Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

# shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# up in the sky #

# Daisy, Daisy #

# give me your answer, do #

# for you'll look sweet #

# on the seat #

# of a bicycle built for two #

# come away with me, Lucille #

# in my merry oldsmobile #

# down the road of life, we'll fly #

# automobubbling, you and I #

# to the church, we'll swiftly steal #

# then our wedding bells will peal #

# San Antoni, Antonio #

# she hopped upon a pony #

# and ran away with Tony #

# if you see her, just let me know #

# and I'll meet you in San Antonio #

# if you see her, just let me know #

# and I'll meet you in San Antoni #

# meet you in San Antoni #

# meet you in San Antonio #

Hello, Dan.

Evening, Mr. Norworth.

So it is, so it is.

Be careful when you put that end down.

I know. There's a spring in it.

Who told you?

Margie. Mar...

Margie, how can you be so dumb?

Just because you work for a magician,

that's no reason you should give away all my tricks.

That's a professional secret.

# Be my little baby Bumblebee #

# buzz around, keep a-buzzin' round #

# we'll be just as happy as can be #

# you and me #

# honey, keep a-buzzin', please #

# 'cause you know I've got a dozen other cousin bees #

# but I want you to be my baby Bumblebee #

I've got to be over here.

Marge, did Jack come in yet?

Yes. He just went over there. Didn't he?

Hmm? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Hey, miss Mallory, you certainly killed that audience tonight.

Yeah. They sounded a little dead.

George, how's it sound to be dead?

If you don't know, nobody does.

Oh, I see.

Yeah?

It's me... Blanche.

Come in, hon.

How are they out there tonight?

All right, I guess.

What's the matter? Anything wrong?

Nothing... except that after this week, I'm through.

Through? I don't get it. I thought you were booked solid.

So did I. 20 more weeks.

Here it is. The rest of my time canceled.

How do you like that? Booking office must have gone crazy.

Why, you do one of the best singles in vaudeville.

That's the trouble. I do a single.

They don't want single women anymore, Jack.

Sister acts are the thing now.

Haven't you noticed the courteney sisters, the Eleanor sisters,

the Russell sisters, the so-on-and-so-forth sisters?

Yes. There has been a flood of them.

Yeah. The next thing you know,

it'll be the single men who get the business.

Maybe you'll have to team up, too.

Me? Jack Norworth? That's pretty good.

I know what's on your mind, hon, but it's no dice.

Why not? I'm a good performer.

They don't come any better.

We get along all right, don't we?

That we do. That we do.

Well, then why not team up with me? Norworth and Mallory.

Jack, it'd be a cinch.

We'd get all the work we want, have a little fun.

You and me, Jack. You and me.

Listen, hon, I wouldn't want a better partner

if I were the teaming-up kind, but I'm not.

The thing for you to do is get yourself another girl.

Jack...

I want to be with you.

Wouldn't work out, not in a million years.

I'm just one of those odd guys that has to play a lone hand,

on or off the stage.

I see.

Well...

That seems to take care of that.

I'm sorry, but don't you worry about jobs.

Nobody's knocking off Blanche Mallory. You got too much on the ball.

Catch you later, hon.

Hiya, Phineas, old pal.

Gas, huh? You better try a bicarbonate of soda.

No, no. Put it on the right side.

Which hand do you stir your coffee with?

Silly, I use a spoon.

No. The left side's the right side,

not the right side. The right side's the wrong side.

It would get left on the right side.

The left side's the right side, so put it there.

Couldn't I just put it in the middle?

Oh, put it somewhere.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

20 years to find a trick,

10 years to work on it, 5 years to perfect it, one year to perform it,

and one dope to ruin it.

Silly. Oh!

Hurry up and clean this stuff up, will you?

Having a little trouble?

Trouble? Trouble? That's all ever get, is trouble.

Sometimes I wish I was dead.

You think you're having trouble?

You hear the bad news about Blanche Mallory?

Yeah. It's a tough break.

It's these crazy darn fool managers.

Yeah. if there are any managers listening, I'm just kidding.

Blanche will be all right. She'll get herself a partner,

and I'll dig up some songs for her. Speaking of songs,

remember that song you wrote last year, the one that goes...

I never wrote one like that. Yeah.

Nobody ever did. Yes, you did. You remember.

# Time waits for no man #

Yeah. Yeah. I know the one you mean,

but it never clicked. Nobody could put it over.

Last night I saw someone who put it over, way over.

Where? down the street at the golden horseshoe.

That dump? Yeah. It may be a dump,

but the girl that sang your song, brother, you can dump her into my lap.

Hey, cue. Margie! Margie!

After the show, we'll go down and see that girl, huh?

Yeah. I haven't got anything else to do. Swell.

George, you almost forgot.

Well, I still have my rabbits.

Let me have the key.

That was our agent... poppa Karl.

Nyah, nyah, nyah!

Hello, poppa Karl.

Hello, Jack. I came to talk to you.

Talk? Did you say, "talk"?

You'd better talk fast or get yourself a horse!

A horse? For this little thing, a horse? A donkey is enough.

Come on, come on. Clear out of here.

Come on. Come on. Get out.

What's your hurry, poppa?

Hurry? Me? I'm not in a hurry.

My bicycle is always in a hurry. My bicycle...

aah!

Ha ha ha! Poppa, how are you?

Hello, Jack.

I haven't seen you since you booked me in Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh. I will never forget it.

Pittsburgh. georgetti played Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,

and the audience was still hissing Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Very funny. Very funny.

Ha ha ha!

Well, you said it was funny.

Jack, I need from you a favor.

Will you play for me a couple of split weeks?

Not a chance. I'm booked solid.

I am stuck for acts.

I was hoping you could unstick me.

Say, what about Blanche Mallory?

Blanche Mallory? Better you should ask me to book Christopher Columbus.

He's dead. Isn't he?

Margie, why don't you go home and rest?

Oh, but I'm not tired.

Why don't you go home and rest

until you get tired?

Oh, all right.

Bye. good-bye. good-bye.

Someday I'm going to...

why don't you use Blanche Mallory? She's a great singer.

Yeah. She's wonderful.

She's almost as good as I am.

But the public don't want her. Audiences are so pickled.

You mean fickle.

Yes, pickled. Listen,

audiences never know what they don't want till they don't get it,

and then they still don't want it.

You may be right.

Sorry I can't help you out, poppa.

If I get any ideas, I'll let you know later. Come on, georgetti.

So long, pops.

So long, boys. Oh, I am stucker than before.

Now we go. Come.

Why don't you put a rope on it and lead it home?

Ha ha ha!

Oh!

Ooh!

Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it!

Get out of here and stay out!

# I love every inch of the prairieland #

# each goat on the mountainside #

# I love every drop of the water clear #

# that flows in the rivers wide #

# I love every tree, every blade of grass #

# within Columbia's gates #

# the green of the earth is the land of my birth #

# my own United States #

# I love every inch of the prairieland #

# each goat on the mountainside #

# I love every drop of the water clear #

# that flows in the rivers wide #

# I love every tree, every blade of grass #

# within Columbia's gates #

# the green of the earth is the land of my birth #

# my own United States #

# my own #

# my own #

# my own #

# my own United States #

Better stick around awhile. She does your number later.

Yeah? Yeah.

Tim Donovan wants you up in 21.

Oh, all right.

Be nice to him, Nora. Tim's bankroll helped me open this joint.

He hasn't asked to see one of the girls before, and...

am I the lucky one?

And I got another deal on the fire now,

and I'm going to need a lot more of his dough.

So?

So I keep him happy till I get it, that's all.

You mean, I keep him happy.

Well, that's what you're here for, isn't it?

To keep the customers happy.

Now, get going.

Well, what do you think about her, Jack?

Huh? What?

Nora bayes, the girl that's going to sing your song.

Imagine... that figure has a voice, too.

Yeah.

You gentlemen want a table?

Yes, please, for 3. 3?

I'm, uh, expecting a lady.

Oh, I see. Say, you're Jack Norworth,

aren't you? That's right.

I, uh... i suppose you know who I am.

I caught your act at the crystal.

You're good, Norworth.

That's what they tell me.

Just a moment, my friend. Look.

There. You saw me

at the crystal theatre, too, eh?

Yeah. Sure. You're the talking seal.

Oh, al, give this party

a table down in front.

Yes, sir. Right this way, please.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Nora. I thought you'd never get here.

Sit down, please.

Sure.

Anything else, sir? No. That'll be all.

Wine?

Thanks. I could use some.

Singing down there sure dries out the pipes.

Oh, I can imagine.

Well, here's looking at you. What looking!

Over the river.

Something wrong?

Gosh, this stuff's flat.

Ha ha ha!

Well, what's so funny about that?

Listen, Nora, I own this place.

You don't have to worry about earning commissions from me.

Now we can just relax and talk, huh?

All right. What would you like to talk about?

You, mostly.

What do you want, my life story? I got a lot of versions.

Sure, but I know the real one.

Yeah? Yeah.

I've been watching you work,

and I've been asking questions.

Why, if it's any of my business?

Because I'm interested.

You'd like to get out of this joint, wouldn't you?

What makes you think that?

You're nothing like the rest of the girls in here.

You're not satisfied.

You'd give your right arm to Chuck this job.

You've got a nice line, mister.

Why should I give you a line?

I'm Tim Donovan.

Everybody says yes to me.

You should see my collection of "no" s.

I don't need to. I know you've got them.

You're using the golden horseshoe as a stepping stone.

That's true.

Well, isn't that going after what you want the hard way?

Is there any other way?

I can see to it that you get places in a hurry.

Sorry to bother you, Tim,

but it's time for Nora's next number.

No rest for the weary.

Of course, if you'd rather have her stay here with you,

I could switch things around.

No. I like hearing Nora sing.

She'll only be gone a couple of minutes. Then I'll send her right back.

I'll be waiting.

Go ahead, Nora.

All right, Tim?

Smart girl, that.

Yeah. Plays hard to get.

But not for Tim Donovan.

I just don't let anything stay hard to get...

anything or anybody.

# Time waits for no one #

# it passes you by #

# it rolls on forever #

# like the clouds in the sky #

# time waits for no one #

# goes on endlessly #

# it's just like a river #

# flowing out to the sea #

# you'll find that love is like this #

# each precious moment we miss #

# will never ever return again #

# so don't let us throw one sweet moment away #

# time waits for no one #

# let's take love while we may #

# time waits for no one #

# it passes you by #

# it rolls on forever #

# like the clouds in the sky #

# time waits for no one #

# goes on endlessly #

# it's just like a river #

# flowing out to the sea #

# remember #

# you'll find that love is like this #

# each precious moment we miss #

# will never ever return again #

# so don't let us throw one precious moment of bliss #

# away #

# time waits for no one #

# let's take love while we #

# may #

Uh, miss bayes? Yes?

You were great.

Nobody ever put that song of mine over like you did.

Thanks.

Song of yours?

Yes. I'm Jack Norworth.

Of course. You're at the crystal.

Won't you sit down?

I'd like to, but someone's waiting for me, and i...

are you afraid to keep people waiting?

No. Not at all.

Miss bayes, meet the great georgetti.

Oh, yes. The man who cuts women in half.

At your service.

Oh, no. Not here.

Say, how do you do that trick?

I don't know. I'm surprised every time myself.

Doesn't the woman you cut in half get mad?

No. As a matter of fact, she's become 2 of my best friends.

That's the easiest thing he does.

If you really want to see something,

you should see the one he calls

"making the great georgetti disappear."

Do it for her, George.

Oh, but of course. Uh, close your eyes.

Keep them closed tight.

That's a pretty good trick. I can do it, too.

Wait a minute. I figured there was enough magic about you.

We didn't need him. Don't go, please.

That's on the level.

There was a sort of magic in that song, the way you did it.

Me? I didn't do anything. It's a swell number.

It's a good number, but it's not as good as you made it sound.

Oh, you're just being nice.

You shouldn't be in a place like this.

You belong in vaudeville, up in the big time.

You've got looks and personality.

I could fix it so you get places in a hurry.

It seems to me I just heard that line pulled by someone else.

Nora, get going.

You heard me... get going.

What's the rush? This gentleman...

come on. Shake it. Tim's waiting.

Let him wait.

He doesn't like waiting.

No? Then send someone else up

to play Patty-cake with Mr. Donovan. I'm not going.

Oh, yes, you are, and now.

Just a minute. You don't have to get that tough.

I know how to handle these dames.

Maybe, but you don't handle them that way in front of me.

She's not sitting here with a muck.

She's sitting with Jack Norworth.

She should be sitting with somebody else.

Come on!

I'm telling you, leave her alone.

Keep your nose out of this, actor.

Who do you think you are, Costello?

You may be tough, but you're not that tough.

Get out of my way!

You big...

come on! Get out of here!

Throw them out!

You throw them out, and I go, too.

All right. Throw them all out!

All right, folks. Quiet down now. Get back to your tables.

Quiet down.

The great georgetti.

Get out of here! Go on!

I wish I had a brick or something.

Or something? Yeah.

Can you use this?

Sure. Thanks.

Something to remember me by.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Oh!

Just a minute. Just a minute.

I'll get the wagon. Right.

Oh, smart guys, eh?

Fine thing. Handcuffed.

I'll say. I get bounced around

by a couple of hoodlums, lose my job.

I'm not talking about you. Norworth, tossed out of a honky-tonk.

Who asked you to go there in the first place?

I went there to see you, like a chump.

The whole thing wouldn't have happened

if you hadn't asked me to sit with you.

Did you have to sit with me just because I asked you?

Say, what kind of a runaround

are we giving each other?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Needed a smoke anyway.

Got a match, Jack?

No.

Hey, bud, got a match?

Sure.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Say...

That's funny. I'd have swore that...

I'm going to keep my eye on you.

Hey! What's going on in here?

Come on, come on.

Thank you, my good man.

What's the matter?

What happened?

I had nothing to do with this.

Come, come. You're taking up our time.

Will you cut it out?

Are you Nora bayes?

What if I am?

The charges are dismissed.

Tim Donovan phoned down and said it was all a mistake.

That's great. Come on. Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Where you going? Come on! Bring them back here!

Where do you think you are... come on back here!

Who do you think you are?

Sergeant, we're performers.

We're at the crystal theatre this week.

Yeah!

Oh, you're Jack Norworth.

That's right.

I saw your show last night,

and I heard you sing that song...

# It looks to me like a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# for when the old cat's away #

# then the mice want to play #

# oh, it looks like a big night tonight #

And who are you?

I am the great georgetti.

We want no magic here.

But with magic, I do anything.

Let's see a can of beer.

I can disappear completely, pull rabbits from cigars.

I've sawed a lot of things in half,

but them ain't candy bars.

Well, you don't have to try.

No? Am I a lucky guy!

# Oh #

# it looks to me like a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# instead of staying in jail, we'll be spending the bail #

# oh, it looks like a big night tonight #

Next!

Oh, miss bayes.

I sort of like this hoosegow.

It's comfortable and clean.

I always went for Irish cops.

You're a sweet Colleen.

I know that you'll protect me

because you're so brave and large.

I feel like stepping out tonight.

Say, how's about it, sarge?

I'm helpless to resist.

This case is now dismissed!

# Oh #

# it looks to me like a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# go on, you're tight #

# you're with the cream of the crop #

# when you're out with a cop #

# oh, it looks like a big night tonight #

Come on, Jackie!

Well, here we are together,

so comfy in the clink.

We nearly spent the night in here.

I heard you clipped a gink.

We sure enjoyed our visit. You've all been very kind.

And now we're getting out of here...

that is, if you don't mind.

You're absolutely free.

Then come along with me!

Hurray! Hurray!

# It looks to me like a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# a big night tonight #

# so let the jail tumble down #

# and we'll all go to town #

# oh, it looks like a big night tonight #

So long! Bye!

So long! Good night, fellas.

Come on, boys. Get back to your work, all of you!

Well, here we are, home sweet home...

as long as there's rent money.

Yes, and as long as those cops like music.

Remember what I told you about the crystal theatre.

Oh, I remember all right, but... Did you mean it?

You bet I did.

Why?

Well, in the first place, I got you in a jam,

and it's up to me to get you out of it.

In the second place, I think you have a lot of talent.

Besides that, you're a nice kid.

You're pretty nice yourself, Mr. Norworth.

Now, listen, I'm going to see the manager

of the crystal theatre in the morning,

fix it so you get a tryout tomorrow night.

Pick you up around 5:00.

Well, I usually pour tea around 5:00, but...

I'll cancel it for you.

Ok. Good night, Nora.

Good night, Jack.

You didn't have to do that.

I know. That's why I did it.

Well, good-bye. I'll catch you tomorrow.

There's not a chance, Jack.

I just manage the crystal theatre.

I don't own it.

But this girl is good.

Listen, Jack. I can't start putting on added attractions.

All I want to do is give her a chance

to show what she can do with a regular vaudeville audience.

I'm sorry, Jack, but it's no dice.

The crystal never did go in for amateur nights.

Now, wait a minute. When I played this house 2 years ago,

didn't you toss a local boy violinist into the bill?

I did, but that was because

singin' Sam Harrigan was taken suddenly drunk.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah!

Yeah, well... well, thanks anyway for listening.

See you later, Miller.

There. Take it.

I don't think the girl will like it

when she finds out she's taken the place of a seal.

Margie, don't talk. Just be.

I'll get the doorman...

no. Wait. You bring Phineas.

I'll take care of the doorman.

No. I'll take care of the doorman.

What are you worried about?

If you have any trouble, make him disappear.

You know... the great georgetti.

Come on, Margie.

Here. Hold that, will you?

Ok.

Come on, Phineas. I got some candy for you.

Phineas, get a load of this.

Hold that, will you? Here we go.

That's it, Phineas. Here we go.

See that there? That's a boy.

Come here. Come on, Phineas.

That's right. There we go, Phineas.

Come on. See? Arf! Arf! Arf!

There we go. You think that's good?

Get a load of this one here, eh? Ha ha!

I'll see if I can get a cab.

Ok.

My goodness! What's that?

I'm an eskimo. That's my seeing eye dog.

I suppose you think that's a funny-looking dog.

Yes. And I think you're a funny looking eskimo.

Ha ha ha!

Better find some way to hide him.

People are going to think it's funny,

my walking around with a seal.

Yes. You don't see it very often.

Here.

Come here.

I'll put the coat...

yes. Put that coat around me.

Say...

shh! I'm a kangaroo.

I'm a kan...

come on!

This is never going to work.

Hey. You better put the coat on. Take it off.

There. That's right.

Prince hotel, driver.

Yes, sir. And I'll drive very slowly.

Slowly, my foot. Get there as fast as you can.

Uh, yes, sir!

Giddyap! Come on!

Giddyap!

Well, we made it.

Oh, careful, lady, please.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Hey!

Huh?

Have a cigar.

Why, Jack Norworth.

Jack Norworth, you dear, dear boy.

Oh, how do you do?

I'm playing the crystal next week.

Oh, yes?

Don't you remember me... missy mennade?

Oh, sure. Sure. You remember Margie...

and the great georgetti.

Oh, hello, George.

How do you do?

My, but you've gained weight.

Oh, no.

She's been eating fish.

Uh... and, uh, radishes.

Here. Have a cigar.

Up! Up, quick!

Floor, please.

What floor?

Arrr... ahem. I said, "4."

Stop it, Phineas. Stop it.

Fourth floor.

Watch your step, Phineas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right! All right!

Don't lose your patience.

Who is that? Oh!

Come in! Come in!

How are you? Glad to see you.

I am very happy to see you.

Poppa, we brought you a little visitor.

Oh, that's very nice of you. I am so ha...

Margie, you look all pumped up.

Nyah! Nyah!

Look! Look! The coat has just had pups!

Nyah! Nyah!

Listen, poppa, somebody on the bill had to get sick tonight,

and we elected Phineas. Where's the bathroom?

Did you have to bring him here to get sick?

He's not sick.

Come on. We'll put him in the bathroom.

Here we go, Phineas. Come on.

Let's go this way. That-a boy.

All right. Quiet.

What do you think you're doing?

I am paying for a room with bath.

I didn't think the bath should have fish in it.

All you have to do is watch him for a little while.

Wash him with soap?

Not wash. Watch. Like a clock.

All right. Like a clock.

Not so much water, Jack.

You don't want to drown the poor thing.

Ha. Say!

We forgot to bring him

something to eat.

The great georgetti forgets nothing.

Here.

Ah. That's swell.

Now take good care of him, poppa Karl.

We'll call for him right after the show.

So long, poppa Karl.

Bye, poppa!

Wait! Wait a minute!

And if he gets mad at me, what should I do?

Tell him you'll book him next week for more money.

Yes. I promise him.

What?

Not... not... not... not in my bed!

Besides, you won't like it.

In my sleep, I snore.

You are a fish, so behave like one!

Shut up.

You don't have to remind me what a chump I am,

listening to a slick actor.

Come in.

Hello, Nora.

What do you want?

I've come to apologize, Nora.

Sorry for what happened last night.

You're not sorry about anything.

Donovan smacked your ears down, didn't he?

You're right, honey. Tim was pretty sore.

But believe me, Nora, I'm sorry on my own.

I just went a little haywire.

Want me to come back to the horseshoe, huh?

Yes, I do.

And you can write your own ticket.

Look, Nora, here's the setup.

If I can promote the dough from Donovan,

I can cut in on a big chain of variety houses.

You mean a big chain of honky-Tonks, don't you?

No. The McCoy. First-class vaudeville.

I don't want any part of it.

Nora...

You've got me all wrong.

It's because of you I want to do all this.

Me?

Sure.

I'm crazy about you. I want to marry you.

Have you got any more repulsive ideas?

Now, don't be like that.

We'd hit it off. Now, come on. Relax.

Get out. Go on, get out.

Oh, you don't mean that.

All right, Nora.

I'll be seeing you.

Get out!

And stay out!

What are you doing here?

Just visiting.

I'm warning you, Costello.

Stay away from Nora and don't forget it.

I won't forget it. Never.

And I'll see she never forgets it, either.

Yeah? Well, she doesn't need you anymore.

She's going on at the crystal tonight.

You keep out of her life.

If you're smart, you will, too.

If you don't get away from that door and quit bothering me,

I'll call the police!

Nora, it's me... Jack.

Oh, I'm so glad it's you.

Oh, now, now, Nora, don't cry.

I know Costello was here. I met him on the stairs.

I told him to keep away from you.

I put him out.

Now, come on, honey. You haven't got time for tears.

You're going places.

Well, I was all ready 2 hours ago,

and I thought you weren't going to show up.

Well, hurry and do a quick change,

because the first stop

on your way up is the crystal theatre.

The crystal theatre? When?

Tonight.

Come on. Hurry.

Oh...

I'll be with you in a minute.

Make it fast, now.

Hmm? Good. Good.

Huh? Look here. Look here. Look here.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

due to the unexpected illness of Phineas the talking seal,

that talented little amphibian will be unable to appear tonight.

Phineas sick? I thought you...

however, we were fortunate enough

to secure the services of a charming little local lady...

miss Nora bayes,

who will offer, for your approval,

some of the newest song hits. Thank you.

That's it.

Go out there and give it to them.

It's all yours.

You can do it.

# Time waits for no one #

# it passes you by #

# it rolls on forever... #

Terrible! Take her off!

P.u.! P.U.! Turn off the lights!

Boo! Boo!

Back to the horseshoe, sister.

23 skiddoo!

# ...no one #

What's going on out there?

I don't get it.

Can't be her singing.

Take her off!

# It's just like a river #

Give us the seal!

Boo! Boo!

Take a walk.

Why don't you do a handspring?

# You'll find that love is like this #

# each precious moment we miss #

# will never, ever return again #

We got to get her off. They'll start throwing things.

Give the girl a chance, will you?

She's got to get off.

Wait, Harry.

Get off. Get off.

# ...away #

Get the hook! Hook!

All the way up!

# Let's take love #

# while we... #

Well, al?

It was a riot, boss.

They done everything but throw rocks at her.

Ain't that right, fellas?

That's right. Sure is.

Nice going, boys. Well, you better have a drink.

Give me a whiskey.

Mine's the same.

Make mine a beer.

I wish you'd have been there.

It was the funniest thing you ever saw.

Believe me, Nora, what happened tonight doesn't mean a thing.

It only means that every time I try to lift my head,

somebody smacks it down.

What kind of talk is that?

Just because Costello's pluguglies

ganged up on you tonight doesn't mean...

you really think that's what it was?

I don't think so. I know it.

But we're not going to let that stop us.

You're going to hit, and you're going to hit big.

Got any ideas on the subject of how to make it happen?

I'll say I have.

I've got an idea... a great idea.

Well, i...

you want to keep working, don't you?

Now, here it is.

I talked to poppa Karl tonight.

He'll give your team dates in all his houses.

Well, how about material?

I'll take care of that...

fix your routines, even rehearse you.

Talk about your sister acts.

Who's going to be the sister in the act, me?

I don't get you.

Oh, I think you do.

This, uh, bayes dame...

You don't want her to be a sister to you, do you?

Ah, you're rolling down the wrong alley, baby.

Nora's just talent to me.

How much lying have I ever done to you?

Plenty, I'd expect.

And you'll probably do plenty more.

But I've always been a sap for you,

and I guess I always will be.

# We're doin' our best #

# for you #

# and the best we've got is none too good for you #

# we'll try to entertain you #

# with a little song and patter #

No, no, Blanche. Not like that.

Listen to the way Nora sings it.

Where do you get off telling me

to listen to the way Nora sings it?

I know more about selling a song than she'll ever know.

Of course you do, honey. Jack didn't mean anything

by what he said. It's only that...

it's only that you've got to work and work hard

if you kids expect to open next week.

Come on. Snap into it. Let me hear that Lyric.

Smooth it out and get together.

Now, go out and make your entrance again.

# We're doin' our best #

# for you #

# and the best we've got is none too good for you #

# we'll try to entertain you #

# with a little song and patter #

# we're only here to serve you cheer #

# upon a silver platter #

# we're doin' our best #

# for you #

# and the test of what is best is up to you #

# so don't upset our plans #

# by sitting on your hands #

# we're doin' our best #

# for you #

# don't let the rainy days get you #

# and don't let your troubles get you down #

# if the sky of blue is overdue #

# smile a little smile and go to town #

# don't let the rainy days get you #

# although it rains a steady stream #

# 'cause I've heard 'em say #

# a rainy day #

# gives you time to dream #

# if you share in our belief #

# that life is a little too brief for sorrow #

# we are willing to guarantee #

# that you will awake and see the sun #

# tomorrow #

# don't let your troubles upset you #

# there's lots of happiness in store #

# if you don't let the rainy days get you #

# you'll get what you're looking for #

# never mind about the rain #

# you know the sun will shine again #

# so don't let your troubles upset you #

# there's lots of happiness in store #

# if you don't let the rainy days get you #

# you'll get what you're looking for #

Good. Good, huh?

They're all right.

Nothing. You will see later.

Nice going, kids.

Keep them happy while I change.

Hurry, Nora. Oh, Blanche.

You got off to a good start. Now, keep it up.

Certainly, I'll keep it up.

What did you think I was going to do?

That's the spirit. I got Fowler,

head of a national booking office, out front.

I can tell you right now, you're in.

I hope so.

I go back to see Jack.

You come back as soon as they're through.

All right. I will.

Here's your introduction, honey.

It's all yours. Make them like it.

# La la la la la la #

# la la la la la la #

# I landed here from Ireland just a week ago today #

# and as soon as I had settled in the town #

# I resolved to act entirely in a yankee doodle way #

# so I changed me name but not me emerald gown #

# then I strolled around to see the sights #

# assumed a Gibson air #

# but it really didn't seem to work somehow #

# you know, every Thomas, dick, and Harry #

# yelled, "there's tipperary Mary" #

# so that is why I'm asking of you now #

Glory be to dear old Ireland!

# How can they tell that I'm Irish #

# and come from the emerald isle? #

# Can they tell it from me walk? #

# Can they tell it from me talk? #

# Or perhaps they spot me by my Irish smile #

# if I #

# go to a ball or a party #

# I've only got to warble "malley-o" #

# sure, and it's a mystery #

# that is after foolin' me #

# how does everybody know that I am Irish? #

# They call me Finnegan, Flanagan, bergen, O'Toole #

# monagan, billigan, Reagan, o'doul #

# O'Malley, O'Donnell, o'Connor, o'diam #

# mcconty, mcginty, mcguire #

# I'm 2 weeks away from the emerald isle #

# you'd think that the green would be out of me smile #

# 'tis funny they pick me right out of a crowd #

# but I know me old mother'd be proud #

# if I #

# go to a ball or a party #

# I've only got to warble "malley-o" #

# sure, and it's a mystery #

# that is after foolin' me #

# how does everybody know #

# that I am Irish? #

That's socking them, baby.

I just don't know what to make of it.

Well, you better get out there and give them an encore

before they tear the house down.

Sing it again, darlin'! Sing it again!

Ach! them irishers, how they loves her songs.

Seems like a lot of other people do, too.

After all, everybody out there isn't Irish.

Tonight, yes.

Didn't you know the house was sold out

to the ancient order of hibernians?

Ancient order of hibernians? Is that so?

You know it's so. And you knew it this morning

when you pulled that Irish song

out of your sleeve for bayes to sing.

What are you talking about?

I offered it to you first, and you didn't want it.

I didn't know the house was sold out to an Irish society.

Neither did I.

Don't give me that.

If you think I'm going to follow her now

with that Swiss sailor number, you're crazy.

They hear you.

I don't care. I'm through.

I told you I brought Fowler all the way from New York

just to catch your act.

Well, if Fowler's going to catch anything,

he's going to catch her doing another single.

Blanche, stop showing off.

I'm not showing off, and I'm not bluffing.

# How does everybody know #

# that I am Irish? #

There's no use talking any more. My mind's made up.

What's the matter?

I'll tell you what's the matter.

I'm through playing stooge for you,

his honky-tonk protege.

Listen, you make one more crack like that...

that's the word they have for it

in the family papers... "protege," isn't it?

Why, you loudmouth...

take it easy, honey.

Yeah. Take it easy. Take everything you can get.

The field's yours, because I'm leaving.

What's the idea? Go on with your act.

Go on, nothing. I'm quitting the bill.

Blanche! Blanche!

You are going to ruin yourself in the show business.

Well, I'd rather ruin myself than let them do it.

Sheesh!

Mike, flash the next actor on.

What's the matter over there?

Never mind what's the matter. Flash him.

Where's your partner?

He's dressing.

Well, go get him. You're on.

What I saw was very good.

Sorry I had to drag you way out here to have this happen.

That's all right, Jack. It wasn't your fault.

Miss bayes, you were excellent.

Thank you.

Jack, here's an idea.

Why don't you and miss bayes team up?

You'd do a great act together.

Oh, Jack doesn't want to team up with anyone.

How do you know I don't? If you'll buy us,

it will be "bayes and Norworth" from here in.

And from here out all over the country from coast to coast.

You take about 4 weeks of western vaudeville time to get your act into shape.

Then come to New York, and I'll have your contracts

and route on the big time all ready for you.

Fine. All right. Good.

I'll see you in New York in about a month.

Good night, miss bayes.

Good night, Fowler.

I'll have to say it again.

You're a pretty nice guy, Mr. Norworth.

Like this?

Mm-hmm. don't know yet what the idea is.

Big city boy hiring a horse and buggy,

driving out into the country.

Well, you see, I've been sort of dreaming up a new act.

I wanted the right props.

Oh.

Pretty girl, lonely road, full moon,

smell of new-mown hay.

Corn, stranger. That ain't hay.

But that's the moon, ain't it?

Oh, yes. That's the moon, all right...

what they call a harvest moon.

Harvest moon, huh?

Mm-hmm.

# Underneath the harvest moon #

Ha ha ha! Did I bring all that out?

I guess so.

# A harvest moon, a honeymoon, and you #

Shine on, harvest moon.

# Shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

Up in the sky.

# Up in the sky #

# I ain't had no lovin' #

# since January, February #

June or July.

June or July? That's good.

Go ahead. Finish it.

No, not tonight. Got something else to do.

Nora...

Yes, Jack?

You and I, we're going to be together a lot from now on,

maybe 40 weeks at a stretch.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's not going to be so easy,

trouping around the country.

Can't always get 2 rooms in a hotel

or a couple of berths on a Pullman.

I imagine not.

It must be a lot simpler for, uh, married teams.

Oh, it must be.

And an awful lot simpler if they happen to be in love with each other.

That should help.

Yeah.

Say, don't you ever toss out a cue line?

Ha ha! You want me to suggest we get married?

Not exactly, but you might make it easier for me to suggest it.

Why, so we won't have so much trouble

with hotel rooms and Pullman berths?

No. Because I've been crazy about you

ever since the first time I saw you.

You know I love you, don't you?

Yes, I do, Jack. And I love you.

But I don't know.

Huh?

You remember me, Jack.

I'm the girl who throws things through windows.

That's just what I want.

You won't believe this, but my grandmother, on one of her deathbeds,

made me promise that I would never marry a girl

unless she was handy at throwing things.

You fool. You sweet fool.

# When it's apple blossom time in normandy #

# I want to be #

# in normandy #

# by left ear or wishing well #

# with you, Maureen #

# oh, take me out to the ball game #

# if we don't win, it's a shame #

# for it's 1, 2, 3 strikes, you're out #

# at the old ball game #

# I've a garden in Sweden #

# in dear old Sweden #

# where every kind of posy grows #

# oh, I'm just goin' along as I please #

# breezin' along with the breeze #

# who's your honey lamb? #

# There's only one for me #

# she fills my heart with ecstasy #

# did you say I am? #

# You bet your life I did #

# I love my wife, but, oh, you kid #

# hold me close and whisper to me #

# tell me who you l-o-v-e #

# who's your cutie pie? #

# I think you ought to know #

# that you're my extra-special Beau #

# did you say it's I? #

# It's no one else but you #

# I mean it, dear, indeed, I do #

# you're as sweet as strawberry jam #

# who's your honey lamb? #

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Ok.

Put his leg up over there.

All right.

Even if it is a rehearsal,

let's get it right for once.

Hope it works pretty soon.

I'm running out of dummies.

Oh, you'll always have me, George.

I'm as good as a dummy, aren't I?

Yeah... well, as dumb, anyway.

Oh, thanks.

Here it is in the variety. Variety.

About our Nora. About...

Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you have company.

How do you do, sir? I...

George, what you did! What... You...

Ha ha ha! A dumb one.

Can't understand it.

It's just supposed to cut the cabbage in two.

I be reading about our Nora.

I'll try it this time with Margie instead of the dummy.

Come on, Margie. Climb up here.

Where I see...

Put your head in the right place. That's good.

Here it is.

"Bayes and Norworth are stopping shows in middle west."

He's telling them, eh?

George! George! You shouldn't do that!

Why not? She'll never even feel it.

Not too close. I'm ticklish.

All right.

He's terribly sorry.

He ain't mad at you. No. No.

You're not mad at me, George, are you?

No, no, no.

No, he's not mad.

Hang on to your ears.

George, you shouldn't do that! No, George!

We better put this down on the floor, just in case.

But... but...

poppa Karl, I don't think you better watch this.

George! No, no!

Don't watch it, poppa Karl. Look away.

George! George! No!

Aah!

Aah!

Hey, fellas. Come on. Help me.

What's the matter, pops?

Did you ever see a woman lose her head before?

Ha ha ha!

Hello. Who?

Oh, Jack Norworth.

Hello, Jack. How are you?

Fine. Have you got all our bookings?

Yes, yes. Everything's all ready for you.

Drop over around 6:00. Pick up your contracts.

You mean our contracts are all signed?

Sure, sure. I got them right here in my hand.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I'll be looking for you.

All right.

All set, Mrs. Norworth.

All I have to do is pick up the papers.

Darling, you've been wonderfully extravagant.

You ain't seen nothing yet. Look.

Are all these for me, too?

All for you.

Jack, that's wonderful.

Here you are, boys.

Thank you, sir.

I guess there's

just nothing left in New York worth buying.

These are

the latest creations from Paris.

And don't think you won't have to pay for them,

so start paying.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Uh...

I go out and come in again.

No, no, poppa Karl.

How do you like Nora in that outfit?

Do you think it's becoming?

You are in show business, Nora.

If you got some business, show it.

Honey, I think I'd better go over and get those contracts.

Poppa, you stay with Nora.

I'll meet you later at romero's.

We'll have a nice quiet dinner... just the 3 of us.

That'll be fine.

Bye. Bye.

Bye, poppa.

Good-bye.

And he's your husband.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm the sugar daddy.

How do you do?

Well, where's the reception committee?

I'm Jack Norworth.

Oh, yes. Go right in.

How are you, bill, old boy?

Here I am, all set to put my "x" on the dotted line.

And wait till you see the act we got for you.

Hello, Jack.

4 of the greatest songs you ever heard.

You should hear Nora sing them.

Come on, come on. Get them out.

What are we waiting for?

Hello, Norworth.

Hello.

I'm kind of surprised seeing you here.

Believe me, Jack, I was surprised, too.

Yeah. But I'm going to be around

quite a lot from now on.

Have a cigar, Jack.

Hey, Nora, georgetti, poppa Karl,

I'm losing my patience.

What's up, romero? Now what?

This is a fine surprise party for Jack.

Already he's one hour late.

Don't worry, romero. Jack never missed a meal in his life.

Surprise? by the time Jack gets here,

if he can eat the spaghetti, I'll be surprised.

Ha ha! He'll be here.

George, come with me.

What do you want?

The very idea. Come on.

What is it, Margie?

What? What's the idea, Margie?

He insulted you.

He did, eh?

Go ahead. Say it in front of his face.

Yeah.

Go ahead. Say it.

All I said is that you're unique.

You see, George? Hit him! Hit him!

Margie, someday, you're going to get me murdered.

Why don't you go chase yourself? Cool off. Go ahead.

I... she's...

George, George. Can I see you a minute?

Help me stall till Jack gets here, will you?

Do something. Sing a song, huh?

I don't want to sing.

Oh, thanks.

Say, listen, everybody, here's a surprise for you.

George is going to give us a song.

Ah, you don't want to hear me sing.

Sure, we do!

Ah, you don't really want to hear me sing.

All right, George. When do we eat?

How about our food?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

If you're all going to insist, I guess I'll have to give in.

Ha ha ha!

Margie!

I'll get the music set. Sit down, everybody.

You had to go and coax him, didn't you?

Now we'll never eat.

Marge, Marge!

Are you looking for me, dear?

No. I'm looking for Marge. Oh, mar...

oh, there you are.

Oh, hello, George.

What are you doing in here?

Well, you told me to cool off.

Come on, come on.

You're the dumbest dame I've ever known.

George, you're so sweet to me.

# You're a featherbrained illusion #

# and I've come to the conclusion #

# you are, figuratively speaking #

# not too bright #

These aren't feathers. It's a hairdo.

You can feel them if you'd care to.

And other people

think my figure is all right.

# You've got a corner on the market #

# where dumbness is concerned #

# yes, I use the market on the corner #

# since the market where I used to market burned #

I'm burning now.

# You're a sweet non compos mentis #

# that a frantic mother sent us #

# just another one of nature's dizzy dames #

# well, last Monday I felt dizzy #

# but today I'm feeling fine #

# you flatter with those mento compis names #

# ho hum #

# so dumb #

# I never met a dame like you #

# am I the one you love... #

# Uh-huh #

# to saw in two? #

# Ooh, so dumb #

Hee hee.

# But so beautiful #

# so dumb #

# but so sweet #

# a peanut shell #

# could more than hold your miraculous brain #

Oh, thanks.

# Why, you don't even know enough #

# to come out of the rain #

Is it raining?

# You are dumb #

# but you're beautiful #

# you're so dumb #

# it hurts #

# your head's completely empty, chum #

# but I don't care if you are dumb #

# as long as you're beautiful #

# so dumb #

# but what pulchritude #

# so dense #

# but so sweet #

# I'll bet you couldn't boil an egg #

# without reading this book #

# well, mother said, with eyes like mine #

# I'd be crazy to cook #

# you are... #

# but you're... #

# you're so... #

# this kitchen stuff's beyond your reach #

# you're at your best upon the beach #

# 'cause, gee... #

I don't have to say anymore.

# So I'm dumb? #

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

# But I'm beautiful? #

That's right.

# So I'm dumb? #

# Mm-hmm #

# but you say I'm sweet? #

# Ah, so sweet #

# you claim that I'm too dumb #

# to know the east from the west? #

# Well, i... #

# but, say, did Venus #

# have to pass an intelligence test? #

# Oh, you're dumb #

# but you're beautiful #

# you're so dumb #

# it really hurts #

# I gaze upon that lovely dome #

# and realize there's no one home #

No?

# But, gee #

# are you beautiful #

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Listen to me, everybody.

You want to see something good?

Then watch my 2 kids dance.

Play the music!

Poppa, I'm really

starting to worry about Jack.

I'll take a look outside.

Yes, darling.

That's my kids! Go on! Go on!

Great! Great!

Nora, what's Jack trying to do, starve us to death?

It looks that way. Let's keep our minds off our appetites.

Who else can do something?

You can. Come on, sing a song, Nora. Go on.

All right, I'll do it. But it's blackmail.

Hello.

Si, si.

Oh, Jack, hey, where you been?

Eh? You want to speak to Nora?

Just a minute. I call her.

Hey, Nora, it's Jack... on the phone.

Keep playing, boys. Excuse me. Just a minute.

I'll bet Jack has found a blond!

Hello! Hello! Tell Jack he should come over.

Just a quiet dinner for three,

like a boiler factory. Ha ha ha!

Jack, darling, where are you?

Well, i...

I just left Fowler's office a minute ago.

Then everything's all set.

Oh, Jack, hurry on over here.

I can't get over now, Nora.

There are a few things I have to straighten out. I'll see you at home.

Come on over here.

Then you can tell everybody at the same time.

No, Nora...

I... I've got to tell you alone.

Oh, I see.

I'll be right home.

And, Jack, don't worry, please.

It doesn't matter.

Good-bye, darling.

Folks, please!

I'm sorry. Jack isn't coming over.

Our contracts weren't signed.

What?

You're not the only ones who can pull gags.

You certainly fell for that one.

Our contracts are all set, and we leave tonight.

There's just one slight hitch.

We've got to catch a train right away,

so I'll have to leave you.

But, please, don't let this spoil your fun.

Keep right on laughing. Good night.

No, no, no.

So fast you cannot go,

not until you have heard the toast I scrape up.

A toast! A toast!

Friends...

Tonight, Jack and Nora sign a contract for the big time.

But the contract is just a piece of paper.

That doesn't make people big-time.

Is better big something in here.

That makes it.

And what is in here,

our Jack and Nora have got it.

And so to 2 real big-timers,

good luck.

And bottoms down.

Good luck, guys!

Good night! Hope you make it big!

Good-bye, Nora! Good night!

Jack.

Here I am.

I still don't understand.

It seems there was once a guy named Costello,

that's all.

Costello?

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

He bought the chain of theaters.

Fowler couldn't take a chance on getting him sore.

Costello, huh?

That's because of me.

Don't say that, honey.

You know it is.

Don't get any strange ideas in that beautiful head of yours.

Besides, we're not licked. There are plenty of theaters

that Costello has nothing to do with.

Sure. What about the Wilson chain?

You're right, honey. Wilson will grab us in a minute.

And why not?

Haven't we got the best double act in the business?

It doesn't matter where we have to play,

even in a tent,

as long as we're together.

Better take it easy with those peanuts.

We may be needing them ourselves.

Go get the money, Josephine.

Don't be funny. Anyway, I shouldn't be paying you.

You ought to pay me royalties. I wrote that darn song.

All right, Josephine.

Hey, take a look at this.

Well, she always had a good act.

Yeah. Jack, are you ever sorry?

Sorry? About Blanche?

No, no. About everything.

You were doing so well until you met me.

Listen, lunkhead, I wasn't even alive until I met you.

You were alive enough to write nothing but hits.

I've written another one, too. Remember that tune

we were kicking around the night we were out buggy riding?

Mm-hmm. shine on, harvest moon.

Well, I finished it.

And tomorrow, I'm taking it to Jerome remick's.

He's published a lot of my tunes.

This one ought to get an advance of 200 bucks.

Well, adding that 200 bucks to what we have,

it'll give us

a bankroll of exactly...$200.55.

Here. Give that to me.

No, no. I'm the banker in the family.

Hello, Cullen. How are you?

Jack Norworth, I haven't seen you in ages.

I've been writing special material.

I just finished a song that'll sell a million copies.

That's great. I'd like to hear it.

Let's see if we can find a piano. Come on.

# ...he's me pal #

# he's me pal #

# there ain't nobody else I can see #

# I know he's dead tough #

# but his love... #

# What's the matter with father? #

# He's all right #

# what's the matter with father... #

# You great big beautiful doll #

# if you ever leave me #

# how my heart will ache... #

There you are, Jack. It's all yours.

I think you'll like this song, Cullen.

It's the best one I've written.

I hope it's as good as take me out to the ball game.

Listen.

# Shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# up in the sky #

# I ain't had no lovin' #

# since January, February #

# June, or July #

# snow time #

# ain't no time #

# to stay outdoors #

# and spoon #

# so shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# for me and my gal #

That's enough. That's enough.

Jack, it's great. It's a sure hit. It's good.

Is it good enough for a $200 advance?

It is if we can get the right act to introduce it.

Come with me.

Where are we going?

There's a girl at the majestic.

If she'll sing it, you've sold it.

Come on.

# Thank you for the dance #

# thank you for romance #

# when I was close to your cheek #

# I was too happy to speak #

# thank you for the bliss #

# of one stolen kiss #

# I could go on forever #

# in your arms here #

# with your charms near #

# I'd be in heaven #

# walking on forever #

# darling, thank you for the dance... #

That's the girl?

That's her. Sells a song, doesn't she?

Uh-huh.

When she's finished,

we'll go back to her dressing room and let her hear it.

With a little luck, we'll sell it.

I hope you're right.

# Dancing with you #

# I had a wonderful time #

Come on. We'll go back and see her.

# Thank you for the dance #

# thank you for romance #

# I could go on forever #

# in your arms here #

# with your charms near #

# I'd be in heaven #

# walking on forever #

# darling, thank you for the dance #

# every little... #

She'll be through in a minute. We'll talk to her then.

Jack. Hey, Jack.

George.

Jack, Jack.

Margie. how are you, George?

I didn't know you were on the bill here.

Uh-huh. Gee, we haven't seen you in an awful long time.

No. I've been pretty busy.

Yeah. We kind of wanted you and Nora

to come to our wedding.

Wedding? You're married?

Say, with a girl like Margie,

you either kill her or marry her.

Maybe someday I'll kill her, too.

Oh, silly.

Margie, are you still having trouble

telling your left from your right hand?

Oh, no. George bought me 2 bracelets. See?

Yeah. Ye...

Why, you little numbskull,

no wonder everything went wrong this afternoon.

You got the left on the right

and the right on the left.

You can't talk to me that way just because I'm your wife.

Baby, honey, I take it all back.

You got the bracelets on absolutely right.

It was my fault.

I had them engraved wrong.

Then I have to remember to put them on wrong.

That's right.

Why don't you stick around? We want to see you as soon as we're off.

I've got to see Blanche first.

She was asking about you.

Yeah?

Here we go again, Margie. Don't forget, Jack, stick around.

Ha ha. Thanks.

See you later. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Thank you.

I haven't seen Marge and georgetti

for a long time. They'r married now.

Miss Mallory...

hello, Jack.

Hello, Blanche.

You two know each other? You didn't tell me.

We're old friends.

That's fine.

Jack has written a great number, a love song.

And, sweetheart, he must have written it with you in mind.

I imagine.

The moment I heard it, I said to myself,

that's for Mallory. She gets first crack at it.

I'd like to talk about it to Mr. Norworth alone.

Do you mind?

No, no. Not at all.

See you later.

You'll let me know, Jack?

Yeah.

That's all, Lily.

Nice to see you, Jack. Sit down.

Thanks.

I know you're going to like this song.

You wrote it. It must be good.

All it needs, Blanche, is for you to plug it.

If you weren't blacklisted,

you wouldn't need me to plug it.

Jack, you're beating your head against a stone wall this way.

It would be so simple if you'd team up with me.

Remember? I asked you once before.

It still goes...

All the way.

And I can handle Costello.

You'd be back in the theater where you belong, Jack.

How about it?

No, Blanche.

It's no good.

I'm sorry. Will you excuse me?

What about the song?

I'm not interested in any new songs right now.

If you care to,

submit it to my advisor... Mr. Dan Costello.

Well?

Nora, I got to thinking about the song,

and I couldn't sell it.

It's not just a tune, Nora.

It's ours, part of us.

No one but bayes and Norworth

should ever sing harvest moon.

You're right, darling.

Maybe it's a lucky sign for us.

Look who's here.

Poppa Karl.

Yes, it's me... poppa Karl!

And I have good news.

He wouldn't tell me what it was till you came home.

I have found for you

an independent theater.

How did you find it, with bloodhounds?

Yeah... bloodhounds? No. I go by train.

But anyhow, bloodhounds, mud hounds,

it doesn't matter.

You have the open time.

I don't know. I'll have to talk to my managers.

Don't be silly.

It's sweet of you, poppa Karl, but...

but what?

You know we're blacklisted.

So, you are blacklisted.

And this theater ain't even listed at all.

It's such a little one.

Listen, you'll be there

Monday at 6:00 for rehearsal.

I give you the advance to make it sure.

Please.

Poppa Karl, you're a darling.

And so you are.

I wonder if this is the right theater.

Well, if it is, it's the wrong night.

Hello?

Hello there!

Hello, Jack. Hello, Nora.

Hello, poppa. Where is everybody?

Where is anybody?

Anybody isn't here except me.

And I ain't nobody.

I see. A little Fowler and Costello trouble, huh?

Fowler, he telephoned the manager.

He heard that you and Nora playing here,

so he cancels the other act.

Why, that miserable, no-good...

but manager, he said, "Fowler, you can't do this."

Yes?

But he did it.

Well, that settles that.

We're dead ducks.

Wait for me. I swim home with you.

I'm sorry. It happens, Jack.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

This place is depressing.

Depressing?

I'm not depressed.

When I look out there, I don't see empty seats.

I see hundreds of smiling faces.

There. You see?

And you...

You're in that beautiful white gown

you always wanted.

This is lovely.

And you...

You're wearing your brand-new tuxedo with the shawl collar.

Just like old times, isn't it, Nora?

And look.

There's our old friend Harry at the piano.

Still with you, Jack.

Play our introduction, Harry.

# Some go for money #

# some go for fame #

# some spend a lifetime making a name #

# others continually strive #

# to get in who's who #

# I never go for such trivial things #

# they only last for a day #

# but, darling #

# I love you #

# and I'm here to say #

# that I go for you #

# you know darn well I do #

# you can't conceal it #

# I know my eyes reveal it #

# to you... #

They sure do.

# I go for you #

# you're the only one who #

# gives me that feeling #

# my heart is really reeling #

# from you #

Really?

# Just take me to a rooftop #

# high up above the crowd #

# I'll stand there on the rooftop #

# and shout out loud #

# I love you #

# I go for you #

# baby, honest, I do #

# I feel a new glow #

# 'cause now I know that you go #

# for me #

# I want to tell the world about you #

# just take me to a rooftop #

# high up above the crowd #

# I'll stand there on the rooftop #

# and 24 hours a day I'd say #

# I love you #

# I go for you #

# I go for you... #

# Baby, honest, I do #

# I feel a new glow #

# 'cause now I know that you go #

# for me #

# I go for you #

# baby #

# honest, I do... #

# And I go for you #

Hey, what's going on here?

Who are you? What do you want?

You shouldn't have done that.

We were just getting a terrific hand.

What?

I'm sorry. We just came for our trunk.

It's 12 o'clock, cinderella.

I'm certainly glad to get home.

Maybe we didn't open tonight, but we're going to have that grand spread anyway.

Ah, what have we here?

Well, well, well! A prime porterhouse steak,

a bottle of chateau lafite, 1864,

and...

Biscuits tortoni.

Or would you rather have me mix a batch of crepes suzettes?

I've been furnishing the crepes.

Now, if you can get ahold of a couple of plump suzettes...

Ha ha! Come, my dear! Let us dine.

"Better a crust in a house of love

than a guy with a lot of crust."

Sit here, madame...

the best table in the dump.

I'll start packing.

Margie!

Hello, Jack. How are you?

Nora, glad to see you.

We just thought we'd drop in to have a little pot luck.

Pull up a chair and cut yourself a slice of milk.

Wait a minute. You remember confucius,

the duck that worked in my act?

Yeah.

Well, yesterday he spoiled another trick, so...

Oh, look at that!

That's one thing about being a magician...

when I come to pot luck, I can bring my own pot.

Hocus pocus, rum and fedocus.

Oh, George!

Wait a minute. That's nothing.

Wine for madame.

Oh, it is going to be a big night for us.

I knew we'd have wine.

We'd better eat this quick before it disappears.

It seems like you're always giving dinners for us.

Believe me, Nora, it's nothing.

I'll get some plates.

Sit here, Margie.

Wait a minute. My piece de resistance.

Beautiful.

I wish you could produce a maid for us.

I would if I could get one under my coat.

Now we'll see what magic food tastes like.

Here, George, you carve.

I don't know, I keep asking George,

"if you can make dishes appear and disappear with magic,

why can't you wash them that way?"

What does he answer?

Just what he always answers... "gosh, you're dumb."

But he just says that to be sweet.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm dumb, because if I had any sense,

I'd worry about how dumb I was.

You still got that scrapbook?

Take a look at some of these old clippings.

Remember that night we both played the Carolina theater in Raleigh?

How could I forget it? What an audience.

Here it is, right here.

They would have stayed in that theater forever listening to you.

Don't think I didn't want them to.

Gee, I bet Jack misses the theater.

I think it would kill him, part of him anyway,

to quit.

Well, gosh. Why doesn't he take Blanche up on her offer?

Blanche?

Sure. She wants him to team up with her.

Those were the days.

We had some good times, all right.

Blanche wants him?

Sure. I always thought she liked him a lot.

I bet if he hadn't met you, they would have teamed up long ago.

Even right now,

Jack could get a solid 40 weeks' booking if he'd work with Blanche.

Gee, wouldn't that be wonderful?

What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?

No, Margie. You said something awfully right.

I did? Oh, gee.

What'd I say?

Never mind, Margie. Let's finish the dishes.

Come in.

Won't you sit down?

No, thank you. I won't be but a moment, Blanche.

I just wanted to ask you something.

Yes?

You could square things with Costello for Jack, couldn't you?

I mean, if I weren't around.

Dan's got nothing against Jack.

That's what I thought.

Well?

Well, you win, Blanche.

You can have Jack.

What do you mean?

I don't know why you'd expect me to turn out

to be anything but what you thought I was back in Milwaukee...

a honky-tonk dame.

You were right.

I married Jack because I thought he was going places...

right up to the top.

I thought he'd take me with him.

Well, I was a sap, but I'm not sap enough to stick to him.

I'm getting out. He's all yours.

You mean, you're leaving him?

Sure. I've got to look out for myself.

Jack and I could have a swell act.

With his songs... Especially that last one about the harvest moon.

Yeah. You'll be great together.

Oh, hello, Nora.

Excuse me.

Wait a minute. What's your hurry?

Why didn't you leave us alone?

What did she want?

Nothing. Nothing important.

Dan, I want you to do something for me.

Anything, Blanche. Anything at all.

Darling, remember what we talked about...

me teaming up with someone?

Yes.

Well...

Nora.

Margie, look.

Take a card.

Hey, we got to stop feeding this canary.

He's getting so fat, I can hardly palm him anymore.

You better lay off of that candy, too.

Why, George? You don't have to palm me.

Hey. Poppa Karl!

Well, hello, stranger.

Hello, George, Margie.

Come on, poppa, sit down.

I would be happy to see you if I wasn't so depressed.

Depressed? What about?

It's Jack. Did you see him lately?

Yeah. Ran into him on Broadway last week.

Looked like he was walking around in a fog.

5 jobs in 4 months I got him,

and 5 times he got fired.

He sings and sings, and it comes out nothing, nothing.

From his own songs, he forgets now the lyrics.

Jack's been badly hurt, poppa Karl.

Why don't we get him a doctor?

Doctor? What is hurting Jack is in here.

The doctors didn't learn yet how to cure that.

I can't believe Jack's all washed up.

He isn't all, not yet.

He starts tonight at the bijou theater.

Burlesque? Mm-hmm.

Jack Norworth in burlesque?

Burlesque. I was lucky to get him even that.

And if he doesn't make good in this job...

Jack's got to snap out of it.

If there was only some way we could help.

You know who could help.

If he could only find her.

Find her, sure. Takes a better magician than me.

How do I know where Nora is?

I don't know where she is, either, poppa Karl.

Margie, will you stop with that goo?

Where'd you get that stuff anyway?

Nora sent it to me yesterday.

Nora?

Nora?

Yes.

Look. saltwater Taffy from Atlantic city.

Yes. I wonder where she sent it from.

Oh, you beautiful dope!

You darling dumbbell.

Please, George, go to Jack

and make sure he gets on tonight.

I take care of the rest.

I wish you all the luck in the world,

but Atlantic city is an awful big place.

I find Nora if I have to look under every piece of sand on the beach.

Bye-bye. good-bye! good luck!

Ha ha! Gee. Hope he finds her.

# ...I've wandered my whole life through #

# watching and waiting #

# for somebody just like you #

# hoping that someday #

# my love would break #

# wandering, squandering #

# my time on some mistake #

# but now that I've found you #

# I need never wander more #

# I've found the one dear #

# that I have been looking for #

# with love I may grow tipsy #

# like a gypsy would do #

# searching hill and Dale #

# till I hit the trail #

# right straight #

# to you #

I'll take it.

May I wrap it for you?

No, thanks. This is all right.

Pardon me. Have you got a song called time waits for no one?

I'm sorry. That song is...

Poppa Karl!

I don't believe it. What are you doing here?

You look wonderful. What a surprise.

When did you get here?

So many questions I can't answer on an empty stomach.

I invite you to take me to lunch. Come.

Wait a minute. What time is it?

What time? Lunchtime. Come, darling.

Hortense, take over, will you?

All right.

# Just like a gypsy #

# I've wandered my whole life through #

# watching and waiting #

# for somebody just like you #

There you are, sir.

Thank you. I can't understand.

You tell me how much you love Jack,

and yet you don't want to be with him. Why?

Because I'm his jinx, poppa Karl.

I'm Jack's Indian sign, his black cat, his Friday the 13th,

and the ladder he walked under in Milwaukee a long time ago.

Cats? Ladders? What... what does it mean?

I knew if I stepped aside

he'd get the breaks again.

How's the act?

Act? What act?

Norworth and Mallory.

Jack will make hammerstein's all right now.

Hammerstein's? Nora, Nora, don't explain.

You mix me up more than I am.

One question... will you come to Jack's opening tonight? Yes or no?

Listen, poppa Karl,

I gave Jack to Blanche Mallory.

Now you want me to sit in the audience

and give her a hand, too?

Blanche Mallory? Jack is not working with her.

You know I'd like to see him, but...

What?

Say that again.

He was never with Blanche.

Jack wants no one but you, Nora, and he needs you.

Poppa Karl.

Then you'll come?

Will I? Poppa Karl, how fast can you run?

I will show you how I can run. Please, my check.

Come on.

We came at the right time. Jack comes on next.

We will sit in the box where he can see you. Come. Come.

I can't understand you at all, Jack.

You've got to go on in a few minutes.

What for?

What for? You're booked here.

You never ran out on a show in your life.

I've made a fool of myself long enough.

I just haven't got it anymore.

What are you talking about? You go out there tonight and make a hit,

you'll be right back on top again, where you belong.

Forget it. I'm washed up, and I know it.

I can't sing that song with anyone but Nora.

Come on, Jack, cut out the drinking.

Poppa Karl didn't do this for Nora. He did it for you.

You don't go on tonight, you'll break his heart.

You make a hit, we'll both go out and celebrate.

Now, come on, fella. Go out there and do your stuff, will you?

All right. I'll try.

This won't do anyone any good.

Take it from me, you're doing the right thing.

Leave it to me. I wouldn't steer you wrong.

Come on, Jack. Give them everything you've got.

Hello, poppa Karl.

Hello, Mr. Harvey.

Hello, Mr. Hoffman.

How do you do, sir?

That's Mr. Harvey, big man from flo Ziegfeld.

Do you suppose he came to see Jack?

I don't know.

Jack, lackluster: # the night was mighty dark, so you could hardly see #

# for the moon refused to shine #

# couple sittin' underneath the Willow tree #

# for love... #

Wait a minute. Pick it up a little. The tempo's too slow.

Start again, will you, please?

# The night was mighty dark, so you could hardly see #

# for the moon refused to shine #

# couple sittin' underneath the Willow tree #

What's happened, poppa Karl? What's the matter with him?

Now you see.

# Little maid was kind of 'fraid of darkness #

# so she said... #

What's the matter with you?

Why don't you play it the way we rehearsed it?

This is the way we rehearsed it.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

Can't even remember the Lyric.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry I wasted your time.

The best part of the show follows me.

If you'll excuse me, I'll say good night.

Jack.

Nora!

Please don't go, Jack. Sing it again... For me.

You'll have to forgive me, ladies and gentlemen,

but this is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you.

Now, wait. The song I was trying to sing

was written for my former partner, Nora bayes.

Now we'll sing it for you as it was written.

Will you sing it with me, Nora?

Of course I will.

That's a clever way to start the number, with the girl in the box.

Bring them both over tomorrow. There's a spot for them in the Ziegfeld review.

Yes, Mr. Harvey.

# So shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# up in the sky #

Get ready. Here comes the harvest moon number.

All right.

# The night was mighty dark, so you could hardly see #

# for the moon refused to shine #

# couple sitting underneath the Willow tree #

# for love, they pined #

# little maid was kind of 'fraid of darkness #

# so she said, "I guess I'll go" #

# boy began to sigh #

# looked up at the sky #

# told the moon his little tale of woe #

# oh, shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# up in the sky #

# I ain't had no lovin' since #

# January, February, march, April, may, and June or July #

# snow time ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon #

# so shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# for me and my pal #

# time waits for no one #

# it passes you by #

# it rolls on forever #

# like the clouds in the sky #

# time waits for no one #

# goes on endlessly #

# it's just like a river #

# flowing out to the sea #

# you'll find that love is like this #

# each precious moment we miss #

# will never, ever return again #

# so don't let us throw one sweet moment away #

# time waits for no one #

# let's take love while we may #

# just take me to a rooftop #

# high up above the crowd #

# I'll stand there on that rooftop #

# and shout out loud #

# "I love you" #

# I go for you, baby, honest I do #

# I feel a new glow #

# 'cause now I know that you go #

# for me #

# harvest moon above is shinin' #

# like a yellow pumpkin in the sky #

# way up high #

# when the harvest moon is shinin' #

# it means the winter's coming and the summer's going by #

# while the stars above are gleamin' #

# nightingales will sing a sleepy tune, a sleepy tune #

# it's a lovely night for dreamin' #

# underneath the harvest moon #

# so dumb #

# but so beautiful #

# so dumb #

# but so sweet #

# why, the smartest thing you ever did #

# was to tumble for me #

Oh, no, that only goes to prove

how dumb I can be.

# Ah, dumb but beautiful #

# you're so dumb #

# it really hurts me #

# but I can stagger on through life #

# with just a dummy for my wife #

# as long #

# as you're beautiful #

# look at that moon a-shinin' #

# look at me, I'm pine, pine, pinin' #

# want somebody to love #

# when the moon is up above #

# here am I wastin' away #

# what am I gonna do? #

# Been feeling mighty blue and down and #

# don't know nothin', but I'm missing your kiss #

# because you're, oh, so kissable #

# just a year ago, I can still remember #

# there was a solid gold moon #

# shinin' down upon your charms #

# baby, you were in my arms #

# baby, say that you remember #

# you know that I'm gonna go crazy #

# look, look, look, lookin' at that harvest moon #

# so shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# up in the sky #

# I ain't had no lovin' #

# since January, February, June, or July #

# and snow time ain't no time to stay #

# outdoors and spoon #

# so shine on #

# shine on, harvest moon #

# for me an my #

# guy # # gal #

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captioned by the national captioning institute ...www.Ncicap.Org...