Original subtitles

Come out

Hands on the wall

Let's go

Set it off

- Fan-fucking-tastic chess - Leave it

- Miss Mariola - Yes, doctor

- Get me today's paper - Right away, sir

Sit down

It's obvious that you've been ailing

Any further incarceration is dangerous to your health

What's the trouble, doc?

It's written out here Follow the directions closely

You'll stand trial and will be released

Yeah?

The digs? Everything super-duper?

Acceptable

When can you start?

- Right away - You've looked in the fridge?

- Pull over I really gotta go - We'll hide the loot first

- I must or I'll bust - A shitsky, aren't you?

Pull up here

- Howdy, Tsuma Surprise - Hello, officer

- Filling 'er up with gas? - It's a diesel

What a coincidence

They've just radioed us about a burglary at one Lehmann's

I thought Tsuma would know

Lehmann? The coin collector?

Uh huh

- Let me pay first - Open the trunk

- The wrong time? - To get the shits? Yes

Come on in

Tunga Hi, doggie Don't you know me?

- Want him back? - Why? He's yours now

I knew you'd call Come

- How's mama? - Got married

- The third time? - Yeah She's gone to Canada

- When did you walk? - I didn't

I still got one year On a sick leave now

You ill? With what?

No one's healthy Just not diagnosed yet

That's right What will you have then?

- You got tomato juice? - Yes

I forgot about your picture postcard view

Yeah

- Want to know why I've come? - No

Good So I'll tell you:

- Someone wants to buy a picture from me - Sell it then

Well, the picture's on somebody else's wall

What's the need? So little time in jail left

They'll collar you With your record it's three times as much

They won't I won't do time anyway

I'll go abroad and start over You'll help me

After three years, you come over with an offer

as if nothing changed

- What changed? - No idea how folks change?

Rather than ask you how much folks change, here's a question:

- Will you help me the last time? - No, old man, I can't

Not gratis You'll earn some to start over

- I have already - So you'll understand me

Here you are

I'm a security guard now

Where's the other one?

- What other one? - When will you wise up?

- Take this - Not sold yet?

They're yours worth twice as much now

- And your cut? - You behaved perfectly then They're yours

- A debt of gratitude? - No, no Yes, that is

- But I won't help you - All right

Let's not spoil the meeting after all those years

But you won't refuse a lunch, huh?

- Sure That's a fine spot - No My place tomorrow 3p m

6 Smocza St Apt 65 Think it over

Bye, Tunga That's a good dog

- Hello, Mrs Nowak - Hello

- How's Mother? - She's in Toronto

The most famous in Polish collections: Lady with Ermine,

a k a Lady with Weasel, painted by Leonardo in 1490,

brought to Poland in 1800 by Count Adam J Czartoryski

Gorge your eyes on it, as it's off to Japan tomorrow

The lady's real name was Cecilia Gallerani

Her picture was commissioned by the Count of Milan

Lodovico Sforza a k a Il Moro

Holy shit Fatso

You aren't happy to see me, eh?

- I am - Look at the shape you're in

Jail serves you well

- Piss off - Oh, naughty you

- Did you like Dr Wiaderny? - Very much

Reliable, he Deeply in debt to me Gambling losses at the track

When's the other installment?

When it's all over

- One million Euro - 915, 000

Sixty in the fridge and twenty-five for the car

- I wanted a red one - There was no other

And the passport?

Stefan Padlo? What kind of name is this?

There was no other Gimme

You think I'll bolt?

But why now? You'll get it later

I keep my word, no? Gimme

- And we'll be squared - Sure thing

- And you won't look for me? - What for? Gimme

Your key to this digs

You're talking the heist while Vinci is off to Japan?

For two months It'll take time, so you can get ready

Get the day and the hour the Vinci's back here

No way It's a secret

And your plants in the museum and at the airport?

Why these questions? Our deal is about a delivery, Tsuma

I'm interested in the delivery You learn the date

Why Vinci? Not enough dough, Fatso?

Only dough on your mind I like what I do

Mr Greg, GPS, please

- Got your passport? - Of course

- I wonder if it matters, Luke - Yes?

- I must've seen Tsuma - You must have?

In front of the museum yesterday

No, he's holed up in Huta

That's why 'I must have '

Good bye

Have a nice trip

Renault Traffic

POLICE STATION

- Is this your address? - Yes

- You're living there? - For the time being

- And you're ill? - It's all written out there

Will you need me any more?

Sit down

Four on one?

- What're you up to? - Pardon?

Why not in jail?

I'm serving time but I have a break now and promptly report when asked

- Up to something? I'm ill - Ill?

That's what the doc said

Wiaderny? He's been fired

Yeah? I still have his prescriptions

I want you to know that I know you're up to something

But I'm not up to anything Jail's taught me crime doesn't pay

- If you're nabbed now you'll walk in 2011

Like I say it's no bargain

See you in two days

Why? I was to report once a month

Every second day

My pleasure, Commissioner

Don't you even think of the da Vinci

- I don't get it - Oh, really?

Good bye

- Wow Spaghetti - You call it pasta

That's for wops; for us, spaghetti

- Parmesan? - Sure

- Remember the booze in Murzasichle? - Why, it was Jasmine vodka

Thanks

Wine, cheese? Here you are

Down the hatch

Dig in

The painting's in the Czartoryskis Museum

The sauce too hot?

- Da Vinci? - How did you guess?

There's only one like that here

- To Vinci - I'm not drinking to that

Why? For one million Euro? You can

Doesn't it bother you it's the most precious in Poland?

Cut that patriotic shit, will you? Positive thinking, please

It's no use to you You won't sell it

What asshole's idea is that?

It may land with a coke planter in Bolivia who can't launder his dough

So he buys what he can

What's lifted from European Museums shows up in La Paz

You won't break in this one

They have cutting edge security, blockades, cameras

Relax

Why relax? The one who got you then is in the Painting Squad

They've been trained in the States A lot has changed now

- Yeah That's what you said - But I didn't tell you all

- Be my guest, Hornet, shoot - I go to law night school

Bravo So you're free in the daytime

- No, I'm busy too - Yeah What do you do?

You're a pig now?

Fuck it

You gave me a chance then, and I put it to good use

You a pig? What came over you? An identity crisis or what?

It's the same adrenaline rush, but I won't land in jail

Then you must either collar me or do the heist with me

- Fuhgeddaboudit - This from a cop or an old pal?

An old pal cop

Your new pals know you've been a thief?

You won't do it to me

The Vinci is back in May So you think it over till tomorrow

Nothing to think over

Without you, then

Did you have to become a pig?

No

Tunga, you'll have to stay with me Come

- I lost Here - Thank you

Congratulations

May I try?

Remember me?

No 100 ZI a game

I used to be a junior champion

Here's a rook for your head start

Congratulations

Ever lost a game?

Once in '68 and once in tennis

Mr Tadeusz Hagen, right? /The notorious one

Notorious for what?

For forging paintings

- You owe me a century - Yes, indeed

You did something for me four years ago Remember?

I commissioned Wyspianski You offered your services

if something serious would turn up I knew you right away

- A never-ending Xmas? - What? Aha

Come Easter I'll hang up Easter eggs on it

I'm listening intently

A man wants to steal a very famous picture

How famous? The Battle of Grunwald?

Smaller a bit

Lady with Ermine

Would you have it land with an arms merchant in Monaco?

- Is there a contract? - Yes I know who'll do it

This picture can't be stolen Who?

One I know like my own brother If he sets to, the Lady is gone

I don't get it, but congratulations Why me?

In '62 you made a copy of it for the Czartoryskis Museum

If I had it, I'd louse up the heist

The copy is in the museum, as hard to get as the original

Could you make one again?

There was a similar story in Wilno before the war

You're into wines too

- Pardon? - This is about wine

Dammit I was sure it was about Wilno

You were asking

Could you make such a copy once again?

These are not the same hands; and eyes either

But I know someone who could

Wine not Wilno I forgot to give you tea

- First, we don't enter the museum - We don't?

They'll take it off the wall and bring it out

- Then we'll take it away - In Japan?

It'll take 15 min On its way back

Yeah You know what the red alert is?

The whole downtown comes to a standstill for 3 min

You may even have the picture in your hands, but nothing doing

Three-min Is short I need at least half an hour to get out

Or like we did in Krynica

- What? - Take the original and leave the copy

- Must be very good to fool them - You know some magicians best

- So what? - You know them; you get a copy

- Why me? - I'm under surveillance

I'll shell out 20 25 grand at the most

Here's my plan

You know why Nelson's sailors were unbeatable?

They were paid for victory

So rather than think of death, they planned on buying something

- What? - A million Euro

Good Excellent One day you'll become a conservator, Miss Magda

- Oh, Jesus - What's wrong?

- Where's the ranger? - The who?

- The forest ranger - Oh, the hunter?

Truth be told, ma'am, the artist botched the hunter ranger

Just look Without the ranger the landscape looks fuller

It's no longer a cheap Bavarian Landschaft

Cheap? It was an 18th cen Picture from the National Museum

If you're so attached to the hunter, I can paint him for you

Do you realize what you are saying?

I know I've overplayed my hand Sorry

What? Who? Let him wait

Sorry I can't talk now I have an important meeting Bye

You are suspended from now on

The next senate meeting will formally expel you

Nothing can be done about it?

FINE ARTS ACADEMY

What's it going to be?

- Hi, I'm Julian - I know What's the deal?

Hagen didn't tell you? Be seated

What's that for?

Leonardo on the wall? It's cool

Why don't you hang up di Caprio?

You can make a pile, Kloss

A big bundle

How much time do you need?

- How much time do I have? - Two months

- Deal - Deal Good

Wait a minute And the price?

- Shoot then - A million plus expenses

What?

- In old zlotys, yes? - That's what you'll pay for my coffee

One million new Polish zlotys

We're talking 200,000 Euro for one picture?

Labor-intensive like crazy More difficult than the original

- More difficult? How come? - Shcome

Leonardo painted what he wanted or what they paid him for

And I'm to repeat the job 500 years later

on the same board with the same paints to forge repairs, putties with white lead,

crackling, retouching on the varnish, eight undercoats That's what it worth, pal

Well, I don't know now I gotta talk to the client

I don't know I'll call you tomorrow

Talk to them or it's two million more tomorrow

Magda, wait Your coffee All right A deal

I just wanted to the toilet

Nice that you agree

How much for two copies?

Clock now

Not this way

It's here

Five minutes Too long

- So what? - Shmot

Let's look for a closer exit

- TNT then? - A problem, this I can't

- So we need a miner - The risk grows

Not necessarily

All right

Let's try this way

- Two minutes - That's it, Hornet

- Call me by my name - Julian?

I could but it sounds queer, no?

- Where's this from? - Mom sent me from Canada

Mom

- Look - Uh-huh

It'll do

The most difficult is the board on which to paint

The picture's at least 515 years old Where do we get it?

- From some ancient oak? - Da Vinci's walnut luckily

Fifty years after a walnut is cut down, you can't tell its age

Maybe 51 as well as 600 years old

- How do you know? - Dendrochronology

The snag is such large trunks can't be found here

Fascinating Would you like some ice cream?

Concentrate I'll need 50,000 ZI for the preliminary expenses

Come

Where is he? Why in such a Nowheresville?

He wouldn't find us any place else He's a bit odd

What d'you mean?

Once, methane exploded in his mine, which left him with a trauma

Jesus

- But he's normal? - Yeah

But suffers from prosopagnosis

What's that? Contagious?

No He fails to remember faces

- Proso what? You kidding? - No such disease

But there is Doesn't remember his wife's face

Impossible? How does he handle that?

She wears a special ribbon or something

Those are their private things

- Pulling my leg, eh? - God Such things happen

- Will he deliver the goods? - And will help us too

Most important: He won't tell us by our photo if they show him

Not even with a lie detector That's best about him

- Where did you find him? - A pal in jail did

Hi, Verbus

What happened on June 18, 1972?

I was born then

You were I expected another answer

There was a TV in the ward

What was showing during the hour I was born?

I know if it was at 4 p M: European Soccer Championship

- Remember the players? - Germans and Russkies

West Germany and the USSR The names of players?

Meier, Hottges, Breitner, Schwartzenbeck, Beckenbauer,

Wimmer, Honckess, Honess, Muller, Netzer, Kremers

Okay You're Tsuma all right

Nobody believes I recall everything from the maternity ward

Any fool remembers the Germans And the Russkies?

Rudakov, Baydachniy, Onishchenko, Kaplichniy, Khurchilava, Konkov,

Istomin, Banishevskiy, Kolotov, Djugashvilli

Khurchilava A hell of a name It's gonna be our password

- Okay The response? - Beckenbauer

The reserve players?

Dolmatov for Khurchilava

and Kozhukevich for Kolotov in the second half

- Okay, Verbus meet Hornet - Julian

Julian or Hornet? I get confused

- Hornet - Julian

- Julian You got it? - Santex?

No Santex Plain dynamite

- How much? - Much

Follow us

34 35 36, dammit

- Something wrong - Helluva lot of work

Lotsa drilling Luckily, they have power I can plug in

- How long will it take? - Gotta think about it

look around and count - Count then

Give me an hour

You may go

But wear those hardhats, so I can recognize you

I get it

That's what you wanted Highway robbery I'll deduct from your last payment

We'll do it differently

Lehmann's treasure? I didn't know it was you

Why so scared?

Plus a passport and it's yours

- For one coin? - Worth a fine sled

- Don't you want to bolt? - Without the money?

Why a passport? You deliver; you get it

Now It may be too hot later

- I'll buy your ticket - I'll do it

- You don't trust me - It's you who doesn't

Write: I received my passport Today's date and sign it

- You flipped out? - Better save than sorry

You can't forget your job in the Security Ministry?

In a foreign trade enterprise

The passport

A microphotograph of the picture: The client's demand

What microphotograph?

Now you tell me?

It's harder to get than the picture

You'll do it One last effort and you're home free

I guarantee the Vinci The photo is dicey

The dough will be dicey too

Don't you even try that with me, Fatso

See how scared I am?

You

Indian giver

- Andrew Marvell Ring any bells? - That president?

All right

We need a microphotograph of the picture

Meaning?

They take a microphotograph of a fragment of the picture

When it's back, they check if they tally

Where do I get it now?

The photo's on the safe in the museum, harder to steal than the Vinci

I know a guy worked there

- His name? - Hagen

- That old forger? - Second to none

If he refuses, that'll spell betrayal

Let him alone

Too late He's making the copy

- What did you tell him? - That it's for sale

- He bought it? - He did I need dough

Fifty thousand for starters

- That's what you promised him? - No, one hundred

I'll give you thirty

- Who are those kids? - What's it to you?

Hey Khurchilava We're here

Beckenbauer I knew you right off

How long and how much?

Thirty-six holes, 4-5 hours each That's 180 man-hours

Eight hours a day makes 20 days

Minus the weekends, It's a whole month 500 ZI an hour

- How much? - 92,760

- Will 100 do? - Sure

Those your kids over there?

Playing by the car? Mine

Is today Thursday?

Off to the orthodontist Bye

- Where's Mom? - At the hairstylist

- Hello - Hello May I help you?

Microphotographs?

Yeah

Hey

Sorry

- This is my workbench - I know Sorry

They're in the safe Only the director knows which fragment

- You know him? - Helen Antonczyk?

I don't, but Hagen does

Hagen

Wait a minute

- We deliver the copy, yes? - Yeah

Why a microphotograph of the original? We'll give one of the copy and they'll tally

That's right

Don't your brains ever tire you?

You're late

Really? I thought I'd been waiting for half an hour

- You're late with Leonardo - I don't get it

It's traveling in Japan

You doubt the resocialization potential of the jail you put me in?

- I'm a different man - You're a sucker

Had you told us where the coins were and who helped you,

you'd've served 2 years less

Nobody regrets it more than I that I don't know that

Why don't you tell me now?

Logic, please, Commissioner

Had I told then, I'd've served 2 years shorter, but I didn't know

If I now told where it is, it'd mean I served 2 years unnecessarily

and lied to you then

See you Friday

- Would he be taking chances? - Depends on his cut Where's my coffee?

- Maybe he's telling the truth - Tsuma? The truth?

- How long have you been here? - Half a year after the academy

The one-hundred and ten year-old Juliusz Slowacki Theater,

with all its glorious past behind it, has just been sold

Before, the CEO of the buyer promised to keep the building in character

But it's going to be a megastore

I hate to admit it to having had a change of plans

We can ill afford to keep an unprofitable theater

What this city needs is something like London's Harrods

Noblesse, as you've heard, not always oblige

Olaf Eysmont TV 6 Krakow

Hi The paints have just been delivered

I could start now, but I have no board

You do

You're a genius And it's cheap

I've spent all my savings

This had better pay off

Here I am

Is that you, Helmut?

Who else? How much do you need?

About 20 kg

Santex? Who's hired you? Al Qaeda?

No, plain dynamite Here

Stop this nonsense and put it in the bag

Come out now

Uncle will give you a ride in an excavator

No kidding? You've got the dough?

Full fifty or do I count it?

Thirty-three is all I have

You flipped out? In installments?

You'll get all but after

What can you do, Julian, at all?

I play chess a little

study law evenings, write poems

Evening poems, well? Toot your horn

Had we but world enough, and time,

This coyness, lady, were no crime

- We would sit down, and think which way - To walk, and pass our long love's day

You know it?

I wanted it to sound romantic

Why romantic?

Someone may be watching Let's make believe it's a date

I have a very serious thing to do, so no loving or dating

- Can't I flirt a bit? - Focus on the task

The only thing I like about you is your car

- Rented, regrettably - Don't let me down

If it's going to be romantic, say it with flowers

Come, Tunga We've been given a rebuff

- A policeman, I have to ask - You know it well

- A tiny investigation - Come on, Andy, talk

- Which one was the cutest? - The third one

The third See how fast he answered? Thatta boy

Charwomen

Sometimes the commissioner stays up till 1 a m

And sometimes there's nobody there at 3:30 p m

I have another wooer, lady

What if he doesn't hear the news in the office

- Or if he keeps mum? - There's always risk

- In this way? - How then?

In a frame Leonardo primed it along with the frame

With the frame? Thanks Where do I get one?

Here's a 15th cen Oak frame

And finally we'll make one of the two of these

Excuse me

Your fianc You should've answered it

No, no just a bore I don't have a fianc�e

This comes as no surprise

You have a fianc�?

No, I don't

You don't? What do you do in your time off?

I have a boyfriend

Good I got to be going

When I'll have to paint a black background

- plus those stupid corals, I just - No other way

Whose mistress was she?

Of one Lodovico Sforza II Moro

He did it with his left hand

- Sforza? What a pig - Da Vinci The whisker

Of course Thanks for reminding me

What slobs See? Papers all around

As if there were no basket

When I was in the mountains in September, no trash whatsoever

- To pass the ball to Maciek Zurawski - Ucze in the penalty area

Ucze Frankowski, Szamotulski No goal

- So you jumped there a little - I did and sang such paskustva

One to one at the 88th minute

Tunga

- Hornet? - What?

We have a problem

Aha I'll try

All right

- Now wax it and finito - The imprint of the boot

I know In '39 while the Krauts were plundering the museum,

someone tramped on it and the board broke

I have a Wehrmacht boot

You crazy? What if it breaks differently?

I'll do it with my hand

I've fooled you

Tsuma

- Tsuma - You checked it out?

- I couldn't - How come?

- You couldn't? - They're sitting there all the time

- You'll go there in two days and check - Maybe too late in two days

What?

Won't you tell me?

Tell you what?

- Say you aren't shitting me - Shitting you?

That you're on my side

I am Always been

Thanks, Hornet You've reassured me

Be seated, Tsuma

Why so impatient?

I want out for a few days Mom has her name day

So I thought I'd report today and you'd let me go

- Name day? Aren't you ill? - I won't drink

- Where to? - Near here Kalwaria Zebrzydowska

You may go

- You've checked his mom's name? - Sophia It tallies

She lives there Her name day May 15

Take Szymanski and check out the situation

Why did you let him go?

Our Japanese lands in the morn Better when Tsuma's out of town

- You should've put him away - Don't you talk too much?

- Khurchilava - Beckenbauer

The game's tomorrow

Oh, dammit

It can't reach farther

- What do we do? - I'm going

Wait You're ill Chief

Good Call it a day

- Why don't you answer? - I can't I'm in meeting

The game's tomorrow

Excuse me Excuse me

Stop It's gone

You sure that's enough?

Remains to be seen Next

There's always risk you know

Next

It even smells old

Florence, 1490

He painted it in Milan

He was 38 then So I'm better

Yeah

Wait Jesus, you're so like her

- Really? - Yes

- And who are you Julian? - What?

Lone Ranger? Dirty Harry?

All right and that's that

That's what I meant

Oh thanks

A work of genius

Turn it round

Two meters forward

Halt

Hornet, why that way?

Well, it was closer

They should buy it

The photo is in the package

Where did you get it?

I have my connections, no?

You don't tell me everything either

Is that the Mona Lisa?

Yeah in a sense Her sister

I wonder what folks see in her

You don't have to understand everything

I have an exam tomorrow at 10, remember?

It'll all have been over by 10

SEWER EMERGENC Y SERVICE

- Attention - All right

- What's the matter? - A bus

Now

- Fuck it Ever seen this? - Yes, in a movie

- We won't squeeze thru here - Block the sewers

Red alert

Shit has happened Come on

- It won't pass - Take it out of the bag

- Dammit - We forgot about the frame

You measured without the frame? On purpose, you prick?

I told you the size: 37 x 49 cm You said OK You should've thought

- Let's take it out of the frame - No, you'll damage it

You always get me in deep shit

Just like then, f'n poor man's Kasparov

I can't just stand here There'll be pigs all over

- How did you enter? - The 2nd manhole by Jan St

Verbus, to the parking lot We run to that manhole

- We won't make it - You love risk, no?

That does it A car parked overhead

Fuck it

Good Thanks

- They escaped here - Measure it just in case

- Where are you? - 300 m away from you

I have a signal as if it still were here

Let's hope Keep me informed

Remind me the size

- Of the picture - Sure Not of yours

- 37 x 49 cm - With the frame?

The frame is 62 x 73

So it won't pass thru, 3 cm shy

- It had a hidden GPS - I know

Jesus What shame on Poland

The Inquiry Squad has found this in the ambulance

The Japanese's camera It kept on shooting

- Can you come here? - Right away Don't lose it

- They left at this spot - Please let me

Careful

The other side

It's still here We got it

It stuck, so they hid it to pick it up later

Looks like it Measure the manhole

- Well? - 80 cm It would've passed thru easily

Why didn't they take it?

An asshole has parked over the manhole

Must be one of ours

- End of alert then? - We foiled them

- If the expert confirms it, right? - Of course

In the morning hours, something odd happened

in the center of the Old Town

An ambulance on its way literally sank underground

A tunnel is said to have been discovered,

thru which criminals tried to get into the Czartoryskis Museum

Luckily, the tunnel caved in, which foiled the thieves' plans

Dorota Berny TVN

- What's happening? - All under control

- But TV says everything's fine - TV lies

- When do we meet? - Soon

- Oh, shit - What?

He had to take ill Drop me here

You crazy? In the midst of action? And your leave?

I must fill in for Chief Drop me here Come on

Not bad

Is this Commissioner Pociecha?

He's ill I fill in for him Officer Paulewicz

Take a look, Officer

- A camera? - Japanese

- Check on Tsuma - Good

Mace, fuses, and detonator

you can get from the Russkies at the market

The dynamite must've been stolen from a mine

So both the sources are hard to ascertain

Why not something new, like Santex?

Must've wanted to be in control Santex is unpredictable

Such a blast must've been difficult

Judging by the precision, yes

- But how difficult, very, super? - Very difficult

- Would you pull it off? - Me? No, rather not

So they're pros never to be tracked down

Why? I know four guys who could do it

Yeah? You'll give me their names How about Tsuma?

He said he'd go to Mom He's in Kalwaria at the party

Yes?

Drive to Kalwaria They're coming for you

Hello Hornet Hello

Get out, Verbus I have business to do

When are you back?

By nightfall If not, do it yourself

All right

Sorry, Sir I was on duty in town

Thank you

Looks all right to me

Let's see if it compares with the CD

My God This is a copy

A work of genius

Red alert again So what? Do it

I have to report this theft Let the Board know

Could you wait for a couple of hours?

- But only for a few - Yes

- They were playing for time - And they succeeded Where's his camera?

- Hello Mrs Sophia Tsuminska? - No

Yes?

Hello, Mrs Sophia Thank you

All the best

Is Robert home?

He came to my party He never forgets

When did he come? A while ago?

Last night Must be sleeping now

Mommy, come to us What's the matter?

Oh, speak of the devil and he's sent you, right?

Come on in Feel like one of the family

Let's raise a glass, gentlemen? Won't you drink Mommy's health?

- Thanks, Mommy - Thanks to Mommy

Thank you very much Good bye

- Khurchilava - Beckenbauer

- Everything's fine? - Yeah

- What took you so long? - My Cadillac broke

- Thanks for the call - You're welcome

- At least two of them - You don't say

So what?

We haven't learned much

Thanks

Look

Show it again Wait, wait, wait

Here they turned back

- And returned - But why?

To take that

- Where's the bag? - That's how they did it Come

- What? What is this? - Nix Raise this

Where is he?

I can't pretend that nothing happened any longer

The phone rings off the hook, and I've run out of lies

One day more, please

Tomorrow Mrs Barbara Sykalska is here A big patron of arts, she

- She's refurbished our roof recently - Who?

That billionaire

So we must cancel the meeting and report the theft to the media

Hang up the copy

She's especially flied in from the US Pardon?

What should I hang up?

The copy Didn't you say, "A work of genius"

We'll plant a virus to trap the thieves

The copy? She's an expert on Leonardo She may notice

It may never occur to her that it's a copy

Please do it to help our investigation

Mr Tanaka is gravely disturbed and feels responsible

It's a disgrace to Japanese

We're worried he might do something

- Khurchilava - Beckenbauer

At last I can tell you're Tsuma

I am Tsuma Gimme the weasel

- You're Julian, right? - Unfortunately

Count

- It's more than one hundred? - You deserve a bonus

Thanks, man I'll show my kids Spain

At your service in the future

What future? There'll be no more pictures

- Will you drive me to town? - Come

Why da Vinci if he can't brag about it?

Those rich wackos love to keep something forbidden

Just for themselves as shrines at home

- Why shrines? - 'Cause they're wackos

They go there in secret to jerk off, possibly

Fatso you got the third key?

You want to kill me, yes?

Who'll buy that shit from you, then?

- You chose this place yourself - Why him?

He has the right to be here The photo is thanks to him

Tell him to beat it

Move that

Don't you trust me, Fatso?

I do But an ounce of prevention etc

- How do I know it's not a copy - Check

and it's its microphotograph? - You crazy?

I have my connections too Let's check what we've got

The real one

Straight from Japan

A beautiful thing

I wonder why the media keep mum I listen to the news and nothing

- Aren't you surprised? - I've done my job The dough

Tomorrow

Tomorrow? Tomorrow? In a pig's eye

What? You don't trust me?

I was like a father to you, and you don't trust me?

I didn't say up front, but when they pay me

Relax or you'll lose Wiaderny's medicine

What is it, Fatso?

Fatso

Fatso

Fan-fucking-tastic Hornet

What?

What've you done to him?

He must've died

- How come? - Died He's dead

Up and died? Jesus

This board is worth shit if nobody pays

- Jesus - Cool it

Cool it? Nobody has died on me

Even in Kosovo nobody died on me

Do something with him?

- Stealing from a dead man? - Only his notebook

A list of the 100 richest men, patrons of the arts all

Nothing doing What do we do with him?

Leave him here

It's his apartment We'll call the police later

Let's see whom he's called recently

Who's speaking, please? Mr Mieczyslaw?

A broad

- Back to the museum? - You mean Fatso?

I need dough, get it? We must push it on some of those rich

How? You'll make an appointment with a Croesus as who?

Not me, but someone above suspicion

Who commands respect? I may have such a man

Up to something again?

You don't trust me again? Now you'll have to

He lives

Lucky he But hasn't brought the dough Wanted to screw us Let's beat it

Take the photo

A beautiful idea, but I hate to admit it that our investment plan

has been overdrawn It's been $9,000,000 after all

If it was just me and no other members of the board

It'll take more than a year to refurbish 3 Secession-style houses

I've seen them Put it away I may smudge it

You're a man after my heart, but my HQ are in Hamburg

If it depended on me, the houses would be ready now,

as I'm indebted to you for your art counseling

By the way of art I have a sensation

Really?

Suppose I could deliver something priceless for your collection

I'm all ears

No more said or you'll become an accomplice

It smells fishy to me You got the wrong man

This looks like crime to me I have a board meeting, so good bye

Don't worry I'm not taping this talk

Your CEO competitor foresaw your reaction to a T

He's zilch

My rival? Did you tell him you'd contact me?

Said you wouldn't buy it anyway and I'd return

He wants to buy it?

That's bluff and bluster

He wants to buy it? A pig in a poke?

It'll soon be an all media sensation nationwide

What's that pig in a poke?

After a 3-month-long tour in Japan, Cecilia Gallerani,

a k a Lady with Ermine is back home

You can again admire this most precious jewel of Polish collections

The first admirer is Mrs Barbara Sykalska, a promoter

and patron of Polish arts living in the States

A very good copy, this Where do you keep the original?

The latest sensation from Krakow From the Czartoryskis Gallery

has been stolen the priceless and most famous painting

Turn up the volume

leaving a copy Mrs Barbara Sykalska,

a patron of the arts from the States, discovered the theft

HOW MUCH DO YOU OFFER?

HOW MUCH DO YOU OFFER?

WE MAY DELIVER IT NOW

Sorry I'll turn it off right away

- You were asking? - How did you know it was a copy?

I'm a freak fan, that is, of Leonardo

I know the picture by heart

The weasel had six whiskers rather than seven

Congratulations on your eagle eye

I've always been successful no matter what I do

I've bought the copy from the museum to keep it as a souvenir in Florida

Here are all the necessary papers to take the picture across the border legally

I gave the permission to take away this piece of evidence

So it was you? I'm so grateful

Incredible

One question: Why so much? What's the reason?

Picasso was sold for $104,000,000, Cellini's salt shaker for 60,

Raphael's Madonna with Thorns for forty-nine

This is a promotional price

The deposit card

The bus was stolen outside the Piast Hotel a day before,

which was reported, of course

How come they knew the exact date and the hour?

Their plant at the airport?

No, the airport knew at the last moment

I haven't graduated from your American schools

But for 40 years in People's Poland nobody stole the Lady,

let alone thought of stealing it

Come in

Hello

What do you want?

- We made an appointment - Beat it

But I was supposed to report here

I heard the news Maybe I could help

Don't you understand Polish?

Thank you

So I won't be needed, right?

Good bye

Stupid shits

The third time this month

Four million Euro

For either of us More than you expected, huh?

Did you give it some thought?

- What? - To that

To live abroad on a false passport, by the name of Padlo,

And an impending extradition in store?

It's only a year Shall I sell your car?

Take it Vinci will buy me a Ferrari

I wanted to ask you why Vinci and never da Vinci?

Like the Russkies say dah Vinci?

Why don't you give it back to Lehmann?

He may've lost hope

In a clever manner

You won't lead me to believe, Julian,

we've sold that CEO the real thing?

Rather sackcloth and ashes till my dying day than stealing da Vinci

I commissioned two copies

When did you switch them?

While you were clearing accounts with Verbus

I'm getting old

- Well? - Nothing

Tell me?

We missed the one chance of a lifetime

We should've made 10 copies All would've sold

Four is not bad, Magda We met the deadline by a hair

- I had to do everything - Pardon? I made one

The one without the whisker

Exactly Copies are never ideal

Who hired Fatso?

Who knows?

Sykalska, yes? You knew it all along

She'd been pestering me about the copy of '62

And Fatso wanted the microphotograph

I joined those two facts together

And you gave him the photo of my copy?

Everything was supposed to tally

You're a fan-fucking-tastic genius, Gramps

I adore you

I'd really like to refurbish those houses

- We can do it this way - What houses, Gramps, please?

I can do with my cut what I please

Aren't we playing?

White or black?

We can't call the end of this story other than a miraculous find

Commissioner, I address the Chief of the Painting Squad,

how did you manage to get back the priceless picture so fast?

Our whole team worked out

Peter Our picture is on TV

Can't you lift the veil of secrecy?

The investigation is in progress

The idiots say they've found it

- What? - They have

Heard the good news?

Yes, I'm just watching you on TV

We have ascertained beyond any doubt

I gave er I'd give millions for it

You said a dilly of a chance

Now neither da Vinci nor a flight in space for me