All language subtitles for Hows.Your.Head.Hun.S01E05.WEB.h264-WEBTUBE_track3_eng

So much happened! I baked a cake
that jizzed Skittles. Top that.

Jizzed Skittles, that's funny.
It jizzed Skittles.

All right, here we go.

SHE CLEARS THROAT

# Me-me-me, me-me-me! #

# I was living my life
just like you

# Then this Rona hit
and said stay home, boo

# With my hubby, my daughter
and two little dogs

# Washing my hands
and sterilising knobs

# FaceTiming friends
Doing TikToks for fun

# Let's check in with each other

# How's your head, hun? #

On today's episode,
we're celebrating Pride month.

I'm going to have an intimate chat
with a great Alan Cumming...

It's a normal part
of scrotal ageing. What?

..and later I'm going to find out
what

Radio One DJ Nick Grimshaw has
been up to during quarantine.

I'll perform!

And we're going to FaceTime
to Dundee, Scotland

to get these two adorable
Scottish lads married.

How's your head, hun? No complaints.

Aren't they just the cutest?

Hey, everybody,
welcome in to the show.

Very exciting because it's
officially Pride month!

And listen, I know with everything
that's going on in the world,

Pride has basically been cancelled,
but not in the Visage household.

Pride is important to me for many,
many reasons,

obviously for the world and
for LGBTQIA plus community at large,

but we have our older daughter,
Lillie, who is gay,

and I want this world to be
as accepting

and as wonderful as it can be.

So I would love if you joined me.

Put on something to celebrate Pride
-

a rainbow, some bright colour,
bake a cake, have a cocktail

because Pride is something
that needs to be celebrated

and celebrated big,
so let's do it together.

Hello, everyone, it's Alan Carr,

and I just want to wish you
a very happy Pride.

Just keeps spreading that love,
that positivity and just being you,

because being you is special.

Why are you sitting there?

I want to give them the news first.

I put out a Pride message asking
if anybody wanted me to marry them,

because I am an ordained minister.

If you'd like me to preside
over your wedding virtually,

hit me up and let's do this.

We got so many applicants
and we've got the perfect couple.

They were planning to get
married during Pride this year,

but of course,
Covid took that away from them.

They have no idea
that I picked them,

so we're going to call them
now and surprise them with the news!

Oh, hey, boys. Oh, hi.

Oh, hello there. How are you?

Good, feeling a little bit gagged.
Yeah. Are you?

That's good, cos guess what!
BOTH: What?

I'm going to marry
you beautiful boys.

THEY LAUGH, STREAMER SQUEALS

Oh, my God!
Thank you so much! Thank you!

It was supposed to have happened
on the seventh of June,

exactly one year from
when we got engaged at Pride.

Ever since we met, you've been doing
everything to make me

a better person, and I have a very
important question for you.

SCREAMING, CHEERING

Oh, my God! Look at this!
Alan, what do you say?

Yes, he says yes, everybody!

CHEERING

And then it just couldn't happen.
It was all cancelled.

So we're going to take control
of this situation

and we are going
to get you boys married

so you don't have to worry about
anything else except your future.

How does that sound? That sounds...
Incredible. ..magical. Yay!

We've got this phrase
in Scotland, like,

what's for you won't go by you.

And so it feels like, even though
it was meant to be cancelled,

it's going to happen anyway.
It feels really fortuitous.

Ah, good!

I'm so excited! This is just...
Yeah. I don't know, indescribable.

Con-drag-ulations to you both.
I'm really, really excited.

Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you! Bye! Yay!

How sweet are they?

Hi, everyone, it's The Vivienne,
I just want to send you all

a little message because even though
we are locked in the house,

we can still celebrate
the Pride for the community,

and just have fun with it.

Have a fabulous Pride.

It's time for another edition of
My Husband David Shows Me The News.

You ready for more news? I'm ready
for more! Here comes more news! OK.

YouTuber Ryley Isaac decided
to give her dad

a drag queen makeover... Love it.
..while in lockdown.

Michelle, give us your critique.
OK. Is the face beat?

Oh, listen to you trying to be all,
"I'm down with the queens."

I'm very down with the queens.
Oh! She did a good job!

He looks amazing, and he actually
look like he's living,

like, living his best life.

Make-up artists and/or drag queens
are artists.

I'm not good at it. I'm a shart-ist.

IN DEEP VOICE: Next interesting
news story.

Oh, is that your thing now?
Yeah, you like that voice?

No. I'll move on. A Thailand man
with a flip...

A what? A Thailand man... OK.

..with a flip-flop fetish... Oh!
..was arrested after stealing

more than 100 pairs that he then
had sex with. He would wear...

Hold on a minute, hold on,
hold on, hold on. OK.

You're a man. How would you,
as a man, make love to a flip-flop?

Easily, as long as they're not
Crocs.

Actually, I think
you'd have better luck with Crocs.

More of a tighter fit,
if you know what I'm saying.

No, Crocs are just weird and alien
to me. Your Crocs are safe.

Glad to know it.
Everybody's got their thing, hun.

Maybe we have him on next week!

OK, we'll fly him in from Thailand.

THEY LAUGH

OK, got another one. OK.

IN DEEP VOICE: Here's the next
story! Wow!

Thank you. That's my,
sort of, radio voice.

Yeah, it's great, you should work
on that.

IN DEEP VOICE: I'm going to
work on it!

Turn up the volume
and rip off the knob! Thank you.

You know what knob you should
rip off? Do not say that.

According to a new study,
people with the names

John and Kate are most likely
to be famous. Really?

There are a whopping 546 famous
Johns. I know a lot of famous Johns.

Oh, I bet. And 232 Kates.

And in other news,
according to Urban Dictionary,

women with the name Michelle...
Yeah? ..are described as flawless.

Oh, my God! Urban Dictionary
is so always right.

I actually made that up
so I could get laid. Oh.

IN DEEP VOICE: Got another story,
ba-ba-ba-ba! No.

No to the trumpets. It's not
really a trumpet. What was it?

It was me, it was ba-ba-ba-ba!
You were doing a trumpet.

Ba-ba-ba-ba. I guess so. Yeah.

Monty Python fans rejoice. Why?

People all over the world have
brought the famous comedy sketch,

The Ministry Of Silly Walks,
to life. Oh, no.

And, Michelle,
do you want to see my silly walk?

You've got your own silly walk?
Yes. OK.

His silly walk, I think,
went something like this.

My silly walk goes a little
bit more like...

Like that. You're welcome.
Who taught you that?

Your teacher taught you that
in Juilliard?

Yeah, I was in, like, clown class or
something. Oh. Physical comedy.

Was that physical comedy? It wasn't
great physical comedy.

Do you have one? No. Come on.
My silly bone is broken.

Honey, silly walk. No, I'm good.

IN DEEP VOICE: Da-da-da-da!

That was the news!

SHE LAUGHS

IN DEEP VOICE: Thank you for the
news, David! You're very welcome!

Until next time! Da-da-da-da!

Did anybody think for one second
that I was going to do a silly walk?

MUSIC: Scotland The Brave

by Harry Lauder

So we found out yesterday that

Michelle Visage is going to ordain
our wedding for us.

So it's going to be
a garden wedding,

so we're just going to try
and get the garden nice and tidy.

Finlay's busy digging up
the old stones.

I'm busy weeding the borders.

We're going to be planting some
more stuff down here.

Getting everything done.

So that is the stone scraped away
from the path

that will make our aisle
that we will walk down tomorrow!

It's going to look good. We've got
some more stuff going in here.

And then hopefully some
kind of decoration here.

We have been hearing
our neighbours offering up plants

and sweeping the entire street
so that it is clear and beautiful.

We're experimenting
with some curtain to create

a bit of an archway
around our front door.

It's going to look lovely, though.

This is 36 hours, dirty scrubbing
kind of a wedding day. Yeah.

As long as we're clean tomorrow,
it's fine. It's all good.

Hi, this is Denise Van Outen.

I just want to wish you all
a happy Pride.

Enjoy it, smile and celebrate!

Today's guest is a
Tony award-winning actor.

He's an LGBTQIA plus activist,
he is eclectic, he is magical

and he is an international
sex symbol.

He is the one and only Alan Cumming.
Hello, darling!

Hello, Michelle, what a nice
introduction. Happy Pride!

Happy Pride to you, lovely Michelle!
How are you doing?

I'm good, baby.

How's your head, hun? Pretty good,
you know, I'm actually, uh...

Pretty happy where I...
Do you want to see where I am?

Yeah, where are you?

I'm in my house, Upstate New York,
in the Catskills.

Oh, Cripes. Just a log cabin.

SHE GASPS

And then here's my little
fern garden. Oh, I love it.

And there's my view. Oh, Alan!
St... Is that a trampoline?

Yeah, it's my trampoline.
Do you go on the often? Yeah!

Do you flip and stuff?

It's one of those exercises
that you do it

for, like, a minute and you need
to go and have a lie down.

It's great. I love it. Right.
Yeah, they call it a rebounder.

It's supposed to be really good
for, like, your insides.

Innards. I would imagine.
Your balls certainly disappear

when you've been on it
for a bit.

That happens to me all the time,

Alan, my balls always disappear.

DOG BARKS

Oh! That's Jerry. Oh. I love it!
My dog.

Can I leave you here for a minute?
Leave me here and go get Jerry.

Now, this is attractive.

That's my favourite angle!
Oh, they're...

Oh, you've got two!
This is Jerry and Lala.

Oh, my God, you have to get Daisy.
Which one's Jerry?

Little one is Jerry, this is Lala.

Oh, my God, bless him,
look at his face! I know.

Go on, Jerry. Mine's...

Oh, look! Who's that? It's Daisy,
Daisy looks like Lala! Yeah.

Lala, this is Daisy. Look at Daisy.
Daisy. What a cutie.

Yay! OK, you've got to go now,
Daisers. Go to daddy. OK.

Um, let's talk about Club Cumming.
What's the status during lockdown?

I see that you were auctioning off
a bunch of your old movie props

and stuff for the Club Cumming
Community Chest.

Yes, so Club Cumming's my bar.
It's a cabaret bar, performance bar.

So fun. And so obviously
we're closed down now. Yeah.

I started the Club Cumming
Community Chest

as a way to get, raise money
for our staff and performers.

People have been hilarious.

Like, Amy Sedaris auctioned off
a pair of her panties

from the Strangers With Candy movie.
Yes!

And, uh, oh, Dan Radcliff did
give us a Harry Potter book

that he'd signed. Oh, I auctioned
off my teeth from X-Men.

Yes! The teeth I wore. Yes!
I love that!

It's been kind of an amazing
thing to see how people rally

in all sorts of ways.

You realise what a great,
true community we're in.

Oh, absolutely. Just people really
look after each other. Absolutely.

June is Pride month. I am marrying
this beautiful Scottish couple.

Oh, really? They're from Dundee.
Shut up, that's where I...

I went to work in Dundee.
I used to write the horoscopes

for the Dundee Telegram.
Oh, no way!

They are lovely. Their names are
Alan and Finlay, so if you could...

Wait, They're not yoga people,
are they? Yes! Do you know them?

He's, he's the yoga...does yoga
with a kilt. I'm marrying them!

I didn't... I've never met them,

but we've talked on Instagram
cos of... Yes. Oh, how funny!

Oh, they're getting married,
that's so lovely! Yes!

What a small world. Such, such
hotties as well. I know, oh, I know.

How do you normally celebrate Pride?

Last year we went to see Madonna.
she was playing on the Pier.

Yeah, she did the Pier dance!

She did, yeah, and I ran into
my dermatologist,

uh, with his top off and sweating
and eyes, pupils dilated.

And he goes like, "Alan!"

It's funny because the previous time
I had gone to see him,

I was having a little examination
downstairs.

Yeah. And I saw these
two little red dots,

and I said, "Is this.. Is this
all right? I'm a bit worried."

And he went, "Oh, don't.
It's fine, Alan.

"It's a normal part
of scrotal ageing."

The way he... And it's just...
Oh, I couldn't believe it.

And then I see him, you know,
dancing away at the Pier dance.

So before we go, I want to...

You've been in the business
for decades, and I've loved you

for many, many years, been obsessed
with everything that you've done.

I'm going to ask you if these roles
were played by you or not.

Easy, right? Oh, God. I hope so. OK.

GAME SHOW MUSIC PLAYS

Here we go. The role of Gutsy Smurf,
was this you?

That was me. The role of Alexis.

Was that what I was called
in Burlesque? Yes!

That's what you were called and
you should remember! I love that.

The role of Mr Jonathan Watson,
was this you?

No. Well done.

The role of Fegan Floop,
was this you?

Oh, you mean in Spy Kids?
Yes, it was!

And being a mother of two kids
that grew up in that time,

that was always on repeat
in this house.

Oh, you know, that really
changed

the whole way that young people
approach me.

But what... I wond... Go on.
Really funny,

this past summer I was making this
thing in Albuquerque, and I...

One day, there was a new,
young camera assistant

and he said to me, "Alan, Alan,
I just wanted to say,

"I've been meaning to say it."
And I said, "Yes."

And he went, "You touched me a lot
when I was a little boy."

And I was like, "Never repeat that!"

Nooo!

And finally, the role of Piers,
what's this you?

In the Spice Girls film?
Yes, it was you! OK, Piers...

How fun was that for you?
A total hoot.

A total hoot, cos I'd done,
I'd just...

I'd finished the Stanley Kubrick
film, Eyes Wide Shut.

What was that like for you
doing that movie?

You know, it was all these stories
in the press at the time that,

you know, you weren't allowed
to look in Tom Cruise's eyes...

Is it true? No, totally not true.
Oh.

And, uh, but he was absolutely
charming. Such a darling.

And then Stanley, who was supposed
to be this big, scary person,

you know, cos on the first day
I said to him...

Cos I'd never met him,
I'd only ever done it on tape,

the auditions,
loads of audition.

And on the first day of filming,
he went...

IN AMERICAN ACCENT: "You're not
American!"

All like this.
And I was like, "I know."

And he went, "You were
American on the tape!" Like that.

And I was like, I went, "Yeah,
that's because I'm an actor." Yes!

Like, drop the mic.

I can't thank you enough for taking
your time out of your day.

Please stay well, stay healthy,
and I will talk to you soon.

All right, darling,
lovely to talk to you, see you.

Thank you so much, sweetheart. Bye!

To celebrate the wedding of
Alan and Finlay,

I've decided we want to eat
wedding cake as well in this house.

So I've always wanted to make
one of those Pride rainbow cakes.

I am the shittest
baker on the planet.

I have a very good friend. His name
is chef Jaime Laurita.

He's toured the world
with Arrowsmith, Sting,

Sarah McLachlan, Madonna,

so he's going to coach me through
making the gayest cake on Earth.

Hi. Hi, Jaime. Ah, look at Jaime!

What are you, Madonna?
Half an hour late, bitch?

Before we start, Lola,
will you come help me on this

cos there's no way I'm going to
be able to do this alone.

I'm going to show you
the inspiration,

so that's showing what it is
supposed to look like when it's cut.

You're ridiculous!
Is your oven preheated?

Oh, shoot, that's for cupcakes. No.

Do either one of you know
how to turn the oven on? Yes!

The oven is on? Yes.
We're baking? Yeah. Mm-hm.

All right, with the, with the...
It's on.

Hold on, it looks like she set
it for broil. Hold on. Don't...

Wait, did I? Do we broil a cake
or do we bake a cake?

We bake a cake, chef Jaime.
Well, do you want it crispy?

No. Oh, boy. OK, four cups of flour.

Can someone help me? I can't...

Lola can't get the vanilla open.
Can someone help me?

It's starting to look curdled!

It is? Yeah. Yes.

Just keep going. OK.

Oh, nice! Mom! Good, right?

So, Jaime, moving on to colouring my
batter... This is the fun part. OK.

Just add a drop in at a time. Lola,
why you all up in my space?

Bro, it's not personal.
Green and red going in!

TICKING

Six beautiful, cooled layers
of cake. They're kind of domed.

OK, so what we're going to do is
we're going to cut their heads off.

Oh, shit, I knew you were
going to say that!

Go for it, Michelle, don't be
afraid. I'm going balls deep, Jaime.

Ah!

Pretty good, Jaime! Ah-ha! OK, now,
Lola, get a glass like this.

This is the hole for the Skittles.

Nice. Great.
All the layers are done.

How's your frosting? Jaime,
it is looking so good.

You're going to be
so freaking proud of me.

I'ma Skittle this bitch.
Fill that hole!

Some have tried. Few have succeeded.
I can't say the same thing.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God, it's so cute, Jaime.

Look at that! I did it! Look at you!

So when you cut into it, clearly

the Skittles are going to shit
out of it. Right out of it.

You killed it. Michelle, you have
the proudest look on your face.

I'm so proud right now!

HE LAUGHS

Hi, guys, it's Rylan, just wishing
you all a very happy Pride 2020.

Celebrate, dance, sing,
roll yourself in glitter and enjoy,

because you know what?

You've earned it!

Look what has just
arrived at our front door.

So we're getting closer
and closer to a dressed alter.

Mr and Mrs? This is going to become
Mr and Mr.

Beautiful! That'll do.

It's going to be
completely incredible,

and I can't wait to share
the rest of my life with Finlay.

Started off amazing and it keeps
continuing to get better and better.

Happy Pride, everyone,
here from lockdown in London.

I know it's virtual,
but have a fantastic time.

Mwah! Happy Pride!

# Pride. #

It's the Pride addition of Tea time,

so I had to make myself
kind of fabulous.

Courtney Love wore this
on Drag Race. Get out of here.

Yep, so it's got stories to tell.

Let's hear what the people
have to say.

Here we go.

Rosie writes, "Michelle, this year
was going to be my first Pride.

"I just came out last year."
Aw, Rosie.

"I am so sad I won't be able
to celebrate.

"What should I do
to cheer myself up?"

Well, Rosie, congrats on your
coming out cos that's a big step,

but also you can celebrate.

Dress up. You can decorate.
You can bake a cake.

You can do something
that makes you feel good.

It's a big deal. So do something
that makes you feel proud that day.

Teddy asks, "Michelle, after months
in quarantine,

"it's your first night out.

"What's the first song you want
to hear on the dance floor?"

Oh, that's a good one. Well, for me
it would be anything by Madonna.

Chi Chi LaRue,
who will play some good '80s music

and '90s music. Classic disco
from the '70s, that makes me happy.

To get everybody dancing, I would
love to see, like, an Ah-ba song.

Or Abba, even. Yeah, or Abba.
That group is great too.

What's Ah-ba? Yes.

Poppy writes, "I finally came out
to my family and best friend."

Oh, good, Poppy.

"Is it important for me to come
out to everyone in my life?

"Is it doing a disservice to not be
out in every space I am in?"

No, because I think
as long as you are out

and not closeted, you're still doing
the same thing without

banging a pot and pan or marching
in a parade.

You just being out is the
biggest service that you can do

to yourself, so well done to you,
Poppy,

and if you feel the need
to come out to everybody,

by all means,
shout it from a mountaintop.

I just noticed that this is
a left-handed teacup. That's odd.

Cos I keep wanting to hold it
this way cos I'm a righty,

but the thing is on the left side.

And I was like, "Why when I drink
this do I feel uncomfortable?"

You can't just turn it around,
spin it around?

Well, then you won't see
where it says diva.

Well, maybe you were supposed to be
looking at it yourself. No.

OK, Luca asks, "Michelle,
not to put you on the..."

Does Luca live on the second floor?

I knew you were going to go there.
I just knew it. I'm just checking.

Luca asks, "In your opinion,

"which city throws the best
Pride celebration?" Ah!

So I know what I know,
and I know what I've heard.

And what I know is I'm a New Yorker
through and through,

so I'm going to say New York City.

But Tel Aviv is supposed to be
the largest in the world

and the most incredible.
I haven't gone.

London Pride is amazing.

I've never met a Pride
I didn't love.

Daisy's joined the party.
Oh, look who joined us!

Our newest rescue baby.
Are you ready for this?

Alice asks, "Marry, fuck, kill -

"Britney Spears, Lady Gaga,
Christina Aguilera."

OK.

I would fuck Britney Spears,

I would marry Lady Gaga,

and I would...
Sorry, sorry, Xtina.

Oof. Oof.

SHE LAUGHS

Wow. I kind of thought you
were going to, like,

get rid of Britney somehow,
but I just... I love Britney!

Where do you think
you would be on their list?

Some of them might want to kill me.
Understandable. OK.

Oh, what do you mean understandable?
No, no, nothing. Just... Moving on.

Right. I have no more questions.
Oh, that's it!

If you guys have questions,
obviously we love them.

I love them. This is my favourite
part of this entire show.

Keep them coming in and I'll
hopefully get to yours next week!

Hi, Daisy!

Be proud of yourself.

Be proud of others
and be proud of your community.

Pride is every day and today
we celebrate it. Happy Pride.

Today's guest... Ow, ow.
David, what the fuck?

Ow! I'm trying to make sure
this is recording.

OK, everything's recording.

Why isn't the video on?

Dammit.
So hard to see from this angle. OK.

Today's guest is why
I just love a northerner.

He has an accent that makes me melt,
and you'll hear it now.

Please welcome BBC One radio legend,

it's Nick Grimshaw! Hi! Hi!

How are you? How's your head, hun?
No complaints. Yes!

Well, actually, one or two.

Honey, I've had more than one or two
over the years. How are you?

Oh, I'm wonderful, how are you?

You're still in studio.
You just got off the air?

You were just a guest on my show,
a pre-recorded guest,

so we just played that out. I've
decided we need you on every day.

Babe.
I properly was laughing my ass off.

But there's nobody in the building,

and there's normally like
250 people here. Right.

It feels like London, media,
and you're like, "I'll perform!"

And then you're just coming in

and, like, no-one's here, like
no-one.

We did a few weeks ago,

because we've been like struggling
on the old content. Oh, yeah!

Because I've been doing nothing,

nobody listening has been doing
anything.

Right. So at, like, week eight,
you're like...

So we decided to do home commutes.
OK.

So we were like, "If you're
working from home,

"we're going to chronicle
your commute

"from your kitchen office to your
living room."

And we like put traffic sound
effects in,

and we thought it was really funny

and then the next day I was like,
"We shouldn't do that again.

"It was totally shit." Yeah.

So we've been getting loads
of stories from people

who are doing, like,
I don't know, like,

crazy DIY haircuts
and they've decided...

Don't point. I'm pointing because...
No, not you.

I've not done this since...
What you've done to your boyfriend.

Oh, yeah... Well, this was at home,
obviously, as you can tell.

It's got that kind of Madonna vibe,
True Blue, but grown out. Right?

Italians do it better. Yes!
That's the one!

Now, what did you do to your
boyfriend? Why...? Are you OK?

Are you having a stroke there?
Are you all right?

That was my Madonna.
Oh, great, it was exact...

It was like looking at Madonna.
Hello! Ever heard of her?

So you did, you're quarantining
with who, your boyfriend?

Yeah, my boyfriend Mesh.

He's a dancer, so he's been,
um, off since March, I think now.

What kind of a dancer?

He's a ballet dancer. Male ballet
dancers' bodies are unbelievable.

It's like this.

SHARP KNOCKS

100%, but what is he doing?

No, he's annoying because he does
fuck all and looks like a statue.

And I work out every day
and look like a blob.

So he does nothing and he's like,
"I fancy a six-sausage roll." Stop!

Straight up, Michelle!
Like straight up. Will not work out.

I said, "Shall we go for a run?"
He's like, "No."

His argument is that he's been
dancing since he was a kid.

Cos I didn't do any exercise
until I was like 30. Right.

Just didn't do it.
Yeah, same here, same here.

So Pride month is upon us.

What advice would you give the kids
coming out right now

who are in lockdown and not feeling
good about themselves?

It's a tricky time to do it

because there's
a lot of things to process

and a lot of feelings and emotions
and thought processes

for both of you to go through,
you and your parents,

so take your time with it,
and, I don't know,

just be honest and open, I guess,
is all you can be.

I was pretty lucky, I think, in that
I never even thought to come out.

Like, in our house, I was
straight up like never into, like,

anything remotely heterosexual.
Right.

I liked Gloria Estefan and Cher.

Same. So I think my mum
and dad knew from, like, five,

so I didn't come out to them.
Thank you for that. Yeah.

I can't think you enough
for spending your time with me.

I can talk to you forever.
Thank you for coming on my show.

Oh, thanks for having me.
Bye! I'll see you soon! Bye! OK.

The dog food's been delivered,
just FYI, David.

Today is the big day.

I have the honour of marrying
Alan and Finlay in Scotland,

but, you know, it's not official
until I put my officiant's robe on.

And, of course, it's a
Michelle Visage officiant, so...

..my robe is leopard-print.

DRUM ROLL, SHE SQUEALS

DRUM ROLL CONTINUES

MUSIC: Wedding March
by Felix Mendelssohn

Let's marry these guys.

SHE COUGHS

Oh, honey. This looks beautiful!
Doesn't it look great?

This is so lovely.

DOGS BARK

The dogs even love it.

They're screaming
for Alan and Finlay.

Honey, do you want
to get married again?

No, I'm good. One more time!

No, I'm good!

All right, Alan,
time to get dressed.

You get your kilt, I've got mine.

Putting on the kilt
one buckle at a time.

36 hours ago, we were looking at

waiting a year to get married,

and now our entire community has
rallied together.

Look at this!

People putting out flowers for us.

Everybody's got an occasion
to dress up for.

And that's something we've just not
had. And it's gorgeous.

Shall we? Let's go get married!

BAGPIPE PLAYS

Ah, that so beautiful!

Welcome, everybody,

to the marriage of the most gorgeous
couple I have ever seen.

And of course, boys wearing skirts,
I feel right at home.

THEY LAUGH

When it comes to finding that
special person in your life,

there is a saying,

"When it's right, it's right,
honey."

And being here, at least virtually
with you two, you are right.

Now, friends, family,

do you all promise to support Alan
and Finlay in their marriage,

love them and 100% completely
Stan this 'ship? Let me hear you!

THEY CHEER

Alan and Finlay, I just wanted to
take a moment to acknowledge

that by having this wedding
during Pride,

and by refusing to be upstaged
by an international pandemic,

you are sharing something very
special with the world.

You're sharing your love. With that,
let's get to the good part.

Alan, do you take Finlay to be the
one,

the one you hold above all others,

the one you hold in the highest
regard and the one you hold

when he needs to be held, first
and foremost in your heart and soul?

Yes, I do. Finlay,

do you take Alan to be
the one,

the one you hold above all others,

the one you hold
in the highest regard

and the one you hold
when he needs to be held,

first and foremost
in your heart and soul?

Without a doubt, yes.
Oh, I love that.

Get them out, and I'm talking about
your rings.

THEY LAUGH

Look him in the eyes
and shove it on.

It's on. It's shoved.
OK, Finlay, Alan,

you did it. You're married.

You may kiss the groom!

CHEERING, APPLAUSE

Friends and family,
I present to you

for the first time
as a married couple,

Alan Lambie and Finlay Wilson!

Mwah! Congratulations!

APPLAUSE

That was lovely, honey. They're
gorgeous. That was great. Bye!

It's like sending my kids off
to school.

That was amazing.

BAGPIPE PLAYS

Alan and Finlay were the most
beautiful married couple,

that was so wonderful.

And I'll tell you what, we have this
incredible cake waiting to be cut.

David is dying for some Pride cake,

and I'm dying to see how it came
out. So let's do this, shall we?

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

Nice.

OK, this is actually food porn

cos we're going to get a money shot.

Not that I know anything about porn.
It's slow-moing. Ah, I'm so scared!

Oh, oh, oh. I heard them,
did you hear them? Uh-huh.

MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS

Well, they didn't come pouring out.
Huh. That's weird.

There they are, there they are!
Come on out.

SLOW-MOTION GROANING

I thought it was going to go poof!

No, I'm glad it didn't, but look how
pretty the actual cake looks

by the way. That, honey,
you did an amazing job. Yay!

You put in so much effort.

A little bit of Skittle in my...

It's really good. Is it? Mm-hm.
Swear? Swear.

You wouldn't lie. He wouldn't
lie.

I'm going to eat fast,
so it's going to look really slow.

Om, om. It's really good, actually,
with the Skittles.

Oh, ah! Success! Yeah!

There's more love in the world!

I wish we could be a fly on the rest
of their wedding

just to see how happy they're
and what they're doing.

You want to be a fly on their
wedding, or a fly on the wall? No.

Fly... At the wedding.

A fly on their wedding cake.

We had so much fun this week,
we did so much!

We got to marry a couple
halfway across the world

in Scotland, I got to bake my first
Pride cake,

and I did it from scratch.

I can't believe it,
it even jizzed Skittles. Top that!

Also what I loved about it was that

these boys wanted to get
married no matter what.

No global pandemic,
no Ms Rona coming to town,

nothing was going to stop them
from their happy day.

You did an amazing job. Thanks,
honey. Thanks for all your help too.

You're welcome. So I encourage you,
please,

celebrate Pride in any way
that you know how.

By yourself, with people on Zoom,
with your mom and dad,

with your significant other,
just celebrate, OK?

Happy Pride, everyone,
see you next Tuesday!

It's so beautiful, that arch you did
and... Hold on a minute.

There's dog poop over there. What?

I thought you said you picked up
all the...

Was that there the whole time?

Oh, my God, David!

Come say hi to Nick. I keep pointing
to you like you're not...

That's David. Hi. Hi!
How are you? How are you?

We watched your TV show last night,
by the way, we saw you on the telly.

What'd you think? Look, we really,
we really loved it,

and when we got into bed at one,
I was like,

"Should we watch,
How's Your Head, Hun?" Oh!

And we were like, "Yeah." And we
really, we honestly proper loved it.

Like we thought it was so good
and so funny and pacey

and, like, really fun. Thanks, Nick.
Who's your favourite? We loved it.

Who's your favourite?
You, obviously! Oh, stop it!