Original subtitles

All: 168, 167, 166, 165...

Why is this audience counting down

from a stupidly high number?

...162...

Because the network said,

"Don't start the show with some bizarre group activity."

We did it anyway

because it really hammers home the premise of the show ‐‐

rewarding people not for what they do,

but for what they don't do.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Tonight, one family could win $100,000...

[ All cheering ] Adam: You guys did it!

...by making it to the end of the show alive.

Don't budge.

Whoa!

JK. No one dies.

Okay, I really didn't think I had that powerful of an arm.

And who am I?

I'm the all‐knowing, all‐seeing, and apparently

doing‐a‐lot‐of‐walking Don't Master.

You won't see me, but you will see this snack ‐‐

your host and 1997 Tiger Beat cover, Adam Scott.

[ '80s music plays, dies down ]

What?

Man: Give it up right now for Adam Scott!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hi, everybody, I'm Adam Scott, and welcome to "Don't,"

the show where families can win money

for simply not doing things.

And if any of you at home

happen to be in an action movie defusing a bomb right now,

whatever you do, don't cut the red wire.

[ Light laughter ] Okay, let's get started.

Tonight, we are joined by the McIntoshes.

[ Cheers and applause ]

This is Angela, a teacher from Atlanta.

She's here with her two sons and ex‐husband, Eric,

who's proud that even though they're no longer married,

they still do normal family things,

like go on a nationally televised game show.

Their older son, Javier, is a photographer

who definitely isn't trying to "Parent Trap" his mom and dad.

And Jabriel, who in no way has been secretly planning this

with his brother for years.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The McIntosh clan!

Hey! Yeah!

How you guys doing?

Fantastic! Excellent!

Alright!

Yeah, we'll be better with some money.

You'll be better with some money.

Yes, definitely. That's true.

Actually, the Scottish side of my family,

my Scottish descendants, are from the McIntosh clan.

Wow! We might be related!

Yeah, we might be related!

That's a good omen.

Are you ready to take on our first game ‐‐

"Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around"?

We're ready! Yeah, we are! Let's go!

We're ready! Let's go!

Adam: Alright. Let's go!

Now, have you guys taken any big family road trips?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You have? Lots of them.

She took us on a Six Flags adventure.

'Cause we're roller‐coaster junkies.

Front car, hands up, in the dark.

No hands. Hands are for wimps.

The Roller Coaster Safety Commission

would like to remind you that all hands

must be kept inside the ride at all times.

Okay, here is how this game works.

"Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

It's tough enough being crammed in a small car

on a long road trip,

but when it's your whole family, it's much harder.

Here you'll have to run a course

that tests your balance, coordination, and timing.

If you complete the course in under a minute,

you'll earn $20,000.

But if it takes more than 60 seconds to finish,

we'll deduct $1,000 for each 10‐second increment.

Don't fall. Don't delay.

And "Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, you won't just be

walking your way through the course.

You will hit the road as a family

inside this retro‐chic van we have here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, guys.

Don't make me turn this car around.

How are we gonna get the McIntoshes

into the van without wasting valuable air time?

We're not.

We're going to highlight the many skilled craftspeople

who bring "Don't" to life.

[ Dinging ]

Thanks, team.

And those are definitely your real names.

Yeah! Whoo! Whoo!

Okay, before we hit the road,

let's look at the course ahead.

First, you have to coordinate your footwork

to cross the spinning roundabout.

Then avoid falling off the narrow log

and the wobbly teeter‐totter.

Finally, you have to work together

to cross the slippery stumps and another roundabout.

Your journey is complete when you back the van

into the final parking space.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

We're ready. Here we go.

"Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

3, 2, 1, go!

Let's do it!

Okay.

Javier: Get on, get on, get on.

Can you make it across? Get on. Get on.

Very smart. You guys are holding off.

You're about to hit the log.

Commit to it. Commit to it.

Eric: Go! Go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!

Oh, my goodness. You did it.

We got this, baby!

Stump it! Stump ahead! Stump ahead!

Okay, log! Stump it! Log!

They're going over the teeter‐totter.

Go, go, go, go!

I'm trying to! I'm trying to!

Go! Go! Go fast! I'm trying to.

Going over the ‐‐ Oh, my God, you guys.

Okay, okay!

Oh, my God.

Okay, here we go. Whoo!

Go, go, go, go! Incredible!

Yes, sir!

30 more seconds.

Be careful. I can't see it.

Great job, guys.

Step! Step! Step!

Step! Big log! Big log!

Up high. Okay, high?

We've got 20 more seconds to go.

These tree stumps were cut from polyurethane foam trees.

Polyurethane ‐‐ just like real trees,

except made from poison.

‐Go, go, go, go! ‐Get on! Get on!

‐Go, go, go, go! ‐Get on! Get on!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Alright. Alright.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Aah!

Yeah! You did it!

Yeah, baby!

Yeah! Whoo!

$20,000!

Holy cow!

Wow!

Congrats to the McIntosh family.

You just earned yourselves $20,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Can I have my shoe back?

Can I have my shoe back?

Now, Javier and Eric, you each lost a shoe?

Is that correct? Yep. No fuel.

Javier: Yes, there it is. Adam: Just so you know,

those shoes are officially now our property.

I'm very sorry.

You can have it for $20,000.

That's actually a pretty good deal for you guys.

Incredible work.

$20,000.

Doing great. Oh, yeah!

Now, the gloves are really gonna come off for this next game.

Okay, we're ready.

The game is called "Don't Beat Yourself Up."

[ Bell dings ]

There's being hard on yourself,

and then there's this game.

One of you will put on giant boxing gloves

while the other three

answer questions that have two possible answers.

Once you lock in your answer,

if it's correct, you'll earn $4,000.

If it's incorrect,

your loved one gets smacked in the face, and zero cash.

"Don't Beat Yourself Up."

[ Cheers and applause ]

So, three wrong answers, and your game is done.

But if you make it all the way through, you earn $20,000.

Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah, boy!

Before we play, there is a way you can win even more money,

and that is the "Don't Push" Button.

It's a special feature that will appear in every show.

Let's hear a little bit more

about my good friend, the "Don't Push" Button.

[ Women vocalizing ]

The "Don't Push" Button

is a proud member of the tiny home movement.

Four years ago, he bought a small plot of land

and built himself a tiny home

out of shipping containers and reclaimed lumber.

Using rainwater, solar panels,

and a self‐installed septic‐tank system,

he lives a life completely off the grid

and re‐connected to our planet.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I mean, it's astounding.

It's just, he's ‐‐ he's my hero.

[ Laughter ] Isn't that nice?

Okay, so, if you do push the button

and you finish the game perfectly,

it doubles your winnings.

All you have to do is get every question right.

You get $40,000.

But if you don't play a perfect game,

it reduces all your winnings from this game by half.

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

Push me!

What do you guys think?

Do you want to push the "Don't Push" Button?

Nah, we're good.

Nah. No?

Let's just do it straight.

Okay.

So, who is going to be on the receiving end here?

This guy right here.

Eric.

Eric: I don't want my sons to get punched.

Of course. And I don't want Angela to get punched.

Of course not. So I'll ‐‐ I'll take the beat‐down.

That's a good dad and a good ex‐husband.

And who's gonna be distributing the punches?

Mama. Mom.

Oh, Angela?!

[ Laughter ] Yeah!

Yep! [ Laughs ]

No, I did ‐‐ I did ask her

to just remember the good times and not the bad times.

Of course.

You trust me, don't you?

Trust, the cornerstone of every divorced couple.

Okay, "Don't Beat Yourself Up."

Come on over, guys.

Tonight, Eric McIntosh faces off with mechanical gloves.

If you're trying to place a wager,

Vegas has the odds at two to one

in favor of you having a gambling problem.

Hmm. I don't know.

This doesn't look like fun to me.

[ Laughing ] Yeah, right.

20,000 reasons not to punch him.

Be nice. Be nice. [ Laughs ]

Are we ready, guys?

Ruh‐roh!

Utilizing Scooby‐Doo to show concern?

Yeah, Eric is in impressive dad form tonight.

"Don't Beat Yourself Up" question number one.

Come on, guys.

"Wicked" wasn't a movie. That's what I was thinking.

"Wicked" was a book, 'cause I had that book.

"Wicked" ‐‐ Books. Books. Yeah, books.

Books. Let's lock in books, right?

Books?

Yeah.

Okay, lock it in by pulling the "A" lever.

If your family answered correctly,

you'll get $4,000, but if they're wrong,

Dad gets a giant knuckle sandwich.

[ Laughter ]

You said "A," books.

That answer is...

[ Laughs ]

Come on, Adam!

...correct! That's $4,000! Whoo‐hoo!

Unh! [ Laughs ]

On the ball. Alright, question number two.

John Mayer. Come on, you guys. Would that be...

That's a toss‐up right there.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a toss‐up.

But something ‐‐

I'm feeling scented candle for some reason.

I was leaning towards that, too.

I'm thinking scented candles for men

'cause women love bath bombs.

Men can love bath bombs, too, Angela.

I do.

Let's go with scented candle,

unless you feel better. Let's do "B."

We think scented candles.

Okay. So, "B," right?

Adam: Let's lock it in by pulling the lever.

Your answer was "B," scented candles.

"B," "B," "B."

Uh‐oh.

We've just been informed

that Eric hasn't signed the medical release yet,

so we're gonna have to take a quick break.

But coming up, will Eric sign the release?

Can he sign the release with those gloves on?

Is signing a release with giant gloves legally binding?

And will he make Adam his power of attorney?

Guess what, Don't‐ers.

You, too, can go on your very own "Don't" road trip.

For only $499.99,

we'll send you the "Don't" van and a map of America.

All you have to do is unpack the van, then pack in the fam.

Whether you make it down the block or down the interstate,

you'll definitely regret the hell out of your purchase

immediately.

Don't order now.

Welcome back to "Don't."

With 4,000 bucks or a giant smack in the face on the line,

Eric awaits the answer

to the most important question of his life.

♪♪

Adam: Let's lock it in by pulling the lever.

Your answer was "B," scented candles.

"B," "B," "B."

That answer is...

Uh‐oh.

[ Laughter ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh! Oh, no!

Jabriel: Oh, man!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, man!

I'm sorry.

Oh, Eric, how you doing?

Not too good over here.

Yeah, I'm sorry. It's not my fault.

You took it on the chin. [ Both laugh ]

Alright, that's one strike against you.

Two more, and the game is over.

Here we go, question number three.

...in 2001?

Triple threat?

Jennifer Lopez. Yeah.

Britney Spears has never had a number‐one movie, period.

Yeah, what movie?

She was in that wack, like, road‐trip movie,

but that was horrible. Wow.

I went to see that. You saw that?!

[ Laughter ]

I'm sorry for you. Right.

Yeah.

"Crossroads," starring Dan Aykroyd.

That's true. Look it up.

Okay, you guys are saying it's...

Angela: J. Lo. ..."B," Jennifer Lopez?

J.Lo, definitely.

Okay, pull that lever.

♪♪

You're saying it's "B," Jennifer Lopez, and...

Come on, baby.

...you're correct.

That's another $4,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Let's get it!

My favorite triple threat is Ina Garten.

Chef, author, giant cocktail enthusiast.

Okay, here we go, question number four.

"A," "Friday" by Rebecca Black?

Mm... No, no, no.

Or, "B," "Gangnam Style" by PSY?

"Gangnam Style." Lock it in.

Yeah. Lock it in. "Gangnam Style."

Really? That was fast. Okay.

And I love the dance. Okay!

Angela: Good! Good! Good!

Let's go with it. Let's go with it. "Gangnam Style."

Okay, your answer is "B," "Gangnam Style."

Let's lock it in with a pull of the lever.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, guys. Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it.

♪♪

Yeah, that is correct.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪ Yeah, boy!

Yeah! That "Gangnam Style"!

♪ Gangnam style ♪

That's right, we licensed "Gangnam Style."

♪ Op, oppan Gangnam style ♪ Enjoy it.

Seriously, it cost like tons of money.

So, for the rest of the show,

we're gonna play the hell out of it.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

That's another $4,000.

Question number five.

Would that be...

I'm thinking "Wayne's World."

They both had sequels. Angela: Yeah.

But which one was a skit?

But "Wayne's World" came after,

and based on gross domestic revenue.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ] Javier.

And based on inflation,

I'm leaning towards "Wayne's World."

But what are you thinking?

I'm thinking "Blues Brothers."

Okay, we trust you. We trust the mama.

"Blues." Alright, "Blues Brothers."

So that is "A," "Blues Brothers."

That's your answer? Yes.

Lock it in.

Angela: We got it. We got it. Alright.

I don't know about this. I don't know, either. [ Laughs ]

"Blues Brothers" is your answer ‐‐ "A."

And the answer is...

We'll wait for him to become emotionally invested.

♪♪

He's in.

Back to the challenge.

Um, hmm...

Ohh! Aah!

Oh, no, no, no!

[ All groaning ]

Javier, you had it right.

I was right, right? Yeah, yeah.

You had it right. Are you kidding?

Yeah, "Wayne's World."

Ohh! [ Laughter ]

Okay, two strikes.

Final question, you guys.

It's right in front of me on a blue card, and here it is.

The first?

Muhammad Ali had his belt before George had his belt,

but he got it stripped away from him.

And then Muhammad Ali beat him again.

So, Muhammad Ali.

Adam: Is that your answer?

I know boxing.

Javier went on for the next 30 minutes

recounting every Muhammad Ali fight from 1960 to 1981

in the greatest of detail.

It's Muhammad Ali.

Okay. Alright.

Let's pull the lever.

Your answer is "A," Muhammad Ali?

I'm pretty sure. I'm 80%.

I've got a headache now. Come on, now.

80%.

Angela: Ali.

No? No? No? Uh‐oh. Uh‐oh.

Look at his face. Come on, man.

You're right. Muhammad Ali.

[ Cheering ]

Yeah, boy!

Pow, pow, pow, pow!

Yeah! Yeah!

Go, Mac! Go, Mac! Go, Mac!

You just added $16,000, bringing your total to $36,000.

Whoa!

Very good job, guys.

Now, at great time and expense, we have manufactured

an artificial break in our show for our ad partners.

It was very difficult to do.

I hope you appreciate it.

Please don't go anywhere.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

♪ Gangnam style ♪

Welcome back to "Don't."

Woman: Alright, we're back from break.

I need Adam to the stage.

Hey, what's, uh ‐‐ What's wrong, Adam?

Well, I ‐‐ You know, I'm just ‐‐ I'm feeling a little guilty

about that last family, you know?

They all signed their lives away already.

We have the best lawyers.

No, not that.

I'm talking about, like, the ‐‐ the morality of it, you know?

Listen, I get it, but whenever I'm in situations like this,

I always have to look deep down in my soul,

and then I just decide...

Yeah?

...to whip it.

Whip it good.

[ Devo's "Whip It" plays ]

Okay. Alright. You know what?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Javier, you look like you're just right at home up there.

I've been fly before, but never this fly.

Wow.

One of many things I could never pull off is saying that.

[ Laughter ]

McIntosh family, is baseball a big deal for you guys?

Yeah, we all played baseball growing up.

And actually, our dad was our coach.

I coached everything before Angela and I got divorced.

That's right. All the way up until when he was 5 till he was 18.

That's great. Now, you guys are divorced.

Mm‐hmm. Yeah.

And you spend a lot of time together as a family?

Yep.

Eric: We do Christmases and Thanksgivings together.

So, you're essentially just married still.

[ Laughter ] Uh...

Don't start that, Adam.

Don't start nothing.

The "Parent Trap" is working.

You know, she's got a husband now,

so we want to keep it in.

It is beautiful you guys have such a nice relationship

and you guys are such a tight‐knit family. Yep.

Let's see if we can mess it up here in this game.

No. Eric: No.

Adam: Okay.

It is time to play "Don't Play Ball in the House."

As kids, we're all told, "Don't play ball in the house,"

but in this game, that's exactly what you'll have to do.

One of you will pitch fastballs from a spinning wheel

while another one of you is swinging upside‐down.

Every catch is $1,000.

Every miss, another destroyed family heirloom.

You have two minutes to bank up to $20,000.

"Don't Play Ball in the House."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Before we play, there is a way you can win even more money,

and that is the "Don't Push" Button.

Push me!

If you push the button and complete the game perfectly,

you double that game's value...

Double!

...to $40,000. But...

[ Cheers and applause ] Whoo!

But if you don't play the game perfectly,

your winnings for that game will be cut in half.

So, what do you think, guys? No.

Push the button!

Want to give it a shot and push the "Don't Push" Button?

Push me!

Taste unlimited power!

Push the button! Push the button!

Push the button!

Someone should explain

one of them has to actually push the button.

Okay, Angela, go over there and push the "Don't Push" Button.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Oh!

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

"Don't Push Button"!

More money!

Alright, are we ready? We're ready. Ready.

Let's go. Alright! Eric: Yeah!

And now for the magic of star wipe.

Adam: Okay, you took a gamble here.

You could win $40,000 if you catch 20 throws.

"Don't Play Ball in the House."

Your two minutes starts now.

Alright, you can do it, Jabriel! Ooh, you got it, Javi!

You might want to throw a little harder, Jabriel.

Eric: Hold your glove down! Angela: Ohh!

Hold your glove down! Hold it down!

Alright! That's one!

You've got to take the ‐‐ There we go!

There's another one! $2,000.

You got it, Jabriel! You got it! You got it! You can do it!

Uh‐oh!

Javier and Jabriel are really struggling here.

Let's check in with Coach Eric for adjustments.

Make sure you get under the ‐‐

under the ‐‐ hold the glove.

Yes, hold the glove.

How did he know?

Don't worry. You got this.

Get after it. There you go!

$3,000. There you go!

There's only 1:30 left on the clock.

$4,000! Very good!

Hold your glove. There you go.

$5,000. There you go.

Slow it down, Jabriel.

Jabriel, Jabriel, slow it down.

Alright, slow it down.

There we go. You got it!

There's $6,000.

No, wait.

Go.

Yeah!

There we go. There's $7,000. Slow it down.

Come on. Slow it down.

Only one minute on the clock. Come on.

And a broken window. Come on.

Uh‐oh. Hold it ‐‐ Hold it down.

There's $8,000. There you go!

Got $8,000 so far.

There's $9,000!

You only have 40 seconds to get that $40,000.

Yes!

$10,000!

Yeah, you can do it!

Hold it down. Yes!

$11,000 so far.

Yeah! Ohh!

Ay, ay, ay!

You got it. You got it. Ohh!

Almost. Almost.

Don't worry. You got this.

$12,000!

Yes!

You only have 20 seconds.

You can do it, Jabriel!

You get seven catches, you'll win $40,000.

Yes!

Eric's coaching secret?

Clapping.

Come on. You can get it.

Ohh!

Uh‐oh!

There goes that shelf. Oh, my God.

[ Laughs ]

All: ...7, 6, 5...

You got it, Jabriel! You got it!

...4, 3, 2, 1. Time.

Ohh!

That is the end of the game.

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Cheers and applause ] Oh, God.

Great job, guys. Good job!

So, McIntoshes,

because you pushed the "Don't Push" Button

and didn't finish the game perfectly,

your $13,000 from this game is cut in half to $6,500.

[ Audience groans ]

The damage done to this set will be repaired by next week.

[ Sentimental music plays ] But the emotional damage

of seeing their winnings cut in half

will take much longer to rebuild.

But overall tonight, you're up to $42,500 so far.

And I'm told you only racked up $2,000 in property damage.

So that's really great. Angela: We have insurance.

Hopefully a lot more money to be won here.

Don't go anywhere. Yeah!

Yay!

[ Pleasant music plays ]

♪♪

[ Pleasant music plays ]

♪♪

Man: We need Adam to the stage, please.

Adam.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Angela: Whoo‐hoo!

Welcome back to "Don't."

The McIntosh family is doing a fantastic job.

They've got $42,500 in the bank.

Yeah, baby!

Tell me if I'm right here.

I think that they are planning to make even more?

Oh, yeah. Is that correct?

Yeah. A lot more.

All the money. Okay, that's what I thought.

What we've witnessed so far tonight has been shocking.

However, not nearly as shocking as our next game,

which is conveniently titled "Don't Be Shocked."

"Don't Be Shocked."

Well, actually, be shocked because you'll each take turns

standing on this zap platform

while answering true‐or‐false questions.

But don't worry.

It's perfectly safe when you answer correctly.

If you're right, it's $2,000.

If you're wrong, it's a whole lot of shock,

you're out of the game, and it's on to the next person.

"Don't Be Shocked."

[ Cheers and applause ]

If all four of you get shocked, your game is over.

Oh, my gosh.

Have any of you had an electric shock before?

Fork, outlet.

Fork into an outlet? [ Laughs ]

For all of you watching at home,

sticking a fork in an outlet

is what we call an actual don't.

Seriously, the network made us put this disclaimer in.

We fought them on it.

We lost. Big time.

What do you remember about it?

I just remember, "Don't do that again."

Yeah. [ Laughs ]

I've never been shocked before.

In fact, I've never even been surprised before.

Turns out I, uh, have the nerves

of someone doing a far more dangerous job.

Okay, before we start playing,

I‐I do have an offer for you.

I "Don't You Dare" you

to allow me to double the shock for an extra $5,000?

"Don't You Dare."

Come on, double the voltage?

Angela's like, "Wait a second."

Oh, my God!

That's why we got the men going to get...

potentially zapped, which we're not.

Yeah, we're not gonna get zapped. You know, we ain't worried about getting zapped.

But just in case, we'll get zapped first. Yeah.

And then you probably won't even get zapped.

Don't even worry about it. Yeah.

This moment brought to you by foreshadowing,

because it's always about to happen.

Oh, my God.

Okay, we'll do it.

I'm scared.

Okay, you're accepting the dare.

That's $5,000.

Now let's double the shock.

[ Electricity crackles ]

Aah!

Come on! Let's do it! Let's do it!

[ Laughter ] Alright!

Now he's embarrassed.

Oh, my God!

Okay, who's stepping up first?

This guy. Alright.

Let's play "Don't Be Shocked"!

[ Cheers and applause ]

We stole this fun zap game

from the Thomas Edison Museum Kids Zone.

Now, these are true‐or‐false questions.

And remember,

if you get it right, it's $2,000,

but if you get it wrong, you'll be shocked.

Here we go.

Question number one...

[ Laughs ] False.

Adam: True or false?

Might be true.

Javier: I think it's so weird it has to be false.

I think it ‐‐ I think it's so weird it has to be true.

Is no one else curious what flavor it was?

Barbecue?

I think it's true. Sour cream and onion?

What do you guys ‐‐ I'm leaning more towards true, too.

Okay, if y'all think it's true,

then let's go true, but I think it's false.

Put it on the books.

[ Laughter ]

I think we're gonna go with true.

Okay, the person who invented the Pringles can

was buried in one.

The McIntoshes are saying that is true.

And the answer is...

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, man.

It's true. [ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, baby! Come on, baby!

$2,000.

[ Laughs ]

Yes!

Question number two.

"Say hello to my Wookiee friend."

Is that true or false?

I ‐‐ You said ‐‐ I say false

because I don't think

they could have afforded him at that time.

I don't think Al Pacino's big enough for that role, either.

No. Pacino would obviously have been a way better Han Solo.

Send hate mail to the address below.

We're gonna go with false. Adam: False.

Yes.

Al Pacino was offered the role of Han Solo but turned it down. Uh‐oh.

You're saying that's false, and the answer is...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

♪♪

[ Electricity crackling ]

It's true.

[ Screams ] Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whew!

"Double the voltage," they said!

That wasn't very nice, guy!

I had nothing ‐‐ nothing to do with it.

[ Electricity sparks ]

You know, if I had my way,

I would go up and just give you gentle tickles.

[ Laughter ]

You'd rather get shocked?

No, I'll take the tickles.

You would. Okay. [ Laughter ]

Okay, step on down. Jabriel, you're up next.

[ Cheers and applause ]

You guys have made $2,000 so far.

Eric, how are you feeling?

I think I peed myself.

[ Laughs ]

That's actually a different game.

We can play that later.

Alright, here we go, question number three.

Cannibals? Then they ‐‐ Then they eat each other?

They eat each other? They eat each other?

To clarify, hippos aren't allergic to gluten.

They just have a mild sensitivity.

Jabriel, what do you think? Angela: Wait.

What do you think, Jabriel? What do we want? What do you want, Jabriel?

I think false.

Okay, we'll go with you. False. We'll go with false.

Don't go with me. What do y'all think?

[ Chuckles ] We say false.

We say false, Adam. False. False.

Please don't shock my baby. Adam: Okay.

Hippopotamuses have been known to be cannibals.

You're saying this is false.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Adam: And the answer is...

Please don't shock him.

♪♪

Coming up, are the McIntoshes correct?

This question sponsored by the new film "The Hungriest Hippo,"

the vicious tale of one hippo whose hunger took him too far,

a gritty re‐imagining of America's beloved board game

that no one was asking for.

Beneath the water, no hippo is safe from the hunger.

Coming never to "Don't" All Access.

Adam: Welcome back to "Don't."

Before the break, Eric added more money to the bank.

$2,000.

Then more electrons to his nervous system.

Wow!

He's now out of the game.

Javier and Angela will get their turn,

but first, Jabriel's gonna find out

if the family correctly answered this true‐or‐false statement.

You're saying this is false.

The answer is...

♪♪

Angela: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Adam: True.

Oh, no!

[ Electricity crackling, Angela screams ]

Ohh!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whew! [ Laughs ]

Okay, step on down. Good news is you're done.

Bad news is it's Javier's turn.

Alright, Javier.

Angela: Come on, Javi.

Come on. We got you. We got you.

Y'all better get all these answers right.

Secretly, Javier is hoping that this

is the horrible mad‐scientist accident

that gives him superpowers.

Question number four.

That's false. That's false.

I know raspberry comes from the anal glands of beaver.

I think, but I'm not sure,

that artificial vanilla flavoring does, too.

Angela just casually knowing that raspberry flavoring

is from beaver anal glands raises no questions for anyone?

No? No one?

I would go true. I‐I believe you. Adam: Okay.

True, yeah. True.

Please be true. Oh, my God, please be true.

Javier?

Javier: Yeah? Oh, my God. Buddy?

No, no, no, no!

I'm sorry. It's true!

[ Cheers and applause ]

You guys did it! $2,000!

A special "Don't" apology to everyone enjoying

artificially flavored vanilla treats at home right now.

Okay. I knew it!

Here we go, guys.

True. True.

True. Very confident about that.

Different germs.

There's only one particular germ.

You got all types of germs ‐‐ sneezing.

14 times?

And the surface area of a desk

is more than the surface area of a toilet.

Yes.

Here's a graphic where you can check at home,

using some measuring tape

that should never, ever touch anything ever, ever again.

I say true. Okay.

I say true. Okay, let's go with true.

We're going with true, Javi.

True? Yeah. We're gonna go with true.

You're the expert, Mr. Surface Area.

Oh, yeah. [ Angela laughs ]

Okay, the McIntoshes are saying true.

Okay.

Come on.

Oh, no!

That's true!

Whoo!

Another $2,000!

Mr. Surface Area!

You guys are on a roll!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi! Yeah, yeah!

Adam: That is $6,000 so far.

Whoo! Whoo!

Next question. Here we go.

You can't break a pinky promise because...

Half the strength in your hand...

No. True or false?

...comes from your pinky.

Half. I say no.

False. Yeah.

All these are strong. This is the weak one.

And it's less surface area with that pinky.

[ Laughter ]

I'm the surface‐area expert.

You got me?

[ Laughter ] Okay.

False. See?

Adam: You're gonna go with false?

Yeah, we're going with false?

Adam: Okay. Okay. We say false, yeah.

You're saying that's false.

And the answer is...

Oh, my God.

No? No, no, no. Come on, man.

Come on, Adam.

No, no, no! No, no.

Please don't.

[ Electricity crackling ] Ohh!

Ohh!

Whoa‐ho‐ho!

While you were up there, Javier,

you made an extra $4,000.

I did.

That's crazy. I did.

It was worth it.

Javier, hop down and join your family.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Okay, Angela, it's your turn.

Are you ready?

You're the last family member

who can add more cash to the bank.

I'm so scared.

Nothing to be scared of.

That's what you say. You're down there. Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Here we go, guys.

...until he lost the next election.

I think it's true.

Mom says true. I think it's true, too.

We're going with Mom's true. Yeah, Mom.

You're going with true? I'm going with true.

Okay.

Ohh!

I'm having heart palpitations.

You guys said that was true.

Come on, true.

And the answer is...

♪♪

Please!

♪♪

[ Screams ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

Did you feel that?

Yes! Yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!

You know what?

That last question ‐‐ It was actually a cat named Stubbs,

and he served 20 years, until his death.

Oh! Wow!

I'm the late Mayor Stubbs, and I approve

this trivia question and disrespectful In Memoriam.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

Okay, guys. Okay.

How much money? How much money?

You know what? You earned $11,000 in that game...

Eric: Yeah, baby!

...for a total of $53,500 so far!

[ Cheers and applause ]

When we come back, one family is going to get

the surprise of their lives when we play "Don't Get Wet."

You don't want to miss this.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "Don't."

Now, here is the surprise.

There is no water feature on this show,

and we're gonna need those ponchos back, please.

[ Laughter ]

Thank you.

Alright.

Now it's onto the last game of the night

and your last chance to bank more money. Yeah.

Let's play "Don't Look Back"!

[ Cheers and applause ]

This is the game the ancient Greeks rejected

for Olympia 776 BC.

You'll each try to outrun or out‐hop

a massive zorb ball

while your legs are conveniently bound together.

Every ribbon broken earns you more cash,

and if you play the game perfectly,

you'll bounce away with $20,000.

So, don't get hit, and "Don't Look Back."

Okay, McIntosh family, you have won $53,500 so far.

Yes!

Alright.

Eric, are you ready?

I'm ready. Angela: Get it, Eric!

Let's get it! Get on up there.

Let's do this. Come on, Eric!

The "Don't" ball is operated by a pack of feral gerbils,

making this the most dangerous challenge in game‐show history.

Alright, Eric, how are you feeling down there?

I used to run hurdles.

Yes, you were a track star in college at Penn State.

Yeah. Yep.

Alright, so this is bringing back some memories.

Exactly. Okay.

Are you focused on that $5,000 down there?

That's all I'm looking at, just the $5,000.

That's the right attitude.

I think we're about to witness

a former track star's return to glory.

How are you guys feeling about Eric?

I'm good! I'm feeling confident! Yeah, yeah.

Javier: He's got it. He's got the focus.

Confident! Got your family behind you here, Eric.

Are you ready? I'm ready.

Got it. Here we go.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

There you go, Eric!

There you go! $1,000!

[ Laughs ]

The important thing to remember...

[ Grunts ] Ohh! [ Grunts ] Ohh!

[ Grunts ] Ohh!

[ Laughs ] ...is that Eric signed his medical release

earlier tonight.

[ Cheers and applause ] Go, Eric!

Great job. $1,000 added.

Okay, Angela.

Angela was not a track star,

but she was a professor of archaeology.

How are you feeling?

[ Whimpering ] Eric: Let's go! Big money!

We are ready to see you

get all the way down to that $5,000 mark.

$5,000!

$5,000!

Get it. Get it. Get it. Okay.

Let's go again and hope our ball doesn't pop

and release those rabid gerbils.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

Come on, come on, come on! Good, good, good!

$1,000!

Ohh!

[ Audience gasps ]

That was amazing, Angela.

Nice job. Yay! Alright!

Hey, good job! Good job!

Good job! Good job! Good job! Good job!

Adam: Great job, Angela.

I can tell that the four of you

are looking at "Indiana Jones" in a whole‐new way.

Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

I literally just made an "Indy" joke, Adam.

But you still got 1,000 bucks.

$1,000 is good for me! Yeah!

[ Laughs ] Every little bit counts.

So far, $2,000 in this challenge.

Alright! Javier, do you have any strategy in mind

before you get up there?

You know, I'll use my thigh muscles.

There you go. Get on up there, Javier.

Let's do this.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, Javier, how are you feeling?

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling focused.

You got a good gauge of the surface area here?

Great gauge of the surface area.

Let's check in with our Javier Vision

to calculate surface area.

[ Electronic beeping ]

Low center of gravity, jumping through that $5,000.

I'm skiing through it. I can see it.

[ Laughs ]

Are you ready?

Ready. Okay, here we go.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"! [ Airhorn blares ]

Eric: Come on, Javi!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi!

You're up to $4,000!

$5,000!

Go, Javi! You did it!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi! $5,000!

Yeah, Javi!

[ Sound winds down ]

The "Don't" ball also got to the $5,000 mark,

yet no one's cheering for the "Don't" ball.

[ Cheers and applause ]

$5,000.

That's amazing. Yeah!

$7,000 for this game.

Represent! Good job!

You just made it to the $5,000 marker.

That was amazing.

Alright, Jabriel. Alright.

Get up there. Alright, Jabs. Alright, Jabs. Let's get it.

This isn't just for the money.

No. Angela and Eric are secretly using this challenge

to decide who their favorite child is.

Try to get to the $5,000 mark,

and most importantly, "Don't Look Back."

Come on, Jabriel. Come on, Jabriel!

You got this! Whoo!

Come on, Jabriel!

Adam: 3, 2, 1. "Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

$2,000, $3,000, $4,000,

$5,000!

There you go!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whoo! Congratulations, Jabriel.

Adam: $5,000 added.

$12,000 total for this game.

And you are going home, McIntoshes, with $65,500!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I think we all know what that calls for.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

[ PSY's "Gangnam Style" plays ]

Oh, no, wait, wait.

[ Music stops ] Oh, wait.

Sorry, I just learned that "Gangnam Style" is pay‐per‐use,

so we will not be playing it again.

Instead, we'll be using this upbeat,

previously licensed stock music.

[ Up‐tempo music plays ]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Angela: Shake your body!

Congratulations, you guys!

Shake your body! Hey!

Good night, everybody. See you soon.

[ Cheers and applause ]

After the show, Javier parlayed his deep knowledge

of movies and surface area into his own podcast called

"Length Times Width Equals Two Thumbs Up."

Jabriel, seeking redemption,

spends every weekend throwing baseballs inside his house.

He's lost many valuables.

After realizing they were

being "Parent Trapped,"

Angela and Eric decided

to stay happily divorced.

They're co‐writing a book

titled "Divorce: For When You

Want to Be Friends Again."