Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YO, YO, YO,

YO, YO!

WHAT UP?!

IT'S YOUR BOY, UNCLE GRANDPA!

WELCOME TO MY CRIB ANDMY RIDE!

MY LIFESTYLE IS CRAZY-FAT

AWESOME!

YO, BELLY BAG!

READY TO HELP ME MAKE ALL THE

PEOPLE WATCHING AT HOME FEEL

MAD-JEALOUS ABOUT HOW WE LIVE?

>> Belly Bag: YEAH, BOY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YO, YO,

ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GO INSIDE!

[ LAUGHING ]

SO, UH, THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE

LIVIN' ROOM!

THE LIVIN' ROOM IS WHERE I

LIVE IT UP!

YO!

JUST LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF THAT

I HAVE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE.

AM FM DVD VCR TV ENTERTAINMENT

CENTER.

GIANT REALISTIC FLYING TIGER.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: PIPE WITH A

LADDER STICKIN' OUT OF IT.

SIX -- COUNT 'EM, 1, 2, 3 -- SIX

DIFFERENT KINDS OF MUSTARD!

FRANKENSTEIN!

>> RAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: ABE LINCOLN

POSTER SIGNED BY

GEORGE WASHINGTON.

BUT YOU ALL AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN'

UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN MY MOST PRIZED

POSSESSION -- THIS TOASTER!

IT MAKES TOAST.

[ DING! ]

AW, YEAH!

SO, UH, THIS IS THE U.G. RV

COCKPIT.

ALMOST EVERY FUNCTION OF THE

U.G. RV IS CONTROLLED RIGHT HERE

ON THIS DASHBOARD.

YO! YO YO!

CHECK OUT ALL THE AWESOME

FEATURES, YO!

FRESHWATER FISH FINDER.

HAM RADIO!

DICE IN THE MIRROR.

FESTIVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

CARROT JAMMED IN THE IGNITION.

WITH TECHNOLOGY LIKE THIS, THE

U.G. RV PRACTICALLY DRIVES

ITSELF.

BUT RIGHT NOW, MY BOY

PIZZA STEVE IS HANDLIN' THE

WHEEL.

SO, WHERE WE HEADED, HOMESLICE?

>> Pizza Steve: ITALY, BRO!

>> Uncle Grandpa: LEANING TOWER

OF PIZZA?

>> Pizza Steve: YOU KNOW IT,

UNCLE G.!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WORD UP!

[ GRUNTING ]

THIS IS MR. GUS'S ROOM!

HE DOESN'T WANT US FILMIN' IN

HERE, BUT I WANT TO SHOW Y'ALL

SOMETHING.

Shh!

THIS IS MR. GUS'S SECRET

COLLECTION OF PRICELESS GEMMILL

FIGURINES.

MR. GUS PAYS TOP DOLLAR FOR

THESE AT ANTIQUE SHOWS.

EACH FIGURINE IS

PAINSTAKINGLY...

OOPS!

[ GRUNTING ]

HANDCRAFTED IN SCANDINAVIA...

[ GRUNTING ]

...LIMITED EDITION --

UNH!

HOPEFULLY, MR. GUS WON'T NOTICE.

>> Belly Bag: YEAH, BOY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ WHISTLING ]

>> Mr. Gus: MORNIN',

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, UH...

GOOD MORNIN', MR. GUS.

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING

WITH THAT CROWBAR?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, UH,

NOTHING.

GOT TO GO!

RAISE THE ROOF, Y'ALL!

THIS HERE IS THE U.G. RV

BATHROOM!

AND CHECK IT OUT -- I GOT THE

MAIN ATTRACTION RIGHT HERE --

THE TOILET!

THIS IS THE XW-2000 MODEL S.,

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE

WHITE DIAMOND.

[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

YOU WISHYOU HAD THIS KIND OF

WATER PRESSURE!

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA, WHY

ARE WE WASTING TIME IN THE

BATHROOM?!

THE SHOW'S ALMOST OVER!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH!

WE BETTER SHOW OFF ALL THE OTHER

ROOMS QUICK, THEN!

[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

CAMPFIRE ROOM!

GAME ROOM!

MY ROOM!

CITY ROOM!

ISLAND ROOM!

UNDERWATER ROOM!

IGLOO ROOM!

>> Narrator: WE NOW RETURN TO

"HOMEZ," FEATURING OUR SPECIAL

GUEST, UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: DANG.

I WISH I LIVED LIKE THAT GUY.

AND DIGGIN' A HOLE...

[ GRUNTING ]

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES, KIDS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WEIRD MAN!

WEIRD MAN!

HE'S THE WEIRDEST MAN!

WEIRD MAN!

GUYS, GUYS! LOOK, LOOK!

THE NEW ISSUE OF "WEIRD MAN"

IS OUT!

YOU GUYS WANT TO READ IT

WITH ME?

WEIRD MAN! WEIRD MAN!

THE WEIRDEST WEIRDO WEIRD MAN!

>> Mr. Gus: NOT RIGHT NOW,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

WE'RE WATCHING OUR FAVORITE

SHOW.

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH.

YOU'RE TOTALLY BLOCKING OUR

VIEW, UNCLE G.!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, UH, I AM?

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHOOPZILLA.

>> Belly Bag: I'LL READ IT WITH

YOU, UNCLE GRANDPA!

I LOVE WEIRD MAN!

>> Uncle Grandpa: REALLY?! OKAY!

WHOO-HOO!

>> ANNOUNCER: AND NOW BACK TO

"AMERICA'S WEIRDEST VIDEOS."

>> Uncle Grandpa: WEIRD MAN!

WEIRD MAN!

WHOO HOO! WEIRD MAN!

YEAH, YEAH, WEIRD MAN!

PAGE ONE.

"WEIRD MAN IS LOOKING FOR

CRIMINALS."

OOH! EXCITING!

>> GOLLY GOOBERS!

THAT MAN IS BEING ROBBED!

LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO GET

WEIRD!

>> PLEASE, SIR, DON'T HURT ME!

>> JUST HAND OVER YOUR MONEY.

>> HERE -- 500 BUCKS IS ALL THE

CASH I HAVE.

>> WHAT ELSE?!

>> MY WEDDING RING, MY $7,000

WATCH, AND SOME SILK POCKET

LINT.

>> JACKPOT!

>> HEY! YOU THERE!

DO YOU KNOW IT'S A CRIME IN THE

PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA TO

OWN A KNIFE WITH A BLADE LENGTH

OVER 3 INCHES?

>> BUT THIS IS NEW YORK CITY.

>> EXACTLY!

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU BE A GOOD

LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN AND PUT THE

KNIFE IN MY HANDS?

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME GET

REALLYWEIRD, DO YOU?

[ EXHALES ]

>> OKAY! OKAY!

JUST STOP BREATHING ON ME.

IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD!

>> THERE WE GO!

HYAH!

NOW, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOME

THINGS THAT BELONG TO THIS MAN.

GO ON -- RETURN THEM.

NOW, WHAT DO WE SAY?

HMM?

>> I'M -- I'M SORRY?

>> HOORAY!

[ LAUGHS ]

RUN ALONG NOW.

COME ON.

GET OUT OF HERE.

>> I'M OUT OF HERE!

>> IS EVERYTHING OKAY NOW, SIR?

>> UH, YES.

THANK YOU.

I'LL JUST...BE ON MY WAY.

WORK ISN'T GONNA FINISH ITSELF.

AAH! HE'S SO WEIRD!

>> ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR

WEIRD MAN!

>> Uncle Grandpa: "THE END."

>> Belly Bag: WOW,

UNCLE GRANDPA!

THAT WAS AWESOME!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I KNOW! RIGHT?

WEE!

WEE!

>> Mr. Gus: HUH?

>> Pizza Steve: SO, THERE I WAS,

AT THE SEMI-ANNUAL WORLD-FAMOUS

ITALIAN KARATE TOURNAMENT.

I MADE MY SIGNATURE SAUCE

ENTRANCE.

HYAH!

HOO! HA! HOO! HA! HOO!

HYAH!

OF COURSE, MY FANS WENT WILD.

THEN MY OPPONENT, SPAGHETTI AND

MEATBALLS, CAME OUT.

HE ONLY HAD THREE GRUMPY

DINOSAURS CHEERING FOR HIM.

AND SO IT BEGAN.

I WENT UP FOR A FLYING PEPPERONI

PUNCH!

THIS DUDE TRIED TO PUNCH ME?!

BUT I TOTALLY AVOIDED IT, AND

BAM! -- KARATE KICK TO THE

MEATHEAD!

THAT'S WHEN HOMIE GOT ANGRY!

HE JUMPED LIKE 40,000 MILES INTO

THE AIR TO DO SOME CRAZY SMASHER

PUNCH, BUTI TOTALLY AVOID IT

WITH MY PIZZA ROLL.

THIS DUMB-DUMB GOT HIS MEATHAND

STUCK IN THE GROUND, SO I RAN UP

HIS SPAGHETTI ARM, PULLED A

QUADRUPLE TRIPLE MEGA COMBO

NUMBER 7 WITH A SIDE OF

SAUCE-OME!

BABES WENT WILD!

GRUMPY DINOS WERE HATIN', AS

USUAL.

I DID SOME COOL HAND MOVEMENT I

SAW IN A MOVIE ONCE...

HOO!

...AND FOR SOME REASON, HE GOT

FURIOUS.

HE WAS ALL TRYING TO RAPID-FIRE

PUNCH ME, BUT IT WAS NO MATCH

FOR MY NIMBLE PIZZA REFLEXES.

THEN HE WAS GONNA TRY TO SWEEP

KICK ME.

HA HA HA!

BUT I BLOCKED IT.

NOW THAT I HAD HIM TOTALLY OFF

GUARD, I TRIED THIS COOL MOVE I

LEARNED IN A VIDEO GAME -- SOME

COOL BLUE FIRE FIST!

AND POW!

TOTAL K.O.!

BABES WENT WILD, AGAIN.

GRUMPSTERS WERE HATIN', AS USE.

BUT IT WASN'T OVER.

'CAUSE HE TRIED A SNEAK ATTACK!

A CRAZY SONIC BOOM!

AND CRASHED INTO THE WALL.

THIS DUDE DID A NUMBER ON ME.

AT THIS POINT, I THOUGHT IT WAS

PRETTY MUCH OVER.

HE WAS ABOUT CRUSH ME WITH HIS

MEATBALL FOOT!

BUT JUST THEN, I REMEMBERED WHAT

MY DOJO MASTER SAID TO ME THREE

DAYS AGO.

>> REMEMBER, PIZZA STEVEN, IN

ORDER TO DEFEAT YOUR OPPONENT,

YOU MUST EATYOUR OPPONENT.

[ SLURPING ]

>> Pizza Steve: OF COURSE!

IT MADE PERFECT SENSE.

NOW I WAS READY TO TAKE ON

MR. FOOD WITH ATTITUDE.

I LEAPT UP, GRABBED A STRING OF

SPAGHETTI, AND SLURPED UP THAT

BAD BOY!

[ MONSTER SCREAMING ]

PASTA LA VISTA, BABY.

HYAH!

I FINISHED HIM OFF.

[ BURPS ]

EVERYONE LOVED ME.

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

>> Mr. Gus: SO YOU DIDN'T JUST

EAT MY PLATE OF SPAGHETTI AND

MEATBALLS WHILE I WAS IN THE

BATHROOM?

>> Pizza Steve: NOPE.

I WAS AT AN ITALIAN KARATE

TOURNAMENT, BRO.

YOU GUYS WERE THERE, TOO.

ASK UNCLE G.

>> Mr. Gus: UNCLE GRANDPA, SET

THIS FOOL STRAIGHT.

WERE WE JUST AT AN ITALIAN

KARATE TOURNAMENT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DON'T KNOW.

PIZZA STEVE, WERE WE JUST AT AN

ITALIAN KARATE TOURNAMENT?

>> Pizza Steve: TOTALLY,

UNCLE G.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I GUESS WE

WERE, MR. GUS.

[ MICROWAVE BELL DINGS ]

>> Pizza Steve: SEE?!

I TOLD YOU! AND IT WAS EPIC!

YEAH, WELL, I STILL DON'T

BELIEVE IT.

LUCKY FOR YOU, I GOT SOME

LEFTOVER LASAGNA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ HUMMING ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa #2: AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa #3: [ LAUGHS ]

UNH!

OUCH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

>> Belly Bag: GOOD NIGHT.