Original subtitles

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

[ Witches cackle ]

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Aah! Ugh!

Aah!

[ Witches laughing ]

♪♪

Jizzelda: Aaah!

[ Thud ]

I'm sick of you coming home drunk,

slapping me around!

Huh!

We're through!

T-H-R-O-O -- through.

Piece of crap.

[ Flies buzzing ]

Chaffino! More ga-ga water.

I finally left him.

Who?

My boyfriend.

Lady, just drink your drink, and get the hell out.

Well, someone's got a razor in their rectum.

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Retching ]

[ Gulp! ]

Who's that?

That's Prince Lionel, the richest,

most handsomest man in all of Villardia.

You know, they also say he takes the cutest little poopies.

[ Hissing ]

I bet. I got to meet him.

Who has my crayons? Grrr!

I want to color.

Squire, give me my crayons.

I don't have your crayons, sir.

I thought I brought them, but I got all [bleep] up.

[ Grunts ]

Craaaaayyyonnnnns!

Hi, I'm Jizzelda, and I'd really like to marry you.

I think we'd make a great couple.

Ughhh.

[ Laughs ]

Really? You?

You like an average, run-of-the-mill farm pig to me.

What makes you so special?

[ Gulping ]

Well, um, I...

[ Snorting and growling ]

I happen to be a master spinstress.

I can spin straw into crayons.

Crayons, huh?

What else can you do?

I can spin, um...

[ Flies buzzing ]

...hobo hair into...

[ Squeaking ]

...new eye patches!

Oh, really?

Keep talking.

I can spin...

[ Burps ]

...cat fur into...

[ Squeaking ]

...designer plugs.

Plugs? You mean like butt plugs?

Duh.

You intrigue me.

Here's my card.

Be at the castle tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.

Don't be late.

[ Exhales ]

[ Clanging ]

[ Laughing ]

Jizzelda: Ahem.

Ah, there she is -- little Jizzelda,

the Magical Crayon Queen.

Well, ready to go to work?

Work?

I thought we were gonna Netflix and chill.

Soon, baby, uh, but first...

Ugh!

What -- what's happening?

You see all that straw?

I want you to turn all of it into crayons

just like you said you could, and if you can't do it,

I'll chop your head off old-school.

But -- Better recognize.

[ Slam! ]

Oh, Jizzelda.

You really did it this time.

I'll just roll over and wait to die.

[ Crying ]

[ Crackling ]

Jizzelda?

Jizzelda?

Ah! Who said that?

It is I, Rumpelstil-- Ahem.

I mean, Skyler.

Skyler?

I'm here to help you.

Help me escape?

No, to help you turn straw into crayons.

You just have to agree to one thing.

Anything, anything at all.

Watch me lick the toilet.

What? Eww, gross.

All right. I'll be seeing you.

No. Okay, okay, I'll watch.

Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.

[ Slurping ]

Ugh. Eww. [ Cackling ]

Eh.

You're not looking.

Okay, Skyler. I'm looking.

[ Slurping and cackling ]

Gross.

Okay, let's get down to business.

♪ Squibbidy-dee, hoggidy-hoo, ♪

♪ chickity-lickity-loo ♪

♪ I'm making crayons from this straw ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, loo ♪

Ah, oh, my God, Skyler!

Ah! [ Giggling ]

♪ Doobidy-doop! ♪

See you next time, butt slime.

[ Sighs ]

Ah.

Well, pass the ketchup.

Jizzelda, you did it!

I'm gonna give you the biggest reward of your life.

Really?

Oof!

I can't think of any bigger reward

than continuing to serve Prince Lionel.

Now, spin that hobo hair into some new eye patches for me.

Hiyah!

I got through eye patches like babies go through diapers.

[ Slam! ] [ Laughs ]

Scotty?

Scooter?

Where is that short little stack of shit?

[ Clicks tongue ]

Hey, Jizzy, baby.

You looking for me, Rumpelstiltski--

Uh, I mean, uh...Dennis?

Yes. All right.

You want me to watch you lick another toilet bowl?

Oh, no.

This time it's really gonna cost you.

I want you to... sing me a song...

about my butt crack.

Um...[clears throat] okay.

And make it positive.

♪ Your butt crack looks so nice and sweet ♪ Oh.

I bet you shave until it's clean and neat ♪

[ Laughs ] Keep going.

More positive.

♪ If I were the health inspector here ♪

♪ Your butt would get an A and would be all clear ♪

♪ Your cute butt, it smells so clean ♪

♪ Do you wash your ass with Listerine? ♪

♪ And if your butt crack could tell a tale ♪

♪ It would be locked up in cute jail ♪

Oh, yes!

♪ Dibbidy-dink, a-dinkidy-doo ♪

♪ A-choobidy- chubity-choo ♪

♪ Flibbity-flabbity- flubbity-floo ♪

♪ I'm making eye patches for you ♪

Oh, thank you.

You saved me again.

Bye for now, your stupid cow.

Cha, cha!

Hot diggity dog.

You did it again.

This calls for a celebration.

By "celebration," you don't mean shoving me in another --

Aaah!

That's absolutely what I mean.

God dammit.

And if you don't get it done by daybreak,

I'll chop your face off.

[ Slam! ]

Why do I keep falling for this?

Where's that shrimpy magician?

Donny?

Dreyfuss?

Rumpelstiltski-- I mean...Cortez.

Yes.

Boy, am I in a pickle here.

Ah, say no more.

That's what I'm here for.

But first, what can you do for me?

You name it, Corty.

I want your first-born child.

First-born child?

Yeahhh.

Sure, I hate kids.

That's a deal.

Now step aside, scumbag.

♪ Ribbity-mock, miggidy-dugs ♪

♪ Diggity-designer plugs ♪

♪ Designer plugs and tuggedy-tug ♪

♪ Ziggdiy-zoggidy-zugs ♪

Cornelius, you're a real miracle worker.

I'll be back when you push out that first kid.

[ Clicks tongue ]

Pass the ketchup and the mustard.

Trick-baby Jizzelda, you are one magical lady.

Get over here.

I'm gonna give you hugs for the plugs.

Oh, Lionel.

Does this mean we can get married now?

Yes, it does baby.

Ohh.

♪♪

♪ I never knew I could love a baby like you ♪

♪ All of our problems are gone and through ♪

♪ You're like a rose that blooms in the spring ♪

♪ One day you'll grow up to be a wonderful king ♪

♪ You fill my heart with such joy ♪

♪ You are my little one-eyed baby boy ♪

Jizzy, baby?

Now, now, Jizzelda.

We had a deal.

Now fork over that little cyclops.

[ Laughing ] Oh, no. I-I changed my mind.

I like my baby and want to keep it.

That's not how deals work, Jizzelda.

[ Clicks tongue ]

No! Give me back my baby!

Jizzy, Jizzy, Jizzy, I've done so much for you,

and now you want to go back on our deal?

Okay, how about we play a little guessing game?

What kind of guessing game?

Guess my name and keep your kid.

You get three guesses.

Okay.

What was your name?

Um, oh, boy.

Uh, hmm, I...

Weirdo Q. [Bleep]brain?

What? No!

Um, Fartwind Poopswallow.

Ugh! God, no!

What's wrong with you, lady?

Dr. J.R.R. Take-a-shit.

Ha-ha, you're wrong on all three.

The baby's mine.

See you later, Smellavator.

No, don't take my baby, you weird little shitbag!

Oh, you're coming with me, you one-eyed cutie pie.

Hee, hee, hee.

Ew, the hell's wrong with your baby?

[ Growls ]

[ Grunts ]

Ah, my baby.

[ Growling ]

What?

Aah, aah, aah, aah!

Help!

Lionel Junior, your ooze monster saved us.

Aah! What?

Oh, no, not me!

[ Chewing ]

Jizzelda! Baby Lionel!

Cookie. Oh!

Oh, ah, oh, ah!

[ Chewing ]

[ Cooing ]

[ Growling ]

[ Bell tolling ]

[ Crowd chanting "Ooze" ]

♪♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪♪

[ Witch cackles ]

♪♪

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