Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> EASY DOES IT NOW.

THERE! ALL DONE!

OH, WAIT A SECOND.

AW, MAN!

I MADE MY BED WRONG AGAIN!

I CAN NEVER DO IT RIGHT!

OOH! OWWW!

[ GASPING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

OHH.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHINGCORRECTLY!

MAN, I'M TERRIBLE AT LIFE.

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

WHA? WHA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HUH.

GOTTA REMEMBER TO FIX THAT

E-BRAKE.

HUH? HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

THIS ISN'T THE SUBBY SANDWICH

SHOP.

AND YOU'RE NOT THE SANDWICH

CREATOR WHO MAKES MY TUNA-FISH

SANDWICH.

>> NO. I'M AUSTIN.

AND YOU JUST BUSTED INTO MY

ROOM, UNCLE GRANDPA!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU'RE

WELCOME.

SO, AUSTIN, HOW CAN

UNCLE GRANDPA HELP YOUTODAY?

>> WELL, I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT

ANYTHING, AND I AIN'T NEVER

DONE NOTHING RIGHT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I BELIEVE YOU

MEAN, "I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING

RIGHT."

WATCH THOSE DOUBLE NEGATIVES!

>> YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I WISH I WAS GOOD AT STUFF!

I WISH I WAS PERFECT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: THEN THERE'S

ONLY ONE THING TO DO!

>> YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BUCKLE

DOWN AND COMMIT TO BEING A

BETTER PERSON?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT?! PFFT!

NO!

I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO THE MOST

PERFECT THING EVER.

A ROBOT.

>> UH, UNCLE GRANDPA, WHY ARE

YOU LOOKING OVER THERE?

[ REEL CLICKING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: LET'S GET

PERFECT!

DON'T WORRY, AUSTIN.

THIS WON'T HURT A BIT.

[ SPLAT! ]

[ TOK! TOK! ]

[ SQUISH! ]

[ HAMMERING ]

[ SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! ]

[ GURGLING ]

[ CREAK! CREAK! ]

[ CRITTER SCREECHES ]

[ CRACK! ]

THERE WE GO!

SO, AUSTIN, WHAT DO YA THINK?

>> [ Robotically ] I AM

AUSTIN 2.0, THE MOST PERFECT

ROBOT.

MISSION TO DESTROY ALL

IMPERFECTIONS AND MAINTAIN

MAXIMUM PERFECTION LEVELS

FOREVER.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, MY WORK

HERE IS DONE.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S

TUNA SANDWICH O'CLOCK FOR ME.

>> SCANNING FOR IMPERFECTIONS.

[ BEEPING ]

SCAN COMPLETE.

YOU ARE MOST IMPERFECT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, I RESENT

THAT!

>> MUST DESTROY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

WHOA, WATCH IT!

YOU ALMOST HIT ME!

>> Belly Bag: UM, UNCLE GRANDPA,

SOMETHING TELLS ME HE ISTRYING

TO HIT YOU!

AAAAH!

>> MAIN PRIORITY --

IMPERFECTION.

MUST BE RECTIFIED.

MAXIMUM ARTILLERY TRAINED ON

TARGET.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, BOY, SO

MANY BIG WORDS!

OH! OH! OH! OH!

ME NO LIKEY!

ALL I WANTED WAS A TUNA-FISH

SANDWICH!

[ PANTS, SHOUTS ]

>> IMPERFECT HIDING PLACE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ WHIMPERS ]

THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.

LUCKY NO ONE GOT HURT.

[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA,

AHEM?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HUH?

[ GASPS ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

KEEP AWAY!

[ GRUNTING ]

>> UNCLE GRANDPA!

I REALLY NEED HELP WITH MY

SCIENCE-FAIR PROJECT.

YOU THINK YOU CAN GIVE ME A

HAND?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HI, HENRY.

ACTUALLY, I'M KINDA BUSY AT THE

MOMENT.

CAN YOU TAKE A RAIN CHECK?

>> WHATEVER.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTS ]

SEE? THIS IS WHY I HATE TREES.

[ GASPS ] AAH!

[ WHIMPERING ]

ALL I WANTED WAS A TUNA

SANDWICH!

>> Belly Bag: WE'VE GOT COMPANY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, I KNOW.

I BROUGHT HER WITH US 'CAUSE SHE

SO LOOKED BORED IN THE BARN.

[ COW MOOS ]

>> Belly Bag: I'M TALKING ABOUT

THE ROBOT HUNTING YOU DOWN!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WE'RE GOING

DOWN!

>> I REALLY SHOULD GET THAT

FIXED.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OOH!

[ WHIMPERS ]

[ GASPS ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

>> I SHOULD GET THAT FIXED, TOO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AH!

PFFFFFFT!

[ PANTING ]

[ POP! ]

[ AUDIENCE LAUGHING ]

HUH?

>> AM I RIGHT, FOLKS?

AND I REALLY HATE IT WHEN I SIT

DOWN ON MY COUCH, GET ALL COMFY,

AND THEN REALIZE THE TV REMOTE

CONTROL IS ALL THE WAY ACROSS

THE ROOM.

I MEAN, SOMEONE SHOULD INVENT A

SEPARATE REMOTE CONTROL THAT

FETCHES YOUR REMOTE CONTROL.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AM I RIGHT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> WHAT THE --

[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT'S WHAT MY

FRIEND MR. GUS SAYS ALL THE

TIME!

HE'S A DINOSAUR.

>> UNCLE GRANDPA, IS THAT YOU?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HI,

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.

HOW'S THE COMEDY THING GOING?

>> EVERYBODY, IT'S

UNCLE GRANDPA!

HE HELPED ME REALIZE MY LIFELONG

DREAM OF BEING A STAND-UP

COMEDIAN.

NOW I'M NOT JUST AN INCREDIBLY

HANDSOME AND SUCCESSFUL

BASKETBALL PLAYER, BUT AN

INCREDIBLY HANDSOME AND

SUCCESSFUL COMEDIAN.

AND I OWE IT ALL TO HIM.

SO, WHAT'S CRACKA-LACKIN',

UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YOU KNOW.

A LITTLE OF THIS, A LITTLE OF

THAT.

[ RUMBLING ]

UH...

[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]

>> YOU ALL RIGHT, UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, ASIDE

FROM TURNING A CHILD INTO A

GIANT ROBOT THAT'S TRYING TO

DESTROY ME FOR NOT BEING

PERFECT, ALL BECAUSE I WANTED A

TUNA SANDWICH, YEAH, I'M ALL

RIGHT.

>> IMPERFECT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPING ]

>> LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD USE AN

ASSIST.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MAYBE A

LITTLE.

>> YOU HEARD HIM, EVERYONE.

LET'S HELP UNCLE GRANDPA GIVE

THIS ROBOT A CRAZY SHAQ ATTACK!

>> All: YEAH!

[ CHATTER ]

>> COME ON, UNCLE GRANDPA!

LET'S KICK SOME ROBOT BUTT!

OR RO-BUTT! OR ROBO BUTT!

OR WHATEVER YOU THINK IS THE

FUNNIEST!

>> Uncle Grandpa: THEY'RE ALL

FUNNY!

WHEE!

WHOA! TOUGH CROWD!

>> PREPARE TO BE PERFECTLY

DESTROYED.

>> LET'S SHOW HIM WHAT WE'RE

MADE OF.

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH!

A BUNCH OF AUDIENCE MEMBERS!

>> READY! FIGHT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GRUNTING ]

>> PERFECT COMBO!

>> I THINK I SWALLOWED SOME

CHAMPIONSHIP RINGS.

[ COUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I THINK I

SWALLOWED MY SPINE.

>> TARGET HINDERED.

REMAINS MOST IMPERFECT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: STILL FIXATED

ON THE WHOLE "PERFECT" THING,

HUH?

[ GRUNTS ]

>> MUST DESTROY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY, OKAY.

YOU WIN. I'M MOST IMPERFECT.

JEEZ.

BUT BEFORE YOU DESTROY ME, WILL

YOU GRANT ME ONE FINAL REQUEST?

I SURE COULD USE A DELICIOUS

TUNA SANDWICH.

>> I CAN EQUIP YOU WITH A

PERFECT TUNA SANDWICH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: AAH!

[ WHIRRING ]

[ SPLAT! ]

[ POP! POP! ]

[ PLOP! ]

[ DING! ]

>> I PRESENT YOU WITH A PERFECT

TUNA SANDWICH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM.

COMPOSITION IS DECENT.

CONSISTENCY'S A BIT

QUESTIONABLE.

WEIGHT IS RATHER SUSPECT.

[ CHEWING ]

[ GULP! ]

EH. I'VE HAD BETTER.

>> IMPOSSIBLE!

YOU ARE INCORRECT IN YOUR

EVALUATION.

IT WAS BY ALL LOGICAL ACCOUNTS A

PERFECT TUNA SANDWICH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: SORRY TO BURST

YOUR BUBBLE, BUT IN ALL HONESTY,

THE SANDWICH JUST WASN'T THAT

GOOD.

IT WASN'T PERFECT.

>> INCORRECT!

IT IS PERF-- DOES NOT COMPUTE!

ROBOT IS IMPERFECT!

ROBOT IS IMPERFECT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT WAS JUST

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

[ BOOM! ]

>> OHHH! MY HEAD!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHOA, AUSTIN,

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA, HE

WAS THE ROBOT, REMEMBER?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH. RIGHT.

DUH!

>> W-W-WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

>> Uncle Grandpa: LET'S JUST

PRETEND AT THIS MOMENT I SAY

SOMETHING REALLY PROFOUND AND

IMPORTANT THAT JUSTIFIES

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED.

>> UH, I GUESS WHAT YOU MEAN IS

THAT TRYING TO BE THE PERFECT

KID IS PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE

AND THAT OUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE

WHAT MAKE US WHO WE ARE!

AND, IN A WAY, JUST TO BE

YOURSELF IS THE PERFECT

SOLUTION!

RIGHT, UNCLE GRANDPA?

UNCLE GRANDPA? HUH?

[ MICROPHONE FEEDBACK ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: IS THIS THING

ON?

HEY, YOU EVER NOTICE WHEN YOU'RE

FLYING A PLANE AND YOU CRASH

INTO THE BACK OF A SEMI-TRUCK

THAT YOU SOMETIMES END UP

FIGHTING A GIANT ROBOT WITH

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL AT A COMEDY

CLUB?

[ AUDIENCE LAUGHS ]

UNCLE GRANDPA PROBLEMS.

AM I RIGHT?

>> HEY, HE STOLE MY JOKE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

[ RAP MUSIC PLAYING ]

THAT'S A PRETTY COOL BEAT,

TIGER.

[ Rapping ] ♪ YO, IT'S

UNCLE GRANDPA ♪

>> Pizza Steve: ♪ AND PIZZA

STEVE ♪

>> Mr. Gus: ♪ MR. GUS ♪

>> Belly Bag: ♪ BELLY BAG, YO,

YOU BEST BELIEVE ♪

>> Uncle Grandpa: ♪ WE COME TO

BRING THE HEAT WHILE WE POP

LOCK ♪

♪ HOTTER THAN YOUR FAVORITE

HOT SAUCE ♪

>> Pizza Steve: ♪ YO, IT'S

PIZZA STEVE, A.K.A., P.S. ♪

♪ WHEN I'M ON THE MIKE ♪

♪ I BE FRESH ♪

♪ STRAIGHT FROM THE OVEN ♪

♪ HATE IT OR LOVE IT ♪

♪ MY CHEESE IS THICK ♪

♪ AND MY CRUST IS RUGGED ♪

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

♪ IT'S YOUR UNCLE GRANDPA ♪

♪ I CAN RAP ON THE MIKE

WITH MY PANTS OFF ♪

♪ I GOT A SICK RIDE ♪

♪ IT'S CALLED THE RV ♪

♪ WHERE'S THE MUSTARD

FOR MY HOT DOG PARTY? ♪

♪ I LIKE TO HELP KIDS BY USING

MY MAGIC ♪

♪ HEY, WAIT A SECOND ♪

♪ CHECK OUT THIS HAT TRICK ♪

♪ THAT MAKES ME FLY ♪

♪ I'M A COOL GUY ♪

♪ I LIKE SOUR CREAM ON MY

BLUEBERRY PIE ♪

♪ NOW I'M ALMOST DONE ♪

♪ WITH MY RHYMIN' ♪

♪ SO STICK AROUND ♪

♪ FOR MY BOOK SIGNIN' ♪

>> Belly Bag: ♪ IT'S YOUR

FAVORITE FRIEND, BELLY BAG ♪

♪ I GOT LOADS OF FUN FROM TOYS

TO SMELLY RAGS ♪

♪ BUT MY FAVORITE THING IS

MAKING MOUTH NOISES ♪

♪ SO LISTEN TO ME WITH ME AND MY

BOYS'ES ♪

[ BEATBOXING ]

[ GIGGLING ]

♪ WHA, WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA,

WHA-WHA-WHA, WHA ♪

[ BLUBBERING ]

>> Mr. Gus: ♪ YO, IT'S

MR. GUS ♪

♪ CALL ME BIG G ♪

♪ I PUT WORDS TOGETHER

INTRICATELY ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T MESS WITH THIS DINO

FLOW ♪

♪ PAY CLOSE ATTENTION ♪

♪ OR MY RHYMES'LL GO ♪

♪ OVER YOUR HEAD ♪

♪ LIKE A HELICOPTER ♪

♪ TELL YOUR DOCTOR ♪

♪ TO QUELL THE OPERA OF PAIN ♪

♪ THAT YOU WILL EXPERIENCE ♪

♪ IF YOU STEP TO GUS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE GUS WILL GET FURIOUS ♪

♪ STILL WATERS RUN DEEP ♪

♪ AND I'M THE DEEPEST ♪

♪ PROFOUND SOUND ♪

♪ BETTER THAN THE WEAKEST ♪

♪ BIG G CRUSHES FOES WHO DESERVE

THE MEAT FIST ♪

♪ BUT I'M CHILL M TO F AND ON

THE WEEKENDS ♪

♪ SO AS I END THIS VERSE ♪

♪ LET ME JUST SAY ♪

♪ THAT BIG G AND CREW GET THE

PARTY UNDERWAY ♪

♪ WAIT, HOLD UP ♪

♪ WHO WANTS TO JOIN THE

CYPHER? ♪

♪ IT'S GIANT REALISTIC FLYING

TIGER! ♪

[ RECORD SCRATCHING ]