Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> WHOO HOO!

DOO, DO-DO DO-DO DOO DO DOO!

YEAH!

[ LAUGHS ]

[ CRASH! ]

HUH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING,

ZACH!

>> UNCLE GRANDPA?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY MIRROR?

>> Uncle Grandpa: I WAS JUST

REFLECTING ON THE POSSIBILITIES

OF HELPING YOU BECOME A

ROCK STAR.

SO STOP PLUCKING AROUND ON THAT

AXE, 'CAUSE WE'RE GOING TO

SPACE.

>> SPACE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: ALL ROCK STARS

COME FROM SPACE.

THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SPACED OUT

ALL THE TIME.

SO, FIRST WE GET OUR SPACE SUITS

ON, THEN WE FLY TO THE NEAREST

STAR -- NOT THE SUN.

UH, I'M KIND OF BANNED FROM THAT

FOR A WHILE.

>> BUT UNCLE GRANDPA, I'VE

ALREADY GOT WHAT I NEED -- A

SWEET ELECTRIC GUITAR!

>> Uncle Grandpa: MAPLE TOP,

HUMBUCKER PICK-UPS, ROSEWOOD

FINGERBOARD, PEARL INLAYS,

ANGLED HEADSTOCK WITH

GOLD-PLATED HARDWARE?

IMPRESSIVE.

BUT HOW DID YOU GET IT?

>> Aunt Grandma: IT WAS A GIFT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND IT CAN

TALK?

>> Aunt Grandma: OVER HERE, OLD

MAN.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHA--?

>> Aunt Grandma: I'M YOUR

AUNT GRANDMA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHOA!

IT'S LIKE LOOKING IN A MIRROR.

>> Aunt Grandma: THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M EVERYONE IN THE WORLD'S

PRACTICAL AUNT AND GRANDMA.

MUCH LIKE YOU, I HELP KIDS WITH

THEIR PROBLEMS.

EXCEPT I'M FASTER, SMARTER, AND,

LET'S FACE IT, CUTER.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, I'M CUTE!

>> Aunt Grandma: I GAVE LITTLE

ZACHY JUST WHAT HE WANTED

WITHOUT DRAGGING HIM ON SOME

POINTLESS ADVENTURE.

>> I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEARN

A THING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AW, COME ON,

ZACH.

WHY GOT TO DO ME LIKE THAT?

>> Aunt Grandma: WELL, I'M OFF

TO HELP MORE KIDS.

BEAUTIFUL MORNING.

>> BYE, AUNT GRANDMA!

THANKS FOR THE GUITAR!

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

>> Pizza Steve: WHO WAS THAT?

>> [ SIGHS ]

AUNT GRANDMA.

>> Mr. Gus: THAT NAME DOESN'T

MAKE ANY SENSE.

HOW CAN YOU BE SOMEONE'S AUNT

AND GRANDMA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: I FEEL LIKE

I'VE MET HER BEFORE.

>> Belly Bag: NO TIME FOR

FORESHADOWING, UNCLE GRANDPA!

YOU HAVE A TWO O'CLOCK WITH

LITTLE HELGA IN SWEDEN.

>> OH, MAN.

I WISH I COULD PLAY.

[ RUMBLING ]

[ GASPS ]

[ CRACK! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY THERE,

HELGA!

I HEARD YOU WANT TO BE A HOCKEY

STAR!

>> WELL, NOT REALLY A

STAR.

I JUST NEED SOME EQUIPMENT SO I

CAN JOIN IN AND PLAY A GAME WITH

THEM.

Both: GOAL!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ MUMBLING ]

WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU,

UNCLE GRANDPA HAS THE PERFECT

PLAN TO GET YOU WHAT YOU NEED!

>> AN OVERSIZED CANDY

CANE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO WAY.

A SUPER-FUN ADVENTURE!

SO, FIRST WE'LL CLIMB TO THE TOP

OF THE TALLEST ICE MOUNTAIN.

AAAH!

THEN FIGHT A

PROFESSIONAL-HOCKEY-STAR

POLAR BEAR.

>> [ GROWLS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: SO, YOU READY

TO START THIS AWESOME -- HUH?

>> Aunt Grandma: HERE YOU GO,

HELGA.

COURTESY OF AUNT GRANDMA.

THAT'S ME.

[ TINK! ]

>> WHOA, AWESOME!

THANKS, AUNT GRANDMA!

>> Aunt Grandma: SIMPLE PROBLEM,

SIMPLE SOLUTION.

SOMETHING A SIMPLE-MINDED MAN

LIKE YOU JUST DOESN'T

UNDERSTAND.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, I

WOULDN'T SAY YOU SOLVED HER

PROBLEM.

I MEAN...

>> YES!

THANKS AGAIN, AUNT GRANDMA!

>> Aunt Grandma: YOU WERE

SAYING?

NOW, PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE SOME MORE KIDS TO HELP.

>> Mr. Gus: DON'T WORRY,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

WE'LL MAKE UP FOR IT WITH LITTLE

GREGORY.

[ SPLISH! ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

A PERFECT FISH BOWL WITH NO PET

FISH.

[ FOG HORN BLOWS ]

[ CREAK! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: AHOY, GREGORY!

ARE YOU READY TO HOP ABOARD ME

SHIP, THE S.S.U.G.,SAIL AS MY

FIRST MATE, AND MAKE THE CATCH

OF THE CENTURY?

>> UH...

>> Uncle Grandpa: ♪ IT'S TIME TO

CAST AWAY YOUR FEAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE UNCLE GRANDPA

IS HERE! ♪

>> All: ♪ LET'S SET SAIL FOR THE

SEVEN SEAS ♪

♪ WE WILL FIND A REMEDY ♪

♪ IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US,

JUST ASK MR. GUS ♪

>> Mr. Gus: HUH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: ♪ WE'LL LURE

AND BAIT A MAGIC HOOK ♪

♪ AND SURE AS FATE

WOULD HAVE IT, LOOK ♪

♪ FISHING IS SO FUN

TAKE IT FROM ME ♪

>> Uncle Grandpa #2: AND ME!

>> All: ♪ DON'T YOU WORRY,

IT WON'T BE BORI-I-I-I-NG ♪

WE'LL FIND YOU A NEW FISH

TODA-A-A-A-A-A-Y!

[ PANTING ]

>> Aunt Grandma: GREGORY, IS

THIS WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR?

>> WOW!

[ SPLASH! ]

THANKS, AUNT GRANDMA.

I'M GONNA NAME HIM AUNT GRANDMA.

AFTER YOU, AUNT GRANDMA.

>> Aunt Grandma: ANYTHING FOR MY

FAVORITE NEPHEW.

OH, HEY, UNCLE GRANDPA.

DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, NO.

NOT AGAIN.

>> Aunt Grandma: WELL, WELL,

WELL.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE PUT ON QUITE

THE SHOW.

BUT SHOWS DON'T SOLVE PROBLEMS.

AUNT GRANDMA DOES.

OH, WHOOPS!

DID I DO THAT?

[ FIZZLE! ]

TA-TA, UNCLE LAME-PA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S NO USE.

I JUST CAN'T COMPETE WITH HER.

JUST THE THOUGHT OF HELPING KIDS

WEIGHS ME DOWN, BECAUSE, KNOWING

ME, I'LL PROBABLY JUST SCREW IT

UP.

WHAT'S THE POINT ANYMORE?

I CAN'T SOLVE ANYONE'S PROBLEMS.

I'M A TANGLED, KNOTTED MESS

INSIDE.

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO HANG UP MY

SUSPENDERS.

>> Belly Bag: BUT UNCLE GRANDPA,

YOU JUST FIXED EVERYONE'S

PROBLEMS IN THE R.V.

SEE FOR YOURSELF.

>> Mr. Gus: THANKS,

UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Pizza Steve: YOU'RE A REAL

LIFESAVER, BRO.

>> Tiny Miracle: NOT TO MENTION

A MATHEMATICAL GENIUS.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DID ALL

THAT?

>> Belly Bag: YEAH!

YOU CAN'T HELP BUT HELP PEOPLE.

IT'S IN YOUR NATURE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND FOR ME TO

DENY MY NATURE WOULD MEAN I

WOULD NO LONGER BE

UNCLE GRANDPA.

AND UNCLE GRANDPA IS WHO I AM.

SO IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH

THAT, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL

WITH UNCLE GRANDPA.

AND I HELP KIDS THE ONLY WAY I

KNOW HOW, AND THAT IS THE

UNCLE GRANDPA WAY!

[ ALL CHEER ]

NOW WATCH OUT, WORLD, 'CAUSE I'M

GONNA HELP SOME KIDS!

>> LET'S SEE HERE...

NO! HORRIBLE!

>> Aunt Grandma: OH, HI, TOMMY.

HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE?

MAYBE YOUR AUNT GRANDMA CAN HELP

YOU OUT TODAY.

>> I REALLY WANT TO BE A FAMOUS

NOVELIST LIKE MY HEROES.

BUT I'VE BEEN TRAPPED INSIDE

THIS ROOM MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND

I'M AFRAID I'VE HIT A WRITER'S

BLOCK.

WHAT I NEED IS SOME INSPIRATION

AND ADVENTURE.

>> Aunt Grandma: WELL, FIRST

OFF, LET'S GET RID OF THOSE

CAVEMAN TOOLS YOU'RE USING AND

GET YOU WRITING ON THIS

BRAND-NEW, POWERMAX PRO LAPTOP.

>> OKAY, BUT I DON'T SEE WHAT

THIS HAS TO DO WITH ADVENTURE.

[ CRASH! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: DID SOMEBODY

SAY ADVENTURE?

WELL, THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY

MIDDLE NAME.

[ CRUNCH! ]

TOMMY, YOU READY FOR THE MOST

AMAZING EXPEDITION WITH YOUR

FAVORITE UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> H-H-HECK YEAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY!

[ SHATTER! ]

>> Aunt Grandma: WHAT DO YOU

THINK YOU'RE DOING?

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOING ON AN

ADVENTURE.

YOU CAN COME IF YOU WANT.

>> Aunt Grandma: BUT WHERE --

URGH, FINE!

I'M GOING TO LOVE WATCHING YOU

FAIL.

>> Uncle Grandpa: EVERYONE HAVE

THEIR SEAT BELTS ON?

>> Both: YES.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

SO, YOU SEE, TOMMY, ADVENTURE

ALL STARTS WITH IMAGINATION.

THERE IS THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN,

AND THE WORLD INSIDE YOUR MIND.

WHY BE AN ORDINARY ROCK STAR

WHEN YOU CAN ROCK ON A STAR

ROCK, ROCK STAR IN OUTER SPACE?

>> HUH?

OH, YEAH!

>> WOW, AMAZING!

I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, I KNOW.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE.

AND HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN A HOCKEY

GAME BETWEEN A GIRL AND A

PROFESSIONAL-HOCKEY-PLAYER

POLAR-BEAR MAN?

[ SMACK! ]

>> YES!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BECAUSE THAT

IS DEFINITELY POSSIBLE, TOO,

WITH THE POWER OF UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> YOU'RE SO RIGHT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: AND WHEN IT

COMES TO PETS THAT LIVE IN

WATER, WHY THINK SMALL WHEN YOU

COULD HAVE THE BIGGEST FISH IN

THE SEA?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: SO REMEMBER,

TOMMY, SOMETIMES ALL IT TAKES

IS A LITTLE MIND-BENDING

EXPERIENCE TO SEE THE WORLD IN A

WHOLE NEW WAY.

AND THAT'S THE UNCLE GRANDPA

WAY.

>> THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: SEE?

I AM GOOD AT HELPING PEOPLE!

>> Aunt Grandma: WELL YOU NEVER

HELPED ME.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASP! ]

IT'S YOU!

LITTLE PRISCILLA JONES!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEVER HELPED

YOU?

>> Aunt Grandma: WHEN I NEEDED

YOUR MAGIC THE MOST, YOU

REJECTED ME.

THE YEAR WAS 1993.

I WAS PUTTING THE FINISHING

TOUCHES ON MY SCIENCE-FAIR

PROJECT, WHEN SUDDENLY I WAS

VISITED BY YOU.

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING,

PRISCILLA!

YOU HACKY SACK?

IT'S MAD TIGHT.

A LITTLE HELP?

>> Aunt Grandma: THAT'S WHEN YOU

SHATTERED MY LIFE INTO A MILLION

PIECES.

>> MY PROJECT!

YOU RUINED IT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S ALL GOOD,

PRISCILLA.

>> NO, IT'S NOT.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIX IT,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: DON'T WORRY,

LITTLE MISSY.

UNCLE G KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO

HELP YOU.

COME ON!

>> Aunt Grandma: BUT YOU DIDN'T

HELP ME.

INSTEAD, YOU TOOK ME ON ONE OF

YOUR POINTLESS ADVENTURES,

PLAYING HACKY SACK WITH

MARTIANS.

WHICH LEFT ME WITH NO TIME TO

FIX MY PROJECT, RESULTING IN A

SECOND-PLACE FINISH AT THE

SCIENCE FAIR.

AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT AND I

HATED YOU FOR IT.

WHICH IS WHY I CHOSE TO ACTUALLY

HELP KIDS AS AUNT GRANDMA, SO

THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO ON YOUR

POINTLESS ADVENTURES.

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUT PRISCILLA,

I WAS HELPING YOU.

I WAS TRYING TO SHOW YOU THAT

ALL WORK AND NO FUN IS NO WAY TO

LIVE A LIFE.

OR WAS I JUST TEACHING HER

HACKY SACK?

I WAS REALLY INTO HACKY SACK.

THE POINT IS, YOU SHOULD HAVE

SOME FUN ONCE IN A WHILE, OR YOU

JUST MIGHT SNAP.

[ SNAP! ]

>> Aunt Grandma: YEAH?

HEH, I'LL SHOW YOU SOME SNAPS.

[ SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! ]

[ TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAAAAAA!

OOF!

[ POP! ]

[ GROANING ]

THAT DOES IT!

TIME TO UNLEASH THE BEAST.

AAAAH!

TIME OUT.

THIS KID'S GOT A VENDING MACHINE

IN HIS BEDROOM?

>> Aunt Grandma: [ GRUNTS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I SAID TIME

OUT!

[ CRASH! ]

SHE'S SO FAST!

PROTECT ME, DELICIOUS SNACKS!

[ WHAP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: HERE, LOOK.

>> Aunt Grandma: AAAGH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OLDEST TRICK

IN THE BOOK.

>> Aunt Grandma: HYAH!

[ CRASH! ]

>> Aunt Grandma: NO MORE

GRANDMA NICE GUY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTING ]

BRING IT ON! UGH!

BRING IT -- UGH!

BRI-- UGH!

ALL RIGHT ALREADY!

YOU WANT TO HIT MY FACE?

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS?

[ WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! ]

[ BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY ]

[ AUNT GRANDMA SCREAMS ]

>> Mr. Gus: SOMEONE REALLY

SHOULD STOP THIS FIGHT.

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH, SOMEBODY

SHOULD.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AH! AH! AH!

>> Aunt Grandma: AAAAH!

UNCLE! UNCLE! UNCLE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT'S RIGHT!

UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Aunt Grandma: OKAY.

OKAY, YOU WIN.

SHAKE ON IT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, WE'VE

BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, I DON'T

SEE WHY NOT.

>> Aunt Grandma: HA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HUH?

[ RIP! ]

NO!

>> Aunt Grandma: I'VE GOT YOUR

MUSTACHE!

NOW I'M UNCLE GRANDPA.

[ LAUGHS CRAZILY ]

VICTORY IS MINE!

[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: THERE GOES A

TROUBLED WOMAN.

[ SQUEAK! PBHT! ]

>> Mr. Gus: I HAVE A FEELING

THIS WON'T BE THE LAST TIME

WE'LL SEE HER.

>> Pizza Steve: WELL, ONE

THING'S FOR CERTAIN -- UNCLE G

TOTALLY KICKED HER BUTT!

UP TOP, UNCLE G.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU KNOW I'D

NEVER PASS UP A HIGH FIVE,

PIZZA STEVE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY,

EVERY SINGLE BONE IN MY BODY IS

BROKEN.

[ FIZZLE! ]