All language subtitles for Dr.Strangelove.1964.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

[wind howling]

[man narrating] For more
than a year, ominous rumors...

had been privately circulating
among high-level western leaders...

That the soviet union had been at
work on what was darkly hinted to be...

The ultimate weapon, a doomsday device.

Intelligence sources traced the site
of the top-secret russian project...

To the perpetually fog-shrouded
wasteland below the arctic peaks...

Of the Zhokhov islands.

What they were building, or
why it should be located...

In such a remote and desolate
place, no one could say.

[jet engine roaring]

[machines clicking]
[phone beeping]

General Ripper, sir.
Group captain Mandrake speaking.

This is general Ripper speaking.
Yes, sir.

- Do you recognize my voice?
- I do, sir. Why?

- Why do you think?
- I don't know, sir.

We spoke a few moments ago
on the phone, didn't we?

You don't think I'd ask unless it
was pretty damned important, do you?

No, I don't, sir. Let's see
if we can stay on the ball.

Has the wing confirmed holding
at their fail-safe points?

Yes, sir. The confirmations
have just come in.

Very well. Now, listen to me carefully.

The base is being put on condition red.

I want this flashed to
all sections immediately.

Condition red. Jolly good.
Keeps the men on their toes.

- Group captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
- Not an exercise, sir?

I shouldn't tell you this,
Mandrake, but you're a good officer.

You have a right to know. It
looks like we're in a shooting war.

Oh, hell. Are the
russians involved, sir?

That's all I've been told.
It came in on the red phone.

My orders are for this base to be
sealed tight. That's what I mean to do.

Now, I want you to transmit plan R.

R for robert, to the wing.

Plan r for robert.
Is it that bad, sir?

It's pretty hairy.
Yes, sir.

Plan r for robert, sir.

Now, last and possibly most important,

I want all privately owned radios
to be immediately impounded.

They might be used to issue
instructions to saboteurs.

As I previously arranged, air
police will have lists of all owners.

I want every one collected
without exception. Yes, sir.

After you've done
that, report back to me.

[wind howling]

[alarm blaring]

[alarm continues]

[narrator] in order to guard
against surprise nuclear attack,

America's strategic air command
maintains a large force of b-52 bombers...

Airborne 24 hours a day.

Each b-52 can deliver a nuclear
bomb load of 50 megatons,

Equal to 16 times the total explosive
force of all the bombs and shells...

Used by all the armies in World War II.

Based in america, the airborne
alert force is deployed...

From the persian gulf
to the arctic ocean.

But they have one
geographical factor in common.

They are all two hours from
their targets inside russia.

[beeping]

[clicking]

Major kong, I know you'll
think this is crazy,

But I just got a message
from base over the c.R.M. 114.

It decodes as wing attack plan r.

R for romeo.

Goldie, did you say wing attack plan r?

Yes, sir, I have.

Goldie, how many times
have I told you guys...

I don't want horsin'
around on the airplane?

I'm not horsing around,
sir. That's how it decodes.

I've been to one world
fair, a picnic and a rodeo,

And that's the stupidest
thing I heard over earphones.

You sure you got today's code?

Yes, sir, it is.

There's just gotta be somethin' wrong.

Wait a second. I'm comin' back.

Maybe you'd better get
a confirmation from base.

Yes, sir.

Major kong, is it possible this
is some kind of loyalty test?

You know, give the go code and then
recall to see who would actually go?

Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet.

Old Ripper wouldn't
be givin' us plan r...

Unless them ruskies had
already clobbered washington...

And a lot of other towns
with a sneak attack.

- Yes, sir.
- Major kong, message from base confirmed.

Well, boys, I reckon this is it.

Nuclear combat toe-to-toe
with the ruskies.

Now, look, boys, I ain't much
of a hand at makin' speeches.

But I got a fair idea that
something doggone important...

Is goin' on back there.

I got a fair idea of the kind
of personal emotions that...

Some of you fellows may be thinkin'.

Heck, I reckon you
wouldn't be human beings...

If you didn't have pretty strong
personal feelin's about nuclear combat.

But I want you to remember one thing.

The folks back home is countin' on ya.

By golly, we ain't
about to let 'em down.

Tell ya somethin' else.

If this thing turns out to be half
as important as I figure it might be,

I'd say you're all in line for
some important promotions...

And personal citations
when this thing's over.

That goes for every last one of ya,

Regardless of your race,
color or your creed.

Now let's get this thing on the
hump. We got some flyin' to do.

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]
buck, should I get it?

[man] yeah, you'll have to.

[clicks]

Hello? Yes, general Turgidson is here,

But he can't come to
the phone at the moment.

This is his secretary miss scott.

Freddie, how are you? Fine. And you?

We were just catching up on
some of the general's paperwork.

Freddie, he's very
tied up at the moment.

I'm afraid he can't come to
the phone. Just a minute.

General Turgidson,
colonel puntrich calling.

Tell him to call back. The general
says could you call back in a minute?

He says it can't wait!

Aw, for pete's-- find
out what he wants.

Freddie, the general is in
the powder room right now.

Could you tell me what it's about?

Just a second. Apparently they monitored
a transmission eight minutes ago...

From burpelson air force base.

Right. It was directed to the
843rd bomb wing on airborne alert.

It decoded as wing attack plan r.

Well, uh, tell him to call
what's-his-name, base commander Ripper.

Do I have to think of everything?

The general suggests you call general
Ripper, the 843rd base commander.

Oh. All communications are dead!

Bull! Tell him to do it himself.

Freddie, the general asks if you
could possibly try again yourself.

I see. He says he's tried personally
several times, but everything is dead.

Even the normal phone
lines are shut down.

[sighs, mutters]

Fred? Buck. What's it look like?

Yeah. Well, are you sure it's plan r?

Huh? What's cooking on
the threat board? Nothing!

Nothing at all?

I don't like the look of this, fred.

Tell you what you better do, old buddy.

Give elmo and charlie a blast and
bump everything up to condition red.

Stand by the blower.
I'll get back to you.

What's up? Nothing.

Where's my shorts? On the
floor. Where are you going?

No place. I thought I might
mosey over to the war room...

For a few minutes to see
what's doing over there.

It's 3:00 in the morning.
The air force never sleeps.

Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either.

I know how it is, baby.

Tell you what you do.

You just start your countdown, and old
bucky will be back here before you can say,

"blastoff!"

[Ripper over P.A. System] your commie has
no regard for human life, not even his own.

For this reason, men, I
want to impress upon you...

The need for extreme watchfulness.

The enemy may come individually
or he may come in strength.

He may even come in the
uniform of our own troops.

But however he comes, we must stop him.

We must not allow him to
gain entrance to this base.

Now, I am going to give
you three simple rules.

First, trust no one,

Whatever his uniform or rank,
unless he is known to you personally.

Second, anyone or
anything that approaches...

Within 200 yards of the
perimeter is to be fired upon.

Third, if in doubt, shoot first
and ask questions afterward.

[clicking stops] I would sooner accept
a few casualties through accident,

Than lose the entire base and its
personnel through carelessness.

Any variation on these rules
must come from me personally.

Now, men, in conclusion,

I would like to say
that in the two years...

It has been my privilege to
be your commanding officer,

I have always expected
the best from you.

You have never given me anything
less than that. ♪ [swing]

Today the nation is counting
on us. ♪ [volume increases]

We are not going to let them down.

Good luck to you all.

Here's the attack profile, sir.

This is your attack profile.

"to ensure that the enemy cannot
monitor voice transmission...

"or plant false transmission,
the c.R.M. 114...

"is to be switched into
all receiver circuits.

"the emergency base code prefix is
to be set on the dials of the c.R.M.

"this will block any transmission other
than those preceded by a code prefix.

Stand by to set code prefix."

- Roger. Ready to set code prefix.
- "set code prefix."

[clicking]

Code prefix set.

"lock code prefix."

Code prefix locked.

"switch all receiver circuits
to c.R.M. Discriminators."

All circuits switched
to c.R.M. Discriminators.

"check auto destruct circuits."

[clicking] [alarm blaring]

Auto destruct circuits checked.

"primary target: The
I.C.B.M. Complex at laputa.

"target reference: Yankee, golf, tango,

"three, six, zero.

"30 megaton nuclear device fused
for air burst at 10,000 feet.

"20 megaton nuclear device will
be used if first malfunctions.

"otherwise, proceed to secondary target:

"missile complex seven
miles east of borchov.

"target reference:
November, bravo, x-ray,

"one, zero, eight.

Fused air burst at 10--"
check-- "12,000 feet."

♪ [continues]

♪

Excuse me, sir. Something rather
interesting has just cropped up.

Listen to that. Music.
Civilian broadcasting.

I think those fellows in the pentagon...

Have given us some sort of
exercise to test our readiness.

Personally, I think it's
taking things a bit too far.

Our fellows will be inside russian
radar cover in about 20 minutes.

Listen to that. Full of
stations all churning it out.

Mandrake? Yes, sir.

I issued instructions for
all radios to be impounded.

I was in the process of impounding this
very one when I happened to switch it on.

I thought, our fellows hitting russian radar
in 20 minutes, dropping all their stuff.

I'd better tell you, because
if they do, it'll cause a stink.

Group captain, the
officer exchange program...

Does not give you any special
prerogatives to question my orders.

I realize that, sir, but I thought
you'd be pleased to hear the news.

After all, let's face it.

We don't want to start a nuclear
war unless we have to, do we?

Please, sit down. And
turn that thing off.

[music off] yes, sir.

What about the planes, sir? Surely we
must issue the recall code immediately.

The planes are not going to be recalled.

My attack orders have been
issued, and the orders stand.

If you'll excuse me for saying so, sir,

That would be to my way
of thinking rather...

An odd way of looking at it.

If a russian attack was in progress,

We would certainly not be
hearing civilian broadcasting.

Are you certain? I'm
absolutely positive.

What if it is true? I'm afraid
I'm still not with you, sir.

Because,
I mean--

If a russian attack was not in progress,

Then your use of plan r, in fact,
your orders to the entire wing--

Well, I would say, sir,

That there was something
dreadfully wrong somewhere.

Why don't you take it
easy, group captain?

Please make me a drink of
grain alcohol and rainwater,

And help yourself to
whatever you'd like.

[heels click]

General Ripper, sir, as an
officer in her majesty's air force,

It is my clear duty under
the present circumstances...

To issue the recall code upon my own
authority and bring back the wing.

If you'll excuse me, sir.

I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you
for the key and the recall code.

Have you got them handy, sir?

I told you to take it
easy, group captain.

There's nothing anybody
can do about this thing now.

I'm the only person who knows
the three-letter code group.

Then I must insist, sir,
that you give them to me.

Do I take it, sir, that you are
threatening a brother officer with a gun?

Mandrake, I suppose it
never occurred to you...

That while we're chatting
here so enjoyably,

A decision is being
made by the president...

And the joint chiefs in the
war room at the pentagon.

When they realize...

There is no possibility
of recalling the wing,

There will be only one
course of action open.

Total commitment.

Mandrake, do you recall what
clemenceau once said about war?

Uh, no, I don't think I do, sir. No.

He said war was too important
to be left to the generals.

When he said that 50 years ago,

He might have been right.

But, today, war is too important
to be left to politicians.

They have neither the
time, the training...

Nor the inclination
for strategic thought.

I can no longer sit back and allow...

Communist infiltration,
communist indoctrination,

Communist subversion...

And the international
communist conspiracy...

To sap and impurify all of
our precious bodily fluids.

Staines, is everybody here?

Mr. President, the secretary
of state is in vietnam.

The secretary of defense is in laos,
and the vice president is in mexico city.

We can establish contact with
them at anytime, if it's necessary.

The undersecretaries
are all here. Right.

General Turgidson, what's going on?

[clears throat] Mr. President,

About 35 minutes ago,

General Jack Ripper, the
commanding general of, uh,

Burpelson air force base,

Issued an order to the
34 b-52s of his wing,

Which were airborne at the time,

As part of a special exercise we were
holding called operation dropkick.

It appears that the order
called for the planes...

To attack their targets inside russia.

[group murmuring] the planes are
fully armed with nuclear weapons...

With an average load
of 40 megatons each.

The central display of russia will
indicate the position of the planes.

The triangles are their primary targets.

The squares are their secondary targets.

The aircraft will begin
penetrating russian radar cover...

Within, uh, 25 minutes.

General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand.

I was under the impression that
I was the only one in authority...

To order the use of nuclear weapons.

Uh, that's right, sir.

You are the only person
authorized to do so.

Although I hate to judge
before all the facts are in,

It's beginning to look like general
Ripper exceeded his authority.

It certainly does. Far beyond the
point I would have imagined possible.

Perhaps you're forgetting
the provisions of plan r, sir.

Plan r?

Plan r is an emergency war plan,

In which a lower echelon
commander may order...

Nuclear retaliation
after a sneak attack,

If the normal chain of
command has been disrupted.

You approved it, sir. You must remember.

Surely you must recall,
sir, when senator beaufort...

Made that big hassle about our
deterrent lacking credibility.

The idea was for plan r to be
a sort of retaliatory safeguard.

A safeguard?

I admit the human element
seems to have failed us here.

But the idea was to discourage
the ruskies from any hope...

That they could knock out
washington-- and yourself, sir--

As part of a general sneak attack...

And escape retaliation because of
lack of proper command and control.

I assume the planes will return automatically
once they reach their fail-safe points?

I'm afraid not. The planes were
holding at their fail-safe points...

When the go code was issued.

Once they fly beyond fail-safe, they do
not require a second order to proceed.

They will continue until
they reach their targets.

Why haven't you radioed the planes,
countermandering the go code?

Well, I'm afraid we're unable to
communicate with any of the aircraft.

Why? As you may recall,
sir-- [clears throat]

One of the provisions
of plan r provides...

That once the go code is received,

The normal s.S.B.
Radios in the aircraft...

Are switched into a
special coded device,

Which, I believe, is
designated as c.R.M. 114.

In order to prevent the enemy from
issuing fake or confusing orders,

C.R.M. 114 is designed
not to receive at all,

Unless the message is proceeded by the
correct three-letter code group prefix.

Do you mean to tell me, general Turgidson,
you will be unable to recall the aircraft?

That's the size of it. However, we
are plowing through every possible...

Three-letter combination of the code.

But since there are 17,000 permutations,

It's going to take us about
two-and-a-half days to transmit them all.

How soon did you say the planes
would penetrate russian radar cover?

About 18 minutes from now.

- Are you in contact with general Ripper?
- No, sir.

General Ripper sealed off the
base and cut off communications.

Where did you get this information?

General Ripper called strategic
air command headquarters...

Shortly after he issued the go code.

I have a portion of the
transcript of that conversation,

If you'd like me to read it. Read it.

[coughs] the duty officer
asked general Ripper...

To confirm the fact that he had
issued the go code, and he said,

"yes, gentlemen, they are on their
way in and no one can bring them back.

"for the sake of our
country and our way of life,

"I suggest you get the
rest of sac in after them.

"otherwise we will be totally
destroyed by red retaliation.

"my boys will give you the best
kind of start: 1,400 megatons worth.

"and you sure as hell
won't stop them now.

"so let's get going.
There's no other choice.

"god willing, we will prevail...

"in peace and freedom from fear...

"and in true health
through the purity...

"and essence of our natural...

"fluids.

God bless you all."

Then he hung up.

We're still trying to figure out
the meaning of that last phrase, sir.

There's nothing to figure out.
This man is obviously a psychotic.

I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing
like that until all the facts were in.

General Turgidson, when you
instituted the human reliability tests,

You assured me there was no possibility
of such a thing ever occurring.

I don't think it's fair to
condemn a whole program...

Because of a single slipup, sir.

I want to speak to general Ripper
on the telephone personally.

That's impossible.

General Turgidson, I am becoming
less and less interested...

In your estimates of what
is possible and impossible.

[president] general faceman. Yes, sir?

Are there any army units
stationed near burpelson?

I'll just check, sir.

[beeping]

Hello?

I told you never to call me
here. Don't you know where I am?

Now, look, baby, I
can't talk to you now.

My president needs me.

Of course, bucky would
rather be there with you.

What do you think about
civil defense? Hmm.

Of course, it isn't only
physical. [men talking, indistinct]

I deeply respect you as a human being.

Someday I'm going to make
you mrs. Buck Turgidson.

Yeah, all right. Listen,
you go back to sleep, hon.

Bucky will be back
there as soon as he can.

All right. Listen, sug! Don't
forget to say your prayers.

Apparently the 23rd airborne division...

Is stationed seven
miles away at alvarado.

General faceman, I want them to enter
the base, locate general Ripper...

And put him in immediate
telephone contact with me.

Yes, sir. [Turgidson] Mr. President?

If I may advise. Under a condition red,

It is standard procedure
that the base be sealed off...

And the base defended
by base security troops.

Any force trying to enter would
certainly encounter heavy casualties.

General Turgidson, with all due
respect for your defense team,

My boys can brush them aside
without too much trouble.

Mr. President, there are one or two
points I'd like to make, if I may.

Go ahead, general.

One, our hopes for recalling
the 843rd bomb wing...

Are quickly being reduced to a
very low order of probability.

Two, in less than 15 minutes from now,

The ruskies will be making
radar contact with the planes.

Three, when they do, they are
going to go absolutely ape.

They are going to strike
back with everything they got.

Four, if prior to this time...

We have done nothing to suppress
their retaliatory capabilities,

We will suffer virtual annihilation.

Now,

Five,

If, on the other hand,

We were to immediately launch an
all-out and coordinated attack...

On all their airfields
and missile bases,

We'd stand a damn good chance of
catching 'em with their pants down.

Hell, we got a five-to-one
missile superiority as it is.

We could easily assign three
missiles to every target...

And still have a very effective
reserve force for any other contingency.

Ah, six! An unofficial study, which
we undertook of this eventuality,

Indicated that we would destroy
90% of their nuclear capabilities.

We would therefore prevail and suffer...

Only modest and acceptable civilian
casualties from their remaining force,

Which would be badly
damaged and uncoordinated.

General, it is the avowed
policy of our country...

Never to strike first
with nuclear weapons.

Mr. President, general Ripper has
already invalidated that policy.

That was not an act of national policy.
There are still alternatives open to us.

Mr. President, we are rapidly
approaching a moment of truth,

Both for ourselves as human beings
and for the life of our nation.

Now, truth is not
always a pleasant thing.

But it is necessary now to make a choice.
To choose between two admittedly regrettable,

But nevertheless distinguishable,
postwar environments.

One where you got 20
million people killed,

And the other were you got
150 million people killed.

You're talking about mass
murder, general, not war.

Mr. President, I'm not saying
we wouldn't get our hair mussed.

But I do say no more than 10
to 20 million killed. Tops!

Depending on the breaks.

I will not go down in history as the
greatest mass murderer since adolph hitler!

It might be better if you were more
concerned with the american people...

Than with your image
in the history books.

General Turgidson, I've heard quite
sufficient from you. Thank you very much.

Mr. President, they have the
ambassador waiting upstairs.

Good. Any difficulty?

He's having a fit about that
squad of m.P.S. Can't be helped.

Have him brought here straightaway.

Yes, sir.
Is that--

- Is that the russian ambassador?
- Yes, it is, general.

A-am I to understand
the russian ambassador...

Is to be admitted
entrance to the war room?

Correct. He is here on my orders.

I-I-I don't know exactly
how to put this, sir.

But are you aware of what a
breach of security that would be?

He'll see everything.
He'll see the big board.

That is precisely the idea,
general. That is precisely the idea.

[president] staines, get
premier kissoff on the hot line.

[kong] "survival kit contents check.

"in them you will find
one .45 caliber automatic,

"two boxes of ammunition,

"four days concentrated
emergency rations,

"one drug issue containing antibiotics,

"morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills,

"sleepin' pills, tranquilizer pills,

"one miniature combination
russian phrase book and bible,

"$100 in rubles,

"$100 in gold,

"nine packs of chewing gum,

"one issue of prophylactics,

Three lipsticks, three
pair of nylon stockings."

Shoot, a fellow could have a pretty good
weekend in vegas with all that stuff.

You don't have any fresh
fish? I'm afraid not, sir.

Your eggs? They are
fresh? Oh, yes, sir.

I will have poached eggs. And bring
me some cigars, please. Havana cigars.

That will be all, sir? Yes.

I'll see to it right away.

Try one of these jamaican
cigars, ambassador. They're good.

Thank you, no. I do not support
the work of imperialist stooges.

Oh, only commie stooges, huh?

Psst. Mr. President?

You gonna let that lousy commie
punk vomit all over us like this?

Mr. President, they haven't been able
to reach premier kissoff in the kremlin.

They don't know where he is, and
he won't be back for two hours.

Try b-8-6-5-4-3
moscow. Yes, sir.

You would never have found
him through his office.

Our premier is a man of the people,
but he is also a man, if you follow.

[chuckles] fine.
Degenerate atheistic commie.

What? I said premier kissoff is
a degenerate atheistic commie!

Have this
fool-- [arguing]

Mr. President! I think
they're trying the number.

[arguing, scuffling]

[muttering in russian]
you bully! [muttering]

Gentlemen, you can't fight in
here! This is the war room!

What is going on? I
demand an explanation.

This clumsy fool tried to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

You bet your sweets, Mr. Commie
! Look at this, Mr. President.

This lousy commie rat was taking
pictures with this of the big board!

Mr. Ambassador!

This clumsy fool attempted to
plant that ridiculous camera on me.

That's a damn lie! I
saw him with my own eyes!

Gentlemen, this is outrageous. I have never
heard of such behavior in the war room before.

Mr. President, I think they're
getting him on the line.

[indistinct rumbling]

You sure got to hand
it to those commies.

Yeah. Gee, those trucks sure look
like the real thing, don't they?

I wonder where they got them from.

Probably bought them from
the army as war surplus.

[vehicles continue approaching]

Okay. Open up at 200 yards.

[men shouting]

[shouting continues]

[gunfire continues]

[gunfire continues]

Tell him where you are and that you'll enter
the conversation if I say anything untrue.

But, please, don't tell
him anything more than that.

Alexi? Alexi, please.
I beg you.

But I don't have a phone.

Give him the phone, frank.

[ambassador speaking russian]

[russian continues]

[russian continues]

I've done as you asked.

Be careful, Mr. President.
I think he is drunk.

Hello?

Uh, hello, Dimitri?

Listen, I can't hear too well. Do you suppose
you could turn the music down a little?

That's much better.

Yeah. [chuckles] yeah.

Fine. I can hear you now, Dimitri.

Clear and plain and coming
through fine.

I'm coming through fine too, eh?

Good, then--
well, then,

As you say, we're both
coming through fine.

Good. Well, it's good that
you're fine, and I'm fine.

I agree with you. It's
great to be fine. [chuckles]

Now, then, Dimitri, you know how...

We've always talked
about the possibility...

Of something going wrong with the bomb.

The bomb, Dimitri.

The hydrogen bomb.

Well, now, what happened is, uh,

One of our base commanders,
he had a sort of--

Well, he went a little
funny in the head.

You know, just a little funny.

And, uh, he went and did a silly thing.

Well, I'll tell you what he
did. He ordered his planes...

To attack
your country--

Well, let me finish, Dimitri.

Let me finish, Dimitri.

Well, listen, how do you
think I feel about it?

Can you imagine how I
feel about it, Dimitri?

Why do you think I'm calling you?

Just to say hello?

Of course I like to speak to you!

Of course I like to say hello!

Not now, but any time, Dimitri.

I'm just calling up to tell you
something terrible has happened.

It's a friendly call. Of
course, it's a friendly call.

Listen, if it wasn't friendly, you
probably wouldn't have even got it.

They will not reach their
targets for at least another hour.

I am-- I am
positive, Dimitri.

Listen, I've been all over
this with your ambassador.

It is not a trick.

Well, I'll tell you. We'd
like to give your air staff...

A complete rundown on the targets, flight
plans and defensive systems of the planes.

Yes, if we're unable
to recall the planes.

I'd say
that-- well,

We're just gonna have to help
you destroy them, Dimitri.

I know they're our boys.

All right, well, listen.
Now, who should we call?

Who should we call?
Sorry, you faded away there.

The peoples central air
defense headquarters.

Where is that, Dimitri
? In omsk. Right.

Yes. Oh, you'll call
them first, will you?

Uh-huh. Listen, do you happen to
have the phone number on you, Dimitri?

I see. Just ask for omsk information.

[stammering]

I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry.

All right, you're sorrier than I am.

But I am sorry as well.

I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri.

Don't say that you're
more sorry than I am,

Because I'm capable of being
just as sorry as you are.

So, we're both sorry,
all right? All right.

Yes, he's right here. He wants
to talk to you. Just a second.

[speaking in russian]

What? [ambassador speaking in russian]

[russian continues]

[russian continues]

What? What is it? What?

The fools. The mad fools.

What's happened? The doomsday machine.

The doomsday machine? What is that?

A device which will destroy all
human and animal life on earth.

[president] all human and animal life?

[gunfire continues]

Mandrake? Yes, jack?

Have you ever seen a commie
drink a glass of water?

Well, I can't say I have,
jack. [nervous chuckle]

Vodka. That's what they
drink, isn't it? Never water.

Well, I believe that's
what they drink, jack. Yes.

On no account will a
commie ever drink water...

And not without good reason.

Oh, ah, yes.

I, um, can't quite...

See what you're getting at, jack.

Water. That's what
I'm getting at. Water.

Mandrake, water is
the source of all life.

Seven-tenths of this
earth's surface is water.

Why, do you realize that
70% of you is water?

Good lord.

And as human beings, you and
I need fresh, pure water...

To replenish our precious
bodily fluids. Yes.

You beginning to understand? Yes.

[chuckling] Mandrake?

Mandrake, have you never wondered
why I drink only distilled water...

Or rainwater and only
pure grain alcohol?

Well, it did occur to me, jack. Yes.

Have you ever heard of a thing
called fluoridation of water?

Uh, yes, I have heard
of that, jack. Yes.

Do you know what it is? No.
No. I don't know what it is.

[gunfire continues] do you
realize that fluoridation...

Is the most monstrously conceived...

And dangerous communist plot
we have ever had to face?

Two can play at that game, soldier.

That's nice shooting, soldier!

[gunfire continues]

Mandrake, come here!

You calling me, jack? Come over
here and help me with this belt.

I, uh-- I haven't had
very much experience,

You know, with those
sort of machines, jack.

I've only ever pressed a
button in my old spitfire.

Mandrake, in the name of her
majesty and the continental congress,

Come here and feed me this belt, boy.

Jack, I'd love to come, but
what's happened, you see,

The string in my leg is gone.

The what? The string. I never told you.

But you see, I got a gammy
leg-- oh, dear. Gone. Shot off.

[gunfire continues] Mandrake, come
here. The red coats are comin'.

When it is detonated, it will
produce enough radioactive fallout...

So that in ten months the
surface of the earth...

Will be as dead as the moon! Ah!

Come on, de sadesky!
That's ridiculous!

Our studies show even the worst fallout
is down to a safe level after two weeks.

You've obviously never heard of
cobalt thorium g. What about it?

Cobalt thorium g has a
radioactive half-life of 93 years.

If you take 50 h bombs in
the 100 megaton range...

And jacket them with cobalt thorium g,

When they are exploded they
will produce a doomsday shroud,

A lethal cloud of radioactivity
which will encircle the earth...

For 93 years!

What a load of commie
bull. I mean, after all.

I'm afraid I don't
understand something, alexi.

Is the premier threatening to explode
this if our planes carry out their attack?

No, sir. It is not a
thing a sane man would do.

The doomsday machine is designed
to trigger itself automatically.

But, surely, you can
disarm it somehow. No.

It is designed to explode if any
attempt is made to un-trigger it.

Automatically? It's a commie trick!

We're wasting valuable
time. Look at the big board!

They're getting ready to clobber us!

This is absolute madness. Why
should you build such a thing?

There were those of us
who fought against it.

But in the end we could not keep up with
the expense involved in the arms race,

The space race and the peace race.

At the same time our people grumbled
for more nylons and washing machines.

Our doomsday scheme cost
us just a small fraction...

Of what we have been spending
on defense in a single year.

But the deciding factor was when we learned
your country was working along similar lines.

We were afraid of a doomsday
gap! This is preposterous!

I've never approved
of anything like that.

Our source was the new york times.

Dr. Strangelove, do we have
anything like that in the works?

A moment, please, Mr. President.

Under the authority granted me...

As director of weapons
research and development,

I commissioned last year
a study of this project...

By the bland corporation.

Based on the findings of the
report, my conclusion was that...

This idea was not a
practical deterrent...

For reasons which at this
moment must be all too obvious.

Then you mean it is possible for
them to have built such a thing?

Mr. President, the
technology required...

Is easily within the means
of even the smallest...

Nuclear power.

It requires only the will to do so.

But how is it possible for this
thing to be triggered automatically...

And at the same time
impossible to un-trigger?

Mr. President, it is not only possible,

It is essential.

That is the whole idea
of this machine, you know.

Deterrence is the art of producing
in the mind of the enemy...

The fear to attack.

And so because of the automated and
irrevocable decision-making process...

Which rules out human meddling,

The doomsday machine is terrifying...

And simple to understand...

And completely credible and convincing.

Gee, I wish we had one
of them doomsday machines.

But this is fantastic, Strangelove.
How can it be triggered automatically?

It's remarkably simple to do that.

When you merely wish to bury bombs,

There's no limit to the size.

After that, they are connected...

To a gigantic complex of computers.

Now, then, a specific
and clearly defined...

Set of circumstances...

Under which the bombs
are to be exploded...

Is programmed into a tape memory bank.

Hmm? Strangelove? [Strangelove
continues, indistinct]

What kind of a name is that?
That ain't no kraut name, is it?

He changed it when he became a citizen.

It used to be merkwurdichliebe.

Well, a kraut by any
other name, uh, stainsey?

...Is that the whole point
of the doomsday machine...

Is lost, if you keep it a secret!

Why didn't you tell the world, eh?

It was to be announced at
the party congress on Monday.

As you know, the
premier loves surprises.

[gunfire continues]

[men shouting]

[shouting continues]

Stay with me, Mandrake.

All right, Mandrake. Now,
feed me. Feed me, boy.

[laughs] jack, don't you
think we'd be better off...

In some other part of the room
away from all this flying glass?

We're okay here. [laughs]

Mandrake, do you realize that in
addition to fluoridating water,

There are studies underway
to fluoridate salt, flour,

Fruit, juices, soup,
sugar, milk, ice cream.

- Ice cream, Mandrake. Children's ice cream.
- Good lord.

You know when fluoridation first began?

Uh, no, no. I don't, jack. 1946.

1946, Mandrake. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

How does that coincide with your
postwar commie conspiracy, huh?

It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?

A foreign substance is introduced
into our precious bodily fluids...

Without the knowledge of the individual.

Certainly without any
choice. [gunfire continues]

That's the way a
hard-core commie works.

[gunfire continues] [glass shattering]

Ah, jack, jack. Tell me, jack,
when did you first become--

Well, develop this theory?

Well,
I, uh--

I-I first became aware of it, Mandrake,

During the physical act of love. Huh.

Yes, a, uh, profound sense of fatigue,

Feeling of emptiness followed.

Luckily I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly. Uh-huh.

- Loss of essence.
- Huh.

I can assure you it has
not recurred, Mandrake.

Women sense my power,

And they seek the life essence.

I do not avoid women, Mandrake. No.

But I do deny them my essence.

Yes, jack.

[man shouting] cease fire!

[shouting continues]

[gunfire lessening]

My boys must have surrendered.

Well, there it is. Now, jack, listen.

While there's still time, I beg
you, let's recall the wing and--

Those boys were like
my children, Mandrake.

- Now they let me down.
- No, no, jack! Not a bit of it.

I'm sure they all gave
it their very best.

I'm equally sure they
all died thinking of you,

Every man jack of them, jack.

Supposing a bit of
water has gone off, eh?

Certainly one can never be
too sure about those things.

But look at me now. Do I
look all rancid and clotted?

Look at me, jack. Look. Huh? Huh?

And I drink a lot of water. I'm
what you might call a water man.

And I can swear to you,
my boy-- swear to you,

That there's nothing wrong
with my bodily fluids.

Not a thing, jackie.

Mandrake, were you
ever a prisoner of war?

Well, jack, the
time's running very--

What? Were you ever a prisoner of war?

Yes, I was, as a matter of fact.

Did they torture you
? Uh, yes, they did.

I was tortured by the japanese,
jack, if you must know.

Not a pretty story.
Well, what happened?

Oh, well, I don't know, jack.

It's difficult to think of
under these conditions, but,

Well, what happened was,

They got me on the old, uh,
rangoon-inchinawa railway.

I was laying train lines for
the bloody japanese puff-puffs.

No, I mean, when they
tortured you, did you talk?

Ah, oh,
no, I--

Well, I don't think they
wanted me to talk, really.

I don't think they
wanted me to say anything.

It was just their way of
having a bit of fun, the swines.

The strange thing is, they
make such bloody good cameras.

You know, those clowns
outside are going to give me...

A pretty good going-over in
a few minutes, for the code.

Yes--

Yes, well, you may have a-- you
may have quite a point there, jack.

I don't know how well I
could stand up under torture.

Well, of course, the answer to
that is, boy, no one ever does.

And my advice to you, jack,
is to give me the code now.

And if those devils come
back and try any rough stuff,

We'll fight 'em together like we
did just now on the floor, eh?

You with your gun and me with
a belt of ammo, feeding you.

"feed me," you said, and
I was feeding you, jack.

You know, Mandrake,

I happen to believe in
a life after this one...

And I know I'll have to
answer for what I've done.

And I think I can.

Yes, of course you can.
Of course you can. You can.

I'm a religious man myself, you know.

I believe in all that sort of thing
and, uh, I'm hoping, you know, jack--

[clanking] you've
dropped your gun, jack.

You know what I-- no, jack,
let me take that for you.

And you know what I'm hoping, jack?

I'm hoping you're going
to give me the code, boy.

Oh, you're going to have a little
wash and brush up? What a good idea.

Always did wonders for a man
that, a wash and brush up.

Water on the back of the
neck makes you feel marvelous.

That's what we need: Water on
the back of the neck and the code.

Supposing I play a little
guessing game with you, jack boy?

I'll try and guess what
the code is-- [gunshot]

[thudding]

Copilot to navigator. I'm
ready with the fuel figures now.

We have 109,000 total,

79,000 in the mains...

And 30,000 in the auxiliaries.

And that works out to roughly...

Seven hours, 15 minutes
endurance from this time.

D.S.O. To captain.

I have an unidentified radar blip.

Distance: 60 miles.

Approximate speed: Mach three.

Looks like a missile tracking us.

Confirmed: Definite missile track.

Commence evasive action right.

Missile still closing range.

Distance: 50 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Lock e.C.M. To target intercept mode.

E.C.M. Locked to target intercept mode.

Missile still tracking
and closing distance.

Range: 40 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Electronic guidance
scrambler to blue grid.

Missile still tracking
steady and closing distance.

Range: 30 miles.

Missile still closing true and steady.

Continue evasive action.

Range: 20 miles.

Missile still closing
distance and tracking steady.

Attack range gate on maximum scan.

Range gate on maximum scan.

Range: 10 miles.

Missile track deflecting.
Continue evasive action.

Deflection increasing.
Range: Eight miles.

Deflection still
increasing. Range: Six miles.

Missile still deflecting.
Range: Four miles.

Range: Two miles.
Missile still deflecting.

Range: One mile. Missile detonated!

[indistinct shouting]

- Start lever to cut off!
- Cut off!

[electronic shorting-out sounds]

We're losin' power! [indistinct]

Re-select essential power!

Essential power re-selected.

The hatch is stuck!

[electronic shorting-out sounds]

Hit emergency power! Okay.

Extinguishers! Roger!

Transfer switches! Transferred!

Boost pumps off! Cut off!

Fuel valves three, four and six!

Give me full power! Roger.

[Mandrake] peace on earth.

Peace on earth.

Peace on earth.

P.O.E.

Purity of essence.

O.P.O.E.

- O.P.E.--
- [gunshots]

Put your hands over your head.

What the devil do you think
you're doing? Who are you?

I said, put your hands over your head.

What kind of suit do
you call that, fella?

What do you mean, suit?

This happens to be an r.A.F. Uniform, sir,
and I am group captain lionel Mandrake.

I am general Ripper's executive officer.

- Where's general Ripper?
- He's dead, in the bathroom.

Where's the bathroom?

Next to you.

[vehicle engine revving]

[whistles] I don't know what sort of
stupid game this is you're playing,

But I've got a very good
idea what the recall code is,

And I have to get in touch with
sac headquarters immediately!

I said, put your hands over
your head and keep 'em there!

Got any witnesses? What are you
talking about? He shot himself!

While he was shavin', huh?

Now look, colonel bat Guano,

If that really is your name,

May I tell you that I have
a very, very good idea--

I think, I hope, I pray-- what the recall
code is, some theme he kept repeating.

It's a variation on "peace on
earth" or "purity of essence"!

E.O.P., o.P.E., it's one of those!

Put your hands up on top
of your head. Start walkin'.

Don't you know that general Ripper
went as mad as a March hare...

And sent the whole wing
to attack the soviets?

Don't you know that? What
are you talkin' about?

I'll tell you what
I'm talking about.

I'm going to pick up this red
telephone, which is connected to sac,

And I
hope--

Blast. Blast.

Shot away, I expect by one of your
men during this ridiculous fighting!

Right.

All right, charlie, I've been
wastin' too much time on you.

I got a lot of wounded
men outside. Start walkin'.

[switches clicking]

All the radio gear is out,
including the c.R.M. 114.

I think the auto-destruct mechanism
got hit and blew itself up.

The fire is out. The
emergency power is on.

Everything seems to check
out all right. Will advise.

Roger. Navigator?

I've worked out our rate of fuel loss
at approximately 1-6-2 per minute.

This gives us a radius of action...

Sufficient to take out primary and
secondary targets, but we will not--

Repeat, not be able to make it
back to any base or neutral country.

However, we would have
enough fuel to ditch...

At weather ship tango delta,

Grid coordinates
0-0-3-6-9-1.

Well, boys, we got three
engines out.

We got more holes in us
than a horse trader's mule.

The radio is gone,
and we're leakin' fuel.

And if we was flyin' any lower, why,
we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.

But we got one little
budge on them ruskies.

At this height they
might harpoon us,

But they dang sure ain't gonna
spot us on no radar screen!

The other way.
Where are you taking me?

To the main gate. Colonel!

Colonel, I must know what you
think has been going on here.

You wanna know what I think? Yes.

I think you're some kind
of deviated "prevert."

I think general Ripper found
out about your preversion...

And that you were organizing
some kind of mutiny of preverts.

Now, move! [jet engines roaring]

On top of that, I don't know anything
about any planes attacking russia.

All I was told to do was get Ripper on the
phone with the president of the United States.

Now just one second. You
just said, "the president."

What about the president?

The president wants to speak
to general Ripper, doesn't he?

Now, general Ripper is dead, is he not?

I am general Ripper's executive officer,

So the president will bloody well
want to speak to me, won't he?

There's a telephone box over
there and the line may be open.

You wanna talk to the
president of the United States?

I don't want to talk to him,
colonel, I've got to talk to him.

And I can assure you, if you don't put
that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense,

The court of inquiry on this
will give you such a pranging,

You'll be lucky if you end up wearing
the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

[jet engines roaring]

Okay.

Go ahead, try and get the president
of the United States on the phone.

If you try any preversions in
there, I'll blow your head off.

Operator? This is group
captain lionel Mandrake.

I'm speaking from
burpelson air force base.

Something urgent has come up and I want you
to place an emergency person-to-person call...

With president Merkin Muffley
in the pentagon, washington, d.C.

Uh, burpelson
3-9-1-8-0.

No, I'm perfectly serious.
The president, yes.

The president of the United States.

Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't
got enough change.

Could you, uh-- could you make
this a collect call, operator?

[jet engines roaring]

Just one second, operator.
They won't accept the call.

Have you got 55 cents?

You don't think I'd go into combat
with loose change in my pocket, do you?

Operator, look.

Is it possible to make this an
ordinary-- ordinary trunk call?

Well, what do you call
it? You know, um--

Oh, uh,
station-to-station.

Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short.

Operator, hold on. I
shan't keep you a second.

Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine. I
want you to shoot the lock off it.

There may be some change in there.

That's private property.

Colonel, can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you,

Your frame outlook, way
of life and everything,

When they learn that you have obstructed a phone
call to the president of the United States?

Can you imagine? Shoot it off!

Shoot with the gun! That's what
the bullets are for, you twit!

Okay, I'm gonna get your money for you.

But if you don't get the president on
that phone, you know what's gonna happen?

What?

You're gonna have to answer
to the Coca-Cola company.

[gunshots]

[from P.A. System] this is
sac communications control.

The recall code o.P.E....

Is being acknowledged "roger"...

By elements of the
8-4-3 bomb wing.

These are the details.

Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38...

Are reported destroyed by enemy action.

All other missions have
acknowledged recall code.

This is sac communications
control. Over and out.

[whistling] gentlemen, gentlemen!

Ah, gentlemen,

Mr. President,

I'm not a sentimentalist
at all by nature,

But I think I know what's
in every heart in this room.

I think we ought to all
just bow our heads...

And give a short prayer of
thanks for our deliverance.

Lord,

Uh, we have heard the wings
of the angel of death...

Fluttering over our heads
from the valley of fear.

You have seen fit to deliver
us from the forces of evil--

Excuse me, sir.

Premier kissoff's calling
again and he's hopping mad.

Fuel flow on active engines
and leakage has increased.

Now works
out at 2-0-5.

Estimate remaining fuel...

At
8-7-9-0.

Uh, roger. Confirm
2-0-5 per minute...

And remaining
fuel 8-7-9-0.

No, no, Dimitri, there
must be some mistake.

No, I'm certain of that.

I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri.

Just a second. You know what he says?

He says that one of the
planes hasn't turned back.

He says according to information
forwarded by our air staffs,

It's headed for the
missile complex at laputa.

[mumbling]

[laughing] that's
impossible, Mr. President.

I mean, look at the big board.

Thirty-four planes, 30 recalls
acknowledged and four splashes,

And one of them was targeted for laputa.

Dimitri, look, we've got an
acknowledgement from every plane...

Except the four you've shot down.

Oh. Oh.

[clears
throat] he's--

Hang on a second, Dimitri.

He says their air defense now only
claims three aircraft confirmed.

The fourth may only be damaged.

Mr. President,

I'm beginnin' to smell
a big, fat commie rat.

I mean, supposin' kissoff is
lyin' about that fourth plane,

Just lookin' for an
excuse to clobber us?

If the spaghetti hits the fan,
now we're really in trouble.

Dimitri, look, if this report is true...

And the plane manages
to bomb the target,

Is this-- is this gonna-- is this
gonna set off the doomsday machine?

Are you sure?

Well, I-- I guess you're just gonna
have to get that plane, Dimitri.

Dimitri, I'm sorry they're jamming
your radar and flying so low,

But they're trained to do it, you know?

It's initiative.

Look, Dimitri, you know
exactly where they're going,

And I'm sure your entire air
defense can stop a single plane.

It's not gonna help either one of
us if the doomsday machine goes off,

Now, is it?

Dimitri, there's no point in you getting
hysterical at a moment like this!

Dimitri, keep your feet on the
ground when you're talking to me.

I am not-- I
am not getting--

No, Dimitri, I'm just worried.

That's all.

Now look, if our air staffs say
its primary target is laputa...

And its secondary target is borchov,

I mean, it's true, Dimitri,
you gotta believe it!

Look, can I give-- Dimitri,
can I give you just one word--

Can I give you just one
word of advice, Dimitri?

Listen, Dimitri.

Put everything you've got into those
two sectors, and you can't miss!

Sir, if we continue to lose
fuel at the present rate,

I estimate we only have,
uh, 38 minutes flying time,

Which will not even take
us as far as the primary.

Doggone it, sweets, you told me that
you could get me to the primary!

I'm sorry, sir, that
estimate was based on...

The original loss rate
factor, not at 2-0-5.

I don't give a hoot
in hell how you do it,

You just get me to
the primary, you hear?

I'm sorry, sir, but
those are the figures.

We'll be lucky to reach
weather ship at tango delta.

Well, shoot!

We ain't come this far just to
dump this thing in the drink.

What's the nearest
target of opportunity?

Sir, if the rate of
loss does not increase,

We have a chance to
reach target 3-8-4,

Grid coordinate
0-0-3-6-9-1...

And possibly make it from there
to the tango delta weather ship.

What kind of a target is that, anyhow?

Sir, that's the I.C.B.M.
Complex at kotloss.

All right, designating new target:

3-8-4.

Give me a rough headin' on that just
as soon as you can get it worked out.

We'll keep our fingers crossed, Dimitri,
and remember, there's just one thing:

We are all in this together.
We're right behind you, Dimitri.

We're with you all the way.

Yes, well, we'll keep the line open.

All right, Dimitri.

General Turgidson,

Is there really a chance for
that plane to get through?

Mr. President, if I may speak freely,

The ruskie talks big, but frankly
we think he's short of know-how.

I mean, you just can't expect
a bunch of ignorant peons...

To understand a machine
like some of our boys.

And that's not meant as
an insult, Mr. Ambassador.

You take your average ruskie, we
all know how much guts he's got.

Hell, look at all of 'em them nazis
killed off, and they still wouldn't quit!

Can't you stick to the point, general?

Well, uh, sir, uh, if
the pilot's good, see--

I mean, if he's really sharp, he
can barrel that baby in so low.

You oughta see it
sometime! It's a sight!

A big plane, like a 52, vroom!

Its jet exhaust fryin'
chickens in the barnyard!

-Yeah, but has he got a chance?
-Has he got a chance?

Hell, yeah--
ye-- ye--

Yeah.

Navigator to captain.

Approaching target
at distance 1-0 miles.

Switch from green grid to target orange.

Ready for final bomb run check.

Take over, ace. Roger.

- D.S.O. Ready.
- Bombardier ready, sir.

Bomb fusing, master safety on.

Electronic barometric time and impact.

Uh, bomb fusing, master safeties on.

Electronic barometric time and impact.

[Kong] fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Bomb fusing circuits
one through four, test.

Bomb fusing circuits one
through four, test. Lights on.

Bomb arming test lights
on, one through four.

Bomb arming test lights
on, one through four.

[Kong] engage primary
trigger switch override.

Primary trigger switch override engaged.

Track indicators to maximum deflection.

Track indicators to maximum deflection.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Release first safety.

First safety released.

- First safety.
- Release second safety.

Second safety released.

Second safety.

Check bomb door circuits,
one through four.

Uh, bomb door circuits,

Negative function, lights red.

Switch in backup circuits. Roger.

Backup circuits switched
in. Still negative function.

- Engage emergency power.
- Roger.

Uh, emergency power on.
Still negative function.

Operate manual override!

Roger.

Uh, still negative function.

The teleflex drive cable
must be sheared away.

- Fire the explosive bolts!
- Roger.

Uh--

Still negative, sir. The
operating circuits are dead, sir.

Stay on the bomb run, ace. I'm goin'
down below and see what I can do.

Roger.

Stay on the bomb run, boys.

I'm gonna get them doors open if it
harelips everybody on bear creek!

[electronic shorting-out sounds]

Target orange grid reference checks.

Target distance: Eight miles.

Roger. Eight miles.

Telemetric guidance
computer into orange grid.

Telemetric guidance
computer into orange grid.

Target distance: Seven miles.

Correct track indicator: Minus seven.

[ace] roger. Seven miles.
Check g.P.I. Acceleration factor.

G.P.I. Acceleration factor set.

Target distance: Six miles.

Roger. Six miles. Pulse
"ident" transponder active.

Pulse ident transponder active.

Target distance: Five miles.

[ace] five miles. Homing
alignment factor to zero mode.

Homing alignment factor to zero mode.

Target distance: Four miles.

Roger. Four miles.

Auto c.D.C. Into manual teleflex link.

Auto c.D.C. Into manual teleflex link.

Target distance: Three miles.

Roger. Three miles.

Target in sight! Where
in hell is major Kong?

[whooshing sound]

Ya-hoo!

Ya-hoo!

Ya-hoo!

- Hey, what about
major Kong? - Ya-hoo!

Ye-haw!

Whoo-hoo!

Mr. President, I would
not rule out the chance...

To preserve a nucleus
of human specimens.

It would be quite easy.

[laughing]

At the bottom of, uh,

Some of our deeper mine shafts.

The radioactivity would never penetrate
a mine some thousands of feet deep.

And in a matter of weeks, sufficient
improvements in dwelling space...

Could easily be provided.

How long would you have
to stay down there?

Well, that's, you
know, uh-- [inhaling]

Cobalt thorium g.

Uh--

Uh--

Radioactive
half-life of, uh--

Hmm.

I would think that, uh, possibly, uh,

One hundred years.

You mean,

People could actually stay
down there for 100 years?

It would not be difficult, mein fuhrer.

Nuclear reactors
could-- [laughing]

I'm sorry, Mr. President.

Nuclear reactors could provide
power almost indefinitely.

Greenhouses could maintain plant life.

Animals could be bred and slaughtered.

A quick survey would have to be made...

Of all the available
mine sites in the country.

But I would guess that
a dwelling space...

For several hundred thousand of
our people could easily be provided.

Well, I-- I would hate
to have to decide...

Who stays up and who goes down.

Well, that would not be
necessary, Mr. President.

It could easily be
accomplished with a computer.

And the computer could
be set and programmed...

To accept factors from youth, health,

Sexual fertility, intelligence...

And a cross-section
of necessary skills.

Of course, it would
be absolutely vital...

That our top government and
military men be included,

To foster and impart the
required principles...

Of leadership and tradition.

Aaah!

Naturally, they would
breed prodigiously, eh?

There would be much
time and little to do.

[giggling]

But with the proper breeding
techniques and a ratio of, say,

Ten females to each male,

I would guess that they could
then work their way back...

To the present gross national
product within, say, 20 years.

But look here, doctor.

Wouldn't this nucleus
of survivors be so...

Grief-stricken and
anguished that they--

Well, envy the dead and
not want to go on living?

No, sir. Excuse me.

When they go down into the mine,
everyone would still be alive.

There would be no shocking memories...

And the prevailing emotion will be
one of nostalgia for those left behind,

Combined with a spirt of...

Bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Doctor,

You mentioned the, uh, ratio of, uh,

Ten women to each man.

Now, wouldn't that
necessitate the abandonment...

Of the so-called monogamous
sexual relationship?

I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Regrettably, yes.

But it is, you know, a sacrifice
required for the future of the human race.

I hasten to add that since each man
will be required to do prodigious...

Service along these lines,

The women will have to be selected
for their sexual characteristics,

Which will have to be of a
highly stimulating nature.

I must confess, you have an
astonishingly good idea there, doctor.

Thank you, sir.

I think we ought to look at this
from the military point of view.

I mean, uh, supposing the ruskies...

Stashed away some big
bombs, see, and we didn't?

When they come out in 100
years, they could take over!

[faceman] I agree, Mr. President.

They might even try an immediate sneak attack
so they could take over our mine shaft space.

[Turgidson] it'd be extremely
naive of us, Mr. President,

To imagine that these
new developments...

Are gonna cause any change in
soviet expansionist policy!

I mean, we must be
increasingly on the alert...

To prevent them from taking
over other mine shaft space...

In order to breed more
prodigiously than we do,

Thus knocking us out through
superior numbers when we emerge!

Mr. President, we must not
allow a mine-shaft gap!

Sir!

I have a plan--

Mein fuhrer,

I can walk!

♪ We'll meet again

♪ Don't know where

♪ Don't know when

♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪

♪ Some sunny day

♪ Keep smiling through

♪ Just like you always do

♪ 'til the blue skies

♪ Drive the dark clouds far away ♪

♪ So will you please say hello ♪

♪ To the folks that I know

♪ Tell them I won't be long ♪

♪ They'll be happy to know

♪ That as you saw me go

♪ I was singing this song

♪ We'll meet again

♪ Don't know where

♪ Don't know when

♪ But I know we'll meet again

♪ Some sunny day