Original subtitles

Don't step on that spider!

[ Cow moos ]

[ Beeping ]

Oh, boy!

Bacon-wrapped hot dogs -- how I love you so!

Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait to eat ya!

Tiger, get a load of this guy.

"Ooh!

I'm Mr. Gus weading my wittle bookie-wookie."

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Mr. Gus, what are you reading?!

Is that a book?! Are those words?!

Is that a paragraph?!

Ooh! Look, a comma!

So what ya reading, Mr. Gus? Huh, huh?

Glad you asked, Uncle Grandpa.

It's new book I got from the library called

"How to Manage Anger

and Find Peace of Mind."

Sounds like a mouthful --

just like my bacon-wrapped hot dog.

[ Whip! ] Huh?

That was some super-slippery bacon!

Darn it, darn it, darn it!

My doggy dog is ruined!

It's okay, Uncle Grandpa.

It's just a hot dog.

No need to lose your cool.

Mr. Gus, puh-lease!

I'm as cool as a cucumber.

Yeah, he cool, he cool.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a big day of kid-helping ahead of me.

Yup, I love helping kids,

'cause it's so easy and I'm so good at it.

[ Whistle! Splat! ]

Hey, there, Sammy!

Uh, hi, Uncle Grandpa.

My skateboard's busted. It doesn't work anymore.

Well, let your old Uncle G have a look-see.

Oh, yeah!

Looks like you have a crack attack in the wheel, here.

[ Creak! Pop! ]

So can you fix it?

Maybe put on a new wheel or something?

Oh, I'm gonna do more than just that, Sammy.

Huh? [ Zip! ]

Check out my thought bubble.

I'm gonna give you

some monster truck wheels and a V-12 engine

so you can totally shred some pavement

in this sick, mean, dream-team skate machine.

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Coughing ]

Wow! That sounds awesome!

You bet your little tush it is!

Let's pop this wheel off so we can get this baby rolling

on some sweet fatties.

It only gets easier from here.

[ Blink! ]

Darn thing! Won't come off!

[ Blink! ]

[ Grunting ]

Come on, you stupid wheel!

What are you doing to my board?!

[ Grunts ]

[ Panting ] This wheel is stuck!

Uncle Grandpa, you totally broke my skateboard!

Thanks for nothing!

But the wheel wouldn't...

[ Cash register dings ]

Here's a brand-new skateboard, Sammy.

Knock yourself out.

Thanks, Uncle Grandpa!

[ Brakes screech ]

Hey, Tara...

heard you had some kite troubles.

[ Whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! ]

So how can I help you?

Well, I've tried and tried,

but I can't seem to get my kite up in the air.

Not to worry, my sweet aeronaut.

Your favorite Uncle Grandpa will not only

get this kite up in the air,

but also break through the stratosphere

and help you fly this bad boy out in deep space.

Whoa! That would be awesome!

I know. That's why I suggested it.

Boo-ya!

The trick to kite flight

is to give it a little running start.

Just a little acceleration and...

Darn it!

Well, maybe it's not windy enough!

But look at those trees bend in the wind.

[ Wind howling ]

All right, let's try this again...

but faster!

Uncle Grandpa, are you sure this is gonna work?

It better -- or else!

[ Rock music plays on radio ]

Okay, that's it.

Time to put my foot down on the kite flying accelerator.

[ Tires squeal ]

Now, that's what I'm talking about!

[ Brakes screech ]

[ Poink! Poink! ]

Here you go, Tara.

What'd I tell ya?

Your old man Uncle Grandpa didn't let you down.

Look at that baby fly!

Cool!

So when do we get to fly it in space?

Huh?

What's happening?

Huh?!

Both: Whoa!

You stupid kite!

Won't even stay up in the air! Uncle Grandpa, no!

[ Fabric ripping ] Don't tear up my favorite kite!

[ Panting ]

I hate your favorite kite.

[ Cash register dings ]

Here you go, Tara.

Brand new top-of-the-line kite.

Thanks, Uncle Grandpa!

Aw, man!

My pencil won't sharpen.

Gee whillikers!

[ Blam! ] Huh?

What's wrong with your pencil, Louis?

It won't sharpen.

"My name's Louis.

My pencil won't sharpen."

Excuse me.

But aren't you gonna sharpen my pencil

in a cool Uncle Grandpa style

and take me on an adventure?

No.

[ Sharpener whirs ]

See? I told you.

Hush it!

[ Sproing! ]

[ Growling ]

Uncle Grandpa?!

Oh, my gosh!

[ Warble! ]

[ Foosh! ]

Stupid pencil!

Good-for-nothing graphite!

[ Train horn toots ]

I'm sorry, Louis. You're a crayon man now.

Got no time for dumb pencils.

Can't catch a break today!

[ Blam! ]

Uncle Grandpa, you okay?

Am I okay?

No, I'm not!

I've had it up to here with the kid-helping business!

Whoa, whoa, chill out, Uncle Grandpa!

Just calm down, man.

It's gonna be okay.

Yeah, bro.

No need to blow your top over some kids.

[ Groaning ]

We can just talk it over--

[ Echoing ] Noooooo!

I can't take it anymore!

It's driving me mad!

You need to seriously chill, bro. Just calm down,

[ Normal voice ] No!

No chilling!

Enough is enough!

Woman: [ Laughs ] That's a shame.

Huh?

Such a pity to see jolly Uncle Grandpa

in such a bad mood.

[ Gasps ] Both: Aunt Grandma?!

Aunt Grandma?!

What are youdoing here?

I thought they locked you up

in the Happy Hills Home for Unsound Minds!

Oh, Aunt Grandma has far better things to do

than be locked up -- like ruining your life.

So you'rethe one who's been behind my bad day.

It was a splendidly beautiful plan, wasn't it?

The skillful art of sabotage.

It was I who planted these strategic hindrances to foil your day.

The slippery bacon on your hot dog...

the super glue on the skate wheel...

horseshoes in the kite.

And, my favorite,

the titanium pencil that doesn't even sharpen.

[ Laughs ] That's just low!

Why I oughta...

Hold that angry thought.

I have another surprise for you.

Feast your eyes on this!

[ All gasp ]

Impressive, isn't it?

Allow me to introduce the official Supreme Judge

of the Kid's Cartoons TV Board.

He's here to judge and evaluate

what are acceptable attitudes allowed in kid's cartoons.

His Anger Meter measures the anger rating

of any specific character in a show.

If the rating exceeds the allowed limit,

he will be forced to banish the character

with outstanding anger issues.

As you can see, it has a full range

from "Cool" to "Uncontrollable Rage."

And when you, old man, get too angry,

you can say goodbye

to "The Uncle Grandpa Show"

and hello to the all new,

mom-approved,

killing it in the ratings

for demos 6-to-11 boys and girls,

"Aunt Grandma" series!

Now, I've seen a lot of things in my day,

but that's a bunch of balderdash!

If you think I'm falling for your stupid tricks again,

you've got another thing coming, Mama!

[ Singsong voice ] Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Temper, temper.

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Groans ]

You think you're just gonna take over my show,

you're wrong!

I don't think she's joking, man!

[ Echoing ] You stay out of this!

[ Normal voice ] You can't just waltz into my show

and ruin my episode!

Yes. Keep it coming.

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Growls ]

See? It's working!

Keep it up, you furious goon.

Mr. Gus, we gotta do something

or the judge is gonna throw the book at him!

That's it -- throw the book!

This ought to do it.

Yo, Uncle Grandpa, catch!

[ Grunts ]

Huh? What's this?

"How to Manage Anger and Find Peace of Mind."

Oh!

I get it!

[ Creak! Pop! ]

Oh! Brain food!

[ Chomp! ]

[ Surf music plays ]

What's going on?

[ Yawns ]

What is this? Why aren't you angry anymore?!

Hey, I think it's working!

You go, Uncle G! Stay cool!

How about a little of this to incite some rage?

[ Spring! ]

Patooie!

Nice try, Granny,

but you're gonna have to do better than that

if you want to make me mad.

[ Growls ]

♪♪

[ Sloop! ]

Sorry.

I'm still 100% not mad at you.

No hard feelings.

[ Screams ]

Why won't you get mad, you simple minded slog?!

[ Alarm blares ] Huh?

[ Kettle whistling ]

[ Growls ]

What? No!

[ Growls ]

Wait! You can't do this to me.

No! This is an outrage!

I mean, but I'mnot outraged.

Looks like that eraser is rubbing you the wrong way.

You haven't seen the last of me. I'll be back.

And when I return, I am going to do horrible things to you,

like for example...

Peace.

Wow, guys.

What a crazy emotional roller coaster of an episode.

Sorry you had to see me at my worst.

But now I'm glad you get to see me at my best.

Plus, we got rid of Aunt Grandma again,

so that's another plus.

I'm really proud of you, Uncle Grandpa.

You learned mind power is the key

to taking those things that anger you

and letting 'em slide like water off a duck's butt.

Ch-yeah, bro. Way to keep your cool.

You were almost as cool

as Pizza Steve would have been in that situation.

Thanks, guys.

I learned a valuable lesson --

that anger is real,

and there's a way to manage it responsibly.

And that there's a creepy guy

watching everything we do in the RV,

and we better do what he says

or else he might kick us off our show.

[ Theme music plays ]

That was quite delicious.