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1
00:00:04,008 --> 00:00:05,088
Honey, talk for me, please.
2
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,024
Hi.
3
00:00:07,024 --> 00:00:09,044
Honey, talk like you're
going to talk.
4
00:00:09,044 --> 00:00:11,092
IN NEW JERSEY ACCENT: I am talking
like I'm going to talk!
5
00:00:11,092 --> 00:00:14,088
Why did you get all Jersey on me?
6
00:00:14,088 --> 00:00:17,020
OK. What we doing?
7
00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:18,024
BEEP
8
00:00:18,024 --> 00:00:20,052
♪ I was living my life just like you
9
00:00:20,052 --> 00:00:22,092
♪ Then Miss Rona hit and said
Stay home, Boo
10
00:00:22,092 --> 00:00:25,084
♪ With my hubby, my daughter
And two little dogs
11
00:00:25,084 --> 00:00:28,004
♪ Washing my hands
and sterilising knobs
12
00:00:28,004 --> 00:00:30,060
♪ Facetiming friends
Doing TikToks for fun
13
00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,020
♪ Let's check in with
each other... ♪
14
00:00:36,088 --> 00:00:40,084
HE CHANTS
15
00:00:44,052 --> 00:00:45,096
I don't know why I'm crying.
16
00:00:45,096 --> 00:00:47,008
Really?
17
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:51,088
What is happening?!
18
00:00:54,048 --> 00:00:56,008
All right.
19
00:00:56,008 --> 00:00:58,028
I'm ready. Bravo, bravo!
20
00:00:58,028 --> 00:01:02,048
You know, when this thing started,
this lockdown thing,
21
00:01:02,048 --> 00:01:04,040
I was definitely like,
this is the time
22
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,040
I'm going to learn another language.
23
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,004
I'm going to clean my entire house.
24
00:01:08,004 --> 00:01:10,088
I am going to lose so much weight.
25
00:01:10,088 --> 00:01:14,044
Three months in, I don't want
to do a bloody burpee.
26
00:01:14,044 --> 00:01:16,052
I don't want to do
a mountain climber.
27
00:01:16,052 --> 00:01:19,000
I just have lots of energy,
I'm putting it in the wrong places.
28
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,028
I am mopping the floor with slippers
with mops on the bottom of it.
29
00:01:22,028 --> 00:01:26,040
I am organising things, I have
labelled everything in my kitchen.
30
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,092
She labelled the butter dish.
31
00:01:27,092 --> 00:01:29,048
And a fucking onion.
32
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,088
Hi, why did you label the butter?
33
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:35,028
And then a couple of days ago,
I actually think I hit my low point.
34
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,008
Holy shit! She's pruning!
35
00:01:37,008 --> 00:01:40,096
Anything but dealing with the things
that we should be doing
36
00:01:40,096 --> 00:01:45,060
and I just look at myself and say,
"What the fuck are you doing?"
37
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:47,080
This week, if we do it together,
38
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:52,004
maybe we can accomplish an inkling
of what we want to, right?
39
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:53,076
We can do this.
40
00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:54,080
SHE CHUCKLES
41
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,020
♪ How's your head, hun? ♪
42
00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:58,032
But first...
43
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:05,000
For today's snack,
it is a heartland treat.
44
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,052
Living in an apartment or flat,
45
00:02:06,052 --> 00:02:09,080
you don't have fireplaces,
you don't even have grills,
46
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:13,036
so this is how we make an
indoor kitchen s'more.
47
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:18,064
Like this. Take a fork.
48
00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:20,084
That's a knife.
I was just testing you.
49
00:02:20,084 --> 00:02:25,080
You could do it over a candle or, if
you have gas, you do it like this.
50
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:29,048
It depends, of course, how well-done
you like your marshmallows.
51
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:31,056
If I know Lola,
she's going to burn them.
52
00:02:31,056 --> 00:02:32,088
Yes, just like her mummy.
53
00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:34,084
Burn, burn, burn.
54
00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:35,088
Now...
55
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,084
When you get it to where
you want it...
56
00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:40,040
Are you done? Hm-mm. OK.
57
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,012
We have Graham crackers
here, with chocolate.
58
00:02:43,012 --> 00:02:44,052
Lola, put yours on.
59
00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:48,032
And that is your kitchen s'mores.
60
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,024
How is it?
61
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:58,016
It's good.
62
00:03:02,064 --> 00:03:04,068
Who do you want, buddy? What's up?
63
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:07,060
You are so wet and
you smell like wet dog.
64
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:09,092
It's news time and
you know what happens.
65
00:03:09,092 --> 00:03:14,000
My husband picks us the stories that
he thinks I should talk about -
66
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:18,028
and if you understood what I said
just now, you get a point.
67
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:21,000
Cos I slurred as if I was
intoxicated.
68
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,008
Are we ready?
69
00:03:22,008 --> 00:03:23,060
We're ready. Here we go.
70
00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:26,052
This black bear named Takoda
is a great reminder
71
00:03:26,052 --> 00:03:28,000
that when we get stressed,
72
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,080
the answer to feeling better is
always a bath.
73
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:34,040
Oh! Look at Takoda!
74
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:38,020
Takoda is living its best life.
75
00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:40,024
Can we get a bear?
76
00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:41,084
What?
77
00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:47,052
There is so much joy in animals,
that's why they make me so happy.
78
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:50,048
I want you all to take a bath the
way Takoda took a bath.
79
00:03:50,048 --> 00:03:52,000
It will be very messy afterwards,
80
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,080
but while you're doing it,
it'll be fun.
81
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,032
Ready for the next one? Yes.
82
00:03:55,032 --> 00:03:59,056
Police in West Cornwall
discovered a huge willy... Oh!
83
00:03:59,056 --> 00:04:01,016
..ploughed into a... Ploughed?!
84
00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:03,012
Hold on. A huge willy
ploughed where?
85
00:04:03,012 --> 00:04:04,076
Would you... Let me finish! OK.
86
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:07,072
Ploughed into a farmer's field...
87
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:09,092
THEY LAUGH
88
00:04:09,092 --> 00:04:13,008
Well, at least someone is using
their time in lockdown wisely.
89
00:04:13,008 --> 00:04:15,044
I think that is so brilliant.
90
00:04:15,044 --> 00:04:16,096
Creating a crop cock.
91
00:04:16,096 --> 00:04:18,068
A crop cock!
92
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:21,048
Oh, my goodness. A weed willy!
93
00:04:21,048 --> 00:04:23,008
Oh, my God, I love that.
94
00:04:23,008 --> 00:04:24,012
Moving on.
95
00:04:24,012 --> 00:04:27,012
Christian Varley from
the Isle of Man
96
00:04:27,012 --> 00:04:32,060
ran 19 marathons in 19 days to raise
money for coronavirus relief.
97
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:35,016
That's 26.2 miles every day.
98
00:04:35,016 --> 00:04:38,044
Could you imagine what their
inner thighs look like?
99
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:40,064
But just get up and do it again.
Yeah.
100
00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:42,056
Put some butter on it and go.
101
00:04:42,056 --> 00:04:46,020
But, obviously, they trained a lot
and this is something that they do.
102
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,016
But how impressive and how
wonderful.
103
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:52,004
Finally, according to a BBC article,
the UK's top shopping searches
104
00:04:52,004 --> 00:04:55,052
in March and April included free
weights, hair dye - Uh-huh! -
105
00:04:55,052 --> 00:04:59,084
and women's lingerie with
2.1 million searches.
106
00:04:59,084 --> 00:05:01,088
I wonder why lingerie
popped up there?
107
00:05:01,088 --> 00:05:03,068
Do you need to even get dressed up?
108
00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:04,096
Yes, you should get some.
109
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,036
No, it's such a waste of time.
110
00:05:07,036 --> 00:05:09,040
Yeah, but it's part of the whole...
111
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,024
Just roll me over. ..package.
112
00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:12,076
Stick it in.
113
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,016
You're welcome. Yeah.
114
00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:24,092
Today's guest is a comedian.
115
00:05:24,092 --> 00:05:26,092
He is naughty. He is Northern.
116
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:30,048
He makes all women go weak at the
knees, but most importantly,
117
00:05:30,048 --> 00:05:31,064
he's my friend.
118
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,056
Please, welcome Keith Lemon!
119
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:35,064
Hey! Hello.
120
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:37,028
HONK!
121
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,012
I've never seen that trick before.
122
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:43,016
HONK!
123
00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:44,092
That's good, Keith!
HONK!
124
00:05:44,092 --> 00:05:46,028
HE HONKS
125
00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:49,028
It's the sound of a Victorian
bicycle bell - HONK!
126
00:05:49,028 --> 00:05:52,024
Or the sound of
comedy boobs - HONK!
127
00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:54,028
HE HONKS
128
00:05:54,028 --> 00:05:57,004
Oh, there's always one bigger than
the other, isn't there?
129
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:58,052
Always.
130
00:05:58,052 --> 00:05:59,072
That one's broke.
131
00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:03,020
So, Keith, how's your head, hun?
132
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,032
It's falling to bits,
133
00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:07,008
but I'm sticking it together with
masking tape and such.
134
00:06:07,008 --> 00:06:09,096
Over here in England, we've had
pretty good weather during lockdown,
135
00:06:09,096 --> 00:06:11,012
so that's been nice.
136
00:06:11,012 --> 00:06:13,040
Now, I know that you love to imbibe.
137
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,096
What has been your quarantine
drink of choice, Keith?
138
00:06:16,096 --> 00:06:18,000
Budweiser.
139
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,020
Which I call alcoholic water.
140
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:21,024
Really?
141
00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:22,096
I'm not very exotic, am I?
142
00:06:22,096 --> 00:06:24,056
Are you a Guinness man?
143
00:06:24,056 --> 00:06:25,084
No, I don't like Guinness.
144
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,000
Do you not?
145
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,052
It's like... No, it's like gravy.
146
00:06:28,052 --> 00:06:32,028
It's like... It's like some
sort of weird soup.
147
00:06:33,028 --> 00:06:35,020
I won't do that stuff.
148
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,084
Tell me what Keith Lemon
was like as a wee baby.
149
00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:40,012
Up until I was four,
I was a little bit naughty,
150
00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:42,008
until I discovered Star Wars figures
151
00:06:42,008 --> 00:06:45,028
and then I was focused on
Star Wars figures so much.
152
00:06:45,028 --> 00:06:48,052
I remember one of my friends
getting into Transformers and
153
00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:52,020
me falling out, going, "So you're
not playing Star Wars any more?"
154
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:55,060
He went, "No." And I went,
"Get out. Get out my garden.
155
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:57,084
"I don't want to talk to no
Transformers boy."
156
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,016
Yeah.
157
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:02,056
So, Keith, crafting, besides
your fabulous show,
158
00:07:02,056 --> 00:07:05,076
which is Fantastical Factory Of
Curious Craft with your mum...
159
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:07,084
Which, when we filmed
the first episode,
160
00:07:07,084 --> 00:07:09,068
I couldn't even remember the title.
161
00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:11,084
And I go, "Hello, welcome to the...
162
00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:13,008
"What's it called again?
163
00:07:14,056 --> 00:07:16,012
"Can we make this title short?
164
00:07:16,012 --> 00:07:17,096
"Can't it be called
The Craft Factory?"
165
00:07:17,096 --> 00:07:19,016
Oh, I like that.
166
00:07:19,016 --> 00:07:22,060
Crafting's kind of having a moment
during lockdown, don't you think?
167
00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:25,012
I think it's lovely that you
have a pile of nothing
168
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,060
and turn it into something.
169
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:29,040
I've just learnt how to use a sewing
machine in lockdown.
170
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,076
Seriously?
171
00:07:30,076 --> 00:07:33,004
And I made me a mask, actually.
Let me see.
172
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,048
I thought it'd be nice
to look like Brad Pitt,
173
00:07:35,048 --> 00:07:38,072
so I printed Brad Pitt on one.
174
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:41,008
The... It's... I don't look
like Brad Pitt, do I?
175
00:07:41,008 --> 00:07:42,076
And I made this one.
176
00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:45,000
It's Teen Wolf.
177
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,068
Oh, of course you did.
178
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:48,036
I look like
Planet Of The Apes, don't I?
179
00:07:48,036 --> 00:07:49,088
SHE LAUGHS
180
00:07:49,088 --> 00:07:51,096
Cornelius! Yeah. Cornelius!
181
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,084
I knew it was you!
182
00:07:53,084 --> 00:07:56,040
It's battered. Where are you going?
All right, let me see.
183
00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:01,016
THEY LAUGH
184
00:08:01,016 --> 00:08:04,008
See, there is nothing you can't do,
Keith Lemon.
185
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:06,008
You're unbelievable.
Oh, I can't do any sports.
186
00:08:06,008 --> 00:08:08,000
What, you can't... What, sports?
187
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,032
MIMICS MICHELLE: Sports?
I don't do sports!
188
00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:13,084
I know my accent sometimes goes
over your head, doesn't it? But...
189
00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:16,028
No. We connect telepathically
anyway.
190
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,044
Yeah, listen, I get your
Leeds accent. I got you.
191
00:08:19,044 --> 00:08:21,072
You want to test me on my accent
knowledge?
192
00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,000
All right, OK.
193
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,004
Hey, what have I told you, lar?
194
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,024
Come back down here cos I'm
going to be late for work!
195
00:08:28,024 --> 00:08:29,064
That's Liverpool.
196
00:08:29,064 --> 00:08:31,008
What give it away? The...
HE HISSES
197
00:08:31,008 --> 00:08:32,028
Yes.
198
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:34,076
I love trees! I love to hug them!
199
00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:36,092
It really makes me feel good.
200
00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:38,064
I think that's Scottish.
201
00:08:38,064 --> 00:08:41,048
Yeah, it's kind of Billy Connolly,
isn't it? Yeah.
202
00:08:41,048 --> 00:08:43,064
BAGPIPES PLAY
203
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,080
I love trees!
204
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,044
I don't get them, but I love them!
205
00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:55,072
That... That was fantastic!
That was really, really great. OK.
206
00:08:55,072 --> 00:08:57,088
So, you know about
Chubby Bunny, right?
207
00:08:57,088 --> 00:08:59,020
Have you got marshmallows?
208
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,080
That's all we've got left.
209
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,048
Oh, my God, they're
only wee. OK, listen.
210
00:09:02,048 --> 00:09:05,008
My one is the size of your two.
211
00:09:05,008 --> 00:09:06,096
We're going to shove
them in our mouths
212
00:09:06,096 --> 00:09:09,020
and then each one we have to say,
"Chubby Bunny."
213
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:11,004
OK. One...
214
00:09:12,048 --> 00:09:14,008
MUFFLED: Oh, my God!
215
00:09:14,008 --> 00:09:16,012
Chubby Bunny.
216
00:09:16,012 --> 00:09:18,048
Chubby Bunny. I just look like
I've got an abscess.
217
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:21,004
SHE LAUGHS
218
00:09:21,004 --> 00:09:22,012
Two more.
219
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:28,004
Chubby Bunny.
220
00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:30,012
Chubby Bunny.
221
00:09:30,012 --> 00:09:31,072
Look at...
222
00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:33,012
THEY LAUGH
223
00:09:34,068 --> 00:09:36,024
That two more?
224
00:09:36,024 --> 00:09:38,012
Chubby Bunny.
225
00:09:40,016 --> 00:09:41,088
IN A BUMPKIN ACCENT:
That was two there,
226
00:09:41,088 --> 00:09:43,080
coming down here.
I said, "Get outta here!
227
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,012
"You don't belong here!"
228
00:09:45,012 --> 00:09:47,024
SHE LAUGHS
229
00:09:47,024 --> 00:09:49,076
You can't come around
here with that shit!
230
00:09:49,076 --> 00:09:51,052
SHE LAUGHS
231
00:09:51,052 --> 00:09:52,080
I can't!
232
00:09:54,080 --> 00:10:00,024
MUFFLED: Chubby Bunny.
THEY LAUGH
233
00:10:00,024 --> 00:10:01,072
I'm just going to eat them.
234
00:10:01,072 --> 00:10:02,084
We are children!
235
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:04,004
Thank you, Keith Lemon.
236
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,096
Mm! Oh, bless you.
237
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,076
Perfume genius.
238
00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:18,084
You can create your own scent
239
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:22,044
by mixing your perfumes
at home, or colognes.
240
00:10:22,044 --> 00:10:24,080
I'm absolutely obsessed with it
241
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,084
and all the magical things
that you can do
242
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:30,036
with the art of fragrancing.
243
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,096
I have my own scent.
244
00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:35,088
I made it with my
wizard wand and my brain.
245
00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:40,008
This perfume smells like you're just
laying in a bunch of Gardenias.
246
00:10:40,008 --> 00:10:42,060
So you put a darker scent on,
247
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,016
and oudier scent...
248
00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:47,016
Honey, what exactly does oud mean?
249
00:10:47,016 --> 00:10:48,068
Good question, student.
250
00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:50,000
It's from wood.
251
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,072
And then you go...
252
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,088
Let it dry for a minute.
253
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:58,012
Do you like the way this...I smell?
254
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,040
Yeah, surprisingly.
255
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,072
You do?! Yeah, but...
You like this one?!
256
00:11:07,048 --> 00:11:08,064
Sm... What?
257
00:11:08,064 --> 00:11:10,052
Usually you smell like an old woman.
258
00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:14,048
So have fun, get your perfume on,
be a fragrance mixologist
259
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,020
and you're welcome.
260
00:11:17,096 --> 00:11:20,060
David, you could see yourself in
my shot the entire time.
261
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:21,072
No, I can't... Oh!
262
00:11:21,072 --> 00:11:24,012
This is black lacquer.
Ah, yep, yep. I can. Sorry.
263
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,008
One thing I told myself I was going
to do during quarantine
264
00:11:29,008 --> 00:11:31,004
was learn a language,
and I chose Italian.
265
00:11:31,004 --> 00:11:34,044
GIO!
266
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:39,068
I don't miss you at all.
SHE LAUGHS
267
00:11:39,068 --> 00:11:42,052
Who better to learn my Italian
from than my partner Giovanni,
268
00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:43,084
who's from Sicily?
269
00:11:43,084 --> 00:11:46,016
The first thing, I think the first
week I said,
270
00:11:46,016 --> 00:11:48,048
"Can you teach me Italian while you
teach me how to dance?"
271
00:11:48,048 --> 00:11:50,080
And you said... No. Right.
272
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,036
No, I was too busy already
teaching you how to dance.
273
00:11:53,036 --> 00:11:57,092
That was enough, that was enough.
Trust me, that was enough.
274
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:01,044
Shall we do it? Yeah.
Are you going to be a good student?
275
00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:04,000
I'm... Giovanni!
276
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,024
I'm always a good... Not like when
I was teaching you how to dance.
277
00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:13,040
I was a... No, I'm actually...
You were perfect. Thank you.
278
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,032
Come si dice, "Take your shirt off"?
279
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:23,080
You don't need to say anything,
you just have to do it.
280
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,056
Yeah!
281
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:29,008
For all the ladies and the fellas
out there, thank you, Giovanni!
282
00:12:29,008 --> 00:12:35,016
All right. I'm ready. Bravo, bravo!
OK, tell me how to say...
283
00:12:35,016 --> 00:12:37,088
Let me put something else on.
OK, go. I feel naked.
284
00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:40,048
Go put something else on. You really
don't need to, but go ahead.
285
00:12:40,048 --> 00:12:41,096
This is actually better. Yeah, I do.
286
00:12:41,096 --> 00:12:45,028
Did you go jogging in that? Yeah,
no, that's my pyjama, that's...
287
00:12:45,028 --> 00:12:49,088
That's your pyjamas? Let's say,
"Where is the cheese shop?"
288
00:12:49,088 --> 00:12:54,008
Dov'e il negozio di formaggi?
289
00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:59,012
Dov'e il nego, il negozio
il formaggio?
290
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,032
No.
291
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,088
I, formagg-I.
292
00:13:03,088 --> 00:13:08,072
Oh, formaggi! Bravo.
I, formaggi, plural!
293
00:13:08,072 --> 00:13:13,004
I got it!
Cos I'm doing plurals right now!
294
00:13:13,004 --> 00:13:14,048
Now I want you to teach me
295
00:13:14,048 --> 00:13:20,020
how to say, "My husband
is a very heavy breather."
296
00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:22,016
Listen.
HE INHALES LOUDLY
297
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,016
Tell him what to say.
Just tell him what to say.
298
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:34,008
Scusa... Scusa...
..io... ..io...
299
00:13:34,008 --> 00:13:37,036
..respiro... ..respiro...
300
00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:43,084
..molto, molto pesante...
..mo, molto pesante.
301
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:46,092
GIO LAUGHS
Bravo! But like, molto!
302
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:51,076
Molto! Molto. Molto pesante!
303
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,044
What did I say? Perfect!
Bravo! Bravo!
304
00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:01,000
You said, "I... Excuse me,
I breathe very loudly."
305
00:14:03,032 --> 00:14:07,032
Gio! It wasn't me! Gio! Promise!
306
00:14:07,032 --> 00:14:09,020
I'm only yelling
cos she yells at you.
307
00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:11,092
BOTH SHOUT: Gio!
308
00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:16,048
Ciao, Giovanni, arrivederci!
Love you! Bye.
309
00:14:22,088 --> 00:14:24,088
Look at my hair! Hold on.
310
00:14:24,088 --> 00:14:26,024
Wait, Honey, fix my hair.
311
00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:28,020
Look at my hair.
Can you smooth it down?
312
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,092
SHE LAUGHS
313
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,020
Don't lick your hand! Ew!
314
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:38,000
All right, good enough.
315
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,028
Some girls have their bags,
some girls have their shoes
316
00:14:40,028 --> 00:14:43,060
and I am obsessed with eyewear,
so I have over 700 pairs.
317
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,044
So I ordered storage cabinets
318
00:14:45,044 --> 00:14:48,080
and I'm going to put them
together today. I can't wait.
319
00:14:52,012 --> 00:14:54,064
Honey, could you sort these screws
for me?
320
00:14:54,064 --> 00:14:58,032
Honey! What? Help me! No!
321
00:14:58,032 --> 00:15:01,008
Why don't you help?
Because I have a husband.
322
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,064
HE GROANS
323
00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:13,096
Can you keep that down?
Very loud. Help me!
324
00:15:13,096 --> 00:15:15,088
HE GROANS, SHE LAUGHS
325
00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:19,000
Ah, my leg! Ah, ah, ah, ah!
326
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,080
Look, it's pinching.
It's pinching. That's not funny.
327
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,068
HE GROANS
Boom!
328
00:15:24,068 --> 00:15:27,008
Where's the hammer? Hammer?
329
00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:31,044
Honey, can you keep it down? David!
330
00:15:32,044 --> 00:15:33,072
David!
331
00:15:40,056 --> 00:15:44,012
It's almost there.
It's almost there.
332
00:15:44,012 --> 00:15:47,020
Yep, done.
You didn't even hammer anything.
333
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,024
Oh, sh... Shoot!
334
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:53,040
I used the wrong nails.
HE GROANS
335
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:58,052
My knees hurt! Are you done
helping me? We're taking a hiatus.
336
00:15:58,052 --> 00:16:01,016
Sabbatical!
Do you want to help me, buddy?
337
00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:05,016
Woo!
338
00:16:05,016 --> 00:16:09,016
Michelle, I'm done! Why do I have
all these extra pieces?
339
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,064
Check it out. Honey, I think
you put it on upside down.
340
00:16:15,064 --> 00:16:20,004
What? Just kidding!
It looks great! Thank you!
341
00:16:24,012 --> 00:16:26,004
Hold on, we've got
a dog in the picture.
342
00:16:26,004 --> 00:16:28,076
David, leave her, this is a real
show!
343
00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:31,088
Hi, Daisy. Hi, little girl!
344
00:16:31,088 --> 00:16:33,080
You do not chew that cord.
345
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,060
My guest today is an Arsenal
football legend
346
00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:41,032
and a fellow Strictly alum.
Please welcome my friend Alex Scott.
347
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:45,068
Hey, baby! Woo, woo! Oh, my gosh,
it's so good to see you!
348
00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:47,064
IN COCKNEY ACCENT: Why do you
look so beautiful?
349
00:16:47,064 --> 00:16:50,024
When I knew I was, like, coming
on this with you, I was like,
350
00:16:50,024 --> 00:16:52,012
"Oh, I have to get dressed up."
351
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:55,072
But I went halfway because I didn't
even have to iron this blouse.
352
00:16:55,072 --> 00:16:57,084
So it's still technically
being lazy.
353
00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,044
And you have a tank top
underneath it? I do!
354
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,096
THEY LAUGH
355
00:17:01,096 --> 00:17:05,036
That's my girl! So first let's start
with how's your head?
356
00:17:05,036 --> 00:17:07,004
How are you doing in this
quarantine?
357
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:10,036
Do you know what? I'm surprisingly,
I would say I'm doing OK.
358
00:17:10,036 --> 00:17:13,048
I never knew before what
living for the weekend was.
359
00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:16,052
Yeah. Cos you know people,
they have their job, nine-to-five,
360
00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:19,052
and they always talk about,
"I can't wait for the weekend."
361
00:17:19,052 --> 00:17:21,068
But being an athlete,
I didn't have weekends because
362
00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:24,092
that was when our games would be,
that's when I'm on TV. Right.
363
00:17:24,092 --> 00:17:28,024
Now, actually, in lockdown,
I'm living for the weekend. Yes!
364
00:17:28,024 --> 00:17:31,040
I'm getting takeaway pizza,
I'm going to have my glass of wine.
365
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,052
Good girl.
366
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,028
I am a little jealous of something
I saw on Twitter with you
367
00:17:35,028 --> 00:17:40,052
where you got a gold star
from your Spanish teacher. Yes!
368
00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:42,092
No, don't you yeah, I'm jealous.
369
00:17:42,092 --> 00:17:44,052
See, I'm learning Italian,
370
00:17:44,052 --> 00:17:47,008
and I have Giovanni who has been
helping me,
371
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:49,068
but he just yells at me, he berates
me because I'm doing it wrong.
372
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,080
You know Gio. Yeah. Did you always
want to learn Spanish?
373
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,012
Yeah, I've always wanted to learn
Spanish for the reason
374
00:17:55,012 --> 00:17:57,092
I've always wanted to travel round
South America. Oh, that's great.
375
00:17:57,092 --> 00:18:00,064
So I was like, well, this
is the time that I have no excuse,
376
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:04,004
I'm in my house, I am going to come
out of this with a skill.
377
00:18:04,004 --> 00:18:06,060
So I have three lessons,
maybe four lessons a week.
378
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:10,036
Three to four lessons a week.
How long are your lessons? An hour!
379
00:18:10,036 --> 00:18:13,068
I thought you were doing it
once a week! Ay, Dios mio!
380
00:18:13,068 --> 00:18:15,068
Honey, I want to get
a teacher like Alex has.
381
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:18,020
Yeah, she makes it
so I can relate to things,
382
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,044
like, what I'm already doing.
383
00:18:19,044 --> 00:18:22,064
So, like, right now, ah,
I can explain about my house.
384
00:18:22,064 --> 00:18:26,064
So mi casa es pequeno,
so it's small. Yes.
385
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:32,032
Um, but para parque es grande.
I have a park that's big!
386
00:18:33,060 --> 00:18:35,084
See? I am so...
You're so East London.
387
00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:38,024
But can you see I've still
got my Cockney accent? Yes!
388
00:18:38,024 --> 00:18:42,048
You've got East London accent
mixed in with mi parque es grande.
389
00:18:42,048 --> 00:18:45,088
It's hilarious. Um, so I want to
play a little game with you.
390
00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:47,016
It's a game of lasts.
391
00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:49,068
So the last things that you've
done in your life, OK?
392
00:18:49,068 --> 00:18:53,004
Are you down for it? OK, I'm down,
I'm down. OK, here we go. OK.
393
00:18:53,004 --> 00:18:55,060
The last DM that you received.
394
00:18:56,064 --> 00:19:00,060
Oh, actually from, it's a
camera guy, it's really boring,
395
00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:03,060
that I used to work with,
congratulating me.
396
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,020
Congratulating you on what?
397
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,008
I've been awarded
an honorary degree.
398
00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:12,032
I'm a doctor of science. For what?
What have you done, Alex Scott?
399
00:19:12,032 --> 00:19:14,004
Tell me!
BETWEEN LAUGHS: I don't know!
400
00:19:14,004 --> 00:19:18,092
Oh, dear Lord. Well, congratulations
honey. Thanks!
401
00:19:18,092 --> 00:19:21,072
Last time you cried.
SHE GASPS
402
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,060
Like yesterday. Go on.
403
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,072
Michelle, I know you're in America,
404
00:19:25,072 --> 00:19:27,096
so I don't know if you're going to
get this programme...
405
00:19:27,096 --> 00:19:31,008
Are you going to
talk about Normal People? Yes.
406
00:19:31,008 --> 00:19:33,060
Michelle, I cried every episode.
407
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:37,044
I'm not a crier, and I think all
my tears from all the years
408
00:19:37,044 --> 00:19:39,004
came out in this programme.
409
00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:42,032
There were bits I was watching
and I started crying and I'm like,
410
00:19:42,032 --> 00:19:45,076
"Why am I crying? I don't know
why I'm crying!" Really?!
411
00:19:45,076 --> 00:19:48,016
Just it hit too many emotions
for me.
412
00:19:48,016 --> 00:19:51,040
The last food delivery
that you received.
413
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,044
Was my pizza. Yes, pizza!
414
00:19:54,044 --> 00:19:59,004
OK, the last one is the last time
you truly felt genuinely happy.
415
00:19:59,004 --> 00:20:01,064
Seriously, I would say
on Strictly with you lot.
416
00:20:01,064 --> 00:20:04,064
Aw. When I was on it,
I was just like, "Wow,
417
00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:07,052
"this is actually what
I've always dreamed of doing,
418
00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:09,024
"and I'm right here now."
419
00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:11,092
And meeting you,
that show brought us together.
420
00:20:11,092 --> 00:20:14,084
Yes. So I am forever grateful
and thankful for that.
421
00:20:14,084 --> 00:20:17,080
And I am so grateful
that you took time out
422
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,068
and got prettied up for me to do
this show.
423
00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:21,036
And I'm so glad you checked in.
424
00:20:21,036 --> 00:20:23,068
You shouldn't waste it.
Thank you for giving me a reason!
425
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:25,084
You look gorgeous,
you always look gorgeous,
426
00:20:25,084 --> 00:20:28,044
but you look extra gorgeous.
Michelle, do you know what as well?
427
00:20:28,044 --> 00:20:30,076
After watching Normal People,
what I've realised is,
428
00:20:30,076 --> 00:20:34,024
I've been single a while now,
so I need to make more of an effort
429
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,036
because I'm ready
to have someone in my life.
430
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:38,052
OK, this is an exclusive for you.
What are you doing?
431
00:20:38,052 --> 00:20:41,044
What are you doing about that? I...
Nothing now in lockdown!
432
00:20:41,044 --> 00:20:43,056
Well, what can I do?
433
00:20:45,056 --> 00:20:47,080
Just rub it in a bit more, will you?
434
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,044
Use that lighting,
you look so beautiful.
435
00:20:50,044 --> 00:20:54,004
Take some selfies of you in that
light. Some selfies? Yes, girl!
436
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:58,068
You can do it! You look beautiful!
Bloody love you.
437
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:08,016
Welcome to another Tea Time.
438
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:10,068
I've got my cuppa,
I've got my Earl Grey right here
439
00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:12,072
and I'm ready to go with some
questions.
440
00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:14,068
So, um, this is really hot.
441
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:17,084
I can't even pick up my cuppa.
442
00:21:18,092 --> 00:21:20,028
Got it.
443
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,012
Here we go!
444
00:21:26,012 --> 00:21:29,000
Sophia writes,
"My ex-boyfriend is texting me
445
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,016
"non-stop during quarantine." Ugh.
446
00:21:31,016 --> 00:21:34,080
"Should I engage with his texts or
say, thanks but no thanks?"
447
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:38,012
This comes down to self-respect.
448
00:21:38,012 --> 00:21:40,048
I think he's an ex for a reason,
449
00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:44,008
so I suggest you just
pie him off, sayonara.
450
00:21:46,060 --> 00:21:49,012
Britney asks,
"My teen daughter will not allow me
451
00:21:49,012 --> 00:21:52,056
"in her room even just to clean
or put away her laundry.
452
00:21:52,056 --> 00:21:55,052
"Do I respect her wishes?"
Her room is her space.
453
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,044
I know a lot of mums and dads out
there will say,
454
00:21:57,044 --> 00:21:58,096
"No, I pay the bills." I get that,
455
00:21:58,096 --> 00:22:02,072
but it's her one place to have
her sanctity.
456
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:05,036
So I say allow her to have it,
as long as there's no critters
457
00:22:05,036 --> 00:22:07,080
or bugs, then we're in a good place.
458
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,004
If it keeps her well,
so good luck to you, Mum.
459
00:22:11,088 --> 00:22:15,040
Olivia asks, "I really want to do
something nice for my hubby
460
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,064
"who is having a hard time
in lockdown.
461
00:22:17,064 --> 00:22:20,012
"Any suggestions?" Blow job.
462
00:22:20,012 --> 00:22:21,068
DAVID STIFLES A LAUGH
463
00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:26,040
That's, of course, for Olivia,
not for me.
464
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,096
DAVID LAUGHS
465
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:31,092
I think it was... Am I not allowed
to say that? Should I do one clean?
466
00:22:31,092 --> 00:22:33,076
Fellatio.
GASPING
467
00:22:35,032 --> 00:22:39,016
Patrick asks, "If you had to name
one movie to describe yourself,
468
00:22:39,016 --> 00:22:41,036
"what would it be?"
469
00:22:41,036 --> 00:22:43,060
One movie to describe myself...
470
00:22:43,060 --> 00:22:45,040
Scream.
THEY LAUGH
471
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,092
Really loud.
472
00:22:48,072 --> 00:22:50,004
That's hard!
473
00:22:50,004 --> 00:22:53,044
Psycho? Oh, my God, David!
474
00:22:55,028 --> 00:22:59,048
Johnny asks, "The local store is
still out of toilet paper."
475
00:22:59,048 --> 00:23:01,092
Oh, Johnny! "Got any ideas?"
476
00:23:01,092 --> 00:23:06,000
This is what we're doing, gas
station, cloth-like paper towels.
477
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,024
Like, see,
you'd see these at a petrol station.
478
00:23:08,024 --> 00:23:11,048
I know this is ridiculous,
is I do this,
479
00:23:11,048 --> 00:23:13,020
then I do this and fold it this way.
480
00:23:14,096 --> 00:23:19,028
And this is for your bum if you
to... Two. You can do two. No way!
481
00:23:19,028 --> 00:23:21,096
Twos not going to do it! This is
thick enough, this is thick enough.
482
00:23:21,096 --> 00:23:23,028
What are you eating for dinner?
483
00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:25,080
Are you having chilli for dinner?
TOILET WATER RUSHES
484
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,004
That's it!
485
00:23:27,004 --> 00:23:30,012
Thank you so much to all of you
and keep the questions coming in
486
00:23:30,012 --> 00:23:32,004
because I love them
and I will get to them.
487
00:23:32,004 --> 00:23:33,088
Mwah, thank you!
488
00:23:36,068 --> 00:23:39,044
One thing I promised myself I would
do is not lose the momentum
489
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,076
I had doing Strictly.
490
00:23:40,076 --> 00:23:43,060
I was dancing eight to ten hours
a day, staying really fit.
491
00:23:43,060 --> 00:23:46,016
So today I'm going to
get on that treadmill,
492
00:23:46,016 --> 00:23:48,000
and I'm going to
check in with my best friend.
493
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,056
You may know her from a little show
called King Of Queens,
494
00:23:50,056 --> 00:23:51,092
it's Leah Remini.
495
00:23:53,024 --> 00:23:57,072
No. Hi. Hey! You look gorgeous.
496
00:23:57,072 --> 00:24:01,060
I've got, as you see,
full face of make-up. Always.
497
00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:04,052
But you do that always.
Are you on the treadmill?
498
00:24:04,052 --> 00:24:08,028
Leah, I'm on the treadmill.
I'm very proud of you. Are you?
499
00:24:08,028 --> 00:24:10,068
I was, I was supposed to
be on the treadmill today, but...
500
00:24:10,068 --> 00:24:12,012
Look at, like, look...
501
00:24:13,056 --> 00:24:16,004
Those buttons are going to take
somebody's eyes out.
502
00:24:16,004 --> 00:24:19,012
You know how we talked
three months ago?
503
00:24:19,012 --> 00:24:22,012
About how we were going to come
out of this amazing? Yes.
504
00:24:22,012 --> 00:24:25,068
SHOUTS: What is happening?!
505
00:24:25,068 --> 00:24:28,028
The weird thing that we were
talking about, though, Leah,
506
00:24:28,028 --> 00:24:30,024
is that this is different
to anything else.
507
00:24:30,024 --> 00:24:31,096
Yes, we've never gone through
a pandemic.
508
00:24:31,096 --> 00:24:34,032
Yes, it's kind of hard to compare,
but there is a weird
509
00:24:34,032 --> 00:24:38,028
complacency of, like,
it's the opposite of motivation.
510
00:24:38,028 --> 00:24:42,060
Right, and yet there are
people out there that are, like,
511
00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:48,056
gaining six packs and 12 packs, and,
like, using this time wisely.
512
00:24:48,056 --> 00:24:54,040
Not so much us. No. But look,
you're on the treadmill right now.
513
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:59,008
Yes. By the way, you look beautiful.
Thank you. So do you. You really do.
514
00:24:59,008 --> 00:25:02,016
Thank you. I like your cock-sucking
lips. Thank you, darling.
515
00:25:02,016 --> 00:25:05,044
It's this plumping lip gloss.
I have a really light lining.
516
00:25:05,044 --> 00:25:07,004
Is David getting to enjoy those?
517
00:25:07,004 --> 00:25:11,012
Well, is Angelo getting to
enjoy yours? No, I'm in quarantine.
518
00:25:11,012 --> 00:25:13,028
Yeah, thank you, I'm married.
519
00:25:13,028 --> 00:25:15,020
THEY LAUGH
520
00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:17,004
Is anybody having sex?
521
00:25:17,004 --> 00:25:20,024
I think some people must be having
exorbitant amounts of sex,
522
00:25:20,024 --> 00:25:22,048
and I think married people
are like...
523
00:25:22,048 --> 00:25:24,096
SHE SIGHS
..again? Right.
524
00:25:24,096 --> 00:25:28,068
Not to mention, the bigger I get,
the less I want to have sex.
525
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,000
That's the thing.
526
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,004
It's like, Angelo, the other day,
he, you know,
527
00:25:33,004 --> 00:25:35,004
was trying to cuddle me, which,
you know,
528
00:25:35,004 --> 00:25:38,004
I don't like cuddling anyway
on a good day. Right, right.
529
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:40,084
But what does he do?
What does he fucking do?
530
00:25:40,084 --> 00:25:43,024
The first thing that they do,
for some reason,
531
00:25:43,024 --> 00:25:46,072
is they put their hand around
the fattest part of your belly,
532
00:25:46,072 --> 00:25:49,088
and you're not prepared for it.
533
00:25:49,088 --> 00:25:52,012
Hang on, David! What? Come here!
534
00:25:52,012 --> 00:25:54,044
When we lay at night
and you try to cuddle me,
535
00:25:54,044 --> 00:25:56,076
where does your hand have
to not go ever?
536
00:25:56,076 --> 00:26:00,036
It can't go around her stomach.
Why not just grab the tit?
537
00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:02,000
That's what you're going for anyway.
538
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,032
Grabbing my tit is like grabbing my
shoulder blade at this point, so...
539
00:26:05,032 --> 00:26:09,008
Hah! Stop it. He'd be
searching for it. I'll take it.
540
00:26:09,008 --> 00:26:12,020
But I understand their side.
Which is?
541
00:26:12,020 --> 00:26:14,024
Which is they want connection,
they want...
542
00:26:14,024 --> 00:26:16,036
Yeah, well,
that's how men feel loved.
543
00:26:16,036 --> 00:26:19,048
It's not by the 50 million things
we do a day. Correct.
544
00:26:19,048 --> 00:26:21,056
Not bearing your children,
not raising them,
545
00:26:21,056 --> 00:26:23,088
not cleaning, not cooking, just sex.
546
00:26:23,088 --> 00:26:25,052
Just, when are you sucking a dick?
547
00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:31,012
I love you. I love you.
SHOUTS: Bye, David!
548
00:26:31,012 --> 00:26:33,000
Bye!
549
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,088
He is really cute.
He's cute. Bye. Bye.
550
00:26:39,012 --> 00:26:41,044
Well, I did it.
551
00:26:41,044 --> 00:26:44,008
All the crazy energy
I had cleaning up the house,
552
00:26:44,008 --> 00:26:47,084
I put it all to good use on that
beast of a treadmill.
553
00:26:47,084 --> 00:26:53,076
So for me today, one day done,
tomorrow waits and I say, brava!
554
00:26:53,076 --> 00:26:57,068
Making my post-workout shake,
which I think this is vitamin C.
555
00:26:57,068 --> 00:27:00,024
Uh, weren't you
talking about blow jobs?
556
00:27:00,024 --> 00:27:03,024
BLENDER ROARS
557
00:27:03,024 --> 00:27:05,036
This scene has come to a head.
558
00:27:05,036 --> 00:27:07,080
♪ How's your head, hun? ♪
559
00:27:10,056 --> 00:27:13,064
It's late,
you're probably knackered,
560
00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:18,044
sit back because I'm going to read
you some fine literature.
561
00:27:18,044 --> 00:27:22,000
Of course, I'm talking
about the Drag Race section
562
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,036
and the comments from Reddit.
563
00:27:24,036 --> 00:27:27,012
"I would totally watch a
stage show of Clueless
564
00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:32,048
"with Carson as Cher, RuPaul
as Dionne, Michelle as Amber."
565
00:27:32,048 --> 00:27:35,048
"My plastic surgeon says
I shouldn't be doing any activities
566
00:27:35,048 --> 00:27:37,072
"where balls are flying at my face."
567
00:27:37,072 --> 00:27:40,024
"Why would anyone wear
nude lipstick?"
568
00:27:40,024 --> 00:27:43,084
Now, I see what they're doing here
on Reddit, they're making fun of me.
569
00:27:43,084 --> 00:27:46,096
Not every minute needs to be like,
here's my lips!
570
00:27:46,096 --> 00:27:51,052
"It's 2038, Michelle Visage
still looks the same."
571
00:27:51,052 --> 00:27:52,064
Yes, honey!
572
00:27:52,064 --> 00:27:56,072
When it's right, it's fucking right!
That's right, you tell them.
573
00:27:56,072 --> 00:28:00,048
"Michelle done popped the corn
and fed us."
574
00:28:00,048 --> 00:28:02,076
"Groove is in the heart
and the tits!"
575
00:28:02,076 --> 00:28:06,048
"Ms Visage can step on my throat
with those shoes any day."
576
00:28:06,048 --> 00:28:08,052
Thank you so much,
that is really sweet,
577
00:28:08,052 --> 00:28:11,016
cos usually when I read
the Reddit comments
578
00:28:11,016 --> 00:28:12,068
they're not all this sweet.
579
00:28:12,068 --> 00:28:14,048
"Michelle is cleaning out her
closets
580
00:28:14,048 --> 00:28:16,004
"while she's self quarantining,
581
00:28:16,004 --> 00:28:18,080
"RuPaul didn't raise no fool.
Ru is like,
582
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,020
"'Michelle, I ain't paying your ass
to sit home all day,
583
00:28:21,020 --> 00:28:23,088
"'so you'd better grab your iPhone
and sell your shit on Poshmark.
584
00:28:23,088 --> 00:28:25,016
"'And I suggest you do it now
585
00:28:25,016 --> 00:28:27,052
"'while we're in the midst
of a live season, girl.
586
00:28:27,052 --> 00:28:30,080
"'We don't know how long this corona
bitch is going to hang around.'"
587
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,064
You know me so well.
588
00:28:32,064 --> 00:28:37,064
"Michelle needs to do a TED talk
on how to get your shit together."
589
00:28:37,064 --> 00:28:41,088
I couldn't agree more.
Well, I hope this helped your head.
590
00:28:41,088 --> 00:28:45,024
So have a goodnight,
stay healthy and remember,
591
00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:46,088
I'll see you next Tuesday.
592
00:28:46,088 --> 00:28:50,036
SHE SLURPS, SIGHS
55918
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