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1
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,511
SO LAME.
2
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,646
ALL ANYONE'S TALKING ABOUT
IS THIS ELECTION.
3
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,349
IT'S RUINING TWITTER.
4
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,017
MANDY, YOU SHOULD BE EXCITED.
5
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,586
THIS WILL BE
YOUR FIRST TIME VOTING.
6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,388
I BELIEVE I SPEAK
FOR ALL OF AMERICA
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,956
WHEN I SAY,
LET HER SIT THIS ONE OUT.
8
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,895
SO, I ASSUME YOU'RE GONNA BE
VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENT?
9
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,331
UM, EVERYONE'S VOTING
FOR THE PRESIDENT, RIGHT?
10
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,500
AND A BUNCH OF LAWS
AND STUFF.
11
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,536
I MEAN, ARE YOU VOTING
FOR OBAMA?
12
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:38,339
OH. I DON'T KNOW, KRIS.
MOM, WHO ARE YOU VOTING FOR?
13
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,673
I AM NOT TELLING.
14
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,110
THAT HAS BEEN MY POLICY
SINCE BUSH/DUKAKIS.
15
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,944
(stifles laugh)
16
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,714
WHAT'S A DUKAKIS?
17
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,251
A SMALL GREEK MAN
FROM MASSACHUSETTS
18
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,885
WHO CLIMBED INTO A TANK
ONE DAY
19
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,355
AND DISAPPEARED FOREVER.
20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,924
HEY, YOUR FATHER
WAS NOT A FAN.
21
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,692
YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY
AGREE WITH DAD ON THIS ONE.
22
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,629
NO GOVERNOR FROM MASSACHUSETTS
SHOULD EVER BECOME PRESIDENT.
23
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,131
HEY, HEY, HEY!
24
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,933
THE SECRET BALLOT IS
A CORNERSTONE OF OUR DEMOCRACY,
25
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,968
AND HAVING A FEW SECRETS
FROM YOUR FATHER
26
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,470
IS THE CORNERSTONE
OF OUR MARRIAGE.
27
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,139
(laughs)
(door opens)
28
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:14,608
SO... LET'S KEEP THE PEACE
BY KEEPING THIS ZIPPED...
29
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,145
OH...
AND THIS, TOO.
30
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:19,647
COME ON. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
DAD LOVES A GOOD ARGUMENT.
31
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,250
YEAH, AND SO DO I,
UNLESS IT LASTS FOR THREE HOURS
32
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,952
AND FOCUSES MAINLY
ON THE FEDERAL RESERVE.
33
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,387
(Mike) WHEW!
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,457
BOY, SOME BIG DOG
DUMPED SOMETHING ON OUR LAWN.
35
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,226
WHEW!
36
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,994
YOU MEAN SOMEBODY PUT A SIGN
WITH THE NAME OF OUR PRESIDENT
37
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,829
ON THE LAWN?
WHO COULD THAT HAVE BEEN?
38
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,232
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
39
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,500
YOU DON'T MOW THE LAWN,
40
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,735
AND NOW SHE'S ACTIVELY
DEFACING IT.
41
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,804
WE'RE HAVING A NICE
TRI-TIP TONIGHT.
WHAT--
42
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,174
EVERYBODY LIKE THAT?
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
OH! MM, YEAH.
43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,176
OKAY, THERE ARE, LIKE, A MILLION
ROMNEY SIGNS OUT THERE.
(Mike groans)
44
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,910
I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE
THAT LIKES THINGS,
45
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,345
YOU KNOW,
FAIR AND BALANCED.
46
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,147
YOU WANNA START
THIS UP--
GOES GREAT WITH CHIMICHURRI.
47
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,684
I LOVE CHIMICHURRI SAUCE.
THAT'LL BE GOOD ON THERE.
48
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,852
I THOUGHT YOU VOTED REPUBLICAN
LAST TIME.
49
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,521
OH, YEAH, I KNOW YOU--
YOU THOUGHT THAT.
50
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,122
I JUST--I JUST COULDN'T
BRING MYSELF TO VOTE
51
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:05,493
FOR A WOMAN WHO LIKES TO SHOOT
WOLVES FROM A HELICOPTER.
52
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,329
SO YOU VOTE FOR A-A GUY
FROM KENYA INSTEAD?
53
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,165
YOU'VE GOT IT MIXED UP, OKAY?
OBAMA WAS NOT BORN OVERSEAS.
54
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,834
OVERSEAS IS WHERE ROMNEY
LIKES TO HIDE HIS MONEY.
55
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,135
OHH...
56
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,538
(mouth full) OH, MY GOD,
THIS IS SO BORING!
57
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,507
WAIT, WAIT.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN
58
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,342
TO THE FEDERAL RESERVE YET.
59
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,444
OH, DON'T GET ME STARTED
ON THIS.
60
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,113
YOU KNOW, AARON BURR SHOT
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
61
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,782
TEN YEARS TOO LATE
IN MY BOOK.
62
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,051
MOMMY!
WHOA!
63
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,686
(laughs) THERE'S
MY LITTLE MAN. MMM!
64
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,222
HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT
AT YOUR DAD'S?
65
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:37,558
DADDY'S BED COMES
RIGHT OUT OF THE COUCH!
(Mike laughs)
66
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,627
(Mike) WELL, GREAT.
67
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,196
SEAMLESS TRANSITION FROM
SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING
68
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,064
TO... LAYING AROUND
DOING NOTHING.
69
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,700
DAD.
I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD EVER
SINCE I GOT BACK TO DENVER.
70
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,669
I'VE BEEN AT THE ICE FACTORY
SIX MONTHS NOW.
71
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,671
YOU WORK
AT AN ICE FACTORY.
72
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,674
WOW. YOU KNOW WHO COULD
DO YOUR JOB BETTER?
73
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,843
JANUARY.
74
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,678
WOW.
75
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,480
HEY, COOL OBAMA SIGN, MIKE.
76
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,181
GLAD TO SEE
YOU'RE COMING AROUND.
77
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,583
I'M NOT COMING AROUND.
78
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,052
I YANKED THAT OUT OF MY YARD
SO I COULD THROW IT OUT,
79
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,321
MAKE ROOM
FOR MY ROMNEY SIGNS.
80
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,590
OH, YEAH, I SAW THOSE OUT THERE,
JUST FLOPPING AROUND
81
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,725
WHICHEVER WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
82
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,327
(mouths words)
83
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,763
YOU KNOW, ROMNEY IS A DOER.
84
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,198
IT'S EASY TO BE CONSISTENT
LIKE OBAMA
85
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:21,735
WHEN ALL YOU'VE EVER DONE
IS "ORGANIZE COMMUNITIES."
86
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,772
HE DID A GREAT JOB WITH THAT
SOUTH SIDE OF CHICAGO,
87
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:25,939
BOY, DIDN'T HE?
88
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,575
IT RUNS LIKE A WATCH DOWN THERE.
89
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,943
YOU CAN'T WEAR ONE, YOU KNOW?
90
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,946
(chuckles)
HONEY, BACK ME UP ON THIS.
91
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,949
YEAH, THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES
CALL FOR A GOOD BUSINESSMAN.
92
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,385
THERE YOU, GO.
THANKS, HONEY.
93
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,686
OF COURSE,
IT'S THE BUSINESSMEN
94
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,954
WHO GOT US INTO
THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES.
95
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,091
WHERE DOES SHE STAND?
96
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:47,561
(singsongy) NOBODY KNOWS!
97
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,096
HMM. FLIP-FLOPPING.
98
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,465
SOUNDS JUST LIKE
YOUR CANDIDATE, DAD.
99
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,866
YEAH, LIKE YOUR CANDIDATE,
100
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,536
SHE THINKS IT'S GOOD
TO FEED FREELOADERS.
101
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,939
THAT SOUNDED LIKE
A DINNER INVITATION TO ME.
102
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,486
(scoffs)
FANTASY FOOTBALL TIME?
103
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,288
YEAH. TODAY'S
THE TRADING DEADLINE.
104
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,989
PEOPLE ARE MAKING MOVES
LIKE CRAZY.
105
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,326
GROWN MEN PLAYING
FAIRY TALE FOOTBALL.
106
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,661
WE GOT A FANTASY TEAM
OF EMPLOYEES,
107
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,896
AND NONE OF YOU ARE ON IT!
108
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,598
CLOSE UP THE COMPUTERS!
109
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,634
YOU'VE GOTTA GO TO WORK.
CLOSE 'EM UP!
110
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,372
(opens and closes door)
111
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,610
(Ed) RIGHT. YEAH...
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH
112
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:37,978
THEY'RE INTO THAT
FANTASY FOOTBALL.
113
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,947
SHH! SO WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU FOUND OUT
114
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,081
MY QUARTERBACK IS INJURED,
115
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,183
AND YOU CALLED JUST TO GLOAT.
IS THAT IT?
116
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,985
(chuckles)
117
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,355
YEAH, WELL, I PLAN
ON WINNING THIS THING,
118
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,956
AND I WILL NOT LOSE AGAIN
119
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,859
TO A COLD, BLACK-HEARTED SHARK
LIKE YOU!
120
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:52,926
(sighs)
121
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,228
YOUR DAUGHTER EVE SAYS HELLO.
122
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,599
THAT WAS EVE ON THE PHONE?
123
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,167
SHE'S WON THREE YEARS
IN A ROW.
124
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,636
I HAVE A PLAN TO BRING DOWN
THAT SHE-DEVIL.
125
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,838
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
I'M SORRY.
126
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,375
I KNOW. I'M SORRY.
127
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,343
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT THIS
PASSIONATE ABOUT THE ELECTION?
128
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,945
I DON'T VOTE ANYMORE.
THEY JUST BREAK MY HEART.
129
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,146
LIKE NIXON!
130
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,650
THE MAN WAS A GIANT,
131
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,186
AND HE QUIT WITHOUT EVEN
PUTTING UP A FIGHT.
132
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,491
SO--SO YOU'RE GOOD
WITH FOUR MORE YEARS
133
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,659
OF BIG GOVERNMENT BAILOUTS?
134
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,862
AND A FIRST LADY WHO DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN SLEEVES?
135
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,865
WELL, WITH GUNS LIKE THAT,
WHO CAN BLAME HER?
136
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:33,333
(chuckles) YEAH.
137
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,468
HEY.
138
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,969
HEY.
139
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,138
MITT NEEDS YOUR HELP.
140
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,807
CAN ONE OF THE OTHER GUYS
HELP HIM?
141
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,075
MR. ALZATE TEXTED
HE WANTED TO SEE ME.
142
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,317
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
AH, THANKS FOR COMING.
YEAH.
143
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,686
SO, ONCE AGAIN,
THE FOOTBALL GODS
144
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,722
HAVE BEEN UNKIND TO YOU,
HUH?
I KNOW.
145
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,490
I'VE HAD A ROUGH YEAR.
YEAH.
146
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,859
MY STRATEGY OF NOT DRAFTING
ANYONE WITH A CRIMINAL RECORD
147
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,594
SEEMS TO HAVE BACKFIRED.
148
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,696
WELL, YOU HAVE
TO FIGURE THAT STUFF OUT.
149
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,232
WELL, I HAVE A SHOT AT WINNING
THIS YEAR, ALL RIGHT?
150
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,767
I WANT YOU TO TRADE ME
YOUR QUARTERBACK.
151
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,669
I WANT AARON RODGERS.
152
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,671
I DON'T KNOW.
IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR
153
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,706
TO THE REST OF THE LEAGUE
IF I GAVE YOU RODGERS.
154
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,442
AND BESIDES,
HE'S THE HEART AND SOUL
155
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,744
OF MY LOCKER ROOM, AND HE WORKS
WITH UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS...
156
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,379
AH.
IN MY FANTASY COMMUNITY.
157
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,016
I LIVE ALONE.
158
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,786
YEAH. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
159
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,187
YOU KEEP RODGERS.
OKAY.
160
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,622
GO AHEAD. (chuckles)
161
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,925
AND, KYLE, COULD YOU SWEEP
THE PARKING LOT TODAY?
162
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,429
ALL RIGHT.
163
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,030
UH, BUT IS THIS JUST
A COINCIDENCE,
164
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,365
OR ARE YOU PUNISHING ME
165
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,767
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T
MAKE THIS TRADE?
166
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,569
I WOULDN'T PUNISH YOU, SON.
167
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,871
YOU HAVE PRINCIPLES,
AND I RESPECT THAT.
168
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,106
NOW GRAB A BROOM...
169
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,776
AND THE BEAR COSTUME.
170
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,386
ED'S PRESSURING KYLE
TO TRADE HIM AARON RODGERS.
171
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,755
EXCUSE ME?
FOR HIS FANTASY TEAM.
172
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,457
YOU WORK WITH THE GUY,
AND I GET NO INTEL ON THIS?
173
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:06,159
WHAT'S THE POINT OF SENDING YOU
TO THAT OFFICE EVERY DAY?
174
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,597
THERE'S THINGS GOING ON
IN THIS COUNTRY
175
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,964
THAT WILL CHANGE THE COURSE
OF HUMAN--
176
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,332
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
177
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,101
OH, YES!
178
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,236
(singsongy) I JUST GOT
DARREN McFADDEN!
179
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,473
(groans)
OH, OH, OH, YEAH!
180
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:22,342
YEAH! ED CAN HAVE
AARON RODGERS NOW, MAN!
181
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,844
THIS IS HUGE!
182
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:24,978
WHOO!
183
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,482
DID YOU JUST MENTION
AN OAKLAND RAIDER
184
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,083
IN A DENVER BRONCO
HOUSEHOLD?
(sighs)
185
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,085
(normal voice) McFADDEN'S NOT
JUST A RAIDER ANYMORE, DAD.
186
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:35,022
HE'S A RAIDER. HE--
HE'S THE NEW STARTING TAILBACK
ON MY FANTASY TEAM,
187
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,659
THE THREE FACES OF EVE.
YEAH, BABY!
188
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:42,830
AND ALL THREE OF THOSE FACES
ARE SAYING, "SUCK IT, ED!"
189
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:46,600
LISTEN. THE RAIDERS ARE
SWORN ENEMIES OF THE BRONCOS.
190
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,168
IT'S LIKE THE CRIPS
AND THE BLOODS,
191
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,470
BOTH OF WHOM
ARE RAIDERS FANS.
192
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,472
SORRY, DAD.
193
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,508
BUT AS THE GREAT AL DAVIS
SAID,
194
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,043
"JUST WIN, BABY!"
195
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,947
THAT'S ANOTHER NAME WE DON'T
SAY IN A BRONCO HOUSE!
196
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,391
BOYD, HURRY UP!
YOUR DAD'S WAITING!
197
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:15,462
(Boyd) I HAVE TO GET THAT
BORING TOY DADDY GAVE ME!
198
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,364
YOU TOLD ME
I HAVE TO PLAY WITH IT
199
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,400
SO HE WON'T FEEL BAD!
200
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,904
MANDY, HONEY,
I FOUND THIS VOTER'S GUIDE
201
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,839
SO YOU CAN STUDY
FOR THE ELECTION.
202
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,407
STUDY? MOM, HOW HARD
CAN IT BE?
203
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,411
NANA VOTES, AND SHE TRIED TO
BUY OUR GROCERIES WITH BUTTONS.
204
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,413
MANDY, IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO BE INFORMED
205
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,515
ABOUT THE ISSUES BEFORE
YOU STEP INTO THAT BOOTH
206
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,150
AND PULL THE CURTAIN.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT, MANDY.
207
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,819
IT'S JUST LIKE
A DRESSING ROOM.
208
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,990
EXCEPT--MANDY, HONEY, LOOK.
TH-THIS IS IMPORTANT.
209
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,425
DON'T TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
210
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,929
THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD ADVICE.
211
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,363
LISTEN, I MADE YOU A LIST
212
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,065
OF EVERYTHING
YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR
213
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,601
AND EVERYBO YOU SHOULD
VOTE FOR.
214
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,268
COOL, A CHEAT SHEET!
215
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:58,171
AND I DON'T MIND IF YOUR
FRIENDS COPY OFF OF THAT.
216
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,041
YOU CAN'T JUST TELL HER
HOW TO VOTE, DAD.
217
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,076
I KNOW.
SHE WON'T REMEMBER.
218
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,580
THAT'S WHY I PRINTED IT OUT.
219
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,718
(laughs) OH! SWEET!
THEY WANT TO LEGALIZE WEED?
220
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,119
(laughs)
(forced laugh)
221
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,388
BUT THEY STILL CAN'T
GET ME TO TRY IT.
222
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,526
SO, WAIT, WHY DO I LIKE
ROMNEY AGAIN?
223
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,529
WELL, FOR STARTERS,
HE DOESN'T SMOKE WEED.
224
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,598
OR CIGARETTES
OR DRINK BOOZE.
225
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,933
AND IF YOU CUT HIM,
226
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:29,703
SOME SORT OF HYDRAULIC FLUID
LEAKS OUT.
227
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:33,373
(laughing)
228
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,776
BUT AT LEAST
HE'LL BE SOBER ENOUGH
229
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,377
TO REIGN IN
THE GOVERNMENT SPENDING.
230
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,311
HMM. HALLELUJAH.
231
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,248
OBAMA RESPECTS
A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE.
232
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,683
HALLELUJAH!
233
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,387
HOW LONG CAN SHE
KEEP DOING THIS?
234
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,323
NOBODY KNOWS.
235
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,325
ALL RIGHT. LET ME
PUT THIS IN PERSPECTIVE
236
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,061
WITH THE INHERITANCE TAX.
(mutters)
237
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,996
NOW, ONE DAY,
I AM GONNA DIE,
238
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,798
AND I'LL SPLIT THINGS UP
AND GIVE IT YOU GUYS, RIGHT?
239
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,333
I CALL THE MONEY
AND THE HOUSE!
240
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,805
(gasps) OH,
AND I'LL MISS YOU, DAD.
241
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:10,510
ANYHOW, THE DEMOCRATS
WILL TAX THAT INHERITANCE
242
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,280
AND PROBABLY USE THAT MONEY
TO THROW GAY WEDDINGS
243
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,182
FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS.
244
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:19,286
(mouths words)
BUT... THAT'S NOT FAIR.
245
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,288
WE WORKED REALLY HARD
FOR THAT MONEY.
246
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:24,157
YES, WE DID.
247
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,359
BUT IF THE DEMOCRATS WIN...
MM-HMM?
248
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:30,197
THE ONLY THING YOU'LL INHERIT
IS A $16 TRILLION DEBT.
249
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,833
WAIT, YOU MEAN THE DEBT
THAT WE GOT FROM BUSH
250
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,702
CUTTING TAXES
ON BILLIONAIRES,
251
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,136
AND, OH, TWO UNPAID-FOR WARS?
252
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,871
LISTEN. YOU KNOW,
YOUR MOUTH OPENS,
253
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:40,573
BUT BILL MAHER'S VOICE
COMES OUT.
254
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,111
WE NEED SOMEBODY
IN THE WHITE HOUSE WHO'S TOUGH
255
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,645
SO HE CAN MAKE
TOUGH DECISIONS.
256
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,214
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHO'S TOUGH?
257
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,349
THAT GUY WHO KILLED
BIN LADEN.
258
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,051
OH, YEAH, 'CAUSE ALL YOUR GUY
TRIED TO KILL
259
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,153
WAS THE U.S. AUTO INDUSTRY.
UH-HUH.
260
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,525
DEMOCRATS...
MM.
261
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:01,328
LOVE SPENDING
OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY.
262
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,865
LIKE FREE HEALTH CARE
FOR EVERYBODY--WHOOPEE!
263
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,402
NOW LAZY PEOPLE CAN JUST
GO AROUND LICKING DOORKNOBS.
264
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,140
MIKE, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T
HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE
265
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,708
DOESN'T MEAN
THAT YOU'RE LAZY.
266
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,676
MEDICAL CARE SHOULD BE
A BASIC RIGHT.
267
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,178
YEAH, YOU WERE BORN,
YOU DID YOUR JOB,
268
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,713
NOW IT'S UP TO THE REST OF US
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU?
269
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,481
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE A RICH GUY, MAN,
270
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,350
SO MAYBE ROMNEY MAKES SENSE
FOR YOU.
271
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,719
BUT OBAMA IS LOOKING OUT
FOR WORKING PEOPLE.
272
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,020
HE'S GOT TO LOOK OUT
FOR 'EM,
273
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,389
'CAUSE THEY'RE NOWHERE
TO BE FOUND!
274
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,924
WHERE ARE THE WORKING PEOPLE?
275
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,826
THEY'RE ALL IN MEXICO
GETTING JOBS!
276
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,228
HE'S GOT MEXICANS
GOING BACK TO MEXICO!
277
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:38,698
(Kristin) BOYD!
278
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,934
DADDY, I LOVE MY ABACUS.
279
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,736
EVERY TIME I PLAY WITH IT...
280
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,038
I LEARN.
281
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,940
I LOVE YOU. MWAH!
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
282
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,743
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT, MIKE.
283
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,745
HEY, BOYD, WHY DON'T YOU
USE YOUR ABACUS
284
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,546
TO TEACH YOUR DAD
ABOUT THE DEFICIT?
285
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:57,384
THOSE LITTLE RED BEADS--
THEY'RE TRILLIONS!
286
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,086
YOU KNOW, DAD, I REALLY WISH
287
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,854
YOU HADN'T LAID
INTO RYAN LIKE THAT.
288
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,355
HE JUST LOST HIS JOB.
289
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,124
LOST HIS JOB
AT AN ICE FACTORY?
290
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:07,995
WHAT, DID SOMEBODY LEAK
THE SECRET RECIPE?
291
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,898
AND WHEN RYAN LOST HIS JOB,
292
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,732
BOYD LOST
HIS HEALTH INSURANCE.
293
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,968
YOU SEE, MANDY, THIS IS WHAT
OBAMA IS TRYING TO FIX.
294
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,703
LISTEN, IF THERE'S SOMETHING
GOES WRONG WITH BOYD,
295
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,805
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
296
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:18,872
FAMILIES TAKE CARE
OF EACH OTHER.
297
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,073
I DON'T NEED THE GOVERNMENT
298
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,474
STICKING ITS FAT NOSE
IN EVERYTHING.
299
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,876
OKAY, THEN WHAT ABOUT
ALL THE OTHER 5-YEAR-OLDS
300
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,212
THAT DON'T HAVE
NICE, GENEROUS GRANDFATHERS?
301
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,080
(door opens)
302
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,918
(clicks tongue)
WAIT A MINUTE. (sighs)
303
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,087
I CAN'T READ THIS.
THIS THING IS IN SPANISH.
304
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,136
GRACIAS. (laughs)
305
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,410
I CAN HEAR YOU GRINDING
YOUR TEETH OVER THERE.
(groans)
306
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,981
OBAMA?
NO. McFADDEN.
307
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,652
THE "DON'T WORRY,
BE HAPPY" GUY?
308
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,787
THAT'S McFERRIN.
OH.
309
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,790
NO, McFADDEN.
HE'S AN OAKLAND RAIDER.
YEAH. MM. MM-HMM.
310
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,792
EVE PICKED HIM
FOR HER FANTASY TEAM,
311
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,829
AND NOW I'VE GOT
A RAIDER IN THE HOUSE
312
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,031
AND A TRAITOR IN THE HOUSE.
313
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:21,801
WAIT. SO--SO YOU'RE UPSET
ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL?
314
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,271
AND KRISTIN
AND THE ELECTION.
315
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,339
AHH! I KNEW IT!
316
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,707
DON'T TURN ON THE LIGHT.
WAIT--
(switch clicks)
317
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,109
OH!
SORRY.
318
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,011
YOU KNOW, IF I LOSE MANDY,
319
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:34,014
I'VE LOST ALL THREE
OF MY DAUGHTERS IN ONE WEEK.
320
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,648
YOU'RE NOT LOSING THEM.
321
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,784
THEY'RE JUST DEVELOPING
THEIR OWN IDEAS.
322
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,787
I KNOW.
WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?
323
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,522
(Mike sighs)
324
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,624
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.
325
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,627
THEY'RE BECOMING STRONG,
INDEPENDENT-MINDED WOMEN.
326
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,897
YOU KNOW, THE FOUNDING FATHERS
KNEW IT TOOK
327
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,132
EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM
TO VOTE.
328
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,467
THAT'S WHY ONLY LANDOWNERS
COULD VOTE.
329
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,070
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I THINK THAT'S REALLY SMART.
330
00:13:57,104 --> 00:14:00,040
YOU MEAN MEN. WHITE MEN.
331
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,175
YOU SAY THAT
LIKE IT MAKES YOU SICK.
OH.
332
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,544
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, YOU MARRIED ONE.
333
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,679
(switch clicks)
SO, ARE YOU HONESTLY SAYING
THAT YOU THINK
334
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,882
THINGS WERE BETTER
WHEN THERE WAS SLAVERY
335
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,017
AND WOMEN COULDN'T VOTE?
336
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,053
NO! SLAVERY WAS HORRIBLE.
337
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,728
AND?
338
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,363
GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
339
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,839
("Hail to the Chief" playing)
HELLO, MR. PRESIDENT.
340
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,875
THIS CHAIR IS MINE.
341
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,280
HI. MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN.
342
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:43,683
YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE,
AS PROPERTY TAXES GO UP,
343
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,786
RESPECT FOR THE LANDOWNER
GOES DOWN.
344
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,789
WE USED TO LISTEN TO GUYS
LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON,
345
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,091
THOMAS JEFFERSON.
346
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,026
WE KNEW THEY CARED
ABOUT THIS COUNTRY
347
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,562
BECAUSE THEY OWNED IT.
348
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,797
WE DIDN'T CALL THEM
THE FOUNDERS.
349
00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:01,134
WE CALL THEM
THE FOUNDING FATHERS.
350
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:05,138
BECAUSE WE RESPECTED FATHERS.
NOW NOBODY LISTENS TO FATHERS.
351
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:08,408
EXCEPT HERE AT OUTDOOR MAN.
WE LISTEN TO YOU FATHERS.
352
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,443
YOU BRING ME
YOUR PROPERTY TAX BILL
353
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,413
AND PROOF
OF AN UNGRATEFUL CHILD,
354
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,448
AND WE'LL TREAT YOU
LIKE THE PRESIDENT.
355
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:18,485
(chuckles)
OR BETTER YET, HOW THE MEDIA
TREATS THE PRESIDENT--
356
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:22,622
WITH KID GLOVES,
ALL PUCKERED UP.
357
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,791
(chuckles)
358
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,498
I AGREE WITH YOUR VLOG,
MR. B.
359
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,001
THOSE FOUNDING FATHERS
WERE TOTALLY AWESOME DUDES.
360
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,735
WELL, THEY DON'T CARVE
A DUDE'S HEAD
361
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,272
IN THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN UNLESS
HE'S TOTALLY AWESOME, KYLE.
362
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:40,807
YOUR VLOG MAKES ME WONDER
IF GEORGE WASHINGTON
363
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,475
WOULD HAVE TRADED
AARON RODGERS
364
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,511
JUST BECAUSE HIS BOSS
MADE HIM
365
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,179
CRAWL ALONG
THE WAREHOUSE RAFTERS
366
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:49,149
TRYING TO CATCH PIGEONS
IN A BEAR SUIT.
367
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,619
YOU ASK THE BIG
POLITICAL QUESTIONS, KYLE.
368
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,287
YOU KNOW, I BET YOU
BEN FRANKLIN
369
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,622
WOULDN'T HAVE TRADED
RODGERS, EITHER--
370
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,325
EVEN IF, YOU KNOW, AFTER
HE DIDN'T CATCH THE PIGEONS,
371
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,760
HE WAS FORCED TO CLEAN UP
THEIR DROPPINGS...
372
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,030
IN A BEAR SUIT.
373
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,265
AS IT TURNS OUT,
FRANKLIN HAD A HIGH TOLERANCE
374
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,433
FOR THE DISGUSTING.
375
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,569
HE, UH, SPENT A LOT OF TIME
WITH THE FRENCH.
376
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,206
I ADMIRE YOU
AND THE FOUNDING FATHERS
377
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,208
FOR STANDING UP
TO OPPRESSION.
378
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,844
THANKS.
379
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,379
IT'S KIND OF LIKE
THIS ELECTION, MR. B.
380
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,981
YOU KNOW, EVERY FOUR YEARS,
381
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,783
WE GET THE CHANCE
TO MAKE OUR OWN CHOICE.
382
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,818
PEOPLE MAY TRY TO BRIBE
OR BULLY YOU,
383
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:30,523
BUT WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT BOOTH,
NOBODY CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
384
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,525
I LIKE THAT.
385
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,727
(chuckles) I LIKE THAT, TOO.
386
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,900
WELL... THOSE PIGEONS AREN'T
GONNA CATCH THEMSELVES.
387
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,208
HEY, SWEETHEART.
HI.
388
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,642
SO HOW WAS YOUR FIRST TIME?
389
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:50,777
WHAT?
390
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,716
OH, YOU MEANT VOTING.
391
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,353
WHAT DID YOU THINK
I MEANT?
392
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,757
VOTING.
393
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,326
UM... I DON'T KNOW.
394
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,661
I'M STILL KIND OF
THINKING IT OVER.
395
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,530
I-I WENT TO ONE OF THOSE
WEB SITES YOU RECOMMENDED.
396
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,165
THAT'S GOOD.
MM-HMM.
397
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:14,501
AND ONE KRISTIN RECOMMENDED.
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
398
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,936
HEY! THEY JUST CALLED NEW YORK
FOR OBAMA!
399
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,405
WHAT A SURPRISE--NEW YORK,
400
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:22,008
THE STATE THAT OUTLAWED
THE BIG GULP.
401
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,510
HEY, MANDY, HUSTLE UP.
402
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,412
POLLING PLACES CLOSE
IN 28 MINUTES.
403
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,713
NO, NO, NO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
404
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,115
THIS IS A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD.
405
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,549
THEY'LL KEEP 'EM OPEN
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
406
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,918
DAD, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
407
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,286
I DON'T REALLY FEEL
LIKE GOING.
408
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,454
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING?
409
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,289
WELL, YOU CAN'T NOT VOTE.
410
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,690
OKAY, IT'S JUST,
IF I--IF I VOTE ONE WAY,
411
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,292
THEN YOU'LL BE MAD AT ME.
IF I VOTE THE OTHER WAY,
412
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:40,360
THEN KRISTIN WILL BE
MAD AT ME, SO...
413
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,462
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
414
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,465
KRISTIN WILL BE JUST FINE.
415
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,069
I-I DID SOME RESEARCH.
AND?
416
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,638
I JUST FEEL LIKE
THE PRESIDENT
417
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,740
DESERVES A CHANCE TO FINISH
WHAT HE STARTED.
418
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,943
DISMANTLING A ROARING
FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM?
419
00:17:56,976 --> 00:18:00,380
YOU WANT HIM TO FINISH
THAT LITTLE JOB?
420
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,416
ACTUALLY, DAD, THE STOCK MARKET
HAS DOUBLED SINCE OBAMA CAME IN.
SO WHAT?
421
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,051
AND DID YOU KNOW
THAT UNDER CLINTON
422
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,486
THERE WAS
A HUGE BUDGET SURPLUS?
423
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,954
AND, OH, BY THE WAY,
CLINTON'S MOM
424
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:11,191
IS OBAMA'S
SECRETARY OF STATE.
425
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:19,332
YOU'RE AN 18-YEAR-OLD
ENTERING THE JOB MARKET.
426
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,668
YOU'RE VOTING
FOR UNEMPLOYMENT.
427
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,303
WAIT. IS THAT ACTUALLY IN HERE?
CAN I REALLY VOTE FOR THAT?
428
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,671
(giggles)
429
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,574
SHE'S VOTING
FOR EQUAL PAY FOR WOMEN.
430
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,242
SO YOU'LL BOTH BE
MAKING ZERO.
431
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,977
SEE? I KNEW YOU'D BE
MAD AT ME.
432
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,579
THAT'S WHY I FIGURED
I'D JUST SKIP THE WHOLE THING.
433
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,913
GREAT. YOU HAPPY, DAD?
434
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,184
NO, I'M NOT HAPPY.
435
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,252
I'M RAISING THREE DAUGHTERS.
436
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,654
TWO ARE DEMOCRATS.
437
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,957
THERE'S WET BRAS IN
EVERY BATHROOM IN THIS HOUSE.
438
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,529
GET YOUR I.D.
I'LL DRIVE YOU.
439
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,164
OKAY, BUT I JUST TOLD YOU
I'M GONNA VOTE FOR THE PRES--
440
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,532
BUP-BUP--I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID.
I KNOW WHO YOU'RE VOTING FOR.
441
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,334
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT
AGAIN.
442
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,968
I WANT YOU TO STAND UP,
SWEETHEART,
443
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,170
TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN.
444
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,938
THAT'S WHAT I WANT,
YOU KNOW, SO...
445
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,342
EVEN IF IT'S LIKE PUNCHING
YOUR MOTHER IN THE STOMACH.
446
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,510
RIGHT, HONEY?
447
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,878
NICE TRY.
448
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,780
GET YOUR COAT.
OKAY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
449
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,149
WAIT. W-WAIT. SO YOU'RE
ACTUALLY GONNA DRIVE HER
450
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,151
TO GO VOTE FOR
A BLEEDING-HEART LIBERAL?
451
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:15,522
IN A VEHICLE THAT GETS
4 MILES PER GALLON.
452
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,125
MANDY, LET'S GO!
WAIT. HOLD ON.
453
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,027
(chuckles) YOU JUST WANT
TO DRIVE HER
454
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,895
SO THAT YOU CAN TRY
AND CHANGE HER MIND ON THE WAY.
455
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,131
BY LAW, I CAN CAMPAIGN
UP UNTIL 100 FEET
456
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,133
IN FRONT OF A POLLING PLACE.
457
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,369
LISTEN.
458
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,439
I MAY HAVE LOST YOU, BUT I STILL
HAVE A SHOT WITH HER.
459
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,409
YOU'LL NEVER LOSE ME, DAD.
460
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:39,479
BUT I'M GONNA GO WITH YOU,
461
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,848
AND I'M GONNA GO PUT ON
MY OBAMA SHIRT.
462
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,050
THERE'S NO ROOM FOR YOU
IN MY TRUCK.
463
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,853
THEN I'LL RIDE ON THE ROOF,
LIKE ROMNEY'S DOG.
464
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,021
OKAY, SO MAYBE
HE SHOULD HAVE PUT THAT DOG
465
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,057
IN A LITTLE CARRYALL,
KINDA LIKE THE ONE
466
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,227
OBAMA USES
TO CARRY BIDEN AROUND!
467
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,333
YOU OKAY?
468
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,201
YEAH, I'M AN AWESOME DAD.
I'M A GOOD--
YOU ARE. YOU ARE.
469
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,538
YOU KNOW, I'M RAISING STRONG,
INDEPENDENT-MINDED WOMEN.
470
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,939
YOU MARRIED ONE, TOO.
471
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:10,277
(chuckles)
NO, I MARRIED
A LOVELY MIDWESTERN GIRL.
472
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,580
THAT STRONG, INDEPENDENT THING
REALLY BLINDSIDED ME.
473
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,782
(laughs)
(man speaking indistinctly
on TV)
474
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:19,051
AH! THEY JUST CALLED
MICHIGAN FOR OBAMA.
475
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,888
(forced chuckle)
476
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,964
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BOYD?
477
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,400
I DON'T KNOW.
478
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,969
(chuckles) WHAT WAS
YOUR DAD THINKING?
479
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:40,573
I DON'T KNOW.
I WANTED A KITE.
480
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,810
THAT'S A TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE
GIFT FOR A KID YOUR AGE.
481
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,313
HEY, UM...
482
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,080
DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT
IN THE BACKYARD
483
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,316
AND BLOW STUFF UP
WITH A CHERRY BOMB?
484
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,818
YAY!
485
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,755
WHAT ARE WE GONNA
BLOW UP, GRANDPA?
486
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:58,124
(whispers)
GO GET THE ABACUS.
487
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:00,192
OKAY.
36531
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