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1
00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:03,301
(children singing
"Deck the Halls")
2
00:00:03,368 --> 00:00:06,304
La, la-la, la, la, la, la, la,
la-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
3
00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:08,506
Yay!
Whoa, Daddy!
4
00:00:08,574 --> 00:00:11,209
La, la-la, la, la, la, la, la,
la-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la.
5
00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:13,245
(siren wailing)
6
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:21,019
(indistinct police radio
communication)
7
00:00:21,153 --> 00:00:22,287
OFFICER:
Okay, follow me!
8
00:00:22,388 --> 00:00:23,054
What's the story?
9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,656
The bomber's on the roof!
10
00:00:24,723 --> 00:00:25,823
Get him surrounded.
There!
11
00:00:25,891 --> 00:00:27,992
Uh, nothing.
Okay, what do we got?
12
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:57,589
I got him!
I finally nailed him.
13
00:01:01,527 --> 00:01:02,827
(sighs)
14
00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:07,632
That ain't the bomber!
15
00:01:07,699 --> 00:01:10,735
(siren wailing nearby)
16
00:01:10,803 --> 00:01:12,436
Get him out of here.
17
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:17,241
(theme music playing)
18
00:01:57,783 --> 00:02:00,852
REPORTER: Good morning. It's
Christmas Eve day here in Chicago.
19
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,855
Time to hang that mistletoe
and hit those stores.
20
00:02:03,922 --> 00:02:06,925
The temperature stands
at a chilly 33 degrees,
21
00:02:06,992 --> 00:02:09,427
but forecasters are calling
for things to warm up
22
00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:11,796
for Santa's arrival tonight.
23
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:14,633
In the news today, police
continue their search
24
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,801
for the elusive
Teddy Bear Bomber,
25
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:19,270
who has terrorized Chicago
for almost three weeks.
26
00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:21,106
(knock at door) Yeah.
27
00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:22,874
CHUCK:
Hey, buddy!
28
00:02:25,577 --> 00:02:27,145
Merry Christmas!
29
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,046
What's that?
30
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:31,215
It's a tree.
31
00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:33,518
You call that a tree?
32
00:02:33,585 --> 00:02:34,919
I bought it for you.
33
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,554
You bought that?
34
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,856
Well, it fell off a truck.
35
00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:40,125
I'm touched.
36
00:02:40,192 --> 00:02:41,660
I knew you would be.
37
00:02:41,727 --> 00:02:44,229
Wow, I see you've gone all out
with the holiday trimmings.
38
00:02:44,296 --> 00:02:46,631
Looks very festive in here.
Very decorative.
39
00:02:46,665 --> 00:02:48,633
Thank you.
40
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,869
I haven't exactly had
much time to do things.
41
00:02:50,936 --> 00:02:52,336
I see. You're in denial.
42
00:02:52,404 --> 00:02:53,471
It's understandable.
43
00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:54,872
How's that?
44
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,508
Well, it's your first Christmas
alone, divorced,
45
00:02:57,576 --> 00:02:59,777
living on top of a hotel,
46
00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:00,978
no social life.
47
00:03:01,046 --> 00:03:03,548
(inhales sharply)
Must be rough.
48
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:05,784
Thank you very much for
reminding me of that, Chuck.
49
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:07,551
Fortunately, I have a cure
50
00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,720
for your nagging
mid-winter blues.
51
00:03:09,788 --> 00:03:11,656
Oh, yeah? What's that?
52
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,591
Ta-da.
53
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:18,162
Lift tickets
to Wind Dance, buddy.
54
00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:19,964
You got ski tickets?
55
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,966
You and me out on the
slopes Christmas Eve,
56
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,802
couple of babes
in stretch pants.
57
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:26,671
I got my car back;
It's waiting down stairs.
58
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:27,938
Let's go! Pack a bag!
59
00:03:28,006 --> 00:03:29,274
You got ski tickets?
60
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,076
Yep.
61
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:32,710
Gare?
62
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:35,347
Gare?
63
00:03:35,414 --> 00:03:36,848
I can't go.
64
00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:38,316
Why not?
65
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,550
What do you mean, "Why not?"
66
00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:40,652
I can't go...
(cat meows)
67
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,020
(paper thuds against door)
68
00:03:46,725 --> 00:03:49,093
(cat meows)
69
00:03:49,161 --> 00:03:51,029
Come on, Gare,
one night out of town.
70
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:52,263
What is the big deal?
71
00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,264
What's the big deal?
72
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:54,766
You know what the big is.
73
00:03:54,833 --> 00:03:56,433
I'm stuck with this...
(waitress clears throat)
74
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,738
People need help
on the holidays.
75
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:03,074
This holiday, I'm stuck
serving up the help.
76
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,843
Not if you're not there
to do it, right?
77
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:07,712
I had an uncle who killed
himself on Christmas.
78
00:04:07,779 --> 00:04:09,981
Really?
79
00:04:10,048 --> 00:04:12,283
Well, was he depressed?
80
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:15,019
No. Just stuck his fork
in the toaster.
81
00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:18,556
(sighs)
82
00:04:18,624 --> 00:04:21,125
All I'm saying is, Gare, you
have the right enjoy yourself.
83
00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:21,993
Everyone does.
84
00:04:22,127 --> 00:04:23,761
Uh-huh.
85
00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:26,531
What are you doing tonight?
86
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:29,868
Waiting for Santa.
87
00:04:29,935 --> 00:04:31,169
Santa?
88
00:04:31,236 --> 00:04:32,904
Yeah. Why?
89
00:04:32,971 --> 00:04:36,141
So you actually believe
in Santa Claus?
90
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,409
In theory at least.
91
00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:40,644
In theory, you believe
that there's some
92
00:04:40,712 --> 00:04:41,979
fat guy in a red suit
93
00:04:42,047 --> 00:04:44,182
who flies around on a sled
and hangs out
94
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,517
with a bunch of elves.
95
00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:46,451
Yeah, Mr. Grinch.
96
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:47,752
And what do you believe in?
97
00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,821
Presents.
98
00:04:49,888 --> 00:04:51,155
I'll come back later.
99
00:04:51,223 --> 00:04:53,257
Thanks, Gidget.
100
00:04:53,325 --> 00:04:54,391
Listen, Gary,
101
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:55,960
are you gonna go
with me or not?
102
00:04:56,027 --> 00:04:59,464
Come on. The world can take
of itself for a day.
103
00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,999
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
104
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:05,870
GARY: An explosive device hidden
inside a child's toy teddy bear
105
00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:08,138
detonated today at BicentennialSkating Rink
106
00:05:08,206 --> 00:05:09,107
in downtown Chicago.
107
00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:10,909
(people shouting)
108
00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,612
Medic over here!
109
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,046
Move it!
110
00:05:16,114 --> 00:05:17,648
The explosion, which occurredat 10:45 in the morning,
111
00:05:17,716 --> 00:05:21,386
killed 20 holiday skatersand injured 50 more.
112
00:05:21,453 --> 00:05:25,289
(garbled radio transmission)
113
00:05:25,357 --> 00:05:28,326
Police revealed that the bomberleft a note in the wreckage,
114
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,896
but officials refusedto divulge the contents.
115
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,335
Now he's gonna become
a murderer.
116
00:05:38,403 --> 00:05:40,071
I'm gonna need your help, Chuck.
117
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,372
Fine. Fine.
118
00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:42,873
You save the world.
119
00:05:42,941 --> 00:05:44,175
Me? I'm going skiing.
120
00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:45,476
And do what?
121
00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:47,011
Chase around a bunch of bunnies?
122
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,713
You got it.
Uh-huh.
123
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:50,214
Look, this is too big.
124
00:05:50,282 --> 00:05:51,549
I'm going to need some help.
125
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:52,884
I'm telling you...
126
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,086
Qualified help.
127
00:05:56,154 --> 00:05:58,289
Yeah? And where are you going
to get that?
128
00:05:58,356 --> 00:06:01,626
I almost hate to say it.
129
00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:03,694
Say it anyway.
130
00:06:03,762 --> 00:06:05,729
Well, sir... No, no, I
don't want to hear it!
131
00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:07,865
All I want to know
is who is this guy?!
132
00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:10,168
Three weeks on this case,
he's running us ragged.
133
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,370
The mayor wants action.
134
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,905
Teddy bears, my butt.
135
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,339
Go on! Get out of here.
136
00:06:19,744 --> 00:06:21,145
Sir?
137
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:22,914
What is it?
138
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:25,249
The mayor's on the phone...
again.
139
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:27,485
Tell him I'm dead!
140
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:28,486
Yes, sir.
141
00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:30,355
And, um, there's someone
to see you.
142
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:31,689
What kind of someone?
143
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:34,459
He says he knows things
about the bomber.
144
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:35,627
Oh, of course he does.
145
00:06:35,694 --> 00:06:37,695
Everybody knows things about
this bomber except me.
146
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:38,929
Tell him to beat it.
147
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:40,999
He also says he knows you.
148
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,367
Me? What's his name?
149
00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:44,635
Hobson.
150
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,637
Remember me?
151
00:06:46,705 --> 00:06:49,207
Oh, no.
152
00:06:50,942 --> 00:06:54,378
Merry Christmas!
153
00:06:54,446 --> 00:06:56,214
Nice beard.
Polyester?
154
00:06:56,281 --> 00:06:57,481
Merry Christmas!
155
00:06:57,549 --> 00:06:59,917
Hey, Santa, get yourself
a real job, huh?
156
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:02,286
Up yours, Scrooge.
157
00:07:02,354 --> 00:07:05,489
Merry Christmas!
158
00:07:05,557 --> 00:07:07,258
Thank you very much.
159
00:07:07,325 --> 00:07:08,559
(humming)
160
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:12,230
Merry Christmas!
161
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:14,598
Merry Christmas!
162
00:07:14,666 --> 00:07:15,966
Excuse me.
163
00:07:16,034 --> 00:07:17,635
Is this your vehicle?
164
00:07:17,702 --> 00:07:19,170
Yes, it is.
165
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:21,472
Nice.
166
00:07:21,539 --> 00:07:23,408
Thank you. I'm going skiing.
167
00:07:23,475 --> 00:07:24,775
I don't think so.
168
00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:25,976
Excuse me?
169
00:07:26,044 --> 00:07:27,644
You're coming downtown with us.
170
00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:30,147
Scofflaw violation.
171
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,515
We're impounding your car.
172
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:34,385
(horn beeping)
173
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,588
(tires screech lightly)
174
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,859
A bomb? In the skating rink?
175
00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:42,993
Yes, sir.
176
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,028
This morning?
177
00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:45,597
That's right. 10:45.
178
00:07:45,664 --> 00:07:46,698
But it hasn't happened yet?
179
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:47,732
No.
180
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,100
But it's going to, you're sure?
181
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:50,501
Yes.
182
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:51,836
And you know this because...?
183
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,171
Well, I'd rather not say.
184
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:55,439
Rather not say,
because if you did,
185
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,575
You wouldn't believe me.
I wouldn't believe you.
186
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,510
Who put you up to this anyway?
187
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:00,644
What?
188
00:08:00,712 --> 00:08:02,646
Is this some guy with a sick
sense of humor,
189
00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:03,814
some, some comedy guy?
190
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:05,983
No. Look, I'm telling you
the truth here.
191
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,084
Oh, sure you are.
192
00:08:07,152 --> 00:08:09,720
Like all the other 87 hot tips
we got today, huh?
193
00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:11,656
No. Look, this one is real.
194
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:12,790
People are gonna die.
195
00:08:12,858 --> 00:08:14,625
I'm just trying
to help you here.
196
00:08:14,693 --> 00:08:16,760
Of course you are.
This is flat.
197
00:08:16,828 --> 00:08:17,928
Look, do me a favor.
198
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:20,331
Go help somebody else, huh?
199
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,965
Get him out of here.
200
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:24,302
Look, this is gonna happen.
Today, Crumb.
201
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,804
He's gonna leave a note.
202
00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:29,106
Did you say a note?
203
00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,275
Okay, talk.
204
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:32,910
About what?
205
00:08:32,978 --> 00:08:34,045
About the note.
206
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:35,279
Where is it?
207
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:36,681
What's it like?
Wh-What's it say?
208
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,015
Look, I don't know.
209
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,652
All I know is that
it's found in the wreckage.
210
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:42,453
Oh, like these were?
211
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,391
No one, not even
212
00:08:47,458 --> 00:08:48,459
the press knew about these.
213
00:08:48,526 --> 00:08:51,026
We're keeping it a secret.
Now, who told you?
214
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,834
I can't tell you.
215
00:08:56,902 --> 00:08:59,337
Eight of these in three weeks,
all addressed to me.
216
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:02,006
"Ha-ha-ha.
Fooled you."
217
00:09:02,074 --> 00:09:03,341
This guy's giving me headache.
218
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,009
Look, I'm sorry about that,
but what do you want me to do?
219
00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:06,477
You're sorry? What about me?
220
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,979
This is Christmas Eve.
221
00:09:08,046 --> 00:09:09,714
I should be home with my kids.
222
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,348
Instead, I'm sitting around
with some guy who thinks
223
00:09:11,416 --> 00:09:12,416
he's The Amazing Kreskin.
224
00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:13,584
And what's worse,
225
00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:15,453
I'm even starting
to believe him.
226
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,520
Now, is that nuts?
227
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,723
Don't answer that.
228
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:24,795
The Bicentennial Skating Rink
in less than an hour?
229
00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:26,998
Yeah.
230
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:30,368
No. We're staying here.
231
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:33,137
Sir, mayor's calling again.
232
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:39,943
I want bomb squad and S.W.A.T.
and lots of communication.
233
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:43,014
And warn the locals that we're
coming it in, but keep it quiet.
234
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,482
I don't want to cause a panic.
235
00:09:44,549 --> 00:09:45,616
Excuse me.
236
00:09:45,683 --> 00:09:47,051
Shouldn't you evacuate
the rink over there?
237
00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:49,086
On what grounds?
A little birdie told me?
238
00:09:49,154 --> 00:09:50,354
A little birdie?
239
00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:52,089
Look, people get cranky
240
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:54,425
when you shut down
their business on a hunch.
241
00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:58,329
Show me a bomb,
and then we'll talk.
242
00:09:58,397 --> 00:09:59,863
Me?
243
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,299
I don't know where the bomb is.
244
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:03,167
I don't know exactly where
it is, but...
245
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:05,436
Fine. Come on along for the
ride. We'll have a lot of fun.
246
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:06,236
Oh, no, no, no.
247
00:10:06,304 --> 00:10:07,171
Listen, Charlie...
248
00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:08,605
Gary. It's Gary.
249
00:10:08,673 --> 00:10:09,707
Whomever.
250
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,575
You're not walking
until I find this S.Jo..B.
251
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:12,810
You want to guess why?
252
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:17,982
Because it might be me.
253
00:10:18,049 --> 00:10:18,916
Bingo. It might be you.
254
00:10:18,984 --> 00:10:20,117
Get in the car.
255
00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:33,931
(indistinct police radio
communication)
256
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,701
Shouldn't you be solving murders
257
00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:39,170
or prosecuting drug dealers
or something?
258
00:10:39,237 --> 00:10:40,271
This way.
259
00:10:40,338 --> 00:10:42,072
This is ridiculous.
260
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,207
Who's this?
261
00:10:43,275 --> 00:10:44,708
Fishman, Charles.
262
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:48,979
Chuck, as my good friend the
congressman calls me.
263
00:10:49,047 --> 00:10:50,248
Which congressman?
264
00:10:50,315 --> 00:10:53,083
All of them.
265
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:56,353
Look, Sergeant, there's obviously
been some sort of mistake here.
266
00:10:56,421 --> 00:10:58,522
These Nazis took my car.
267
00:10:58,590 --> 00:10:59,990
Now, I am willing
to overlook this...
268
00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:01,425
What's he in for?
269
00:11:01,493 --> 00:11:02,259
Parking tickets.
(chuckles)
270
00:11:02,394 --> 00:11:04,195
See what I mean?
Parking tickets.
271
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:05,363
How many?
272
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:06,831
106.
(whistles)
273
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,666
Okay, so I park a lot.
274
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:09,867
It's a big city.
275
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,235
It happens.
276
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:14,038
You know, mail, schedules...
277
00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:16,307
I've been so busy lately,
278
00:11:16,374 --> 00:11:17,641
as I'm sure you have.
279
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:19,743
To tell you the truth...
280
00:11:21,012 --> 00:11:23,347
I thought I already paid.
281
00:11:23,414 --> 00:11:25,182
So just what tell
me what the fine is,
282
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,851
I'll pay it, and I'll be gone.
283
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,185
Too late for that.
284
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:29,886
Okay, then bail.
285
00:11:29,954 --> 00:11:31,722
How much is bail?
A couple of hundred?
286
00:11:31,789 --> 00:11:33,023
A grand?
287
00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:34,925
I'll write you a
check right now, okay?
288
00:11:34,993 --> 00:11:37,328
And then next week, after
I'm off the slopes...
289
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,762
That's up to the judge.
290
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,598
Judge?
291
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,166
Where?
292
00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:44,601
Court convenes early
Thursday morning.
293
00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:47,738
That's the day after tomorrow.
294
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:50,174
What is this,
some sort of joke?
295
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:53,343
A little Yuletide humor?
296
00:11:56,815 --> 00:11:59,216
Think of it as your
personal manger.
297
00:11:59,284 --> 00:12:00,617
You can't do this.
298
00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:02,453
This isn't Bolivia!
299
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,688
I'll call Johnny Cochran!
300
00:12:04,756 --> 00:12:06,323
Oh, great.
301
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:08,325
This is just perfect.
302
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:10,427
MAN: Think you got problems?
303
00:12:10,495 --> 00:12:12,496
I'm late for work.
304
00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:14,131
Yeah?
305
00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:15,432
And who are you?
306
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:18,903
Santa Claus.
307
00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:28,279
(children singing "We Wish You
A Merry Christmas")
308
00:12:28,313 --> 00:12:30,881
Okay, this is it. How much time we got?
15 minutes. Maybe less.
309
00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:32,850
Are you sure you don't want
to change your story?
310
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,251
No, this is going
to happen. Trust me.
311
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:35,853
Yeah, I was afraid of that.
312
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,621
Look, Crumb, can't we get
these people out of here
313
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:38,956
just to be on the safe side?
314
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:40,357
You like skating?
Huh?
315
00:12:40,425 --> 00:12:41,425
They like skating.
316
00:12:41,492 --> 00:12:42,860
They came here to skate.
317
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,695
Let's take a look
around first, okay?
318
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:46,931
Yeah, well, you
better look fast.
319
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,268
Oh, boy.
320
00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:53,603
Oh, boy.
321
00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:54,871
Hey, Aunt Marge?
322
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,507
It's me, Chuck Fishman.
323
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,209
How are you?
324
00:12:58,276 --> 00:13:00,844
Your nephew, remember?
325
00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:02,079
Yeah.
326
00:13:02,147 --> 00:13:04,615
Hey, merry Christmas.
327
00:13:04,682 --> 00:13:06,717
Yeah, that's right,
the scrawny one.
328
00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,885
Listen, Aunt Marge,
um, I'm in a bit
329
00:13:08,953 --> 00:13:10,688
of a spot here, and...
330
00:13:10,755 --> 00:13:12,623
No, no, no.
I'm not coming to visit.
331
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:13,858
Uh-huh.
I'm in jail,
332
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,526
and I've called everyone
333
00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:16,727
I know and...
334
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,529
(dial tone) Hello?
335
00:13:18,596 --> 00:13:20,664
Marge?
336
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:24,101
Cut off?
337
00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:25,936
Hung up.
338
00:13:26,004 --> 00:13:27,738
She's like that.
339
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:28,506
Who?
340
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:29,873
Marge.
341
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:33,043
You know my aunt?
342
00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:34,445
Oh, I know everyone.
343
00:13:34,512 --> 00:13:36,147
Been to the house.
344
00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,416
Oh, that's right,
because you're, uh...
345
00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:40,217
Uh-huh.
346
00:13:40,285 --> 00:13:44,588
Hey, can someone get in here?!
347
00:13:44,656 --> 00:13:45,956
I'd like to make a complaint!
348
00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:47,491
Sergeant?
349
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:48,526
His name's Eddie.
350
00:13:48,593 --> 00:13:49,827
Used to call him "Stinker"
351
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,595
when he was eight...
don't bring it up.
352
00:13:51,663 --> 00:13:53,831
He's sensitive.
353
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:55,999
Hello?!
354
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,835
Problem here?
355
00:13:57,902 --> 00:13:59,136
Yeah, I got a problem.
356
00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,938
When do I get out of rattrap?
357
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,106
Once we run through your files.
358
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,274
The computer's down right now.
359
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:04,642
Well, get it back up.
360
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,044
Have a little patience.
It's Christmas Eve.
361
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,345
Give me that cellular phone.
362
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,446
This is a jail.
363
00:14:09,514 --> 00:14:10,881
Hey, hey, hey.
364
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:15,653
(whispering):
What's with this guy?
365
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,521
Breaking and entering.
366
00:14:17,588 --> 00:14:19,023
We picked him up on a rooftop
367
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,357
trying to sneak down a chimney.
368
00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,126
Meant to clean
the whole place out.
369
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,895
It's not how it looked.
370
00:14:24,962 --> 00:14:27,831
Look, I don't want
to seem pushy,
371
00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:29,799
but I need to be going.
372
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:33,703
See, my sleigh's due pick me up
in a half hour in the park.
373
00:14:33,771 --> 00:14:35,472
And then where, the North Pole?
374
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:37,007
Oh, Thailand.
375
00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:38,275
You know how it is.
376
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:39,943
Once you behind on a gig
like this...
377
00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:41,778
Fruitcake.
378
00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:44,881
Well, a lot of kids are going
to be disappointed.
379
00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:47,517
You really believe this,
don't you?
380
00:14:48,986 --> 00:14:50,921
Well, don't you?
381
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,026
I think you're
out of your mind.
382
00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,531
Then you're going to get
a lump of coal.
383
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:04,435
Jingle, jingle, jingle,
jingle, jingle, jingle...
384
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,303
Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
385
00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:07,604
Ring-ting-tingling...
386
00:15:07,672 --> 00:15:09,206
Anything yet?
387
00:15:09,274 --> 00:15:10,140
No sign of it anywhere.
388
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:11,308
Did you check the lockers?
389
00:15:11,376 --> 00:15:13,610
Doing it now.
390
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,046
Well?
391
00:15:15,113 --> 00:15:16,480
We just got to keep looking.
392
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:17,814
It's got to be somewhere.
393
00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:18,915
Of course it is.
394
00:15:18,983 --> 00:15:20,083
Unless, of course, it ain't.
395
00:15:20,151 --> 00:15:22,886
What does that mean?
396
00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:24,888
Meaning maybe it's here,
maybe it's not.
397
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:26,123
Maybe it's on the moon.
398
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,524
Maybe you're the bomber.
399
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:28,525
Or maybe I'm just
out of my mind.
400
00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:29,760
Well, that's a
good possibility.
401
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,929
Let me tell...
Nothing.
402
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:33,697
All right, we're out of here.
403
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:36,133
You have some explaining to do.
404
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:37,701
What are you talking about?
You can't leave.
405
00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:38,702
Try me.
406
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,137
Look, people are going
to die, Crumb.
407
00:15:40,204 --> 00:15:41,605
Yeah, me from frostbite
if I don't out of...
408
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:44,374
What are you...?
Crumb, the bear.
409
00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:46,710
(laughs)
410
00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:47,945
My God.
411
00:15:48,012 --> 00:15:49,813
Don't touch it...
it's a bomb.
412
00:15:49,881 --> 00:15:51,615
Did I say that?
Everybody get off the ice!
413
00:15:51,682 --> 00:15:53,150
Get off the ice.
414
00:15:53,217 --> 00:15:54,818
Don't panic!
415
00:15:54,886 --> 00:15:56,487
Get off the ice.
416
00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:57,621
Everybody off the ice!
417
00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:59,856
Hey, little girl.
418
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:02,025
Come on, let me see
your bear, huh? Huh?
419
00:16:02,093 --> 00:16:03,193
That's it.
420
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,295
Get off the ice!
421
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:08,165
We'll be singing songs
we love to sing
422
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,200
Without a single stop
423
00:16:10,268 --> 00:16:13,671
At the fireplace while we
watch the chestnuts pop
424
00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:16,073
Pop! Pop! Pop!
425
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,374
There's a happy feeling
426
00:16:17,442 --> 00:16:19,977
Nothing in the world
can buy
427
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,979
When they pass around
the coffee
428
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,814
And the pumpkin pie
429
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:26,250
It'll nearly be like
a picture print
430
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,551
By Currier and Ives
431
00:16:28,619 --> 00:16:30,154
All these wonderful things
432
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,990
Are the things we remember
all through our lives
433
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:34,525
Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling
434
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:36,760
Ring-ting-tingling too
435
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:39,162
Come on, it's lovely weather
436
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:41,565
For a sleigh ride together with you
What's going on here?
437
00:16:41,632 --> 00:16:43,433
(siren wailing) It's gone.
438
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:46,036
It's...
439
00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:47,204
Come on, it's lovely weather
440
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:48,506
For a sleigh ride
together...
441
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:50,340
(whistling)
442
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:52,510
(jingle bells jingling
with steps)
443
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,651
Do you mind?
444
00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:03,420
The whistling?
445
00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:04,455
Sorry.
446
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:06,623
I'm concentrating.
447
00:17:06,691 --> 00:17:08,258
On what?
448
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:09,460
The list.
449
00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:11,962
Checking it the second time.
450
00:17:12,029 --> 00:17:14,298
I don't see any list.
451
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,499
Oh, it's in my head.
452
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:16,900
It would take forever
453
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:18,402
to put something like that
down on paper.
454
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,970
It's easier this way.
455
00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:23,641
It's kind of like that, uh,
movie Rain Man.
456
00:17:25,176 --> 00:17:27,311
Well, go ahead, you know,
quiz me.
457
00:17:27,378 --> 00:17:28,645
I don't have time
for your stupid games.
458
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:29,613
Of course you do.
459
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:32,182
You're in prison.
460
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:33,884
Go ahead, any name.
461
00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,085
Try it.
462
00:17:35,153 --> 00:17:38,021
Martin Garolowitz.
463
00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:39,856
Naughty.
464
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:40,991
What?
465
00:17:41,058 --> 00:17:42,993
Four years in a row.
466
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:45,095
Next?
467
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,500
Igor Strasofsky.
468
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,268
Which one?
469
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,403
The one in Budapest.
470
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:54,504
Father or son?
471
00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:55,272
Son.
472
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:56,273
Nice.
473
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,808
See? It's really not that hard.
474
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,609
See, I scramble the letters,
475
00:17:59,677 --> 00:18:03,380
then alphabetize them
into a code.
476
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:06,616
And, uh, how do you get there?
477
00:18:06,684 --> 00:18:07,784
Where?
478
00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:10,387
Two billion homes in one night.
479
00:18:10,455 --> 00:18:12,289
Well, uh, yeah, well...
480
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:15,759
I-it's really not that hard
if you work the time zones.
481
00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:20,297
See, it's tomorrow in Asia
when it's yesterday here.
482
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,232
Of course, you have
to wear a of watches
483
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,234
to keep it all straight, but you
kind of get used to that.
484
00:18:24,302 --> 00:18:27,537
And also, of course,
485
00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:31,375
those reindeer go
like bats out of hell.
486
00:18:31,442 --> 00:18:33,843
(whooshing)
487
00:18:36,881 --> 00:18:39,349
Help!
488
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:43,120
"Dear Detective Crumb,
watch out for thin ice."
489
00:18:43,187 --> 00:18:44,621
What is this,
some kind of a joke?
490
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:46,390
I think it's a pun.
491
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,958
You think it's a pun?
492
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,127
You know, ice?
493
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,328
Thin ice.
494
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:52,729
Get out of here.
495
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:54,764
You know what I think?
I this is getting personal.
496
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:55,832
Look, something's wrong.
497
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,101
It was supposed to explode.
498
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:58,835
This? The bomb... it was
supposed to explode.
499
00:18:58,903 --> 00:19:00,070
But there's no bomb.
500
00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:01,372
Very astute observation.
501
00:19:01,439 --> 00:19:02,639
Look, this guy...
he's following us.
502
00:19:02,707 --> 00:19:04,008
Whoever he is, he knows
where we're going.
503
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:05,309
He's... what
are you doing?
504
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:06,576
Looks like snow, Huh?
505
00:19:06,644 --> 00:19:08,712
You got any feeling about
that one way or the other?
506
00:19:08,779 --> 00:19:10,014
About what?
507
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:11,248
'Cause if you did,
508
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,383
you could be a weatherman
509
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,385
instead of, you know,
a deputy sheriff.
510
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:16,553
You still don't believe me, do you?
Look...
511
00:19:16,621 --> 00:19:17,521
I'm letting you go.
512
00:19:17,588 --> 00:19:19,089
Not that I still
have my suspicions,
513
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:20,991
It's just that...
you're making me crazy
514
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,293
with this should be,
supposed to be.
515
00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,729
I mean, what are you, one of
those, uh, Magic 8-Balls?
516
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,998
Look, Crumb, all I'm trying
do is help you out here.
517
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,967
Do me a favor. Don't.
518
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,505
All right, I won't.
519
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:36,607
Merry Christmas!
520
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,642
(softly):
You old goat.
521
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,250
Oh, no.
522
00:19:49,019 --> 00:19:50,354
Good-bye, stretch pants.
523
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,623
Good-bye, fireplace.
524
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:54,958
Good-bye, weekend in heaven.
525
00:19:55,025 --> 00:19:57,160
You're pretty broken up
about this, aren't you?
526
00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:59,296
Wouldn't you be?
527
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:01,765
My car's in hock,
my life is a mess,
528
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,267
and I'm stuck here in jail
with a raving lunatic
529
00:20:04,335 --> 00:20:06,003
on Christmas Eve!
530
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:08,806
Things just never work out
for you, do they?
531
00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:12,308
Who asked you?
532
00:20:12,376 --> 00:20:15,946
The problem is,
you don't believe.
533
00:20:16,013 --> 00:20:19,148
Could you just shut up?
534
00:20:19,216 --> 00:20:21,819
It's too bad.
535
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:25,723
You started out as a
good kid as I remember.
536
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,758
Of course, it's some time ago,
537
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,393
and there was that
538
00:20:30,461 --> 00:20:34,230
Christmas when you were nine.
539
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:35,799
Wrong.
540
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:36,800
I was eight.
541
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:38,301
Shows you how much you know.
542
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:40,169
No, you... you were nine.
I'm sure of it.
543
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:41,304
Eight.
Nine.
544
00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:43,006
Eight.
Are you absolutely positive?
545
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:45,675
I was eight when
I asked for the sled.
546
00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,711
Fine. Then were you eight.
547
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,680
Oh, yeah, that sled.
548
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,381
What kind was it again?
549
00:20:53,484 --> 00:20:54,818
I.I. Bean.
550
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,888
No. Flexible Flyer.
551
00:20:57,955 --> 00:21:00,156
Uh, the one with the...
552
00:21:00,224 --> 00:21:01,992
Fins on the back.
553
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,428
No. You're making that up.
554
00:21:07,832 --> 00:21:10,400
You're, uh, you're pretty good
at this, aren't you?
555
00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:12,769
Oh, I try to be.
556
00:21:12,837 --> 00:21:15,706
But you didn't get it, did you?
557
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:17,407
That sled?
558
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:19,208
Went to someone else.
559
00:21:19,276 --> 00:21:20,944
Inky Bowers.
560
00:21:21,012 --> 00:21:23,113
Inky Bowers.
561
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,382
I never liked that kid.
562
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:28,385
You always wondered
why it went to him.
563
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,721
Because you didn't believe.
564
00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:34,858
See, there's a price you
have to pay for that...
565
00:21:34,925 --> 00:21:36,393
not believing.
566
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:37,594
It's a big one.
567
00:21:37,662 --> 00:21:39,062
Okay, that's enough.
568
00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:40,597
Let's just stop right there.
569
00:21:40,664 --> 00:21:41,898
You're not Santa Claus.
570
00:21:41,966 --> 00:21:43,466
I'm not a dope,
571
00:21:43,534 --> 00:21:44,468
and I want out now.
572
00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:45,669
Hello!
573
00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:47,837
Sergeant...
whatever your name is,
574
00:21:47,905 --> 00:21:49,239
I demand to be moved.
575
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,974
I have my rights, you know.
576
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:53,844
I want a new cell.
577
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:55,612
Hello?
(bells jingling)
578
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,313
(groans)
579
00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:01,318
Oh, my God.
580
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,987
CHUCK:
Is he sick?
581
00:22:04,055 --> 00:22:07,424
Hard to tell.
582
00:22:07,491 --> 00:22:09,726
My guess is he's faking.
583
00:22:09,794 --> 00:22:12,696
But... I'll call a medic.
584
00:22:12,763 --> 00:22:14,231
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
585
00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:16,567
You're not gonna leave me
here alone with him, are you?
586
00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:18,669
I mean, what if he spasms
or something?
587
00:22:18,736 --> 00:22:20,770
I'm really not very good with death.
(scoffs)
588
00:22:20,838 --> 00:22:23,473
Oh, no, I'm serious.
589
00:22:23,541 --> 00:22:25,576
Hey, buddy!
590
00:22:25,643 --> 00:22:29,979
Oh, man, this has been
some day.
591
00:22:30,047 --> 00:22:33,083
(whistles)
592
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:34,985
(sputtering)
593
00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,691
Need to get to the sleigh.
594
00:22:40,758 --> 00:22:43,026
What?
595
00:22:43,093 --> 00:22:46,296
Waiting there, Lincoln Park.
596
00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:48,165
Got to get there.
597
00:22:48,232 --> 00:22:50,867
Otherwise, no good.
598
00:22:50,934 --> 00:22:52,135
Oh, man, come on.
What... what is this?
599
00:22:52,203 --> 00:22:54,004
(choking, gurgling)
600
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:56,173
Okay, nice try.
I know what you're trying to do.
601
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,108
You're trying to make me
help you
602
00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,776
get out of here, is that it?
603
00:22:59,843 --> 00:23:02,412
Gonna start coughing up blood!
604
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,847
Oh, no, don't do that.
605
00:23:03,915 --> 00:23:05,749
K-Kids depending on me!
606
00:23:05,816 --> 00:23:08,651
Need your help!
607
00:23:08,719 --> 00:23:11,354
No! No need my help! No!
608
00:23:11,422 --> 00:23:12,922
(gurgling)
609
00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:14,657
Okay, okay, fine! Fine!
610
00:23:14,725 --> 00:23:15,992
How?
611
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:24,167
Where is he?
612
00:23:24,235 --> 00:23:25,468
Cell number 38.
613
00:23:25,536 --> 00:23:26,603
What's wrong with him?
614
00:23:26,670 --> 00:23:30,040
You're the paramedic.
You tell me.
615
00:23:30,108 --> 00:23:31,708
My keys!
616
00:23:31,776 --> 00:23:34,477
(groans)
617
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:39,316
CRUMB: Anything else you
want to tell me about?
618
00:23:39,383 --> 00:23:40,484
Like giant spiders
or flying saucers
619
00:23:40,551 --> 00:23:42,119
No, just a bomb
in a teddy bear.
620
00:23:42,186 --> 00:23:44,154
Thanks. I feel much better.
What do we got?
621
00:23:44,222 --> 00:23:46,055
We cleared the building, plus we
got fire trucks out in front.
622
00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:47,690
Anything else?
623
00:23:47,758 --> 00:23:50,293
Yeah, my, uh, Christmas tree
lights at home ain't working.
624
00:23:50,361 --> 00:23:51,761
Get me some.
625
00:23:51,829 --> 00:23:53,363
The big, fat kind, not
the little, skinny ones.
626
00:23:53,431 --> 00:23:54,931
(chuckles) Yes, sir.
627
00:23:54,999 --> 00:23:56,233
So this is where
the little birdie told you
628
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,367
the bomber's gonna be?
629
00:23:57,435 --> 00:23:59,569
Yep.
630
00:24:06,010 --> 00:24:08,478
Excuse me, are you the detective
in charge here?
631
00:24:08,545 --> 00:24:09,479
That's me.
632
00:24:09,546 --> 00:24:11,414
Do you realize
what you're doing?
633
00:24:11,482 --> 00:24:14,318
You've shut down this store
on the busiest day of the year!
634
00:24:14,385 --> 00:24:15,318
So?
635
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:17,620
So, the owner is very close
636
00:24:17,688 --> 00:24:19,089
to the mayor.
637
00:24:19,156 --> 00:24:21,358
This time you're sure?
638
00:24:21,426 --> 00:24:22,559
Yeah.
639
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:24,127
No chance you're mistaken?
640
00:24:24,195 --> 00:24:25,495
No.
641
00:24:25,563 --> 00:24:27,997
Oh, be sure to get red ones.
642
00:24:28,065 --> 00:24:29,632
And nothing that twinkles.
643
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:30,933
All right, come on, boys.
644
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:32,402
Tear 'em open.
645
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:33,403
I don't believe this.
646
00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:34,838
What have we done?
647
00:24:34,905 --> 00:24:36,306
We just broke out of jail.
648
00:24:36,374 --> 00:24:37,874
I just broke out of jail.
649
00:24:37,941 --> 00:24:39,609
Me, Chuck Fishman.
650
00:24:39,677 --> 00:24:42,178
I've busted stir.
I'm a felon!
651
00:24:42,246 --> 00:24:44,080
Relax.
652
00:24:44,148 --> 00:24:45,915
You just did something nice.
653
00:24:45,983 --> 00:24:46,983
I did?
654
00:24:47,051 --> 00:24:48,285
You got a buck?
655
00:24:48,352 --> 00:24:49,853
No, I don't have a buck.
656
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:50,787
They took my wallet.
657
00:24:50,854 --> 00:24:53,189
Oh, my God.
They know who I am!
658
00:24:53,257 --> 00:24:55,191
What about your pocket?
Maybe you got a quarter.
659
00:24:55,259 --> 00:24:57,494
(bell jingling)
660
00:24:57,561 --> 00:24:59,095
Ah, good.
661
00:25:00,864 --> 00:25:02,532
Keep up the good work.
662
00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:03,834
Oh, great!
You know what?
663
00:25:03,901 --> 00:25:04,834
This is insane!
664
00:25:04,902 --> 00:25:06,135
I mean, look at you.
665
00:25:06,203 --> 00:25:07,537
You don't even
look like the guy.
666
00:25:07,605 --> 00:25:08,871
Where's you beard?
667
00:25:08,939 --> 00:25:10,907
You're a fake just like
all the rest of them.
668
00:25:10,974 --> 00:25:12,275
(groans)
669
00:25:12,343 --> 00:25:13,910
What? What's wrong?
What's wrong?
670
00:25:13,978 --> 00:25:15,679
You're not believing again!
671
00:25:15,746 --> 00:25:17,180
Oh, man.
672
00:25:17,247 --> 00:25:19,382
Go on. Take it back.
673
00:25:19,450 --> 00:25:22,218
Okay, okay, fine.
674
00:25:22,286 --> 00:25:23,486
Fine! I take it
back, okay?
675
00:25:23,554 --> 00:25:24,788
I take it back.
676
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:26,490
You gotta watch out
for that kind of stuff.
677
00:25:26,557 --> 00:25:30,694
Okay, all right.
Let's go.
678
00:25:32,029 --> 00:25:32,995
No bomb.
679
00:25:33,063 --> 00:25:34,030
You're sure?
680
00:25:34,098 --> 00:25:36,399
We're sure.
No bomb. No bomb.
681
00:25:36,467 --> 00:25:37,967
It's too bad.
682
00:25:38,035 --> 00:25:39,269
Want us to start
on the elephants?
683
00:25:39,336 --> 00:25:40,170
Skip it.
684
00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,104
Yes, sir.
685
00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:43,340
Any thoughts?
686
00:25:43,407 --> 00:25:44,774
I don't understand.
687
00:25:44,842 --> 00:25:46,008
It doesn't make any sense.
688
00:25:46,076 --> 00:25:47,244
It was supposed to be here.
689
00:25:47,311 --> 00:25:49,512
Maybe I can help you out.
690
00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:52,916
You see, I'm a policeman,
and you're a lunatic.
691
00:25:52,984 --> 00:25:54,851
That's why we got stuffing
coming out of our ear.
692
00:25:54,919 --> 00:25:56,018
Furthermore... That's pretty funny.
Let me tell...
693
00:25:56,086 --> 00:25:57,387
There's a phone call for you.
694
00:25:57,454 --> 00:25:58,955
One guess: the mayor?
695
00:25:59,023 --> 00:26:00,690
Correct.
696
00:26:00,758 --> 00:26:03,126
You got three minutes to
come up with an explanation.
697
00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:05,261
After that, I'm putting you
in a straitjacket.
698
00:26:14,105 --> 00:26:15,939
It changed.
699
00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:18,675
I don't get it.
700
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:22,311
("Jo. Tannenbaum" playing softly)
701
00:26:32,723 --> 00:26:34,957
(music continues)
702
00:27:00,585 --> 00:27:01,785
I got it.
I'm dreaming.
703
00:27:01,853 --> 00:27:04,153
This is all because
of some hot sauce I ate.
704
00:27:04,221 --> 00:27:05,154
I doubt it.
705
00:27:05,222 --> 00:27:06,656
Any moment now
I'm gonna wake up
706
00:27:06,724 --> 00:27:09,593
and find myself laying
in a gutter, drunk.
707
00:27:09,660 --> 00:27:11,461
Which would be
just fine with me.
708
00:27:11,529 --> 00:27:13,296
What are you doing?
709
00:27:13,364 --> 00:27:15,599
We're gonna need wheels.
710
00:27:15,666 --> 00:27:16,833
You're stealing a car?!
711
00:27:16,901 --> 00:27:19,068
Shh!
Oh, no, no, no.
712
00:27:19,136 --> 00:27:22,205
Look, I already got a record
because of you.
713
00:27:22,272 --> 00:27:24,875
And I'm not gonna add grand
theft larceny to the list.
714
00:27:24,942 --> 00:27:26,043
Fine! Go!
715
00:27:26,110 --> 00:27:27,911
You betcha I'm going.
716
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:29,178
But remember this:
717
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:31,981
If I am who I say I am,
you're walking away
718
00:27:32,049 --> 00:27:33,450
from the one chance
in your life
719
00:27:33,517 --> 00:27:34,984
to do something good
for the world,
720
00:27:35,052 --> 00:27:37,520
if that means anything to you.
721
00:27:37,588 --> 00:27:40,256
Think it does?
722
00:27:40,324 --> 00:27:41,992
Okay.
723
00:27:42,060 --> 00:27:43,827
Get in!
724
00:27:43,895 --> 00:27:46,429
I thought you said we were
going to the park?
725
00:27:46,497 --> 00:27:47,898
We missed it.
726
00:27:47,965 --> 00:27:49,733
We need to meet it
at the next stop.
727
00:27:49,801 --> 00:27:51,067
Where is that?
728
00:27:51,135 --> 00:27:52,635
Cleveland.
729
00:27:52,703 --> 00:27:55,338
(engine starts)
730
00:27:55,406 --> 00:27:57,841
(dial tone droning)
731
00:27:57,908 --> 00:27:59,943
All right, let's wrap it up.
732
00:28:00,010 --> 00:28:02,846
86 the dead bears, and
let's get out of here.
733
00:28:02,913 --> 00:28:04,013
GARY:
Hey, Crumb.
734
00:28:04,081 --> 00:28:06,282
Crumb, I found another note.
735
00:28:06,350 --> 00:28:07,283
Good for you.
736
00:28:07,351 --> 00:28:08,751
What do you mean, good for me?
737
00:28:08,819 --> 00:28:09,919
Don't you want to read it?
738
00:28:09,987 --> 00:28:11,754
No, thanks. Well, I
think you should.
739
00:28:11,822 --> 00:28:13,256
I think I know
what's going on now.
740
00:28:13,324 --> 00:28:14,557
Oh, that's nice.
I'm thrilled.
741
00:28:14,624 --> 00:28:15,691
You're thrilled?
742
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:17,026
Tell it to the new guy.
743
00:28:17,094 --> 00:28:18,928
Tell it...?
Wait. What new guy?
744
00:28:18,996 --> 00:28:21,865
The poor slob that they're gonna
bring in to handle this thing.
745
00:28:21,932 --> 00:28:25,068
Me? I'm gonna go home
and hang Christmas lights.
746
00:28:25,135 --> 00:28:28,071
You're gonna...
Wait a second.
747
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:29,605
You're off the case?
748
00:28:29,673 --> 00:28:31,007
The mayor wants results?
749
00:28:31,075 --> 00:28:32,608
I don't got 'em.
750
00:28:32,676 --> 00:28:35,111
See ya.
751
00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:37,580
Whatever happened
to Cabbage Patch dolls?
752
00:28:37,647 --> 00:28:39,515
Ah, the heck with it.
I need a drink.
753
00:28:39,583 --> 00:28:42,218
Come on. You're buying.
754
00:28:42,286 --> 00:28:43,787
MAN: Yeah, you do and
you'll clean it up.
755
00:28:43,789 --> 00:28:45,054
GARY:
Excuse me. Excuse me.
756
00:28:45,122 --> 00:28:47,857
WOMAN: Oh, come on.
You can't be serious.
757
00:28:47,925 --> 00:28:48,792
You okay?
758
00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:51,060
Yeah, great.
759
00:28:51,128 --> 00:28:52,094
Listen, Crumb...
760
00:28:52,162 --> 00:28:53,363
It's Christmas Eve.
761
00:28:53,431 --> 00:28:56,065
I'm off the case,
maybe out of a job,
762
00:28:56,133 --> 00:28:58,267
That's 30 years on the force
down the toilet.
763
00:28:58,335 --> 00:28:59,602
How could things be bad?
764
00:28:59,670 --> 00:29:02,072
Here, merry Christmas.
765
00:29:02,139 --> 00:29:03,939
Maybe you should get
something to eat with that.
766
00:29:04,007 --> 00:29:06,175
Like what, Christmas crow?
767
00:29:06,243 --> 00:29:07,810
Listen, you can't
let this get to you.
768
00:29:07,878 --> 00:29:09,345
Giving up is not the solution.
769
00:29:09,413 --> 00:29:11,047
Who says?
You know, this beer is flat.
770
00:29:11,115 --> 00:29:13,750
Somewhere out there there's a
guy planning on killing people.
771
00:29:13,817 --> 00:29:14,918
With what, love notes?
772
00:29:14,985 --> 00:29:16,986
Sooner or later,
he's gonna succeed.
773
00:29:17,054 --> 00:29:18,255
You know what gets me?
774
00:29:18,322 --> 00:29:19,622
It's not this crummy bar
775
00:29:19,690 --> 00:29:21,191
or the fact
that my bunions ache
776
00:29:21,259 --> 00:29:23,226
or that I staked my pension
on the word of some nut
777
00:29:23,294 --> 00:29:24,961
that reads tea leaves,
778
00:29:25,028 --> 00:29:26,863
what gets me is I'm never
gonna get a chance
779
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:27,898
to see this guy's face.
780
00:29:27,965 --> 00:29:30,033
I just wish
I knew how he did it!
781
00:29:30,101 --> 00:29:32,134
He was watching you.
782
00:29:32,202 --> 00:29:32,869
What?
783
00:29:32,936 --> 00:29:34,403
Listen to what I'm saying.
784
00:29:34,471 --> 00:29:36,739
This guy knew where we were.
785
00:29:36,807 --> 00:29:38,942
We thought we were following
him, but we weren't.
786
00:29:39,009 --> 00:29:40,376
He was following you.
787
00:29:40,444 --> 00:29:42,245
Cat and mouse.
788
00:29:42,313 --> 00:29:44,480
And you were the mouse, Crumb.
789
00:29:44,548 --> 00:29:46,582
All right, that's it.
He ticked me off.
790
00:29:46,650 --> 00:29:48,118
I'm gonna track this guy down
791
00:29:48,185 --> 00:29:50,153
if it takes me
the rest of my life.
792
00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:51,421
MAN:
Excuse me.
793
00:29:51,489 --> 00:29:52,322
Detective Crumb?
794
00:29:52,390 --> 00:29:53,523
Yeah?
795
00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:55,358
I have a message for you.
796
00:29:55,425 --> 00:29:58,194
(patrons gasp)
797
00:29:58,262 --> 00:29:58,895
Nobody move!
798
00:29:58,962 --> 00:30:01,765
Nobody move! Nobody move!
799
00:30:01,832 --> 00:30:03,133
Nobody!
(scattered screams)
800
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,968
Nobody move!
801
00:30:06,036 --> 00:30:09,773
Old man on the rooftop,
reindeers, too
802
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:15,145
To bring my merry Christmas
and happy New Year, too.
803
00:30:18,749 --> 00:30:22,252
I'm your Santa
and I am coming to town
804
00:30:24,789 --> 00:30:30,626
I am your Santa,
and I am coming to town
805
00:30:30,694 --> 00:30:34,163
I'm not used to steering
with a wheel.
806
00:30:34,231 --> 00:30:36,566
Gee, I never
would have guessed.
807
00:30:36,634 --> 00:30:39,135
Easy, big boy.
808
00:30:39,202 --> 00:30:41,404
Do you even know
where you're going?
809
00:30:41,472 --> 00:30:42,538
To the highway.
810
00:30:42,606 --> 00:30:44,607
The highway's down here?
811
00:30:44,675 --> 00:30:46,208
It's a shortcut.
812
00:30:46,277 --> 00:30:48,844
Go left at Angela
Monihan's house.
813
00:30:48,912 --> 00:30:51,781
The one with the
stucco chimney.
814
00:30:51,848 --> 00:30:54,751
She's naughty.
Nice...
815
00:30:54,818 --> 00:30:57,287
I wish Gary were here.
816
00:30:57,354 --> 00:30:58,755
Gary who?
817
00:30:58,823 --> 00:31:00,390
He's a friend of mine.
818
00:31:00,457 --> 00:31:02,925
Gary Hobson.
You know him?
819
00:31:02,993 --> 00:31:04,427
Natch.
820
00:31:04,494 --> 00:31:05,962
Okay, then tell me.
821
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:07,130
What's different about him?
822
00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:08,465
Different?
823
00:31:08,532 --> 00:31:10,333
Yeah, that's right.
Different.
824
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,869
If you're Santa Claus,
you should know.
825
00:31:12,937 --> 00:31:14,404
Let's see.
826
00:31:14,472 --> 00:31:17,073
He's got a mole in his armpit.
827
00:31:17,140 --> 00:31:18,675
What else?
828
00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,878
Batted .461
in Little League.
829
00:31:22,946 --> 00:31:27,083
He gets tomorrow's paper...
today.
830
00:31:27,150 --> 00:31:28,584
Oh, that!
831
00:31:28,652 --> 00:31:31,120
I thought you meant
something unusual.
832
00:31:35,826 --> 00:31:37,060
(woman screams)
833
00:31:38,329 --> 00:31:41,664
One more scream,
and I'll set this thing off.
834
00:31:41,732 --> 00:31:43,399
Tell them I mean it.
835
00:31:43,466 --> 00:31:45,100
Everybody be calm;
He's not gonna hurt you.
836
00:31:45,168 --> 00:31:46,302
(murmurs from patrons)
837
00:31:46,370 --> 00:31:48,037
He came in for me.
That's right, isn't it?
838
00:31:48,104 --> 00:31:49,739
You betcha.
839
00:31:49,806 --> 00:31:51,041
You want to tell me why?
840
00:31:51,108 --> 00:31:52,942
I thought we should meet.
841
00:31:53,010 --> 00:31:54,477
Fine, fine.
Nice to meet you.
842
00:31:54,544 --> 00:31:56,179
Why don't we go outside
and talk?
843
00:31:56,246 --> 00:31:59,849
You were following me.
844
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:01,618
Of course I was following you.
That's my job.
845
00:32:01,686 --> 00:32:02,986
And you,
846
00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:05,355
you were helping him.
847
00:32:05,423 --> 00:32:06,689
I saw you.
848
00:32:06,757 --> 00:32:08,290
Some help.
849
00:32:08,358 --> 00:32:09,992
(man chuckles)
850
00:32:10,060 --> 00:32:11,928
But I fooled you, didn't I?
I did.
851
00:32:11,996 --> 00:32:13,229
Yeah.
852
00:32:13,296 --> 00:32:14,930
I did.
853
00:32:14,998 --> 00:32:17,133
But we won the game.
854
00:32:17,201 --> 00:32:18,701
We won the game.
855
00:32:22,105 --> 00:32:23,339
That's right.
856
00:32:23,407 --> 00:32:24,974
That's right.
857
00:32:25,042 --> 00:32:26,976
You won the game.
858
00:32:27,043 --> 00:32:28,911
So why don't we end it
right now?
859
00:32:33,850 --> 00:32:37,086
Oh, because we haven't played
the last round yet.
860
00:32:38,555 --> 00:32:40,656
The part where we all go boom.
861
00:32:40,724 --> 00:32:42,759
(groans and gasps)
862
00:32:42,826 --> 00:32:45,995
In, uh, 12 minutes.
863
00:32:49,666 --> 00:32:52,068
CHUCK: Okay, I think I've
got this thing figured out.
864
00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:54,870
What's that? What we're
gonna tell the cops.
865
00:32:54,938 --> 00:32:56,305
Sorry.
866
00:32:56,373 --> 00:32:58,741
We plead insanity, okay?
867
00:32:58,809 --> 00:33:00,576
Well, you or me?
868
00:33:00,644 --> 00:33:02,878
We tell 'em you ate
too many French fries,
869
00:33:02,946 --> 00:33:04,380
you lost your mind.
870
00:33:04,448 --> 00:33:06,482
You abducted me
at gunpoint, right?
871
00:33:06,550 --> 00:33:08,518
I don't approve of guns.
872
00:33:08,585 --> 00:33:10,719
Except for the toy ones.
873
00:33:10,787 --> 00:33:12,355
All right, fine... a toy gun.
874
00:33:12,422 --> 00:33:15,224
We call 'em up,
and we turn ourselves in.
875
00:33:15,292 --> 00:33:18,227
And then we sell
the whole story to Oprah.
876
00:33:18,295 --> 00:33:20,530
Holy cow,
we might even end up ahead!
877
00:33:20,597 --> 00:33:22,465
I wouldn't count on it.
878
00:33:22,533 --> 00:33:23,933
(siren blares)
879
00:33:25,736 --> 00:33:28,437
(siren blares)
880
00:33:28,505 --> 00:33:30,239
(over speaker): This is the police.
Oh! Okay.
881
00:33:30,307 --> 00:33:33,376
Shut off your engine and put your hands
on the dashboard now. Okay. Okay.
882
00:33:33,443 --> 00:33:35,745
Just act natural.
I am acting natural.
883
00:33:35,813 --> 00:33:38,080
I mean, don't act
like Santa Claus.
884
00:33:38,148 --> 00:33:39,916
That's gonna be hard.
885
00:33:46,089 --> 00:33:47,957
Remember... French fries,
886
00:33:48,025 --> 00:33:50,894
Oprah, book deals, okay?
887
00:33:50,961 --> 00:33:52,795
Right?
888
00:33:52,863 --> 00:33:54,530
(tires squeal)
889
00:33:54,598 --> 00:33:56,165
CHUCK:
What are you doing?!
890
00:33:56,232 --> 00:33:57,667
I know 'em both!
891
00:33:57,734 --> 00:34:00,770
Neither of them is nice!
892
00:34:00,838 --> 00:34:03,139
Oh, no, I think
it's going quite well,
893
00:34:03,207 --> 00:34:04,974
all according to plan.
894
00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:08,211
I just... hope
we didn't forget anything.
895
00:34:09,479 --> 00:34:10,646
Hm.
896
00:34:10,714 --> 00:34:12,448
You watch them.
897
00:34:12,515 --> 00:34:13,616
I'll write the note.
898
00:34:13,684 --> 00:34:15,184
Let's see, um...
899
00:34:15,251 --> 00:34:16,886
This guy is nuttier
than a Snickers bar.
900
00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:18,988
We got to get him
away from that bomb.
901
00:34:19,056 --> 00:34:21,624
How do you suggest we do that,
ask him "pretty please"?
902
00:34:21,692 --> 00:34:23,359
Yeah, we could do that.
903
00:34:23,426 --> 00:34:25,995
Uh, rats...
904
00:34:26,063 --> 00:34:28,030
moles...
905
00:34:28,098 --> 00:34:29,531
bats...
906
00:34:29,599 --> 00:34:31,768
and weasels. Yeah.
907
00:34:31,836 --> 00:34:34,003
The hour has come.
908
00:34:34,071 --> 00:34:35,839
All right, that's it,
we got to rush him.
909
00:34:35,906 --> 00:34:37,006
Oh, yeah, and soon.
910
00:34:37,074 --> 00:34:38,741
Count of three. You ready?
911
00:34:38,809 --> 00:34:40,810
One, two...
912
00:34:40,878 --> 00:34:42,178
I told you not to move!
913
00:34:42,246 --> 00:34:43,513
I told you!
914
00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:44,547
Okay.
915
00:34:44,615 --> 00:34:46,783
I'll blow it now.
916
00:34:48,685 --> 00:34:50,653
Come on, Kriss Kringle!
917
00:34:50,721 --> 00:34:52,655
I'm right behind you!
918
00:34:54,024 --> 00:34:55,925
(distant siren wailing)
919
00:34:55,992 --> 00:34:58,260
This way. Why did we
have to ditch the car?
920
00:34:58,328 --> 00:34:59,695
Because you stole it!
921
00:34:59,763 --> 00:35:02,665
I was gonna give it back. Yeah,
right, and reindeer have wings.
922
00:35:02,733 --> 00:35:04,166
Only when they're pups.
923
00:35:06,936 --> 00:35:10,939
(quietly):
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
924
00:35:11,007 --> 00:35:13,977
Hey, you with the animal.
925
00:35:15,812 --> 00:35:18,047
I think it's time
we had a talk.
926
00:35:19,883 --> 00:35:22,251
There's nothing to talk about.
927
00:35:22,318 --> 00:35:24,453
Yeah, well,
I got something to talk about.
928
00:35:28,091 --> 00:35:30,960
I'm old, I'm tired,
929
00:35:31,028 --> 00:35:33,495
my feet are flat.
930
00:35:33,563 --> 00:35:37,266
You want to blow me
to pieces, hey, go ahead.
931
00:35:37,334 --> 00:35:39,769
I probably deserve it anyway.
932
00:35:39,837 --> 00:35:43,506
But before you do,
think about this:
933
00:35:43,574 --> 00:35:45,741
It's Christmas Eve.
934
00:35:45,809 --> 00:35:49,578
All over the world, people
are getting ready for...
935
00:35:49,646 --> 00:35:51,280
what, I do not know.
936
00:35:51,348 --> 00:35:52,715
Neither do they.
937
00:35:52,783 --> 00:35:54,183
But it's important,
938
00:35:54,251 --> 00:35:55,685
something worth waiting for.
939
00:35:55,753 --> 00:35:57,186
It's the same
940
00:35:57,254 --> 00:35:59,555
with these people here.
941
00:35:59,623 --> 00:36:02,325
They all got someplace to go,
somebody who needs 'em.
942
00:36:02,392 --> 00:36:03,459
Me?
943
00:36:03,527 --> 00:36:04,994
I don't.
944
00:36:05,061 --> 00:36:07,630
So why don't you let them go?
945
00:36:07,697 --> 00:36:08,898
You don't want them.
946
00:36:08,965 --> 00:36:10,399
You want me.
947
00:36:10,467 --> 00:36:13,202
So come on, what do you say?
948
00:36:13,269 --> 00:36:15,437
Make Santa happy.
949
00:36:19,743 --> 00:36:22,278
Santa?
950
00:36:27,551 --> 00:36:28,918
CRUMB:
Who the hell is this?!
951
00:36:28,986 --> 00:36:30,153
BOMBER:
I'll blow it now!
952
00:36:30,220 --> 00:36:31,921
Chuck, get the hell
out of here now!
953
00:36:31,989 --> 00:36:34,223
I-I can't. I...
954
00:36:34,291 --> 00:36:35,257
Oh. Oh, perfect.
955
00:36:35,325 --> 00:36:36,492
I'll blow it now!
956
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:37,860
Drop your guns!
957
00:36:37,928 --> 00:36:39,128
The guy's got a bomb!
958
00:36:39,195 --> 00:36:40,530
You heard him... now!
959
00:36:40,597 --> 00:36:42,831
Did he say a bomb?
960
00:36:42,899 --> 00:36:44,433
On Christmas Eve?
961
00:36:44,501 --> 00:36:45,868
That's naughty
962
00:36:45,935 --> 00:36:47,370
if I ever heard it.
963
00:36:47,437 --> 00:36:49,805
Look, please, do me favor,
huh, just this once? Please?
964
00:36:49,873 --> 00:36:51,808
Look, mister... look,
BOMBER: Stand back.
965
00:36:51,875 --> 00:36:53,676
I know you don't want
to do this.
966
00:36:53,744 --> 00:36:55,044
I know you-you
really don't want
967
00:36:55,111 --> 00:36:57,312
to do this. BOMBER:
One more step,
968
00:36:57,380 --> 00:36:59,916
and I'll set it off.
969
00:36:59,983 --> 00:37:02,084
Ralphy?
970
00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:06,422
(quietly):
What?
971
00:37:06,490 --> 00:37:09,292
Ralphy Melhall,
972
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:10,693
right?
973
00:37:10,761 --> 00:37:13,029
Uh, that's not my name.
974
00:37:13,096 --> 00:37:15,464
Well, sure it is!
You're little Ralphy!
975
00:37:15,532 --> 00:37:16,765
No.
976
00:37:16,833 --> 00:37:19,101
I am not...
I'm... Howard Phillips.
977
00:37:19,169 --> 00:37:21,537
Oh, that's right...
Howard Phillips!
978
00:37:21,604 --> 00:37:24,840
I always got you two confused.
979
00:37:24,908 --> 00:37:26,542
So, what are you doing here?
980
00:37:26,610 --> 00:37:29,244
Well, what does it look
like I'm doing? Howie
981
00:37:29,312 --> 00:37:31,014
Phillips.
982
00:37:31,081 --> 00:37:32,882
Who is this?
983
00:37:32,950 --> 00:37:34,149
I don't know.
984
00:37:36,153 --> 00:37:38,821
You know, you used to be
985
00:37:38,889 --> 00:37:40,989
one of my favorite
kids... nice,
986
00:37:41,057 --> 00:37:43,259
year after year.
987
00:37:43,326 --> 00:37:45,594
Very consistent.
Remember?
988
00:37:45,662 --> 00:37:49,531
I got you your
first chemistry set.
989
00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:51,767
(stammers softly)
990
00:37:51,835 --> 00:37:53,035
Uh, I don't rememb...
991
00:37:53,103 --> 00:37:55,304
SANTA: Oh, you remember...
it had all those little
992
00:37:55,371 --> 00:37:56,272
test tubes.
993
00:37:56,339 --> 00:37:57,607
Plus, I-I got you
994
00:37:57,674 --> 00:37:59,408
a teddy bear, too.
995
00:38:00,276 --> 00:38:01,411
Then...
996
00:38:01,478 --> 00:38:03,145
w-well, something happened.
997
00:38:03,213 --> 00:38:04,580
Wh-What was it?
998
00:38:04,648 --> 00:38:07,716
You're not really Santa.
999
00:38:07,784 --> 00:38:09,685
Oh, that's what happened.
1000
00:38:09,753 --> 00:38:11,821
You stopped believing.
1001
00:38:11,888 --> 00:38:15,057
Yeah, I remember the day.
1002
00:38:15,125 --> 00:38:16,559
I was standing in my workshop,
1003
00:38:16,626 --> 00:38:18,927
helping the elves
make Parcheesi sets,
1004
00:38:18,995 --> 00:38:21,864
when all of a sudden
I got this hurt, you know,
1005
00:38:21,932 --> 00:38:25,167
ache right in my heart,
like some little piece
1006
00:38:25,235 --> 00:38:27,870
of joy had suddenly
1007
00:38:27,937 --> 00:38:29,672
withered away.
1008
00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:33,075
Mrs. Claus said,
"It's indigestion, honey,"
1009
00:38:33,142 --> 00:38:34,877
but I knew better.
1010
00:38:34,945 --> 00:38:37,212
Oh, God. "Someone has stopped"
1011
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:40,582
"believing," I said.
1012
00:38:40,650 --> 00:38:42,284
It was my mother.
1013
00:38:42,352 --> 00:38:44,319
She was always...
1014
00:38:44,387 --> 00:38:46,922
It really hurt me, you know?
1015
00:38:46,990 --> 00:38:49,859
I mean, you stopped writing me.
1016
00:38:49,926 --> 00:38:51,627
Y-You stopped
1017
00:38:51,694 --> 00:38:54,563
even thinking of me.
1018
00:38:54,631 --> 00:38:56,432
Didn't you?
1019
00:38:58,602 --> 00:39:00,836
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1020
00:39:04,941 --> 00:39:07,710
Oh... c-can I see it?
1021
00:39:07,777 --> 00:39:09,278
Mm-mm.
1022
00:39:09,345 --> 00:39:11,347
Well, I'll give it back.
No.
1023
00:39:11,448 --> 00:39:13,115
I promise.
1024
00:39:14,517 --> 00:39:16,685
(whimpers)
1025
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:26,762
(whimpers)
1026
00:39:27,730 --> 00:39:31,500
(people gasp) Thanks.
1027
00:39:31,567 --> 00:39:32,802
BOMBER:
No! My bear!
1028
00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:34,670
My bear.
1029
00:39:34,738 --> 00:39:36,572
All right, cuff this guy.
1030
00:39:38,608 --> 00:39:40,242
BOMBER:
Oh! No!
1031
00:39:40,310 --> 00:39:42,544
Oh, God! Oh...
1032
00:39:42,613 --> 00:39:45,380
(loud explosion,
people yelling, gasping)
1033
00:39:45,448 --> 00:39:49,585
(people groaning, crying)
1034
00:39:49,653 --> 00:39:51,654
That didn't sound too good.
1035
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:53,288
Uh-huh.
1036
00:39:53,356 --> 00:39:55,924
(car alarms blaring in distance)
1037
00:40:01,798 --> 00:40:03,566
Oh, my God.
1038
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,675
(faint jingling growing louder)
1039
00:40:20,616 --> 00:40:22,151
(jingling)
1040
00:40:23,687 --> 00:40:25,087
(jingles)
1041
00:40:38,634 --> 00:40:39,535
Yes, sir.
1042
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:42,304
Yes, sir, that's right,
we got the guy.
1043
00:40:42,372 --> 00:40:43,839
"The city can awake
1044
00:40:43,907 --> 00:40:45,241
from its nightmare
of terror"...
1045
00:40:45,308 --> 00:40:46,708
that's very good, Your Honor.
1046
00:40:46,776 --> 00:40:48,911
Merry Christmas to you, too.
1047
00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:53,516
Well, congratulations;
You're a hero.
1048
00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:54,617
I owe you one.
1049
00:40:54,685 --> 00:40:55,751
You, too.
1050
00:40:55,819 --> 00:40:57,820
Plus that bozo who went bang.
1051
00:40:57,888 --> 00:41:00,323
Well, take your stuff
and get out of here.
1052
00:41:00,390 --> 00:41:02,658
Sir, he broke out of jail.
1053
00:41:02,725 --> 00:41:04,560
You want to explain that
to a board of inquiry?
1054
00:41:05,628 --> 00:41:07,162
Yeah.
1055
00:41:07,230 --> 00:41:09,965
Funny thing is, I still
can't believe he's dead.
1056
00:41:10,032 --> 00:41:13,135
I mean, I know he came
down in pieces, but...
1057
00:41:13,202 --> 00:41:16,838
a guy like that, he really believed
he was what he thought he was,
1058
00:41:16,906 --> 00:41:19,541
you know, and you sort
of have to admire that.
1059
00:41:19,609 --> 00:41:21,243
He got you.
1060
00:41:21,311 --> 00:41:22,010
Cynical me.
1061
00:41:22,145 --> 00:41:25,447
I thought he was
just a cheap con.
1062
00:41:25,515 --> 00:41:27,883
My keys.
1063
00:41:27,951 --> 00:41:30,219
He stole my keys.
1064
00:41:42,331 --> 00:41:45,433
Funny, your car was here
an hour ago.
1065
00:41:45,501 --> 00:41:48,738
Somebody must've took it.
1066
00:41:48,805 --> 00:41:51,073
Yep! (Sighs)
1067
00:41:55,645 --> 00:41:58,380
GARY: I think this is for you.
1068
00:42:11,294 --> 00:42:15,231
(orchestral version
of "White Christmas" playing)
1069
00:42:22,171 --> 00:42:23,672
CHUCK:
It's magic.
1070
00:42:23,740 --> 00:42:27,476
At least it is if you believe.
1071
00:42:27,544 --> 00:42:31,813
Which, I guess,can happen to the best of us.
1072
00:42:36,786 --> 00:42:38,220
Merry Christmas.
1073
00:42:38,288 --> 00:42:39,655
Yeah, same to you.
1074
00:42:41,291 --> 00:42:43,659
It all dependson being wise enough
1075
00:42:43,726 --> 00:42:45,894
to know your heart...
1076
00:42:49,532 --> 00:42:51,300
and young enough
1077
00:42:51,367 --> 00:42:54,703
to feel that old surprise.
1078
00:42:54,771 --> 00:42:57,306
I'm
1079
00:42:57,373 --> 00:42:59,675
Dreaming of
1080
00:42:59,742 --> 00:43:03,212
A white
1081
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,682
Christmas
1082
00:43:06,749 --> 00:43:08,684
With every
1083
00:43:08,751 --> 00:43:10,852
(cat yowls)
Christmas card
1084
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:15,824
I write...
1085
00:43:15,892 --> 00:43:19,094
May your days
1086
00:43:19,161 --> 00:43:21,964
Be merry
1087
00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:24,566
And bright...
1088
00:43:25,869 --> 00:43:28,270
(music slows)
1089
00:43:28,338 --> 00:43:30,539
And may
1090
00:43:30,607 --> 00:43:34,410
All your
1091
00:43:34,478 --> 00:43:39,315
Christmases
1092
00:43:39,383 --> 00:43:41,450
Be
1093
00:43:41,518 --> 00:43:43,352
White.
1094
00:43:43,420 --> 00:43:45,554
Merry Christmas.
1095
00:43:55,565 --> 00:43:58,867
SANTA (in distance):
Merry Christmas!
71791
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