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1
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Mr. President, Jim Gordon,
2
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,710
aka Gotham PD Commissioner,
aka the Commish,
3
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,378
but you can call me Gordo.
4
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,246
Sir, Gotham City
is finally ready to--
5
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,548
-[secretary] Please holdfor the President.
-Ah!
6
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,718
Sorry, I thought you were
the President.
7
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,252
-No, I'm his secretary.
-Well, yes.
8
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,299
Now that you say it,
9
00:00:54,299 --> 00:00:56,256
it makes sense that
the President wouldn't
answer his own phone.
10
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:58,491
Just that I don't often hear
of a male secretary.
11
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,127
-This is the President.
-Sir, I, on my own,
12
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:05,298
with no help from others,
definitely singlehandedly
took out the Injustice League.
13
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:09,236
Gotham City is ready to
rejoin the United States.
14
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,603
Gordo...
Can I call you that?
15
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,099
I'd prefer that.
16
00:01:12,099 --> 00:01:15,808
Gordo, according to my intel,
there's still one supervillain
who is running amok.
17
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,510
Harley Quinn.
18
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,647
Uh... she's nothing but
a polyp up my bunghole.
19
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:21,882
Irritating? Sure.
20
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,316
Uncomfortable? Absolutely.
21
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:27,688
Horrifying to sexual partners
and oftentimes a deal breaker?
Definitely.
22
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,456
But nothing thata doctor-prescribed creamcan't take care of.
23
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:31,926
-[camera shutter clicks]
-That is...
24
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:35,429
a lot of specific knowledge
about anal polyps.
25
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,055
You're talking to an expert.
26
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,433
Look, Gordo,
Harley Quinn caused
the downfall of Gotham.
27
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:40,640
She's a menace.
28
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,180
She strikes fear into
the heart of the public psyche.
29
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,405
If she's still out there,Gotham isn't safe.
30
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,375
Take care of Harley Quinnand I'll put Gothamback on the map.
31
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,311
I'm coming for you, Quinn.
32
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,528
[theme music playing]
33
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,825
Harls, if we're
going to talk about it,
let's just talk about it.
34
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,760
I mean, pssh,
if you want to,
I guess I could. Yeah.
35
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,662
That was... crazy, right?
36
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,263
[chuckles] So, crazy.
37
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:11,632
I've been thinking a lot,
and I think it was--
38
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,967
An impetuous,
spur of the moment thing.
39
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:14,967
-You know?
-Yes.
40
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,699
It was the adrenaline
of escaping, you know.
41
00:02:16,699 --> 00:02:17,699
I just think
it went to our heads.
42
00:02:17,699 --> 00:02:19,705
-Hundred percent.
-We weren't really thinking.
43
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:21,508
-You know?
-It's so weird and uncanny
44
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,376
how you just said
everything I was
going to say.
45
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:25,611
I think we just chalk it up
to a crazy moment
46
00:02:25,611 --> 00:02:26,888
where something
crazy happened.
47
00:02:26,888 --> 00:02:27,962
You know what I mean?
I mean, that's it.
48
00:02:27,962 --> 00:02:29,750
Totally. Totally!
It was so me!
49
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,818
It was Harley Quinn,
always doing crazy things!
50
00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:33,486
Always being impetuous!
Hey!
51
00:02:33,552 --> 00:02:34,587
Always kissing people!
52
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,823
-Muah!
-Ugh!
53
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:39,192
Disgusting!
You're not my type.
54
00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:40,927
Harley, are you sure
you're cool, or...
55
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:44,264
Yes. I swear to you.
I'm cool. I'm just...
We are cool.
56
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,399
Ugh, great! I'm just glad
we're on the same page.
57
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,000
I mean, I'm getting
married to Kite Man soon.
58
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,302
-You know,
so I gotta focus on that.
-Obvs!
59
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,972
Yeah, I'm super busy, too.
60
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,806
I'm like planning
my next move.
So many moves. All...
61
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,808
Almost too many moves.
62
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,478
Wow, look at that.
I'm actually late to
a move planning meeting.
63
00:02:58,544 --> 00:03:00,280
Oh, this is so good.
64
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,382
Harley, I'm just glad
we talked about this.
65
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,685
And I would never want
anything to mess up
our friendship, you know?
66
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,854
Yes, totally.
Yeah, especially not
over some kiss
67
00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,254
that, you know,
didn't even mean anything.
68
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,925
[chuckles awkwardly]
So, are you gonna
tell Kite Man?
69
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,661
[Kite Man]
How could you do this to me?
70
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,830
Babe, I'm so sorry.
71
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,665
Look, I meant to
call for a reservation
and stuff came up.
72
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,064
I said I'm sorry.
73
00:03:21,064 --> 00:03:24,905
Sorry doesn't get us a table
at Senor Mexico's authentic
Mexican adobe house,
74
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,707
which is my parents'
favorite brunch spot
in all of Gotham.
75
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,776
[object clatters]
76
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:33,379
-Babe, you all right?
-Yes. I'm...
I'm just... It's...
77
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:34,848
I've got a lot
on my mind right now.
78
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,349
Hey. I'm sorry for putting
so much pressure on you.
79
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,252
It's just the first time
they're meeting you,
80
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:40,788
and I want them to love you
as much as I do,
81
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,588
because, no pressure,
if they don't love you
82
00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:43,949
they won't approve
of the wedding,
83
00:03:43,949 --> 00:03:45,063
and then they won't
come to the wedding!
84
00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:46,727
Honey, I will make sure
that they love me.
85
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,229
Because parents
always love me.
86
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,396
I mean, not my parents
or any other parents.
87
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,399
But the point is
for your parents? Ah!
88
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,768
I'm gonna just
blow them away.
89
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,836
God, I love you.
90
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,473
Okay.
So, as we all know,
I'm super busy,
91
00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,608
I'm a crazy busy,
busiest I've ever been.
92
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,443
The question is,
what am I super busy with?
93
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,704
What's next?
94
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,914
I thought we were
gonna chill out and have fun
95
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,549
after we took
the Injustice League out?
96
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:10,794
Oh, yeah.
We're gonna have fun.
97
00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:13,687
As I become
the world's most feared
supervillain!
98
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,421
That's not you.
99
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,557
The gravitas just isn't there.
100
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,326
The gravitas is there!
101
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:23,497
Harley, first I want
to apologize for these pussies!
102
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,733
I, for one,
welcome you pushing
the evil envelope.
103
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,567
This is what
I've dreamed of.
104
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:31,071
If you want to do
some truly evil shit,
105
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,706
then I'm your guy!
106
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,507
What are your thoughts
on killing puppies?
107
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:35,942
-[both gasp]
-[bike revs]
108
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,877
Harley, I've come to
warn you about my--
109
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,880
-Wait, who are you?
-Um... Batgirl. Anyway...
110
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,139
All right.
You know what?
111
00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:43,951
As a community,
we should really get together
112
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,685
and start coming up
with more creative names.
113
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,262
This is bullshit.
114
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:51,490
Can I just say,
I love the stitch work
on your costume, girl.
115
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,093
[laughs] I see you.
116
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,360
Aw, geez, thanks.
117
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,062
Why the hell are you here?
118
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,966
Gordon's coming
to take you down.
119
00:04:57,966 --> 00:05:01,334
You are what stands
in the way of Gotham
rejoining the United States.
120
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,540
And I've come here
to warn you
121
00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:03,769
because he thinks
you're a villain,
122
00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:05,000
but I know that you're not.
123
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,807
What? I'm bad as hell.
124
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,074
Total villain over here!
125
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,500
Fuck, yeah!
126
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:12,379
That's the Harley
I've been waiting for.
127
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,899
Own it, girl!
128
00:05:13,899 --> 00:05:15,949
You did kick
the Legion of Doom
out of Gotham,
129
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,783
killed Joker,
got rid of
the Injustice League.
130
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,451
Those were
all heroic things.
131
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,588
This is what we
were just saying.
132
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,389
See? Batgirl gets it.
133
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,725
You want me
to melt her mind?
134
00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:26,790
I will melt her mind.
135
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,461
All I'm saying is lay low,
and hopefully this'll
all blow over.
136
00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:30,944
No time to lay low!
137
00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:33,365
I was just telling Ivy
how I am
a very busy person,
138
00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:34,577
and that's what I am.
139
00:05:34,577 --> 00:05:36,603
So I am going
to lay very high,
thank you.
140
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,605
Harley, he won't stop
until he gets you.
141
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,439
You heard about
what he did to Two-Face,
142
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:42,009
and Two-Face had
a whole mess of goons.
143
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,110
So, what you're saying is
I need an army.
144
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,081
No, that's 100%
not what I was say--
145
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,583
-You tell
Commissioner Gor-dumb...
-Nice!
146
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,817
...that I am
the baddest bitch in town.
147
00:05:51,817 --> 00:05:53,754
I'm Harley Quinn!
I'm impetuous!
148
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:55,422
I kiss people at random!
149
00:05:55,487 --> 00:05:57,091
-Muah!
-What's happening?
150
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:59,992
I am a supervillain,
and Gordon better sack up
151
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,995
and prepare
for an all-out war
with me and my army.
152
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,831
-Thanks for the heads up.
-No, again,
153
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,834
-that was 100% not
what I was saying--
-[door slams]
154
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,103
All right, listen. New plan.
155
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,569
We are gonna defeat Gordon.
156
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:11,872
We just need an evil army.
157
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,740
Anyone know how
we can get an evil army?
158
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:15,975
I am rock hard right now!
159
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,610
That's nasty.
160
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,779
Harley, what has
gotten into you?
161
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:23,817
Ever since you and Ivy
emerged from Bane's pit,
you seem unlike yourself.
162
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,752
Yeah,
you never said anything
about being a warlord.
163
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,555
Plus, where are we
going to get an army?
164
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,824
Especially since
the goons have unionized.
165
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:34,427
Nothing happened in the pit,
and I am absolutely being
totally like myself.
166
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:35,896
And no one is
getting in my way.
167
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,418
Not even Gordon.
168
00:06:37,418 --> 00:06:39,800
You know what?
I think I know where
we can get an army.
169
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,002
But it's some
real deal villain shit.
170
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,571
You got to
get your hands dirty.
Are you down to do that?
171
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,807
Bitch, please.
I am super down.
172
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,040
This is exactly
what I want to do.
173
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,810
I'm Harley Quinn.
I'm impetuous!
174
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,944
I kiss people for no reason.
175
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,048
-Muah!
-[King Shark giggles]
176
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,516
Yeah, you've made that
whole kissing thing
really clear, Harley.
177
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,119
Hey, sup. Uh, I don't
really care either way,
178
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,555
but what're the chances
you have a four top?
179
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,456
Four top is
restaurant speak for--
180
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,692
A table, for four people.
Thanks.
181
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,994
My little foodie.
182
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,562
Yeah, it's a three-hour wait.
Sorry.
183
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,029
[groans]
Oh, boy!
184
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,233
Um, babe,
those people over there
185
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:15,002
that look like a country club
fucked a yacht club
are waving at us.
186
00:07:15,069 --> 00:07:16,970
Charles dear, over here!
187
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,206
Mother, Father,
please meet the love
of my life, Pamela.
188
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,708
You didn't make a reservation.
189
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,211
-Mother, I am so sorry.
-Oh, God.
190
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:28,615
I had to have the credit card
company concierge read
management the riot act
191
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,151
and we still got stuck here
with the hoi polloi.
192
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,620
Our usual booth was taken.
193
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,788
Oh. You know what?
Let me talk to the manager.
194
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,057
Good luck to her, I say.
195
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,627
[couple yell]
196
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,862
Well, look at that.
A booth just opened up.
197
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:46,165
Pam, I must say,
I like your style.
198
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,666
Well, shall we?
199
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,970
Senorita, can we
get four mimosas
200
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,240
and an order of
your mashed avocado?
Gracias.
201
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:57,043
And if I don't
escape my shackles
in five minutes,
202
00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,047
I will plunge to my death!
203
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,014
Okay. Where's this army
you're promising?
204
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,884
Well, as you all know,
205
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,586
I have always had
a huge hard-on
for world domination.
206
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,588
-Well, that's on brand.
-Just disgusting.
207
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:12,024
And there is truly only one
foolproof way I've found
to get it.
208
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,526
That idiot in
the technicolor dreamcoat
209
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:16,297
has a device
called a "Mother Box"
210
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:18,899
that can create
a "Boom Tube."
211
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,033
We take the Boom Tube
to Apokolips,
212
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:24,004
where Darkseid
has a whole shitload
of amazing armies.
213
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,704
We kiss Darkseid's ring,
214
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:27,307
pledge fealty, blah blah blah,
215
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,942
he gives us an army
of flying monkey lizards,
216
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,078
and we take out Gotham
by supper.
217
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,246
Eff, yes!
218
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,914
I'm an eff maybe...
219
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,150
I find that plan
to have many holes.
220
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,986
How would one even
procure a Mother's Box?
221
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,855
[laughs]
I am so glad you asked!
222
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,791
Get ready for a BAFTA,
223
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,927
because you're gonna
be playin' a drunk.
224
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,663
A modern Falstaff! Perfect.
225
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:50,998
Company!
226
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:56,035
Ah! Oh, villainous, burp,
company
227
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,840
hath been, burp,
the spoil of my--
228
00:08:59,905 --> 00:09:02,142
Shut the fuck up!
I'm the director.
229
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,044
You stumble onstage
and distract security.
230
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,980
You just lost your BAFTA.
231
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,049
[groaning]
232
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,219
Then, while Miracle
is chained up,
233
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,854
I'm gonna go into his mind,
234
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,322
figure out where he keeps
the Mother Box and...
235
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,357
-Too late.
-Hey, you're not allowed
onstage.
236
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,958
[audience screaming]
237
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,594
It was just
in his dressing room.
238
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,763
So, hold on
to your barf bags!
239
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,264
We're going to Apokolips.
240
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,234
Ha!
241
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,101
There goes my
new year's resolution
to not bite my nails
242
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,971
or jump into any
inter-dimensional portals.
243
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,307
[Dr. Psycho laughs]
244
00:09:33,374 --> 00:09:34,640
Whee!
245
00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:39,846
[cheering loudly]
246
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,982
So... So, then I said,
"Did anyone call for kelp?"
247
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,652
And then I wrapped
Aquaman up in...
248
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,852
Can you guess? Kelp.
249
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,855
You are a hoot!
250
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,123
Isn't she, Darryl?
251
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,091
Charles is
one lucky son of a gun.
252
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:54,293
-Hell yeah, I am.
-Charles! Language!
253
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,897
Well...
But, it's kinda like
my catch phrase.
254
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,697
Well, then find a new one!
255
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,333
Yes, ma'am.
If you'll excuse me,
256
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:03,136
I'm just gonna go
wash my hands
before we chow down.
257
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,719
[whispers] I love you.
258
00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:07,073
Our son getting married
was a shock in and of itself,
259
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:11,378
but to find out his fiancee
has actual super powers!
260
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,148
[both] Our grandkids
are going to have
superpowers like us!
261
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,015
Oh, you...
So you guys have
superpowers?
262
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,351
Oh, sure.
I can harness
the power of cold,
263
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,354
and this one has
the old gift of flight.
264
00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:23,690
So, you can imagine
how disappointed we were
265
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:26,092
when poor Charles
was born... powerless.
266
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,028
Well, he has his kite.
267
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,095
Ugh!
268
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,197
Pamela, we want the best
for our grandkids,
269
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,200
and that is them
having superpowers,
270
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,701
not pretending to have them.
271
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,203
And you're the answer
to our prayers.
272
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,270
Well... [sighs] Good.
273
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,855
[grunts and laughs]
274
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:58,292
This is gonna be
the last mustache
you ever see, Quinn.
275
00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:01,028
Wow, that is a lot of guns.
276
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,163
Or, not enough guns.
277
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,365
Dad, I don't think
you should go up
against Harley.
278
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,344
Oh, that old saw.
279
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,870
[sarcastically] Because
she's a girl, and boys against
girls is unfair.
280
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,437
Um, no.
281
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,407
Because rumor has it
she's going to have
an army.
282
00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:15,142
Thousands of people might die.
283
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,710
You might die.
284
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,844
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
I see what you're saying.
285
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,178
Ugh! Thank you!
286
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,779
-I need an army!
-No!
287
00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,450
That is 100% not
what I was saying--
288
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,719
Oh, frick!
289
00:11:25,784 --> 00:11:27,200
[Gordon]
Citizens of Gotham!
290
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,523
You're here today
because you
answered the call.
291
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,791
We have an opportunity
292
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,960
to save our
beloved Gotham City
293
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:39,027
and get back
our rightful place
in the United States.
294
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,269
That means clean water,
fresh food,
295
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,337
and overpriced
Internet providers!
296
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,373
[all cheering]
297
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,307
But in order to do that,
298
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:52,446
we have to take down
the scourge
that is Harley Quinn.
299
00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,813
-Yes, Harley Quinn.
-[man] All right!
300
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,517
Wait, are you
cheering for Harley,
301
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:59,119
or cheering for
taking down Harley?
302
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,287
It's gotta be
taking down, right?
303
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,488
[crowd cheering]
304
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,322
[laughs] Okay. Good.
305
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,427
It was just
the way I worded it,
it wasn't...
306
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,261
Anyway. I...
307
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:11,365
For too long
we've allowed villains
to run our lives,
308
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,399
and they destroyed
our beautiful city.
309
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:17,037
Well, I will not
let that stand,
and neither will you!
310
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:21,264
-Who's with me?
-[crowd cheering]
311
00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,080
There was a war, vermin.
312
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,548
And I won.
313
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,985
Your future belongs
to Darkseid now.
314
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,352
[all grunting]
315
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,221
[screams]
316
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:36,990
[all gasp]
317
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,392
I'm giving your BAFTA to him.
318
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,094
[Darkseid]
You seek an army,
Harley Quinn?
319
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,096
-Um--
-Are you capable of
wielding such power?
320
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,100
-Yeah, I--
-The power to take away
a people's confusion
321
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,436
and replace it
with obedience?
322
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,504
-Yes, I--
-To liberate a people
323
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:54,006
and give them
one clear purpose.
324
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:57,009
One goal,
to die for your will.
325
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,916
Oh, you're done.
Okay yes,
totes to all that stuff.
326
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:05,351
Let me get that army!
327
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,821
Mr. Great and
Powerful Darkseid.
328
00:13:07,886 --> 00:13:09,990
I sense a great pain in you.
329
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,258
Nope, no pain. I'm good.
330
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:14,027
An anger, born from a want.
331
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,828
A want that was not met.
332
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,245
If we could just
move on to the--
333
00:13:17,245 --> 00:13:20,433
Are you trying to fill
an empty hole in your life,
Harley Quinn?
334
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,057
What is this guy,
my therapist?
335
00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:26,573
There are some holes
that not even an army
of Parademons can fill.
336
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,442
Definitely not.
All my holes are filled up
to the brim.
337
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,845
Nothing? Really?
338
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,179
Look, I'm just here
for that army.
339
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,980
So, you know,
what's the haps on that?
340
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,071
The dwarf did not tell you?
341
00:13:37,071 --> 00:13:40,354
Okay, I may have
come up here at a different
time to ask for an army.
342
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,955
-I didn't mention that?
-No!
343
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,291
And I am
a very active listener.
344
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,225
[Darkseid] You must
prove yourself to me.
345
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,596
He was too cowardly to do so.
346
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,364
The task is simple.
347
00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:52,899
Defeat Granny Goodness
in combat,
348
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,436
and I will give
her scepter to you,
349
00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:58,504
which you will use
to command the Parademons.
350
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:02,000
So, I just gotta
beat up an old lady
and I get an army?
351
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:06,841
-I can do that.
-[loud thudding]
352
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,549
Prepare to die!
353
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,985
[footsteps thudding]
354
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,355
And this is why
I got cold feet.
355
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,423
You got this, Quinn.
356
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:26,597
[grunting]
357
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,038
[both yelling]
358
00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:34,474
Ah!
359
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,455
[grunting]
360
00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:52,493
[gasps] I promised myself
I'd never kill an old person.
361
00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:54,495
I'd let the American
healthcare system do that.
362
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,496
But we need to
get Harley's back.
363
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,166
I fear Darkseid
clearly laid out the rules.
364
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,503
If she doesn't do it herself,
she does not get the army.
365
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,971
Don't worry,
she's gonna do it herself.
[cracks knuckles]
366
00:15:05,706 --> 00:15:07,474
You fools!
367
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,610
You thought some
little girl could defeat me?
368
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,078
Now get ready
for some cookies, milk,
369
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:16,549
and a lifetime of torture
in Granny's dungeon.
370
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,485
[laughs evilly]
371
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,288
Prepare to die.
372
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,293
[laughing evilly]
373
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,059
Yes, still got it!
374
00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:35,635
[groggily] Where am I?
Did I do it?
375
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,739
Yes, Harley Quinn,
you defeated Granny Goodness.
376
00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:40,173
Yeah, you did.
377
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,243
Huzzah! Harley!
You are a hero!
378
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,511
It was so smart of her
to play possum like that.
379
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:49,649
You think she unconsciously
flew through the air, idiots?
380
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:54,716
Rise, Harley Quinn,
commander of
my Parademon army.
381
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,201
Aw! Thanks, D-Train.
382
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,368
Uh, Lord, sir.
383
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,052
All right! Y'all ready
to hand Gordon his ass
384
00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,489
and show him once and for all
that Harley Quinn is Gotham's
true boss
385
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,224
and the baddest villain of all?
386
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,692
[roaring]
387
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,394
Yes. Yes!
388
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,763
Fuck, yes!
389
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,465
I mean, I did this,
but also fuck, yes!
390
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:40,466
Boomtube us home, psycho!
391
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,340
I have to be honest,
I am very scared about
this whole thing.
392
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:50,143
As am I. You can't tell,
but I've clayed myself.
393
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,346
[Latin music playing]
394
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,284
Whoa. Babe, you wanna
get frisky right here?
395
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,422
What about the 'rents?
396
00:16:59,422 --> 00:17:01,554
Why do you let your parents
treat you like shit?
397
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,057
What am I supposed to do?
They're my parents.
398
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,794
Let's do this again
next week, Ivy, darling.
399
00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:09,195
Don't worry,
I already made a reservation,
400
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,098
so Charles needn't
cloud his mind with
simple tasks.
401
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,401
-[both laugh]
-You know what?
402
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,236
-Fuck you guys.
-Beg your pardon?
403
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,671
Yeah, I said, fuck you.
404
00:17:17,738 --> 00:17:19,439
Because first of all,
I'm the one
405
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,173
who messed up
the goddamn
reservation, okay.
406
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,076
Chuck asked me
several times not to forget,
407
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,311
because for some reason
he cares about you two.
408
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,815
And then,
he took the heat for it
because he cares about me,
409
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:31,218
and for some reason,
what you two
think about me.
410
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:34,488
So, yeah!
He's a kind, loving,
supportive partner.
411
00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:38,491
And the only miracle here
is that you two ghouls
somehow raised him.
412
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,728
And another thing,
he's not lucky to have me,
413
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,328
I'm lucky to have him!
414
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,864
So, fuck off!
415
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:48,201
Hell! Yeah!
416
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,136
-See you at the wedding?
-[Poison Ivy chuckles]
417
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,773
Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Is that a Boom Tube?
418
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,676
Uh. Sorry,
just got excited and...
[chuckles sheepishly]
419
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,412
No baby, not that.
420
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,846
-That!
-Looks like it's
over the Dead Mall.
421
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,848
Hang on, wait, which way...
That's east...
422
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,717
No, it is. Oh, my God!
423
00:18:03,784 --> 00:18:04,834
Harley!
424
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,201
Dad, you don't have to do this.
425
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,605
If saving Gotham means
I have to gun down
another lady clown,
426
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,840
then so be it.
427
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:27,840
Wait. What do youmean another--
428
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,510
[all yelling]
429
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,846
[all grunting]
430
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:38,913
Oh! Probably be best if you
turn around your
merry band of meatbags.
431
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,887
And why the hell
would I do that?
432
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,799
[Dr. Psycho laughs]
433
00:18:42,799 --> 00:18:46,692
Gordo, I have a flying army
from a hell planet
under my control.
434
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:50,430
Well, I made my decision!
And I never back down
from my decisions.
435
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:54,300
It's a terrible quality
that has ruined most of
my personal relationships,
436
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,367
so bring it!
437
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,903
It's your funeral, old man.
438
00:18:56,971 --> 00:18:58,672
-Uh-uh, it's yours.
-Don't think so.
439
00:18:58,739 --> 00:19:00,440
Well, I do think so.
440
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,476
Feels like you're
overcompensating
for something.
441
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:04,577
Why is everybody
up my ass about that?
442
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,179
Nothing happened!
443
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,647
This is just
my Wednesday, bitch.
444
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:10,383
-Not buying it.
-I don't give a shit!
445
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,218
[Dr. Psycho] Fuck, yes!
446
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,421
My God!
Gaping sphincter in the sky.
447
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,455
[Dr. Psycho] I'm coming!
448
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,374
Tanks, now!
449
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:25,730
[screeches]
450
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,666
Uh-oh.
451
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:44,852
[screeches]
452
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,452
Ah!
453
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,700
[laughing evilly]
454
00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:01,801
Harley! What the hell
is going on here?
455
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,519
Yeah, while you were out
gettin' brunch,
456
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:06,506
I was beating up an old lady
to get a Parademon army
from another galaxy.
457
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,008
You beat up an old lady?
458
00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:09,910
She was super jacked!
459
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:11,979
And now I'm gonna
take over all of Gotham!
460
00:20:12,046 --> 00:20:15,715
So what, you really just
want kill thousands of
people just because?
461
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,851
Because I'm
Harley fucking Quinn!
462
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,385
I'm always doing
crazy things!
463
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,320
Always being impetuous,
you know?
464
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,855
Always kissing people
and shit!
465
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:24,391
This is just my Wednesday.
466
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,992
Yeah. It's actually Thursday.
467
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,828
Anyway, look. You know me,
I mean, I'm ride or die, but...
468
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:33,895
I mean, is this really
the ride you envisioned?
469
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:37,703
[screeching]
470
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,939
Uh, not exactly.
471
00:20:39,006 --> 00:20:40,641
What's the endgame?
472
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,307
What do you really want?
473
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,417
What the hell are you doing?
474
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:54,452
No!
475
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,763
[Harley]
The city's yours, Gordo.
476
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,333
I know what I want,
and it's not this.
477
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:10,037
We were gonna take over
the fucking world and
you're squandering it all!
478
00:21:10,104 --> 00:21:11,971
[screams] Ow!
[clanging]
479
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,217
Are you kidding me?
480
00:21:14,217 --> 00:21:16,076
Oh, I should have known
this was too good to be true.
481
00:21:16,076 --> 00:21:17,711
You got no balls, Quinn.
482
00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:18,878
Fuck this!
483
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:21,815
See you back at home?
484
00:21:21,882 --> 00:21:23,583
No! I'm out of the crew.
485
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,019
I fucking quit.
See you never.
486
00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:26,819
This mean I won?
487
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,521
I won! [laughs triumphantly]
488
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:32,358
This is why you don't
back down, people!
489
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,463
Look, I can explain
the whole Game of Thrones
Khaleesi thing okay.
490
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:40,166
All... All this has just been
me avoiding something
491
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,900
that I need to
talk to you about
492
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,903
and if I don't do it now,
it will be too late.
493
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:46,874
Look, [sighs] if you really
need to say it, just--
494
00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:49,108
Harley! Cool Parademons.
495
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:51,045
Hey! Did Ivy tell you
what she just did?
496
00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:53,413
How she's the coolest,
hottest fiancee
497
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,949
a regular guy
with superpowers like me
could ever ask for?
498
00:21:56,016 --> 00:21:59,720
Well, I mean, I wasn't just
gonna sit there and
watch your parents be assholes
499
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,855
to the man that
I want to spend
the rest of my life with.
500
00:22:01,922 --> 00:22:03,123
Mmm!
501
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,188
[metal creaking]
502
00:22:06,188 --> 00:22:09,096
Oh, buddy! Those Parademons
are dry humping a taco truck.
503
00:22:09,163 --> 00:22:10,864
I'm gonna go
snap a pic for Insta.
504
00:22:10,864 --> 00:22:13,500
Ah, man.
I love that idiot.
505
00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:15,468
-What were you
gonna tell me, Harls?
-Um...
506
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,470
We need to talk about...
507
00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,707
What you wanna do
for your bachelorette party!
508
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:22,209
Really? That's what
you wanted to tell me?
509
00:22:22,209 --> 00:22:23,476
Yeah!
38719
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