Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOW, THIS IS

WHAT I CALL A HEADSTAND!

[ GROANS ] UNCLE GRANDPA STYLE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Mr. Gus: I CAN'T BREATHE, I

CAN'T BREATHE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: ALLEY-OOP!

AND NOW FOR SOME BUBBLEGUM

BALLOON ANIMALS.

[ CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! ]

[ CREAK! ]

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

A GIRAFFE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: A FAT, SMELLY

RHINO!

>> Pizza Steve: [ SPIT! ]

[ LAUGHING ]

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: A GRUMPY

DINOSAUR!

>> Mr. Gus: HEH, HEH.

GOT TO ADMIT THAT'S PRETTY

FUNNY.

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: A GIANT,

REALISTIC, FLYING TIGER!

>> GRFT: [ LAUGHING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, GUYS,

I'D LIKE TO STAY HERE AND KEEP

THE LAUGHS GOING, BUT I HAVE TO

CUT THINGS SHORT.

>> All: AW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OTHERWISE, I'M

GONNA BE LATE FOR MY APPOINTMENT

WITH LITTLE JACKIE.

AND I'M NEVER LATE WHEN IT COMES

TO HELPING KIDS!

IT'S KIND OF MY POLICY.

[ KNUCKLES CRACK ]

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, I'M

SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING THE R.V.

RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME

MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT THAT

POLICY.

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: LOOKS LIKE

THIS GLASS SAVED MY --

UH-OH.

[ SCREAMS ]

[ BONK! ]

[ GROANS, GASPS ]

>> UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING,

JACKIE!

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM

THAT I CAN PROVIDE A SOLUTION

TO?

>> I DON'T GO BY JACKIE.

I PREFER JACQUELINE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, OKAY,

JACQUELINE.

GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE.

THAT WAS A QUICK FIX.

AND WITH ENOUGH TIME TO WAX MY

COIN COLLECTION.

>> ACTUALLY, SOME BOZO DECIDED

TO THROW BUBBLE GUM ALL OVER MY

BOOK BAG WHILE I WAS WALKING

HOME FROM SCHOOL.

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

NOW I CAN'T OPEN IT UP TO DO MY

HONORS ALGEBRA HOMEWORK.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, LET ME

TAKE A LOOK-SEE SO YOU CAN GET

TO YOUR BOOKSIES!

[ INHALING SHARPLY ]

[ CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! ]

HERE YOU GO.

>> UH, THANKS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND YOUR

BUBBLE GUM.

>> YUCK!

[ SNAP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GUESS I GOT

YOU OUT OF THAT STICKY

SITUATION?

[ RIM SHOT ]

>> IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?

>> Uncle Grandpa: SURE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

>> HUMOR IS A SIGN OF

IMMATURITY, AND I'M TOO OLD FOR

THAT KID STUFF.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE

SOME MATH PROBLEMS TO WORK ON.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WAIT A SECOND.

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

BUT I THOUGHT EVERYONELOVES TO

LAUGH.

>> UH, NOT ME.

>> Uncle Grandpa: SO YOU DON'T

LIKE LAUGHING UNTIL YOUR CHEEKS

HURT OR YOUR BELLY'S SORE OR

YOUR EYES WATER?

>> NO. LAUGHING'S NOT MY THING.

KIND OF MY POLICY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL THAT'S

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING

REALLY SUPER-DUPER FUNNY TO

LAUGH AT.

>> Uncle Grandpa 2: AND THAT'S

WHERE I COME IN.

I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THANKS,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa 2: ANYTIME,

BUD.

NOW PREPARE TO LAUGH!

>> IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OF COURSE.

LAUGHING IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF

LIFE!

[ AUDIO FEEDBACK ]

EVERYBODY LIKES STAND-UP COMEDY,

ESPECIALLY FROM A STAND-UP GUY

LIKE ME.

>> Belly Bag: UH, UNCLE GRANDPA,

YOU'RE SITTING DOWN.

>> Uncle Grandpa: PRETTY IRONIC,

HUH?

>> DO YOU SEE ME LAUGHING?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOW ABOUT SOME

GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED

VENTRILOQUISM?

>> Uncle Grandpa 2: GOOD

MORNING!

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

>> I CAN TOTALLY SEE YOUR MOUTH

MOVING.

>> Uncle Grandpa 2: AW, REALLY?

[ ALL SIGH ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY, OKAY.

WELL, UH, I GOT IT.

IMPRESSIONS!

EVERYONE LOVES IMPRESSIONS.

OKAY, OKAY.

HERE'S AN IMPRESSION OF -- GET

THIS -- JACK "DICKLESON" HAVING

A CONVERSATION WITH THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

[ DRUMROLL ]

[ TINK! TINK! ]

[ Normal voice ] GOOD MORNING!

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

I GUESS IMPRESSIONS AREN'T ONE

OF MY STRONG SUITS.

BUT THIS IS. EH?

>> MNH-MNH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: PRATFALLS?

[ GROANS ]

>> HECK.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTS ]

[ FARTING NOISE ]

EAR FARTS?

>> BUSH LEAGUE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ WHISTLING ]

[ WHIP! ] AAH!

BANANA SPLITS?

>> LAME.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GROANING ]

TONGUE TWISTER?

>> KID STUFF.

[ BEES BUZZING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: BEE TRAINING?

>> NOPE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: ♪ FALSETTO R&B

SINGING? ♪

>> NO.

[ SAXOPHONE PLAYS ]

[ POP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: JAZZ MUSIC?

>> NO.

[ DRUMBEAT ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOW ABOUT

THIS?

>> NO!

>> Uncle Grandpa: TURTLE

SURFING?

>> NO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: BIRD-WATCHING?

>> NO!

[ FLUTE PLAYS ]

NO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THIS THING?

>> NO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GROANS ]

[ POP! ]

>> NO.

NO!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ NEIGHS ]

>> NO!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ PANTING ]

NOT ONE LAUGH?!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THAT WAS MY BEST MATERIAL!

>> Belly Bag: MAYBE SHE JUST

ISN'T FEELING WELL.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM.

YOU'VE GOT A POINT, BELLY BAG.

NOT BEING ABLE TO LAUGH CAN BE A

REALLY SERIOUS MEDICAL ISSUE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A LOOK

INSIDE WITH ONE OF THESE BAD

BOYS!

>> A PORTABLE X-RAY MACHINE?

IS THAT EVEN SAFE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OF COURSE IT

IS!

[ X-RAY MACHINE BEEPS ]

[ WHIP! ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]

AS YOU CAN SEE, ALL MY

LAUGHTER'S KEPT ME IN TIP-TOP

SHAPE!

>> Belly Bag: EVERYTHING'S

A-OKAY HERE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM?

>> SEE? I'M FINE.

NOW CAN I GET BACK TO MY

HOMEWORK?

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S VERY

DIFFICULT TO MAKE THINGS OUT AT

THIS RESOLUTION.

GONNA NEED TO ZOOM IN A BIT.

ENHANCE IMAGE 20%.

[ X-RAY MACHINE BEEPING ]

[ X-RAY MACHINE CLICKING ]

PAN RIGHT. TRACK 45 LEFT.

[ X-RAY MACHINE CLICKING ]

[ SLURP! ]

ENHANCE 15 TO 23.

[ X-RAY MACHINE CLICKING ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ WHIP! ]

HUH? WAIT A SECOND.

>> OKAY, ARE YOU DONE YET?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HANG ON!

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE! I KNEW IT!

>> WHAT?

IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR

STUPID JOKES?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, THEY'RE

EVERYWHERE!

YOU'VE GOT A CASE OF LAUGH

GREMLINS!

>> LAUGH GREMLINS?

THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE

EVER HEARD.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO, LAUGH

GREMLINS ARE REAL, AND THEY

DEVELOP IN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU

HOLD BACK YOUR LAUGHTER!

[ POP! ]

>> HOLDING BACK MY LAUGHTER?

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH. YOU'VE

BEEN LAUGHING ON THE INSIDE.

AND FROM THE LOOKS OF IT, YOU

MUST HAVE THOUSANDS OF LAUGH

GREMLINS CRAWLING INSIDE OF YOU!

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA, DO

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT I REALLY

AM FUNNY!

>> Belly Bag: NO!

IT MEANS THAT IF YOU MAKE JUST

ONE MORE JOKE, SHE'LL BLOW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, MY GOSH,

YOU'RE RIGHT!

[ SCREECH! ]

NOBODY MAKE A SINGLE JOKE!

I MEAN IT! NO FUNNY STUFF!

>> UNCLE GRANDPA, YOU'RE THE

ONLY ONE WHO'S BEEN CRACKING

JOKES.

>> Uncle Grandpa: BETTER THAN

CRACKING YOLKS!

[ RIM SHOT ]

[ GASPS ]

>> [ GULPS ]

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

[ GROANING ]

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

[ RUMBLING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, NO!

>> TOO MANY...

JO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-KES!

[ RUMBLING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, NO!

>> MY ICE CREAM!

>> OH, DEAR!

[ SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHOA!

MY PACEMAKER CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

[ CREAK! ]

>> HUH?

[ CHOMP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

AAH!

>> [ STAMMERING ]

[ CHOMP! WHIP! ]

GET OUT OF THERE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> UNCLE GRANDPA, THESE GREMLINS

ARE DESTROYING THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

MY MOM IS GONNA GET SO MAD AT

ME.

THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOT AS FUNNY

AS YOU LOOK WITH A GREMLIN IN

YOUR HAIR.

>> HUH?

>> [ GROWLS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

[ POP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: WAIT A SECOND!

DID YOU JUST LAUGH?

>> YEAH, I-I THINK SO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT'S IT!

YOUR LAUGHING OUT LOUD DESTROYS

THE GREMLINS!

>> BUT I CAN'T POSSIBLY LAUGH

LONG ENOUGH TO DESTROY THEM ALL.

THERE'S TOO MANY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: THERE'S ONLY

ONE WAY TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

NONSTOP -- LAUGHING GAS!

>> LAUGHING GAS?

BUT WHERE ARE YOU GONNA FIND

THE -- WHA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I NEED YOU TO

INHALE THIS.

[ FARTING NOISES ]

>> BUT THAT'S NOT --

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DON'T HAVE

TIME TO EXPLAIN.

>> [ SNIFFING ]

UGH!

IT SMELLS LIKE SOCKS AND

BROCCOLI.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH.

I HAD SOCKS AND BROCCOLI FOR

LUNCH.

>> THAT'S DISGUSTING!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! ]

>> [ SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! ]

>> [ LAUGHING ]

[ FARTING NOISES ]

>> [ SCREAMS ]

[ POP! ]

THAT'S MUCH BETTER.

>> [ LAUGHS ] IT'S WORKING!

[ POP! POP! ]

[ LAUGHING ]

[ POP! ]

>> I HATE MY JOB.

>> [ LAUGHING ]

[ POP! POP! POP! ]

[ POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! ]

[ POP! POP! POP! ]

[ POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU DID IT!

>> I DID!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M SO PROUD

OF YOU, JACQUELINE!

>> THANKS, UNCLE GRANDPA.

I LEARNED THAT LAUGHING IS A

NATURAL PART OF LIFE AND THAT

IT'S NOT NECESSARILY A SIGN OF

IMMATURITY AND CAN ACTUALLY SAVE

PEOPLE'S LIVES!

NO?

WELL, I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE

LESSON I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEARN.

>> [ CHOMP! ]

>> UNCLE GRANDPA, QUICK!

I NEED SOME LAUGHING GAS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ SHUDDERING ]

[ WHISTLE! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M ALL OUT!

>> WELL, THEN, TELL A JOKE OR

SOMETHING -- SOMETHING

HILARIOUS!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DON'T REALLY

DO WELL UNDER PRESSURE, UH, BUT

OKAY.

SOMETHING HILARIOUS. UH...

[ CREAK! ]

[ DING! ]

[ GASPS ]

WHAT DO YOU CALL A FISH WITH NO

EYE?

>> I DON'T KNOW! WHAT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: A F-SH!

>> I DON'T GET IT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THINK ABOUT

IT.

F-SH!

>> OH! I GET IT!

F-SH!

A FISH WITHOUT AN "I."

[ RIM SHOT ]

THAT'S FUNNY. [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

UH-OH.

>> Both: WE DID IT!

>> THANKS TO YOUR LAUGHING GAS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: ACTUALLY, IT

WAS ALL YOU, JACKIE -- I MEAN

JACQUELINE.

>> ACTUALLY, I PREFER JACKIE.

[ LAUGHS ] WACKY JACKIE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: AW YEAH!

[ BANJO PLAYS ]

>> Both: GOOD MORNING.

>> WELCOME TO A REVOLUTIONARY

FITNESS PROGRAM KNOWN AS

GRANDPA CIZE, STARRING EVERYONE

IN THE WORLD'S UNCLE AND

GRANDPA, UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD

MORNING!

HEY, GUYS, HOPE YOU'RE READY TO

GET FIT WITH ME.

YEAH, YEAH! LET'S DO IT!

UH-HUH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OKAY. YEAH!

[ GROANS ]

2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

UH...OKAY!

UH-HUH!

[ GROANS ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GROANING ]

YEAH!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: HERE'S WHERE

IT GETS HARD, BUT I BELIEVE IN

YOU.

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GROANING ]

THAT'S THE WAY TO SWEAT, BOYS.

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GROANS ]

YEAH!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH!

FEEL THE BURN!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: SWEAT IT OUT,

BOYS, SWEAT IT OUT!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: FEEL THE BUR--

>> Pizza Steve: MR. GUS!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]

HOW DARE YOU START GRANDPA CIZE

WITHOUT ME?

[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: 3, 4.

[ GROANS ] YEAH!

[ GROANS ]

NOW GO HIT THE SHOWERS!

>> All: GOOD MORNING!

[ POP! CHOMP! ]

[ GULP! ] AHH!

[ POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! ]

GOOD MORNING!