Original subtitles

Hi, my name's Pizza Steve!

[ Cow moos ]

So I burst through the amniotic sac,

spraying everyone with fluids,

and that's how I came into existence.

-Wow! -Gross!

That is an amazing origin story, Uncle Grandpa.

Oh, it was nothing, Martine.

I've got loads of them.

It's true, you know?

[ Groans ] Hey.

Why don't you tell Pizza Steve's origin story?!

Oh, yeah.

Changed my life forever.

Uh...

Yeah.

Sounds about right to me.

Yep, no need for further inquiries.

Inquiries-mendos.

Pizza Steve, do you think --

What?! Am I on trial here?

Me -- honest Steve?!

You can't prove nothing!

I shan't sit here and have my name be slandered!

I'm gonna go stand by that bush and think about my innocence.

I'm sorry you had to see this, Martine.

Congratulations on winning the online quiz.

The nerve!

Oh, I'm a phony.

Oh, I can never forget the things I did,

the people I left behind.

Aah!

Mercy!

[ Sobs ]

Looks like Pizza Steve is having inner turmoil...

again.

Mm-hmm.

[ Screams ]

They can never know.

[ Banjo music plays ]

Hmm.

Something's wrong with this here thought bubble.

Observe.

What the Steve?!

Who's this nerd?

Uncle Grandpa, please be hushed.

Pizza Steve is clearly having a difficult flashback.

Let's sit quietly and watch his memories,

and maybe this will illuminate some hidden aspects

of Pizza Steve's character.

I think I already know Pizza Steve pretty well,

but if you insist, Mr. Gus.

[ Banjo music continues ]

Ah, yes. The old, uh, country music work fantasy.

[ Chuckles ] Pretty wild.

Keep scrubbing those stains, Steven,

and one day, you'll have my job.

[ Chuckles ] Reminds me of me.

[ Music stops ]

Yuck!

Oh, why?!

Why me?

A pizza slice with such promise, such potential --

going to waste in this...

stink hole.

I could be more than a dishwasher

who likes country music.

I could be -- I could be...

Ham Sandwich: A rocking and rolling cool boy.

That's what they'll say about me and my new shades.

[ Laughs ] Hey, look at that rocking and rolling cool boy!

[ Laughs ]

A "rocking and rolling cool boy," eh?

"Rock and roll."

With those shades, I could be a rockin' and rollin' cool boy.

I'll just go up to him and ask them to try them on.

How hard could that be?

The verdict is in.

I am officially cool!

[ Laughs ]

[ Munches ]

Howdy.

E-e-e-e-e-k!

A bug!

[ Screams ]

Yuck! Ich!

Ow.

[ Groans ]

[ Strained ] Of course you realize this means war.

[ Slurping ]

[ Rumbling ]

Oh, my!

This crab bisque is playing havoc with my toot factory.

Time to visit the little gentleman's room.

I'll take off my new shades so as not to sully them in there.

There they are. Those are the shades I require.

I'll just ease on up out of here.

[ Grunts ] Oh, no!

Ow.

[ Groans ]

Oh!

This your crab bisque, chum?

Uh...

I guess you think it's funny to throw bisque around, huh?!

[ Squeaks ] Fun boy.

Funny, fun, fun boy.

You know what I do to fun boys?

Beats me, partner.

Partner?

Only a country music fan

would use the word "partner" in casual conversation.

Hey.

You're all right.

I'm a big country music fan myself.

Always neat to meet another honky tonker.

Well, keep on truckin'.

I'll be hitting the old dusty trail.

Huh. Looks like everything's comin' up Steve.

He-e-e-e-e ya-a-a-a-a-h!

Perish, you immortal bug!

[ Screams ] Oh.

I used to help small boys like you...

before I lost my way.

Uncle Grandpa, can you help me disguise myself

so I can steal some sunglasses from a mean bully?

[ Stammering ]

It's been a while.

But okay.

I'll make you the greatest disguise

the child-helping community has ever seen,

or my name isn't Gumpy Puppers.

Hmm.

Which of these desserts is cool enough for me?

[ Laughs ] Yes.

[ Clears throat ]

Warm and moist towelette?

Uh, no, thanks.

I'd like the cremed brulee --

[ Screams ]

Ow!

What's the big idea, doctor chef?!

You could have damaged my both sets of glasses!

You are lucky that they remained un-scathed!

Now could you please direct me to

your cold and moist towelettes?

My face is hot and sticky.

Uh...Yes.

They are outside -- by the trash.

I will take as many towelettes as I please.

But I can assure you I'll be filling out a comment card.

Yeah!

[ Laughs ]

Oh.

Oh!

Hello, attendant?

I need attending to.

Fafa-fooey! [ Screams ]

Uncle Grandpa?!

Why are you restraining me?!

I thought you were supposed to help kids.

I've lost my way!

Ooh!

Okay, that's enough vibrating in joy.

Time to put on these bad boys and change my life forever.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Ooh.

Steady as she goes.

Ow! [ Chuckles ]

Whoopsies.

Let's try that again.

Aaah!

No!

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

No pain, no gain.

[ Screams ]

[ Groans, screams ]

[ Groans ]

You.

You broke my awesome shades.

You filthy little...

[ Inhales deeply ]

...bug!

[ Explosion ]

I wonder what's happening over there.

I'm sorry you got hurt, little boy...

But you're a little too lame to be seen hanging out with me.

Goodbye, loser.

Ooh. Yes, indeedy.

It has been quite a day.

A bird flew away with half my sandwich.

Also that customer violently attacked you.

Oh, he was a real rocking and rolling cool fella.

Must be amazing to live life to the fullest like that.

No one could tell you what to do.

You'd be your own boss.

You'd demand respect.

Of course, you know what's more rocking and rolling?

Being promoted to junior vice president

of washing dishes and my underwear.

No more!

[ Screams ]

[ Bird tweets ]

[ Screaming continues ]

[ Grunts ]

Oh! What?!

I fell down.

Ooh, baby!

[ Metal guitar riff plays ]

[ Gasping ]

Uhh. Will you pretty please live with me in my RV

and help young boys and girls with their boring problems

for the rest of all time?

Shucks.

[ Wistful music plays ]

Gee, I sure don't remember any of that, much.

[ Fart sound ]

[ Groans ]

I've seen enough.

Yo, Pizza Steve, this is a real memory

or some kind of weird fantasy?!

Huh? W-what's all this, now?

[ Chuckles nervously ]

We saw it all.

Once again, your cool credibility is at stake,

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Can it be so, Pizza Steve -- again?

[ Inhales ]

[ Sighs deeply ]

Pizza Steve, were you really so lame?!

Are you just a pair of old-man glasses?

Do you really like country music?

Mr. Steve voiceover: I could blame it on Mr. Gus.

No, I've done that already.

Nothing could possibly save my reputation now.

I know the truth, Pizza Steve.

-Huh? -Huh?

I know, because I was there.

[ Machinery whirring ]

You stole my sunglasses!

Prepare to be destroyed!

[ Whirring ]

Yowzah!

That smarts!

That was so cool, Pizza Steve.

I'll probably never doubt your coolness again.

Narrator: Or will he?!

♪♪

That was quite delicious.