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Tawny Young reporting
live from Gotham City Hall
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00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:27,059
as the mayor,
in a rare public appearance,
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00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,728
has come out
to honor the heroes
4
00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:31,864
who fought so bravely
in the Battle of Gotham.
5
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,301
I present you each
with a key to the city.
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00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,804
There you go, Superman
and, of course, Wonder Woman
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and Batman.
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00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:40,473
Check out that grip.
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00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,075
There you go, space cabbie.
10
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,210
Couldn't have
done it without you.
11
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,359
Who the fuck are these guys?
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00:00:44,359 --> 00:00:45,746
Commissioner Gordon,
what do you think
13
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,280
of this beautiful ceremony?
14
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,448
I'm just so honored to be
getting a key to the city
15
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,283
seeing as I was
here the whole time
16
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,652
protecting lives.
17
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:54,454
The Mayor's probably
saving the best for last
18
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,189
like I did with
the Mission Impossible movies.
19
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,624
I watched one first
20
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,792
-but then I went to four--
-Mmm-hmm. Let's listen.
21
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,262
There's one last person
I need to thank today.
22
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,697
If it weren't for him,
our city would still be riddled
23
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,233
with supervillains.
24
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,468
This mustachioed
servant of the people
25
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,670
may not have powers
26
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,272
but, man, he sure is super.
27
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,340
That's right, citizens.
28
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I hereby honor myself.
29
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-[public cheering]
-What? What about me?
30
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We helped this city together.
31
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Not him.
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00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,515
Seriously,
I think I've seen this guy
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00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,617
like one other time,
like, ever.
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00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,686
[theme music playing]
35
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:32,325
Dr. Psycho, check.
36
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,128
Riddler, check.
Welcome back, by the way.
37
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,496
Harley Quinn!
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00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,132
[scoffs] Don't tell me...
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You're not supposed to be here.
40
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,536
Is anyone supposed
to be anywhere?
41
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,670
Oh, you wanna talk about it?
42
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,772
Maybe over a fruit cup.
43
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:45,893
Nah... [sighs]
44
00:01:45,893 --> 00:01:47,406
I wanna be alone
with my thoughts.
45
00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:49,509
Don't worry about me.
I'll break out when I'm done.
46
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,210
I'm just going through
a personal crisis.
47
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:52,778
Actually, I'll take
that fruit cup though.
48
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,915
Well, fruit cup
in exchange for conversation.
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00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,917
Sort of linchpin
of this whole social contract.
50
00:01:57,016 --> 00:02:00,375
-So... I'm gonna go.
-[sighs]
51
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,689
Look, thank you for giving
me a chance to talk to you.
52
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,325
-[sighs]
-Why did you do it?
53
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:08,193
[stutters] I don't know.
I fucked up.
54
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,463
I wish I had a better answer.
55
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,698
I love you.
56
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,234
That Harley stuff
was a stupid fling
57
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:15,531
and a mistake.
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00:02:15,531 --> 00:02:17,437
And I promise
it will never happen again.
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00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:18,705
If you don't want to marry me,
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00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,473
just say it
so I can go to a bar,
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00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,675
and get loaded and get
into an argument with somebody
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00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,844
about what the most
metal album of all time is.
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00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,278
And then start crying
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for no reason
and puke on myself
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00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:31,251
Oh, Kite Man, I do.
I do want to marry you.
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00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,252
And if you, you know,
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00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,586
were a metal album,
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00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:34,820
you'd be
Appetite for Destruction.
69
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:35,954
-You know...
-What? What...
70
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:38,258
GNR is not even metal.
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00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,992
What are we even talking about?
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,228
-Is this--
-Chuck, I hate that I hurt you.
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00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,796
You know, you
deserve everything.
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00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:45,498
And I know
this doesn't fix anything.
75
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,866
But could you pull over here?
76
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:52,973
Ta-da! It's the old
Gotham corn factory.
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00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,776
What is this?
Is this just a tour
of my failures?
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00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,443
It's your dream wedding venue.
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00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,677
If you still, you know,
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00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,715
wanna get
married to this old gal.
81
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,139
What about Condiment King?
82
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,585
Didn't that dick face
already call dibs
on this monument
83
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:06,854
to rustic perfection?
84
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:07,987
So about that...
85
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,699
[clears throat]
86
00:03:10,699 --> 00:03:13,794
Come to ask for an invite
to our wedding, Ivy? [guffaws]
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00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,695
Change of plans, sauce fucker.
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00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,396
It's Condiment King!
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So, you know, he just, sort of,
90
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,569
decided to just give it to me
91
00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:25,705
and he is still
obviously very much alive.
92
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,775
But he's, sort of,
like out of town indefinitely,
93
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,475
and no one knows
if he'll ever come back,
94
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:30,911
but, you know, probably not.
95
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:32,913
Ivy, Kite Man, we're so happy
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to have you
at the old corn factory.
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00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:37,484
We know your
wedding will be perfect.
98
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:38,919
Wait. You risked your life
99
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,418
against one of the most
formidable villains
100
00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:41,655
Gotham has ever seen
101
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just to give me my dream venue?
102
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,391
I think that's maybe
like an overstatement
103
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of Condiment King.
But essentially, yes.
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00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,497
That's what I did
because I love you.
105
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:51,998
So... [sighs]
What do you say?
106
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:54,467
You wanna get married or what?
107
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,936
Wow. This is
a lot to think about.
108
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,604
You, probably,
can't tell right now,
109
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,673
but I am tots overwhelmed.
110
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,675
Look, just take your time.
111
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,776
You know, just know
that it's waiting for you
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if you want it.
113
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,680
[sirens wailing]
114
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,783
Why are you so calm, Gordo?
115
00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:13,486
Aren't you excited to see
me going back to Arkham?
116
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,489
I'm a complex man
with many emotions.
117
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,956
that must be sifted through.
118
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,725
The Mayor didn't give
you the key to the city
119
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-and now you're sad.
-I don't have a key, goddammit!
120
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,394
I mean, no,
that's not it at all.
121
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,697
That was a dumb guess.
122
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,540
Dummy!
123
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,334
Let me give you
a little piece of advice.
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You don't wanna be the one
125
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:30,803
who gets the key to the city,
126
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,805
you wanna be
the one who gives it.
127
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:34,975
Yeah, Gordo.
128
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,410
You should run for mayor.
129
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,446
I got into public service
to shoot bad guys
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00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:41,413
while allowing
for the occasional accidental
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00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:43,550
shooting of an innocent,
because no one's perfect!
132
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:44,718
I don't even like politics.
133
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,319
Well, I love 'em.
134
00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:48,454
Come on, let's overthrow
Mayor What's-his-name?
135
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,057
I can run your whole
campaign from behind bars
136
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,360
like a real campaign manager.
137
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,096
No!
138
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,697
But let's just say
for argument's sake
139
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:58,764
I want the job.
140
00:04:58,764 --> 00:04:59,944
Being the police commissioner
141
00:04:59,944 --> 00:05:00,944
of the most
dangerous city in America,
142
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,281
I got low favorables.
143
00:05:02,281 --> 00:05:04,670
You also seem like
a hair-trigger reactionary
144
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,639
kind of guy
who runs his mouth off
145
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:07,874
when he's backed into a corner.
146
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,043
That's bullshit.
147
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:10,843
Say that to my fucking face!
148
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,612
Ah-ha! See, you're a cop,
149
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,048
but you're not a hero.
150
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,483
Unless, you do something heroic
151
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,084
that gets your
name in the papers.
152
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:21,721
Cuffing your occasional
costumed psycho isn't splashy.
153
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,355
But guess what?
154
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:25,791
A little bird told me
that Ivy and Kite Man
155
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,627
are getting
married on Saturday.
156
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,562
And I've got their guest list.
157
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,963
[laughing]
158
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,466
All these criminals
will be in attendance
159
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,535
-with their guard down.
-Wait a minute.
160
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:36,903
I just have an idea.
161
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,605
I bust that wedding
and I become a hero
162
00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:39,839
as big as Batman.
163
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:43,475
Now you're
getting it, Mr. Mayor.
164
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,081
Hey, there, sweetheart.
Why so gloom?
165
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,548
What are you guys doing here?
166
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,918
-Really?
-[overlapping chatter]
167
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,887
So did you get
the paperless post reminder?
168
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:56,555
Ivy's wedding is on.
169
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,625
And the bride
still wants you to come.
170
00:05:58,725 --> 00:05:59,826
[sighs] I'm not going.
171
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,399
I'll just be a distraction
172
00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:03,163
and like Ivy said,
I always fuck everything up.
173
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,464
It's your goddamn
best friend's wedding!
174
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:06,651
Yeah and for once,
175
00:06:06,651 --> 00:06:08,168
I wanna make
the right choice.
Restraint.
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00:06:08,269 --> 00:06:09,802
Everyone wants you there.
177
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,737
And you wouldn't want
to miss my performance
178
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,939
of an aria.
179
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,074
I'll be singing
at the reception.
180
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,110
Did we mention there's
going to be vanilla cake?
181
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,946
-I'm not going.
-I'll save you a seat.
182
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,983
So you're bailing
on your best friend's wedding?
183
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,886
Why is everyone so chatty?
184
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,187
This place used to be
great for silent brooding.
185
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,189
If you're really
worried about someone
186
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,925
dragging Ivy's wedding
to hell in a handbasket,
187
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,127
I got bad news.
188
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,629
-What is it?
-Help break me out
189
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,997
and I'll tell you.
190
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,197
-I ain't buying it.
-All right.
191
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,800
That's fine.
192
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,036
Screw over your
best friend twice, I guess.
193
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:44,937
-[sirens wailing]
-[alarm buzzing]
194
00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:46,148
-[grunting, yelling]
-Gordon's planning to arrest
195
00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:48,209
all the villains
at the wedding.
He told me himself.
196
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:50,509
-The cojones on that guy.
-[grunting]
197
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,646
How the fuck's he
going to pull that off?
198
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:53,913
Oh, he probably won't.
199
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,115
But he's gonna try.
200
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,283
And I mean, these weddings...
201
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,684
-Oh!
-[grunts]
202
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,319
...they're so
meticulously planned.
203
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,786
Anytime you throw
a wrench in it,
204
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:02,656
it's like a ripple of--
[grunts]
205
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,024
Well, if I can't fuck up
Ivy's wedding.
206
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,826
-No one can!
-Okay.
207
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,627
I hear bells ringing.
208
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,833
Listen up.
I didn't just bring you in here
209
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,201
to enjoy these vegan donuts.
210
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,634
[retching]
211
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:16,802
[Cheryl] Vegan?
212
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,172
We have a special
mission today.
213
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,973
Oh, come on, boss.
It's Saturday.
214
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,244
I've got
my half-sister's baby shower.
215
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,812
We're going to Poison Ivy
and Kite Man's wedding.
216
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,680
Ivy's going
through with it, huh?
217
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,783
You mean Kite Man's
going through with it?
218
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,752
After all that
woman's done to him.
219
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,987
Look, we don't know
the emotional underpinnings
220
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,245
of that relationship
221
00:07:35,245 --> 00:07:37,990
but by God we will when
we arrest those two lovebirds
222
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,627
along with every major
supervillain in the city
223
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:42,795
who didn't have
prior weekend plans.
224
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,730
Sounds like Batman's problem.
225
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:48,235
Well, I am off to my
half-sister's baby shower.
226
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,036
[Gordon] Not so fast, Cheryl.
227
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538
Aren't you tired of the supers
getting all the credit?
228
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,874
Here. Here's the guest list.
229
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,076
-Take one. Pass 'em along.
-[mumbles]
230
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,511
These are the most powerful
supervillains in Gotham.
231
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,047
Exactly. It's pretty badass.
232
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,814
Pretty damn key worthy.
233
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,651
But, sir, these people have
a myriad of superpowers.
234
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,985
And what do we have?
235
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,636
A damn good plan.
236
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,975
Oh, Father,
I gotta sin I've gotta confess.
237
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,877
Ah, this isn't really
a good time, son.
238
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,611
Yeah, uh, I must confess.
239
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:34,847
All righty then,
what is it, my son?
240
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:38,398
I punched out a priest.
241
00:08:44,158 --> 00:08:46,707
[muffled screams]
242
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,932
Look at you!
Looking all elegant and shit.
243
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,033
You come alone?
244
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,701
[laughs]
245
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,171
My name is... [grunts]
246
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:00,874
Can I get an amen?
247
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,009
Amen, sir.
248
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,147
Oh! Oh, now this is majestic.
249
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,316
It is very 2014 Pinterest.
250
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:12,585
Kite Man is a basic bitch
through and through.
251
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,087
Oh, he's drinking
out of a mason jar.
252
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,224
I am so nervous.
253
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,860
Relax. Weddings
are a joyful occasion.
254
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,895
You know,
unless you're one
of the bridesmaids.
255
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,831
The gifts are okay, I guess.
256
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,000
I'm not nervous
about the wedding.
257
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,336
I'm nervous about
performing at the reception.
258
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,706
This particular piece
is a musical minefield.
259
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,875
The tricky rhythms,
dramatic shifts in pitch.
260
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:39,812
One needs the lung
capacity of an Adam Lambert.
261
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,081
Aren't you cute?
262
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,850
Look, I'm sure Ivy
will love the song.
263
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,284
I don't care if she loves it.
264
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,620
I only care if he does.
265
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,100
Catwoman's date?
266
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,923
How dare you?
That's not just
Catwoman's date.
267
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,726
That's cinema auteur,
Tim Burton.
268
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,263
If I deliver
a siren song for the ages,
269
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,630
it could be my big break.
270
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,734
So you weren't singing
this song out of love?
271
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:04,971
-I was, out of love for acting.
-Mmm-hmm. [gasps]
272
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,206
Oh, my gosh! She's here.
273
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:08,774
Hey, hi, howdy, hello,
274
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,644
everybody continue talking
amongst yourselves.
275
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,011
Everything's cool.
276
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,947
Harley! I'm so glad
you decided to come.
277
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,883
-Love wins again.
-Yeah, yeah.
278
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,318
Long live Poison Kitey.
279
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,153
[chuckles] Well done.
That's one less thing
280
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,455
you'll regret your entire life.
281
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,822
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
282
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,390
So are there other
rooms here or what?
283
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,193
They have us corralled
in here for cocktail hour.
284
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,196
Right under this godforsaken AC
285
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,264
-which is doing nothing...
-Gordon.
286
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:32,432
...my vocal chords!
287
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:33,833
I'm gonna go find the bathroom.
288
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:34,868
[Clayface scatting]
289
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,169
There you are, Gordon.
290
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,971
-There you are.
-Ah! Don't touch me.
291
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,206
[laughs] Let's get you
292
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,274
with the other
bridesmaids, okay?
293
00:10:40,274 --> 00:10:45,144
It's almost showtime.
294
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,880
So how's everyone been?
295
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,914
What the crap, Harley?
296
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,917
I'm here. Ready to maid.
297
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,687
You weren't at the rehearsal.
298
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,087
How are you gonna
know how to walk?
299
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,822
Uh, right foot,
left foot. Repeat.
300
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,192
You bailed on Ivy.
301
00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,159
What do you care?
Are you even a bridesmaid?
302
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,962
I still have all
the responsibilities
of a bridesmaid.
303
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,798
Just not the fashion ones.
304
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,033
You think I'd be
caught dead in that rag.
305
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,434
Okay. Well,
then can I wear yours?
306
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,037
[chuckles]
307
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:13,105
Which ten pounds
do you plan on leaving behind?
308
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,475
Ladies, I'm just
here to support Ivy.
309
00:11:15,576 --> 00:11:17,277
That is the only
reason I'm here.
310
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:19,278
Please give me the chance
to make it up to her.
311
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,847
And you. Cobb squad forever.
312
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,851
[grunts] Damn!
313
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:27,754
I thought she was
just being a beep.
This really is too tight.
314
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,822
-[grunting]
-Hold still, goddamn it!
315
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,024
-BRB!
-Hey, I'm not done!
316
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,461
You said you'd
braid my hair! Fuck!
317
00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:37,464
Where are you,
you rat bastard?
318
00:11:37,565 --> 00:11:38,999
What did you just call me?
319
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,001
-Harley?
-Oh, hey, Mr. Groom.
320
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,903
I just wanted to say mazel tov
321
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,139
and I wish you
many happinesses.
322
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,341
I am having so many
emotions right now.
323
00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:50,910
None of them
I would categorize as happy.
324
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,846
[stutters] Hey, where's Frank?
He said if this happened,
325
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,280
he'd have a pocket full
of zannies for me.
326
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,383
There you are,
my runaway bridesmaid.
327
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,351
I'm supposed
to keep you two apart.
328
00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,385
Yikes!
329
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,889
Hey, Jen, hair looks great.
330
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,057
No thanks to you.
331
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,225
Yass, queens. Okay, attitude.
332
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,095
Give me attitude.
Great. Love it.
333
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,162
Got you, Gordo!
334
00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:10,397
Ah, fuck my ass.
335
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,831
No one ruins
my best friend's wedding
336
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,436
but me!
337
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:16,870
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
338
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,438
Mr. Covington,
Help, the venue rep.
339
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,840
He's bleeding. [whimpers]
340
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,442
Hey, where do
I stand for the...
341
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,211
-Tad! [gasps]
-Ivy!
342
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,846
Wow. You look stunning.
343
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,712
-Harley!
-[yelps]
344
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,952
Hey, Tawny,
it's the Commish...
345
00:12:33,852 --> 00:12:34,988
...ioner.
346
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,557
-[Tawny] Commissioner?
-Gordon.
347
00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:38,357
Yes. Listen, I've got
the scoop of the year for you.
348
00:12:38,359 --> 00:12:40,394
Bring your cameras down
to the old Gotham corn factory
349
00:12:40,394 --> 00:12:41,528
because there's gonna be
350
00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:44,163
something real
heroic going down.
351
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,365
[clicks tongue]
352
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,933
You're ruining my wedding.
353
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,003
I'm trying to do
the opposite of that.
354
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,971
I keep finding people
that you've punched out
355
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,974
and then you made
the photographer faint.
356
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,375
-But--
-Look, I just need this day
357
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,809
to go smoothly for Kite Man.
358
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,000
I mean, he's a mess.
359
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,147
I mean, he didn't
even want you here.
360
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,615
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have said that.
361
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,149
It's just... Look,
this is supposed to be
362
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,519
the happiest day
of my life, you know?
363
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,554
I mean, that is if you ascribe
to those patriarchal norms
364
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:12,057
about a woman's value fading
after she gets chosen by a man.
365
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:13,393
Which we don't, right?
366
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,428
Regardless,
it's supposed to be,
367
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,897
overall,
a really good vibes day
368
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,566
and it's barely
hanging on by a thread.
369
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:20,900
I mean, I feel like I'm just
370
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,969
sick of managing
everyone's feelings.
371
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,105
I have my own.
372
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,307
I'm nervous
and I'm scared
about the future, too.
373
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,143
But... I don't get a time
374
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,111
to just like
reflect about that, you know,
375
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,947
before I walk down
the goddamn aisle forever.
376
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,884
No, because someone's
going around cold-cocking
377
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,254
-all my goddamn
vendors. Shit.
-But--
378
00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:42,154
-But Ivy--
-Harley!
379
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,890
Your friendship
means the world to me
380
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,626
but, maybe, I'm kidding myself
381
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,294
that I can have
my cake and eat it too.
382
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,431
You know, you
can't stop being you
383
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:54,268
and... [sighs]
That fucks up what
I have with Kite Man.
384
00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:55,902
It just does.
385
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,870
Gordon is here
to bust half your guest list.
386
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,273
I'm trying
to save your wedding.
387
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:01,942
-Listen how crazy you sound.
-I'm not.
388
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,342
-Two-Face told me.
-Okay.
389
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,614
A literal two-faced
person told you that.
390
00:14:06,714 --> 00:14:08,881
Harls, you may not even
know this but you're looking
391
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,350
for any reason to disrupt
my life with Kite Man.
392
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,120
And I just... I cannot have it.
393
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,587
So what are you saying?
394
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,356
I mean, I'm saying... [sighs]
395
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,658
I'm saying I don't
want you to be here.
396
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,427
[sobs]
397
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,099
[Clayface singing]
398
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,602
Harley, are you leaving?
399
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,339
Yeah, I got duped by Two-Face.
400
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,575
He told me Gordon was
gonna be here but he's not.
401
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,576
And I just look
stupid and desperate
402
00:14:36,677 --> 00:14:38,110
in front of everyone as usual.
403
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,212
Nonsense! We're at a wedding.
404
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,115
The only person people
are paying attention to
405
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,650
is the bride... [chuckles]
406
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,552
And hopefully, me!
407
00:14:45,653 --> 00:14:47,654
[scatting]
408
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:52,592
[sighs] Maybe I don't
fit in Ivy's new life.
409
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,027
[Clayface] Ugh, I need water.
410
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,999
[sniffs]
411
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:02,201
Plastic?
412
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,303
Ivy, from the first
moment I saw you,
413
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,572
I knew I could never do better.
414
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,442
And even though you rejected me
415
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:11,177
over and over again
and over again,
416
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,613
for good measure,
417
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:16,015
I was determined
to share a life with you.
418
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,317
You know, some
might call it stalking...
419
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,721
Ivy, I can't wait to spend
420
00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:22,322
the rest of my life with you
421
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:26,393
in our modest,
ranch-style, suburban home.
422
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,596
Grilling meatless
proteins, of course,
423
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:34,067
and spending weekends shuttling
our four kids between soccer,
424
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,302
ballet, karate and capoeira,
425
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,706
which is this sick combination
of ballet and karate.
426
00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:42,207
Spending Sunday dinners
at my parents' house,
427
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:45,077
as soon as they allow us back
into their lives, of course.
428
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:48,381
Um, and just a lot
of chilling on the couch,
429
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,051
binging some
premium streaming content
430
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,519
and looking at our phones.
No-judgment style.
431
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,389
Ivy, you are
the wind beneath my kite.
432
00:15:56,490 --> 00:15:58,291
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
433
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,427
Saving my best friend.
434
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,730
Well, that was...
a very specific picture
435
00:16:02,730 --> 00:16:04,697
that you painted
of our future that I had not...
436
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,033
[clears throat] I had
not totally considered.
437
00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:09,101
[sighs]
438
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,403
Oh, right, I'm up. Sorry.
439
00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:13,072
Um, hello,
uh, let me just check
440
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,041
my notes...
Right.
441
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,009
[inhales]
442
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:17,878
[coughs]
443
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:20,279
Charles Kite Man Brown,
444
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,783
I...
445
00:16:22,883 --> 00:16:24,350
I knew you were bullshit.
446
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,219
It's not what you think.
Just let me through.
447
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,788
Fuck you, homewrecker.
448
00:16:27,788 --> 00:16:30,389
Time to put my Cardio Barre
membership to the test.
449
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:31,389
Fuck, Jennifer.
450
00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:33,192
I am 36 goddammit!
451
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,662
This might be the last wedding
I get to be a bridesmaid in.
452
00:16:35,763 --> 00:16:40,167
[shouts]
453
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,503
Why is a caterer
at the ceremony?
454
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:49,241
-[Harley shouts]
-[grunts]
455
00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:52,613
[in exaggerated accent]
Okay, great. You did your part.
Do you both agree now?
456
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:53,746
-Hell yeah.
-I do.
457
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,349
I now pronounce you...
458
00:16:56,817 --> 00:16:58,317
[in normal voice]
Under arrest!
459
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,354
Do it, men and Cheryl,
460
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,788
[grunts]
461
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,056
Too much glue.
462
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,125
Why? [crying]
463
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:08,561
The flowers.
464
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,762
I'll get us out,
I'll get us out.
465
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,431
[groans]
466
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,201
This is... Shit! Plastic?
467
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,538
Why?
468
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:18,538
Gas masks!
469
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,440
[mumbling]
470
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,311
[Tawny] Merv, Merv,
are you getting this?
471
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,445
'Cause I can't see anything.
472
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,451
Darling, I think
it's time to leave.
473
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,487
Don't leave, Mr. Burton!
474
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,521
We haven't rapped yet.
475
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:40,622
This is for you,
Timothy Burton!
476
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,328
[singing]
477
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:49,102
No! Why! No...
478
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,251
[thuds]
479
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,375
[chuckles]
480
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,279
Maid of honor coming through!
481
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,579
[grunts]
482
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:07,685
[shouts]
483
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,395
Ah! I fucking love science.
484
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,299
Tawny Young reporting live
485
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,869
from the scene
of Ivy and Kite Man's wedding
486
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,171
in which
Police Commissioner Gordon,
487
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,874
-heroically...
-Retreat!
488
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,508
Get outside! Quick!
489
00:18:28,509 --> 00:18:30,277
Pissed off some
very powerful supervillains
490
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,345
and accomplished
absolutely nothing.
491
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:33,613
All right, Merv,
let's pack it up.
492
00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:34,681
[explodes]
493
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,266
[singing an aria]
494
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,230
Gary, let's get out of here.
495
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,565
That guy is creeping me out.
496
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,515
[singing continues]
497
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,250
Harley, I'm really glad
498
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,819
you didn't leave
when I told you to.
499
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,188
I thought maybe I could
do something right for once.
500
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,523
Oh! I just want you
guys to be happy.
501
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,791
Well, it's too late.
502
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:20,426
Once again,
everything is ruined.
503
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,929
It doesn't have to be.
504
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,363
Hey, I'm an ordained minister.
505
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,230
I got a license-- Ah-- online.
506
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,666
And I made it into a lanyard.
507
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,501
Pretty legit, huh?
So what do you think, huh?
508
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,569
-Can I marry you?
-Wow! [chuckles]
509
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,305
Harley with a backup plan.
510
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,942
Oh, good for you, Reverend.
511
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,385
Fuck you!
512
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,511
Listen, Kite Man,
I know we aren't
in the corn factory
513
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,380
but we are on the property.
514
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,949
So technically, you can tell
Us Weekly or whatever
515
00:19:41,949 --> 00:19:43,375
that you got married there.
516
00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:44,984
We can Photoshop some
pics later. It'll be great.
517
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,820
-[screams]
-Okay. Let's do this.
518
00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,923
-Hell no.
-What?
519
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,925
I should have known
the third time I proposed.
520
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,627
Every step in our relationship
521
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:57,364
I've had to do over
and over and over.
522
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:58,999
[stutters] And I'm not.
523
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:02,669
After all of this,
I'm not redoing my wedding.
524
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,538
Don't you...
Don't you wanna marry me?
525
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,573
Of course, I do. But you don't.
526
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,776
I saw your face during the vows
527
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,411
and I knew
your heart wasn't in it.
528
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,381
I may be simple
but I'm not a fool.
529
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,983
It is hard to finally admit it.
530
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:19,819
But since you
refuse to, I will.
531
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,354
I'm not the person for you.
532
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,022
No. Oh, shit!
533
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:25,759
Like you said, Ivy,
I deserve the best.
534
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:30,058
[Clayface continues singing]
535
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:35,768
There they are!
536
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,905
Shit! We gotta get out of here.
537
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,892
[singing intensifies]
538
00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:53,219
[grunts]
539
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,724
Where's the exit?
540
00:20:58,726 --> 00:21:00,326
[Poison Ivy]
Oh, for the shit of shit.
541
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,694
This is why I didn't
want to get married here.
542
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,596
The parking lot is a damn maze.
543
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,866
-[tires screeching]
-[sirens wailing]
544
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:09,435
[Frank] It's pollen season
in here, bitch!
545
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,637
It's pollen season!
546
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,039
I'm really sorry, Ivy.
547
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,775
Kite Man will come around.
He always does.
548
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:17,711
Yeah, but you know what?
I won't. I mean, he's right.
549
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,513
I've been denying a lot
of myself for a long time.
550
00:21:20,614 --> 00:21:22,782
I guess... I guess,
it seemed easier for me
551
00:21:22,883 --> 00:21:24,451
to just go along
with it, you know?
552
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,054
But now I realize
I hurt a lot of people
553
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,789
-delaying the inevitable.
-Well, people change.
554
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:32,026
Yeah, yeah, people do change.
555
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:34,994
I mean, look at you.
What you did for me today.
556
00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,663
You... [sighs]
You showed me the Harls
557
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:39,566
I always wanted
to see, you know.
558
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,801
You don't think
I'm chaotic and crazy,
559
00:21:41,902 --> 00:21:44,070
-make a bunch of messes?
-No, you definitely do that.
560
00:21:44,171 --> 00:21:46,472
But you're trying to grow
561
00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:48,775
and actually doing it.
562
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,576
And that, I mean, for me,
563
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:51,678
that's what matters.
564
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:52,913
[sighs] I love you, Ive.
565
00:21:55,015 --> 00:21:56,516
I love you, too, Harls.
566
00:21:58,617 --> 00:21:59,987
Oh... Oh, shit!
567
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:01,488
Okay, eyes on the road!
568
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:04,887
I love you, but Jesus!
569
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:15,333
[sirens wailing]
570
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,679
[theme music playing]
38322
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