Original subtitles

This film was made with the financial contribution of Republic of Turkey,

Ministry of Culture and Tourism, General Directorate of Cinema

When I started to realize the world...

You first have to recognize prevailing conditions around you,

and then be forced to accept them.

When I started to understand

what my mother has been gone through,

I realized

that she has gone through a destroying disaster,

that she had survived as the only one,

and that it was a special grace,

that she brought us into existence.

It seems that we too we have locked the past - maybe unconsciously.

Unburied in the past

Mountain... Mountains all around.

And in between a small farmland.

There are only three houses.

I remember three houses.

Our own home,

a huge one, and a barn in the backyard.

In the barn the animals were laying and sleeping.

And we stayed here, in front ofthe burning stove

- you know those stove cooker -

It was burning and we were sitting around.

I remember nothing else we had then.

I had a little sister, who couldn't yet walk and an elder brother.

Now it is a larger place, isn't it?

My dad sits on the bed, he stares.

Now I see his face like in a mirror, young and beautiful.

But I don't remember my mother': face.

Strange, isn't it!

To describe my mother is very difficult.

She has a very sofl character,

an always smiling face,

is very willing to laugh in a cheerful ambiance.

No matter to whom she's talking she says frankly whatever she likes,

And she always claimed her rights.

I remember that she cried a lot

and she felt like

she had to endure all the pains in the world.

She was hitting her had against the walls

saying “what an unfortunate fate I have”,

“l only endure this life for you”,

“l have no place to go!” she said.

Tunceli Operation

How do I remember that event? It was as if I was asleep?

I found myself suddenly in the middle ofa crowd.

“Let”: go, let': go!” they said, I didn't understand what was going on.

From where did come up such a crowd?

They came and arrested us too.

My mom, my dad, my older brother, my sibling and me...

How many are we? Six, right? Five or six?

People walked away escorted,

by soldiers in arms behind and beside them.

It was pretty crowded. And behind came the cattle.

I assume that they told them “you go and the animals will follow.”

They deceived them.

They took us away and we walked the whole day through till the evening.

We arrived at the place, where we should be killed.

There sat men and women separately.

And I was in the middle. My dad was apart while my mom was over there.

The mothers sat with their children in that place.

It seemed like they had decided, where they would kill them all.

The women, the children...

There were many women but not many children.

The children in the arms ofthe mothers.

They sat so still, so calm, waiting for their fate.

They didn't understand what would happen.

No one spoke a word.

They did not give anything. No food.

I did not understand what kind of people they were.

No one revolted saying “Give us some food, we are hungry.”

No one did. Nothing happened.

And then it got dark, a rattle started.

I saw that four machine-guns were arranged.

On tripod. Tak tak tak...

You know machine-guns.

The lay down behind them and put the cartridge on the rock.

I saw it, oh my god!

Ijust couldn't believe that they would be killed.

The children died with their mothers.

They killed whoever was walking around.

They did not leave anyone behind.

Years later, when this Dersim massacre was brought to the agenda,

I got really sad. When I was a child, I did not understand it.

I don't know how it happened.

I don't blame anyone. Theyjust did it...

They threw out the baby with the bathwater.

What crime did we commit?

My father would just go and cultivate the land.

I did not see any criminal act.

I don't know why they did it.

The Prime Minister ismet intinii

“Our duty is to transform everyone, who lives on Turkish ground,

into a genuine Turk.

We will cut off and throw away all elements which oppose Turkism.

The people, we are looking for above all to serve this country,

are Turks

with Turkish virtues.”

Newspapers Vakit, 27 April 1925

A troop commander came from Konya

and he said,

“Friends! There are three types oftraitors in this world,

Do you know who?” How are we supposed to know them?

“One is the mouse, the other one the wolf, one is the pig the other one the Kurd.”

These are the four traitors. Heard it from that commander.

In the light ofthe falwa ofthe sheikh al-lslam Ebussuud Effendi

Turkish life in the sixteenth-century

Question:

ls it allowed to kill “Redheads” (name for Alevis) according to the law of Sharia?

If it is, would their murderers be heroes of war,

the ones killed by a "Redhead" (Alevi) martyrs?

Answer: Yes, it is.

The war against the "Redhead" (Alevi) is the holy war and it is great martyrdom.

The "Redhead" (Alevi) are both rebels and giaours (not believing non-Muslims).

One day the Captain did a speech like this:

“Comrades! Do you know where we are heading to?

There is an ulcer in our body

We are going to cut out this ulcer.

They are the whole “Redheads” (Alevi), you know that?”

Fevzi Qakmak Commander in chief ofthe Turkish armed Forces

“Dersim should be taken as a colony;

the Kurdish element should be deleted from the Turkish community.

This must be followed

with a gradual subordination under a genuine Turkish law.”

1931

Trabzon, Ataturk House

“The military strategy sketches ofthe war against

the rebellion in Dersim were drawn by Atatilrk himself.” June 1937

They asked us why we would go to Dersim?

They said “We will go to war. For what else?”

To kill men. Do you know how many people we killed?

The Prime Minister Celal Bayar

Soon, our army will start campaign in the Dersim region.

To this end, the army will get the order to march for Dersim

and with a general operation of rake

supported of disciplinary forces

bring this affair to a final solution.

30 June 1938

We went to the villages.

It was told they haven't got reasonable yet.

They did not deliver their guns, did not surrender.

We removed them out oftheir houses and made them walk before us.

We recruited thirty seven people.

We made them walk.

There was the Kutu River, a large stream.

There they have arranged the machine-guns waiting in the rifle range.

We took them away to the Kutu River, made us wait at the back,

and gave the order to fire.

37 people sent such a prayer to the heaven

that the earth resounded.

They burned the people that they killed.

They put the dead in order by putting the timber

upon their bodies.

And lit the fire. They buried all the corpses.

Hulusi Yahyagil Colonel in the Dersim campaign

They charged us to prevent and put down the revolt.

What they called as revolt was the fact

that some ofthe villagers did not pay their taxes that year.

The issue was indeed simple.

But they exaggerated it and generalized it.

The only order we got consists of a single word:

Annihilation.

Not a single living human being would be lefl behind,

no young, no old, no child nor women...

Although the majority ofthe settlers in the campaign area were heretics,

they nevertheless were our compatriots.

No man was lefl behind, all ofthem died in Dersim.

Many died. How am I supposed to knowthe number?

How many... that': how it was!

12 August-1938, Dersim:

In the outer Poker mountains, opposite to the Demirhan cave.

We were 21 people and stayed two days.

The river behind us is the Munzur.

It carried Kurdish carcass for days.

Here I sit in the dark for awhile.

Behind the bush, a soldier cleans his gun.

I wonder if he did not see me

because it was not brushwood.

Maybe he saw but acted like he did not.

Then it became all dark. I leflthe place and saw that no one is there.

I know where my father was, I run and went up to him.

What a devil I was. I run to him.

I saw that my dad was laying but my older brother was standing.

They were both wounded but my dad was worse.

He took out a purse and gave it to a boy. A young boy...

“You will take care of my children” he said.

“Now go away!” We should have joined him but he disappeared.

Was the moon shining? The river flowed by.

The huge Munzur River flows and flows away.

Me and brother, we are walking.

At night, we climbed over the mountains, lefl and went away till dawn.

We walked and walked.

We climbed over those two mountains.

We climbed one hill and then saw another one.

We went down and on again. How far away had they brought us?

My older brother is wounded

but he keeps walking. I don't understand how, I am just a child.

He walks by my side without speaking any word.

We came near to our house, had just a few steps lefl

my brother disappeared, I don't know how.

Probably he fell and died.

I only know that he was wounded.

He was smelling blood. Oh, I still have that smell on my nose.

It': a very bad smell. A very bad smell.

And it': very hot. What happens to the smell in hot?

I will never forget that smell.

Poor people... They really have gone.

What can we do? It': the fate.

My mom as well as my dad

have given the impression that the past has totally gone.

I never dreamt that my mom would have her own mother, father or siblings.

The time was twilight for me and for my brother.

To the Ministry of Internal Affairs;

From Regiment Commander ofAir Forces,

Fire and National Defence department, I have asked for blister and choking gases.

30 March 1937

Abdullah Alpdogan, Fourth Inspector General

I have to mention Inspector

General Abdullah Alpdogan': statement

while he was inaugurating Elaziz toxic gas course

Latif Erenel, Newspaper Tan, 5 August 1937

They took shelter in the caves.

The army threw poison gas into

the entrance ofthe caves. They poisoned them like mice.

And they slaughtered the Kurdish people of Dersim from the age seven to seventeen.

It has been a bloody operation. The Dersim case is over.

The authority ofthe government has been established in the villages and in Dersim.

That': all about Dersim.

Children of Mameki - 20 August 1939

Five hundred or six hundred people

were killed by using machine-guns.

They threw the bodies to the Hargik River.

Five hundred meters ofthe Hargik River flowed away red as blood.

They made them sit altogether.

The machine-gun went crazy: glr glr glr...

Glr glr glr. All were massacred.

There is a path ahead when you go to Tilllilk.

Maybe the place has changed now.

A steep path. I stayed there.

All of a sudden soldiers picked me up and put me in atent.

There were two soldiers,

with arms in their hands like this.

I embraced one': leg and cried: “Please don't kill me”

“Don't kill me.”

Maybe they asked me some questions but I did not understand.

I spoke in Kurdish obviously, what do I know.

I didn't speak Turkish.

They gave me nothing. I looked for some bread, a slight piece.

The bread they gave to the soldiers was very white then.

I was picked up some crumb and eat them.

But they brought me to that place again.

It means they had an order.

Soldiers are not authorized to kill.

Probably they waited for the order from the commander.

So they brought me to that place again.

Tunceli had to be cleaned up.

Do you know if we lost so many soldiers when the cleaning operation was done?

Did you hear something about that?

I really don't think so.

Our troops had not many losses?

No, there have not.

Was there any close combat? - No, no, no!

No one was fighting back.

There has been only a few cases but not important.

İn this village or on that path.

Some insignificant raid happened sometimes.

Did they make any robbery?

Raid, robbery...

Something against the law. Yes they were doing that.

Otherwise they don't have an affair with the government.

No, they don't.

Sabiha Gtikgen, Pilot in the war

Adopted daughter of Kemal Atatilrk

My flights to Dersim have always been more exiting.

I flied to the region a couple oftimes as a pilot but mostly as an observer.

In such situations,

you feel the excitement of war as an observer.

First you drop the bombs

and when it': over, if you see any human target,

you would use machine-gun.

I can never forget the excitement ofthe first bombardment of Dersim.

We heard the rebel community near Kegziseken and moved forward as a group.

I threw fiRy-kilos of bombs on the people who were running away in a group.

I saw the hit with my own eyes

and on our way back from our mission, we had some excmng moments.

When you are bombing human targets during the combat,

you don't feel any mercy.

You only think to search and shoot in order to accomplish your mission.

We got the order to shoot anything alive.

We even hit the goats, which were the food ofthe rebels.

Have you heard something on how many people died?

How many people lost their lives here?

I don't know.

You did not hear anything?

Do you have any assumptions?

I can't.

To decide for annihilation

and while doing that,

“we need to clean this up no matter how we do”

or “Where you plane splinters fall”...

but how necessary planning ever was,

splinters fell too much.

It was an insane action.

How can a child playing on the meadow near Munzur

have been taken to be slaughtered the next day?

This, I can never understand.

While I was straying around,

a soldier came and adopted me.

I was straying in the street, aware of nothing.

I was walking around with bread in my hand and he took me.

He was a lieutenant then.

“My father” came and said...

- I call “father.” because he has become my father.-

“You will call me dad now.” He sald, such a mce person.

He said to his wife, “Sabiha,

there is little girl walking around here, very little. Should we adopt her?”

They had their own baby, three months old.

They adopted me, you see.

I was all in dirt and I was infested with lice.

My hair was curly, just like my daughter.

They cut my hair, cleaned it and washed it.

We stayed there for a while. Then we came to Tunceli.

Maybe you have seen those houses in Tunceli.

We have stayed in one ofthose houses.

We stayed in Tunceli about one year.

There I went to school. I went to the first class.

I went to school for one year.

When “my mother” went to see

if any wounded people were coming to town,

My father was at the front, they lefl the baby with me.

We were both children and we were playing.

My sibling was very little.

I made the baby fall.

”My mother” came. She had put the baby to the hammock.

The baby fell asleep.

She grabbed me and said, “Look, what have you done.”

Even at this time, she did not slap me.

”My father” was always going to control the revolts.

The grandpa was never talking within the family,

not only on these issues.

I don't know how many orders he gave for military operations

which caused many people to die

and how many soldiers he ordered to “install the machine-guns.”

I wonder ifthere are

any contradictions or sorrow behind his silence.

Do not open the old wounds and don't make me talk.

Don't make me cry.

I am old, 108 years old. Do you understand?

They may have been right.

Your opinion?

- So you think that they were right.

Of course

We owe you an apology to these citizens.

I could have shot and hitthe target;

but I didn't have the heart to do that, I would cry.

Like in the song: My bride has dressed in red...

This body has seen a lot and witnessed many things.

You mean we have done wrong doing such a cleaning?

Yes, of course.

They threw the baby out with the bathwater.

What they did is painful,

like a red pepper. It makes you cry.

It was inhuman.

It was inhuman, was not necessary.

We came to Istanbul.

They went to Uzunktipril where there was a war.

“My mother” lefl me to his brother': house.

A big house.

I was cleaning the entire house up to the front door.

Then I would go to the school.

No one gave me even five cents.

I saw that everyone but me at the school bought something to eat.

I told “my mother.”

I have stolen five pennies from your father': pocket many times.

I went to Malkara. I stayed with “my mothefls.”

Then she gave birth to this girl. I lefl and came back.

Then I returned to Istanbul again. I don't know why.

I got sick

and stayed sick for a while, in the room upstairs.

They did not even call a doctor. I don't know why.

I lost all my hair. What disease is this if you loose your hair?

They did not call a doctor; they did not take care of me.

Then I lied by myself.

I got better but I did not have any hair.

They would marry me.

Then the guy showed up but I had no hair.

I putthe hairs that I previously collected at the back of my head.

We got engaged.

Then “my mother” gave birth to twins.

I went to their place to help her a bit.

I stayed there for one year, being en gaged.

Excuse me for what I say but “my mother” tied my breasts.

They were, forgive me, they were a little big.

She tied them with the sheet in order to prevent them to shake

so that the soldiers would not...

She looked afler me like this among the military.

I heard that many girls went astray.

They set them free. We were within the soldiers.

We had our equerry. We were in the military facility.

And some looked me in a different manner.

There were many soldiers around me

But I was not that kind of person. Plus, they protected me.

I tried to look at

the damage ofthis incident on my beloved mother named Emo§ Gillver

from every angle.

I appreciate them for saving her life and for taking care of her.

But I wish that they did more afler that

so that it would mean something.

We were like rowboats at the back of a yacht.

Me and my brother

as the children ofthis step daughter

and we saw it nothing different than being an orphan.

From every angle.

The stepmother of “mom”

was working at the public railway transport,

as a laborer.

My future husband was there. They told him that

“There is a girl over there; let': marry you to her.”

He was fifleen years older than me.

Seems I was leflto be sold in the clearance sale.

When I married, “my parents” were not even there.

His step mother was there.

They did not prepare me a dowry, even a quilt.

I still don't get it.

They hurriedly made me marry and I lefl.

The man that I married

was working at the railway.

He did not have any fortune.

He had an uncle. They were from Erzurum.

He was retired from the railway, a chief.

He took me to his house.

We had no home, no money.

What kind of marriage was it?

I was ignorant, I did not know anything.

My lieutenant “father” was appointed to Erzurum.

We went there hoping to find ajob.

We went, but they did not take care of us there.

They did not meddle in my life again any more.

Everyone was in his own business.

I needed 10 liras

but I asked it from the equerry.

“My mother” had an equerry.

At the time, every officer had his own equerry.

I asked 10 liras from this man,

I could not ask it from them.

Later I gave the soldier': money back.

Misery, my dear! We suffered a lot!

I borrowed money and came to Istanbul.

I sold my quilt to one of my neighbour

and had 25 liras in return.

He came to Istanbul.

Asking around, he found ajob as janitor in Taksim.

We came here and he worked a lot.

Forgive me to say, I was two-months pregnant then,

but I was not even aware of it.

We lived our life.

Suffering, suffering, suffering. I suffered all my life.

He has beat me a lot.

Once in a while, when he got angry, he called me “Redhead”.

Oh, when he got angry...

He beat me everyday. He drank and then beat me.

I was working then,

he would say, give the money, I will buy a drink and sit down.

Is there still such kind of men around?

Well, seems there are.

Look at my life in a rose garden!

I have two children I sacrificed my life for them.

What happened? They grew up and look,

I have two leonine children, I have a daughter and a son.

But I sacrificed myself for them.

I have become an uneducated human being.

Ifthey would have given me an education,

my whole life would be a novel.

They write such kinds of novels.

I would have written a novel of my life starting from my childhood.

But I remained uneducated and I could not achieve anything.

Just because I was not educated.

Afler seventy five years,

when my mother became eighty

and is able to analyse

and to talk about these incidents

I questioned myself.

My mother did not remember anything.

To my father, it was a humiliating issue.

Grandpa and Miss Sabiha

only praised themselves for saving my mother.

When I tried to ask a question

on the campaign there,

they would end the conversation.

Because there was no ambience to talk about this issue

we were not aware of any right to question it.

There was a potential sense of guilt.

When I told her, that she would have

the chance in this journey to past

to see every place,

that she remembers,

she was as happy as a child listening to a fairy tale.

It means that

the most important issue of our lives would

come to the agenda at the end of our life.

I mean, from my mother': point ofview.

If on ourjourney to Tunceli

something would happen to us in case we got sick

then - I know that it sounds emotional, but-

don't bring us back to Istanbul.

I want us to be buried in the ground in that soil.

I feel like my real essence belongs to that place.

I feel like I have lived a life, which did not belong to me.

My older brother...

My greatest sorrow is him. He came with me. How did I lose him?

How could I not protect him? I feel sorry for that.

Every child wants to visit his parents.

On every prayer I say a prayer for them.

What else can I do?

What happened to their bones?

I could not put their bones to a grave and visit the graveyard.

They have become earth.

Allah may not give anyone such kind of sorrow!

Tilllilk (Siltlilce) Village

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Welcome to your hometown, - Thank you. How are you?

Are you from here? -I am from here.

But I was not born in 1938 yet.

How old are you?

I am 72 years old.

I will tell you what our fathers and grandfathers told us.

Two ofthe daughters of my father': uncle

have been taken

by the lieutenants from this village.

Yes?

Of course they have been investigated.

Did you find them?

We've found a trace in Bursa,

but then we were told that they were in Mersin.

Their brothers found one oftheir sisters,

but could not find the other sibling.

Here, nearly one hundred people were thrown from the rocks.

Others were taken to merge place of two Munzurs rivers.

They were brought to Margik.

You came to the lower area there.

Once, this place was full of military tents.

This opposite side was full oftents. Up to the old police station...

The police station which was burnt.

Then, again, they evacuated the villages.

As you can see, it': all in ruins. All broken down.

From there, people migrated to different places.

For example, there were at least twenty-thirty houses.

Now you cannot find even one.

I have not been here since 75 years. 75 years.

When you look around, you can see a few houses.

They are not old ones, right? -Not even one.

I would surely guess when I have a look at mountains.

A closed door...

You don't know what lies behind the door.

One option is to live your whole life without curiosity

and the other option is to open the door.

And behind it, there can be treasure storage

or a storage full oftrash.

Neither one ofthem makes you so happy,

nor does the other one make you so sad.

What': important in here is to see what': behind the door

Tilllilk (Siltlilce) Village- Vanarig: (Suvat) district

My sweet mum and dad!

I couldn't find you, went away and stay behind, what can I do?

The nature of earth: I lost my mum and dad.

I was lefl behind. What can I do?

I have never really experienced the love of my parents.

I was a little child...

They are gone, my mum and my dad...

There we had a large gate

Wooden but large.

We came in and went out through this door.

It': that way where my mum and dad slept together.

Their place was slightly high.

Me and my elder brother were sleeping on the ground.

There was a huge stove.

This stove illuminating us. Wood was burning.

There were animals on this side.

This space from here up to there

belonged to us, was our property.

We climbed mountains and escarpments.

There was a road over there,

a path.

We turned out animals for pasture.

We went down this way

straight to our house.

Thank you very much for coming here.

Thank you. Are you living here?

Yes, yes.

I have heard ofyou and came quickly.

I am the daughter ofthat Hilseyin.

We lived here. There was a neighbor here.

There was no neighbor - There was.

My grandfather': family was living up there.

There was a house over there. - There was no house!

In my time there was one, my dear!

I am sure. You confuse with another place.

They all lived here in the past...

Was before my time or afler my time here?

Before, before, in the days.

How long before? Before 1938?

You mean earlier. Our time was '38.

In this house here

lived the Haydaran family,

in the other one the Demenan family.

The soldiers arrested us and brought us away.

From this house? - Yes, from this house.

We were arrested and deported.

We never came back.

Who will come back? Who has ever come back?

They burned our houses, nobody remained...

They've done us wrong!

Those who survived hid themselves behind big stones.

They were Sunni Moslems,

otherwise they would not have been saved.

"Islam is salvation!" That's how they have been saved.

Nobody was lefl behind.

They gathered all from Tilllilk

to kill including Yusuf Agha

ls there anyone deported from here?

They took off all. - But there weren't too many here.

Not here. - Maybe in another place.

They gathered and took away all oldsters.

They were too many.

We saw about 200, at least more than 100.

They deported them all together,

they were from Tilllilk.

They deported the extended family of Kamer Agha...

We came here from another place.

You came here from Haydaran.

The Hilseyin with my parents,

I realized, he is from Haydaran.

This there was the meadow of your parents!

Where lived those from Haydaran?

Around Vartinik, Boyer,

the Mountain Jel, do you see?

These are the places of Haydaran

We came from there and passed away.

You were little children when they deported you...

I don't know...

Welcome

Are you son of my uncle?

Yes.

Sit down please, you're welcome...

Have you ever seen me? - What? -

I once came to your house.

I remember two uncles, living next to each other.

Do you remember? I was a little child.

While you were a little child, my father told about relatives there.

'Soldier comes and will kill the people'.

Don't stay on mountains, come here.

In our neighborhood, there were my father, and two of his brother.

We lefl everything behind and came with seven family members.

Each of us took one cup

and went to Pax.

Then a massacre started, all were killed.

As little child I came once to your house.

So, do you remember how many houses

were there in our hometown, De§t?

Do you know?

One of my uncles were residing in one section,

the other in the other one, widely spread... - Yes -

Do you understand? A vast area...

You atone end, he atthe other end.

I saw them once and went to Tilllilk.

We lived there for some time.

They came and deported all of us.

My mother, father, older brother...

They killed them. Those were days, oh my god

My father told your father, “Kamer,

let': three of us go there”.

They said “No, we will not leave our place”.

Where would they go?

Remember, we came

My father said to the uncles: “Let”: three of us go there”.

They said “No, we will not leave our place”.

Yes. But then they took them away.

Then they killed them. They shot us here.

How could they...

as if we were enemies...

How come that you researched for your homeland?

I oflen thought to come to this homeland.

Fortunately Mr. Kazlm came out ofthe blue.

I came and found here thanks to him.

Otherwise, how could I do that?

I came and found here thanks to him.

Thank you very much! May God bless him.

Is that right, you're son of my uncle?

Blood drew you up here, to researcher your homeland

whom of my dearest may I find...

Didn't you have any other sibling?

They killed my siblings in 1938.

You survived.

I was exactly 15 in 1938.

15?

Yes, 15.

Don't you remember me? We came to your house.

I remember, but maybe you were killed, since nobody could survive...

Do you remember that I came to your house?- I remember-

that your uncle Hilseyin came?

I remember, I remember but

in the massacre later they may have killed all.

We could have died all, but

God allowed, I survived.

There was an aunt, where is she now?

She was alive for years, she recently died.

I forgot my aunt.

Afler the lieutenant had adopted me, they came to take me back.

I didn't go. Didn't go.

I don't know why, Child': play, a chilled atthe age of5.

I ran away to the lefl and right...

You were luckyto be 15, quite old.

When your blood is telling you something

you will find someone.

Find our relatives.

Speak in Turkish. I don't understand.

L'm speaking in Turkish. - Yes, what did you say?

When your blood is telling you something, - Does it?-

He becomes a relative.

I say that you resemble your mum...

Now, l'm speaking in Turkish, I cannot read and write.

Okay, yeah. - In 1938, in our Haydaran -

nobody did know Turkish. Don't blame me!

Either I got much education, only till the 4th class ofthe primary school.

There was no school in our days.

I learnt Turkish aflerwards in Kogzankog.

In our Haydaran there have been no possibility.

Look at the tide oftime...

Look, the family who adopted me.

The wife ofthe lieutenant,

this is their child

and this is me...

I look grown in this photo, I was slightly younger

in this photo I am older.

Do I resemble my mum?

So much, so much

But, this is my older age!

Yes you resemble as you get older! - Really?

You do. You experienced orphan hood, many sufferings...

Yes, I stayed around, slept on the streets

lfone has suffered

I came back to my house but I could n't find it.

I suffered a lot, lived in misery

I patiently endured difficulties while growing.

Everyone has to suffer his own fate.

This is inevitable.

Welcome. - l'm honored.

Are you my aunt? Aunt

Look, at our people Hilseyin...

Come here. Come.

Sit down over her, uncle.

Welcome. - l'm honored.

How are you?

Thank you, fine, l'm fine. What about you?

L'm fine as well, thank you,

Let me kiss your hand... - Thank you.

I lost my mum, you are my mum from now on.

Where is your mum? Ooo, she is dead, dead.

Six years ago... Deepest sympathy! - Thank you!

Right... My mother': name is Aze...

Your mum was my aunt. Was she?

No, my mum is the daughter of your uncle.

My parents didn't tell us anything.

My uncle told a little bit aflerwards.

Not to develop a grudge in the children. - Yes, precisely.

Look, you're educated.

They didn't make an affair of it in order that

they might not develop a grudge in the children.

That's why they did not talk about!

How much paid have we suffered...

How many nice people don't live anymore!

How could I find you? From where?

I couldn't find even ifl came here; impossible.

I don't know your name.

I have an aunt. Your mum is daughter of my aunt.

She went away and survived somehow.

I know nothing about it.

You don't know, because they didn't tell it to you.

They took off my dad and killed him

around Pax Police Office, do you know this?

Just like they do it today,

saying 'terrorists come', and people are very much afraid.

The village headmen went out to say “enough is enoughl”.

And so slaughter slightly slew down.

All right uncle...

Do you remember this girl, daughter of your uncle?

Do you know her name? She was from village De§t?

Do you remember?

I don't remember her name, for God': sake.

Do you remember names of her brothers?

I remember: one was Hldlr and the other was Seyid Ali.

Remember now, this girl': name was Elif.

How many brothers did you have? - One older and one little brother;

We were three siblings.

Do you remember the names?

No I don't. - The names ofyour brothers? - No!

What was your name then?

What was it? Emo§... No Elif.

What': your current name?

Now it': Emine butthe ID Card says Emo§...

How did they call you in the village, in Tilllilk?

He said, they called “Elif”. I didn't remember it.

They called me “Elif”. I don't know.

Atthe ID office, my “father”

- I called him “father” now. - he went and

brought my ID with De§t as birthplace.

Surname: “Gillver”. I asked but ln our famlly was no "Gillver".

Which means, they invented the name “Gillver”?

Name ofthe mother: Hatice Name ofthe father: dead Hilseyin

Birth registry record of Mustafa Kagar, uncle of Emo§ Gillver

Date ofdeath: 00.00.1938

Date of death: alive

I had no family... Here I found you...

Hilseyin and you. Here we have a family.

Before I came here, I prepared my heart and my mind

to every feeling that a human being can feel;

good, bad, nice, exiting, pleasing, sorrowful and sad, stupefaction and shock.

I tried to learn as much as possible.

Cause I thought that the more I know

the more I would understand this place.

However, all this preparation is gone for nothing.

How did it happen?

Seeing people how they cried while they were smiling,

their eyes bright like a light at the end ofthe tunnel,

seeing how devoted, tolerant and forgivable they could be,

among each other and toward the society.

I felt like I was responsible for all these crimes.

We arrived about five in the evening.

We sat in here

it was an empty place without trees that time.

They made the women sit in the place,

they hide the men up to the mountain.

Me, I was walking around aware of nothing.

They installed four machine-guns,

put the bullets in them.

I went here and there. How stupid was I!

It was nightfall. Darkness.

The rattle started. Tuck tuck tuck...

I don't know how I succeed to hide in the bush.

No woman did any voice.

I could not find my mother in that crowd.

This is the place, where my mother has died,

below this rock has my father died.

The rock was as high as this. My father was lying below

at the bottom ofthe rock.

There was a small road over there.

My brother was standing near the rock.

The we crossed the hills up to the peak of one mountain

A smoke was rising up to the sky.

I assumed that they were burning...

Oh tide oftime!

We lefl our village and came to Pax.

We stayed here three and a half month, the they killed the people.

No one was lefl.

I went with a man for pasture.

I had a friend in Pax.

The animals saved me.

The morning that they shot the people down,

I came to look for my mother, father, sister.

Bu the water was just like that...

I could not... I was afraid,

Hundred and fifly people is a lot, all in a heap.

Filled up till the rock.

They had installed the machine-guns here.

In the middle ofwater, in the middle ofwater...

They've put the corpses in a heap, one upon the other...

ah ah stones

or one week, this rill carried the bodies and the blood...

The river was all covered with blood.

There was my father my mother, my grandmother,

my three sisters and a sibling of mine...

I could not see them among the bodies.

How could I identify the corpses in a heap?

I cried in here. But crying is good for nothing.

Doesn't help!

I lefl and went this road to Pax

and hide there.

What a tide oftime!

Here, I did not see my mother, butthe little Ema;

Her real name was Elif. I saw the little Elif.

I saw that the old Emo§ looking atthe little one.

My mother opened her feathers like a pheasant his tail

to show all its colors.

She will return to Istanbul with her tail open.

Related to my mother or not,

every place I have seen or been,

there were the mothers of someone.

There were their relatives.

As a human being,

I will carry the souls ofthose,

who lost their lives in this incredible slaughter,

as much as I can on my shoulder.

When I tryto figure out

what they have felt

waiting for death, going to death or when they died,

I feel as if my mind cannot stand to that load.

My Only hope is

that they massacred people

would be remembered with respect.

I wish that

this remembering day with respect

would be more crowded

than the number ofthe dead people.