Original subtitles

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Cackling ]

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Squawking and squeaking ]

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Snorting ] ♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Cackling ]

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Squawks ]

Aah! Ugh!

[ Groans ]

[ Cackling ]

Don't worry, darling.

We'll keep trying and trying until, eventually,

we'll have a family.

You know I'm barren. Ugh!

Get the hell out of here.

♪

[ Gasps ] Kenneth, get in here.

Yes, my dear?

What is that over there?

Um, a homeless man wiping his ass with a turtle?

No, next to that.

A one-legged Eurasian jumping rope.

No! Next to that.

Oh, it looks like a rampion garden.

Yes.

I want some of that delicious rampion.

Get me some.

♪

Ohh...

[ Squeaking ]

Oof!

Ah, rampion.

♪ Da, da, da

What are you doing with my rampion?

Uh, I just wanted to borrow a couple.

You see --

I'll sell them to you for a dollar apiece.

I don't have any money. See --

Well, how about this? We make a deal.

You can have as much rampion as you'd like in exchange for,

oh, I don't know, maybe, like, your firstborn kid?

[ Thinking ] My wife ain't having no kid.

She's as barren as the moons of Mars.

It's a deal.

Darling, I've got a surprise for you.

[ Gasps ] Is that rampion?

Ooh. [ Munching ]

Oh. Is it making you feel better?

I feel better than better.

Take off those pantaloons, you sexy rampion thief.

[ Smooching ]

♪

[ Cries ]

- Aah! - It's a boy!

We did it.

Nothing bad will ever happen to us now that we have a baby.

We're going to live happily ever after.

[ Knock on door ]

Who's that? Tell them to go away.

Hi. Remember me?

Um...

We agreed that you could have as much rampion

as you pleased in exchange for your firstborn child.

Kenneth, what is she talking about?

Don't worry. I'm handling it.

I'm taking that baby.

Over my dead body.

Ha!

[ Both groaning ]

[ Baby talk ]

I'm going to call you Boypunzel.

[ Baby talk ]

Do you want to see something funny, Boypunzel?

[ Laughs ]

♪

♪

[ Chirping ]

♪

♪ My name is Boypunzel

♪ I have such long hair

♪ Alone in this tower for so many years ♪

♪ My hair is a ladder for my mother to climb ♪

♪ No one has hair as long as mine ♪

[ Chirping ]

♪

Boypunzel, Boypunzel, let down your golden hair.

Yes, Mama.

♪

How was your day?

It was fine.

Just a little lonesome, I guess.

Has anyone been up here in the tower with you today?

No. Why do you always ask me that?

It's just small talk.

Jesus Christ, you always get like this.

I'm sorry, Mother.

I guess being cooped up in this tower all day

has me all frizzle-frazzled.

It's okay.

Now come over here and pop my blackheads.

[ Sighs ] All right.

You're hungry, aren't you?

[ Gulps ] Yeah, but these don't taste very good.

Yeah, yeah, just keep eating.

Mother, what's it like outside?

It's terrible out there.

It's nothing but scumbags

and dirtballs and filth merchants.

[ Coughs ] Okay, you've had enough.

[ Stomach rumbling ] You're much safer up here in the tower of happiness.

Yeah, I guess you're right, Ma.

I love you.

I'll be back tomorrow, and remember the one rule.

Don't let anyone inside this tower.

Good-bye.

♪ When will I be happy

♪ And find a love that's true

♪ When will I stop eating blackheads ♪

♪ And not have to swallow their goo ♪

♪ If only I had the power

♪ To leave this lonely tower

♪ And not have to take a shower in this blackhead spew ♪

I'm just a lonely Boypunzel, foo.

Excuse me?

Hello. Don't you know it's illegal

not to have a handicap ramp on this tower?

Really? I didn't know that.

You better find a way to get me up there fast,

or you're going to jail.

My mommy says I'm not allowed to let anyone up here.

That's racism plain and simple.

All right. All right. I'll let down my hair.

What is that supposed to mean?

Behold!

[ Gasps ] Whoa.

Climb up.

[ Grunting ] Ouch, my arms.

I'm not going to make it. Help me.

Hold on.

Aah! Ow, ow, ow, owie.

Whoa.

Do you live up here all by yourself?

My mom says I need to stay up in this tower

because it's too dangerous out there.

What do you do all day?

I sing songs. I make friends out of bird poop.

Ew! And sometimes my mom comes up here,

and I pop her blackheads and eat them like cherries.

You got to get out more.

But I'm scared.

There's no reason to be scared when you're with me.

Come on, Boypunzel.

I'm going to show you the world.

- Aah! - Whoa!

Ah!

[ Both laugh ]

♪ This and that and those and these ♪

♪ Everything here is to please

♪ The world is great, now don't you see ♪

♪ Living in the tower is so crappy ♪

♪ You are cute and so hairy

♪ This and that and those and these ♪

♪ Everything here is to please

♪ The world is fun and not scary ♪

That was the greatest time I've ever had in my life!

Me, too!

What do you say we run away together,

and you leave this tower behind forever?

Uh, I don't know about that.

Plus, my mom needs me to pop her blackheads.

Don't worry about her.

It's time for you to take control of your own life.

You're right.

It's time for me to stop being a Boypunzel

and start being a Manpunzel.

Kiss me, Manpunzel.

Mother: Boypunzel, Boypunzel.

Ah, shit!

- Quick, you've got to hide. - Let down your golden hair.

But I'm afraid of the d--

What took you so long?

Is somebody up here?

No way, Mama Dukes.

Are you **** with me, old school?

No. No. New school, no ****.

[ Sighs ] Okay. I believe you.

[ Sighs ] [ Pop! ]

Aah!

What was that?

Aha!

Boypunzel, who is this Jezebel?

Princess Jezebel, and I think it's appalling

that you keep this wonderful boy cooped up here in this tower.

Oh, do you? Well, **** you.

- Aah! Ow! Aah! - Mother! Stop!

I think I love her.

How dare you betray me?

Aah! Make it stop. It hurts. Aah!

Mom, what have you done?

You turned Jezebel into a watermelon.

Ha ha ha! You dope! I'm not even your mother.

Your mother was a rampion-addicted whore,

and your father was a thief and a pussy.

I kept you up in this tower all these years

to be my blackhead-eating slave.

[ Laughs ]

Do you want to see something funny, Boypunzel?

No!

[ Roars ]

[ Gasps ]

Don't kill me, Boypunzel.

I've looked after you your whole life.

I might not be your real mother, but I still love you very much.

Aw.

Come and give me a kiss.

Oh, Mother.

Die, Boypunzel!

I told you, I'm not Boypunzel anymore.

I'm Manpunzel.

Rah!

♪

Aah!

♪

Jezebel, there's no reason to be scared when we're together.

I don't even care if you're a watermelon.

I'll love you forever.

♪ La la la la la la la

Jezebel, you're alive, and you're walking.

**** a chair.

Your kiss healed me.

Now, come on. We've got to get out of here

before this whole place burns down.

Let's go live happily ever after.

I love you, Manpunzel.

[ Laughing ]

♪ La la la la la la

[ Cackling ]

♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪

[ Cackling ]

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