're drinking.

Right, right, uh...

Well, I-I-I'm-I'm drinking

because life moves so fast... so unpredictably.

You know, it's-it's over so fast,

and in the end, w

Chekhov said a-a soap bubble.

Did I... did I tell you

I played Uncle Vanya once?

With a... with a limp.

It-it was interesting.

You know, it's-it's funny

that-that you should say "unpredictable,"

because I was... I was walking home yesterday.

I have to tell you this story.

Um, so, some people were moving

into an apartment on 90th Street,

and they were moving this piano.

So there was this piano, just, you know, sitting

in the middle of the sidewalk.

: And I-I couldn't resist the temptation

just to go up and give it a little, little tinkle.

You know, I-I play a little piano.

I-I used to play in high school.

I actually... gave some concerts.

So-so anyway, um, I'm playing this piano.

I'm playing this little tune that my mother taught me,

and this... this guy came up and started talking to me.

Hi.

Hi.

That's good.

You play the melody.

All right.

Is that what you're trying for?

Exactly.

Good.

So, his name is Billy Wheeler.

And he's a piano player.

And he also writes pretty music.

And he walked me back to my apartment,

and he invited me out on a date.

And...

: I think I'm in love.

In love?

Well, I-I mean,

I'm exaggerating, of course,

but some bell definitely went off.

A

Well, you know, one of those bells

that now and then rings, as Mr. Cole Porter put it.

So, anyway, I just thought that you would be pleased to know.

So, what is it that you wanted to tell me?

I...

I don't, um... It doesn't matter.

COMEDIAN: Okay, the situation is perfect.

He's despondent. He's desperate. He's suicidal.

All the comic elements are in place.

Now, she's going out with Billy Wheeler,

and Hobie's the single, abandoned upstairs neighbor.

Now she's fixing him up.

We must know somebody for Hobie.

Well, what about the woman who owns your art gallery?

Oh, Phoebe's married.

Look, I don't need to meet anyone.

I'm-I'm perfectly fine just staying in my room and...

And what, moping?

You've got to get out and reinvest your emotion.

Don't indulge your depression.

BILLY: Hey. Stacey Fox.

Why not?

Who?

I don't know her well, but I know

she's recently broken up with some Wall Street guy.

She's bright and great-looking.

What does she do?

Uh, investment counseling.

Yeah, one of those

business suits who makes love to you

while they're on a conference call.

Well, she's not your typical investment counselor.

I think she recently posed for a feature

for Playboy Magazine

on naked political conservatives.

Well, uh, I don't know if that's his type.

I mean, she's probably got augmented cleavage.

Baby, she's anybody's type.

Come on.

Wednesday's Halloween.

We were going to go out.

You should meet Stacey.

I think she just broke up.

Hobie agrees to being fixed up,

but he's still madly in love with Melinda.

He dreams about her all the time.

He's consumed with jealousy.

He can't bear the thought

that she might be making love with another man.

He wants to know!

But-but he doesn't want to know.

It's driving him crazy.

* Come here, baby *

* I can't stand it *

* I can't take much more *

MELINDA: Did you hear something?

Huh? I heard something at the front.

Can you just go check the door? Sure.

Make sure it's locked.

: * ...like you're teasing me *

* Oh, baby *

* I love you, baby *

* I'm with you wrong or right *

* I'll keep you satisfied 'cause satisfaction's guaranteed *

* Oh, baby, sure enough you mean that much to me *

* Girl, I need your love *

* Just give me all your love *

* Love you, oh, baby *

* Oh, right now, right now, right here, right here, baby *

* Ooh *

* Come on, come on, come on, girl *

* Come on, baby *

* Come on, come on, come on, baby *

* Come on, baby *

* Come on... *

What is it? What's the matter?

I need to talk to you.

You look terrible. What happened?

I think Laurel and Ellis are having an affair.

What?

I'm going crazy.

I just...

Take it easy.

I don't know what to do. Will you take it easy?

Well, what makes you think so?

I just know it, okay?

I've been through this once before.

And Laurel is supposed to be my closest friend.

Well, but what makes you think

that something's going on?

I thought it was my paranoia.

Then last week I was coming home from house-hunting.

Ellis was out of town.

And...

I overheard this argument between Laurel and Lee.

What's this?

What?

Whose key is this?

Who is "A"?

"A"?

Whose keys are in our bathroom?

Who was here?

I don't know.

You were with someone.

Laurel.

You had a woman up here.

I can't listen to these accusations.

You slept with someone here?!

Look, Laurel, leave me alone.

I can't get into another big discussion of my life.

Just because I was up here with someone talking,

it doesn't mean we went to bed.

I am finished with this, Lee.

I can't take this anymore.

Ah, you're a fine one to talk.

What does that mean?

I'm sure you would love to call it quits

now you've got your eye on someone else.

What?!

The way you throw yourself at Melinda's boyfriend,

it's embarrassing.

Don't try and turn this around.

Yeah, I'm amazed she tolerates it.

She is such a lost soul.

Will you shut up?! You're just trying

to mix things up because you were caught.

No, you were caught.

I know you when you slip into your seductive mode.

I'm not gonna have this stupid conversation.

No, you don't have to worry. I won't be around much longer.

And then you can feel free to pursue whoever you want!

MELINDA: From that moment...

the demons set in.

I just... I, I couldn't sleep.

It doesn't matter how many pills I take.

I just... I feel myself consumed with suspicion,

and I'm ashamed of it.

Melinda.

Oh, come on, Cassie. You know it's true.

I can see it in your face.

Look, you have to pull yourself together.

You've, you've been popping pills.

You've been drinking.

You can't drink and... Stop avoiding answering me.

I don't know anything.

I called Ellis today.

He's not where he said he'd be, and they weren't expecting him.

So, I called Laurel's school.

She'd called in sick.

Clearly, she's not home sick.

Listen,

even if your worst fears were true,

you can't just go off the deep end.

God.

I pick up the phone extension.

I have to know.

At the same time, I, I don't want to know.

Listen, you cannot give yourself

over to fantasies.

Let's, let's find out the reality first,

and, and stop drinking.

For God's sakes,

it's not even noon yet.

Oh, God, I have an appointment with your husband at noon.

Well, you're gonna be late.

I'm afraid the news is not good.

No?

My partner gave it everything he had,

but the politics of the situation is just too difficult.

Your ex-husband is very well-connected

and very determined

to keep the children from you.

And, naturally, the criminal conviction didn't help.

It's funny.

I steeled myself for this result.

But, now that it's come...

You know,

I know this will sound very Pollyanna,

but it's true.

When they grow up, they will want to know

who their mother was, and get to know you.

My guess is they'll be quite angry

at their father for his unreasonableness.

You'll see.

They'll grow up and come to you.

Hmm.

Well, I'm certain that they will.

I'm sure that they'll take after me

and look very much like my mother. Mm.

My mother was a very gifted interior decorator.

And I, I studied art,

so I've always had this flair for graphics.

Can I get you anything?

Um... no, I just, I just hope that

you'll be, uh, sending some of your clients to me

when I get more established.

You know.

Did I tell you that my mother...

my mother...

my mother was a very, um, gifted interior decorator?

She was very talented.

She did some amazing houses, um, on the Upper West Side.

: Melinda...

there's been no easy way to handle this situation.

You know, I think we need to... I think we need to talk.

No, these situations are never easy.

So, Melinda.

I really am sorry.

It's just...

We planned to tell you,

but each of us was so bewildered

as how to approach it.

Bewildered.

It's...

it's not like we planned on it happening.

No, we were going to explain things

as soon as we figured out the best approach.

I loved you.

I don't have a satisfying explanation.

You know these things happen.

Living is messy.

My head is spinning.

I need to lie down and rest.

I, I, I want to close my eyes and never open them again.

I'm going out the window.

Ellis...

Meli...

What are you doing?

I'm going out!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

No! No!

LAUREL: Oh.

Come on!

Cassie?

Melinda has to come and stay with you for a while.

No, there is no other answer.

She has to be watched,

and I'd say it's a little awkward with me and Ellis

under the circumstances.

Well, I can't be responsible, either.

Oh, let's face it, Cassie.

She's one of those people who will always need help.

It's sad, but...

we have to move on with our lives.

MAN: You killed her.

You killed her as I am about to kill you.

MAN 2: Come, Vitus...

are we men, or are we children?

Of what use are all these...

So, what do you think?

She's gorgeous.

Hard to believe

a Republican could be that sexual.

I bet she could put your portfolio in order.

Shh!

I thought you didn't like to dance.

Oh, I'm-I'm just trying to be a good sport.

Uh-huh.

Um, I think it'd... I think it'd only be fair to tell you

I-I'm a liberal.

Oh.

Ar-Are you talking politically

or in the bedroom?

I was talking politically.

In-in the-in the bedroom, I'm a left-wing liberal.

Mmm.

In the bedroom, I'm a radical.

Look, can-can I level with you?

Um, i-in the past few months of my marriage,

I-I really didn't sleep with my wife.

We weren't sleeping at all. Oh. Mm-hmm.

I-I, so it's, you know, I'm a little out of practice.

Uh, I...

Politically speaking,

I'm ready for a little affirmative action.

What do you say we blow this joint

and go back to your place?

My place? Mm-hmm.

Yes, by all means.

It'd be great. This-this is like a drea...

So you're not going to hold the fact

that we have conflicting viewpoints Oh.

on-on the direction America should take against me?

I mean, I'd hate it to get all worked up

and then we find we differ on a tax cut.

Listen. Here. Come on.

I-I haven't made love in a while either.

Oh. Yeah.

Yes, I will never vote against school prayer again.

Hey, what are they up to?

What do you think?

So much dancing. That was so much fun.

I... that's right.

Oh, you'll have to forgive the-the disarray.

My cleaning woman won $168 million

in the lottery, and she asked for the day off.

I-I joke. I'm...

You must get depressed sleeping alone.

Uh, well, the truth is, I-I frighten myself. Thank you.

I-I'm always worried

burglars are going to break in.

I bought a baseball bat.

Oh, drinks.

I know the feeling of being dumped.

Except in my case,

it was between my fiancé and my best friend.

No. Oh, yes.

A friend I'd known all my life.

I mean, we were schoolmates.

We went through everything together.

I mean, Christ, she was the one

who was responsible for my meeting my fiancé.

Oh, it's a, it's a-a s-sad story.

It's-it's awful.

You don't mind sleeping on cotton sheets, do you?

I-I know you posed for Playboy on satin.

I couldn't help noticing

how they'd always make eye contact. Mmm.

Look at one another. Mm-hmm.

I thought I was paranoid,

but I should have trusted my instinct.

No, you should always go with your gut feeling.

Stacey. Sometimes I would pick up the phone,

Stacey? after it would ring,

Mm-hmm.

and there'd be no one. Oh.

But they were signaling each other. Stacey.

Making love. Right.

Meeting secretly.

Laughing at me.

I'm sure they weren't laughing at you.

We were moving in together.

Looking for an apartment together,

to live together, to marry.

I mean, I loved him. I'm sure, I'm sure.

And my closest friend knew that.

She knew how much I cared about him.

She knew how my whole life was wrapped up in him.

Well, of course. Of course.

Should I dim the lights?

Or maybe a little jazz. Do you like jazz?

I can't bear it.

I can't bear to think about it.

Don't. Don't think about it.

You know, life is so rotten,

so cruel, and then, finally, about nothing.

Or-or we can just stretch out on the carpet

in front of the fireplace if you want to listen...

I can't stand it.

I'm going out the window.

What?

I'm going out the window.

Wh...? Stacey, wait.

Are you

Stacey, are you...?

Stacey.

Hold on. Leave me alone.

I want to end it all. No, no, no, no.

Stop it. Stop it, stop it.

Please.

Let's talk about what...

Ow!

Jeez.

No. God.

Please, let me go.

Let me go!

HOBIE: Kiss me.

I love you!

Oh, my, kiss... kiss me.

Oh, please. I...

Ooh.

Oh, my gosh.

What a dream.

Melinda, what...

what are you doing here?

Oh, my God.

I was listening at your door.

F

I was jealous.

Jeal... jealous?

Jealous of what? What...?

Well, you went home with Stacey,

and all night long I've been upset.

So, I guess I realized how much I care for you.

Really?

Is she here?

I heard lovemaking talk.

No. That-that was a-a dream.

You were dreaming about her?

I was dreaming of you, actually.

Me?

Why were you dreaming about me?

I dreamt I was making love to you.

: Really?

Melinda,

I'm in love with you.

Me? Mmm.

You never said anything.

I was married,

and-and when it was breaking up, you met Bill.

My God, couldn't you tell

I've been in love with you for a long time?

I couldn't even tell that I was in love with you.

And-and now you're- you're spying on me.

What a... what a silly thing.

A grown woman, a mature, sophisticated woman

outside a door, spying.

By the way,

I found a piece of your bathrobe in my door.

Oh.

Strange.

I-I should, uh, tell my laundress.

: You don't have a laundress.

Well... marry me,

and we'll-we'll get a laundress.

WOMAN: So, you see, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

We hear a little story, a few hearsay details, right?

You, you take them and you mold them into a tragic tale,

a woman's weakness for romance is her-is her undoing,

and that's-that's how you see life.

Whereas, you, you-you take those...

those details, you put them

into an amusing romance. Great.

That's your take on life.

But, obviously, there is no one definitive essence

that can be pinned down.

Well, moments of humor do exist.

I exploit them, but, you know, they exist

within a tragic, overall framework.

Meanwhile, is everybody going

to Phil Dorfman's funeral next week?

Oh... Oh, no.

Yeah, I think... I think we have to.

Poor Phil-- he dropped dead suddenly of a heart attack,

and he just came from his cardiogram, which was perfect.

Oh. I hate funerals.

Yeah, me, too, because, always at the wrong time, I laugh.

See, that's my point.

We laugh because it masks

our real terror about mortality.

I didn't mean to bring up the subject of funerals.

You know, you're right.

Well, how can it be a romantic, funny world,

if you can't trust your own cardiogram?

I want to be cremated.

Now... or after your death?

Come on. Let's change the subject.

We came out to have a fun and relaxing evening. Jesus.

Let's drink to good times.

Salut'. Comic or tragic,

the most important thing to do is to enjoy life while you can.

That's right. Because we only go round once,

and when it's over, it's over.

And, perfect cardiogram or not,

when you least expect it, it could end like that.