All language subtitles for Cruising with Jane McDonald Series 2 1of4 Baltic 720p_ENG_Subtitles01

Hi, I'm Jane McDonald.

Did someone mention cruise?

I caught the cruising bug
more than 20 years ago

when I was working as a singer
on a ship.

See, when I were on the
ships, I had no window.

I used to have to put the television
on to see what type of day it was.

It's not just us Brits
who are crazy about cruising,

last year 25.8 million
holiday-makers worldwide

choose to cruise.

There's a cruise for everyone.

There's quiet cruises,
there's party cruises,

there's island cruises,
there's river cruises

and I'm just going to carry on
cruising till I've found you

your perfect cruise.
Try stopping me.

There's a cocktail bar over there.

This time I've booked myself
on four very different ships

to give you an idea of just how
individual every cruise can be.

All these adventures
to have all with you.

There's a romantic,
leisurely river cruise

through the stunning French
countryside from Lyon

and down the Rhone to Arles.

And I get to see it all
from the air, as well.

It's breathtaking.

Who could resist seven days
of city-hopping sun and fun

in the Med, on the world's most
cutting-edge cruise ship?

Not me.

It's not a bad life,
this, is it?

Or there's my island adventure
in Cuba.

Rum, sun, cigars, music, fiestas and
a Caribbean island like no other.

I'm in Paradise.

I like big ships, small ships,
thin ships, fat ships,

French ships, relationships.

I like all ships!

Now I'm off to waters unknown.

I'm treating myself to some cool
Scandi style in the Baltic

on this beauty,
the Viking Sky.

Welcome to my yacht.

It's dead posh.

It's full of surprises.

All the cabins have a balcony,
and I do mean all of them.

Hello!

And there's even
real art everywhere.

It does look like Susan Boyle,
doesn't it?

It's like being on a private yacht.

An Abramowitz-sized one.

Cheers. Cheers.

Hej and velkommen til Kobenhavn.

Which means ey up,
we're in Copenhagen.

And this is where my Baltic
adventure begins.

It's the capital of Denmark
and I haven't been here

for about 15 years.
Well, more like 20, actually.

Its most famous landmarks
are the Tivoli Gardens.

This is them.

Hans Christian Andersen's house.

This is it. And the Little Mermaid.

There she is.

The Little Mermaid in Danish
is Lille Havfrue.

You see, you're impressed now,
aren't you?

So you should be.

Can you actually speak Danish?

Well, my husband were Danish
so I had to say a few things

like Jeg elsker dig,
which means I love you.

But I've stopped having
foreign boyfriends now.

I'm just sticking to English.

They live in the same country
so it's a bit cheaper.

In an homage to Scandi-noir,

today I'm wearing Denmark's
most famous jumper.

I bet they all think I'm from
The Killing.

Got the right jumper on.

May I take a photo with you?
Of course. Thank you.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.

You movie star, or...?

Oh, yeah, big movie star.

Brilliant! I'm not.

Have a nice day.

You too. Bye-bye.

Bye. Thanks so much.

Wonderful.

I think she thought I was
that Sofie Grabol from The Killing.

Which, of course, I'm not.

I don't need to be a detective
to tell you

I've sniffed out another
Danish icon.

A hot dog stand.

Come to Denmark, you have got
to have one of their hot dogs

because they are the best ever.

Hi. Hi.

Could I have the bestseller?

The Fransk hot dog?

What's the difference?

The size. Oh, the size.

Of course.
Sometimes size doesn't matter.

The small one.

A Danish hot dog is like no other.

Yes, it's just a sausage in a bun
but it's got a remoulade sauce.

Sounds posh but it's just
mayonnaise,

mustard and pickled cucumber.

I'm going to let you have a taste
in a minute.

You can't have a taste
because you can't get through

the telly, but you can have the
taste and it's really, really nice.

Tusind tak. That's a sausage
with a message.

That sausage is saying, eat me.

Where are you from?
Are you from Denmark?

Yes. So you are getting married?

Of course you are.

This is fantastic!

THEY CHEER

Oh, well, good luck.

Bye.

Oh, bless them.

Oh, I hope she's as happy as we all
thought we were going to be.

And here she is.

My home for the next week.

If she were a movie star, she'd be
Scarlett Johansson.

That's how gorgeous she is.

Look at that.

Do you know, every time you turn up
to a cruise ship,

it takes your breath away.

You just get excited.

I've got that excited feeling again
in my stomach

thinking I'm going to be on there
for seven whole days.

Hi. Are you enjoying yourself?

This ship is wonderful!

Yay. What's your name?

Patrick.

You, Patrick, me, Jane.

HE IMITATES TARZAN'S YELL

It's going to be fun already.
I've only just come up to the ship.

There's people shouting at us.

Isn't it wonderful? Come on.

She's got 900 passengers on board
and I'm the last to join,

so now it's 901.

We're setting off to Copenhagen,

sailing through the land of the
Vikings and across the Baltic

to Tallinn in Estonia. Next,
into Russia and St Petersburg.

From there, back into the Baltic
and Helsinki, capital of Finland,

and then off to Scandinavia
and Stockholm.

Mamma mia, I'll need a lie down
after all that.

Right.

Ah. Hello. Hello.

Welcome aboard. Thank you very much.

This is only Viking Sky's
fifth cruise

and everything inside
is box fresh and brand-new.

Oh, wow.

Have a look at this. Come here.

Look at these pictures
and everything.

I don't think I've ever, ever seen
a ship like this, ever.

So classy.

This is the most exciting bit

because I'm going to see where my
room is.

Come on, come in.

It's like a millionaire's house,
isn't it?

This is what you see on the telly in
Grand Designs and stuff like that.

This is beautiful.

Jane, welcome to your room.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness me!

It's bigger than my house.

Look at this. I've got a sofa.

Oh, my God! I've got a suite.

Oh, I've got an iPad for this.

Look at this. Day dim.

This is sheer and utter luxury.

There's like big tellies
everywhere.

I love a bathroom.

I've got a sauna.

Look at this!

You can sit there in the nuddy
and nobody can see you.

Mind you, I'm in the owner's suite.

The owner's suite!

I hope he doesn't want to come on.

Oh, wow.

Well, if this is what having money
is all about, I want some,

because this is just
a different world.

I've just found out the word Viking
means to travel on water.

Well, these guys have nailed it
and I'm Viking round the Baltic.

Lucky me.

Oh!

Look! Oh, you will not see me
for the rest of the cruise now.

I would like to say,

cheers, welcome aboard.

Coming up, I have a Disney Princess
moment in Tallinn...

It's lovely. Feels like
I'm in Beauty And The Beast.

..and I get to brush up
my language skills.

How do you say,
"Here, pussy, pussy."

Kss-kss-kss. Kss-kss-kss.

It's Russian for calling a cat.

I'm living the dream
on my first Baltic cruise.

We're at sea all day today and
there's loads of nothing to do.

Heaven.

Hello.

It's the time for the camera
on the stick.

I'm going for a wander
because I find it a lot easier

just having this than that lot. All
right?

I'm off.

Hi. Hello.

This is lovely.

It's not like a ship.

It's like a very posh hotel.

It's beautifully architected.

Is that a word? Architected?

It's been beautifully...designed.

We'll use that.

Can you believe
that I'm in the Baltics?

I think we must be doing something
right because every time we go

on a ship, we get beautiful weather.

Oh, wow!

This is a bit fab, isn't it?

Hello, welcome to my yacht.

Something I've noticed is everywhere
you look, you can see the sea.

Don't laugh.

Some ships I've been on,

you need a telescope to get
a glimpse of a wave anywhere.

Not this one.

Right, there's something
I need to do.

Hi-ho! Oh!

What are you doing here? I've got
no make-up on or anything.

Hang on a minute. I need to find
the launderette.

Laundrette.

Yes, that's right.
I did say launderette.

Hello.

It's what sea days are for.

Relaxing and washing your smalls.

So how do we use these, then?

Ah, well, the directions
are not easy to follow.

OK. Oh, no! They are written by some
engineer, not by a woman.

So, preparing laundry.
Load laundry.

Close the door.
Choose the programme.

Choose the temperature.
Choose the spin speed.

Choose... Flipping Nora.

Dee, can you give me a lesson?

I could give you a wonderful lesson.

It's nice to just come down and be
normal and everybody is normal,

aren't they? We all do
our own washing.

Now I was on a world cruise.

There was a woman and she used
to put out of order on a dryer.

Yeah!

This lady always had a washer
and always had a dryer

because she used to just come in
and...

I know where the out of order
sign is.

Do you? I'm not telling you.

It can get actually quite heated
when you can't get a washer

and somebody comes in and just whips
it, which happens quite a lot.

Et voila.

Oh, my God!

Well, you all know the secret now.

Right, Dee. Oh, she's put
some more in.

Right, I need the out of order sign.

Get the sign up.
Need to get the sign.

I need to do what that lady did
and get that sign out.

I've missed my slot. I'm so sorry.

Up here, we're 1,000 miles
north-east of Wakefield

and let me tell you, the sunsets
alone are worth the trip.

I mean, this isn't even one of the
special ones, but look at that.

And if that's not enough,

the launderette is empty
and I can dry my smalls.

Magic.

We've crossed the Baltic on our way
to Tallinn, capital of Estonia.

It sounds like my kind of place.

It's hosted Eurovision and at its
heart is a fairy tale medieval town.

What's not to love?

This is a destination cruise where
you go to all these amazing places

where it's all laid on for you,

which is really good because that's
all-inclusive in the price.

So you can have a look

and pick something that you really
think,

oh, I wouldn't mind doing that.

Instead of taking a chance
where you're paying for it,

you would take a chance
when you're not.

Is that just me being tight?

But it's probably
true of most people

because we don't like wasting money,
do we?

Now don't faint but I'm going to
give you some facts and figures.

440,000 people live in Tallinn.

But last year 4,252,828 tourists
dropped in, just like me.

Looks like they're all here now,
if I'm honest.

We were just going to go off
and have a wander.

Of course. Do you recommend anywhere
that we should see?

Yes, of course. The view platform,
I think it's a must,

because there you can see the whole
view of the town.

And that's up there, is it?

That way and then right?

What a beautiful day.

I'm in Estonia,

I've ditched the crew.

It's just me and you.

So, I've been told to...

..come up here and see this...

..amazing view.

Get ready to be amazed.

Is that it?

I mean,

no disrespect but...

..looks like Wakefield.

Do you think that's pretty?

Yes. I live here.

It's a nice view.

It's an old part of town
from the first Estonian Republic.

It's not doing it for me. I'd like
a better view than that.

OK. Is that all right?

Let's go to old part of town.

Old part? Oh, are you coming
with me?

Yeah. What's your name?

Sergei. Sergei?

Yes. I'm Jane, very pleased
to meet you.

I'm now going down the ginnel with a
strange man I've just picked up

in Estonia.

Sergei?

Oh, now he's on his phone,
but this looks more like it.

It's lovely. Feels like
I'm in Beauty And The Beast.

Hang on a minute. I recognise him.

Are you Patrick?

HE IMITATES TARZAN'S YELL

Hello.

I couldn't resist you when you said,
"I'm Jane!"

Oh, that is so good.

How are you? I'm great.

Nice to meet you in the flesh,
finally.

Have a great day.
Lovely to meet you.

Bye, Jane. Bye!

I've found my Patrick.

Such a sweet man.

All that walking and talking
has made me a bit peckish

and I know just what I want
and where to get it.

So this is the highlight
of most cruises.

It's called afternoon tea.

Hi. Hi. Hello. How are you?
Come and sit with us.

Can I? Yes. Thank you so much.

I'll be on my way.
Right, I'm on my way.

See, a stranger is a friend you just
haven't met yet.

Hi, Jane, lovely to see you.

This is Terry and Stewart.

Hi, Terry. Really nice to meet you.
Stewart.

And it's full, apparently.

The ship is full but there's never
anybody about.

There's no lines except for at
the gelato bar.

Oh, the gelato bar.

That's about six deep.

I'd better not go anywhere
near that.

I think they're going to have to get
a hoist or a crane to get me off.

Terry might have to dash off
due to the fact

that she's waiting for a machine
in the laundry.

We were just talking about that
yesterday and she says,

"I will have to leave afternoon tea
to get the laundry."

You put it on a timer and then
you've got to go get it

or it may be gone.

I'll see you. Thank you.

Thank you, enjoy your tea.
Thank you very much!

It's full steam ahead and we leave
Estonia and sail to St Petersburg

and Russia with love.

I'm in Russia!

I'm very excited
because I've never been here.

It's something...

Look, I nearly walked
through the window them.

It's quite cold. It's quite nippy

but the Russians are made
of hard stuff.

I bet she hasn't got a vest on
or anything.

St Petersburg used to be Leningrad.

Well, it was always St Petersburg,
then it was Leningrad.

Now it's St Petersburg again.

Got that? Good.

It's home to the Hermitage.

Hermitage?
Anyway, it's a big museum.

It's probably the most famous
building in St Petersburg.

Supposed to know something about it
but as usual, I know nothing,

so I looked it up and it says
the Hermitage is huge.

It has 1,057 rooms,
117 staircases...

Morning.

Ey up!

I just want to go and punch
their lights out.

And they say to get around
all the exhibits in the Hermitage,

you will need to spend
11 years of your life

and walk 22km.

I can't stay that long.
The ship goes tomorrow!

If I'm honest,
culture isn't really my thing.

Cats, however, now you're talking.

I'm heading for the cellars.

No, not for the wine.

Just you wait.

I've just been told
that in every metal door,

there's a cat flap,

and this sign says,

"It's cold, can you please close
the door

"to keep everybody warm, and cats."

I might have just made a few words
up there

but that's basically
what that poster says.

I love the fact that there's a cat
flap in every single door.

It must be freezing.

Right, in we go.

Cats have lived at the Hermitage
since 1745

when Empress Elizabeth decreed
that they live in the cellars.

They protected the artworks
from mice and rats.

The paintings are long gone
but the cats are still here

and even have their own PR lady.

Of course, it doesn't look
very attractive but...

It's the cat's bed, isn't it?

To be quite honest, Maria,
my bed looks similar.

Be careful.

Danger, cats.

Are they dangerous, cats?
No, it's for...drivers.

And this is our private
and modest cat's house.

Upstairs and outside, it's all
glitzy and gold.

Down here, where the pussy posse
hang out,

things are a bit more down-home.

How do you say,
"Here, pussy, pussy?"

Kss-kss-kss.

Kss-kss-kss. That's in Russian,
is it?

It's K...K and S.

It's Russian for calling a cat.
Kss-kss-kss.

Oh, look at you.

I have got a connection with cats

because I was in Cats in Blackpool

and I'm sure there's an old
Griz down here somewhere.

There'll be a Grizabella somewhere.
Look at this one!

He's such a flirt.

You are such a flirt, you are.

That's Rum Tum Tugger
without a doubt.

Sometimes this looks like something
between a house

for the homeless children
and house for old people.

Yes.

Oh...

You see? The dark.

Oh, my goodness me.

Look at that.

Wow! It's like Nadia.

You just come out of a wardrobe
into something like this.

It's like a different country.

I reckon it's a bit like Narnia.

I meant that! It's like Narnia.

You come out of something
which is really dim and dark

and then whoosh - opulence.

Wow. Look at that.

So lovely. Thank you.

Thank you. Lovely to meet you.

You too. Hope to see you soon.

I hope so. Bye.

Everything here is monumental.

The scale is just,
well, off the scale.

There's gold everywhere
on the buildings

but the most in-your-face thing
I've seen is this,

the Church of the Spilled Blood.

It's like a cross between a church
and a cake.

It's unbelievable. Look at that.

I would never have come to Russia
in a million years

because of my perception of it

and I would have missed
this unbelievable beauty.

And I've got to an age now
where I don't want to sit

at a pool and drink a pina colada
every day.

I want to get out and see a bit
of the world.

That's just what I think,
personally, anyway.

I could be wrong. You might still
want to sit and have a pina colada

at a pool all day.

Don't blame you.

Actually, I want
to do that as well.

Coming up, I go underground
Soviet style.

I can't believe this is the tube.

And there's an awkward moment
with a Russian doll.

Oh!

That was not me.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

What's all the racket?

Good morning.

How are we? How are you?

Oh, I'm just in heaven.

We're still in St Petersburg
and there's a lot to do

but I'm not budging
until I've had my breakfast.

How do you think your diet is going
to go on the ship?

My diet? It's gone through the roof,
hasn't it?

You can diet all year, but when you
come on a cruise, chill out, man.

Special occasions like cruising,
Christmas, birthdays, Easter,

any holiday, really!

Life is too short to be forever
on a diet.

I'm having a waffle.

Thank you so very much.

How beautifully served is that?

It's like a piece of art.

I don't even want to eat it.

I am lying. I really want to eat it!

So how do you normally have waffles?

These are nice and thin. I like them
because they are thin.

Yeah. Half the guilt.
Half the guilt!

Yesterday I followed
the tourist trail

but today I'm exploring a different
sort of St Petersburg,

the one the St Petersburgers
know, and first off,

I'm going underground.

Oh, blimey.

This is a bit posh for a tube.

Looks like Caesar's Palace.

What do I do? Get a ticket?

Insert your card.

No? Oh, that's a bank.

I think that's a cash machine.
Yeah, it is.

In Soviet Russia, even the Metro
was used as propaganda.

Yes, it was mass transport for the
masses

but why shouldn't stations be
like the palaces above ground?

Here, there are wide, sweeping
staircases,

marble and grandeur everywhere.

It's like John Lewis's.

I can't believe this is the tube!

I mean, look at this.

There's more chandeliers than in
Liberace's living room

and that's saying something.

You've got crystal columns
on the tube station!

Only in Russia.

Every day, more than 2.5 million
St Petersburgers use the Metro

and all journeys cost less than 65p.

The stations may be different

but travelling underground is much
the same as anywhere else.

People don't talk much on the tube
in England either.

Even the escalator's the poshest
I've ever seen.

But now I'm after something
more Russian than caviar

and easy to keep on my mantelpiece.

Look at this!

Oh, my goodness me!

I want to show you the biggest
matryoshka doll we have.

The biggest one. What is the story
behind a Russian doll, then?

Why are they so popular?

Because of the symbol of family.

You can see the inside, there.

30 pieces inside.
30? 30, yeah.

Whoa, that's a big family.

Yes. You can see only the
woman's face, being the mother.

The most... Important.

..important in the family.

Is that what you think in Russia,
that women are the most important?

Yes, yes. I like that.

How much is that?

This is 400,000 rubles.

400,000 rubles?

How much is that in pounds?

5,600...

5,628 quid for a doll! Yeah.

Or 30 of them.

These dolls are all hand-painted
and each tells a different story.

High-end matryoshkas are prized
by collectors,

including sentimental oligarchs who
have been known to commission dolls

studded with jewels
that cost millions of dollars.

These are really a bit of a bargain.

You can see why they are worth such
a lot of money.

It's still a lot of money
for a doll.

So, on the inside...

Oh!

Oh! That was not me.
That was not me.

It's me, it's me, it's me.

I'm honestly not sure
about these dolls.

I love a knick-knack like anyone
else,

but these are halfway between
knick-knack and art,

and you know me and art.

Celebrity dolls, now you're talking!

Wow. Presidents.

Oh!

That looks like me!

That actually looks like me.

Anthony, could you let me have
a look at this one?

That's definitely me.

Oh, my God. All of a sudden,
I really like these.

Oh! Oh, these are fabulous.

Look, I've got my own Russian doll.

Matryoshka. Matryoshka McDonald.

How on earth did this happen?

HE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

How did this happen?

Did you know?

It's you. It's me!

This is wonderful.

HE SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN

I'm surprised.

I'm surprised, yeah.

My hair was a lot lighter.

Obviously, I'm much younger.

You are beautiful in the natural
than the matryoshka.

Did you hear that? You got that on
camera that he says

I'm much more beautiful
in the flesh.

It's all I'm going to say.

I think I need a hug.
Thank you so much.

Oh, I love my job.

I know when to quit and nothing is
going to top my matryoshka moment.

So I think it's time to say
proshchay, St Petersburg!

That's Russian for arrivederci.

Viewers of a nervous disposition,
look away now.

Actually, that's not a look
for camera, is it?

That's not a look for the viewers
to see me in.

They're used to seeing me looking
glamorous.

Look, these need to be here because
these lovely rollers

that we heat up in this,
it's like a microwave for rollers

and they are absolutely brilliant

but they burn my lugs, so
I've got to put these in.

It's a look, isn't it?

I mean this is all my secrets
going now, my heated rollers.

They must know this isn't natural.

It's not natural.

No.

I've been invited to Sandra
and Robert's

for a glass of champagne, but
there's only two champagne glasses

in their cabin, so you've got
to bring your own glass.

Rob. Yes. Thank you so much.

Nice to see you.
You are very welcome.

I love this room.
Welcome to our cabin.

It's gorgeous, isn't it?

It is. Oh, it's so tidy.

Ready to go.

THEY TALK INDISTINCTLY

Can I just go for the lobster,
please?

ALL: Cheers.

From St Petersburg, it's a quick
sail to Helsinki,

capital of Finland.

I have no idea what to expect
but bring it on.

Hey. Where are you going?
I'm going to Helsinki.

I'm in Finland.
I'm going to Helsinki.

In the town centre.

Cruise is like being on a magic
carpet ride,

because you get on board,
you unpack, and then you think,

I want to be in Copenhagen.

Whoosh, it takes you there,
and then you think,

I want to be in St Petersburg, and
it goes whoosh, and you're there.

Then you want to be in Helsinki

and it's whoosh, and you're there.

How fab is that?
We're on a magic carpet ride.

I must admit there's some beautiful
people over here.

Really stunning looking people

and I'd love to just sit and people
watch all day.

I love just sitting down in a cafe
and watching the world go by.

Nice fabrics there.

Hang on a minute.

Oh, I say.

Look, you can see... Oh!

Helsinki is one of the world's
great design capitals.

In the 1950s, '60s and '70s,

gay designer Tom of Finland raised
a few eyebrows, and I can see why.

What would you put in there?

Don't answer that.

Why would you have handcuffs?

Is that so you can chain them
to the cooker?

Finland is fab. Anyone or anything
can become a design icon here.

I've been told by the team that Uta
have something very special

in the shop, but they won't tell me
exactly what it is.

Hello, I'm Jane, by the way.

Hi, how are you?

Uta. Welcome. Uta.

I love this.

This is all my photographs.

I do the design myself.

This is actually taken just
from my shop door.

Really? Yes.

Here is something
really, really new.

Yeah. This is...

the original paintings are done
by a Finnish bear, called Juuso.

A real bear? Real living bear.

Not like Bear Grylls?

More like Yogi Bear.
This is a real living bear.

A real, live bear.
A real, live bear.

How does he paint? He doesn't have
a brush, he uses his paws.

You can see this. That's a paw mark.

Yes. Claws.

Claws, yeah.

But I haven't yet got to meet Juuso
but I will definitely go and meet

Juuso this summer, and I've heard
that I'm going to be...

I really want to kiss Juuso

and I want to get a picture of me
and Juuso kissing.

That's going to be really cool.
He might bite your head off.

Have you not seen that film
with Brad Pitt?

Which one? The one where he gets
mauled by a bear?

Leonardo DiCaprio.

I meant him. Have you not seen the
film with Leonardo DiCaprio?

No. Where it's got a bear.

I don't...

No?

I wouldn't watch it
just before you go.

OK, OK. I admire you so much
for kissing a bear,

but then again, you're selling
his art, so why not?

I'm not sure bear art is my thing,
if you follow my drift,

but I do like that.

That's shadows of twig.

CLANGING

Whoops! That's all right.

Thank you. I can't believe I've just
spent 300 quid on cushion covers

but they are beautiful
and worth every penny.

Ed, they are worth every penny.

Don't worry.

Everywhere you look, once again,
is a postcard.

It's gorgeous.

I need to walk round.

I need to walk round the ship.

I didn't know I could do that!

Coming up, I talk to a tree, so...

SHE SNEEZES

Excuse me.

That'll teach me to go around
sniffing trees.

And I fulfil a lifetime ambition
and join a supergroup.

Oh, my God! I am going to be the
fifth member of ABBA!

I'm in the Baltic on the Viking Sky.

A week of cruising luxury is coming
to an end

and I wish it could go on forever.

Do you know, I love this part
of the world

and that seagull has been with us
all that time.

There are more than 30,000 islands
in the Swedish archipelago

and we're sailing past loads of them
as we head into Stockholm,

our final destination.

Hello!

It's going to take us an hour to get
there which means just enough time

to hit you with my selfie stick,
hit you, hit you.

I've been on this ship now for quite
a few days and I still get lost.

It's something you will always do.

A tip as well.
Always find out where your loos are.

Because you never know.

I can hear a bird.

BIRD TWITTERS

Ah.

I like the birds going
in the background.

That's nice, isn't it? I suppose it
feels like

you are doing your ablutions in the
woods. Like the bears do.

Look at this tree.
My God, it smells like Christmas.

That's got to be fake.

Do they come and spray it every day?

Or is it real? It's probably real.

You see we live in such
a fake world, don't we?

We think everything is fake.

SHE SNEEZES

Excuse me. That'll teach me to go
around sniffing trees.

Everywhere you look,
there's amazing pieces of art.

To me that just looks like
a very young Susan Boyle.

It does look like Susan Boyle,
doesn't it?

Well, you've had another tour of the
ship. It's fabulous.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

We hope you enjoyed this
beautiful sailing

as we made our way through the
spectacular archipelago

this morning. We are currently
repositioning the ship

in the dock
alongside Stockholm pier.

Ta-ra!

Oh, look at this day.

Stockholm may be the capital
of Sweden

and one of the most beautiful
cities in the Baltic, but for me,

there's only one thing to do today.

No, it's not a trip to IKEA
to eat meatballs,

I'm going to pay homage to Sweden's
greatest ever export,

something that quite literally
changed my life,

and no, not a Volvo.

We are at the ABBA Museum.

Yes!

MUSIC: Waterloo
by ABBA

Look at this!

ABBA!

That's such a great logo.

I didn't think I would be this
excited, but I'm really excited.

For real? I am.

This is a little exhibition about
the Eurovision Song Contest.

1974, Waterloo.

This is the original outfit.

Oh, my goodness me.

I can't believe I'm looking at the
very outfits

that I watched them win in.

Ingmarie is a director
of the ABBA Museum,

but started working with the band
in the 1970s.

Hair, make-up and wardrobe.

This is me. Oh, look at you!

On the tour in '79
doing the... Washing.

Oh, love. Between the truck
and the post.

I think it's great
that you made it work.

You've made it work.
That's all you need to do.

They were genuinely happy on tour,
weren't they?

Yeah, they were, but, you know,
to be really honest,

they didn't like touring that much.

Frieda loved to be on stage, yes.

She was quite shy in front
of people off stage.

I know that Benny
wasn't keen on touring

because he was such a perfectionist
when it comes to music,

so if something sounds like this
on the record,

it has to sound like that live.

MUSIC: Mamma Mia
by ABBA

You ready for the stage now?

I can do it. You can be
the fifth member.

Oh! Oh, my God! I'm going to be the
fifth member of ABBA!

# I've been cheated by you
since I don't know when... #

Absolutely elated, puffed out,

taken back nostalgically.

# It must come to an end... #

When you hear all those amazing
songs, see how it was all made,

you can practically touch... You
actually feel like ABBA is here.

It's bizarre.

Look at that suit.

Look at that.

You can talk to whoever is calling.

Really?! It's only these four.

That's Frieda.

Fabulous. What a great time
I've had here.

Thank you.

# Mamma mia

# Here I go again

# My, my, how can I resist you?

# Mamma mia

# Does it show again

# My, my, just how much
I've missed you. #

CHEERING

It's the best ever.

MUSIC: Winner Takes It All
by ABBA

I've loved every destination
on this cruise.

Never would have been something I'd
have picked in a million years.

I've been so shocked at how lovely
it is

and how really I haven't explored

this wonderful world
that we live in.

I would definitely come back,
without a doubt.

# I don't wanna talk

# About things we've gone through

# Though it's hurting me

# Now it's history

# I've played all my cards

# And that's what you've done too

# Nothing more to say

# No more ace to play

# The winner takes it all

# The loser's standing small

# Beside the victory

# That's her destiny

# But tell me does she kiss

# Like I used to kiss you?

# Does it feel the same

# When she calls your name?

# Somewhere deep inside

# You must know I miss you

# But what can I say?

# Rules must be obeyed

# The judges will decide

# The likes of me abide

# Spectators of the show

# Always staying low

# The game is on again

# A lover or a friend

# A big thing or a small

# The winner takes it all. #

What?

Subtitles by Ericsson