Original subtitles

Did I just cut in line?

Bye, Caesar! Thanks for all the salad!

Caesar: Et tu, Uncle Grandpa!

[ Munching ]

Checkmate.

That's game, Tiny Miracle.

You've beat me, Mr. Gus.

Good game. -Good game.

Sweet sassafras, Mr. Gus!

You bested a robot at chess?

You're a real-life chess master!

Thanks.

[ Chomping ] Don't mention it.

Hey! Anybody can beat Tiny Miracle.

You ain't a realchess master until you beat me--

Pizza Steve -- master of all things!

Wow.

All this time, we've been living with a real-life chess master.

Who knew?

You could probably beat me pretty easy, huh?

I mean, it might take me a couple of moves, but...

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, yes.

Well, let's you and me play, then.

Loser has to run around the block -- naked.

What? N-naked?

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Do not have time for this.

Unfortunately, I've got a date

with Tiny Miracle to teach him about arm bars.

Isn't that right, Tiny Miracle?

I have no such event planned on my Tiny Cal.

Man, how you gonna do me like that, Tiny Miracle?!

Come on up here, lil' slice,

unless you're not actually a realchess master...

[ Growls ] All right, fine!

But I'm gonna waste you!

Okay, chess master, your move.

[ Grunts ]

Man, this ain't T-ball.

Quit playing around, Pizza Steve.

I know, I know! [ Sighs ]

All right.

Oh, no!

Sorry! I slipped and fell!

We can't play anymore!

Oh, no need to worry.

This board is waterproof,

in case I ever get to play poolside at the Montego.

[ Grunts, coughs ]

Oh, yeah. I play there allthe time.

Mm-hmm, sure you do.

Now, what was it you were gonna do again?

Waste me?

[ Grunts ] Check.

Whoa!

You're about to beat Pizza Steve!

[ Yawns ]

I'm actually kind of tired, though.

[ Groans ]

I think I'm gonna call it a night.

All right, fine.

But we're finishing this in the morning.

And here's a little something

in case you need to brush up on your chess rules.

[ Groans ] "Chess 101"?

I don't need this.

And best believe I'm gonna sleep out here tonight --

make sure you don't try nothing funny.

[ Groans ] Oh, what do you think I'm gonna do,

swing-line down all 007-style

and paint the pieces a different color

to make it look like I'm winning?

-Yes. -Well, I'm not!

[ Snoring ]

Ah! What are you doing?!

Huh?! M-Making a midnight snack!

[ Smack! ] [ Grunts ]

You were trying to paint the pieces

to make it look like you were winning!

You disgust me.

Good thing I came prepared.

Try getting through this cheat-proof glass!

[ Yawns ]

Good night!

[ Growls ] All right.

Gotta think of another plan.

Uncle G, what are you doing here?

[ Trance-like voice ] What are youdoing here?

Playing chess -- what does it look like?

Now, please, get out of the way!

Get out of the way...

What's gotten into you, man?

[ Snoring ]

Oh. Sleepwalking again, huh?

Sleepwalk.

[ Grunts ] Get off me, bro!

Get...off.

Ah, that's better. Now, go back to bed.

Go back...to bed.

Whatever you say, Pizza Steve.

[ Snores ]

Whatever I say, huh?

Uncle G, wait up!

[ Snoring, muttering ]

Uncle G, what are you doing?!

Get up and keep walking!

Get up. Keep wal-king.

That's it! You're my pawn,

like in a board game that uses pawns as pieces.

Uncle G, walk to the kitchen.

[ Snores ]

Walk like chicken.

[ Clucking ]

Walk to the kitchen, you fool!

Walk to kitchen.

[ Snoring ]

Make a sandwich.

Hold on.

Make a "submarine sandwich."

Make "submarine sandwich."

[ Groans ]

Lettuce, tomato...

periscope.

Jalapeño pepper.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sneezes ]

[ Sneezes ]

[ Snoring ]

[ Sighs ]

Man: And...welcome to Smooth Jazz.

Welcome back to Smooth Jazz!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Up next is a classic jazz standard.

[ Scatting ]

Uh, you okay?

Uncle G, cut it out, bro!

Cut it out, bro.

Whoa, all right, all right.

You were just acting strange, that's all.

Engage submarine sandwich.

Yeah, submarine sandwich.

[ Sonar beeping ]

[ Rapid beeping ]

Fire jalapeño missiles!

[ Slow-motion ] Noooooo!

[ Buzzer ]

Huh? That's it!

If I can't destroy the chessboard,

I'm going to have to destroy...

the entire RV!

[ Snoring ]

Walk...to cockpit.

[ Snores ]

That's it. Now start the RV.

[ Engine starts ]

And turn right on that bumpy road.

Dah!

[ Rattling ]

Uncle Grandpa, what are you doing?!

Put the car in park!

Put car in park.

[ Tires screech ]

Whoa!

What are you doing?! Drive, drive!

Drive, drive.

[ Tires squeal ]

Keep driving! Keep driving!

Whoa!

Stop the RV!

Stop the RV.

Go, go, go!

Uncle Grandpa: Go, go, go.

-No! -Yes!

-No! -Yes, yes, yes!

-No, no, no! -Yes!

[ Snoring ]

Oh, shoot!

Oh, chute.

[ Groans ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, no! It's almost tomorrow!

Mr. Gus is going to make me run around the block naked!

What am I gonna do?! Think, Pizza Steve, think!

Think, Pizza Steve, think.

Maybe I'm going to have to read this dumb book.

Ah, curse you, Chester Masterson!

I wish I could go back in time

and change the rules of this book

so that Pizza Steve is always the winner

no matter what.

This is it -- this is the day

that everyone will find out that Pizza Steve is a failure --

a failure who can't play chess.

[ Sighs ]

Here it goes.

Well, well! Look who decided to resume the game.

You better start peeling off those pepperonis,

because you're about to run around the block naked!

Let's just get this over with.

It's your move.

Oh. Right. Uh...

Checkmate!

That's game, Pizza Steve.

Actually, according to my calculations,

Pizza Steve is the winner!

What?! [ Laughs ]

Ah, but, seriously, everybody knows

that the removal of an opponent's king means a victory.

It says so right here.

Wha?!

I don't know how you got away with this,

but I am a man of my word.

[ Grunts ]

Hello, everybody! I'm naked!

[ People screaming ]

[ Yawns ] Mornin', fellas.

Pizza Steve, I had the craziest dream last night.

You were talking in my ear and bossing me around,

and then you told me to travel back in time

to rewrite a book on chess.

Pretty weird, right?

Yeah. Weird!

[ Chomp! ]

[ Laughing ]

Okay, right this way, Mr. Gus.

You sit right here.

Is this the photo shoot

for next month's issue of "RV Monthly"?

You betcha, Mr. Gus! It's gonna be a doozy!

How long on hair and makeup for Giant Realistic Flying Tiger?!

Call time's in three minutes!

Okay.

Thanks again for taking the time to do this, Pizza Steve.

We know you're a busy man.

[ All grunt ]

Who put that cord there?

-I did, sir. -You're fired!

Right this way, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger.

Watch the cord.

Such beautiful hair, Giant Realistic Flying Tiger.

Your hair looks great!

Ugh!

Right this way, Belly Bag.

Glass of water for your troubles?

How long on Frankenstein's wardrobe?!

Call time's in two!

Did we ship the promo art to Bangladesh?

Right this way, Tiny Miracle.

We're going live in five!

Right this way, Frankenstein!

-Four, three! -Hurry!

Get in the picture, Uncle Grandpa!

-Two! -Oh, no! Wait for me!

-One! -Oh, no!

[ Camera flashes ]

Nice! [ Giggles ]

Man, we're never gonna get our picture in "RV Monthly."

[ Roars ]

[ Theme music ]

That was quite delicious.