All language subtitles for Shameless.US.S04E03

I was here last week.

Where the fuck were you?

My liver is finally giving up.

- What do we do?
- Nothing we can do,

unless somebody wants
to give me their liver.

Stan gave me the bar.

Why would you want it?

Have you looked
at the books lately?

Someone from your family
can donate

- a portion of their liver.
- Ow!

Why don't you find out
if their blood

matches your father?

I need you to test this.

Take a look.

Two babies?

Nope.
Mm, three.

Triplets!

I got a magic penis, man.

Okay, who has read ahead
to chapter seven?

I'm only 13.

Uh, okay.

Cool.
[Laughs]

He's dying.

He drank through the liver
that he had, and he wrecked it.

And now he wants to wreck mine.

- No. No way.
- It's okay, son.

If Fiona won't do it,
I'll get my other daughter to.

Debbie's too young.

My oldest daughter, Samantha.

What?

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

♪ think of all the luck
you got ♪

♪ know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ you were beaming
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ round up the friends
you got ♪

♪ know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ you were willing
once before ♪

♪ but it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ what is this downside ♪

♪ that you speak of? ♪

♪ what is this feeling ♪

♪ you're so sure of? ♪

♪ now I wear my heart ♪

[Laughs]
That is the last time

I let you choose the tunes
in the morning.

Oh, yeah, you just keep acting

like you hate
British boy bands.

- I think it's adorable.
- Everybody hates them.

I'm sorry I'm not
a 12-year-old girl.

Yeah, well, I usually
don't go lower than 14.

And, you know, next time
we can listen

to your gangsta rap.

Since when is Kanye considered
gangsta rap?

Uh, since always.
Where'd you learn about music?

- You living on Mars?
- Your mom...

- Oh, yeah?
- Last time I banged her.

Oh, yeah, that makes a lot
more sense.

She has awful taste.

Hey, you know, you can leave

some of that stuff here
if you want.

- What stuff?
- Makeup, underwear, shampoo.

Oh, wow.
This is serious.

Work outfit or two--
just stuff.

Uh-huh.
I'll think about it.

Or I could just stay
at your place.

[Sighs]
We talked about this.

- No way.
- We have not.

No, we have not talked
about this.

You always just say,
"It's complicated."

- It's very complicated.
- Well, try me.

Okay. My father, who now lives
with us again,

drank himself
into liver failure

and is trolling
his children for a new liver,

including an older daughter
that none of us knew about.

You have another sister?

- I probably have 20.
- [Laughs]

Just when I think I've peeled
the onion on Frank,

- bam, another layer.
- Right.

The upside is
I'm getting real good

at not giving a shit.

Well, it sounds to me like
maybe you do give a shit.

Get your hearing tested.
Can I use your toothbrush?

- Gross. Yes.
- Thank you.

Oh, hey, don't forget--
dinner at my parents' place tonight.

[Rock music]

[Clicks]
[Phone rings]

- [Crying]
- Ooh. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I'm so sorry.
Hold on.

[Crying in background]
Hi, Fiona.

Is that Liam screaming?

Well, yes.

Yes, I was
just clipping his nails,

and I just nicked him
a little bit.

- I'm out of practice.
- Is he okay?

Yes, he's fine.
He's totally fine.

How's Debbie and Carl?

I feel like I haven't seen
them in forever.

Carl just left for school,

and Debbie's getting ready.

And she's been teaching me
how to use my new iPad.

I found this genealogy app,

and it turns out
I'm 1/32 Menominee Indian.

- Huh. Who knew?
- Anyway...

do you know
about christianmingle.com?

- Is that a dating site?
- Well, yes, it is.

And it turns out, there's
11 Christian dating sites,

and there's a lot
of eligible bachelors

in my neighborhood.

And they all seem
mostly normal.

Well, I will be home
right after work.

Thanks again for watching
the kids overnight.

- I hate leaving them.
- Oh!

It's no problem.
It's been so fun.

Have a good day, okay?

Hey, sweetie,
it's freezing outside.

I'll be indoors.
Breakfast?

Well, there wasn't
any eggs or milk or bread.

- I'm starving.
- I'm sorry.

Can you pick up something
on the way to school,

like an Egg McMuffin
or something?

I gave Carl some money
so he could buy

some groceries after school.
[Ipad chimes]

Ooh, what was that?

Oh. Oh, wow.

I got poked.
I got poked.

I got poked back
by the American Indian guy

that I poked yesterday.
What do we do?

"We have a lot in common.

I am full-blooded
Kickapoo Indian.

I love laughter, food,
scenic views, and the Lord.

- Let's talk."
- [Gasps]

Now what?

Uh, ask him if he's DTF.

DTF.
What does that even mean?

Okay, I got to ask him
if he's DTF.

♪ ♪

[Groans]
Oh, God.

You okay, dad?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm fit as a fiddle,

except I-I ran out
of Perckie Cs last night.

Is there anything I could do?

Get more.

Is that her?

So that's my daughter.

Wow.
She's kind of beautiful.

Looks like you in skank form.

Thank you, son.

Does that make me an uncle?

Yes, indeed.

Now what?

Well...

I give her a taste
of the old Gallagher magic.

You-- you got any cash?

Sheila gave me $40
for groceries.

Hand it over.
I need weed.

Son, I can hardly walk.

I think ambulation
takes precedence.

What will we eat now?

You're a bright kid.

I'm sure you'll figure out
something.

Look...

Here...

There's enough for bread
and TP.

Shoo.

Get hard drugs.

Make daddy proud.

- You can't be serious.
- I set my alarm for 6:00 AM.

Excuse is the refuge
of the moral coward.

Dude, I got three hours
of sleep.

I was up all night studying
for econ.

So did every other jerk
on morning shift.

It's called work-study,
not study-work.

I'm trying, asshole, all right?

- Cut me some slack.
- Try harder.

Walnut and raisin dishes
are empty.

Steam table is covered in syrup.

Clean that up,
make a new batch,

and lose the 'tude, dude.

This one looks like Kev.

This one looks like me.

And this one either looks
like my cousin Troy

or Marvin Gaye.

Yeah, I just came here
for the painkillers.

Uh-uh.

If you think I'm gonna
load you up

on my hard-won, top-shelf
pharmaceuticals pro bono,

you are one fry short
of a happy meal.

No freebies,
not for you, not for anyone.

You're charging me
for drugs now?

Honey, we are in survival mode.

- What happened to ghetto nurse?
- She became a capitalist.

I could sell for you--

big market for oxy
in middle school.

No. Vamos.

I got to get ready
and go to the bar.

Go.

Bye.

_

Wow.

You're in bad shape.

Well, tell me something
I don't know.

Could I see your card?

Yes.

It's legit too,

not like these whiners.

Are you looking
for anything specific?

Uh, yeah.

Something to make me not feel

like I'm being stabbed
repeatedly

by a small army
of knife-wielding Neo-Nazis.

Well, we have Irene Kush
for chronic arthritis,

Sour Diesel for anxiety
and panic attacks,

Big Buddha Cheese
for muscle spasms.

What about
for fatal liver damage?

Oh, we don't recommend bud
for cirrhosis.

Studies show
a significantly higher rate

of moderate to severe fibrosis,

- or tissue scarring, in regular--
- Okay, fine.

Let's skip the FDA warning.

Give me an ounce of the Buddha

and a medibles menu
and some samples,

free samples.

Um, this will get you,
like, an eighth

of low-grade schwag
and two cookies.

Sold.

And he does this,
like, little wheeze thing

when he's thinking,
kind of like a little, "Hmm."

And he doesn't like sports,
and I don't like sports.

And he used to play
the trumpet in marching band,

but he dropped out
when his valve button broke.

And he has this enormous
collection of vintage t-shirts.

I feel like-- I don't know.
I don't know.

Like youlovehim?

Like I really like him.
I don't know.

I feel like my heart hurts
when I think of him.

So when do you plan
on doing it?

Um, soon?

- What are you even waiting for?
- He hasn't asked yet.

If you're in like with him,
then why not just do it?

Okay.

And if it hurts,
don't squeal--

huge turn-off for guys.

And make sure you pee
right afterwards,

so you don't get an STD.

And when you cuddle afterwards,

let him be the big spoon.

- How do I start?
- When he's not expecting it...

bam, you drop trou

and expos-ay some sex-ay.

Yeah, boys go cray
over that stuff.

I don't own any sexy undies.

Homegirl, have you seen
my underwear drawer?

[Computer chimes]

_

Hey.

Get that link I just sent?

What is this?

It's the, uh,
local Al-Anon chapter.

Uh-huh. And what am
I supposed to do with it?

Nothing, but you could use it
to find a local meeting,

if you wanted to.

It got us through
some pretty rough moments.

- "Us"?
- Yeah, my whole family.

Your whole family
went to meetings?

My whole family
went to meetings. Sure.

I mean, it helps to talk

to people in similar situations,
you know?

Oh. So talking solved
all your problems?

Didn't say that.

You deal
with your family shit your way,

and I will deal
with mine my way,

which is not dealing
with it at all.

Okay.
Well, if that works so well,

then why can't I stay
at your place?

[Chuckles]
Well played.

Don't make me out to be a nag.

I'm not telling you what to do.

I'm just telling you
what we did, all right?

So take it or leave it.

I'll drop a couple
of duffle bags

full of clothing and toiletries
at your place tomorrow, okay?

Yes.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

- This all you got?
- Nope.

Got a tight roll of quarters
behind my fly

with your name on it,
if you play your cards right.

That your kid?

Yep, I'm not afraid to knock
a bitch up.

You game?

Please stop talking.

Groceries have been gotten.

Now all I need is drug money.

Any ideas?

Could sell you.

Doggy.

Doggy.

♪ ♪

[Laughs]
Whoa. Slow your roll, Hairnet.

You want some lunch, dude?
Hot Pockets?

- We only have two.
- No, you know what? I'm good.

I'm gonna be late
for philosophy.

- You gonna shower?
- What? Do I need one?

- [Scoffs] Yes.
- Uh, no. No time.

I'm just gonna have
to spray some Axe

and hope everybody
stays upwind.

Um, hey, could I use
your laptop tonight?

The computer
at the library got hijacked

by a 24-hour Starcraft
tournament.

You know, I really need to work
on my paper for philosophy.

Sure, but why don't you
just get

one of those cheap-ass
little Acer chromebooks?

- What the hell's chromebook?
- Low-end computer, no frills.

Oh, yeah. How much?

Refurbs are only
about two hundy.

Right. Sure, right after
I buy that Mercedes GT.

I've had my eye on.
Good.

Hey.

Oh. Lavender--
it's refreshing.

- All right, see you. Bye.
- See you, dude.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Before we delve
too deeply into...

into Foucault

and problems of modernity,
let me remind you

that hard copies of your papers
are due tomorrow

in my mailbox
at 9:00 AM,

not 9:20, not 9:07.

Good.

Michel Foucault was a French
historian and philosopher,

associated
with the structuralist

and post-structuralist
movements.

He's had quite
a strong influence

on a wide range of humanistic

- and social scientific...
- Sorry, one second.

Thank you.

...disciplines.

He joined
the French Communist Party

from 1950 to 1953.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

You see Mr. Pudgy
over there on the bench?

Yeah.

I'll give you a joint to smack
him around a little bit.

Here, grade A
government-approved weed.

Wait for my nod.

Hey, hey.

And don't-- don't get too rough
on him.

That's my grandson.

Ooh.
Hey!

- Get away from that kid.
- What the fuck?

What's the matter with you?

Go, go.

There you go, kid.
Get up.

Oh, my God.

Baby, are you okay?

He hit me.
What did I do?

Come on.
Sit down right here.

God.
Thank you so much.

I guess some kids
are just assholes, huh?

Do you have a child
who goes here?

No, no, no.
I was just walking by.

I volunteer at the VA hospital
down the street,

helping out wounded warriors.

Not everyone would've stopped.
You could've been hurt.

Yeah, well, I guess
I'm just allergic to injustice.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa.
Are you okay?

Yeah.
I skipped lunch today.

I'm just a bit dizzy.

We were just gonna head out
for some fish and chips.

- Would you join us?
- Oh, no.

No, I-I couldn't.

Please, let me buy you
some cheese fries.

It's the least I can do.

Well--

Hey, family.

Did you miss me last night?

'Cause I missed you.

Is that your boyfriend?

Yeah.

- What's his name?
- Huh?

Your boyfriend--
what's his name?

Matty.

- Someone in your class?
- Mm-hmm.

[Clicks tongue]
I remember my first boyfriend,

Louie Velba.

I caught him jamming
his tongue down

Kerri Strauss' throat
in chemistry,

so I lit her hair on fire
with a Bunsen burner.

Hi, guys.

- Still pissed?
- Still hoarding your liver?

Yes.
How was school today?

Did you perform surgery

on anything small or dead?

Sweet doggy.
Where'd you get him?

[Dog whimpers]

Well, I'm gonna
keep trying, kiddo,

so you might as well
get used to it.

Where's Sheila?

[Humming]

Whoa!

You frightened me.
I'm sorry.

I thought you were going out
to dinner tonight.

I am.
What are you doing?

Well, I was just looking
for a scarf

or-- or a sweater
or something provocative

because Roger Running Tree
wants a full-body shot.

I'm so sorry.
I should've asked first.

No, no. It's-- it's okay.
Go on, take whatever you want.

- Oh.
- I'm sorry to duck out again.

- Oh.
- It's just-- I promised Mike

- weeks ago that I'd--
- Seriously.

Seriously, it is so fine.

We're having a wonderful time.

Yeah, I just try not to be
gone two nights in a row.

Speaking of which, if, um, you
need me to stay another night,

how would you feel about me
having a friend over?

Roger Running Tree?

Well, I'm-- I'm a woman
with needs.

As long as he doesn't steal
our food or piss on our sofa.

Fiona, he's a Christian.

- So was Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Really?

I'll be back before bedtime.
Call if you need anything.

Okay, okay.
Have fun.

So we'd make these little
videos on his phone, right?

Thought it was just for our
own personal use or whatever.

Then one day,
I'm at the stop and shop,

digging around for my stamps,

this craggy fella keeps
looking at me

like he knows me.

Never seen him before.

Goes, "You're so familiar."

- No.
- Finally...

[Imitates thunder booming]

Lightning bolt.

YouPorn.

"My skank, slutty wife loves
to get armpit fucked."

[Laughing] No.

[Laughs]
Can you believe that shit?

I didn't even mind
the "skank, slutty" part.

I was just pissed he said
I liked taking it

in the armpit.

Who likes that?

- No one.
- [Laughs]

Mm-hmm.
I did it as a favor.

Anyway, he was out
on his ass the next morning.

I filed for divorce
that afternoon.

Clerk was like, "Back again?"

This is husband number three?

Yep.
Third time was not a charm.

Right, Chuckie?

You seem pretty upbeat,
considering.

Yeah. I guess I'd rather live
and learn than just--

Not live at all.

Yes.

Exactly.

- You've had a rough time of it.
- Yeah, I guess.

Surprised I haven't scared
you off yet.

I don't scare that easily.

You have barely touched
your fries.

Are you sure I can't buy
you another beer?

I don't really drink.

You might be the first man
that's ever said that to me.

[Laughs]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is-- this is butterscotch.

We asked for chocolate.
I can't eat butterscotch.

- You allergic?
- No, just hate it.

Me too.

That and avocados.

[Both groaning]

Avocados are the worst...

And squirrels.

Tree rats.

- Hideous.
- Hideous.

[Laughing]

Hey, baby,

go play some pinball.

Okay?

Is he autistic?

Nah, he's just quiet--

very deep, old soul.

[Pounding buttons]

So...

tell me about you.

Well, not really much to tell.

I'm kind of a simple guy.

Have kids?

Uh, many...

at least 50.

I stack 'em like coasters
in a drawer.

[Laughing]

Why are you so funny?

- I'm high as a kite.
- [Laughing]

Ah, what a great laugh.

Are you free
tomorrow afternoon?

Should be. Why?

Chuckie's got a dodgeball game.

I'd love some company
in the stands.

And I know it looks
like Nancy did all the work,

but washing all this lettuce--
serious labor.

Your lady sure knows her way
around a cucumber.

Whoa! Mom.

Maybe choose
another vegetable next time.

Okay, Jane,
would you say grace?

Oh, sure.

Boys.

Bless us, o Lord,
and these gifts

which we are about to receive
from thy bounty,

in Christ's name.

- Amen.
All: - Amen.

All right.

All right, dig in.

All right.

Look at all you
bougie bastards.

All: - Hey!
- What are you doing here?

Robbie.

[Gasps]

Hi.

You are late.

Hey, I got to keep up
my reputation.

Hey, Robbie,
when did you get back?

- This afternoon.
- Okay.

I have no idea.

Hey, this is Fiona.

Fiona, I'd love you to meet
my older brother, Robbie.

Hey.

He's been off in the wilds
of Minnesota with-- what?

Some buddies--
you're camping for,

like, a few months, right?

You can be honest, Mike.
Got nothing to hide.

I was at a renewal retreat
at my old rehab center.

Three years sober
this Monday...

with a couple detours.

- Congrats.
- Yeah, cheers.

Thank you.
Thank you.

[Glasses clink]

So how was it?

Oh, it's unreal out there--

the air, the stars.

And we went snowmobiling.

Guys, I took
a couple wicked spills

and brought you back
a souvenir.

[Boys shouting]

Oh!
Not at the table.

Well, you look great.

I feel great.

- That's really great, Robbie.
- Yeah.

- That's excellent.
- Thank you.

[Clears throat]
So I was thinking about going up

to the lake house this weekend.

Me and Pete need
to lay down some tracks

and need some peace to do it.

No one's up there, are they?

Robbie, we talked about this.

Um, we don't want you up there

without someone else
from the family.

[Bowl thumps]

Yeah, I thought
that was the past.

No, it's just--
it might be too soon.

Well, what am I gonna steal--
your old waders?

[Laughs] There's nothing
up there to sell, right?

Oh, wait.
There's that ten-year-old TV.

Hey, man, you know, just give
yourself a couple of weeks.

Like, maybe settle in,
see how things go, and--

- Who asked you, Mike?
- Hey, hey, knock it off.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wow.

It's not unreasonable.

Oh, I forgot how reasonable
everyone around here is.

My bad.

Oh, no one is out
to hurt you, sweetheart.

No one's out to help me either.

Oh, yeah. Dad footing
the $20,000 rehab bill

- wasn't help enough.
- Fuck off, Mike.

- Hey, hey, come on.
- Hey, easy.

Robbie, everyone here has done
nothing but try to help you,

- so...
- I'm gonna pay him back.

So don't you worry
about it, okay?

Well, that's not the point,
Robbie, and you know it.

Ahhhh!

Okay.
All right.

- Robbie, sit.
- You gonna go?

Oh, honey.
It's okay.

Mom, thank you for dinner.

Oh, honey,
I wish you would stay.

Oscar and Nate,
catch you punks later.

Nice meeting you, Fiona.

[Door closes]
Nice.

Are you serious?

I'm sorry.

My brother--
he's got some issues

to work out.

Family chaos is my status quo.

- Pass the potatoes?
- Careful, it's heavy.

[Indistinct conversation]

Now we got to pay
to take a leak?

There's always the alley,

if you don't mind freezing
your nuts off.

We're already dishing out more
for booze.

- Our piss should be free.
- It's a quarter.

Consider it payback
for the tips you don't leave.

How hard up
is this place, anyway?

Hey, you're lucky
I don't charge you people

for toilet paper.

You use too much.

All you need is three sheets--

one up, one down,
one to polish.

What are you polishing?

Never mind, watch the bar.
I got to go puke.

Can you please aim
for the drain this time?

Why doesn't she have to pay?

Employees puke for free.

I like fucking carrot-tops,

like, with the freckles

and the pale skin
and fucking alien-looking.

Well, you might be in luck.

Why don't you buy her
a beverage?

I don't need to.

Hey, you want to bang?

- Do I look busy?
- Listen up!

I got oxy, Vicodin, Percocet,
Xanax, Adderall,

morphine, and Valium--

5 bucks a pill,
less if you buy in bulk.

Seems kind of steep, don't it?

Not if I want to buy myself
a hospital-grade pump.

I need something
with strong suction.

These puppies got to feed four.

Four?

What, Carol can't feed her own?

You mean the one
we asked her to abort?

I'll let you know when she
starts speaking to me again.

Give me four Xanies
and a Valium,

glass of water, huh?

26 bucks.

5 pills at $5 is $25.

Water's a buck.

Yeah.
[Grunting]

Oh, I'm gonna come.
Yeah, yeah!

[Grunting]

[Laughs]
Mmm.

Done.
[Laughs]

Whoo!
You want to finish?

Switch positions.

What?

Just do it.

Grab my hips.
Pound my ass.

With what?

Your fucking hip bones.
Jesus.

Yeah, huh?
You like it like that?

Yeah? You like it like that?
Huh? Huh? Oh, yeah.

[Humming]

Evening, spawn.

Where's the blender?

It's right--
it's right here, Frank.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, no.

Don't do that, Frank.
[Blender whirring]

[Whirring stops]

No, no.
No, don't do it.

[Slurps]

Oh, Jesus.

And I keep getting pictures
of men

in their underpants
with bulges.

I-I have no idea
what DTF meant.

Holly says it a lot.
I'm not sure what it stands for.

[Phone rings]

Hey, kid.

How's higher learning?

Well, I'm not high,
but I might be learning.

- Sounds like progress.
- Hi, Lip.

- Debbie says hi. She's--
- Hi.

- She's doing homework.
- Oh, yeah? What class?

Uh, chemistry--
Mr. Lister.

Holy shit.
The guy with the oxygen tank?

- He's still alive?
- Barely.

And Carl would say hi,
but he's getting his dog drunk.

Wait, Carl has a dog?

Yeah, just some stray
he brought home.

Um, hey, listen,
are you guys using the laptop?

I kind of need it for class.

Well, Debbie uses it
for school,

and Carl uses it for porn.

Uh, can you borrow one
from over there?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

No-- no problem.

Hey, you okay?

Uh...

I could be better.
You know, it's--

I'm-- I'm a little--
It's--

Different?

Different, yeah.

Yeah, you too?

God, yes.
Come on.

I put on pencil skirts
every morning,

and I'm like,
"Who are you?"

Sounds like progress.

Yeah, the Gallaghers moving up
the food chain.

Yeah, one rusty link at a time.

Whoo!
[Laughter]

Aw, you're missing your party.

Oh, no, no, no.
It's-- it's okay.

No, no.
Go have fun.

We miss you.

All:
We miss you!

Well, o--

- Come on.
- I'm sorry.

- [Both grunting]
- I'm sorry.

I'm falling off
the bed right now.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

[Indistinct chatter]

Hey.

So I invited my brother out
to dinner with us tonight.

I feel so bad about what
happened last night, so...

Well, seems like you guys have
some stuff you need to work out.

Yeah, yeah.

He just pushes my buttons,
you know?

I got to find
a different way to react.

Right.

Why not have your dad throw
another 20 grand

at his problems
and hope they go away?

Ouch.

[Laughs] Dude, my house isn't
even worth that much.

Okay, well,
what's the alternative--

I just slam the door on him?

Why not?

He's family.

You know, this one time,

I was getting the crap kicked
out of me, okay?

Robbie sees it, storms over,

he grabs both these kids
by the hair,

hurls them into a snowbank...

[Clicks tongue]
knocks 'em senseless.

- [Chuckles] Jesus.
- [Laughs] I know.

Yeah, he was my protector
for years, you know?

I don't mind being his
for a while.

Hey, um, listen,

I need to take off
a little early today.

I was up all night working
on my philosophy paper,

and I didn't get to crack
one book for my lit exam.

Denied.

Um...

Look, I didn't
get a scholarship

so that I could shovel
hash browns

into the mouths
of entitled undergrads.

- [Laughs]
- All right?

No, no, no.
Seriously, I need to study.

No, man, I feel for you.
I really do.

I know how hard it is juggling
classes and work.

I see other kids struggling
with it all the time,

but they get there.

Yeah, how?

Three words--

time-management skills.

It's about planning.

I used to be all over the place,

- just like you, Phil.
- Lip.

And then I took a webinar
on increasing productivity,

and it changed my life.

Okay, see, I don't need
a webinar.

I need an extra 30 minutes
to study for lit.

I'm sorry, man.
I can't help you.

[All cheering]

You got this, baby.

You got this.

Whoo!

Both: Ooh.

Bear down, baby.
Bear down.

This ref is a nightmare.

If he had another eye,
he'd be a cyclops.

[Laughs]

I thought dodgeball
didn't even have refs.

They need 'em--
multiple outs.

The big kids gang up
on the weaker ones.

Yo, ref, you're missing
a great game out there.

Yeah, where's your
seeing eye dog?

Breathe through
the pain, Chuckie.

Cry on the inside.

You're okay, baby.

Boy, that kid can take
a beating.

Tough as a $2 steak.

[Laughs]

I don't know why, Frank,
but I feel like

I've known you my entire life.

Um, my first husband
was an addict.

So, if you're
into substance abuse,

tell me right now, 'cause
I can't go through that again.

Completely legal,

doctor-sanctioned
pain management.

- You're in pain?
- Not when I'm baked.

What hurts?

I have this liver condition.

How bad?

Pretty much kicked.

They say I need a new one.

You mean a-a transplant?

All: - Oh!
- Oh, oh, oh.

Whoo!

That's what the folks
with the fancy degrees

keep telling me.

Oh, Frank...

I'm so sorry.

[Rock music]

Whoo!

♪ ♪

Hi.

Oh, wow.

More?

Do you mind taking them
upstairs?

Because Roger Running Tree
is coming here any second.

I think he's sensitive
to animal urine

and-- and Toddler.

Put 'em on your beds and stuff.

- More dogs?
- Nobody claimed the first one.

Maybe they were trying
to get rid of them.

Where-- where are you going?

Holly's having
a sleepover party.

Really? Because Fiona
didn't tell me about that.

- She must've forgot.
- Oh, okay.

Well, have so much fun.
[Knock at door]

Um, just a-- just a second.

[Knock at door]

Just one second.
Just a second.

Coming.

Hi. Hi.

You must be Roger.
Come in.

Sheila.

Wow.

You're even foxier in person.

Oh, that's so sweet.

They're--
gosh, they're beautiful.

Um, would you-- would you like
to take your coat off

and have a nice glass
of chilled sparkling wine?

I left my guitar in the Honda.

I wasn't sure
if you'd be interested

in a little strum-down.

I can just run right back out
and fetch it.

Yes.
Yes, I would.

I would be very interested
in a strum-down.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

[Sighs]

Oh, Mikey, they have
single-malt flights.

Glenkinchie, Lagavulin...

No. No, no, no,
not tonight.

Come on, get it, so I can
drink vicariously through you.

[Laughs]
No, man.

Seriously, I'm totally fine
not drinking tonight.

Oh, okay. Yeah, he'll take
a scotch flight.

God damn it.

Uh, and a bottle of--

Fiona, you like red or white?

I'm not picky.

Okay, let's--
let's do the 2008 Jordan.

Well, I can't really drink
a whole bottle by myself.

No.
Mike will lend a hand.

Little bro-ski can't pass up
a silky cab, can he?

So how'd you guys
start getting it on?

Uh, well,
he invited me camping...

- Uh-huh.
- Knowing I had a boyfriend.

She makes me do crazy things.

So I went.

And then I got him drunk

- and almost fucked him in a tent.
- [Laughs]

- What?
- Yeah, true story.

She jumped me.

Well, I'm not proud.

Well, you did this
to your boss.

I can get a little wild.

[Coughs]
A little?

I've calmed down...
recently.

[Chuckles]

Somehow, I find that
hard to believe.

Thank you.

- The salmon looks yummy.
- Yeah?

- One, two, three...
- One, two, three...

Oh, God!

- [Laughs]
- Oh, fuck.

You did real good tonight,
kiddo-- I'm proud of you.

It takes a tough little bastard
to take a beating

and not puke his guts out.

I did puke.

Actually, he did, third period.

Well, there's no shame
in that, my friends.

This is us.

Well, thank you
for an excellent evening.

Would you like to come in
for a nightcap?

Ah, what the heck?

[Laughs]
Thanks.

- [Laughs] You got it?
- Got to get my wits about me.

Hey, no TV.
School tomorrow-- bedtime.

- Huh?
- No!

- Oh, come on. Go, go, go.
- Oh, come on, bruiser.

Where are--
where are your PJs?

I don't like PJs.

- Well, what do you wear to bed?
- Nothing.

Maybe tonight
you could wear that.

In you go.

You need anything--
water, cocoa?

Your breath smells like
dog poo.

Night, Chuckles.

[Exhales deeply]

Cranberry juice.

Ooh.

Supposed to be, uh, good
for the liver.

Thanks.

You are so good with him.

He's a good one.

[Laughs]
Yeah.

Frank, what's your blood type?

Um...

O positive.
Why?

That's my blood type.

Really?

What a coincidence.

I want...

to give you my liver.

What?
No.

It's just a lobe, right?
It's not the whole thing.

I'm not gonna, like, die
without it or anything.

But we-- we barely know
each other.

I know enough to know you...

have a beautiful heart.

That's just...

Wow.

Hey, look, you get to live.

I'll still have plenty
of liver left over.

What's the downside?

Well, the surgery's no walk
in the park.

[Chuckles] Oh, I have
been sliced into more times

than a side of beef.

Here...

Appendectomy, C-section,

hernia, spleen,
accidental surgery,

second surgery to fix that one.

[Laughs] - Look. I mean, look.
- Okay, yeah, yeah.

All right, I get--
put it down.

- And a gentleman too?
- [Laughs]

Frank, I think I'm smitten.

Oh, no, jeez, no.

Oh. Sh--
[Laughs]

[Grunting]
No-- this-- okay, listen...

Shh. You feel it too.

- Okay, gen--
- I know it.

Generally speaking, I don't
like to move this fast.

- Me neither.
- Okay.

I don't know what's got
into me.

Stop. No. Okay.

No, no. Okay.

Ow. Ow.

Sorry.

- Pain.
- You okay?

Excuse me.

♪ What started
as a friendship ♪

♪ has grown stronger ♪

What is he singing?

♪ I only wish I had
the strength to let it flow ♪

I Can't Fight This Feeling,
by REO Speedwagon.

You tell her what I'm doing.
You know what I'm doing.

It's sort of his go-to song
when he's feeling earnest.

- I sing more songs.
- Aw. Are you feeling earnest?

Are you having
an earnest moment?

- ♪ Give my life direction ♪
- [Laughs]

♪ You make everything
so clear ♪

[Smooches]

Wine and scotch--

that's gonna be a hell
of a hangover.

- Are you feeling guilty?
- Nah.

It's great to see him
cut loose like that.

- He works his ass off.
- Yeah, he does.

- And he's good at it.
- Yeah.

It's corny,
but I'm proud of him.

He kicks up a fury
all week at the family firm,

then settles
down Friday afternoon

to a delicious foamy beer
and some lame TV.

And that's enough for him.

Should be enough for anybody.

Not me.
Tried it once.

Worked for the cups one summer.

Showed up to that office

every day with my button-down
and my shiny shoes.

Nearly lost my mind.

Why?

Well, life
throws challenges at us

to see what
we're made of, right?

Yeah, apparently, I'm made
of bourbon and blow.

Yeah. A necktie can't hold
that in very long.

But you're clean now.

Sure.
Till I'm not.

[Chuckles]
I'm the worst kind of addict.

I'm addicted
to the rush of life.

Which is primarily booze
and drugs?

When it's good,

man, you're laughing a lot,

you're screwing a lot.

The world, like, glimmers
with promise.

And when it's bad,
there is no getting out.

And you think that feeling alone
would make you stop,

but it never does.

But knowing you're hurting
people, isn't that worse?

It should be...

but, no, it isn't.

We're all addicts, Fiona,
just trying to fill a void.

Some of us are just better
at hiding it, right?

[Laughing]
Uh-oh.

"Uh-oh," what?

He's back.

♪ Let's bring this ship
back into shore ♪

♪ and throw away
the oars forever ♪

You know,
I really love making dinner.

Someday I'm gonna learn
how to really do it,

like, go
to culinary school even.

Oh, what'd you want to drink
with your scampi?

Uh, whatever you're having.

Mountain Dew it is.

You know, Eraserhead
might be my favorite movie

of all time.

It's like this atmospheric,

horrific dreamscape--

um...

uh...

Does this make you cray?

U-um...

Um-- uh, Debbie?

Um...

Am I doing it wrong?

No.
No, no, no.

It's not-- it's just, like,
we don't have to do this.

It's okay. I don't have
to go home tonight.

I told them
I'd be at a sleepover.

No, it's not-- no, no, no.
I'm-- I'm-- It's me.

I'm not-- It's a lot of things.

I'm just really stressed out
at work right now,

and my mom called.

She said that
the family cat's sick, so...

Oh, no.
[Laughs]

Yeah, it's just--
it's awkward timing, is all.

Um...

okay.
[Chuckles awkwardly]

But you look beautiful, though.

Thank you.

Scampi looks delicious.

Thanks.

Uh, here...

here, let's do this.

There.

Okay. You ready?

Prepare your mind to be blown.

[Both chuckle]

[Dramatic music plays on TV]

[Guitar music playing]

♪ Bless the beasts
and the children ♪

♪ for the world can never be ♪

♪ the world they see ♪

[Door opens]

[Door slams]

Oh, oh.

Roger, this is Carl.

He lives here.

Pleased to meet you.
[Dog barks]

Yeah.

Do you know
Sympathy For The Devil?

I tried to get your drugs,

but V has her cabinet
locked up,

and she's making me
buy them now.

I kidnapped these dogs,
holding them for ransom.

It's not working.

Don't-- don't sweat it.

I may have found a liver.

Really? Where?

Your older sister Sammi.

[Chuckles]
She's really something.

Good night.

Good night.

All right. Okay.

Here we go.
Almost there, brother.

- Oh! Okay.
- Almost there.

- Come on. Here we go.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- There you go.
- Okay.

- All right.
- Okay, there you are.

- [Vomits]
- Okay. Oh, hey!

- You made it.
- Oh, no.

- There you go.
- Oh, no.

Okay.

Oh, God.

- There's water.
- Okay.

Right by your right hand.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

I've never seen him like that.

He rarely drinks that much.

Last time was
when Eve left him.

- His ex.
- Wife, yeah.

[Sighs] I haven't heard
much about her.

Well, she nearly killed him.

He thought it was his fault.
It wasn't.

You think he passed out?

One would hope.

And what about you?

What about me?

Are you
the sticking-around type

or the screwing-around type?

Oh, sorry.
[Laughs]

We've only been going out
a couple months.

Well, you can't blame me
for being protective.

He seems to really dig you.

Well, feeling's mutual.

And he's, like,
a "jazillion" times more sane

than my last one, so I'm happy.

Are you?

Yeah.

Okay.

What?

Nothing.

- You want some coffee?
- Yes, please.

I think this wine went
to my head a little.

Oh, it's not shade-grown.
Hope you can handle that.

Oh, yeah, well,
I usually only drink organic,

- you know, fair trade.
- Yeah.

[Indie rock music]

♪ ♪

[Sighs happily]

[Groaning]

Hi.

[Sighs]
It's early.

Jesus.
Sorry about that.

- What?
- The hickey.

I didn't mean to get rough
with you last night.

Oh. [Chuckles]
That's okay. I barely felt it.

Mm.

I'm-- I'm gonna get home
for a while

- and check on the kids.
- Mm-hmm.

Will I see you at work later?

Uh...

I'm not sure. I don't know.
I might call in sick.

- Here, you want me to drive you?
- [Chuckles] No.

I don't think
you'd pass a breathalyzer.

[Laughs]

Okay, well, take my car, okay?

No, I just--
I'll just take the El.

- Call you in an hour?
- Mm-hmm.

- See how you're doing?
- Mm-hmm.

[Smooches]
Okay.

Thanks, baby.
You're the best.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ you want to know
where I've been ♪

♪ ♪

♪ and when the time is right,
I hope you'll understand ♪

♪ and when the time is right,
I can ♪

♪ you want to know
where I've been ♪

♪ ♪

Morning.
How'd it go last night?

Did Sheila force Kerplunk
on you?

[Door closes]

I know, I know.
Two nights this week at Mike's.

I'm sorry.

I won't be going over there
again for a while.

I didn't even know
you were gone.

- What's wrong with your neck?
- Weird rash.

[Scoffs]
It's mouth-shaped.

We got our papers back today.

That quick? You just turned
it in yesterday.

Yeah, that guy's a machine.
Who knows if he even reads them?

I'm just glad I finished it.

[Laughs] Well, congrats, man.
[Alarms beep]

And, hey, thanks.

You know,
I really appreciate you

letting me use your computer.

You saved my ass.

Christ, another flash mob.

[Alarms beep]

[Indistinct chatter]

You all did terrific on these.

Please use them

to study for your midterm
on Tuesday.

Thank you.

_

[AA Bondy's Skull And Bones]

♪ ♪

[Clears throat]

♪ in the wheat ♪

♪ I heard you sigh ♪
[Line trilling]

♪ I don't know... ♪

- Morning, sunshine.
- Hey.

Uh, I'm just about to head
to the office.

What should I tell people?

Oh, that you fucked my brother
last night on the counter

while I laid in a puddle
of vomit.

Why do you have Mike's phone?

It's on the counter.
I saw you calling.

Felt compelled to say howdy.

No. Why are you there?

Relax.

I just came over to get
the snowblower keys for pop.

- Is he there?
- Who-- pop?

Mike.

Sleeping like a baby.

Looks like you're flying solo
for lunch today.

I'm not telling him,
ever, okay?

We're taking this to our graves.
This did not happen.

Oh, yes, it did.

And it's gonna happen again...

very soon, addict.

♪ whiter the whale ♪

♪ nothing is wrong ♪

♪ I cannot be here today ♪

♪ I will not be ♪

♪ skull and bones ♪

♪ taking the fear ♪

[Door opens]

You assholes actually
cost me money.

[Dog yelps]

Be free.
Run wild.

Go.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com