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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,369
♪ la, la, la, la,
la-la-la, la, la ♪
2
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,104
♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪
3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,406
[ witches cackle ]
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,774
♪ la, la, la, la ♪
5
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,976
♪ la, la, la, la,
la-la-la, la ♪
6
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,511
♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪
7
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,613
♪ la, la, la, la,
la-la-la, la, la ♪
8
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,448
♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪
9
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:18,517
♪ la, la, la, la,
la-la-la, la, la ♪
10
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,085
♪ la, la, la, la, la ♪
11
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:22,121
aah!
Ugh!
12
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,322
Aah!
13
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:34,833
♪
14
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,236
[ hiccups ]
15
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:40,773
I wish I wasn't
such a piece of a-shit.
16
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,643
I wish I had a son to watch
17
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,679
"a-villardia's got talent"
with-a.
18
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,315
[ gasps ]
a son! That's it!
19
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,752
I know, I'll make a-one.
20
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,822
♪ how hard can it be
to make a son for me? ♪
21
00:00:56,824 --> 00:01:02,027
♪ I need a family member
to watch "vgt" ♪
22
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:05,330
so, what will I call you?
23
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:08,934
I know!
Your name is pinocchio!
24
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:13,005
You want to watch
"villardia's got talent"?
25
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,507
Pinocchio?
26
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,210
Are you going to answer me?
27
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,511
[ boing! ]
28
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,314
who am I kidding?
He's not a-real!
29
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:25,317
I'm just an old fool.
30
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,253
[ hiccup ]
31
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:32,357
♪
32
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,460
hello, pop tart.
33
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,061
Who the hell are you?
34
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:40,566
I'm a magical fairy and I'm here
to grant your biggest wish.
35
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,734
You're going to give-a me a son?
36
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,536
You got it, sugar nuts!
37
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,373
I give you, pinocchio,
the gift of life.
38
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,945
[ twinkle! ]
39
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:55,214
[ creaking ]
40
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,750
hiya, pop, where's the slop?
41
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,919
Ouch!
42
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:01,987
Hee hee hee!
43
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,288
My god!
44
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,690
A real --
45
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,759
hey, this isn't a real boy.
46
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:11,530
Screw you, ya dingleberry
poo poo face.
47
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:16,401
[ cackles ]
48
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,371
well, he's not real yet.
49
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,473
Now here's the challenge --
50
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,809
you have three days to turn
51
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:28,714
pinocchio into a sweet, kind,
and polite child.
52
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:34,286
And if you can do that,
I'll turn him into a real boy.
53
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:37,322
But if you can't turn him
into a good boy,
54
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,057
I'll send you both straight to
55
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:42,494
hell where your anuses
will be punished and tortured
56
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,531
by all the nastiest demons
forever and ever.
57
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,065
[ screaming ]
58
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,600
hmm.
59
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,569
That sounds like
a good deal to me.
60
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,404
Okay.
[ thunder crashes ]
61
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:56,408
pinocchio, remember -- be good!
62
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,444
Oh, my god!
63
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,080
[ cackles ]
bad pinocchio!
64
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,582
[ cackles ]
65
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,518
I'll a-teach you
to be a good a-boy.
66
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,889
♪ go to school
and do you work ♪
67
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,091
♪ pay attention
and don't be a jerk ♪
68
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,961
♪ wipe three times
after you take a poo ♪
69
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,430
♪ put on a clean shirt
and a-shine your shoes ♪
70
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,566
oh-ho, oh-ho!
71
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:21,900
Oh-ho!
[ grunts ]
72
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,403
I'm the devil!
I'm the devil!
73
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,940
[ cackles ]
74
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:29,474
pinocchio!
75
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:33,612
Whadda you do?
Ya gotta be a good boy
76
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:37,216
or we're gonna go straight
to hell and our rigatonis
77
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,518
are gonna be
a- leonardo dicaprio'd.
78
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,988
I'm-a trying to teach ya!
79
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,823
See ya, mother****
80
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,959
[ cackles, engine starts ]
81
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:49,361
that's a-my prius.
82
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,364
Ah, ooh, I'm a-bleeding.
83
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,233
[ sighs ]
84
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,435
[ snoring ]
85
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,406
wake up, papa.
86
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,575
I'm sorry I stabbed you.
87
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:08,513
I'll be a good boy from now on.
88
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,915
Ee-hee!
89
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,416
My little boy.
90
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:22,060
♪
91
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,296
I love you, papa.
92
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,497
[ giggles ]
93
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,233
[ cackles ]
aah!
94
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:32,104
[ gasps ]
what time is it?
95
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,941
I've been asleep for two days!
96
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:39,011
[ tires screech ]
97
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:40,512
[ cackles ]
98
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,847
pinocchio!
99
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:45,050
You killed a-this
poor old woman.
100
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:49,054
She was trying to stop me
from being a naughty boy.
101
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,322
[ cackles ]
102
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,990
don't you understand-a?
103
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:56,795
You have to be good or else-a
your poor old a-papa is
104
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:01,867
going to get his-a
sphincterini gabagooled in hell!
105
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,570
Whatever. Get your big fat fart
wagon off the couch.
106
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,906
P- ster needs to sleepster.
107
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:13,278
Okay, you a-sleep while I
a- clean up your brutal crime.
108
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:18,116
♪
109
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,152
[ grunts ]
110
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:25,324
♪
111
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,159
[ grunts ]
112
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,261
[ sighs ]
113
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:38,570
♪
114
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,206
[ snoring ]
115
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:45,977
♪
116
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,612
[ knocking on door ]
[ gasps ]
117
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,682
man: Villardia pd!
Open up!
118
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,551
Good evening, officer.
119
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,252
How can I help you
on this-a fine --
120
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,054
we got a report
that some jack-a-ninny
121
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:59,191
in a prius was running
over old ladies around here.
122
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,892
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about that,
123
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,161
would ya, pops?
Oh, no.
124
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,597
I've-a just been here
with my son
125
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,266
a- watching
"villardia's got a-talent."
126
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,103
huh. I thought you lived here
all alone.
127
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:16,742
Ee, my son's in town
visiting from out of state.
128
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,144
Heh, cute kid.
129
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,746
All right, mr. Gelato.
130
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:22,414
Just, uh, one more thing.
131
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,751
Where's the baby blue prius
that's registered in your name?
132
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,586
I don't see it
in your driveway here.
133
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,054
Oh, I, uh...
134
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,288
I gave it away.
135
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,757
Uh, to the charity.
136
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:36,261
To the, uh...
Kars for kids.
137
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,096
What a wonderful gesture.
138
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,999
So, I guess I'll be seeing you.
139
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,535
Ahh...
140
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,636
One more thing.
141
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,004
...Ahh?
142
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,106
Did kars for kids
give you an lc-99 form?
143
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,708
You know, the form you get
144
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,444
for any charitable donation
over $5,000?
145
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,645
You have that, right?
146
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,047
Yes, the lc-99...
147
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,216
I know it put it around here
someplace.
148
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,619
[ chuckles ]
I've been so busy a-lately
149
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,721
with the holidays coming up.
150
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,889
I'll a-mail it to you.
151
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:06,057
I'm gonna need to see it
now, sir.
152
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,192
I'll wait.
153
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,728
You must a-be so busy
with the holidays.
154
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,764
You know, the holidays
that are a-coming up soon?
155
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,132
You wanna cup-a-da pellegrino?
156
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,768
The paperwork,
mr. Gelato.
157
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,737
Oh, yeah, the paperwork.
158
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,806
It's around here somewhere.
159
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,474
Here's the paperwork.
160
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:25,677
It's-a-the holidays.
161
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,612
Excuse me, sir?
162
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,281
The paperwork?
163
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,284
It's-a-the holidays?
164
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:34,753
Turn around and put your hands
behind your back.
165
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:39,524
No! But the pizza, the pasta,
the pepperoni --
166
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:42,294
[ gasps ]
167
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,362
mama mia!
168
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,597
You smell that, gelato?
169
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,798
[ sniffs ]
170
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,868
smells like bacon.
171
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,237
[ cackles ]
172
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,405
pinocchio!
173
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:56,975
Now you've really got us
in a pickle-di-pizza.
174
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:01,780
Now, help your poor papa
hide-a the body.
175
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,683
Okay, but first we gotta go
to sack-con.
176
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,585
What's a-sack-con?
177
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:09,154
Sack-con these nuts, gelato!
178
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,690
[ cackles ]
a- holy cannoli!
179
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,191
You're an ass-a-hole!
180
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,328
Come over here
and grab his legs.
181
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:22,567
♪
182
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,136
[ grunting ]
183
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,772
♪
184
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:32,143
so? Are you feeling
like a good boy?
185
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,578
Up yours!
186
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,981
[ cackles ]
ah! ****
187
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,415
help!
188
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,086
Aah!
I've a-failed miserably.
189
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:45,223
Our spaghettios will be
fonzarelli'd in hell.
190
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,625
♪
191
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:50,629
hello again,
gelato and pinocchio.
192
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:53,765
Uh, hiya, fairy.
[ chuckles nervously ]
193
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,334
has it been
three whole days already?
194
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,469
It has indeed.
195
00:08:57,471 --> 00:09:01,806
So, pinocchio,
are you a good boy now?
196
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:06,311
I definitely, no doubt, 100%...
197
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:09,481
Am.
198
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,049
♪
199
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,950
ugh.
200
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,752
Hong kong phooey!
201
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,054
What have you done?!
202
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,424
Why you always gotta
murder the people?
203
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,059
I'm sorry, gelato.
204
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,362
You're right.
I'm tired of being bad.
205
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:29,301
I want to be a good boy and do
what's right from now on.
206
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:30,368
Really?
207
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,370
100%.
208
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,874
That's a-what I wanted
to hear this whole time.
209
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,510
[ chuckles ]
help me bury this body
210
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:42,314
and we'll a-start
a new life a-together!
211
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:43,682
Okay, dad!
212
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,584
You take that body outside
213
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,552
and I'll clean up in here.
214
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:50,388
My perfect little boy.
215
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,457
[ grunts ]
216
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,726
[ cellphone dialing ]
217
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,927
villardia pd.
218
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,228
I'd like to be a good boy
219
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,364
and report a triple homicide.
220
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:02,834
My dad's burying
one of the bodies as we speak.
221
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,869
We're sending officers
over right now.
222
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,171
Stand by, son!
223
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,207
[ cackles ]
sucker!
224
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,775
♪
225
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,644
[ grunts ]
226
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,246
[ whimpering ]
227
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,182
officer: Villardia pd!
Put your hands up!
228
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,351
Get your ass on the ground,
mother****
229
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,186
we're gonna shoot you!
230
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:26,191
Pinocchio!
231
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:30,562
Son, are you prepared to testify
against your father
232
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,964
in the court of law?
I sure am.
233
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,966
Does this mean I'm a good boy?
234
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,870
Pinocchio, you're
the goodest boy ever.
235
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,806
I did it!
236
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,942
I'm a real boy!
237
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,977
Hooray! Hooray!
238
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,613
[ pinocchio cackles ]
239
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:58,723
♪
240
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:08,833
♪
241
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:12,003
[ witch cackles ]
242
00:11:12,053 --> 00:11:16,603
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