Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,006
Guys, I did it!
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:06,468
- Yay!
- Amazing!
3
00:00:06,536 --> 00:00:08,437
You have no idea
what I'm talking about, do you?
4
00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:12,174
I got the liquor company
to sign off on my big idea.
5
00:00:12,242 --> 00:00:14,028
Oh, come on.
6
00:00:14,094 --> 00:00:15,561
I told you about it last night.
7
00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:16,712
You said, "Wear something cute."
8
00:00:16,779 --> 00:00:19,515
Oh. I always say that
when I'm not listening.
9
00:00:19,582 --> 00:00:21,350
Refresh our memory, so we can join
10
00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:22,898
in your excitement, please?
11
00:00:22,947 --> 00:00:25,521
So, on St. Patrick's Day,
I was doing a...
12
00:00:25,588 --> 00:00:27,789
let's call it
a-a research crawl. (CHUCKLES)
13
00:00:27,857 --> 00:00:29,892
And I noticed that
all the really packed bars
14
00:00:29,959 --> 00:00:31,527
had liquor sponsorships.
15
00:00:31,594 --> 00:00:34,463
So, long story short,
I got one for Mitzi's.
16
00:00:34,531 --> 00:00:36,465
And they said
I could keep the sponsorship fee
17
00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:37,733
as a bonus. (CHUCKLES)
18
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,169
Ooh. What kind of bonus are we talking?
19
00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:41,503
"New Mercedes" bonus
20
00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:44,072
or "the story wasn't worth it" bonus?
21
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:46,708
More like a "baby rhino" bonus.
22
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:48,377
Oh, I don't think
that's very practical, Jackie.
23
00:00:48,444 --> 00:00:50,212
You see, I used to own two baby rhinos.
24
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,414
And they're great, like,
for the first couple of months,
25
00:00:52,482 --> 00:00:56,919
and then you're basically
dealing with full-sized rhinos.
26
00:00:56,986 --> 00:00:58,921
I'm not buying one.
27
00:00:58,988 --> 00:01:01,256
We're gonna visit one
at the San Diego Zoo.
28
00:01:01,324 --> 00:01:04,026
Sammy's been obsessed
with their new baby rhino,
29
00:01:04,093 --> 00:01:05,527
and I want to take him there.
30
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:07,162
We never get to take a vacation,
31
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:09,698
but with this bonus,
we could actually go.
32
00:01:09,766 --> 00:01:12,668
Well, wear something cute.
33
00:01:12,735 --> 00:01:14,403
Uh, what event is the sponsorship for?
34
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:15,938
- Oh, you're gonna love this.
- Oh.
35
00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:17,773
Cinco de Mayo. (CHUCKLES)
36
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,408
Uh-oh.
37
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,579
Cinco de Mayo, you say?
38
00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:25,581
Yeah. And I'm gonna need
everybody's help at Mitzi's.
39
00:01:25,648 --> 00:01:28,083
Oh, super easy. All you have
to do is push some tequila,
40
00:01:28,151 --> 00:01:29,718
and we're gonna hang up
some Mexican decoration...
41
00:01:29,786 --> 00:01:31,300
May I?
42
00:01:32,589 --> 00:01:34,790
Ooh. Mustache sticks.
43
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:39,228
And-and mini novelty sombreros.
44
00:01:39,295 --> 00:01:40,762
This is perfect
45
00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,831
to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
46
00:01:44,601 --> 00:01:47,002
Which is a celebration of what again?
47
00:01:48,304 --> 00:01:50,973
Mexican Independence Day, right?
48
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,741
Uh-oh.
49
00:01:52,809 --> 00:01:55,244
No. No, Jacqueline.
50
00:01:55,311 --> 00:01:57,646
(SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY)
51
00:01:57,714 --> 00:01:59,715
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
52
00:02:08,324 --> 00:02:10,559
So I'm guessing that's a no.
53
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:14,162
Luis, could you please
Mex-plain the actual history
54
00:02:14,230 --> 00:02:16,265
of Cinco de Mayo to Jacqueline?
55
00:02:16,332 --> 00:02:19,268
Cinco de Mayo celebrates
the Battle of Puebla,
56
00:02:19,335 --> 00:02:21,503
when an undermanned band
of Mexican fighters
57
00:02:21,571 --> 00:02:23,639
defeated a much larger French army.
58
00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:24,973
Mexican independence was declared
59
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,975
more than 50 years earlier.
(JAVIER SNAPS FINGERS)
60
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,110
Exactly.
61
00:02:28,177 --> 00:02:30,145
Cinco de Mayo's
barely observed in Mexico.
62
00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:33,081
But, here, they make it a
celebration of Mexican culture.
63
00:02:33,149 --> 00:02:35,083
Which would be a beautiful thing,
64
00:02:35,151 --> 00:02:39,121
except no one knows what
the hell they're celebrating!
65
00:02:39,188 --> 00:02:40,322
Hey. Hey.
66
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,357
The whole commercialization
of Cinco de Mayo
67
00:02:42,425 --> 00:02:45,527
was driven by the American beer
companies in the late 1980s.
68
00:02:45,595 --> 00:02:47,296
And we're both very upset about it.
69
00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:48,764
(MOUTHING)
70
00:02:49,999 --> 00:02:52,501
- Wow. I had no idea.
- Mm.
71
00:02:52,568 --> 00:02:55,003
I-I was gonna ask you to be the emcee,
72
00:02:55,071 --> 00:02:56,505
but I understand if that
would make you comfortable.
73
00:02:56,572 --> 00:02:57,706
The emcee?
74
00:02:57,774 --> 00:02:59,141
In other words, a chance
75
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:01,343
to properly teach the people of Reseda?
76
00:03:01,411 --> 00:03:03,545
Well, uh, more like welcome them,
77
00:03:03,613 --> 00:03:07,049
make sure they're drinking,
host a pepper eating contest...
78
00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:09,151
Which I will do, along
with crowd-friendly jokes
79
00:03:09,218 --> 00:03:10,786
and educational songs.
80
00:03:10,853 --> 00:03:12,888
- I didn't say songs.
- You didn't have to.
81
00:03:13,956 --> 00:03:18,031
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
82
00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:20,562
I just miss the days when Cinco de Mayo
83
00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:22,831
was simply five days before Mother's Day.
84
00:03:22,899 --> 00:03:24,232
Ooh, Mother's Day.
85
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,525
- I wonder what Bijou's
going to get me this year. -
86
00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:29,404
Mm. I'm just remembering
how my whole family
87
00:03:29,472 --> 00:03:32,074
will celebrate mi mam� at our
beach house for Mother's Day,
88
00:03:32,141 --> 00:03:34,710
which everyone will be doing this year...
89
00:03:35,044 --> 00:03:36,745
without me.
90
00:03:36,867 --> 00:03:38,714
You know, maybe not.
91
00:03:38,781 --> 00:03:40,382
My little birds told me
92
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,217
that your Abuela Rosa told T�a Carla
93
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:44,986
that your mam� told Gia
at Paprika Hair Salon
94
00:03:45,054 --> 00:03:47,656
that she wishes to see
you this Mother's Day.
95
00:03:47,724 --> 00:03:49,237
- Really?
- Really.
96
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,659
You should e-mail her.
97
00:03:50,727 --> 00:03:52,928
You won't be asking for anything
except for a plane ticket
98
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:54,429
followed by a short speedboat to land,
99
00:03:54,497 --> 00:03:56,264
where Jeff Probst will
take you to the house
100
00:03:56,332 --> 00:03:58,233
in time for the family games.
101
00:03:58,301 --> 00:04:00,369
Thank you, mi coraz�n.
I will write to her.
102
00:04:00,436 --> 00:04:02,771
And then I'll get to work
on my Cinco de Mayo performance
103
00:04:02,839 --> 00:04:04,973
- for Jackie.
- Not a performance.
104
00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:07,175
Thanks for watching Sammy.
105
00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:08,510
Oh. No problem.
106
00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:12,214
Um, although could we talk
real quick outside?
107
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,194
Yeah. Sure.
108
00:04:16,152 --> 00:04:19,221
I just... I, uh, you know,
wanted to talk to you about
109
00:04:19,288 --> 00:04:22,791
how, the other day,
we almost, you know...
110
00:04:23,192 --> 00:04:24,726
kissed.
111
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,862
I've been thinking about that, too.
112
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:28,503
- Really?
- Yeah.
113
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:31,559
(CHUCKLES): That would've been
a huge mistake.
114
00:04:33,536 --> 00:04:35,303
Exactly.
115
00:04:35,371 --> 00:04:37,639
Oh. Yeah. That's what
I was gonna say, too.
116
00:04:37,707 --> 00:04:38,974
So that's... Yeah.
117
00:04:39,041 --> 00:04:40,475
And I know what my reasons are.
118
00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:44,279
So, just kind of curious
what your reasons are.
119
00:04:44,347 --> 00:04:45,714
Well, I mean, you know,
120
00:04:45,782 --> 00:04:48,316
it's just that being a couple
does not work for us.
121
00:04:48,384 --> 00:04:50,051
But hating each other
122
00:04:50,119 --> 00:04:51,453
sucks, too.
123
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,081
So,
124
00:04:53,138 --> 00:04:54,756
I was thinking maybe we could
125
00:04:54,824 --> 00:04:56,658
just be friends.
126
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,587
Crazy.
127
00:04:58,652 --> 00:05:01,129
'Cause that... I was just about
to friend zone you, too.
128
00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:02,964
- Jinx.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
129
00:05:03,032 --> 00:05:04,733
Well, it's perfect now.
130
00:05:04,801 --> 00:05:06,301
- Perfect now.
- Hmm.
131
00:05:06,369 --> 00:05:07,969
- Friends. (CHUCKLES)
- Friends it is.
132
00:05:08,037 --> 00:05:09,304
- Jinx again.
- (CHUCKLES)
133
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:10,305
(MUTTERS)
134
00:05:10,373 --> 00:05:12,641
- Okay. Mm.
- Okay. All right.
135
00:05:18,298 --> 00:05:19,399
Testing, testing. Uno, dos. Uno, dos.
136
00:05:19,466 --> 00:05:21,034
General�simo Ignacio Zaragoza.
137
00:05:21,101 --> 00:05:24,604
? �General�simo Ignacio Zaragoza! ?
138
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:27,123
Where can we plug this in?
139
00:05:27,148 --> 00:05:28,649
Mom said to find an outlet over there,
140
00:05:28,674 --> 00:05:30,141
but make sure your hands are dry.
141
00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:38,845
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
142
00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:43,323
That wasn't terrifying at all.
143
00:05:43,348 --> 00:05:45,402
Oh, amazing news!
144
00:05:45,552 --> 00:05:47,344
I just got a text from my T�o Chuey
145
00:05:47,368 --> 00:05:48,902
that mi pap�'s pilot, Guillermo,
146
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,471
told him that my father is considering
147
00:05:50,538 --> 00:05:51,638
my Mother's Day request.
148
00:05:51,706 --> 00:05:52,973
Tell Guillermo I said hi.
149
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:55,642
- Yes.
- But not Chuey.
150
00:05:57,512 --> 00:05:59,079
Sammy, remember, when the bar opens,
151
00:05:59,147 --> 00:06:00,914
I'm gonna need you to
hang out in the office.
152
00:06:00,982 --> 00:06:03,650
Yeah, things are gonna get weird, son.
153
00:06:06,187 --> 00:06:07,521
Wow.
154
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:09,156
Broke out the old poncho.
155
00:06:09,224 --> 00:06:11,091
You bet I did.
156
00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:13,127
You know,
157
00:06:13,152 --> 00:06:14,753
Cinco de Mayo's a big day for us.
158
00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:17,364
Remember, we-we first hooked up
on Cinco de Mayo.
159
00:06:17,432 --> 00:06:20,334
Mostly I remember Seis de Mayo
being a day full of regret.
160
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:21,535
(CHUCKLES)
161
00:06:22,546 --> 00:06:24,371
Listen, I know that I amigo zoned you,
162
00:06:24,439 --> 00:06:27,641
but, since it's Cinco,
we can make an exception.
163
00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:30,568
Friends but, you know, with benefits?
164
00:06:30,678 --> 00:06:32,446
Nope. Just like my job,
165
00:06:32,514 --> 00:06:34,586
this friendship has no benefits.
166
00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:37,017
Great. You passed the test.
167
00:06:37,085 --> 00:06:39,019
You've seen me at my sexiest,
and you've resisted.
168
00:06:39,044 --> 00:06:40,511
Nice job, friend.
169
00:06:41,092 --> 00:06:42,623
DEREK: Attention, everyone.
170
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,825
I'd like to introduce you
to a very special lady.
171
00:06:44,893 --> 00:06:47,661
This is Paula Perez
from Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
172
00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:49,897
Whatever she wants, she gets.
173
00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:54,234
'Cause I'm the manager of all of this.
174
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,171
- Paula, I'm Jackie.
- (CHUCKLES)
175
00:06:57,238 --> 00:06:59,573
It's so nice to finally
meet you in person.
176
00:06:59,641 --> 00:07:02,209
Derek, why don't you take
that big, giant check
177
00:07:02,277 --> 00:07:03,710
and put it upstairs in the office.
178
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,313
I don't have to do what she says.
179
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:08,382
Because I'm the boss here.
180
00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:12,386
Do you want me to tell your mom
you're not listening to me?
181
00:07:12,453 --> 00:07:14,121
I do not.
182
00:07:15,223 --> 00:07:16,824
Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
183
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,392
He's, um...
184
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:21,902
Anyway, um, thank you for sponsoring us.
185
00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:23,597
And, actually, here's our emcee.
186
00:07:23,665 --> 00:07:24,958
Paula, meet Javier.
187
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,366
Hi, Javier.
188
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:28,202
- Hi.
- Just remember to keep things fun.
189
00:07:28,269 --> 00:07:31,338
Because isn't fun what this
holiday is all about? (CHUCKLES)
190
00:07:31,406 --> 00:07:34,741
Eh, actually, it's about
an outnumbered Mexican army
191
00:07:34,809 --> 00:07:38,278
defeating a seasoned
French army in a battle.
192
00:07:38,346 --> 00:07:40,781
I think we're saying the same thing.
193
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,383
- Anyway, here's your script.
- Ah.
194
00:07:43,408 --> 00:07:45,385
Stick to that, and you'll get your bonus.
195
00:07:45,453 --> 00:07:48,215
I assure you, he will say
every one of those words.
196
00:07:48,265 --> 00:07:51,558
Yes. I have also prepared
some things to add to your words
197
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:54,027
to give people, uh,
an authentic taste of Mexico.
198
00:07:54,087 --> 00:07:57,097
Okay. But at Uncle Juan's,
we usually stay away from words
199
00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:59,433
like "authentic" and "taste."
200
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:01,869
You also stay away from correct spelling.
201
00:08:01,936 --> 00:08:04,238
Uh, there is only one "L" in "tequila."
202
00:08:04,305 --> 00:08:07,518
(LAUGHS) Well, Uncle Juan's
isn't technically tequila.
203
00:08:07,543 --> 00:08:09,243
I won't bore you with the details,
204
00:08:09,268 --> 00:08:10,835
but it's not made in Mexico,
205
00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:13,028
and it's not made with agave.
206
00:08:13,053 --> 00:08:16,021
(BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH ANGRILY)
207
00:08:17,971 --> 00:08:19,539
Remember, this is for Sammy.
208
00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,502
Show the people at Uncle
Juan's some respect.
209
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:25,058
- Yes.
- And go hawk that crap.
210
00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:28,295
? ?
211
00:08:28,363 --> 00:08:30,030
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
212
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:37,804
Welcome to Cinco de Mayo at Mitzi's!
213
00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:41,108
Brought to you by Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
214
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:43,510
Okay, who's ready to party?!
215
00:08:43,578 --> 00:08:45,312
(CHEERING)
216
00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:48,282
And get educated about Mexican history?!
217
00:08:48,349 --> 00:08:49,683
Nobody.
218
00:08:49,751 --> 00:08:50,751
(LAUGHS)
219
00:08:52,353 --> 00:08:53,687
Okay.
220
00:08:53,712 --> 00:08:56,981
Well, now here's a song
about Benito Ju�rez
221
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,459
sung to the tune of "Cielito Lindo."
222
00:08:59,527 --> 00:09:00,594
Enjoy.
223
00:09:00,662 --> 00:09:05,465
? Benito Ju�rez ?
224
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:09,126
? Was the Mexican presidente... ?
225
00:09:10,204 --> 00:09:11,471
(EXHALES)
226
00:09:11,539 --> 00:09:13,373
What's with the face?
227
00:09:13,441 --> 00:09:15,042
You didn't drink this stuff, did you?
228
00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:16,643
I just accidentally spilled some,
229
00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:19,000
and it stripped the paint off the floor.
230
00:09:20,048 --> 00:09:22,049
No. Look down there.
231
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,151
Barry is supposed to be working.
232
00:09:24,218 --> 00:09:26,453
He's being totally unprofessional.
233
00:09:26,521 --> 00:09:29,456
Yeah, this bar is all
about professionalism.
234
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:37,297
? But the Mexican army was not as easy ?
235
00:09:37,365 --> 00:09:42,069
? To beat as it seemed! ?
236
00:09:42,136 --> 00:09:43,570
�Muchas gracias!
237
00:09:43,638 --> 00:09:46,139
- (SHOUTS) �Viva M�xico!
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
238
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,343
Now, every time I hit this,
239
00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:52,346
everybody takes a shot
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla!
240
00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:53,347
(AIR HORN BLOWS)
241
00:09:53,414 --> 00:09:54,915
(CHEERING)
242
00:09:54,983 --> 00:09:55,983
JACKIE: Look at him,
243
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:59,486
with his stupid poncho
and his stupid charm.
244
00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:01,355
ELIZABETH: Wait,
245
00:10:01,422 --> 00:10:02,923
why do you care?
246
00:10:02,991 --> 00:10:04,758
(GASPS)
247
00:10:04,826 --> 00:10:06,415
Did you guys hook up?
248
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,808
No.
249
00:10:08,299 --> 00:10:09,763
But we did almost kiss.
250
00:10:09,831 --> 00:10:11,231
What? Why didn't you tell me?
251
00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:12,656
'Cause you never listen when I talk.
252
00:10:12,681 --> 00:10:15,283
Well, you finally have
something interesting to say.
253
00:10:15,308 --> 00:10:17,810
The thing is I don't want to be with him,
254
00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:20,169
but I don't want him
to be with anybody else.
255
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:21,842
Is that nuts?
256
00:10:21,909 --> 00:10:23,443
Not at all.
257
00:10:23,511 --> 00:10:25,445
I told Javi that if I die before him
258
00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:27,004
and he decides to see someone else,
259
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:30,029
I will come back as a ghost
and curse his penis.
260
00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:32,586
I just got a text.
261
00:10:32,653 --> 00:10:35,088
Javier is not invited for Mother's Day.
262
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,957
His father wants him
to prove himself worthy
263
00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:38,592
before being invited back to spend time
264
00:10:38,659 --> 00:10:40,456
with the family and Jeff Probst.
265
00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:42,963
Oh, no.
266
00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:45,098
Do you think Javi's
father's contacted him yet?
267
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,796
I'm gonna go with yes.
268
00:10:47,435 --> 00:10:49,436
(BAND PLAYING SAD MUSIC)
269
00:10:53,664 --> 00:10:55,531
Tragically, one year
after the Battle of Puebla,
270
00:10:55,599 --> 00:10:57,767
the French took over Mexico.
271
00:10:59,104 --> 00:11:03,438
Which proves nothing matters
and everything is terrible.
272
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:09,986
Except the taste
of Uncle Juan's Tequilla.
273
00:11:11,215 --> 00:11:14,684
What doesn't tequila makes you stronger.
274
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:18,486
What the hell's going on with your emcee?
275
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,178
People are getting depressed,
276
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,520
and not in a way
that makes them drink more.
277
00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:24,620
If you want your bonus,
you better fix this.
278
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,973
I'm on it.
279
00:11:25,998 --> 00:11:28,003
We will get back on track. Don't worry.
280
00:11:28,028 --> 00:11:31,384
And I'm sorry if poncho
guy is bothering you.
281
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:34,347
Oh, no, I think he's cute.
282
00:11:34,431 --> 00:11:36,524
Can you believe he's divorced?
283
00:11:36,591 --> 00:11:38,893
Who would give that up?
284
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,385
JAVIER: Okay, what's next?
285
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:44,395
Ah. The pepper eating contest.
286
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,255
- Who cares?
- Stop. Stop.
287
00:11:48,070 --> 00:11:50,504
Hi, everyone.
We're gonna take a quick break
288
00:11:50,572 --> 00:11:52,506
while I splash some water
on the big guy here.
289
00:11:52,574 --> 00:11:54,675
Luis, can you please take over?
290
00:11:54,743 --> 00:11:56,243
- It is...
- (SIGHS)
291
00:11:56,311 --> 00:11:59,213
Not really... my thing, but...
292
00:11:59,281 --> 00:12:02,216
All right, everyone!
293
00:12:02,284 --> 00:12:04,819
Hey! It's time for Uncle Juan's
294
00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:07,880
$1,000 hot pepper eating challenge!
295
00:12:07,989 --> 00:12:09,924
(CHEERING)
296
00:12:09,991 --> 00:12:12,393
Let's meet our contestants.
297
00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:14,528
Just three white people?
298
00:12:15,009 --> 00:12:16,524
Just start already.
299
00:12:16,549 --> 00:12:18,530
Come on. Surely there's a Mexican here
300
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:20,156
who wants to compete.
301
00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:21,815
I don't know why they'd dare.
302
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,877
Max Lefleur has never lost
a pepper eating challenge.
303
00:12:25,902 --> 00:12:27,469
Lefleur?
304
00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:29,243
You're French?
305
00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:31,846
Well, I don't think
you're allowed to ask that,
306
00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,380
but oui.
307
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:35,282
Come on!
308
00:12:35,307 --> 00:12:38,409
A French person can't win
on Cinco de Mayo!
309
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,022
When did I start caring about this?
310
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,556
Javi, come on. Pull yourself together.
311
00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:46,783
Why? I have been rejected by my family.
312
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,130
(SCOFFS) Not your entire family.
313
00:12:49,197 --> 00:12:52,933
Not me, not Luis, not Sammy, not Jackie.
314
00:12:52,958 --> 00:12:55,860
Come on. Don't just feel sorry
for yourself and give up.
315
00:12:55,971 --> 00:12:59,573
Is this what Generalisimo
Zaragoza did at Puebla?
316
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:02,776
Are you saying I should
challenge my father to a war?
317
00:13:02,844 --> 00:13:05,312
Because we already
did that, and look around.
318
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:07,019
We're not winning.
319
00:13:07,842 --> 00:13:09,343
No. I'm saying take action.
320
00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:11,268
Don't wait for them to do it for you.
321
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:14,421
Buy a plane ticket
and go visit your mother.
322
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:18,197
My love, we sneak our own
hot dogs into the movie theater.
323
00:13:18,994 --> 00:13:20,995
We can't afford a plane ticket.
324
00:13:21,062 --> 00:13:23,931
Well... not yet.
325
00:13:23,999 --> 00:13:26,400
(GASPS)
326
00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:29,627
Please, there must be
one Mexican willing to compete.
327
00:13:29,652 --> 00:13:31,419
JAVIER: There is!
328
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,447
My name is Javier Frederico
Fayad Santiago Flores Gomez!
329
00:13:35,644 --> 00:13:39,914
And tonight, my mouth belongs to Mexico!
330
00:13:39,981 --> 00:13:42,283
- (BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
- Let's do this!
331
00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:44,351
(CHEERING, RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)
332
00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:55,529
Hey!
333
00:13:55,597 --> 00:13:58,332
"Uncle Juan's Tequilla abides
by the rules
334
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,935
of the International
Hot Pepper Eating Association."
335
00:14:01,002 --> 00:14:03,337
That cannot be a thing.
336
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:05,172
"There are four rounds.
337
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,775
"Each pepper gets increasingly hotter.
338
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,801
The full pepper must be consumed."
339
00:14:09,826 --> 00:14:12,228
If you take a drink of milk, you are out.
340
00:14:12,253 --> 00:14:14,521
Might as well drink your milk now, baby.
341
00:14:14,716 --> 00:14:19,186
I only drink my milk warmed up
with a little bit of cinnamon.
342
00:14:20,255 --> 00:14:21,789
Our first pepper is
343
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:26,084
the jalape�o with
a Scoville Heat Unit of 5,000.
344
00:14:26,194 --> 00:14:27,962
(BAND PLAYS MUSICAL STING)
345
00:14:28,029 --> 00:14:30,231
�Ol�! And go!
346
00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:32,733
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
347
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:35,302
He drank the milk! He's out!
348
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:37,171
(GUITAR PLAYS LIVELY MUSICAL STING)
349
00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:38,629
Onto pepper number two.
350
00:14:38,654 --> 00:14:40,822
- Things are going pretty well, right?
- Yeah.
351
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,415
Except you're supposed to
be working, not flirting.
352
00:14:43,612 --> 00:14:45,987
I have not been flirting.
353
00:14:46,012 --> 00:14:48,155
Please. I know all your moves.
354
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,718
Making her laugh and lassoing her.
355
00:14:50,785 --> 00:14:52,219
It was just disgusting.
356
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,189
Oh. You are jealous.
357
00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:57,262
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
358
00:14:57,287 --> 00:15:01,242
J-E... middle letters, S.
359
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:04,236
Jealous. Thank you.
360
00:15:04,432 --> 00:15:06,305
I'm not jealous!
361
00:15:07,168 --> 00:15:09,242
I'm not jealous, either.
362
00:15:09,938 --> 00:15:12,406
But I think I know
how we can split 'em up.
363
00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:14,008
Do it.
364
00:15:14,075 --> 00:15:15,568
(BAND PLAYS MUSICAL STING)
365
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,900
And we're down to the final pepper!
366
00:15:18,113 --> 00:15:19,546
(MUSICAL STING)
367
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,582
Two contestants remain.
368
00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,884
One from the land where
ancient civilizations
369
00:15:23,952 --> 00:15:26,553
developed complex calendars
and architecture,
370
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,455
the other where ancient civilizations
371
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,581
didn't bathe for 300 years.
372
00:15:31,205 --> 00:15:33,841
For the record, I'm French-Canadian.
373
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:37,202
Shut your maple hole
and get ready to lose!
374
00:15:37,499 --> 00:15:39,466
Our last pepper is
375
00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:42,102
the Delaware Death-Stick,
created in a laboratory
376
00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:44,996
by a team of disgraced
Hungarian scientists.
377
00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:47,957
This little baby
has a Scoville rating of...
378
00:15:47,982 --> 00:15:49,316
one million.
379
00:15:49,511 --> 00:15:50,944
(MUSICAL STING)
380
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:53,781
Put on your gloves
381
00:15:53,806 --> 00:15:56,074
and call your loved ones,
because this one's hot.
382
00:15:56,099 --> 00:15:58,901
"What's not hot is Uncle Juan's
extra mild pico de gallo...
383
00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:01,127
"now with real tomatoes and onions.
384
00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:03,820
Look for us on the bottom shelf
of your local gas station."
385
00:16:04,059 --> 00:16:05,626
Okay, here we go.
386
00:16:05,651 --> 00:16:08,219
Gentlemen, the first one
to go for the milk is out.
387
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:10,130
Eat... that... pepper.
388
00:16:10,198 --> 00:16:11,598
(WHOOPING, CHEERING,
BAND PLAYS MUSIC STING)
389
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,599
ELIZABETH: Javi!
390
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,001
You can do it!
391
00:16:21,876 --> 00:16:23,177
(CRIES)
392
00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:27,414
- (SQUEALING)
- Javier wins!
393
00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:28,649
- Javier wins!
- (CHEERING)
394
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:29,917
�Viva Mexico!
395
00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:32,820
You did it, honey!
396
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:34,321
- Come here!
- Mmm.
397
00:16:34,389 --> 00:16:36,357
(SCREAMS)
398
00:16:36,382 --> 00:16:38,216
I'm on fire!
399
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:40,409
(SCREAMS)
400
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:44,320
All right, it's Cinco de Barry!
401
00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:48,815
What is Barry doing?
402
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,540
I got him away from Paula by asking him
403
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:51,839
to perform a few songs.
404
00:16:51,906 --> 00:16:53,312
You're welcome.
405
00:16:53,337 --> 00:16:56,105
- Can't you see what's gonna happen?
- Never.
406
00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:57,831
He's gonna perform, she's
gonna see him up onstage
407
00:16:57,856 --> 00:16:59,743
and think he looks super sexy,
and it's gonna remind her
408
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,335
of the first time they
met on Cinco de Mayo.
409
00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,317
- Like, an hour ago?
- And then forgetting
410
00:17:03,342 --> 00:17:04,942
all the promises she made to herself,
411
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,634
she's gonna go home with him
even though they decided
412
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,326
on the porch that they were
only gonna be friends
413
00:17:08,351 --> 00:17:11,286
- for the sake of their child.
- And when did they have a baby?!
414
00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:13,293
I've got to stop him from playing.
415
00:17:13,361 --> 00:17:14,703
I'm gonna cut the power to the amp.
416
00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:16,316
All right, you guys know me as the guy
417
00:17:16,391 --> 00:17:17,798
that's been slinging margs all night.
418
00:17:17,823 --> 00:17:19,288
Well, I hope you like 'em on the rocks,
419
00:17:19,313 --> 00:17:21,915
- 'cause we're about to rock out!
- (PLAYS NOTE)
420
00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:23,670
All right, you guys
have to step back, though,
421
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,239
'cause I do jump around a lot.
422
00:17:25,306 --> 00:17:27,427
Which one is it? The-the orange
or the white or the gray?
423
00:17:27,452 --> 00:17:29,983
I don't know. I'm color-blind!
424
00:17:31,079 --> 00:17:32,913
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
425
00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:35,182
All right, let's do this!
426
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,583
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
427
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:38,585
- (THUD)
- Ow!
428
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,361
Hey.
429
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,242
Your knees feeling any better?
430
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:48,101
Yeah. Feels like
431
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,527
the caps are back
where they're supposed to be.
432
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,839
Thank you. (SIGHS)
433
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,674
I'm sorry you didn't get your bonus.
434
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,644
Yeah. I think not being able
to get the power back on
435
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,846
and everyone leaving
was sort of a deal breaker.
436
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,067
Yeah.
437
00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,682
And me landing on Paula
438
00:18:04,707 --> 00:18:07,175
after my leap
probably didn't help, either.
439
00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:10,239
And you were right.
440
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,159
I was totally jealous.
441
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,128
I couldn't stand
seeing you flirt with her.
442
00:18:17,153 --> 00:18:19,788
Well, I was only flirting
to make you jealous.
443
00:18:21,112 --> 00:18:22,446
You're who I want.
444
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,670
I obviously still
have feelings for you, too,
445
00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:29,331
which is why this whole
friends idea is not gonna work.
446
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:33,320
Okay, yeah, so... what are you saying?
447
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:34,979
Should we give us a try again?
448
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:37,105
No. That won't work, either.
449
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,217
If we got back together, it would just
450
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,352
end up ugly like it always does.
451
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,354
I don't know. Maybe this time it won't.
452
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,891
If it was just you and me,
I might take that chance.
453
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:50,018
But I can't risk
putting Sammy through that.
454
00:18:51,781 --> 00:18:53,631
So where does this leave us?
455
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:57,368
We're a divorced couple raising a kid.
456
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,804
When he's with me, he's with me.
457
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:03,307
When he's with you,
he's with you, and that's it.
458
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,512
Okay, I give up.
459
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,881
We'll do things your way.
460
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:12,282
(SIGHS)
461
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:16,721
I'm not walking slowly to be dramatic.
462
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,432
I'm just in tremendous pain.
463
00:19:20,604 --> 00:19:22,805
May I freshen that up for you?
464
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:25,930
No, no. No, thank you, Luis.
465
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,956
I think my lips are functional again.
466
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,569
- Oh.
- Oh.
467
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,071
Oh. That hurt worse than
getting collagen injections.
468
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:35,540
(SIGHS)
469
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,576
Um, or so I'm told.
470
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,077
Wow. It smells great in here.
471
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:43,214
Oh, Luis has prepared
an authentic Mexican meal.
472
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,916
It is nothing much: chicken mole
473
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,551
which has been slow cooking
the entire day,
474
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:49,120
platanos con crema and nopalitos.
475
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,856
I had my heart set
on nuking some fish sticks,
476
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,457
but this is good.
477
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,762
That's her way of saying thank you, Luis.
478
00:19:56,787 --> 00:19:58,847
I know. I'm actually quite touched.
479
00:20:00,652 --> 00:20:03,153
I just wanted to reiterate that
I've never gotten my lips done.
480
00:20:03,178 --> 00:20:04,645
Mm.
481
00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:07,317
- They're just naturally plump.
- Mm.
482
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,740
Speaking of lies...
483
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,544
...I just want to tell you
I'm really sorry
484
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,646
that we can't take
that trip to San Diego.
485
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,148
Well, actually, you might be
486
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,817
taking that vacation after all. Luis?
487
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,620
Jackie, I have signed
this comically large check
488
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:26,490
over to you, so now you and
Sammy can go see the baby rhino.
489
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,492
Thank you so much!
490
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,718
Not that there's any take-backs here,
491
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,598
but weren't you gonna use this
to see your family?
492
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,624
Well, I have decided not to go.
493
00:20:35,649 --> 00:20:38,684
Yes, I miss Mexico, but
Elizabeth has helped me realize
494
00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:42,645
that I don't need to go away
to be surrounded by family.
495
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,476
Are you sure, Javier?
496
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:48,636
Mom, the tribe has spoken.
497
00:20:48,686 --> 00:20:53,236
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36198
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
