Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> HEY, LISA, MY MOM, LIKE,

PACKED US SODAS.

DO YOU, LIKE, WANT ONE?

>> LIKE, OKAY.

>> TWO SODAS, LIKE, COMING

RIGHT UP OR WHATEVER.

HERE.

>> THANKS.

HMM.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ SIGHS ]

LIKE, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO

DRINK SODA WHEN IT'S, LIKE,

TRAPPED INSIDE THESE WEIRD GLASS

THINGIES?

>> [ GROANING ]

I DON'T KNOW, BUT THIS IS,

LIKE, TOTALLY ALL THE

GOVERNMENT'S FAULT, PROBABLY.

[ GROANS ]

I AM SOOO UPSET RIGHT NOW.

>> I KNOW!

ME TOO!

LIFE IS SO HARD SOMETIMES,

STACEY!

[ RUMBLING ]

>> Both: HUH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, MAYBE I

CAN HELP!

>> Both: UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, IT'S

ME.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET MY

ASSOCIATES -- BIG BAD BELLY BAG,

MR. GUS,

GIANT REALISTIC FLYING TIGER,

AND PIZZA STEVE.

>> Pizza Steve: UNCLE G, DO YOU

MIND?

I KIND OF HAVE A BIG BOSS ON MY

HANDS HERE.

>> Both: HI, PIZZA STEVE!

>> Pizza Steve: WAIT. WHAT?

[ BOTH GIGGLE ]

>> Pizza Steve: AYE CHI-WA-WOW.

>> Uncle Grandpa: ALL RIGHT!

IT'S TIME TO OPEN UP THOSE SODA

BOTTLES!

>> Both: YAY!

>> Pizza Steve: WAIT! UNCLE G!

UH...YOU GOT TO LET PIZZA STEVE

HANDLE THIS ONE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS A TOUGH JOB.

ARE YOU SURE, PIZZA STEVE?

>> Mr. Gus: HE COULD HURT

HIMSELF, UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Pizza Steve: ZIP IT,

DINO BONES!

PIZZA STEVE'S GOT THIS!

HAVE NO FEAR!

PIZZA STEVE IS HERE!

AND, LADIES, YOUR PROBLEMS ARE

OVER!

OH, YEAH!

LET'S DO THIS!

BR-R-R-RUP! BR-R-R-RUP!

BUP! BUP!

LET THE SODA PARTY BEGIN!

[ GRUNTING ]

ALMOST...

THERE!

AAH!

NYAAAAH!

HEY!

WHAT THE --

WAIT. WHAT?

UNH!

>> Mr. Gus: ONE FOR YOU.

AND ONE FOR YOU.

YOU OKAY, LIL' CHEESE?

>> HA HA!

LIL' CHEESE!

>> [ SPITS ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Mr. Gus: LIL' CHEESE?

>> Pizza Steve: MR. GUS, YOUARE

A --

>> BIG STRONG DINOSAUR MAN!

YOU'RE, LIKE, TOTALLY OUR HERO!

COME HANG OUT WITH US!

>> Pizza Steve: [ SIGHS ]

AND SO, IN LIGHT OF THE SODA-POP

INCIDENT AT THE BEACH, I HAVE

COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT

MR. GUS IS SUPERIOR TO

PIZZA STEVE IN EVERY WHICH WAY

POSSIBLE.

WHOA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY,

PIZZA STEVE!

WHAT YOU DOING?

>> Pizza Steve: DAH!

[ STAMMERING ]

N-N-NOTHING.

WHY? WHAT'S UP?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WANT TO GO DIG

A HOLE?

>> NORMALLY I WOULD LOVE TO,

UNCLE G, BUT I CAN'T RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I, UH -- UH...

>> Uncle Grandpa: BECAUSE YOU'RE

WRITING IN YOUR DIARY?

>> Pizza Steve: AAH!

NOPE. THAT'S NOT MY DIARY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S NOT?

>> Pizza Steve: NO!

IT'S "PETER PAN," BRO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH!

I LOVE THAT STORY!

SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION.

>> Pizza Steve: NO PROBLEMO.

WHEW!

[ EXPLOSION, RUMBLING ]

WHOA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: PIZZA STEVE!

I HIT A GAS LINE!

I NEED YOUR HELP!

>> Pizza Steve: AW, COME ON,

MAN!

[ GRUNTS ]

[ WATCHING BEEPING ]

>> Mr. Gus: UH-OH! 9:00.

IT'S BATH/READING TIME!

HMM?

"PETER PAN"?

I LOVE THIS STORY!

BATH TIME'S ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE

LOT MORE FUN THANKS TO

TINKERBELL AND FRIENDS.

>> Pizza Steve: [ COUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: THANKS,

PIZZA STEVE!

>> Pizza Steve: NOW TO FINISH

WRITING ABOUT HOW PATHETIC I AM

IN MY DIARY THAT I LEFT RIGHT

HERE.

AAAAH!

MR. GUS! MR. GUS!

MR. GUS! WAIT!

>> Mr. Gus: PIZZA STEVE, YOU

KNOW DANG WELL THAT MY ALLOTTED

BATHROOM TIME BEGINS AT 9:00.

>> Pizza Steve: I KNOW, BRO!

BUT -- BUT -- BUT YOU TOOK MY

BOOK!

>> Mr. Gus: UPON COMPLETION OF

MY BUBBLE BATH, I SHALL

RELINQUISH THE BOOK.

BUT UNTIL THEN, I'M GONNA SOAK

IN THE TUB AND ESCAPE TO

J.M. BARRIE'S ENCHANTING WORLD

OF NEVERLAND.

>> Pizza Steve: BUT, MR. GUS --

[ Thinking ] OH, NO!

MR. GUS HAS MY SECRET DIARY!

HE'S GONNA KNOW ALL OF

PIZZA STEVE'S MOST EMBARRASSING

SECRETS!

I'D BETTER HATCH A PLAN, QUICK.

[ SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Mr. Gus: MMM-HMM!

TIME TO GET THE PARTY STARTED!

MAN, I'M SO EXCITED!

BUT BEFORE I BEGIN, I'M JUST

GONNA ADMIRE THE COVER FOR A

FEW MINUTES.

MMM. YEAH.

>> SLEEP...MODE.

>> Pizza Steve: [CLEARS THROAT]

IT'S GONNA TAKE A TINY MIRACLE

TO BUST DOWN THE BATHROOM DOOR

AND DISTRACT MR. GUS SO

PIZZA STEVE CAN GET HIS SECRET

DIARY BACK!

>> DID SOMEBODY SAY TINY M--

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I DID!

COME ON! MOVE IT! LET'S GO!

>> Mr. Gus: AND NOW TO OPEN THE

COVER.

HUH? WHAT THE --

>> ♪ TINY MIRACLE ♪

♪ THE ROBOT BOY ♪

>> Mr. Gus: TINY MIRACLE?

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME --

>> LOOK AT ME!

>> Mr. Gus: GET BACK HERE!

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING?

>> CREATING A DIVERSION.

>> Mr. Gus: DIVERSION?

FROM WHAT?

PIZZA STEVE!

THANKS FOR PICKING THAT UP FOR

ME.

>> Pizza Steve: OHH! UNH!

[ HAMMERING ]

>> Mr. Gus: THAT OUGHT TO DO THE

TRICK.

AHH!

SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING,

PETER PAN.

UH...

WAIT. WHERE MY GLASSES AT?

>> Pizza Steve: THEY SHOULD'VE

CALLED ME PIZZA SMOOTH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: UNCLE GRANDPA

SMASH!

[ GRUNTS ]

YES!

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, UNCLE G,

SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT CAN YOU

SMASH THESE INTO A MILLION

PIECES FOR ME?

>> Uncle Grandpa: ABSOLUTELY,

PIZZA STEVE.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

THESE LOOK LIKE MR. GUS'

READING GLASSES.

>> NO, THESE THINGS WERE SENT

HERE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION.

THEY'RE PURE EVIL.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YIKES!

THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE, THEN!

[ SPITS ]

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

1, 2 --

[ RUMBLING ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ ROARING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: DANG IT.

I LOST COUNT.

>> Mr. Gus: PIZZA STEVE!

GIVE ME BACK MY GLASSES RIGHT

NOW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUT,

PIZZA STEVE, YOU SAID --

>> Pizza Steve: NEVER MIND WHAT

I SAID!

GIVE ME THAT HAMMER!

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Mr. Gus: HMPH!

[ SIGHS ]

UNCLE GRANDPA, CAN YOU DO ME A

FAVOR AND KEEP PIZZA STEVE OUT

OF TROUBLE FOR ONE HOUR?

>> Uncle Grandpa: SURE THING,

MR. GUS.

>> Mr. Gus: THANKS.

DON'T LET HIM LEAVE THIS SPOT

NOW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU HAVE MY

WORD.

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, UNCLE G,

I'M GONNA GO DRIVE THE RV.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HAVE FUN,

PIZZA STEVE.

>> Pizza Steve: LATER, BRO.

FUN FACT!

YOU CAN'T TAKE A BATH WITHOUT

WATER.

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

>> Mr. Gus: AAAH!

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Pizza Steve: LOOKS LIKE

BATH TIME'S UP.

>> Mr. Gus: NO.

I'M STILL TAKING MY BATH, AND

I'M STILL GONNA READ

"PETER PAN."

AND IT'S HAPPENING THIS TIME.

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE LOCKED IN

HERE UNTIL I'M DONE.

>> Pizza Steve: BUT, MR. GUS,

YOU CAN'T READ THAT BOOK!

MR. GUS!

MR. GUS!

>> Mr. Gus: [ HUMMING ]

>> Pizza Steve: OH, THIS IS NOT

GOOD!

MR. GUS IS GONNA READ ALL OF

PIZZA STEVE'S MOST EMBARRASSING

SECRETS!

ALL OF PIZZA STEVE'S MOST

INTIMATE INNER THOUGHTS!

THERE'S GOT TO BE AT LEAST 100

PAGES IN THAT DIARY WHERE

PIZZA STEVE ADMITS THAT HE

WISHES HE COULD BE MORE LIKE

MR. GUS!

AAAAAAAAAH!

[ LOCK CLICKS ]

>> Mr. Gus: I'M DONE WITH MY

BUBBLE BATH.

PIZZA STEVE, ABOUT YOUR BOOK...

>> Pizza Steve: SAVE YOUR

BREATH, MR. GUS.

THERE'S NO NEED TO MOCK ME!

NOW THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING

ABOUT ME -- ALL THE SLEEPLESS

NIGHTS WHERE I FANTASIZED ABOUT

BEING A MUSCLE MAN LIKE YOU!

PIZZA STEVE'S GOT NOTHING ON

MR. GUS AND HIS "STRAPPING,

GREEN PHYSIQUE!"

COULD YOU BELIEVE THE HUNDRED

PAGES WHERE I ADMITTED THAT ALL

MY GIRLFRIENDS I EVER HAD IN MY

ENTIRE LIFE WERE TOTALLY

IMAGINARY?

AND HOW ABOUT THE ENTRY WHERE I

ADMITTED THAT THE REAL REASON I

WEAR THESE COOL-GUY SHADES IS TO

HIDE THE CONSTANT FLOW OF

TEARS?!

YOU KNOW IT ALL NOW!

PIZZA STEVE'S A TOTAL TRAIN

WRECK.

>> Mr. Gus: IF IT MAKES YOU

FEEL ANY BETTER, I DIDN'T

ACTUALLY READ A SINGLE WORLD OF

THIS THING.

>> Pizza Steve: HUH?

SAY WHAT?

>> Mr. Gus: YOUR DESPERATE

ANTICS SOAKED IT, COVER TO

COVER.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, THERE'S NO

WAY ANYONE COULD READ A BOOK

WITH INK THISSMEARED.

>> Pizza Steve: [ GRUNTS ]

HEY, MR. GUS?

>> Mr. Gus: YEAH?

>> Pizza Steve: YOU KNOW ALL

THAT STUFF I JUST TOLD YOU ABOUT

MY DIARY?

>> Mr. Gus: UH-HUH.

>> Pizza Steve: WELL, I WAS...

JUST KIDDING!

L-L-L-LATER, BROS!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HI!

UNCLE GRANDPA HERE, AND I'M

ABOUT TO SHOW YOU AN AMAZING NEW

PRODUCT THAT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE

THE WAY YOU LIVE.

INTRODUCING SQUIRREL SWEATERS!

THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR YOUR COLD

SQUIRRELS.

YOUR SQUIRREL WANTS TO GO

OUTSIDE, BUT IT'S TOO COLD!

AND YOUR OTHER SQUIRREL WANTS TO

GO INSIDE, BUT IT'S ALSO TOO

COLD!

BUT WITH SQUIRREL SWEATERS,

MOTHER NATURE'S ICY CHILL SEEMS

BEARABLE!

AND SAY BYE-BYE TO

THROUGH-THE-ROOF HEATING BILLS.

THESE SWEATERS PACK ALL THE HEAT

YOU'LL NEED.

AND THERE'S EVEN A SWEATER TO

FIT EVERY SQUIRREL PERSONALITY!

FORMAL, CASUAL, BUSINESS CASUAL,

HOLIDAY, TIGER, '80s TV DAD,

'90s TEENAGER, SEE-THROUGH,

SPORTS FAN, UNCLE GRANDPA FAN,

PLUS SIZE, AND PINK.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

SQUIRREL SWEATERS ARE ALSO GREAT

FOR ABSORBING SPILLS, STORING

LEFTOVERS, IGNORING CALLS,

ZIPLINING, TARGET PRACTICE, EVEN

PATCHING DAMAGED INTERPERSONAL

RELATIONSHIPS.

[ TING! ]

AND IF YOU ORDER YOUR

SQUIRREL SWEATER WITHIN THE NEXT

22 SECONDS, WE'LL THROW IN NOT

ONE BUT TWO POSSUM PONCHOS,

TO KEEP YOUR POSSUMS DRY IN EVEN

THE WETTEST RAIN!

SO ORDER WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!

>> UNCLE GRANDPA IS NOT

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIEWS OR

OPINIONS OF THIS PARTICULAR

PRODUCT.

MAY CAUSE CRAMPING OR INTENSE

NAUSEA.

ANY IRRITATIONS TO YOUR SKIN

PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN

IMMEDIATELY.