Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,500
Okay, you ready for this?
2
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,600
As ever.
Let's do it.
3
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,700
Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
4
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,600
Who wrote the phrase "No man is an island"?
5
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,800
John Donne? John Milton?
6
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,100
John F. Kennedy?
7
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,700
Jon Bon Jovi?
8
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,500
Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.
9
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,700
And, if I may say so,
a complete load of bollocks.
10
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,400
In my opinion, all men are islands.
11
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,800
And what's more, now's the time to be one.
12
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,700
This is an island age.
13
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,800
A hundred years ago,
you had to depend on other people.
14
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,000
No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos...
15
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,700
...or home espresso makers.
16
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,700
Actually, they didn't have anything cool.
17
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:35,800
Whereas now, you see...
18
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:38,400
...you can make yourself a little island paradise.
19
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,400
With the right supplies and the right attitude...
20
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,400
...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet...
21
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,900
...for young Swedish tourists.
22
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:50,100
Hi, it's Kristina.
I haven't heard from you.
23
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:54,100
I had a great time last weekend.
So give me a call, okay? 'Bye.
24
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:58,400
And I like to think that perhaps
I am that kind of island.
25
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,200
I like to think I'm pretty cool.
26
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:04,000
I like to think I'm Ibiza.
27
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,200
There were people who had
a good time in life.
28
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:18,300
I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them.
29
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,100
I just didn't fit.
30
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,100
I didn't fit at my old school.
31
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,900
I definitely didn't fit at my new one.
32
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,200
I heard that some kids
got taught by their parents at home.
33
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,800
Mum couldn't do that,
unless I paid her to teach me.
34
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:35,100
Because it was just her and me.
And she went to work.
35
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,100
She made400 a week.
36
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,400
Where was I gonna get that kind of money from?
37
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:42,500
Maybe if I was like that movie kid,
Haley Joel Osment...
38
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,200
...I could pay her that much.
39
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,800
But if that meant being good at drama, forget it.
40
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,200
I was crap at drama.
41
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,600
'Cause I hated standing up in front of people.
42
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:53,300
So, basically, I had to go to school.
43
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,700
The sad fact is that,
like any island dweller...
44
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,700
...from time to time I had to visit the mainland.
45
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:26,400
This is lmogene.
You can hold her if you like.
46
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:30,200
That's.... Well, okay.
47
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:35,500
Yeah. Got her. Lovely.
48
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:41,600
Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she?
49
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:43,900
I know. Isn't she?
50
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,500
To tell the truth,
I'm being crap with her.
51
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,900
You better take her back.
52
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,900
She could've been yours
if you got your act together.
53
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:59,000
Just think of that, yeah.
54
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,100
So, the place is looking really nice.
55
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,200
Barney, Barney, Barney.
56
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:07,500
Say hello to Will, Barney.
57
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,500
Here we go. It's the Antichrist.
58
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,100
Hello, Barney. How are you?
59
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,000
-He's lovely.
-Yeah.
60
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:21,100
And what about you, Will?
Any desire for a family of your own yet?
61
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,000
I'd rather eat Barney's nappies.
62
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,300
Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am.
63
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,000
Please, Will.
64
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,700
What does that mean? "Please" what?
65
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,100
Look at yourself.
66
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,700
You're 38 and you've never had a job...
67
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:37,700
...or a relationship
that lasted longer than two months.
68
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,500
I wouldn't exactly say you were okay.
69
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,000
I mean, I would say you were a disaster.
70
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,500
I mean, what is the point of your life?
71
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:47,800
Bloody hell.
72
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,600
You're right.
There's probably no point to my life...
73
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,900
...but thank you for bringing it up.
74
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:58,200
The reason we wanted you to come here today
was we wanted to ask you...
75
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,900
...how would you like to be
lmogene's godfather?
76
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,600
Seriously?
Seriously.
77
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,600
Listen, I'm really, really touched.
78
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,900
But you must be joking.
79
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:17,000
I couldn't possibly think
of a worse godfather for Imogene.
80
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:19,700
You know me.
I'll drop her at her christening.
81
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:24,100
I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th,
when I'll take her out and get her drunk...
82
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,600
...and possibly, let's face it,
you know, try and shag her.
83
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,300
I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.
84
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,500
We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.
85
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:39,600
No. No. You've always had that wrong.
86
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,500
I really am this shallow.
87
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,800
Here we are.
88
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:50,600
You know you don't have to walk me
to school anymore now, Mum.
89
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,600
I know the way now.
90
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,700
But what if I like walking you to school?
91
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:02,300
Right.
92
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,400
Who are you?
93
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,600
I'm me.
94
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,500
And what are you not?
95
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:08,600
A sheep.
96
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:10,800
Right. And what does a sheep go?
97
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,300
Marcus?
98
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,200
I love you.
99
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,700
Look.
100
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:31,800
I love you, too.
101
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,600
"I love you, Marcus!"
102
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,400
"Love you!"
103
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,800
Look at him!
104
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,600
While I couldn't accept the offer...
105
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,700
...to become their child's godfather...
106
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:03,600
...I did allow them to set me up with Angie,
a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's.
107
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,300
They had, however, being them,
neglected to tell me one thing.
108
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,800
There's something you don't know about me.
109
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:12,800
Yeah?
110
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,200
Something exciting?
111
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,100
I think so, yes.
112
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,300
I have a 3-year-old boy.
113
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,200
I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor,
push over the table and run.
114
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,100
Brilliant. I love kids.
115
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,500
Yeah. I like messing about with them.
116
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,300
Doing kid things.
117
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,700
I'd have been disappointed
if you didn't have a child.
118
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,600
Why do you say that?
119
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,400
God knows.
120
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:50,000
Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.
121
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:55,600
Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely.
122
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,900
What in God's name are you saying,
you idiot?
123
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,100
She can't be buying this rubbish.
124
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,000
But she did buy my rubbish.
125
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,700
And for the next few weeks
I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.
126
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,800
Her kid took to me,
mainly because on our first meeting...
127
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:18,300
...I took him to the zoo
and held him upside down by his ankles.
128
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,000
I wish relationships
with proper humans were that easy.
129
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,800
You know, you are brilliant.
130
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,200
I came to realize that with single mums...
131
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,400
...particularly ones who'd been badly treated...
132
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:33,200
...and eventually abandoned by the father
of their children, you became by comparison....
133
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,600
You are a wonderful person.
134
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,400
No, I'm not.
135
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,100
But it was hard
to be wonderful all the time.
136
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,800
Eventually I began to wonder whether
Angie was exactly what I was looking for.
137
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:50,500
For instance, she was late for the new IMAX
movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up.
138
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,800
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
139
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,100
That pissed me off.
140
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,200
-You okay?
-Yes.
141
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,300
And there were deeper problems.
142
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:01,600
She couldn't stay at my place,
and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable.
143
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:06,000
So we were always stuck watching some crap
made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.
144
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,800
I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do.
145
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:12,200
Godl Nol Please, please, nol
146
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,500
I was going to have to end it.
147
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,300
But having been Will the Good Guy...
148
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:21,100
...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will
the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.
149
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,400
I'm sorry?
150
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,500
You're breaking up with me? You...
151
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,100
...self-centered bastard.
152
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,500
I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you!
153
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:37,100
You useless, superficial loser.
154
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,300
Will....
155
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,300
Then something magical happened.
156
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,600
I'm sorry.
157
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:52,500
I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you.
158
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,800
You've been great. It's me.
159
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,300
Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.
160
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,500
I'm not ready to launch into a relationship
with anybody new.
161
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,300
Yeah.
162
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,200
I'm so sorry.
163
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,400
I think I understand.
164
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,300
You're a wonderful man, Will.
165
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:32,900
I'd never watched a woman
cry without feeling responsible before.
166
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:36,500
She even wanted me to forgive her.
It felt amazing.
167
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,500
Listen, you don't have anything
to feel sorry about. Really.
168
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,900
So that was the end of Angie,
but the beginning of a whole new thing.
169
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,000
Single mums.
170
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:48,600
Why hadn't anyone told me about them before?
171
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,700
Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage
and a guilt-free parting.
172
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:57,100
There must be thousands, just waiting
for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.
173
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,200
Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.
174
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,000
Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
175
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,900
No, it's not Sunday.
176
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,100
The crying had started again.
And it scared me...
177
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,200
...'cause now it was in the mornings.
178
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,300
She'd never done that before.
179
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,500
I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead.
180
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:26,100
She had a job as a music therapist,
which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.
181
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,900
So there was enough money
for food and everything.
182
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,700
Should I get my own breakfast?
183
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,500
No, I'm doing it.
184
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,200
So, you looking forward to school today?
185
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,600
Today, you'll need to effect...
186
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,700
...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10...
187
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,100
...100 and 1000.
188
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:59,900
"Nothing to do but frown
189
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:05,400
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"
190
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,300
Thank you very much, Marcus.
191
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,600
Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.
192
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:28,200
-Are you going to Computer Club later?
-I don't know. Marcus....
193
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,300
Madonna! Go on, give us a song!
194
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,900
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
195
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,900
Spice Girls or something. Three of them.
196
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,300
Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.
197
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,100
You made me lose my football.
198
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:47,500
Marcus, we don't really want you
hanging around with us anymore.
199
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,100
-Why not?
-Well, it's because of them.
200
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,400
-They've got nothing to do with me.
-Yes, they do.
201
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:56,000
We never had trouble with them
before we started hanging out with you.
202
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,500
Now we get it every single day.
203
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,100
Besides, everyone thinks you're weird.
204
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,000
Only a bit, though.
205
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,600
Okay.
206
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,500
'Bye.
207
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:18,400
There you have it.
208
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:22,800
I was having a shit time at home
and a shit time at school.
209
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,400
It was fine deciding
single mums were the future...
210
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:32,500
...but the frustrating truth was
I didn't have their numbers.
211
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,900
-Hi, Dad.
-Hey.
212
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,700
Where did they hang out?
213
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,800
I'm a single father,
I have a 2-year-old boy.
214
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,100
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
215
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,400
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
216
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,200
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
217
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,000
SPAT.
218
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,500
This was exciting.
219
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,400
A potential gold mine of single mums.
220
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,500
I could see the beautiful creatures now,
getting roaring drunk...
221
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,600
...forgetting their troubles,
ready to rock and roll.
222
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:27,100
That was when
I was 7 months pregnant.
223
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,500
By the time I had the baby,
he was in Majorca with another woman.
224
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:36,000
Not even the one
he cheated on me with the first time.
225
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:40,000
Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.
226
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,200
He said I'd got too fat.
227
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,200
Mine was shagging his secretary.
228
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,300
Such a cliche.
229
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,700
I'll tell you one thing: Men are bastards.
230
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,100
After about 10 minutes...
231
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,500
...I wanted to cut my own penis off
with a kitchen knife.
232
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,700
Me.
233
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:02,600
Yes.
234
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,800
I have a 2-year-old. Ned.
235
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,000
He's got blue eyes
and sort of sandy-colored hair...
236
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,300
...and he's about 2'3".
237
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,800
And his mum left.
238
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,900
-Really?
-Yeah.
239
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,900
Yeah, I mean,
obviously it was a very big shock...
240
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,600
...because we were so happy, you know?
241
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,200
Sandra's neurology practice
was just up and running...
242
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:38,400
...and then one day her bags were packed,
and my best friend was waiting outside...
243
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,000
...in his Ferrari.
244
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,800
Yeah. You know, the Modena?
245
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:46,900
The one with the supercharged engine,
where you can see it through the back window?
246
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:51,500
-You got dumped then?
-Yeah.
247
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,600
May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?
248
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,200
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
249
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:04,600
Suzie.
250
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,100
Suzie.
251
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,200
She doesn't see much of him, no.
252
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,700
How does he cope with that?
253
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,600
He's a very good little boy.
254
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,000
Very, very brave.
255
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,400
They've got amazing resources, don't they?
256
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:21,100
Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.
257
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,800
He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms
around my neck, and he said:
258
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,900
"You hang in there, Dad."
259
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,800
God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!
260
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,200
Is it?
261
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,700
Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.
262
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,700
Sometimes I think, you know,
he's the one taking care of me.
263
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,300
Teaching me the ways of the world.
264
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,900
Sorry.
265
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,100
Thank you.
266
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,300
My God, what a performancel
I was even fooling myself.
267
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,400
There you go. You okay?
268
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,800
Yeah. Perfect, thanks.
269
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,400
-Trust me?
-Of course.
270
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:10,200
By the end of the evening,
I had a date lined up.
271
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,300
Single parents alone together!
272
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,700
Single parents alone togetherl
All for one and one for alll
273
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,000
The problem was I also had
an imaginary 2-year-old son.
274
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,900
The date was a SPAT picnic in Regent's Park,
with everyone bringing their kids.
275
00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,900
Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.
276
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,600
His mum had come
and picked him up at the last second.
277
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,300
-What a shame.
-Yeah.
278
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,600
I'm sorry.
279
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:09,000
-Got it.
-This is Megan, by the way.
280
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:10,700
Hello, Megan.
281
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,600
Yeah.
282
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,100
A friend of mine from SPAT
isn't feeling so great...
283
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,900
...so I said that we'd take her kid
to the picnic, too.
284
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,100
-ls that all right?
-Yeah.
285
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,600
The more the merrier. Right.
286
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,500
Come on, slowcoach!
287
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,500
I hated that SPATlot.
288
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:33,900
Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there
was that wally who wanted to get off with her.
289
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000
Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.
290
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:37,700
Hi there.
291
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:40,300
Right.
292
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:45,500
Pile in, everyone.
Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.
293
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,900
What a shame he can't come.
294
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,200
So, what do you do?
295
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:52,900
Me?
296
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,700
There were too many lies
to keep track of so I told the truth.
297
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,200
-Nothing.
-Well, before then.
298
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,600
-What do you mean, before I did nothing?
-Yeah.
299
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,600
I did nothing.
300
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,800
You've never worked?
301
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:14,600
I've done the odd day here and there, but, no.
302
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,600
Crazy, isn't it?
303
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,000
It's....
304
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,400
Brilliant.
305
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,500
My God, I was going to have to tell her.
306
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:33,400
What happened, in fact,
was that my dad wrote a song...
307
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:37,300
...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song...
308
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:40,800
...and I basically live off the royalties of that.
309
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,300
You know Michael Jackson?
310
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,300
He makes a 1,000,000 a minute.
311
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,600
That's 60,000,000 an hour.
312
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,500
I don't make a1,000,000 a minute.
313
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,400
-Nothing like, sadly.
-How much then?
314
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:51,600
Marcus!
315
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:55,700
I was beginning to wonder
if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day.
316
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,900
So, what's this song then?
317
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:01,800
If you can live off it, we must've heard of it.
318
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,300
It's Santa's Super Sleigh.
319
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,600
God, please don't sing it.
320
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:12,300
"Look who's coming round the bend
It's Santa and his reindeer friends
321
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,200
"With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey,
It's Santa's super sleigh"
322
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,500
I expect people do that all the time.
323
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,300
No, I think you two are the first.
324
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,400
Sorry. I don't understand.
How does that make you money?
325
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,900
Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?
326
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,500
They should, but you can't
always catch the little bastards.
327
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,700
So, how often do you look after him?
Marcus.
328
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,900
Every once in a while.
329
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,000
His mum's a little off-color sometimes.
330
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,600
You call it off-color, I call it nuts.
331
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:48,100
She's not nuts, Marcus.
She just needs a weekend taking it easy.
332
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,100
We'll have a nice picnic, and when
you get home, she'll be all rested up.
333
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,000
My God! What the hell is that?
334
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:56,900
My mum's homemade bread.
335
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,000
It looks pretty good.
336
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,200
No, it isn't. It's healthy.
337
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,300
You miss him, don't you?
338
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:47,100
Who?
339
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:50,500
Ned!
340
00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:52,400
Yeah.
341
00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,300
Yeah, very much.
342
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,100
He'd have loved this.
343
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:01,800
I think I killed a duck.
344
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,400
I was only trying to feed it.
345
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,600
What's that floating
in the water next to it?
346
00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:12,600
Is that your mum's bread?
347
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,300
You didn't have to throw the whole loaf.
That would've killed me.
348
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,400
You the one who was throwing
bloody great loaves at the ducks?
349
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,500
Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now.
350
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,000
You know, boys will be boys, and all that.
351
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:27,000
So he killed it.
352
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:30,200
No. Sorry, I misunderstood you.
The duck was dead already.
353
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:33,100
He was throwing bread
to try and sink the body...
354
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,700
...because Megan here was getting upset.
355
00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:41,400
Marcus wouldn't kill a duck.
Would you, Marcus?
356
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,400
No. I love ducks. They're my
second favorite animal after dolphins.
357
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,200
They can kill sharks with their noses.
358
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,000
I'll have to wade in and get it.
359
00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:56,500
Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic.
360
00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:00,800
I think we beat the rap there, mate.
361
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,300
Yeah. Well.
362
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,200
Marcus?
363
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:13,900
Mum.
364
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:28,600
That day, the Dead Duck Day,
was when it all began.
365
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:33,600
That bloke Will just followed us in
and I didn't tell him not to.
366
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:38,000
Afterwards, I realized that there was no way
I could have been nervous just then...
367
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:42,100
...because just then I didn't know
there was anything to be nervous about.
368
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,100
But then I put the key in the lock,
opened the door....
369
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,400
Are you decent?
370
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,500
And a new part of my life started.
371
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:50,800
Bangl
372
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,100
Jesus Christ.
373
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,200
Oh, my God.
374
00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:03,200
-Will, call an ambulance.
-Marcus, where's the phone?
375
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,400
Where's the phone, mate?
376
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:25,200
It was horrible. Horrible.
377
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:29,200
But driving fast behind the ambulance
was fantastic.
378
00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:31,100
She's conscious.
379
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,300
She was okay in the ambulance.
380
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:34,900
She was asking after you, Marcus.
381
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,800
That's nice of her.
382
00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:41,700
Listen, you know this has
nothing to do with you, don't you?
383
00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:45,000
I mean, you're not the reason that she....
384
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:49,100
You're not the reason that she's here.
Isn't that right, Will?
385
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,900
Yeah, that's right.
386
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,200
I'll go get you some water.
387
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,500
-I can get that.
-No, you're okay.
388
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,000
Your mum's going to be okay.
389
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:11,500
Yeah, I suppose.
390
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:14,700
That's not the point, though, is it?
391
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,900
Right, you mean you're afraid
she might try again?
392
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,900
Just shut up, all right?
393
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:23,800
There you go, warm and flat.
394
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,500
Are you with Fiona Brewer?
395
00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:27,000
Yes, I'm her friend Suzie.
396
00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:29,900
This is Marcus and Will.
397
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,700
She's recovering well,
but we'll keep her overnight.
398
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:37,700
I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer
so the boy can stay with you two tonight.
399
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,100
Right.
400
00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:43,800
So, my place or yours?
401
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:45,500
Sorry.
402
00:25:58,800 --> 00:25:59,900
Okay.
403
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,600
-I should get back to Ned, I think.
-I'll take that.
404
00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:04,100
All right.
405
00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:06,200
All in all, this was very interesting.
406
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,400
So I'll call.
407
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,000
But I wouldn't want to do it every night.
408
00:26:11,100 --> 00:26:12,200
See you soon.
409
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:15,400
The thing is,
a person's life is like a TV show.
410
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,800
I was the star of The Will Show.
411
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,100
And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama.
412
00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,800
Guests came and went, but I was the regular.
413
00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:26,300
It came down to me, and me alone.
414
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,800
If Marcus' mum
couldn't manage her own show...
415
00:26:29,900 --> 00:26:33,900
...if her ratings were falling,
it was sad, but that was her problem.
416
00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:39,100
Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line
was a bit complicated for me.
417
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:14,800
I got the letter. Thanks.
418
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:21,000
Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.
419
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,600
You forgot?
420
00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:25,300
You forgot a suicide letter?
421
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,800
I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I?
422
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:36,100
Did you read the part
where I said I'd always love you?
423
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,200
It's a bit hard for you
to love me when you're dead, isn't it?
424
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,700
I'm sorry.
425
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,100
I can understand why you're angry, Marcus.
426
00:28:57,500 --> 00:29:00,900
I don't feel the same as I did yesterday,
if that's any help.
427
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:01,900
What?
428
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,200
It's all just gone away? All that?
429
00:29:04,700 --> 00:29:05,700
No, but...
430
00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:10,300
...at the moment, I feel better.
431
00:29:10,700 --> 00:29:12,600
"At the moment" is no good to me.
432
00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:16,400
I can see you feel better at the moment.
You just put the kettle on.
433
00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:20,600
But what happens when you finish your tea?
What happens when I go back to school?
434
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,100
-I can't be here to watch you all the time.
-I know.
435
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,300
We have to look after each other. The two of us.
436
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,100
Suddenly I realized
two people isn't enough.
437
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:35,800
You need a backup.
438
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,200
If you're only two people,
and someone drops off the edge...
439
00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:40,800
...then you're on your own.
440
00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:42,600
Two isn't a large enough number.
441
00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:44,700
You need three, at least.
442
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,700
-Three what?
-Nothing.
443
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,000
But I'd had a great idea.
444
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:54,700
The important thing in island living
is to be your own activities director.
445
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,600
I find the key is to think of a day
as units of time...
446
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,100
...each unit consisting
of no more than 30 minutes.
447
00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:03,500
Full hours can be a little bit intimidating...
448
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,100
...and most activities take about half an hour.
449
00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:07,900
Taking a bath: One unit.
450
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:09,900
Watching Countdown:
451
00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:11,300
Okay....
452
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:12,800
One unit.
453
00:30:13,700 --> 00:30:15,700
Web-based research:
454
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:18,400
Two units.
455
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:22,000
Exercising: Three units.
456
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:25,700
Having my hair carefully disheveled: Four units.
457
00:30:25,700 --> 00:30:27,900
It's amazing how the day fills up.
458
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,100
I often wonder, to be absolutely honest...
459
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,900
...if I'd ever really have time for a job.
460
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:35,800
How do people cram them in?
461
00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:42,600
Yeah, Will here.
462
00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:45,000
It's Marcus.
Pardon?
463
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,400
It's Marcus.
464
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:47,700
Marcus?
465
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,800
Marcus. Hi.
466
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,600
How'd you get my number?
467
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:54,800
From Suzie.
468
00:30:54,900 --> 00:30:57,800
I thought you'd like to take me out for the day
on Saturday.
469
00:30:57,900 --> 00:30:59,800
And why did you think that, Marcus?
470
00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:01,600
Suzie said we hit it off.
471
00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:03,400
Did she?
Yeah.
472
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,500
-And you said, "See you soon."
-I said what?
473
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:07,600
"See you soon."
474
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:11,500
The night you dropped us off. Remember?
You said, "See you soon."
475
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,600
This is soon, all right, Marcus.
476
00:31:15,900 --> 00:31:19,100
The thing is, mate,
my life is kind of hectic at the moment.
477
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,300
Why? I thought you did nothing.
478
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:26,300
I've got Ned and stuff to look after.
479
00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:30,200
Matter of fact, I should be on the way
to preschool right now.
480
00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:31,600
What's that noise?
481
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,200
That's a lawn mower.
482
00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:36,100
So, you know, just time-wise it's not....
483
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,800
Tell you what, just hold the line one sec.
484
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:42,700
Hold on, one sec. Thanks.
485
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,900
But then I thought, "Why not?"
486
00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:47,700
Why shouldn't I take
the poor little sod out for a meal?
487
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,100
I could be Uncle Will.
Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids.
488
00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:54,700
Okay, Marcus. You're on.
489
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,800
I'll come if you take my mum, too.
490
00:31:56,900 --> 00:32:00,900
She has no money, so we'll have to go
somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us.
491
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,400
Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.
492
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:06,500
Why should I? We're poor.
You're rich. You pay.
493
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,400
Bring your little boy, I don't mind.
494
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:09,800
That's really big of you.
495
00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:12,000
Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something.
496
00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:13,400
Remember where we live?
497
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,800
Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road,
Islington, London, N12SF.
498
00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:19,400
England, the world, the universe.
499
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:22,200
Yeah.
Marcus?
500
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,500
So, Fiona, how are you?
501
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:36,400
-I mean, how are you feeling?
-My stomach's fine.
502
00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:38,700
Great.
503
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,700
I must still be a bit barmy, though.
504
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,900
This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight,
does it?
505
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:47,900
No.
506
00:32:50,500 --> 00:32:54,600
If Mum was going to get Will to marry
her, she'd have to quit making jokes.
507
00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:55,800
At least she looked good.
508
00:32:55,900 --> 00:32:57,600
I had her put on that nice hairy jumper...
509
00:32:57,700 --> 00:33:00,700
...and the earrings she got from her friend
that went to Zimbabwe.
510
00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:03,100
The kid seemed to think
this was a date.
511
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,500
As for his mum, she was clearly insane...
512
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,700
...and appeared to be wearing
some kind of Yeti costume.
513
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,000
This had better be quick.
We were definitely not ordering starters.
514
00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:13,700
I'll start with the artichoke, please.
515
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,000
Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries
and a Coke.
516
00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:20,000
-I'll have the vegetable platter.
-We're vegetarians.
517
00:33:20,300 --> 00:33:21,400
I'd never have guessed.
518
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:23,800
Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks.
519
00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:29,700
This was going really well.
520
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,800
I wondered if we were going to move into
Will's place or move into someplace new.
521
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,200
"I heard he sang a good song
522
00:33:40,900 --> 00:33:43,900
"I heard he had a style"
523
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,400
I knew, of course,
the song couldn't last forever...
524
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,000
...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed.
525
00:33:51,100 --> 00:33:53,600
I knew it, but I couldn't feel it.
526
00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:58,400
"And there he was, this young boy"
527
00:33:58,700 --> 00:34:01,900
I must've been insane.
All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie.
528
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,400
This was my punishment.
529
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:07,800
"Strumming my pain with his fingers"
530
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:12,100
The worst part was
when they closed their eyes.
531
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:15,200
"Killing me softly with his song
532
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,100
"Killing me softly"
533
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,500
Come sing with us, Will.
534
00:34:19,900 --> 00:34:22,500
I should really get going. Thanks.
535
00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:27,000
That's the problem with charity.
You must mean it.
536
00:34:27,100 --> 00:34:28,800
You have to mean things to help people.
537
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:32,700
Like the time I volunteered
to help out at a soup kitchen...
538
00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:35,100
...and very nearly made it.
539
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,200
Or the time at Amnesty International.
540
00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:41,200
Did you know in Burma you get seven years
in prison for telling jokes?
541
00:34:41,300 --> 00:34:44,800
Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay,
the Burmese standup comedian.
542
00:34:44,900 --> 00:34:48,000
We're at a crucial stage
in our struggle for human rights...
543
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,900
...which have been grossly abused
by the ruling junta.
544
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,600
We need your support more than ever.
545
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,600
Together we can make a difference....
546
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,900
You're kidding.
And what's your boyfriend say about that?
547
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:01,500
Wait a minute.
You say you haven't got a boyfriend?
548
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,100
Talk about human rights violations.
549
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,900
Is that right? You're in the bath now?
550
00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:15,400
You have to mean things to help people.
551
00:35:15,500 --> 00:35:17,300
Fiona meant Killing Me Softly.
552
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:22,000
Killing Me Softly meant something to her
and look where she ended up.
553
00:35:23,900 --> 00:35:28,000
Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything,
to anyone.
554
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:32,000
I knew that guaranteed me
a long, depression-free life.
555
00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:04,700
Yet over the next few days,
I did have a strange feeling.
556
00:36:04,700 --> 00:36:07,400
Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.
557
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:09,300
And I didn't like it.
558
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,100
You don't have a kid, do you?
559
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,300
What?
560
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,600
You don't have a kid, do you?
561
00:36:29,700 --> 00:36:31,800
Of course I do! What are you on about?
562
00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:32,900
No, you don't.
563
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,300
I've been watching you,
and you don't have a kid.
564
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,700
What is it to you, anyway?
Nothing.
565
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,200
Except you've been lying to me,
my mum and my mum's friend.
566
00:36:45,900 --> 00:36:47,400
-Can I come in?
-No.
567
00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:48,600
Why?
568
00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:49,700
'Cause I'm busy.
569
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:54,100
-What are you doing?
-I'm watching TV.
570
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,400
I could watch it with you, if you like.
571
00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:58,800
That's very nice of you...
572
00:36:58,900 --> 00:37:01,200
...but I usually manage on my own, thanks.
573
00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:06,400
Don't you have homework to do, or something?
574
00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:08,400
-Want to help?
-No, that's not what I meant.
575
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:10,700
I meant, why don't you go home
and do your homework?
576
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:12,400
I'll do you a deal.
577
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,700
I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid
if you go out with my mum.
578
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,400
You'd want your mum
to go out with someone like me?
579
00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:25,000
You're not too bad.
580
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,200
I mean, you told lies,
but apart from that you seem okay.
581
00:37:29,100 --> 00:37:31,800
And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend.
582
00:37:33,100 --> 00:37:35,100
I can't just go out with someone...
583
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,600
...because you want me to.
I'd have to like the person, as well.
584
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,400
-What's wrong with her?
-Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system.
585
00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:45,300
That's how it....
I'm not talking about this with you.
586
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:46,700
Just go.
587
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,700
Okay. But I'll be back.
588
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,800
I'm really scared!
589
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,200
That's the best I could come up with,
"I'm scared."
590
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,500
But as a matter of fact, I was.
591
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,300
Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye.
592
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,800
-Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye.
-Goodbye.
593
00:39:09,900 --> 00:39:13,700
And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.
594
00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:24,500
Thanks. See you.
595
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,100
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the game of Countdown.
596
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,300
You remember yesterday, Carol,
I revealed to a grateful nation...
597
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,300
...that our guest, Tom O'Connell--
598
00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:51,300
Yes.
He, like all of us, changes for each show.
599
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:52,800
But he is such a--
600
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,000
Is that right?
Yeah.
601
00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:01,200
Another term for Hosta, I think.
602
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:02,600
Yes, well.
603
00:40:02,700 --> 00:40:06,900
Named after Heinrich Christian Funck,
who also invented disco dancing.
604
00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:12,200
Yes. I've got all his audios.
605
00:40:50,300 --> 00:40:54,300
Mum, did you always know
I was going to be a vegetarian?
606
00:40:54,900 --> 00:40:56,200
Yeah, of course I did.
607
00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:59,900
I didn't decide on the spur of the moment
'cause we ran out of sausages.
608
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,300
Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?
609
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,300
What, when you were born?
610
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:06,700
I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat.
611
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,300
You have to eat what I eat.
612
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,200
But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either.
613
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,300
Is this premature teenage rebellion?
614
00:41:16,900 --> 00:41:19,300
I can't stop you from going to McDonald's.
615
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,000
I'd just be disappointed if you did.
616
00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:28,200
Don't worry, Mum.
I won't go to McDonald's.
617
00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:36,300
After a few visits, Will seemed to think
he had to ask me serious questions.
618
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:40,500
But I knew he really wanted to watch
Warrior Princess.
619
00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:42,400
So, how's it going at home then?
620
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:45,200
-You mean my mum?
-Yeah.
621
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,600
She's all right, thanks.
622
00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:53,300
I mean, you know, she's....
623
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,800
Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.
624
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,700
Does it still bother you, then?
625
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,300
Does it bother me?
626
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,700
Are you decent?
627
00:42:15,300 --> 00:42:17,000
Every single day.
628
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,600
That's why I come here, instead of going home.
629
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,500
A bit. When I think about it.
630
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,800
Fucking hell.
631
00:42:30,100 --> 00:42:33,900
I don't know why he swore like that,
but it made me feel better.
632
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,400
It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic
to get so scared.
633
00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:44,900
I wouldn't make the mistake of asking
about Fiona again.
634
00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:46,700
Marcus was clearly screwed up about it...
635
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,700
...and unfortunately I couldn't think
of anything to say that'd be of any value.
636
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,400
Next time he could talk to Suzie,
or a counselor...
637
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,700
...or anybody capable
of something more than an obscenity.
638
00:42:56,700 --> 00:42:59,000
Shit! It can't be.
639
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,400
November-the-sodding-19.
640
00:43:04,500 --> 00:43:08,700
Six weeks before Christmas
and already they were playing the bloody thing.
641
00:43:09,300 --> 00:43:10,500
Dad?
642
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,200
What was your dad like?
643
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,500
A bit sad, really.
644
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:26,700
You know, he wrote one crap song
that turned out to be a massive hit...
645
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,600
...and then spent the rest of his life
trying to write a better one.
646
00:43:30,700 --> 00:43:32,600
Do you ever want to write songs like him?
647
00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:34,900
Is that what the guitar's for?
648
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:37,500
No.
649
00:43:38,900 --> 00:43:41,400
So, that's just there to look cool.
650
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,000
Yeah.
651
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,000
I like Santa's Super Sleigh.
652
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,100
Madonna! Come here!
We've got something.
653
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,700
He's getting away, look!
Hurry up!
654
00:44:11,900 --> 00:44:15,400
On Pet Rescue today,
the clever stoat keeps everyone...
655
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,800
...on their toes in Somerset.
656
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,000
Hey!
657
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,100
What are you doing?
Who are you?
658
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:48,400
Who am I?
659
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,700
Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off!
660
00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:56,200
Who were they, then?
661
00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:57,700
Who?
662
00:44:57,700 --> 00:44:58,800
What do you mean, "Who?"
663
00:44:58,900 --> 00:45:01,700
The ones
trying to embed sweets into your skull.
664
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:02,900
Oh, them.
665
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,900
They're just a couple of older kids.
They started following me after school.
666
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:08,700
Does this happen often?
667
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,500
They never chucked sweets before,
they just thought of that.
668
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:15,100
I'm not talking about the sweets.
The kids trying to kill you.
669
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,500
Yeah, they give me a hard time.
670
00:45:17,700 --> 00:45:21,200
You know, about my hair,
and my clothes and singing and stuff.
671
00:45:21,300 --> 00:45:22,800
And what? And singing?
672
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,100
Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.
673
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:29,500
That's not a brilliant idea, is it?
674
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:33,600
I said I did it without noticing, didn't I?
It just happens!
675
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,700
I'm not going to do it on purpose, am I?
I'm not stupid, you know.
676
00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:42,000
My advice is to keep out of people's way.
Try to make yourself invisible.
677
00:45:42,100 --> 00:45:43,500
How can I be invisible?
678
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,900
One machine in your kitchen
is an invisible machine?
679
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,700
I don't think so.
680
00:45:49,900 --> 00:45:52,800
I just try not to think of it, that's all.
681
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,500
It happens, and I wish it didn't,
but that's life, isn't it?
682
00:45:59,700 --> 00:46:02,200
There's nothing I can do about it.
683
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:06,700
No.
684
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,700
There is something we can do about it, Marcus.
685
00:46:12,500 --> 00:46:14,100
You're coming with me.
686
00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:17,700
I was worried he was going to take me
to the headmistress' office.
687
00:46:19,300 --> 00:46:21,200
But instead he took me shopping.
688
00:46:21,300 --> 00:46:22,500
I don't get it.
689
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,200
We're starting with your feet.
690
00:46:24,300 --> 00:46:28,300
I can't make you invisible,
but I can make you blend in with the crowd.
691
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,600
I don't know how to tie them.
They've got these funny strappy things.
692
00:46:32,700 --> 00:46:34,000
It's called Velcro.
693
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,500
It's a revolutionary new technology.
694
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,300
For Christ's sake. It's not hard.
695
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:46,600
All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.
696
00:46:46,700 --> 00:46:49,600
-Everything all right?
-Yeah, thanks.
697
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:53,900
Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he?
698
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,400
There. You think you look cool, don't you?
699
00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:00,700
Don't know.
700
00:47:00,900 --> 00:47:04,700
-Do you think I look cool?
-Yeah, Marcus.
701
00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,600
-I think you look cool.
-Yeah.
702
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,500
That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool.
703
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,200
Brilliant. High five. Yeah.
704
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,800
I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary
rush of well-being.
705
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:25,700
So this is what people meant by a natural high.
706
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,100
And it only cost60.
707
00:47:28,100 --> 00:47:31,100
I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.
708
00:47:31,300 --> 00:47:33,500
And there wasn't anything in it for me at all.
709
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,600
I didn't even want to shag his mum.
710
00:47:46,900 --> 00:47:49,700
Marcus! What happened to your shoes?
711
00:47:49,900 --> 00:47:51,600
They stole them.
712
00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:03,700
Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?
713
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,000
I could see I had to tell the truth.
714
00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:09,100
The problem was,
the truth would lead to a lot more questions.
715
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:10,800
They were nice ones.
716
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,200
They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.
717
00:48:13,300 --> 00:48:16,500
No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers.
718
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,000
Where did you get cool new trainers?
719
00:48:19,100 --> 00:48:20,800
She had loads more questions.
720
00:48:20,900 --> 00:48:22,700
Will bought them for me.
721
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:25,400
Will?
722
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,200
-The guy who took us to lunch?
-Yeah.
723
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,500
He's sort of become my friend.
724
00:48:32,100 --> 00:48:33,800
He's sort of become your friend?
725
00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:36,400
She kept repeating
the last thing I said.
726
00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:38,100
Except she shouted it.
727
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,700
I go round to his place after school.
728
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,500
You go round to his place after school!
729
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:47,300
-You see, he doesn't really have a kid.
-He doesn't really have a kid?
730
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,600
Can I play computer games now?
731
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:50,800
Where does he live?
732
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,800
He's not there at the moment.
He's out to dinner.
733
00:48:55,900 --> 00:48:58,900
Christine had asked me to dinner
for a pep talk.
734
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,400
You will end up childless and alone.
735
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,500
Both fingers crossed, yeah.
736
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,900
You must have a lot of courage.
737
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,000
Why is that, Christine?
738
00:49:10,700 --> 00:49:14,100
Most people need something in their lives
to keep them afloat...
739
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:17,200
...and you have absolutely nothing.
740
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,900
Doesn't that scare you?
741
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,600
Do you know what you want?
742
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:25,800
Yes, I do. I'll have the steak--
743
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:29,400
What the hell are these little
after-school tea parties about?
744
00:49:29,900 --> 00:49:31,800
Hi. Sorry? What did you say?
745
00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:36,100
I was just wondering why a single,
childless man would want to hang out...
746
00:49:36,100 --> 00:49:38,600
...with a 12-year-old boy every day?
747
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,800
You didn't tell your mum
that you've been coming round?
748
00:49:41,900 --> 00:49:44,300
-I think I forgot.
-Tell me what?
749
00:49:44,900 --> 00:49:46,700
What are you doing with my son?
750
00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:49,200
Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?
751
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:51,500
-I'm not suggesting anything.
-I think you are.
752
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:55,200
You were suggesting that
I've been interfering with your son.
753
00:49:55,300 --> 00:49:59,800
I'm simply asking you
why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.
754
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,300
-My God!
-Oh, my God!
755
00:50:03,300 --> 00:50:06,300
What do you have to say for yourself?
756
00:50:06,900 --> 00:50:08,100
Well?
757
00:50:08,100 --> 00:50:09,900
Don't "well" me!
758
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,600
Don't "well" me about this!
759
00:50:11,700 --> 00:50:14,400
He comes over uninvited every night!
Do you know why?
760
00:50:14,500 --> 00:50:18,300
He's having the shit bullied out of him at school!
And you haven't got a clue.
761
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,500
You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!
762
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:24,100
He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,
you daft, fucking hippie!
763
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,900
I think you're being a bit melodramatic.
Marcus is fine.
764
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:31,200
Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.
It should be the other way around.
765
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,200
You haven't had much contact with kids.
766
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,000
I used to be a bloody kid!
I went to a bloody school.
767
00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:39,500
I know when kids can't settle down
and when kids are miserable!
768
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:43,300
Look at him, for Christ's sake!
Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.
769
00:50:43,300 --> 00:50:46,800
-This coming from a woman who tried to--
-Cowabunga!
770
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,800
-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing.
771
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:52,600
I just felt like a shout.
772
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:53,900
Jesus, what a family.
773
00:50:54,100 --> 00:50:57,500
Will, you're disturbing the other customers.
774
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,200
It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.
775
00:50:59,300 --> 00:51:01,900
-Okay, so, you're not....
-What?
776
00:51:02,700 --> 00:51:04,900
No, I'm not! No, I'm not.
777
00:51:05,500 --> 00:51:07,200
Listen, don't worry about it.
778
00:51:07,300 --> 00:51:09,500
I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?
779
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:11,900
I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.
780
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,800
Go on. Bugger off.
781
00:51:16,300 --> 00:51:17,400
Sorry.
782
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,200
So that's it, is it?
783
00:51:28,300 --> 00:51:31,100
You're just out of his life, like that.
784
00:51:31,300 --> 00:51:32,100
Excuse me?
785
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,400
Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.
786
00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:36,400
Let's say there's this whole world...
787
00:51:36,500 --> 00:51:40,000
...that I don't understand,
and somehow, miraculously, you do.
788
00:51:40,100 --> 00:51:42,200
What are you going to do about it?
789
00:51:42,300 --> 00:51:45,300
I'm not going to do anything.
He's none of my business.
790
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,100
-You're a selfish bastard.
-That's what I tell him.
791
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,800
-He always puts himself first.
-But I'm on my own.
792
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:53,200
It's just me.
793
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,000
I'm not putting myself first.
There's nobody else.
794
00:51:56,100 --> 00:51:57,100
Yes, there is!
795
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,600
There's Marcus. You're involved now.
796
00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:01,900
He keeps coming around your bloody house.
797
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,500
You've come into his life for a reason.
798
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:06,200
You can't just shut him out.
799
00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:09,400
You can't shut life out. "No man is an island."
800
00:52:09,500 --> 00:52:11,400
-She's right, you know.
-Yeah, she is.
801
00:52:11,500 --> 00:52:13,000
No, she's not! She's wrong!
802
00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:15,000
Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!
803
00:52:15,100 --> 00:52:16,500
I'm bloody lbiza!
804
00:52:17,900 --> 00:52:20,000
What are you talking about?
805
00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:23,100
Do you want to come over for Christmas?
806
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:29,000
No, Marcus, I do not want
to come over for bloody Christmas.
807
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:33,400
I do not want to spend Christmas
with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.
808
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:37,400
I'd always thought
what you did with Christmas...
809
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,800
...was sort of a statement about
where you stood in life.
810
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:44,700
I was going to spend this Christmas
the way I usually did.
811
00:52:44,900 --> 00:52:48,000
Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.
812
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:04,100
Before you came,
I was all alone.
813
00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,400
It is bad to be alone.
814
00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:09,900
Alone, bad.
815
00:53:10,700 --> 00:53:12,700
Friend, good.
816
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,500
Friend, goodl
817
00:53:18,300 --> 00:53:19,900
Now come here.
818
00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:23,500
The good news was it wasn't
just me and Fiona and Marcus.
819
00:53:23,500 --> 00:53:26,300
The bad news was, well....
820
00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:30,300
So, you're Marcus' dad.
821
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:36,300
Yeah, I guess so.
And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.
822
00:53:40,100 --> 00:53:41,600
And Lindsey's mum.
823
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:46,300
Hi there.
824
00:53:55,100 --> 00:53:58,000
-Thanks, Dad.
-That's okay.
825
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:00,100
I had to hand it to the kid.
826
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:03,600
He could be enthusiastic
about some truly crap present.
827
00:54:04,100 --> 00:54:06,700
Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.
828
00:54:07,500 --> 00:54:08,700
Isn't that cool, Will?
829
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,500
Yeah, that'll come in handy.
830
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,700
I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect."
831
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:18,600
Maybe you can perform at that school concert.
Get a pop group together. Make some friends.
832
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:20,600
Maybe, Mum.
833
00:54:22,700 --> 00:54:26,600
When you sing,
it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.
834
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,200
Thanks, Mum.
835
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,900
This one's from me.
836
00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:47,400
Brilliant! What is it?
837
00:54:47,700 --> 00:54:49,100
It's a CD, Marcus.
838
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,400
By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.
839
00:54:52,500 --> 00:54:54,700
And what kind of music is Mystikal?
840
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,900
It's sort of world music.
841
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,200
"Shake Ya Ass."
842
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,400
Slash rap type thing.
843
00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,200
Shake Ya Ass?
844
00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:06,600
Is he Moroccan?
845
00:55:06,700 --> 00:55:08,700
I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.
846
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:09,800
It's great anyway.
847
00:55:09,900 --> 00:55:14,300
I know you haven't got a CD player,
so, I got you one of them as well.
848
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:16,600
What a lucky boy.
849
00:55:17,900 --> 00:55:19,200
Look, Mum.
850
00:55:19,700 --> 00:55:22,400
-Open yours, Will.
-All right. Thanks a lot.
851
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,200
-Marcus, is this a joke?
-Yeah.
852
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:33,100
It's not bad.
853
00:55:33,500 --> 00:55:36,500
Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!
854
00:55:36,700 --> 00:55:38,700
-Have I missed anything?
-No, come on in.
855
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:41,400
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas!
856
00:55:42,100 --> 00:55:43,600
Hey!
857
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:46,700
Long time no see.
858
00:55:48,300 --> 00:55:49,500
Where's Megan?
859
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:54,000
At her dad's. Where's Ned?
At his mum's for Christmas?
860
00:56:01,100 --> 00:56:02,100
Yeah.
861
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:05,500
No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?
862
00:56:05,900 --> 00:56:09,700
You could go pose as Santa,
try and shag some carol singers.
863
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,800
Are you a professional Santa?
864
00:56:11,900 --> 00:56:13,100
How lovely!
865
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,700
Right. That's it. I'm off.
866
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,500
Thank you very much. It was great.
867
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:20,300
Suzie has every right to express her anger.
868
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,000
Yes, and she's expressed it.
869
00:56:22,100 --> 00:56:24,400
Now I have a right to bugger off.
870
00:56:24,500 --> 00:56:26,600
Thanks a lot. 'Bye.
871
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:27,800
Wait!
872
00:56:28,300 --> 00:56:30,100
He's my friend. I invited him.
873
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:32,200
I should be able to tell him when to go home.
874
00:56:32,300 --> 00:56:34,700
I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.
875
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:38,000
Suzie's angry and has every right to be,
and she's telling him so.
876
00:56:38,100 --> 00:56:39,200
She's right, Marcus.
877
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,200
Just leave it, okay?
878
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,200
All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.
879
00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:46,800
God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?
880
00:56:46,900 --> 00:56:49,000
Kids at school do worse than that every day!
881
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,000
The point is, Marcus,
Will left school a long time ago.
882
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,300
He should've grown out
of making people up by now.
883
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,700
-That's for sure.
-lt's not fair to gang up on him.
884
00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:58,500
He's been better behaved since then.
885
00:56:58,700 --> 00:57:03,900
He bought me trainers, he lets me go round
to his house and he knows what kids need.
886
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:07,100
What?
Expensive footwear and obscene music?
887
00:57:07,100 --> 00:57:10,200
If there's something you really need
then we can talk about it.
888
00:57:10,300 --> 00:57:13,900
No, we can't. It's not a discussion,
it's an argument, and you always win.
889
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:17,000
-Why not just tell me what to do?
-I want you to think for yourself!
890
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:19,600
I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!
891
00:57:19,700 --> 00:57:22,200
He's not the only one
who ever did anything wrong!
892
00:57:22,300 --> 00:57:24,500
Remember how we met? Remember why?
Because you--
893
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:29,200
Because you threw a loaf of bread
at a duck's head and killed it, basically.
894
00:57:33,700 --> 00:57:36,000
Excuse me? What's this about a duck?
895
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:38,500
Are we having duck? Delicious!
896
00:57:41,100 --> 00:57:43,200
Of course we were not having duck.
897
00:57:43,300 --> 00:57:46,200
Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy.
898
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,800
As I sat there, I had a strange feeling.
899
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:53,400
I was enjoying myself.
900
00:57:54,100 --> 00:57:56,700
I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before.
901
00:57:56,900 --> 00:57:59,200
My mother used to make me sing
Santa's Super Sleigh...
902
00:57:59,300 --> 00:58:01,700
...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts...
903
00:58:01,900 --> 00:58:04,200
...just to get at my dad, I think.
904
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:08,300
But Christmas at Marcus',
I'm ashamed to say it, gave me...
905
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,100
...a warm, fuzzy feeling.
906
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:14,100
I held that feeling responsible
for the strange events that followed.
907
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,700
First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl.
908
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,800
Hello.
Piss off.
909
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,800
And then, even stranger, so did I.
910
00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:31,500
It was all Marcus' fault, really...
911
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:35,800
...because once you open your door
to one person, anyone can come in.
912
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,700
On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel.
913
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,500
She was interesting, smart and attractive.
914
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:45,200
And for about five minutes,
I had her convinced that I was, too.
915
00:58:45,300 --> 00:58:47,400
...things like political events.
916
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:48,400
Okay.
917
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:49,900
You in television?
918
00:58:50,300 --> 00:58:53,700
Am I in television? No.
919
00:58:53,700 --> 00:58:55,900
-Everyone else is in television.
-Yeah.
920
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,200
I watch television.
921
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:00,300
Right, right.
So you're more in front of it than in it.
922
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:02,400
-ln it, yeah.
-Yes, I get it, yeah.
923
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:03,700
It was torture.
924
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:08,200
For five minutes I realized what life would be like
if I were, in any way, interesting.
925
00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:11,800
If I had anything to say for myself,
if I did anything.
926
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:13,700
But I didn't do anything.
927
00:59:14,300 --> 00:59:18,400
And in about 30 seconds she'd know
and she'd be gone like a shot.
928
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:21,100
So what do you do?
929
00:59:23,300 --> 00:59:26,800
I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment.
930
00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,300
-Sounds good, yeah.
-Yeah.
931
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:31,900
Time off from what?
932
00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:38,700
To be absolutely honest,
time off from time off, in fact.
933
00:59:38,900 --> 00:59:43,800
The interesting thing about me is
I don't actually do anything.
934
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,000
-You don't do anything?
-Actually, no.
935
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,000
-Nothing.
-Nope.
936
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:56,800
Wow.
937
00:59:58,100 --> 00:59:59,300
That's....
938
01:00:00,900 --> 01:00:02,400
Now, Rachel, darling.
939
01:00:03,700 --> 01:00:06,900
East Coast or West Coast rap?
940
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:08,200
I have absolutely no....
941
01:00:08,300 --> 01:00:12,500
There. She was gone.
There was no more to say.
942
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,800
All rap music sounds exactly the same to me.
943
01:00:15,900 --> 01:00:16,800
Or was there?
944
01:00:16,900 --> 01:00:20,700
I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old
who'd kill you for saying that.
945
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:22,500
-Really?
-Yes.
946
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,300
-So do l, come to that.
-Yeah?
947
01:00:25,700 --> 01:00:28,400
-Yeah. What's yours called?
-Mine?
948
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,600
He's called Marcus.
949
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:37,100
Mine's Ali. Alistair.
950
01:00:37,700 --> 01:00:39,300
And there it was.
951
01:00:39,300 --> 01:00:42,400
It wasn't a lie.
It was 100 percent her assumption.
952
01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:45,200
Well, 50 percent, at the very least.
953
01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:51,900
I was in fantasyland again.
But this time it was different.
954
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:57,400
SPAT was for fun. This was serious.
I acted in self-defense.
955
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:07,900
We arranged to get our lads together.
956
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:11,000
Which means
we arranged for us to get together.
957
01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:13,800
Single parents, alone together.
958
01:01:15,300 --> 01:01:17,400
Happy New Year!
959
01:01:18,500 --> 01:01:20,400
I was in deep trouble.
960
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:25,100
And there was only one person
who could help me out.
961
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:39,700
"Shake ya ass, but watch ya self
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with
962
01:01:39,900 --> 01:01:41,700
"Shake ya ass, watch ya self
963
01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:47,800
-"Show me what you workin' with"
-What did you just say to me?
964
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,100
You heard me, squitty little shitty
snot-nosed bastard!
965
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:53,300
Sorry.
966
01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:55,800
I was singing along to this song by Mystikal.
967
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,400
It's a rap.
968
01:01:57,500 --> 01:01:59,000
You like rap?
969
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:00,100
A little.
970
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,400
It's by black people, mostly.
They're angry most of the time.
971
01:02:03,500 --> 01:02:06,000
But sometimes they just want to have sex.
972
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:08,400
You taking a piss?
973
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:10,200
'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap.
974
01:02:10,300 --> 01:02:11,800
I'm not taking a piss.
975
01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:14,700
I don't even know how to take a piss.
976
01:02:15,100 --> 01:02:17,200
-What's your name?
-Marcus.
977
01:02:19,700 --> 01:02:21,100
I'm Ellie.
978
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,000
Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you.
979
01:02:23,100 --> 01:02:27,600
Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact.
Next thing you know, we'll be having sex.
980
01:02:27,700 --> 01:02:29,700
And where will that get us?
981
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:33,000
And stop telling strangers to shake their ass.
982
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:35,800
Okay, Ellie. See you!
983
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,100
Hello, mate.
984
01:02:49,300 --> 01:02:51,800
Listen, I need your help.
985
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:56,500
Why did you tell this lady I was your son?
986
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:57,800
No, I didn't tell her.
987
01:02:57,900 --> 01:03:00,900
I told you,
she just got the wrong end of the stick.
988
01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,300
So just tell her.
989
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,500
-No. Can't do that.
-Why not?
990
01:03:04,500 --> 01:03:08,900
We're really going around in circles here.
Just accept the facts, okay?
991
01:03:09,100 --> 01:03:10,600
You're my son.
992
01:03:10,700 --> 01:03:12,600
I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind.
993
01:03:12,700 --> 01:03:15,100
That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no.
994
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:17,500
-Why not?
-For Christ's sake!
995
01:03:17,500 --> 01:03:21,200
She's got a rare disease
and if she believes something that's not right...
996
01:03:21,300 --> 01:03:25,700
...then hears the truth, her brain will boil
in her head and she'll die, okay?
997
01:03:26,300 --> 01:03:28,200
That's a load of shit.
998
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:32,800
I'm really interested in this woman.
999
01:03:33,100 --> 01:03:35,300
What do you mean, interested?
1000
01:03:35,700 --> 01:03:37,600
What's so interesting about her?
1001
01:03:37,700 --> 01:03:39,400
Okay, Marcus, here.
1002
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:42,700
Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it.
1003
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:45,500
I want to go out with her. Okay?
1004
01:03:45,500 --> 01:03:48,000
I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it.
1005
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,700
Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that?
1006
01:03:51,100 --> 01:03:53,000
I don't know.
1007
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,500
I was embarrassed or something,
'cause this is a bit new for me.
1008
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:59,200
I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of--
1009
01:03:59,300 --> 01:04:01,100
There's this girl at school. Ellie.
1010
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:03,100
I kind of want her to be my girlfriend.
1011
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:04,900
I'm not exactly sure.
1012
01:04:05,100 --> 01:04:06,800
I've been meaning to ask you.
1013
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:10,900
What's the difference between
a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?
1014
01:04:10,900 --> 01:04:14,400
Well, I don't know.
1015
01:04:14,900 --> 01:04:17,200
Do you want to touch her?
1016
01:04:17,300 --> 01:04:18,600
Is that so important?
1017
01:04:18,700 --> 01:04:20,300
Yeah, you've heard about sex, right?
1018
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:22,000
It is kind of a big deal.
1019
01:04:22,100 --> 01:04:24,200
I know. I'm not stupid.
1020
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,300
I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.
1021
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:31,500
I mean, like, I want to be with her more.
I want to be with her all the time.
1022
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:34,500
And I want to tell her things
I don't even tell you or Mum.
1023
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,100
And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.
1024
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,200
If I could have all those things...
1025
01:04:39,300 --> 01:04:42,600
...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.
1026
01:04:43,500 --> 01:04:45,500
Well, you'll learn, Marcus.
1027
01:04:45,900 --> 01:04:48,100
You won't feel like that forever.
1028
01:04:52,300 --> 01:04:54,000
Okay, how do I look?
1029
01:04:54,100 --> 01:04:55,900
Good. How do I look?
1030
01:04:58,100 --> 01:05:01,100
Just be as normal as you can, okay?
1031
01:05:02,100 --> 01:05:03,800
Good advice for Marcus.
1032
01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:05,600
I wish I could have followed it.
1033
01:05:05,700 --> 01:05:07,400
I'm sorry it's such a mess.
1034
01:05:07,500 --> 01:05:09,600
That's where I work.
1035
01:05:11,300 --> 01:05:14,000
My mouth was dry
and my palms sweating.
1036
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,500
I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.
1037
01:05:16,700 --> 01:05:19,400
...manage to tidy up. Ali?
1038
01:05:19,500 --> 01:05:22,400
All I could do was stand there,
grinning like an idiot.
1039
01:05:22,500 --> 01:05:25,400
-Should we just go upstairs?
-Sure. Okay.
1040
01:05:28,100 --> 01:05:29,300
Ali.
1041
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:30,600
Marcus.
1042
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:32,600
Marcus.
1043
01:05:33,500 --> 01:05:34,500
Ali.
1044
01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:38,400
You're in my year at school.
1045
01:05:38,700 --> 01:05:41,500
Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around.
1046
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:42,400
Great!
1047
01:05:42,500 --> 01:05:44,800
Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about.
1048
01:05:44,900 --> 01:05:46,700
Will, this is Ali.
1049
01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:48,600
Ali, this is Will.
1050
01:05:48,900 --> 01:05:51,400
-All right.
-All right.
1051
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:56,300
Do you guys want to hang up here for a while?
1052
01:05:57,300 --> 01:05:59,400
-Yeah, sounds good, right?
-Yeah. Okay.
1053
01:05:59,500 --> 01:06:01,400
For a moment, I loved him.
1054
01:06:01,500 --> 01:06:02,900
Really loved him.
1055
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,300
You can show him
your new computer games.
1056
01:06:05,400 --> 01:06:07,300
Good. Okay, catch you later.
1057
01:06:07,300 --> 01:06:09,400
Let's leave them to it.
1058
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:21,500
If your dad goes out with my mum,
then you're dead.
1059
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:23,100
Really dead.
1060
01:06:23,600 --> 01:06:26,700
-Don't worry. He's all right.
-I don't care if he's all right!
1061
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:28,700
I don't want him going out with my mum!
1062
01:06:28,900 --> 01:06:32,500
I don't want to see him
or you around here ever again, okay?
1063
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:34,500
I'm not really sure it's up to me.
1064
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:37,700
Well, it better be! Or you're going to die.
1065
01:06:37,700 --> 01:06:41,700
I was getting the feeling
that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer.
1066
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:44,800
Can I have a go on your computer?
What games you got?
1067
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:46,700
Are you listening to me?
1068
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:50,400
Yeah, it's just that I can't really
do much at the moment, can I?
1069
01:06:50,500 --> 01:06:53,700
I mean, Will, that's my dad...
1070
01:06:54,900 --> 01:06:57,800
...he likes your mum,
and I think she's keen on him.
1071
01:06:57,900 --> 01:06:59,500
She's not keen on him!
1072
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,500
She's only keen on me!
1073
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:05,400
One amazing thing about Rachel...
1074
01:07:05,500 --> 01:07:09,200
...was that I wanted to kiss her every time
she said something interesting.
1075
01:07:09,700 --> 01:07:11,400
Which was all the time.
1076
01:07:11,700 --> 01:07:14,600
It was sexy. It was weird.
1077
01:07:15,700 --> 01:07:19,200
I use Bristol boards, India ink and....
1078
01:07:20,500 --> 01:07:21,900
Am I boring you?
1079
01:07:22,200 --> 01:07:23,600
No, no. No.
1080
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,000
-What?
-Nothing.
1081
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:30,000
It's just you looked like Marcus just then.
1082
01:07:31,100 --> 01:07:31,900
Did I?
1083
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:35,500
I think it's sweet how much
he seems to take after you...
1084
01:07:35,700 --> 01:07:38,800
...and the way he dresses like you, as well.
1085
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:43,100
I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.
1086
01:07:46,700 --> 01:07:47,700
Marcus?
1087
01:07:51,600 --> 01:07:54,700
Wait! Hang on. Hang on.
Come on, we're going back.
1088
01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:57,300
-He's off his head.
-No, he's not.
1089
01:07:57,400 --> 01:08:01,600
He said he'd cut me up into little pieces
and hide me under the floorboards.
1090
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:04,700
-He did?
-No.
1091
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:06,600
But I'm sure he's capable of it.
1092
01:08:06,700 --> 01:08:08,800
It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.
1093
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:12,100
Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.
1094
01:08:14,500 --> 01:08:15,900
Doesn't he?
1095
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:18,800
Sorry, Marcus.
1096
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:22,400
I didn't mean to say those things.
1097
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:24,300
It's okay, Ali.
1098
01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:28,700
Ali finds all this very difficult.
1099
01:08:29,100 --> 01:08:31,200
Yeah, so does Marcus.
1100
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:34,900
Don't you, mate?
1101
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:37,600
You know, I mean, divorced parents...
1102
01:08:37,700 --> 01:08:40,900
...and not knowing
how to feel about new people.
1103
01:08:42,900 --> 01:08:46,200
Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.
1104
01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:49,300
Ali didn't get along
with the last bloke I went out with.
1105
01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:51,600
-He was a liar!
-All right, darling.
1106
01:08:52,500 --> 01:08:54,700
He wasn't 100 percent good news.
1107
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:59,100
-I'm not saying that you and I are.
-That's okay.
1108
01:08:59,300 --> 01:09:01,700
He fancies you. He told me.
1109
01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:07,500
-Thanks a lot, mate.
-Oh, dear.
1110
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:09,100
Cheers, mate.
1111
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:15,100
Don't look so worried, sweetheart.
1112
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:17,900
Ellie!
1113
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,500
-Marcus? What, are you stalking me?
-No.
1114
01:09:20,500 --> 01:09:22,700
Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.
1115
01:09:22,800 --> 01:09:26,000
Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did l, sexy?
1116
01:09:27,900 --> 01:09:30,000
All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.
1117
01:09:30,100 --> 01:09:34,200
It just looks a bit more like owner and pet
than boyfriend and girlfriend.
1118
01:09:34,300 --> 01:09:36,100
At least I'm honest.
1119
01:09:36,200 --> 01:09:37,300
What does that mean?
1120
01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:39,700
It's just that you and Rachel....
1121
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:43,500
What? What does that mean?
1122
01:09:43,900 --> 01:09:47,000
I don't know,
I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.
1123
01:09:47,100 --> 01:09:50,900
I mean, like, you want to be with her
but she thinks you have a son.
1124
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:52,200
And you don't.
1125
01:09:52,300 --> 01:09:54,300
If you're going to be with someone...
1126
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:57,000
...shouldn't you tell them things like that?
1127
01:09:57,800 --> 01:09:58,900
No.
1128
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:01,700
I mean, you know, like the truth.
1129
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,100
What's wrong with you?
1130
01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:08,900
But later that night,
when I was on my own...
1131
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,300
...I remembered the deal
Marcus was prepared to strike.
1132
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,900
Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.
1133
01:10:16,500 --> 01:10:19,400
But at this moment, if I had the choice...
1134
01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:23,200
...I'd settle for the less and the more
that Marcus wanted.
1135
01:10:23,900 --> 01:10:26,200
Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?
1136
01:10:26,300 --> 01:10:28,800
Would he be buying me shoes soon?
1137
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:33,300
I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.
1138
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:36,400
Or very nearly the truth.
1139
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,400
That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.
1140
01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:42,300
And that is not natural seaweed.
1141
01:10:42,500 --> 01:10:46,300
The problem was, once I told the truth,
I knew there'd be more questions.
1142
01:10:46,500 --> 01:10:49,000
I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...
1143
01:10:49,100 --> 01:10:53,300
...and you don't live with him,
then how is he your son?
1144
01:10:53,700 --> 01:10:54,800
Yeah, I see.
1145
01:10:55,100 --> 01:10:58,400
It must look very confusing from the outside.
1146
01:10:58,500 --> 01:11:00,900
Tell me how it is on the inside.
1147
01:11:01,600 --> 01:11:04,300
It's just one of those long, boring stories.
1148
01:11:04,300 --> 01:11:06,800
Look, do you want to move on to wine?
1149
01:11:06,900 --> 01:11:08,900
You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?
1150
01:11:08,900 --> 01:11:14,100
You would like to try,
I suspect, the Panang Paneng.
1151
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:16,300
Yeah?
1152
01:11:16,900 --> 01:11:18,000
No.
1153
01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,100
Tell me about your relationship with Ali.
1154
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:25,900
-ls that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?
-No.
1155
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,700
I slept with his father,
and then nine months later I gave birth.
1156
01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:30,800
Pretty straight forward.
1157
01:11:30,900 --> 01:11:33,300
Yeah. I envy you that.
1158
01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:38,900
I'm really sorry to harp on about this
but I haven't got it all worked out yet.
1159
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:43,300
You are Marcus' stepfather,
but you don't live with him or with his mother.
1160
01:11:45,600 --> 01:11:48,400
No, you see, wait.
1161
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:02,700
I never said he was my son.
1162
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:03,800
Did I?
1163
01:12:03,900 --> 01:12:07,200
The words "I have a son called Marcus,"
never escaped my lips.
1164
01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,500
It's what you chose to believe.
1165
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:11,400
Yeah. Right.
1166
01:12:11,700 --> 01:12:13,900
It's me that's the fantasist.
1167
01:12:14,100 --> 01:12:17,900
I wanted to believe that you had a son,
so I let my imagination run riot.
1168
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,100
Obviously I played a part, I can see that.
1169
01:12:20,300 --> 01:12:24,000
No! Not at all.
I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.
1170
01:12:24,100 --> 01:12:27,400
"God, if only he had a son.
A geeky, teenage kid, if possible."
1171
01:12:27,500 --> 01:12:30,400
Then you turned up at my house
with Marcus, and bingo!
1172
01:12:30,400 --> 01:12:35,000
Now I made this crazy link
'cause of some deep psychological need in me.
1173
01:12:35,900 --> 01:12:38,600
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
1174
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:42,000
It could have happened to anyone.
1175
01:12:45,300 --> 01:12:50,500
The first time I met you
I thought you were a bit blank.
1176
01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:55,300
But then you changed my mind.
1177
01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,600
Maybe I was right.
1178
01:12:59,100 --> 01:13:01,000
-Rachel, listen.
-Yes?
1179
01:13:11,700 --> 01:13:13,800
I'm sorry, you're right.
1180
01:13:17,500 --> 01:13:21,800
I am a blank.
1181
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:27,400
I'm really nothing.
1182
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:35,500
I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,
I'm sorry.
1183
01:13:56,700 --> 01:13:57,700
'Bye, Ellie.
1184
01:13:57,900 --> 01:13:59,500
Marcus! My man!
1185
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:01,700
Bye, Marcus!
1186
01:14:01,700 --> 01:14:03,400
See you, Marcus!
1187
01:14:22,700 --> 01:14:23,800
Mum?
1188
01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:54,100
So, if z = 17, does x > 2?
1189
01:14:54,500 --> 01:14:55,800
Marcus?
1190
01:14:57,300 --> 01:14:59,600
I didn't know what the answer was.
1191
01:14:59,700 --> 01:15:01,800
I didn't know what "x" equaled.
1192
01:15:01,900 --> 01:15:04,300
And I didn't know how to help my mum.
1193
01:15:14,300 --> 01:15:16,000
And then I realized.
1194
01:15:16,100 --> 01:15:18,900
There was something she said
I could do for her.
1195
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:23,800
-I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.
-You? At the rock concert?
1196
01:15:24,500 --> 01:15:27,900
I don't think that would be
a very good idea, Marcus.
1197
01:15:28,000 --> 01:15:29,400
Will you accompany me?
1198
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,400
All I've got is a tambourine.
1199
01:15:32,100 --> 01:15:35,400
No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.
1200
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:39,500
I mean, they'll crucify you.
1201
01:16:04,300 --> 01:16:06,100
Mum's at it again.
1202
01:16:09,400 --> 01:16:12,300
-At what? Sorry.
-What do you mean, what?
1203
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,600
The crying.
1204
01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:17,200
She sits in the house all day, crying.
1205
01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:19,800
She does it in the mornings, too.
1206
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:27,400
It's as bad now as it was
before the Dead Duck Day.
1207
01:16:33,100 --> 01:16:36,000
Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...
1208
01:16:38,300 --> 01:16:40,200
...l'm a bit busy at the moment.
1209
01:16:40,300 --> 01:16:43,300
You're busy? Doing what?
1210
01:16:45,700 --> 01:16:48,200
-Didn't you hear me?
-I heard you.
1211
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:51,700
-What do you want me to do about it?
-I don't know.
1212
01:16:51,700 --> 01:16:54,300
-You could talk to her.
-Yeah? And what would I say?
1213
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:56,600
-I don't know!
-Why would she listen to me?
1214
01:16:56,700 --> 01:16:58,300
Who am I to her?
1215
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,800
-I'm nobody.
-You're not nobody.
1216
01:17:00,900 --> 01:17:03,200
-You're--
-Who? Who do you think I am?
1217
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:05,800
Who do you think you are?
1218
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:09,800
You come here uninvited,
you disrupt my life, you screw things up.
1219
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:12,900
What do you want from me?
This isn't my problem.
1220
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:15,800
I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.
I'm not your uncle.
1221
01:17:15,900 --> 01:17:17,200
I'm not your big brother.
1222
01:17:17,300 --> 01:17:20,700
We've established pretty firmly
that I'm not your father, either, am I?
1223
01:17:20,800 --> 01:17:21,700
But....
1224
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:23,100
I'll tell you what I am.
1225
01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:27,600
I'm the guy who's really good at
choosing trainers or records, okay?
1226
01:17:27,700 --> 01:17:30,400
That's it. I can't help you with real things.
1227
01:17:30,500 --> 01:17:33,900
I can't help you with anything
that means anything.
1228
01:17:36,300 --> 01:17:38,000
You could try.
1229
01:17:47,600 --> 01:17:48,800
You're right.
1230
01:17:49,500 --> 01:17:51,000
You can't help me.
1231
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:52,500
How could you?
1232
01:17:52,600 --> 01:17:55,300
You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...
1233
01:17:55,400 --> 01:17:56,400
...and buys things.
1234
01:17:56,500 --> 01:18:01,000
You don't give a shit about anybody,
and nobody gives a shit about you!
1235
01:18:31,700 --> 01:18:34,800
Mum said my singing brought
sunshine and happiness...
1236
01:18:34,900 --> 01:18:36,300
...into her life.
1237
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:39,800
So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.
1238
01:19:09,700 --> 01:19:10,800
Look, Mum.
1239
01:19:53,500 --> 01:19:58,700
My life is made up of units of time.
Buying CDs: Two units.
1240
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:03,100
Eating lunch: Three units.
1241
01:20:05,200 --> 01:20:08,500
Exercising: Two units.
1242
01:20:10,900 --> 01:20:13,600
All in all, I had a very full life.
1243
01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:27,600
It's just that it didn't mean anything.
1244
01:20:40,600 --> 01:20:46,300
"Look who's coming
round the bend"
1245
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:58,700
The fact was there was only one thing
that meant something to me:
1246
01:21:10,700 --> 01:21:14,500
Marcus. He was the only thing
that meant something to me.
1247
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:18,000
And Fiona was the only thing
that meant something to him.
1248
01:21:18,100 --> 01:21:20,500
And she was about to fall off the edge.
1249
01:21:39,300 --> 01:21:41,400
Single parents alone together!
1250
01:21:41,500 --> 01:21:43,500
Single parents alone together!
1251
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:48,000
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!
1252
01:21:50,300 --> 01:21:53,500
-Fiona!
-Will, we haven't seen you for a while.
1253
01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:55,000
How's Ned?
1254
01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:59,900
Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.
1255
01:22:01,100 --> 01:22:02,500
Yeah, I made him up.
1256
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:04,000
-You made him up?
-Yeah.
1257
01:22:04,100 --> 01:22:06,700
-To meet women.
-You're sick.
1258
01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:09,900
-Fiona, I've got to talk to you.
-Go ahead.
1259
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:12,900
No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.
1260
01:22:12,900 --> 01:22:16,000
No, this is a circle of truth.
1261
01:22:16,100 --> 01:22:19,700
Whatever you have to say,
you can say it in front of everybody.
1262
01:22:20,700 --> 01:22:25,000
Okay. Please don't try
and commit suicide again.
1263
01:22:27,700 --> 01:22:31,000
I can't believe you just said that.
That is my private experience.
1264
01:22:31,100 --> 01:22:33,800
Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.
1265
01:22:33,900 --> 01:22:35,500
Marcus is worried about you.
1266
01:22:35,500 --> 01:22:37,600
I'm worried because he's worried about you.
1267
01:22:37,700 --> 01:22:40,800
Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide.
1268
01:22:40,900 --> 01:22:41,900
You don't?
1269
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,700
Not at the moment, no.
1270
01:22:44,500 --> 01:22:46,800
Great. Great!
1271
01:22:46,900 --> 01:22:49,100
Good.
1272
01:22:49,100 --> 01:22:52,000
You know I'm not attracted to you, right?
1273
01:22:53,700 --> 01:22:57,100
What are you on about?
No. What are you, nuts?
1274
01:22:57,900 --> 01:23:00,100
Right. Wrong word completely.
1275
01:23:00,300 --> 01:23:05,300
But that's something that
we should, you know, talk about a bit.
1276
01:23:05,400 --> 01:23:07,700
The crying in the morning thing, the depression.
1277
01:23:07,900 --> 01:23:10,200
Let's get that fixed.
1278
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:13,300
That's what men think, isn't it?
What?
1279
01:23:13,900 --> 01:23:17,000
That unless you've got the answer,
unless you can say:
1280
01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:21,200
"I know a bloke in the Essex Road who
can fix that," then there's no point bothering.
1281
01:23:21,300 --> 01:23:22,300
No.
1282
01:23:23,700 --> 01:23:25,500
Well, yeah, okay. I would.
1283
01:23:25,600 --> 01:23:28,700
I'd love to know the name of the bloke
in the Essex Road...
1284
01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:31,000
...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless.
1285
01:23:31,200 --> 01:23:33,100
Will, you're not useless.
1286
01:23:34,400 --> 01:23:37,900
You're here. And that matters.
1287
01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:40,100
Right.
1288
01:23:40,100 --> 01:23:42,500
-Now, can we.... Do you mind?
-What?
1289
01:23:42,800 --> 01:23:46,300
-Marcus is singing at the school concert.
-Marcus is singing?
1290
01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:47,900
-Yeah, singing.
-At school?
1291
01:23:47,900 --> 01:23:49,600
It's a pop concert. He's so excited.
1292
01:23:49,700 --> 01:23:52,900
-I want to get there on time.
-Wait, wait. What's he singing?
1293
01:23:53,000 --> 01:23:57,400
"Killing me softly with his song
1294
01:23:57,700 --> 01:24:00,200
"Telling my whole life"
1295
01:24:02,400 --> 01:24:06,200
-What time does this thing start?
-What have you got against Marcus singing?
1296
01:24:06,300 --> 01:24:10,800
You know the dream where you're at school
without your trousers on and everyone laughs?
1297
01:24:10,900 --> 01:24:14,100
-What's the connection?
-That will be Marcus, but for real.
1298
01:24:14,100 --> 01:24:16,800
If he sings that song in front of those kids...
1299
01:24:17,000 --> 01:24:19,200
...you can just write him off until university.
1300
01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:22,500
If he reaches university,
'cause he's going to get torn to shreds.
1301
01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:25,200
You cannot stop someone
from expressing themselves.
1302
01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:29,200
He's not expressing himself!
He's expressing you, okay?
1303
01:24:30,700 --> 01:24:31,700
Oh, God.
1304
01:24:32,900 --> 01:24:36,400
What? Jesus Christ.
1305
01:24:36,700 --> 01:24:40,400
You're right. Will, am I a bad mother?
1306
01:24:40,800 --> 01:24:45,300
No, you're not a bad mother.
You're just a barking lunatic.
1307
01:24:45,500 --> 01:24:47,200
No, I am. I am a bad mother.
1308
01:24:47,300 --> 01:24:50,700
I've let things slide
and I haven't been noticing properly.
1309
01:24:50,800 --> 01:24:53,300
He's a special, very special boy.
1310
01:24:53,300 --> 01:24:55,800
And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it!
1311
01:24:55,900 --> 01:24:58,800
Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.
1312
01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:29,300
Okay, you park it.
What?
1313
01:26:17,300 --> 01:26:18,400
Hi.
1314
01:26:19,700 --> 01:26:21,100
What are you doing here?
1315
01:26:21,100 --> 01:26:23,000
That's Ali up there.
1316
01:26:28,900 --> 01:26:32,700
He's talented.
1317
01:26:57,400 --> 01:27:02,600
Now that was the Def Penalty Kru
with Murder Fo' Life.
1318
01:27:03,300 --> 01:27:06,300
Our next big act is Marcus Brewer...
1319
01:27:06,400 --> 01:27:09,800
...singing Roberta Flack's beloved
Killing Me Softly.
1320
01:27:12,400 --> 01:27:16,000
He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove
on the recorder.
1321
01:27:18,400 --> 01:27:19,900
Marcus, I can't do this.
1322
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:22,800
-That lot's going to shit all over us.
-But you said....
1323
01:27:22,900 --> 01:27:26,500
I'm sorry. Here's your 5 back.
1324
01:27:28,900 --> 01:27:30,500
Any moment now.
1325
01:27:44,700 --> 01:27:47,300
Come on, Marcus, you wally!
1326
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:52,600
Wait! Wait!
1327
01:27:52,700 --> 01:27:55,200
Excuse me. What is going on here?
1328
01:27:55,300 --> 01:27:58,900
Nothing. Everything's under control.
I'm just his voice coach.
1329
01:27:59,200 --> 01:28:00,700
What are you doing here?
1330
01:28:00,700 --> 01:28:05,200
I heard you were about to commit social suicide,
so I dropped by.
1331
01:28:05,300 --> 01:28:07,000
-My accompanist left!
-Brilliant.
1332
01:28:07,100 --> 01:28:09,000
-You don't have to do it.
-I can't do that.
1333
01:28:09,000 --> 01:28:11,900
Yeah, you can.
Just tell them: Artistic differences.
1334
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:14,600
You can't work without him.
He had a drug problem.
1335
01:28:14,700 --> 01:28:17,000
My mum wants me to sing it.
It'll make her happy.
1336
01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:22,200
Look, mate, nothing you do
can make your mum happy, all right?
1337
01:28:22,700 --> 01:28:26,400
Not in the long term.
She has to do that for herself.
1338
01:28:26,500 --> 01:28:30,100
-Get over here right now!
-Just bugger off, will you!
1339
01:28:30,300 --> 01:28:33,800
What I'm saying is, the important thing is
to make yourself feel happy.
1340
01:28:33,900 --> 01:28:37,800
I've tried just making myself happy.
She's tried making herself happy.
1341
01:28:37,900 --> 01:28:40,600
It doesn't work.
You need other people to make you happy.
1342
01:28:40,700 --> 01:28:42,000
But that's just it.
1343
01:28:42,100 --> 01:28:46,200
If other people can make you happy
then they can also make you unhappy.
1344
01:28:46,300 --> 01:28:50,000
What, you think those people out there
are going to make you happy?
1345
01:28:50,000 --> 01:28:51,900
Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't.
1346
01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:54,300
Marcus! Bollocks.
1347
01:29:11,900 --> 01:29:13,600
Come on, Britney!
1348
01:29:13,700 --> 01:29:15,900
Yeah, give us a song, then.
1349
01:29:23,100 --> 01:29:24,800
This is for my mum.
1350
01:29:30,700 --> 01:29:35,000
"I heard he sang a good song
1351
01:29:36,100 --> 01:29:39,700
"I heard he had a style
1352
01:29:41,100 --> 01:29:45,000
"And so I came to see him
1353
01:29:45,100 --> 01:29:48,800
"to listen for a while
1354
01:29:50,600 --> 01:29:54,600
"And there he was this young boy
1355
01:29:55,400 --> 01:29:59,100
"a stranger to my eyes"
1356
01:29:59,200 --> 01:30:01,100
You're rubbish, mate!
1357
01:30:06,700 --> 01:30:11,500
"Strumming my pain with his fingers
1358
01:30:14,400 --> 01:30:18,600
"Singing my life with his words
1359
01:30:32,200 --> 01:30:35,900
"Killing me softly with his song
1360
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:37,700
"Killing me softly"
1361
01:30:37,900 --> 01:30:40,300
Who the hell is that?
1362
01:30:40,900 --> 01:30:45,400
"Telling my whole life with his words
1363
01:30:45,500 --> 01:30:51,700
"Killing me softly with his song
1364
01:30:56,000 --> 01:30:59,400
"I felt all flushed with fever
1365
01:30:59,500 --> 01:31:03,200
"embarrassed by the crowd
1366
01:31:03,300 --> 01:31:08,800
"I felt he found my letters
and read each one out loud
1367
01:31:10,700 --> 01:31:14,300
"I prayed that he would finish
1368
01:31:14,800 --> 01:31:17,700
"but he just kept right on
1369
01:31:17,800 --> 01:31:21,600
"Strumming my pain with his fingers
1370
01:31:21,700 --> 01:31:24,700
"Singing my life with his words
1371
01:31:25,400 --> 01:31:26,400
"Killing me softly"
1372
01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:28,000
Give it a rest.
1373
01:31:28,300 --> 01:31:32,000
"Killing me softly with his song
1374
01:31:32,100 --> 01:31:37,600
"Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly
1375
01:31:39,600 --> 01:31:42,400
"With his song
1376
01:31:49,100 --> 01:31:51,300
"He sang as if he knew me"
1377
01:31:51,400 --> 01:31:52,300
Will.
1378
01:31:52,400 --> 01:31:54,900
"In all my dark despair"
1379
01:31:55,000 --> 01:31:56,000
We're finished.
1380
01:31:56,100 --> 01:32:00,900
"And then he looked right through me
as if I wasn't there"
1381
01:32:01,000 --> 01:32:02,400
Will, come on.
1382
01:32:08,100 --> 01:32:09,600
Will, we're finished.
1383
01:32:18,300 --> 01:32:21,600
So there I was,
killing them softly with my song.
1384
01:32:21,800 --> 01:32:25,000
Or rather, being killed.
And not that softly, either.
1385
01:32:25,300 --> 01:32:27,900
I was singing with my eyes closed.
1386
01:32:28,300 --> 01:32:29,700
Was I frightened?
1387
01:32:29,800 --> 01:32:31,400
I was petrified.
1388
01:32:31,900 --> 01:32:33,800
This was definitely not island living.
1389
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:37,700
"Killing me softly
1390
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:41,500
"With his song"
1391
01:32:51,000 --> 01:32:52,900
Thank you, Finsbury.
1392
01:32:54,400 --> 01:32:57,100
I'd like to introduce
one or two members of the band.
1393
01:32:57,200 --> 01:33:00,000
Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine.
1394
01:33:02,500 --> 01:33:04,300
And that's about it.
1395
01:33:04,300 --> 01:33:06,700
Let's get off quick. Get off.
1396
01:33:07,400 --> 01:33:11,200
Marcus, thank you. For the song.
1397
01:33:11,700 --> 01:33:12,800
You were terrific.
1398
01:33:12,800 --> 01:33:14,300
-You think so?
-Yeah.
1399
01:33:15,800 --> 01:33:18,300
As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate.
1400
01:33:18,400 --> 01:33:19,600
Okay.
1401
01:33:20,100 --> 01:33:23,800
How about McDonald's?
1402
01:33:24,100 --> 01:33:26,100
-McDonald's?
-Yeah.
1403
01:33:26,200 --> 01:33:27,700
Thanks, Mum, but it's okay.
1404
01:33:27,800 --> 01:33:30,400
No, really. I want to go to McDonald's.
1405
01:33:30,400 --> 01:33:32,200
You know, I'm not really hungry.
1406
01:33:32,200 --> 01:33:36,200
Come on. Are you telling me
you couldn't murder a Big Mac?
1407
01:33:36,200 --> 01:33:37,400
Mum!
1408
01:33:39,100 --> 01:33:41,000
Okay, another time.
1409
01:33:43,900 --> 01:33:44,900
Any time.
1410
01:33:47,500 --> 01:33:50,300
I'll be around a while, you know.
1411
01:33:58,800 --> 01:34:02,900
By the following Christmas
things were back to normal.
1412
01:34:04,100 --> 01:34:05,400
Before you came--
1413
01:34:05,600 --> 01:34:09,000
Every man is an island.
And I stand by that.
1414
01:34:10,800 --> 01:34:15,300
But clearly, some men are part of island chains.
1415
01:34:16,500 --> 01:34:19,800
Below the surface of the ocean
they're actually connected.
1416
01:34:19,900 --> 01:34:22,600
So you're going to marry my mum, then?
1417
01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:24,100
Don't know.
1418
01:34:24,200 --> 01:34:25,300
Why?
1419
01:34:25,800 --> 01:34:27,200
You think she's up for it?
1420
01:34:27,300 --> 01:34:29,800
-I used to want him to marry my mum.
-You serious?
1421
01:34:30,000 --> 01:34:33,300
Yeah. But that was when she was depressed
and I was desperate.
1422
01:34:33,400 --> 01:34:35,300
Thanks, mate. Cheers.
1423
01:34:35,600 --> 01:34:39,000
How do you use this blender-thing?
You don't.
1424
01:34:39,300 --> 01:34:41,900
I used to think two wasn't enough.
Christ.
1425
01:34:42,000 --> 01:34:43,900
Now there were loads of people.
1426
01:34:44,000 --> 01:34:46,300
And that was great. Mostly.
1427
01:34:48,100 --> 01:34:51,800
Are you two lazy bastards
gonna get up and help, or what?
1428
01:34:53,200 --> 01:34:56,100
So how do you know Will?
1429
01:34:56,200 --> 01:35:00,100
We volunteered together
at Amnesty International a couple years ago.
1430
01:35:00,200 --> 01:35:03,600
Yeah, that's right.
How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better?
1431
01:35:03,700 --> 01:35:05,100
I mean good?
1432
01:35:05,700 --> 01:35:08,800
Yeah, and he called me up
out of the blue for Christmas lunch.
1433
01:35:08,900 --> 01:35:10,500
So, here I am.
1434
01:35:10,500 --> 01:35:11,900
Really?
1435
01:35:19,900 --> 01:35:22,500
So, listen, what's the deal
with you and Ellie now?
1436
01:35:22,600 --> 01:35:26,000
Is she your girlfriend?
1437
01:35:26,200 --> 01:35:27,900
Are you insane?
1438
01:35:30,100 --> 01:35:32,400
Where did you get those trainers?
1439
01:35:32,500 --> 01:35:35,300
-Why? What's wrong with them?
-Nothing.
1440
01:35:35,400 --> 01:35:36,600
What?
1441
01:35:37,300 --> 01:35:40,100
By the way,
I do think you and Rachel have a shot.
1442
01:35:40,200 --> 01:35:43,300
-I mean, if you don't screw it up.
-Thank you.
1443
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:47,900
I'd created a monster.
1444
01:35:48,200 --> 01:35:50,200
Or maybe he created me.
1445
01:35:53,000 --> 01:35:55,900
I don't know
what Will was so upset about.
1446
01:35:56,600 --> 01:36:00,300
All I meant was
I don't think couples are the future.
1447
01:36:00,600 --> 01:36:03,500
You need more than that. You need backup.
1448
01:36:04,100 --> 01:36:07,300
The way I saw it,
Will and I both had backup now.
1449
01:36:09,600 --> 01:36:12,900
It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said:
1450
01:36:13,000 --> 01:36:14,900
"No man is an island."
111423
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
