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Original subtitles

Tonight...

BOTH: # Two hearts that beat as one... #

This programme contains strong language.

Hello and welcome to Big Brother Best Shows Ever,

with me Ryland, and the icon, the big mother herself,

Miss Davina McCall.

No, we were set to such a hard task.

But it's a task we both loved.

We had to pick our favourite episodes of Big Brother

from 2000 to 2010.

And Davina, it was a lot more difficult than I thought

it was going to be. Erm, I mean, it's very, very tough to choose

and I know that we really struggled.

But we have tried to choose whole episodes that are amazing,

not just those episodes where one classic thing happened.

And literally every episode is like that, I think.

There's not one episode where something genius didn't happen.

So, this particular ep I loved.

I think the task was the thing that made it.

And it's the one with Verne Troyer, Coolio, Ulrika...

..erm, and the task was

to do something to show that you are famous. Yeah.

Celebrity press pack type thing? Yeah.

We are literally throwing this back to 2009,

Celebrity Big Brother Six. Do you have any memories of launch night?

I do remember thinking that it was the weirdest,

most eclectic bunch of people. Like, so out there.

Erm, it's hard to...

..find people in that house who weren't epic housemates.

It was so good, but I just remember, I think it was bang, bang,

one after the other... Ulrika was someone who -

I'd always thought of her as more of a man's woman.

Like, I don't know why,

but I saw such a different side to Ulrika on Big Brother.

And I think this is why I love Big Brother so much.

Mm. That celebrities can go in and you will have - you know,

you have a preconceived idea about a celebrity.

You don't have that on the normal ones. No.

And I had a picture of Ulrika in my head

and she just smashed every kind of preconception

I had about her, and I really thought she was

so brilliant in this. Davina? Yes.

Shall we go back to 2009? Yes. Let's do it.

Day six, 12:27pm.

Some of the housemates are at the sofas.

Last night Big Brother revealed to the housemates

that head of house Terry had secretly nominated

Ben, Lucy and Ulrika.

The remaining housemates voted to save Ben from the public vote.

Therefore, Ulrika and Lucy face eviction on Friday.

Do you know what was really sad?

I won... And still to this day I believe,

I won loads of medals for running races and football trophies

and all that kind of stuff. Oh, really? And I had them all

- this was when I was a kid - and I had them all over the thing.

And my mum told me the other day

that I didn't actually win any of them.

I didn't win them, but she bought me the trophies anyway!

Oh! So for years I've been thinking, yeah, I've been awesome at football,

a really fast runner. And she bought them for you?

Yeah, cos she said that, she said that it was the effort

and I probably should have won, but, you know, all the other,

all the other kids...

So I used to go home and win it anyway. Really? Yeah.

Lucy is in the diary room.

BIG BROTHER: Do you think your housemates have been surprised

by you in any way?

Erm, probably.

I guess it all depends on...

..their ideas of what a Page 3 girl is going to be like.

I think people do, I think we - which I do - we all stereotype

and stuff, but I think it's that thing of kind of judging someone

on their profession and thinking that a profession

will define how people are.

Things about other people have surprised me.

So, I might of, I'm not sure.

You'll have to ask them.

La Toya and Coolio are at the dining table.

You like to dance, don't you?

I can't really dance.

I just got my own moves. Yes, you can. I got my own moves.

I know. No, but I notice the two,

the two young ones always have to find the beat first.

They have to go like, "OK, this is it",

instead of just coming natural to you.

Ben don't really have rhythm, the young guy.

And I suppose he used to get his,

he used to pick up off the other guys in his band. Mm.

And they gave him his rhythm. That's what Tito used to do.

Just look around at the brothers and go, "OK, this foot."

Oh, Tito didn't have it?

1:06pm.

Ulrika and Terry are in the kitchen.

Let's get at the bread on. Where is all the bread?

Erm, underneath there, Bri... Erm, Brian.

Oh, my God, I called you by my husband's name. That's awful.

Thick. You're nothing like him.

Do you want white? He's a doer!

I'm a doer, too!

La Toya and Coolio are at the sofas.

That works well.

Could you close this?

# I'm in the mood for love

# Simply because you're near me... #

LA TOYA LAUGHS

# Funny but we're... #

You know a lot of songs, which is really good.

I read a lot. I listen to a lot of music. That's my life.

Yeah, no, you're right. Music is my life.

Mutya and Tina are at the ashtray.

Fucking Coolio sings every five minutes.

Oh, my God, yeah. He does sing a rap for everything.

Yeah. I've heard it, yeah. I've had his rapping...

I've heard his whole ten albums, I think!

Everyone of them over. Did he say his best three songs was his own?

I don't know. I swear he said three things songs that he chose.

Oh, I don't know. From his albums!

See, I remember, you know,

I mean, obviously, Gangsta's Paradise was brilliant.

But I remember...

# Been spending most our life

# Living in a pastime paradise

# We've been spending most our life... #

Oh, is that what it is? It was Stevie Wonder. Oh, really? Yeah.

See, I didn't know that. # Dedication, segregation... #

I didn't know there was an original.

I had no idea. Yeah, it's Stevie Wonder. Oh, OK.

It's Stevie Wonder. There you go, everybody.

Something you learn new. Yeah. I never knew.

If you started talking to everybody, everybody wants to hear you talk.

I wish I had your...

..your volume. You speak so loudly.

Start hanging out with me, you get some volume.

Start screaming and everything. I'll let you borrow some.

I already know when this is over,

I'm probably never going to see you again, though.

Don't say that. Don't forget up there, OK?

I got you, I got you, mama.

I'm glad you're doing it, cos this is the part I hate.

I love to touch your hands, so, you know, it's a thrill for me.

I mean, if you want me to, I'd rather do your toes, though.

Those are fine.

No, those are fine.

I hope your boyfriend don't get mad though. I don't have a boyfriend.

Oh, my... Oh, just keep going. Oh...

Being alone...

..alone is no way to spend your life.

We got to start hanging out.

Even if we just be friends.

I'm getting older. I don't like sleeping around.

The way you talk, I would never believe that.

I don't like sleeping around, so I got to have,

I got to have a girlfriend.

You know? I got to be with somebody.

Aren't you afraid of catching diseases? What did I just say?

You're tired of... I don't like sleeping around.

Yeah, but still you've already done it.

Back in the day.

So you could have a disease and not know it, it's lying dormant.

Oh, hell no. I got no goddamn disease!

LA TOYA LAUGHS

Please. And I've always been careful.

I mean, I got six kids, but they're not by six different women, so...

They're not? They're by two different women?

Four. Oh, four. OK. And none of them have a disease.

I like being in love. I like having somebody to come home to.

I bet. Yeah, I bet you're right.

Don't you miss, do you not miss that sometimes?

I want to ask you a question, but I don't want to ask because...

Spoon like...

Like, if you're... I don't want people to think I don't know,

but I... If you're laying this way somebody's behind you.

Oh, that's what that means? And they just hold you.

Oh, like spoons nest in a drawer? Yeah. OK.

The way spoons, yeah, nest. In the drawer. OK.

Give me another one. Oh, OK.

Cos I heard you use that before, and other people,

and I said, "What does that mean?"

HE MUMBLES

I mean, only on Celebrity Big Brother

would we be seeing Coolio doing La Toy...

I know, she was like, "Here are my nails", basically.

Oh, no, sorry. Sorry, babe. Coolio's just finishing mine off.

That's it.

Oh, right, yeah.

Thank you, darling. Yeah, he's really good.

And he was flirty, flirty, dirty flirty, right?

Oh, my God, majorly. I mean, there is only one reason... Wasn't he?

..one reason why he had that nail varnish in his hand, let's be fair.

That's the other thing that I love about Celebrity Big Brother,

seeing them do their stuff,

their normal kind of daily routines.

Brushing teeth, one of my favourite things of all time.

It's just brilliant. How does somebody brush their teeth?

Do they dribble everywhere? Well, for me it takes a team.

It takes a team!

Oh, but it's so worth it!

There's no lights in this room! Look at them, darling!

It's actually my mouth. Look at them.

Beautiful. It's a beautiful thing.

Do not go anywhere, cos straight after the break we are going

to be reliving the rest of Celebrity Big Brother Six.

Welcome back to Big Brother: Best Shows Ever,

and Rylan and I are showing you Celebrity Big Brother 6

and it is day six.

Big Brother has gathered the housemates at the sofas

for this week's shopping task.

Do you know something? Problem is I just...didn't want to use...

Shit! Oh, mind the egg! Oi, watch the egg!

Didn't want to use that word. You div. Eh?

I didn't want to use that word.

Swingers. Oh, yeah, shit.

Oh, for God's sake. It's like a having a toddler.

Was he not getting attention? Yeah.

TINA: OK, I have to read the instructions to you

for this week's shopping task.

"Housemates, for this week's shopping task, housemates will

"replicate the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

"The task will consist of five separate challenges,

"each related to a different aspect of modern-day celebrity culture.

"The group as a whole must fail no more than two challenges

"in order to pass this week's shopping task.

"Big Brother has allocated the following roles

"to the following housemates...

"Celebrity Couple. Ben and Michelle must become a fake celebrity couple.

"Their challenge will test their ability to work together as a team.

"Celebrity Cult. Mutya and Terry must join a made-up celebrity cult.

"Their challenge will test their memory and their commitment

"to their new made-up faith.

"Celebrity Reality Show. La Toya and Tommy must star

"in a celebrity reality TV show, where they must learn

"and perform an ice-skating routine.

"Celebrity Cover Version.

"Ulrika and Verne must become Diana Ross and Lionel Richie..."

THEY LAUGH

"..and learn and perform..." Oh, brilliant.

"..a cover version of their classic duet, Endless Love."

Oh, brilliant. VERNE: I don't know this song.

"Coolio, Lucy and Tina must become members of the paparazzi..."

Would we get a camera? "They must stake out the gar..."

Do we get a camera? Bastards.

"They must stake out the garden for 24 hours..."

HOUSEMATES LAUGH

Yeah, but we can see the garden from here. "..and photograph

"any appearances from non-housemate celebrities." We get a camera!

"If housemates fail three or more of the five challenges,

"they will fail this week's shopping task and will receive

"a basic food budget."

COOLIO: We're going to fail our task immediately

because I'm not going to stake out shit for no 24 hours

and be outside. TINA: Well, we'll have a laugh.

You'll freeze to death. Yeah. I'll smoke myself to death. Yeah.

Stay up all night like that.

OK, I'm staying up all night. Hurrah. Fucking hell. Yeah.

TINA: Can somebody do me a flask of brandy?

All the housemates are in the luxury bedroom. Big Brother has provided

the housemates with rehearsal costumes for this week's

Celebrity Lifestyle shopping task.

For their part in the task, Verne and Ulrika must become

Lionel Richie and Diana Ross,

and perform their hit single Endless Love.

# And love

# Oh, oh, love

# I'll be a fool

# For you

# I'm sure... #

TINA: Fucking hell.

# You know I don't mind

# Oh, you don't mind, don't mind

# Cos you... #

Can they not hear themselves?

# You mean the world to me

# Oh

# I know # I know

# I found # I found

# You... # Oh, shit.

We'll never get that bit. No.

# My endless love

# And I'll give it all to you

# My love # My love

# My love

# My endless love. #

Everybody got out of here because we're singing bad.

What did you say? Everybody left because we're singing bad.

ULRIKA LAUGHS

Yeah. Oh, God.

Coolio, Tiny, Mutya and Terry are at the ashtray.

As Chesney Hawkes' cult members, Mutya and Terry must worship

at a shrine, and memorise as many Chesney Hawkes facts as possible.

Bloody hell. There is no God. There is only Chesney. I know.

What would Chesney rather eat than brown ice?

TINA: Wrong fucking bastard.

Oh, oh, oh... My arse?

Pee? Yellow snow. Yellow snow, that's it. Don't eat yellow snow.

Mutya, just keep answering. Tina's arse.

Michelle and Ben must become a fake celebrity couple.

Right, OK, so you're a raging alcoholic and you just got

kicked off your team, which you bought yourself into. Yeah.

Bognor United. Bognor United.

And I just can't... Even though, like, I'm a gold digger,

I'm on the verge of leaving because I can't handle the fact

that you keep drinking. Is this good teamwork, though?

But I'm hanging on there because you've got money. OK, great.

And you're a plastic surgeon. I got to keep buying you...

And because I've had so much plastic surgery,

you need to keep topping me up. Otherwise, everything just falls

to the floor. It'll fall off. OK. Like, everything's just

neatly sewn on. But I have... MICHELLE LAUGHS

Maybe I'm not a very good plastic surgeon,

so I've just done it with, like, a needle and thread.

Needle and thread and some chicken fillets.

THEY LAUGH

Most of the housemates are in the living room.

Whenever cult members Terry and Mutya hear Chesney Hawkes'

hit single, The One And Only, they have 30 seconds to reach the shrine.

They must then worship Chesney Hawkes

until the song's played again.

The track he does called - what is it? - Black Steel.

You know, they all play, these guys, been doing it for years.

OK. Somebody just jammed it live in the studio.

MUSIC: The Only And Only by Chesney Hawkes

# I am the one and only

THEY LAUGH HEARTILY

I didn't think you did it...

LUCY: They've got to go. Chesney Hawkes. Watch!

Chest. Knees. Oh... BOTH: Hawk!

BOTH: Chest. Knees. No! Chest. Knees. Hawk!

Chest. Knees. Hawk!

Chest. Knees. Hawk. MUSIC RESTARTS

# I am the one and only... # Is that it?

LUCY: So they stop now? That's right.

Chest. Knees. Hawk!

Chest... I think we're fine. Yeah, I think that's it.

Not sure.

Is it once or twice, or...? MUTYA LAUGHS

Just for good luck? We're very devoted.

We'll just do it anyway, yeah? Serves us right, that, doesn't it?

Oh. Oh, at least there's a bit of music going on here.

COOLIO: That's a garbage song. That was hilarious.

# I am... # He's like this,

"Chest. Knees. Hawk!" COOLIO: You like that song?

OK. Oh, shit. MICHELLE: Don't be dissing the Chesney. No, no.

No, no, you're not allowed to. Not you, erm... Coolio. Coolio.

MUSIC: The Only And Only by Chesney Hawkes

# I am the one and only... #

Terry's going to do that every time.

Chest. Knees. Hawk.

Chest. Knees. Hawk!

Chest. Knees. Hawk. Oh, my God.

Chest. Knees. Hawk.

Nine minutes later.

Chest. Knees. Hawk.

So they got to do it until the music comes back on again?

Fucking stupid. Are they still doing it?

Chest. Knees. Hawk.

Chest... Do we have to...? Do you know what? Let's form an offshoot.

Sorry. Oh, spitting feathers.

They're just taking liberties now. We failed it anyway.

Verne is in the bedroom.

# My endless love

# Two hearts

# Two hearts that beat as one

# Our lives have just begun

# Ooh

# I want you close in my arms

# I can't resist your charm... #

Most of the housemates are in the living room.

Coolio and Lucy are in the press pen.

Over the next 24 hours,

random celebrities will appear unannounced over the garden wall.

The paparazzi housemates must spot and photograph these celebrities

each time they appear.

The paparazzi have been staking out the garden for one hour

and 32 minutes.

TINA: Should we decide as well between us?

Should we, like, take an hour here and there or whatever?

Two members of the paparazzi team must be present in the press pen

at all times.

Then it'll end up we have more time off than you because we smoke.

Yeah, but I don't mind.

Honestly, it's not... You know.

And he'll get off. Yeah, but he's going to anyway. Hey.

Yeah, but I'll go ballistic. Yeah, I know.

But he's going to do it anyway.

What? It's not fair.

Because you know what'll end up - we'll do more hours. Simple as.

Where's he gone now? To take his thermals off?

Yeah. I'm not gonna sit here for three hours and let him come

and sit here for ten minutes, do you know what I mean?

He's going to try and... He'll drive me mad. I'd rather he did piss off,

at times.

Verne, Coolio and Ulrika are in the luxury bedroom.

I fucking eat leftovers and fucking cereal.

Come on, give it a go. Don't be such a whinger.

I'm not gonna sit up... Bloody hell, I've never known such a bunch of whingeing old whingers.

I'm not gonna stay up all night.

Come on. Well, you don't have to. You're doing it in a rota.

We can't even see...from inside to outside because of the lights.

Oh, whinge, whinge.

"Oh, I can't, I can't." It's only because you're scared of failing.

No, I'm a pap... You don't want to lose face.

Listen, I'm not a paparazzi and I don't want to be

and I never would be. But this is act... This is just pretend!

Yeah, but... It's just pretend and it's just a show. Yeah, well...

I'm going to pretend like I failed. Come on, Coolio.

I'll pretend to fail. Come on. Come on.

I never fail, but I'll pretend to fail on this. Come on.

Why can't I do what you guys are doing? VERNE: I wish.

You are a singer. It wouldn't be a challenge, would it?

I'm not a singer, I'm a rapper. Oh, good Lord.

COOLIO SIGHS DEEPLY

The first celebrity to appear over the wall is

Lucy Pinder's Page Three colleague Michelle Marsh.

The fuck is that? LUCY: Where, where, where?

Are you winding us up? No, no... Oh, don't, don't... I'm out.

Easy. Ah! Oh, there's somebody out there! What?

Isn't there? Isn't there?

Oh, my God, there is someone. Look! There's someone outside. Quick!

No, no, no. We're allowed out. We're allowed out

to photograph. What's your name? Who is it?

Who is it? Oh, my God!

Who's that? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

TINA: Who is it? Michelle! MICHELLE HEATON: Hello, Michelle!

Are we allowed to talk to you? Michelle? Michelle who?

My friend Michelle Marsh. It's Michelle Marsh.

Michelle Marsh. Oh, take me home!

Is she famous? Take me home!

Mwah! Hi!

I love you! TOMMY: Michelle, what about the football results?

Did Celtic win at the weekend?

Michelle! Will you tell Hugh that I love him, please?

LUCY: That's made me want to go home. Thank you very much.

ALL: Bye! Your hair's really nice!

Bye! I got a good one of her.

Make sure you join us straight after the break where we're going to

be heading back to day six of Celebrity Big Brother 6.

See you after this.

Welcome back to Big Brother: Best Shows Ever.

We have gone way back to 2009, at Celebrity Big Brother 6,

and we are showing you day six.

I think we should all just, er, just take a minute

to think about Ulrika Jonsson and Verne Troyer.

And there it is. It's beautiful.

Verne, God rest his soul,

and, like so many of our lovely Big Brother housemates have left us.

Um, but Verne really struggled with this task so much

and he knew he was really going to struggle. There was no hissy fit.

There were no dramas.

He just got down to it and he sat on that bed with his headphones on

and Ulrika knew it. So she was kind of OK, you know.

She wasn't going to struggle

and she's got quite a lovely voice, actually. But Verne...

Imagine trying to learn a track from scratch.

It's quite a big thing to perform in front of everybody else

when you really struggle with that.

Yeah, I mean, it's weird that you asked me that question, because,

yeah, it is really, really difficult to perform in front of millions

when you know you can't sing.

Oh, shut up!

NARRATOR: The paps have been staking out the garden

for the past three hours and four minutes.

Big Brother has gathered the rest of the housemates for Verne

and Ulrika's performance of the Lionel Richie

and Diana Ross classic, Endless Love.

Oh, look, your bowtie's come undone. Come here.

In order to pass their part of the task,

Ulrika and Verne's performance must receive 10,000 or more hits

on the Big Brother website over the next 28 hours.

Can somebody grab that stool that's in the bathroom?

The just one-step stool.

TERRY CHRISTIAN: Have you got preperformance nerves?

HE IMITATES MANIACAL LAUGHTER

Shut up! I'm gonna mess up. Shut up, Coolio.

Give it a rest. I don't want you're laughing at.

You've got to sit up all night and not sleep.

MUSIC STRIKES UP Oh, shit.

# My love

# There's only you in my life

# The only thing that's bright

Woo!

# My first love

# You're every breath that I take

# You're every step I make

# And I # I, I, I

# I want to share

# All my love

# With you

# No-one else but you

# And your eyes # Your eyes, your eyes

# They tell me how much you care

# Oh-oh-oh, yes

# You will always be

# My endless love

# Bom-bom

# Bom-bom-bom bom-bom-bom

# Bom-bom bom-bom-bom

# Oh-oh-oh

# Oh, love

# I'll be a fool for you

# I'm sure

# I know you don't mind

# Oh, I know you don't mind I don't mind!

# And ye-e-es

# You'll be the only one

# The one

# Cos no-one can deny

# This love we have inside

# And I'll give

# Give it all to you

# My love # My love, my love

# My endless love. #

CHEERING

More, more!

Encore, encore!

That was the best! That was so good.

Fabulous, fabulous. Thank you, there is no more.

Seriously, honestly. That was brilliant.

The best. Lionel Richie!

You did so well. So did you. You should be proud of yourself.

Do you want to keep this here, bro, or should I put it away?

We don't need it. Put it away.

You what, I what? No, you helped me through the whole thing.

Else, I wouldn't have got... Oh, don't be soft. Ha-ha!

Ah! Can we quickly just discuss Verne's outfit?

So Verne's wearing the moustache, the Afro.

I've never seen anything so brilliant in all my life.

Ulrika's got this whole number going on.

And the other thing that I properly loved about Ulrika,

because she didn't laugh once, she was looking at him.

She was in it. She was really feeling that song with him,

every moment, willing him to do well.

And then, at the end, she kissed him on the lips.

I loved that! What did you think of her singing?

I mean, I shouldn't ever sit on the television

and talk about someone else's singing abilities,

but, what I will say is, yeah, she sounded great.

Like, she really, really did.

And like we said earlier in the show, you know,

a lot of people had a bit of a preconception about Ulrika.

You had yours, thinking she was more of a man's woman,

rather than a girl's girl.

It was just little moments like that you could actually see

she was really trying to help Verne. I think...

She knew she was on TV. She knew it was a funny moment.

She knew they were both dressed silly.

And she knew it was a task.

But I think, deep down, as much as she was playing that role, I think

she was also being quite motherly of Verne. Yeah.

Very. And she could have played it differently.

She could have played it for laughs and it wouldn't have been nice.

No, I totally agree. And she didn't.

I think she really, really held his hand through that and,

like you say, that little kiss at the end

was a bit like, oh, stop it!

NARRATOR: Most of the housemates are in the living room.

The paparazzi have been in the press pen for four hours.

I thought you were going for a cigarette. I am.

I'm trying to get a lighter. You want a lighter? Yeah.

Oh, he's going to drive me insane.

I'm past fucking caring now.

IN AMERICAN ACCENT: We shit out, big time.

No, seriously.

I can tell that you're having to bite your... Yeah.

And I just get off. Yeah, but it'll get too much.

Head of house Terry is in the diary room.

How do you think your fellow housemates are adapting

to their tasks?

One or two of them seem a little bit stressed about it, I have to say.

I do not want to mention any individuals, at the moment,

who seem under quite a lot of stress and pressure...

..but, Tina, Coolio. Actually, that might be it, really.

I kind of do find it faintly amusing.

Not in a cruel way, not in a cruel way,

but I do find it quite amusing when they get a bit aeriated in that way.

Do you want yours? No, you go and have yours. Are you sure?

You haven't had any.

I'll go last.

In order to pass their part of the task, the paparazzi must

photograph every celebrity who appears over the garden wall.

Don't feel right.

Michael Barrymore is the next celebrity to appear.

HE YAWNS LOUDLY

There's somebody waving at me from the council block!

Eight miles away!

HE LAUGHS

Come on, I haven't been off telly that long.

Something's moving. Something is moving.

Something was moving. It's obviously not a celebrity,

but there's something moving. Didn't see anything? Yeah. Thanks, hon.

This is getting delirious, a little bit. I am, too.

As the paparazzi did not spot Michael Barrymore,

they have failed this part of the task.

The housemates are permitted to fail two challenges

for the duration of the shopping task.

Some of the housemates are in the living room.

As well as worshipping the Chesney shrine, Terry

and Mutya must also take part

in a What Would Chesney Do quiz later today.

Chesney would rather wash in a shower of gravy every morning

than...? Sleep in bed with ants.

Sleep in a bed OF ants. Oh, sleep in a bed of ants.

Um, Chesney would rather live one year as a rat...

Instead of having a face as a rat for the rest of his life.

That's not right.

He'd rather have a year with his face as a rat than live like a rat.

No, he'd rather live like a rat for a year...

MUSIC STRIKES UP

# I am the one and only COOLIO SINGS ALONG

Cigarette! Where are my cigarettes?

Oh, please sit down. Do that in your chair.

BOTH: Chest, knees, hawk!

Chest, knees, hawk!

Chest... Oh! Quick! Celebrity!

BOTH: Chest, knees... Wrong way! ..hawk!

CHEERING

Chest, knees, hawk. That's hilarious.

TINA: Hiya, Chesney! Hiya!

Oh, shit! I can't get my fucking photo!

How crazy is that? Brilliant.

# You are the one and only! OTHERS JOIN IN

That is hilarious.

# Nobody I'd rather be

# You are the only one and only

Chesney!

# You can't take that away from me

Chesney, smile!

CHEERING

'THE ONE AND ONLY' PLAYS

# I am the one and only! #

Better life as a rat,

than to live with rat's face all your life. I'm there, man.

Chesney! I wet myself when I saw you.

Bye. I actually wet myself.

I actually pissed myself when I saw him.

Some of the housemates are in the living room.

The paparazzi have been waiting to snap celebrities for six hours

and 12 minutes.

Mutya!

You're gonna give everyone a headache. Come over and talk to me.

Can you hit her? Who? Hit who?

You're very violent. You like a bit of violence towards women.

Only when it's other women doing violence towards them.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Am I giving you a headache? A little bit.

OK.

Vernon!

Vernon! She says I'm giving her a headache. I agree.

You're giving me one. You're giving everyone a headache.

I am Jeffrey Franklin Roosevelt Bodain!

But I'm from Compton. Is the Comptons posh?

No, that's the Hamptons. Oh.

Compton is the ghetto, OK?

Don't get it twisted.

Did you hear that, Big Brother?

She just asked me was Compton posh.

Somebody beat her.

Going back to the whole domestic violence... Yeah, the whole

twisted, like, women beating. Violence against women again.

Nice. Very nice. You'll do your daughters proud.

What? Are you talking about me?

Yeah. What did you say?

Oh no, you're not Coolio, are you? Who are you?

What did you say about my...? I said

you're doing your daughters proud... About what?

..going on about hitting women.

Are you going on about that?

Are you trying to start some shit here?

No, I'm trying to get you to shut up.

I will not shut up. OK. The revolution will not be televised.

You're the most irritating person I've ever met.

That's OK. Yeah, yeah, it's good. That's fine.

Good. Good.

Great.

Good.

Wonderful.

Terrific.

Stupendous.

I don't give a fuck.

If you didn't give... Why are you trying so hard, then?

Trying so hard to do what? To irritate everyone.

I'm not irritating anyone except you.

You're the only person who's spoken about it.

Nah. I think there's quite a few people.

You can wank off, too.

OK.

I am Jeffrey Franklin Roosevelt Bodain.

I mean, Coolio. I know. What?

Oh. I mean, can we quickly talk about Coolio? Go for it.

When he was with Lucy and he was going all the time, "Good,

"wonderful, terrible, stupendous, good."

I mean, if that had been me, I'd have just screamed in his face.

You probably would have been forcibly removed.

I mean, I would have gone nuts. I'm half French. I'm quite fiery.

And I'm calm, calm, calm, bang! Yeah.

I mean I'd be a great housemate. You would.

You are the best housemate we never had.

Do you know what I love about this, as well?

May we just take a moment to speak of Michelle Heaton

of Liberty X fame?

Oh, she's lovely. I love her.

She has been such a big fan of Big Brother, as well,

the entire run, and she's always been brilliant.

But I love the fact she clearly got Compton

and the Hamptons completely mixed up.

And actually asking the question, "Is the Comptons posh?"

It's like, "No, darling, you've got the wrong end of the stick."

Not for today, Michelle Heaton of Liberty X Fame.

So we've got a lot more from the Celebrity Big Brother 6 coming up

for you straight after this break.

Welcome back to Big Brother: Best Shows Ever.

If you are just joining us, we are showing you and reliving

Celebrity Big Brother 6, and we rejoin the action on day six.

Ice skating duo Tommy and La Toya are in the bedroom.

Goodnight, La Toya. I guess you'll see you...

Did someone call me? Try and do some...

Are you going to try and do some exercises before you go to sleep?

No. Just keep your strength up?

No, no, no. I never exercise, anyway.

You don't need to exercise! I never exercise, but...

You watch what you eat, and everything. You've got no problems.

No, I don't like I've been eating.

I've been eating a lot of things

I shouldn't be eating since I've been here. Good luck tomorrow.

Thank you. Same to you. We'll do it. Goodnight. We'll do it.

Some of the housemates are at the sofas.

I just don't think he's even part of the competition! Who? Terry.

Why?

I just think he's been put in here, and he's going, "Right, fucking -

"you go and be king, you take the piss out of this, blah, blah, blah."

Yeah. So, you know, I think he's probably exempt from all...

He's the puppet master. Yeah, but how do you know

I've not gone in there and they've given me something to do?

You don't know, do you? No, I don't know, I'm just...

To try and make everyone fail their tasks by... Yeah.

You just don't know.

Big Brother has called Mutya and carried to the Diary Room.

BIG BROTHER: In a moment, you will take part

in a What Would Chesney Do? quiz.

Mm-hm. OK.

You will be asked 50 questions. Yeah. Wow.

Some of the questions will be about

the life and times of Chesney Hawkes. Yeah. Mm-hm.

Other questions will require you to ask yourself, what would Chesney do?

Mm. OK.

If your answer is correct, you will hear this sound...

SQUAWK!

Is that a hawk?

If your answer is incorrect, you will hear this sound...

PIGEON COOS

Is that a pigeon? It sounds like it!

Question one. OK.

Which 1960s band was Chesney's dad in?

The Tremoloes.

SQUAWK

Question two.

Which football team does Chesney support?

West Ham.

The Hammers.

SQUAWK

Question three.

Which housemate has Chesney written tracks for?

A1. Ben. Ben Adams, yet.

SQUAWK

BEN: Cos he has been head of house for quite a while.

Cos we're here to do a good job. VERNE: You know what? We could...

No, I don't think head of house will ever change. Really? You know what?

Yeah, because why would they change our beds?

I don't want to sleep in someone else's sheets. You know what?

I don't think... Um... Unless it's Saturday.

We won't find out until... Never mind, I'm not going to say shit.

Try one more time. No, Verne, I wanna hear.

Sorry, it was... No, I'm done!

No, please tell me, because I carried on talking.

No, every time that I tried to say something everybody's like,

"Blah, blah, blah." I have to say... It's not just you...

It does, it happens to everyone.

But go ahead. Go ahead. You're absolutely right.

I'm just thinking that, you know, if some of us want to,

we could kind of, like, change the table on him a little bit.

How? Well, just... do things behind his back.

If Chesney had to go to prison,

would he rather be the one and only in solitary confinement,

or share a cramped cell with ten other inmates?

BOTH: The one and only.

SQUAWK

Question 50.

Would Chesney rather jump everywhere like a kangaroo

or walk sideways everywhere like a crab?

Jump like a kangaroo.

SQUAWK

Congratulations, housemates.

You scored a perfect total of 50 out of 50... That's devotion.

..and have therefore passed the section of your challenge. Great.

La Toya and Verne are asleep.

Some of the housemates are in the living room.

The paps have been staking out the garden

for the past eight hours and 42 minutes.

It was... Oh, fuck me! Fuck me!

No, wait, wait!

No, wait.

No, no, let go! In case it's not!

We, no, no. Cos... Yeah! It fucking is!

Who...? Who is it?

The next celebrities to appear over the garden wall

are Tina's co-stars from Shameless.

Debbie!

Hiya!

Hiya, baby!

Hello, everybody! Oh, my God!

Oh, it's Alice!

Oh, my God, it's Alice and Becky!

De... I mean Becky! Hello, Alice!

Oh, give my Danielle a big love for me!

Ulrika is in the Diary Room.

How have you found your part in the task so far?

Well, it was difficult.

I have to say, I'm not the best singer in the world,

but bless him, Verne...

..can't hold a tune for toffee,

and I think he wasn't as familiar with the song as I was,

and...and I think he felt very anxious.

Were your fellow housemates supportive?

No. Coolio is... Oh, man.

Coolio is singularly worse than any of my four children.

He's noisier, he needs more attention.

I mean, he's a grown man, he can't stop himself.

It's like some form of attention Tourette's.

I really felt for Verne,

because Verne, on a couple of occasions, just...

You know, he wanted to concentrate,

and Coolio was not giving him the space

to just get his mind together,

just seconds before the song, and that's just...

Actually, that's just bad manners.

How do you think his fellow paparazzi are dealing with Coolio?

Lucy is great. She's just being very straight with him.

"Please, get out of my face, get out of my face,"

you know, she's being very direct.

Tina, I think, she might not say anything for a long time,

but if she pushes the wrong button, she may, um...

..erupt.

Davina, what was it like, flip-flopping, for you,

between civilian Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother?

Did it feel different for you?

It did, it felt completely different.

I think because there was a certain pizzazz

that came with the celebrity one, you know? Oh, definitely.

When they walked in and you'd see these people so glamorous

and so fabulous, and you'd think, "God!"

And I'm trying to be very cool, you know? Interviewing people.

You're just dying inside, like the rest of us.

I'm dying, and dying. That's why I love it!

Don't go anywhere,

because we've got even more Big Brother coming up after this.

Welcome back to Big Brother: Best Shows Ever.

We are throwing it back to 2009.

Oh, my God! Davina, you've got your pussy out!

Sorry, I can't help it.

She's so beautiful.

Oh, I'll put her away.

Darling, that is a beautiful, beautiful pussy.

Thanks.

2:46 am.

Some of the housemates are asleep in the luxury bedroom.

The press pack have been on the lookout for celebrities

for 11 hours 45 minutes.

They're playing games.

But, Lucy... Hm.

..they don't know who they fucking with, man.

They fucking with a non-bender.

I don't bend, I don't break.

I can't be broken, it's impossible.

You've got to do some fucking Chinese water torture on me.

Some old extreme shit but fucking keeping me awake, that's nothing.

Keeping me awake, man, and fucking turning the music on. That's not going to do it.

It's not just you they're keeping awake.

They're keeping everyone awake.

That's not what I'm saying though. That shit don't break me.

OK, good. That type of shit does nothing.

I'm going to get delirious though and I'm going to start fucking being hilarious in here in a minute.

Oh, God, don't!

Mutya, Tina and Terry are at the ashtray,

discussing this week's shopping task.

I mean, the mad thing is, you thought the one that we'd fail on

would be the scroll thing, not the worshipping at the shrine.

Because the thing is, when we came out here,

they weren't playing the music out here, was they?

I really can't cope.

Just go to bed, just call it a day. No.

And they know I won't. And they know I won't.

We'll get a budget to get the necessities. No.

We'll get enough.

No, not in a million.

Not in a million.

And they know I won't, you see. I won't give in. I won't cave.

Hm. You'll have to wait. I'll be like that.

But you've not missed anyone so far, you know what I mean? So...

We fucking hope.

3:58 am.

Most of the housemates are asleep.

The paps have been staking out the garden for 12 hours 57 minutes.

I can't stay awake feeling ill.

And sleep deprived.

If I fall asleep now...

And all the conversation is like guns and violence it's just like...

I'm going to have really disturbing dreams!

Oh, Jesus.

Do you know what I mean? Hm.

I could have stayed up a bit and played I spy but...

LUCY LAUGHS

IMITATES COOLIO: Yo, what I did to your brother, what I went through,

what this rapper went through... TINA YAWNS

But do you know what... I mean, that's the thing.

I know it's just conversation, isn't it? But it's just like one I would never put myselfin.

Coolio has come to the Diary Room.

HE CHUCKLES

My name is Geoffrey Franklin Roosevelt Boydai.

And I from Compton.

You feel me?

It's just a character though, something I'm working on.

I just got bored, you know? I got bored.

And I started winding people up on purpose because I got bored.

I decided to give them something to bitch and moan and groan about

other than the task.

Me and Lucy ain't getting along too well right now.

I'm really getting on her fucking last nerves.

And she's kind of getting on mine too because she's a little bit,

I'm starting to see that she's a little bit of a prude.

She's ready to do almost anything to get away from me right now.

She's so happy that I'm in here talking to you, so she can get a break.

But they can... When I get on their nerves,

then they sit down and talk to each other to try to get away from me.

HE CHUCKLES

You know, I'm not going to say I'm harmless or anything like that

because that's not true.

But in this particular situation, I am harmless.

I'm not going to hurt anybody and, you know, I'm not going...

I'm not going to...

..let anybody take me...

You know, I am Coolio, like I said.

I'm one of the coolest people you ever going to meet walking the planet.

I'm a winner, man, you know...

I refuse to be a loser.

I actually expect to win this whole thing.

I actually expect to be the last person left standing.

Everything I'm...

You know, I do have somewhat of a strategy.

I'm kind of setting up a few things.

I'm testing people right now. I'm seeing what their limits are.

Because I have none. HE CHUCKLES

But it's fine, it's OK.

Everybody can't be the same.

Everybody can't be Coolio, you know.

He was so good at being a housemate.

It was quite frightening. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Regardless of whether you like someone for what they're doing

or maybe dislike what someone is doing, he was so good at...

I'm not saying he was playing a role but becoming that role of

a classic housemate.

But do you think he was playing a role? I don't.

No, that's... I think he was just really annoying.

That's what I'm saying. I think he slotted into that box... Yeah.

..that, in a weird way, a house can't always be harmonious.

He really ticked that box for a great housemate

for someone like him. And he was an irritant.

Sometimes I felt like he was kind of tapping someone on the forehead

like until someone went, "Waahhh!" Yeah.

"What? Just stop!"

It felt very toddler.

It was ultra child.

It was like he was the naughty kid of the house

but a fully-grown man doing it. You're right.

Well, there you go.

That was our trip back to 2009 and Celebrity Big Brother 6.

Thank you so much for watching along with us tonight.

We hope you enjoyed it just as much as we did.

Davina, did you love it?

I loved it.

Shall we, Rylan?

No, we can't.

We can.

# Two hearts

BOTH: # Two hearts that beat as one

# Our lives have just begun

# Forever Forever

# Forever I'll hold you close in my arms

# In my arms

# I can't resist your charm Resist your charm

THEY VOCALISE TUNELESSLY

DAVINA CONTINUES TUNELESSLY

# You will always be... #

Let's just go.

Rylan?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media