Original subtitles

♪♪

My nose is made out of soap.

♪♪

[ Goat bleats ]

♪♪

Frommmmm the Big Apple,

it's "Late Night Good Morning with Uncle Grandpa"!

Huh-ah!

Tonight...!

And a performance by...

Plus...

And me! I'm Belly Bag!

And, now, here's a guy who still hasn't figured out

how to put on a pair of pants...

Unnnnncle

Grandpaaaaaaa!

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hiya, folks. Welcome to the show.

So, this is an exciting week.

The circus is in town.

Everybody's excited about the circus.

Yeah, even the elephants.

So, uh, how do you stop a circus elephant from charging?

You take away her credit card.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Gotta love the circus. Gotta love it.

My favorite thing about the circus is the human cannonball.

You folks familiar with the human cannonball?

-Yeah. [applauding] -Yeah.

Well, unfortunately, you won't see him

at the circus this year.

Yeah. Sad story.

He got fired.

[Laughter]

Boom!

And, hey, how about those circus clowns?

You folks like circus clowns? [Applause]

[ Cheering ]

Yeah, well, this is kind of a sad story.

The other day, a circus lion ate a bunch of circus clowns.

[ Grumbling ]

Yeah, this is true.

The worst part was the lion

didn't even finish eating 'em.

Yeah, when asked why not, the lion said

they tasted funny.

-[Laughter] -[Growling]

Folks, it's time to say hello to Mr. Gus & the Jurassic Jam!

[Cheers and applause] ♪♪

[ Playing soft jazz ]

[Slurps] [Outro plays]

I've said it a million times:

we've got the best all-dinosaur band in late night.

[Applause] Ahhhhhhh!

Mr. Gus, go ahead and tell us

about your special guest tonight.

Well, you know him from the legendary punk rock band

the Ramones!

Ladies and gentleman, we're super lucky to have

Marky Ramone sitting in on drums all night!

[ Cheers and applause ]

It's great to be here

on the "Uncle Grandpa" program.

Great to have ya, Marky, but there's only one problem

with you sittin' in with an all-dinosaur band.

You're not exactly a dinosaur.

That's what you think.

[ Chuckling ]

Aah!!

'Kay, fair enough.

Hey, do you folks enjoy delicious tacos?

All: Whoo!

'Cause it's taco-machine time!

[ Cheering and shouting ]

My friends in the space program

went all out when they built this thing.

It's taco-riffic!

[ Laughter ]

[ Alarm blares ]

Time to make the tacos!

[ Panting ]

[ Ding! ]

[ Whirring ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Here's your taco.

Thanks!

[ Panting ]

Mum-mum-mum. [ Gulps ]

[ Ding!] Mucho bueno!

[ Laughter ]

By the way, you folks in the audience are in luck,

'cause we've got tacos for everybody!

[Horn blares] -Ohh!

[Bell dings] [ Muffled cheering ]

Hope you folks enjoy those.

My first guest tonight is the same first guest

we have on every night.

Ladies and gentlemen, how about a nice, warm welcome

for my greasy best friend and hero,

Pizza Steve!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back, Pizza Steve.

Thanks Uncle, G.

It's good to be here.

So, what's new, little buddy?

Oh, you know, the uzh: hangin' with the president,

dating America's top supermodels,

interstellar space travel.

[Laughter] -Oh, that's cute.

Oh, man! Awesome!

[ Slurps ]

Hey, speaking of awesome,

remember that awesome video segment we made?

Yeah. That was pretty awesome.

So, uh, over the weekend, me and Pizza Steve here

made an awesome video together.

-[Laughter, oohs] -Yeah.

We had a really awesome idea,

so we got a camera crew and we filmed it.

You guys want to watch it?

Audience: Yeah!

R-R-R-Roll it, Frankenstein!

Rawr!

[ Whoosh]

[ Pitter!]

Mmm!

[Air horn blares] Aaaaah!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, classic. [Laughter]

Comedy gold.

[ Growls ]

Hey, by the way, the studio audience is in luck,

'cause we've got banana cream pies for everybody!

[Ding!] Audience: Ooh!

Hey, I think we should watch the air-horn video again.

What do you think, Pizza Steve?

-[Squawking] -Huh?

[ Squawking ]

Commercial break?

[ Squawking ]

Uggghhh! Do we have to?

[ Squawking ]

All right.

[dully] We'll be back after this brief message

from our sponsor. [Cheers and applause]

[ Band plays soft jazz ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[Valley accent] Stacey, can this party be

any lamer? -I know, right?

Bananas are like so five minutes ago.

[ Rumbling ]

Boo, yeah! It's time...!

-Huh? -What?

[dramatically] ...to taste the tange.

[Squish] [Rock music plays]

[ Shimmer!] ♪ T-T-T-T-Tangerines ♪

♪ Do you know what I mean? ♪

Tangerines?

♪ T-T-Tangerines ♪

They look like tiny oranges.

♪ But they're tangerines ♪

When you're lookin' for a tangy, orange citrus fruit

that isn't an orange, reach for tangerines!

[ Shimmer!]

♪ Tan-ge-rines! ♪

Taste the Tange!

[ Announcer speaking rapidly ]

[ Band plays soft jazz ]

[Cheers and applause] Welcome back, folks.

It's time now for a little segment we like to call

Will it Break?

Take it away, Mr. Gus.

♪ Will it break? ♪

♪ Will it break? ♪

♪ Will it break? ♪

♪ Will it bre-e-ak? ♪

[laughs] Yeah!

Okay, here's how this works: We put a special item onstage

then we drop a giant anvil on it, and see if it breaks.

[Cheers and applause] -Oh, wow, yeah!

[Laughter] Okay, Belly Bag, tell us

what tonight's special item is.

Tonight's special item is...

Mr. Gus's antique china collection!

Say what?

Okay, what do you think, Pizza Steve, will it break?

I'm gonna go with...

sh-yeah!

Just a second now --

Okay, Pizza Steve says it'll break.

Marky Ramone, what do you think?

Oh, yeah. That'll definitely break.

Okay, I'm with you fellas.

I say it breaks, too.

Uncle Grandpa!

Okay, let's go ahead and drop the anvil.

Are you for real?!

[ Smash! ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Wel...p, it broke!

Of course it broke! It's delicate china!

Yeah, hey, we gotta move on now, Mr. Gus.

[crying] These Gus Family heirlooms

are irreplaceable, man!

Oh. Well, if it'll make you feel any better,

we'll just edit that segment out.

Frankenstein?

Rawr! Rrr!

Problem solved.

[ Slurps ]

So, Pizza Steve, did you catch

the sports game last night?

[ Squawking ]

[sighs] Flippin' frog legs.

[ Squawking ]

Another commercial?!

-[Squawks] -Okay, fine.

We'll be right back.

[Band plays soft jazz] [Cheers and applause]

[Piano plays romantic tune] Woman: After all those years,

you've finally found the one,

the love of your life,

your soulmate.

Show her how much you love her with the gift of...

tangerines.

[ Laughs ]

[whispering] Tangerines.

[ Announcer speaking rapidly ]

[Band plays soft jazz] [Whistling and applause]

[laughs] Hurry up, Pizza Steve.

We're back. Um... my next guest

is a popular staple in delicatessens around the world.

And also my favorite kind of sandwich.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

Baloney Sandwich.

[ Cheers, laughter, and applause ]

Hey, have a seat.

[ Fart]

[Laughter] -Ohh, you guys!

Ah, yeah!

Anyways, thanks for coming on the show.

Thanks for having me.

Oh, hey, by the way,

there's complimentary whoopee cushions

under every seat in the audience tonight.

[Muffled cheering] [ Farting]

So, what kind of mustard are you into?

Well, let's just say I'm a --

a honey Dijon kind of guy.

Honey Dijon?! Oh man! Me, too!

Now, uh, is that sourdough bread?

Heck, yeah it is,

fresh from San Francisco!

Geez Louise!

That's the best kind!

What else you got on ya?

Any pickle slices under your baloney?

Yep -- Don't leave home without 'em!

Mm. Okay, this card says you're here

to promote your new TV show.

Yeah. I'm doing a new family sitcom

called "The Baloneys."

I play a single dad, trying to raise

six out-of-control kids

who are also baloney sandwiches.

Mmm. [smacks lips]

Okay, let's show a clip.

[Canned laughter] No daughter of mine

is leaving the house dressed like that!

What?! But, Daddy!

No buts!

Your whole lettuce is hanging out!

Daaad! Lawrence bit me!

[ Groans ]

Why can't you kids be more like

the Salamis next door?

[ Laughter ]

[Cheers and applause] -Mmm, mmm!

[ Gulps ]

"The Baloneys" premieres

Wednesday night at 8:00

on another network.

All right, let's bring out the band!

Marky Ramone, you're gonna love these guys.

I'm very excited.

Our next guest is a popular rock 'n' roll band.

They're here to perform a song

from their brand-new album, "RAWR."

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

Giant Realistic Flying Rock Band!

[Cheers and applause] -Yeah!

[ Rock music plays ]

[ Roars ]

♪♪

[ Cracking ]

[ Roars ]

[ Rumble, roars ]

[ Rumbling ]

Uh-oh! -[Roaring]

[ Clatter ]

Talk about bringing down the house.

Good night, everybody!

♪♪

♪♪

That was quite delicious.

♪♪